Home > X Reports > The Append-X Report ... Part the Second
The Append-X-Report
Author: Demosthenes
[Part the Second]
A long time ago in a newsgroup far far away ....
It is a time of turmoil on atxf. The Evil Federation of Censors has
imposed a blockade on all postings. In a small section of the group
Queen Pamedala and her loyal band of followers desperately resist the
forces of evil and await rescue ...
INT. PAMEDALA'S TRONE ROOM:
Governor Turtle: A communications disruption can mean only one thing ...
Alstonisation.
Queen Pamedala: The Censors have gone too far this time.
Pamdme: I'm with you, P***dala.
Pamedala: You are me you goose.
A droid wanders onto the set. It is SeeCreepio.
SeeCreepio: We're Doomed! There'll be no escape for the Princess this
time.
Governor Turtle: I think you have the wrong movie, friend. Episode IV
is that way. [He points]
Pamdme: Begone. We have not the lightsabres you are looking for.
SeeCreepio: Ah fuck.
[SeeCreepio exits]
Governor Turtle: That was close.
[Everyone pulls out a Darth Maul lightsabre. Pamdme grins evilly.]
Pamdme: Duel anyone?
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Ah X-Awards ...
There should have been lights, there should have been music, there
should have been champagne.
Instead there was the snores and pained moans of geriatics and plenty
of clear fluids. But that's what you get when you hold an Awards night
in a hospital.
The first award goes to Flooki (nominated by Ken) who receives the "I
NEVER DIED, SAID HE" AWARD for providing Mulder with endless hours of
harmless fun...
~From: "Flooki" <censu@ihug.com.au>
~Subject: Re: ITYM Tithonus (was: Re: Terms of Endearment)
~Date: Sat, 8 May 1999 00:35:01 +1000
Adam James Fitzpatrick wrote in message
<7gu9md$1e7$1@mail.usyd.edu.au>...
>Dilbert <dilbert@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
>
>>(Somewhat paraphrased....)
>
>>Scully : "Okay, how do I die?"
>>Bruckman : "You don't."
>
>I think this is what I liked most about this episode. It'll be interesting
>to see if Mulder catches on, and decides to shoot Scully as payback. :)
>
I can just see it now
From Episode #8.04 The Field Where I Died.....And Died....And Died...:
Mulder: Hey Scully, what's that?
Scully [turns around sharply]: Wha?!
[while Scully is distracted, Mulder pulls out his gun]
Scully [turning back to face Mulder]: I didn't see any--
[Mulder's face slowly displays a boyish, prankish grin]
[Mulder fires off a round]
[cue wacky sound effect]
Scully: Damn you Mulder, this isn't funny anymore! [slumps to the
ground]
Mulder: [grinning] Another hole in one!
.......well, it could work...
Flooki
ICQ #694743
****
... Chris Carter will be contacting Flooki shortly to discuss the
contract.
Flooki is also receives the "SEASON SEVEN CLIMAX AWARD" for providing
Mulder yet more fun ...
~Newsgroups: aus.tv.x-files
~Subject: Re: Tithonus
~From: "Flooki" <censu@ihug.com.au>
~Date: Thu, 6 May 1999 13:09:07 +1000
Mab wrote in message ...
>What a great ep!
>
>I'm a sucker for the stand-alone, MOTW style episodes, so I loved this
>one!
>
>Favourite line: "Hi, my name's Fox Mulder. We used to sit next to each
>other at the FBI" ROTFL!!!
>
>Can someone give me the name of the actor who played Fellig? Where do
>I know him from? I know he's pretty much been in everything, but is
>there one particular show in which he was a regular?
>
Fellig was played by Geoffry Lewis
>My question about this ep: Does this mean that Scully is immortal now?
>Fellig was immortal because "someone took his place". Well, now he's
>taken Scully's place. What do you think?
I think the first half of Clyde Bruckman's prophecy has come to pass.
Now
it's Mulder's turn.....
"Oh baby! *choke choke choke*"
>
>Mab
*****
Flooki: You make it sound like i have a Mulder obsession ...
Demosthenes: Don't you?
Meerkats Rule gets the "EXTREME POSSIBILITY" AWARD from Ken for the
following real life X File:
~From: "Meerkats Rule" <meerkatrules@hotmail.com>
~Subject: TAN: Re: Man and the unknown
~Date: 16 May 1999 00:19:25 GMT
wichm@xs4all.nl wrote in article <373d40da.3251003@news.A2000.nl>...
> Read on my pages about actual paranormal phenomena and subjects on the
> meaning of life and its perplexities.
