"To while away the idle hours, seated the livelong day before the ink slab, by jotting down without order or purpose whatever trifling thoughts pass through my mind, verily this is a queer and crazy thing to do."
Yoshida Kenko
Welcome to my inner world. I've spent over three years putting this section of the Triplecee together. It reflects thoughts of long ago, and some more recent. As you read, you can see the spirit of the woman that is me grow and change. I've also deleted previous thoughts that, after reflection, I've decided they really don't reflect who or what I am. It is indeed a scary thing to place ones inner-most thoughts on page for the world to see and pick apart. Ah well, I'm not called the TIGER for nuttin!
The music is Brandenburg Concerto No. 1 in F, by J.S. Bach.
Pssst...if you've already read page one... 
Page 2(updated 9/7/2006) or Page 3
For those who have come to know me, my philosophy on life will come as no surprise. I believe that life is too short to sweat the small things, and the larger things I leave to the control of a higher power. I take one day at a time and am thankful for each day as they come....Good or bad, ugly or beautiful, I take great pleasure in this wonderful thing we call LIFE!
For the record, this picture was taken in 1998. Although like good wine, I've aged well, I just don't have any recent pictures.
The Clouds of Today
There is always hope of tomorrow
to brighten the clouds of today.....
There is always a corner for turning,
no matter how weary the way....
So just look ahead to tomorrow
and trust that you'll find waiting there
The sunlight that seemed to be hidden
by yesterday's clouds of despair.
Helen Steiner Rice
Thoughts on Love
Quoth Juliet from Shakespeares Romeo & Juliet..."O swear not by the moon, the inconsistant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb. Lest that thy love prove likewise variable....
Do not swear at all; but to be frank, and give it thee again. And yet, I wish but for the thing I have: My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite..."
Love is life's biggest mystery. It is the one gift that we all have the ability to give--or take away. One thing is certain, we are not all loveable, but we are all able to love.
How do we REALLY know when we are in love? Does love come upon us with all the noise and excitement of fireworks and a brass band, or does it approach us with the quiet of a winter snow? How frightening, yet wonderful, it is to give ones heart to another. We trust that our hearts, and therefore our love, will be cared for with love and kindness not with callous disregard. The act of loving someone is a very serious task. To freely give and receive love is a wonderful achievement, and I honestly believe that TRUE love, that form of love which can be felt but for only one person in a lifetime, is rare. But the beauty of something so rare, is that when you really, truly find it, you have in your possession a treasure far more valuable than anything in the world.
May we all find that one true love in our life, and may we all appreciate it when we find it.
Character
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but, if you want to test a man's CHARACTER, give him POWER!"Abraham Lincoln
A very special friend once said that "Character is what you are when no one is looking" and I believe that. It's easy to put on a front, but the true test of character is to be in the open what you are in your heart. Thanks, Jack! For a politician, you are very wise! :-)
Trust
Ah, TRUST. What a very simple, yet so important word. I've been told in the past that I am somewhat naive when it comes to the issue of trust.
All of my life I have taken people at their word, never dreaming that they would mean otherwise or intend to cause me harm. An innocent perspective, perhaps, but one that I cherished all the same. I felt sadness for those who always looked at others through suspicious eyes. For what joys they might have missed had they but put their faith in someone.
Then, little bit by little bit, human nature being what it is, it was proven to me that perhaps I was naive. That I WAS too innocent to have so much faith in people. The pain from this revelation was sharp and deep. Cutting me to the very depths of my heart and soul.
So, now, I keep my trust safely locked away deep inside. Only releasing it to a very few, and even then with much caution and wariness. I miss the innocent times, and sometimes wish I could have them back.
I guess, in some twisted way, those who have abused my trust deserve some thanks, because of them I live in reality - the here in now. Is that a good thing? Hmmm, another thought to ponder.
Sonnet XLVII
How careful was I, when I took my way,
Each trifle under truest bars to thrust,
That to my use it might unused stay,
From hands of falsehood, in sure wards of trust!
But thou, to whom my jewels trifles are,
Most worthy of comfort, now my greatest grief,
Thou, best of dearest and mine only care,
Art left the prey of every vulgar thief.
