April, 2004

Here are two separate lists that a few of us developed in Atlanta. We initially wrote the list because we had found other lists in regards to sexism to be good, but incomplete and lacking in our own experiences.

The trans demands are lacking in MtF voices. This list comes out of our community. The list is far from complete, but is good to start discussions around these issues. We wanted to make sure we sent them out before the SEAnet (South Eastern Anarchist network) Gathering in April [2004]. We encourage everyone (particularly SEAnet organizers) to take the time to read them.

INTERSEX LIST OF DEMANDS

• Don't assume you know someone's sex based on how you perceive them or their gender.
• Don't assume all women have a vagina, uterus, etc.
• Don't assume all men have a penis, testes, etc.
• Don't fetishize our bodies.
• Don't use the word hermaphrodite to describe us unless we identify that way and give permission.
• Don't feel sorry for us.
• Respect our sex identification.
• Don't exploit our existence to discredit biological determinism or other academic ideologies.
• Know the difference between sex and gender.
• Know the difference between intersexed and transgendered.
• Don't ask us or try to picture what our genitals look like.
• Don't ask us if we have sexual sensations.
• Don't assume you have the right to know intimate details of our bodies. We have the right to privacy and safety like all other people.
• Realize we have historically been mutilated, fetishized, and made into freak shows. Understand how this affects us and our safety.
• Don't say "cool" or "weird" or treat us differently when we tell you we are intersexed.
• Educate yourself!!! Read books on intersex.
• Girl, woman, female; boy, man, male are not always interchangeable.
• Don't assume all intersex people are queer.
• Realize that not all people with intersex condition are out.
• Realize that not all people with intersex conditions even know that they are intersexed.
• Remember that we are 1 in 100, and that is not rare at all!!!
• Don't call our conditions "disorders," "retardations," "abnormalities," etc.
• Realize that bodies come in all different shapes, sizes and with different parts.
• Realize how fucking strong we are to speak up about the medical abuse and victimization we have been through and that we deserve mad props.
• Don't write us off as rare and unimportant. Don't put off educating yourself for other "more important" issues.
• In situations such as gender caucuses, keep in mind that not all the people who identify as women have similar genitalia, etc. Understand that we have been taught that our bodies are "wrong" and "ugly" and that it reinforces this when people say they love being women because of their vagina, uterus, etc., this reinforces those feelings. Woman does not necessarily = female. Man does not necessarily = male.

TRANS/GENDER LIST OF DEMANDS

• Don't assume someone's gender identity.
• Don't constantly reference someone's gender identity in an attempt to seem OK with it. Likewise, don't think we care if you're OK with us or not. No one asked for your approval.
• Don't trip up on pronouns- if you fuck up, simply correct yourself and go on.
• Don't glamorize someone's gender identity or think it's "cool" or say that you're "into it."
• Read trans/gender theory. Know the difference between: transgender, transsexual, gender fucking, gender blending/bending, gender vs. sex, binary gender, passing, transitioning, binding, tucking, packing/stuffing, third genders, drag queens/kings, androgyny, butch, femme, crossdressing, boi, MtF, FtM, tranny boys, tranny dykes, boydykes, transfags, etc., etc., etc.!!!
• Know the difference between intersex and transgender. Think about how you would really feel if someone you loved transitioned. Think about your fears and why you have them.
• Recognize your own transphobia.
• Know about transitioning and surgery and hormones.
• Don't just name yourself a "trans ally" one day.
• Realize that some of us have struggled with our gender identity for a long time. Don't think that we just woke up one day and decided that we would identify as transgendered. So when we finally find a space that we're comfortable in (even if temporarily), don't co-opt that space or try to make it yours too.
• Even if you think fucking with gender is hot, don't talk about it in an objectifying way.
• Realize that it can be hard existing in in-between spaces and really know that trans oppression and transphobia exist. Know the fear of not being able to determine when you pass, the fear of being arrested/strip searched/thrown in the wrong holding cell, the threat of violence, the annoyance of having to "come out" about your gender identity constantly, etc.
• Understand the privilege of feeling at home in your body, using a public bathroom, knowing which M/F box to check, having people assume your gender identity and them being right, etc.
• Realize that there is a gender community and that the validation we receive from that community can be incomparable to what you could ever offer us and let us seek refuge there.
• Recognize how class and race fit into these equations.
• Recognize and respect someone's gender identity regardless of whether or not they choose to have surgery or take hormones. Similarly, don't judge someone for transitioning or not wanting to identify as "transgendered."
• Don't think of a transgender identity as "political."
• Don't partner with us out of some weird transitioning or coming out process for you. Don't ask us how we fuck.
• Question your own gender! (But don't then tell me, "You know, I've never felt like a 'real man'/'real woman' either." -What this means is don't assume our experiences are the same.
• Don't ask questions about someone trying to determine their "real gender."
• Don't think that FtM are dealing with some kind of internalized sexism.
• Don't assume our gender identity, render it invisible, or think it doesn't matter because of who we choose to partner with.
• Don't label our gender or sexual identity for us. Recognize the difference between the two!
• Don't think of our experiences and identities as monolithic.
• Don't think we are a "recent emergence" that somehow came out of gender/queer theory and academia.
• Realize that there are a variety of trans/gender expressions. Don't assume that people should express their gender similarly just because they both identify as transgendered. Likewise, don't judge someone because you think that their trans identity and gender expression conflict.
• Think about the language you use to differentiate between trans and non-trans people and if it's even necessary to differentiate.
• Don't assume trans people have a "shared experience" with people assigned the same gender.
• Don't assume FtMs are "better" than other men, or MtFs are not "as good" as other women (especially in terms of sexism).
• When doing introductions at a meeting, say the pronoun you prefer for that space along with your name, etc. (Facilitators should make sure this is done.)
• Be sensitive to pronouns you use for someone when dealing with authority, police. Keep in mind that people's pronouns/gender identity may not always match up with their I.D.
• Don't include us in your process of learning about intersex or trans issues unless we ask you about it.