> Paranormal voices with sound clips, Javanese mysticism, the origins of
> the New Age, Subud, the psychology of spiritual movements, society in
> the 21st century. Furthermore art and cinematographica.
This morning The Meerkat found her car keys exactly where she had left
them
the day before. Now that's spooky.......
****
I think i hear the producers of Ripley's Believe It Or Not knocking at
Meerkat's front door right now.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Chev Ron Jinn: You wish to send me on a quest Master Jjoda?
Jjoda: Yes ... Hmmm. Sick am i of not having a lightsabre. 865 years i
have lived a Jedi, and never a lightsabre for this one. Find me one,
you must.
March Windu: [leans forward menacingly] You heard the Master
motherfucker. You better fuckin' get the fuckin' master a fuckin'
lightsabre. If you fuckin' don't you're gonna regret it real bad
cocksucker ...
[From on high George LouCus frowns. Suddenly afraid of losing the
vital PG rating, LouCus taps March on the shoulder]
Jjoda: Heard we have, rumours saying Queen Pamedala has one. Seek her
you must.
March Windu: And have a poke around for those evil Censor Federation
people while your at it. They're getting worse and worse these days.
Getting so that a jedi can't say [looks around nervously] ... well,
you know.
Jjoda: But forget not my lightsabre. Have it i must. Wait no longer i
shall.
Chev Ron: But Master Jjoda, is not patience the mark of a jedi?
March Windu: Don't fuck with the Master or we'll beat the shit out of
you.
Lightning flashes. March Windu is struck and falls to the ground,
unconscious.
LouCus: I *really* would like to keep that PG rating. I won't tell you
again.
Chev Ron: I think that is the source of the Censor Federation, Master.
Jjoda: No, there is another. Now, fetch me a lightsabre.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Winner of the "UNPAID PHONE BILL" AWARD is Stephen Turtle for
reminding us all not to call this number.
~From: sturtle@ozemail.com.au (Stephen Turtle)
~Newsgroups: aus.tv.x-files
~Subject: Re: X-Files mentioned in Dawson's Creek
~Date: Tue, 11 May 1999 05:04:54 GMT
Not long ago the following text was issued by someone using the
account of
Kenneth Alexander Finlayson:
>danyzn@hotmail.com (Daniel Lam) writes:
>
>>On Tue, 04 May 1999 19:22:55 GMT, ingridbj@my-dejanews.com wrote:
>
>
>[Topic: Aleph-null]
>
>>>It also happens to be the size of the set of the rationals.
>
>>And of the set of positive integers, the set of negative integers, th
>>set of odd integers, the set of even integers, the set of prime
>>integers, the set of composite integers, the set of integers ending in
>>3, the set of integers ending in 32593825.
>
>Ah, yes. Interesting fact: Almost all numbers end in 32593825.
Difficult to prove. Telstra said it's not connected.
&teve.
--
** *----* -- *** - * *--* **** * -* *--- --- **** -* - **- *-* -
*-** *
Stephen Turtle (aka Nok)
http://www.ozemail.com.au/~sturtle
61-7-55460689 (H)
sturtle@ozemail.com.au
61-7-32531081 (W) LCAS #3,
EAS #1
0142-683599 (Mobile)
__________________________________________________________________________
"My brain is one big Wet and Wild theme park" - Sarah
__________________________________________________________________________
Live in the present, for the future,
using lessons you have learned in the past - SJT
(1996)
*****
Louise receives the "SHALLOW AND PROUD OF IT" AWARD for her
'obligatory delurking post' on April 9th. As the totally unbiased
nominator, Lynne receives the follow-up "KRYCEK! GIVE ME A DROOL
BUCKET AWARD" as well.
Hiya everyone,
Just thought I would do a quick delurk and say hi to y'all. My name
is Louise and I am from Melbourne.
I've been watching from the start, although not fanatically until
season 2. I think I have somehow managed to see most of the episodes
at some stage or other, and if I haven't I have read the episode
guides, downloaded videos and looked at photos aplenty! Then again,
haven't we all!
Not too sure which is my favourite episode although I love the
mytharcs. Small Potatoes, Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose, Home and Jose
Chungs "From Outer Space" are all amazing too. Favourite character
apart from Mulder/Scully is Krycek, because he is so unpredictable,
totally confusing and is sex on a stick... I mean enigmatic! OK, I
should also add I am totally shallow.
Thanks!