William Shakespear
Strength and Faith?
Along my lifes paths, I have been blessed with many joys. But, as is natures way, I have also faced adversity. The untimely deaths and serious illnesses of friends and family that seemed to pile up one on top of the other made me look to the heavens more than once and demand an answer to the inevitable question-WHY?
With no answers immediately forthcoming, I started to search my heart and soul, hoping to find the strength necessary to get myself and my family through these storms. My brother-in-laws infamous statement "Just wait 3 days, it'll not look so bad" kept coming up. Oh how I wanted to just choke him sometimes, that he would think such a simple statement would help. Well, much to my chagrin, it did.
No, our problems weren't gone, by any means, but they didn't seem quite as large as before. I guess I'm saying that all it takes is for us to take a step back and really look at what we are facing. Is it insurmountable as it appears? The tallest mountain may seem impossible to cross, but there is always a way..it's just in how you look at it.
When I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis I had to face the toughest trial so far. All the other trials were dealing with the pain and suffering of others and helping them as well as me through it. But now, I faced something that actually physically attacked me. The way I saw it, I had two options. To accept this as a defeat, to roll over and give up on life. To say that all physical activity was "too much" and wallow in a world of self-pity or I could step back take a look and face this new challenge head on. I never run from a fight and I don't intend to start now. Yes, I can't climb that mountain straight on, but I can get over the mountain by a different route. The bottom line, I'm getting over the damn mountain..it's not going to stop me.
We all get out of life what we put into it. If we face problems with a defeatist attitude, then we will be defeated. But, if we face things with the faith in ourselves that God, or whoever, put into our souls, then we can achieve anything.
I know that facing the dark side of life is scary, but I also know I don't have to face it alone. I have my family and very very special friends that are there for me to shore me up when I need it. That's what life is, or should be, about. Being there for one another, lending strength when needed.
So, after all this prattle you ask, yeah so where's the strength come from? It comes from within first then is added to by the love and caring of people around you. I'm blessed with a very loving and caring circle of family and friends. I could face the trials alone, but it would be a cold and lonely battle. With the support of family and friends, it's still a battle, but one that I know I will win.
After the deep waters recede and the dark hours give way to the light of God's love, you will be able to walk out of the shadows of sadness into the brightness of gladness, for you will realize that the sorrow of today is the joy of tomorrow.
Helen Steiner Rice
My Best Friend
My Best Friend has been a part of my world for what seems to be a life time. My Best Friend has seen the worst and the best of the person that is me - and accepts it. When the bottom seemed to fall out of my world, my Best Friend was there to shore me up, and give strength and courage to face another storm. My Best Friend has encouraged me to find and explore hidden talents that I didn't know I had. My Best Friend really wants to know how I am when asked. My Best Friend has shown patience and understanding, no matter how wild my thoughts or actions. I never doubt where I stand with my Best Friend, because I'm always being told, openly and honestly. I've no doubt my Best Friend loves me, demonstrations of that love come through the respect of my ideas, feelings, privacy and freedom. By now you've probably assumed that my Best Friend is not human. For how many humans truly show these qualities. But my Best Friend is human, and always amazes me with his kindness towards others who don't deserve it. He has claimed the title Best Friend long before he claimed the title Husband and Father. I consider myself wonderfully blessed that he is a part of me. Although I may not show it or say it enough, thank you, Mike. I love you.
Best Friends Always
Seasons and People
"....for everything there is a Season." Ah, how true that simple little phrase is. One of my favorite pieces is Vivaldi's "The Four Seasons". I think it's because through his music, he has managed to bring to life the changing of the four seasons - perhaps the changing of life itself.
Living in Colorado, I have the pleasure of watching the seasons come and go and take pleasure in each one. Yes, I grouse at the deep cold, but I love it just the same. It's wondrous to watch nature around me awaken with spring. The fields and prairie slowly coming to life with the browns of the sleep of winter turning slowly into a softer green. The budding plants slowly reaching towards the sky to be kissed by the sun. Flowers awaken. Their fragrant blossoms opening to greet yet another year. Spring is the time for new life, new hope. I look to the spring to not only start life again, but to refresh my outlook that through the winter may have become dull.
