The Long Road Home, part three
"What's going on between you and Luke?"
Mara spun around from the window of the briefing room to face Luke's twin. Leia Organa Solo stood before her clad in a simple practice suit, hair twined around her head in the same braids she had worn for years. A few wrinkles outlined her eyes delicately, but other than that, she could easily be the same girl who had cheated death many times during the Rebellion. Her lightsaber swung casually from her belt as she planted balled fists on her waist.
"Hello, Leia." Mara's voice was clipped.
Leia smiled wryly. "That may have worked before, Mara, but I think we're beyond this now, don't you? Do I have to fight it out of you?" she chided. Mara stood silently before her, emerald eyes meeting brown, and said nothing, her face curiously still. "Mara?"
The lanky trader turned back to the window, heart pounding. What could she tell Skywalker's twin? What she couldn't even explain to herself? How could she describe those days on the 'Fire', those six days during which she had felt a wider range of emotions than she had felt in the last six years? She had spent years nursing an extreme hatred of the Jedi Master; had plotted his death hundreds of times. A series of events beyond her control had changed that plot before her eyes, as she found herself again and again forced to ally herself with him for one reason or another, until finally she had to admit that she no longer sought his extinction. Over the years they had formed a sort of truce, and though she wouldn't admit it in public, there had been times when she enjoyed his company. But that is all! she told herself fiercely, and willed herself to believe it.
Slowly she turned back to Leia, a brief smile flickering across her lips. "We had a few arguments, Leia, that's all..Luke probably thinks I am still mad at him."
"Are you?" Leia said, her tone dubious.
"Yes." That would give her an excuse to not be seen in his presence, if needed. Which was what she wanted. *It is,* she chided herself when she felt the doubt settle over her. The sooner she could get her business on Coruscant wrapped up and head back to Yavin, the better, for all concerned. "Practice yet today?" she asked lightly.
Leia looked at her through narrowed eyes. "No, I was waiting for you. Practice room three in an hour?"
Mara nodded, and Leia smiled briefly, backing out of the room with a slight wave. It was only then that the trader let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.
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Leia pursed her lips thoughtfully as she strode through the halls of the Palace towards Luke's quarters. *What is going on?* she thought. She hadn't even seen Luke since they landed--in fact, she hadn't seen him in over six months, since the day they had arrived back at Coruscant from their mission to Nam Chorios. He had seemed fine on that journey back; he had appeared to come to accept Callista's chosen path through life and had seemed at peace and free. What had happened when he arrived back at the Academy she could only guess at-- but if it had been she and not he in that position, returning to a home she had shared with a love now lost to her, she might also choose to immerse herself in sorrow and self-pity for a time.
She would not, however, sever her Force bond with Luke. They had spent so many years not knowing of the other's existence, and even after they met, they were unaware of their kinship with one another. It seemed it had taken years to discover all the details of their lives apart, and even now he never failed to surprise her with things like another story of his youth on Tattooine, or a food she didn't know he liked. It was a constantly growing bond, a vital part of her daily existence. While they didn't communicate every day, it was comforting to be able to reach out with her senses in the middle of a tedious meeting and touch the edge of his warmth. Through the Force, she was never alone--until, abruptly, he had shut walls down around his mind and refused to let her behind them. She assumed it would be a brief isolation, but as it went on for weeks and then months she slowly progressed from resolve, to anger, to hurt, and finally to acceptance as she realized what he needed to do for himself.
Now that he was "home", though, Leia was fed up with it. Several attempts at mental greeting had come up against the same walls he had held her at bay with for months. It was after the third such try that she decided it had gone on long enough, and she began the long walk from the Senate briefing room to his apartments in the same wing that housed hers. As she reached the door, she wondered for the hundredth time that day what exactly had happened on board the 'Fire'. She reached out a hand and rang the door chime, and the door opened almost immediately.
Brother and sister stood for several moments in silence, each examining the effects of nearly seven months apart. Leia was shocked to see the first evidence of aging in her twin; his hair had begun to gray slightly around the temples, his face looked drawn and tired, his posture was stooped. Luke, on the other hand, thought his sister had never looked better; her hair was shining, her skin bright and clear, her figure under the trim practice suit showed off the months of practice she had indulged in. Finally, he reached out his hands and drew her into the room and into his arms, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"I've missed you," she murmured into his shoulder.
"It's good to be home," he replied softly. Home had always been where she was--even before Ben's revelation on Dagobah. He drew back slowly, saying, "I'm sorry, Leia, for--"
She laid a finger on his lips. "Ssh. Don't apologize. It's been a long and lonely time without you, but you did what you had to do."
He sighed and drew completely away from her. "No I didn't...I did what I wanted to do. I wasted half a year floundering in my own inability to accept and process the truth, wallowing in my loneliness and self-pity. I shut you out of my life, something I have never intended to do...and I am sorry for it, Leia. Can you forgive your selfish brother?"
