Home > X Reports > The Append-X-Report ... Part the First.
The First (and only) Append-X-Report Author: Demosthenes [Part 1 the First] In the beginning there was $2k. But that was boring because he had no-one to play with. So $2k thought. He thought many things (most of them unoriginal and derivative). He ruminated on the Question of Evil, the Existence of Free Will and why (oh why?) Tim Tams were so expensive these days. But after a few seconds this activity palled. It was also, $2k decided, damn dangerous. Too much thought could turn you into a regular mad philosopher right smartly. Philosophers were invariably bankrupt nutcases living off extended credit at their favourite wine bar. This, $2k concluded, was not the career path for him. $2k decided he needed a diversion. Something trivial. Something inane. Something a bit like the Democrats, but hopefully more like 'Tash than Meg because then at least it would be sexy. Then $2k was inspired, though by what none could say for certain. Some said madness, others Chris Carter. Then some wit cried out that the two were one and the same and she was beaten severely for trying to be funny in an X-Report. And so Tan was born, in $2k's image. And $2k saw that it meant he would never have to post Rel again and declared it was good. So ended the Nth day. ************************************** The Aus.tv.x-files Interview 1 Name: Louise Coulthard (... aka the Queen of Procrastination [editor's note].) 2 Age: 26 3 Occupation: Bookseller 4 What was your first x-files episode? Deep Throat. 5 What is your favourite x-files episode? I loved Duane Barry and Ascension, especially because they REALLY got me into the mytharcs. All the mytharcs are great. I also loved Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose, Small Potatoes, Home and Jose Chung's From Outer Space. Plus Piper Maru and Apocrypha for gratuitous Krycek angst. :) 6 What is your least favourite x-files episode? Ghost in the Machine was just silly, especially the ending when they thought they had "killed" the machine, but have they....? And El Mundo Gira was rather bad too - El Chupacabra indeed. 7 Why do you like the x-files? It can be extremely well written and acted. Considering all the rubbish that makes our screens, the X-Files is usually waaaay better than a lot of other stuff on tv. One of the scariest things I have done is sit in the dark and watch Home. What other show can do that?! Plus I like the fact that it rarely patronises the viewer - it assumes that we are actually somewhat intelligent. 8 What sort of computer do you use? My father's! A Pentium Pro 200 apparently. I also have a tiny little 486 laptop that I have been known to use occasionally, but seems to be close to death now. 9 Who is you favourite x-files character? Gotta be Krycek. Absolutely has to be. He's so sneaky and unpredictable and its ALWAYS a good episode when he's around. Plus, partly because he's totally hot. OK, mostly because he is totally hot. Mulder and Scully are also beyond brilliant, but they can both irk me greatly as well. Skinner is also somewhat fab. 10 If you found your favourite x-files character naked and chained to Mulder's fish tank, what would you do to him/her? Hmm. Firstly ask him how he managed to escape from a locked room containing an alien in a missile silo but can't unchain himself from a simple fish tank. Then check if the fish have been fed. And then...? Well, the mind boggles with endless possibilities! 11 Marital Status: Single, but engaged. 12 Desperation Status: I haven't seen my gorgeous fiance who lives in Canada for 8 months. You figure! 13 Other must-see shows: The Bill, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Friends, Red Dwarf, Seachange, The Practice, The Simpsons, South Park plus lots of other things I watch less regularly but still like. 14 What shows should they bring back? Well, I miss Seinfeld and Star Trek NG, although I don't know if they should come back. I'm sure I will think of a billion as soon as I send this off. 15 What shows should be euthanased immediately? Anything with Ray Martin or Daryl Somers. Beauty and the Beast. Various games shows with "celebrities" sitting in boxes. Any show that starts with "World's Funniest..." or "Wildest" or "Worst", or "When *something* Goes Wrong or Attacks or Explodes". Any attempt at an Australian sitcom (a la Hey Dad, Bingles etc). Springer-esque talk shows. 16 How many times do you plan to see The Phantom Menace in the next week? Umm.. once? I haven't had a chance to see it yet, but I plan to see it this week. I'm sure that I will see it more than once though. [Editor's Note: This questionairre was posted just before the TPM opened.] 17 Do you think appendicitis is a good way to get an extension on your x-report? Not only that, but its a good way to get people to participate in answering these questions. Shame on those who refused!! ;-) (OK, so I actually said yes before the appendicitis saga, but it just shows how extremely nice I am.) 18 Write your own questions and answers ... Umm... Why can't I think of anything to write here? I've spent my brilliance on the previous questions. Is this an obvious ploy by Demosthenes to make the interview seem longer? Yes. Am I trying to avoid the bonus question? Yes. Bonus question for extra points: Discuss the proposition that it is impossible to know anything. In your argument examine Descartes' method of systematic doubt and evaluate his refutation of the position of Reformation Skeptics. Its impossible for me to know anything about this proposition. I doubt I can give a decent answer. I am sceptical of Demosthenes motives here, and of my actual use of the word "sceptical". (Please note my patented technique of answering exam questions. Basically use as many words from the question in the answer as you can, and hope it comes somewhere close.) ********************************** End Part the First. To be continued ...