Once the early blossom of spring has grown into maturity, the living of summer begins. So much activity to follow. The birds flitting here and there, scolding squirrels who dare go too near their nest of newly hatched chicks. Our Watch Cat even seems more alive, running back and forth to catch a glimpse of Chris playing outside, or me encouraging a bed of flowers to TRY to grow. Yes, the summer sun is hot, and bakes the skin to a nice healthy brown. Giving ones body the vibrant feel of life. How nice to be sitting in the full glory of the warm sun, letting it's heated fingers play along my skin, making my whole being alive with energy. How lovely to sit by a mountain creek, listening to the water rush over the stones. Taking pleasure that I don't have to rush anywhere, but that I can enjoy what has to be Nature at it's best - the glorious Rocky Mountains. How sweet the smells of grass, trees and flowers are. How peaceful to look up at the deep blue sky and watch the thin clouds skitter by with the wind. A summer rain storm can not dampen my spirit, for I know it is but the nectar of life spilling onto the earth so that we all may enjoy the delight that is summer.
All too soon, it seems, the summer days wane into fall nights. School is back in session and the town is sadly quiet during the day. The farmers are gleaning the fruits of their labor from their rich fields. The colors of the season are starting to appear. Greens, blues and purples are replaced by golds, reds and browns. You can still feel the life around you as nature prepares the land for a much needed sleep. The nights are cooler, sometimes even frosty. How invigorating it is to walk out the front door early in the morning to see the first fall frost on the grass. The plants and trees slowly seem to curl inward, their leaves falling to the ground. The air is different, somehow. Oh, there is still the smells of nature, but they seem tired now. Yes, the land is tired from its summer of use and is ready to rest.
Sometimes, before we even have time to look at the calendar, Winter arrives in a mighty cold gust of wind and snow. Knocking the remaining dead leaves from the trees and covering the earth in a quiet white blanket. It is well, for the earth is fully asleep now, the fields and prairies silent once more. The only stirrings of nature are the few die-hard birds that never fly south and the stirrings in ones soul. The smells are different now. The cold all but obliterating any scent that may be outside. But inside...oh nothing beats the smell of the fire roaring in the fire place with cookies baking in the oven. The sweet scent of chocolate and nutmeg wafting through the house, mixing with burning oak or pine, welcoming everyone who enters. We watch the snow continue to fall, the wind blowing cold. Or, the sun may be shining and the sky blue, but the heat that the sun offers is no longer present. But we take heart, knowing that soon, nature will awaken and life will start again.
How easy it is to parallel the changing of the seasons to the changing of life. When we are born, everything is new and vibrant to us. We go through the summers of our life enjoying every blessed minute, hoping it will last forever. Then, as the fall of our life approaches, we greet it with the love of wonderful memories in our hearts. When finally, winter is upon us, we quietly accept it's presence and prepare to sleep. But, we still have the warm feelings of the seasons to keep with us forever and all time.
"May I look on you when my last hour comes; may I hold you, as I sink, with my failing hand."
Albius Tibullus c. 54-c.19 BC
Tis The Season......
I think we all remember a certain Christmas that stands out in our minds. As a little girl, I remember a Christmas here in Colorado when the weather was a balmy 65 and sunny and I was able to ride my cool, new banana-seat bike with the tiny front tire. As a woman, the most special Holiday time thus far would be the Christmas of 1989. Chris was 11 months old and my mom and dad came to Florida to be with us for his first Christmas. As it turned out, this would be our last Christmas with my dad as he would move on to heaven in December of the following year.
The Christmas of 1989 was a stand out, not only because it was Chris' first, but because that was the year snow came to Florida and as luck would have it, we were in Florida. The power company wasn't prepared for the amount of energy needed to keep houses alight with electricity, so on Christmas Eve at about 8 pm, the lights went out. It was cozy, wrapped up in blankets with hurricane lamps sitting around talking with my folks about Christmas past. It was then that my dad revealed to me why the holidays meant so much to him. He grew up during the depression and thought himself very blessed to receive a fresh orange and a nickel. He told us about the antics that he and my aunts and uncle would pull. My poor grandmother, what a woman of strength she must have been! But the best part about that Christmas was that we talked. No television, no radio, no noise at all. Just voices in the semi-darkness. Sharing our thoughts and feelings.