Louise
**********
Danny and Ken nominate Cayra for the "YOU CAN BANK ON IT" AWARD for
spotting an improbable bank service. (Danny mentioned he was also
tempted to add the KIRSTY WEATHERHOG MEMORIAL EXCLAMATION MARK for
services to punctuation to the nomination.)
~From: "Cayra" <clintm@chariot.net.au>
~Subject: Monday suspending disbelief
~Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 20:37:34 +0930
Ok Ok we can go for the big cosmic wheel thing we can believe in
alternate realities
but how come every time the bomber entered the bank
the pen on the chain he picked up actually worked
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
****
A spokesperson for the Australian Banking Association declined to
comment on the allegations. But anonymous sources indicate that even
the pens they give to their employees refuse to function. What the
pens think of this is under further investigation.
Winner of the "CAME DOWN IN THE LAST SHOWER" AWARD is Daniel Lam
(nominated by Ken) for this post ...
~From: danyzn@hotmail.com (Daniel Lam)
~Subject: Re: REL: who thinks up these titles?
~Date: Tue, 25 May 1999 02:49:42 GMT
On Mon, 24 May 99 03:43:17 GMT, am.fraser@qut.edu.au (Annette Fraser)
wrote:
>Depends on the cat. As I've said previously, my cat Seymour liked nothing
>better than to sit out in the rain *and* get into the shower with me.
At the same time? Don't you have an indoor shower?
Daniel Lam
***************
Ken wins the "NATGAT PARTY TRICKS AWARD" (nominated by Danny) for this
startling insight into "Trevor".
~Date: 9 Jun 99 10:14:44 GMT
~From: Kenneth Alexander Finlayson <kaf03@uow.edu.au>
~Newsgroups: aus.tv.x-files
~Subject: Trevor (the episode, not the ATXFer)
My Review Of "Trevor", by Ken age 23
"Trevor" is about a man who, by the power of grammar alone, can parse
through walls using transitive verbs.
No, I'm just being silly.
--
If you've ever wondered how The Brady Bunch would interpret Tarantino,
watch this.
-- Henry Everingham, writing about "Stingers"
******************
We await NatGat with interest.
AJF gets the "FAMOUS LAST WORDS" AWARD for having this to say about
Speednet.
~Newsgroups: aus.tv.x-files
~Subject: Re: ADMIN: *** New home for IRC session ***
~From: Adam James Fitzpatrick <afitzpat@mail.usyd.edu.au>
~Date: 18 May 1999 17:16:28 GMT
Stephen Turtle <sturtle@ozemail.com.au> wrote:
>Due to the rapid decline in quality of the existing IRCNET IRC servers, it
>has been proposed that the nightly ATXF IRC session be moved to
>irc.speednet.com.au on port 6667 (this is part of the Earthlink network)
>This server is virtually unused so should not have lag or netsplit problems
>that have recently plagued IRCNET.
>Extensive, successful testing was performed on Monday evening/Tuesday
>morning
[We wandered over there for half an hour or so, and nothing broke.]
>and an executive decision made.
["What do you reckon? Should we stay here?" "Yeah, I suppose."]
>A presence will be maintained on IRCNET for a short time to redirect users
>to the new site.
Because we're such nice, helpful people. (And we're hoping Jo will be
able to join us there in future, unlike Tuesday night.)
--
Adam Fitzpatrick | "The IP datagram is printed, on a small scroll of
paper,
in hexadecimal, with each octet separated by whitestuff and
blackstuff. The
scroll of paper is wrapped around one leg of the avian carrier." - RFC
1149
*********
But the winner of the "KISS OF DEATH" AWARD (nominated by hisself) is
Demosthenes, for the amazing use of reverse psychology in convincing
Speednet to self destruct through this post ...
~Newsgroups: aus.tv.x-files
~Subject: Re: ADMIN: The Aus.Tv.X-Files FAQ
~From: "Demosthenes" <demosthenes@cybergal.com>
~Date: Fri, 21 May 1999 00:43:15 +1000
Danny wrote ...
>THE AUS.TV.X-FILES FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS LIST
>==================================================
>8. When do the atxf people meet on IRC?
>---------------------------------------
> WHERE: Channel #atxf, IRCNet (and rated MA 15+, #atxf_hottub)
> SERVERS: We recommend using a random IRCNet server,
> so connect to au.ircnet.org:6667.
> Otherwise, try these servers:
> flute.telstra.net.au,
> yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au, or
> irc.usyd.edu.au, port 6667
It's probably time to update this bit seeing as we now use speednet
...
Demosthenes.
I promise to hold my tongue next time.
END Part the Second.
To be continued ...