Leia smiled up at him, pulling him forward for another long hug. "There is nothing to forgive, Luke, as long as you intend to lower those walls and let me back in." She felt him stiffen at that, and backed up a little. "What is it?" she asked as he looked away from her, uncertainty flickering in his eyes. "Luke," she asked cautiously, "What happened between you and Mara?"
His head jerked up immediately. "Why? What did she say?"
"Nothing, nothing more than you are, but I got almost exactly the same reaction from her when I asked." She stepped forward and laid a land on his arm. "Is something going on between you two?"
Luke shook his head slowly, almost dazedly, and finally looked up to meet her gaze. "No...nothing...I don't think anything is going on."
"You don't think?"
"We had a few rough days on the 'Fire', that's all. She stepped beyond where I thought she should go, I overreacted, we had a few fights and some fierce lightsaber battles. Everything is fine now."
Leia examined her brother closely. There was definitely something different about him, beyond the aging and weariness that the prior months had caused, something different about the eyes. They stood there staring at each other for several moments before she nodded and said, "I hope so, Luke. It's been hard on all of us without you." There was something different in his eyes, though. Something she hadn't seen since their trip to Nam Chorios: somewhere, somehow, a little hope had come back into him-and she had her doubts that it had anything to do with Callista.
Smiling, she hooked both her arms through one of his and looked up at him. "The children and Han can't wait to see you-are you up for some dinner later?"
Despite his overall mood, he found himself grinning down at her in return. He had definitely been gone too long. "Let me change and make myself look a little more human, and I'll meet you at your apartments."
She nodded and pressed a final kiss to his cheek, stepping away and towards the door. With one hand on the panel, she called back over her shoulder, " I have practice first, so take your time. I'll make sure Mara can come."
She felt him stiffen behind her, and smothering her overwhelming curiosity, she left the room.
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Several hours later, Luke found himself in the middle of Leia's-his- laughing, smiling family, inhaling the smell of perfume, sweat, fur and crayons as his friends and relations welcomed him back to the fold. Jaina threw her arms around him like she would never let go, and Luke smothered a laugh as Jacen, having recently reached the noble age of five, solemnly offered him a hand in greeting. His father's namesake clamored to be picked up, and he reached down and swung young Anakin onto his shoulders, leading the parade into the living area. Luke settled himself into a corner of the couches, his niece and nephews surrounding him, Han, Leia, Chewie and Winter all nearby. It was indeed, after everything, good to be home.
"OK, I want to hear what mischief you've been up to since I've been gone," said Luke with a contented smile. All three children started to talk at once, and the clamor was deafening.
"One at a time!" their father laughed.
"Uncle Luke, I'm playing you in the school pageant!" Jacen said excitedly, his dark head close to his uncle's blonde one. Luke looked at him, dumbstruck, completely at a loss for what to say.
Han's laughter rumbled in his chest, mingling with Chewie's bark of amusement. "Kid, if you could see your face right now-"
Leia tucked away her grin and began to explain. "It's part of the celebration for next week; the Junior Academy is staging a pageant honoring the success of the Rebellion. Jacen has been chosen to play the part of Commander and Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker,"
Jacen jumped to his feet, bowed, and announced, in as deep a voice as his five year old vocal cords would allow, "This is Red Five, I'm going in!"
Hysterical laughter rang throughout the room for several moments as Luke took this all in. He shook his head, unable to believe it. "They are actually turning the Battle for the Death Star into a play?"
His twin looked over at him, eyes dancing merrily. "They're turning the whole Rebellion into a play. Wait till I tell you what you get to do next week!"
"Oh, I can only imagine...hmm, let me guess...lessons on how to cook Yoda's famous swamp stew? Ah..how to infiltrate Imperial bases when you're too short to be a stormtrooper? How to slice bread with a lightsaber?" Luke laughed back at her.
She shook her head, grinning. "Better. Among other things, you get to judge the "Why the Alliance is Better Than the Empire" essay contest for the sixth level." She opened her mouth to continue his list of duties as a wry voice said from behind them,
"You had better make sure he knows how to spell 'alliance' first, I think."
"Mara!" the children launched themselves at her like one body, and nearly knocked her over in the onslaught. As the family rose to greet her, Luke hung back for the chance to observe her unnoticed. This was a Mara he rarely got to see, for she had discarded the worn flight suit for long, flowing robes of greenish-blue, and her hair was wound around her head in intricate curls, rather than flying about her face as usual. He thought that he preferred it the other way, loose and wild, and then was surprised to realize it.