This holiday, as always, I face with a little sadness in my heart because although I miss my dad all year, the emptiness seems more poignant this time of year. Christmas isn't the same without hearing a gruff "Ho Ho Ho" at 5 O'clock in the morning waking us up. (No, the kids weren't the first to get up in the morning, it was dad). I've caught myself wiping many tears away this year as the Christmas music plays and I hang a certain ornament on the tree.
But, in my heart of hearts, I know dad will be with us this year. Physically, we may not see him, but already we feel him. From the off-hand comment from a nephew to the vivid dreams of my mom, dad is making his presence known. I'm glad and I hope I continue to feel his reassuring presence with me as I always have. Keeping me safe within myself, helping to guide my way.
This holiday season, I hope we all take a moment and share some quiet time with the ones we love. If the one you love is far away, let them know they are in your heart. If you are fortunate to have them close by, give them an extra special hug and warm holiday kiss. Mistletoe or not, even if it shocks the fire out of 'em, let them know you love them. That's what Christmas is about, LOVE. Not how many presents there are under the tree or how much food is on the table. But plain old fashioned love. Give something that can not be returned, a part of you.
Happy Holidays to all of my family and friends who visit this page from time to time. May the one who watches over you, provide you with peace and harmony through out the year. May you feel the love of the season deep in your heart and may you feel the freedom to give that love to those who matter most to you.
And dad....Merry Christmas! I Love you!
Dedicated to the loving memory of my dad,
Victor Lee Goudy
October 18, 1925-December 3, 1990.
The Leaning Tree
We all have a Leaning Tree. Someone or something that we go to during times when we need comforting and encouragement. What a secure feeling, knowing that the "tree" will always be there, no matter what the trouble. And when the trouble is past, what happens to the "tree"? Cast quietly aside until its strength is needed again.
Sometimes I don't think we realize how much we assume about the Leaning Trees in our life. We assume that they are always strong and resilient. Assume they never bend or almost break under stress of their own. We assume they are always happy - happy in life as well as happy to be there for others - and, for the most part, they are. But what about when they need to lean on someone? Where do they go? Who do they turn to? When convenient, perhaps previous "leanees" will lend half an ear, and a polite "tut-tut", but are they really listening? Probably not. Not really listening or truly hearing the pain and need in the words.
It's probably a good thing Leaning Trees are so strong and resilient. They need love and encouragement too, but through time and experience have learned to look inward when they need solice.
Friendship is a wonderful thing. Something I don't take for granted. I feel sad that there are people who use others to get through rough times or use them to "fill in" during times of trouble or to fill a need of the moment, only to later just cast them aside until they may be needed again, to pass some time.
To all of the Leaning Trees out there, my warmest thoughts and sincere thanks!.
I Love.......
......quiet early mornings,
......a GOOD cup of coffee,
......strawberries dipped in white chocolate,
......listening to rain gently tap on a window pane, while I'm snuggly-warm in a comforter,
......romance,
......loyal friendship,
......the adreneline rush of a good debate,
......to watch Chris grow in size as well as in humanity,
......a good book,
......soft music and rock & roll,
......bubble baths,
......flower deliveries,
......surprises,
......LIFE
Big Joy in Small Things
To get the most out of life, I have found that the "small things" in life often give me the most pleasure. Like the 30 minute rain shower that scents the air with sweetness. Watching my cat explore the outdoors, stalking an unsuspecting blade of grass. Cards made by 9 year old hands, filled with the sentiment only a 9 year old boy can give. Eating oreos and milk in bed at night watching old movies. Watching my elderly mother's face as she watches the chaos that is her family around her. Feeling the excitment of children finding books for the first time. Coming home to quiet understanding and a waiting tub of hot bubbles. Discussing books with friends. Sitting quietly, listening to the birds talk to each other in the middle of the day or hearing the wind blow through the trees at midnight. These things probably seem insignificant to most, but without them I believe my world would be less wonderful.
Page 2 (updated 9/7/2006) or Page 3 or 
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