::I never knew you noticed,:: she spoke in his mind. He ripped his gaze from her, taking a deep breath to clear his senses. What had gotten into him lately? And why was she having such an easy time hearing his thoughts? He seemed to be swinging from one extreme to the other. One moment he was lost in a sea of memories of Callista, the next minute he was mooning like a schoolboy over Mara Jade's hair-Mara, who had wanted to kill him; Mara, with whom he had never really gotten along; Mara, who bore his father's lightsaber, which he had given to her; Mara, who had risked her life for his time and again.
"....listening to me, Luke?"
He pulled himself back to the world, meeting Leia's gaze across the room. "What? Sorry." He dragged a hand through his hair. "Did you say something to me?"
Leia gestured towards the dining room. "Could you get Mara a drink, please?"
He nodded, backing off in that direction. "Sure...a drink..." he disappeared around the corner. Han pulled his wife around the corner under the cover of Jaina's overloud description to Mara of the outfit she would wear for the festivities, and asked "What's with him?"
Leia looked up at her husband, concern mingling with merriment in her eyes. "Something to do with Mara, I assume...but I don't know how I feel about that, and apparently, neither do they."
Han's eyes widened slightly, as he looked back over his shoulder at the Jedi trader whose head was huddled close to his daughter's. "Luke and Mara? That Mara?" his breath came out in a rush. "I never would have guessed that in a million years." He pulled Leia to him in a brief embrace. "How do you think you would feel about that?"
She shook her head thoughtfully. "I don't know...I don't know. We get along far better now than we ever did-you know we've grown closer these last months-and Luke has always trusted her, even when she was going to kill him. His intuition has always been better than mine." Several seconds passed before she glanced up at him again. "Callista was a good friend."
Han nodded, thoughtfully. "Yes, she was." The years had not changed him, and he was still a man of few words. "Pretty, too."
Leia swatted at him with her free hand. "Scoundrel," she teased, before growing pensive again. "She chose the road she needed to follow, and it doesn't look like it will lead her back here. I hate the idea of him waiting for her for the rest of his life, on the off chance she may someday regain her Force sensitivity. I know they basically agreed to part and lead their own lives, but I don't know if he will do that. It's a waste. He should have children of his own."
"And what if he decides those children should also be Mara's?"
Leia was silent for a long time before turning around and looking at him. "Then I would like to think I would look on her as the friend she has become rather than the enemy she was in the past. The Empire is all but dead, Han. Maybe it's time for my old prejudices to join it."
Han rested his forehead against hers briefly. "Are you going to tell him about the part of the celebration you have been keeping quiet?"
She shook her head. "Not yet. He has too much on his mind already. We have a week left--there is time." Leia looked around the corner, at her children, entwined around their uncle, and at Mara Jade, drink in hand, watching it all from Chewie's side. *It was going to be quite a celebration,* she thought, and stepped back into the room. "So...is everyone ready to eat?"
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The sunset view from the roof of the Palace had always been spectacular, and tonight's viewing had been no different. A slow but steady breeze blew across the rooftops as dusk crept in to take possession, and one by one the lights in the buildings below began to come on. Luke lifted his face into the night, closing his eyes and stretching out with the Force to be more a part of the evening. How long had it been since he had stood here like this, with the stars shining down on him, the stone railing pressing into his stomach, the concrete hard beneath his boots? A lightness filled him, as he grabbed hold of the railing with both hands and leaned back, his hood falling from his head, the wind running its fingers through his hair. He spun around on one foot and began to trace a path along the ledge, hands held out needlessly for balance. Exuberance had been slowly creeping up on him in the last few days, and he was beginning to realize that the memories on Yavin had been holding him prisoner. Here, away from the forests and temples, in the bosom of his family, he could not only see the road away from Callista stretching out before him, he could actually think about starting the journey down it. *She is well, and strong,* he thought for what must have been the thousandth time. It had become like a mantra to him. It was a mantra he thought it was time to let go of. He looked down at the black tunic, pants and robes he always wore, and thought of Mara's definition of Jedi: 'person clad only in black. Must spend life exclusive of love and happiness'. Her voice rang in his head as he chuckled at her sarcasm, and then the laughter faded from his lips. Mara was right. Leia was right. Holding on to Callista, even from a distance, would never bring her back to him. It was time to begin life again.
Slowly he reached his hands up and pulled a chain over his head. At the end of the chain swung a small medallion with the symbols of the Old Republic and the New side by side. Callista had given it to him as a humorous reminder of the years that separated them. It was the only reminder of her that he kept on his person, and taking it off would be a large step in returning to the world of the living. He held it up to the light, seeing it reflect off the 'C' and 'L' that were carved on the other side. He started to place it in a pocket, but his hand paused halfway there. *Let the past go.* Bringing it to his lips, he flung out with his mind, ::There will always be my love for you...may your road be a good one..:: He knew there would be no response and that she had not even heard him. Pulling his arm back, he flung the medallion into the air, and with a nudge of the Force, sent it flying out of the city into the night. ::Goodbye.::
He expected to feel sorrow, but finally, after all those long, dark months, he truly felt freedom. His love for Callista was tucked away within him, would always be part of him, but would no longer consume him. It, like his career as a teacher, seemed to be fading into the past. What he would do next was a question for tomorrow, perhaps, but for now, he felt strangely like celebrating.
"Littering, Skywalker?" Mara had the satisfaction of seeing him jump. "Shouldn't throw things randomly into midair; small creatures may mistake it for food! Wouldn't want to choke an Ewok, would you?" she asked wryly.
Luke met her smile with one of his own. "No, but I know you would, knowing how bloodthirsty you are." He turned back to the city before him, suddenly self-conscious. "Dessert over?" He felt her walk over and lean against the rail a foot or so away from him.
"Yes, and since Jaina helped tonight for the first time, she was none too happy that you missed it."
"I had some business to take care of."
Mara snorted. "On the roof? You don't have to make excuses to me, Skywalker."
"You know, my first name is a lot easier to say. It only has one syllable." He was delighted to see her flush and turn her head slightly. "Come on, Mara...you can do it...although on second thought, you know, I bet you just have a speech impediment, is that it? You're afraid I'll hear you call me 'Wuke', like Anakin does! If that's the case, then.."
Mara spun on him, a dangerous gleam in her eyes. "Can it, farmboy."
He would have thought she was angry, if he hadn't caught the slight shake of her shoulders as she turned away. Laughter came bubbling up out of him, and finally she joined him, laughing so hard she had to sit down on the pavement. When he sank down beside her, she wiped a tear from her eye and said, "Help me, oh great Master Wuke," which set them both off again. Several minutes of hilarity passed, after which silence settled over them as they both sat, lost in thought, staring up over the ledge and into the night.
"Do you remember the last time we were up here?" he asked quietly.
Her hand went reflexively to her belt. "Of course," she said lightly, remembering all too vividly her confusion when he had drawn his father's lightsaber out of his tunic and handed it to her, his aw-shucks farmboy side showing through clearly. She didn't know if he had even known why he had given it to her, but she had been grateful for it on many occasions since then.
"You know," he said thoughtfully, "you are strong enough to make your own now."
She met his gaze steadily, hand tightening around the weapon. "I'm used to this one."
He stared at her for several moments, unblinking, nodding slowly. "I figured you were." he glanced away, looking up at the stars. "I'm sorry for everything that happened on the 'Fire'. There was no excuse for my making you a part of that."
*For everything?* Mara thought involuntarily, her mind recalling the feeling of his weight pressing down on her. She shot a glance at his profile, drawn and a little pale in the moonlight. Whatever demons haunted him, they seemed to be disappearing. She remembered once upon a time, when she didn't deserve it, he had cared enough to help her banish hers. Tentatively, she reached out and took hold of his hand. He started in surprise and looked down at their intertwined fingers. A few moments passed as they both got used to the unaccustomed feeling. Slowly he lay back on the pavement, forcing her to either also lay back or let go of his hand. She chose the former.
Several minutes passed, and then out of the corner of her eye she saw him raise his free hand, pointing toward a distant spark in the sky. "That's Yavin, you know," he murmured.
A smile swept across Mara's face and she tightened her grip briefly. "I know, flyboy, I took astronomy. Do you know what...that one is?"
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In her rooms far below the roof, Leia stretched through the Force to touch, with surprising ease, the edge of her brother's mind. She was amazed at how relaxed he was, at the calm that radiated outwards from him--so amazed that it took her several unbelieving seconds before she said, ::Is Mara with you?::
She felt his smile. ::Yes--I'm sorry we haven't come back to dinner.::
::What are you doing?:: she asked dubiously.
::Arguing about whether a dot in the sky that I know is Kashyykk is Kashyykk. Mara's a little stubborn, you know.::
::I heard that, Wuke,:: Mara joined in, and Leia could feel their silent laughter.
::Wuke?:: she asked. ::Never mind. Have a good night, you two.::
She felt Mara pull away from them.
::I love you, Leia...stop worrying. I think I'm going to be fine.::
Leia smiled in spite of herself. ::I know. It's been a long time coming. I love you too...good night.::
She was still smiling moments later when Han emerged from the twins' bedroom. "What is it, Princess?"
"Luke. He's with Mara, on the roof, arguing about the stars."
Han's lips stretched in a brief grin. "That sounds like the Luke we know."
"I know," she sighed. "I know it does."
"He'll be OK, Leia. Maybe he's catching up on his lost adolescence." She made a face at him. "Stop worrying."
She turned and put her arms around his waist. "That's what he said."
"Wise man. Must have picked up more from me than I thought."
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