"Are we there yet?"
Space Ghost gripped the wheel tighter. "No, Sisto, we are not there yet. Would you like to know how much closer to 'there' we are?"
'Ummm...Okay."
"2 minutes closer!! Before you ask that again in another 2 minutes, just think 'We must be 2 minutes closer' and don't ask! Got that?"
"Ummm...That's math. I don't do that good."
"Space Ghost?"
"And what do you want, freaky boy?"
Seedy Tek said, "Can I have a glass of water?"
"There's a whole six-pack of Pepsi back there! Drink that!"
Seedy mumbled, "I don't like Pepsi."
"Eee dunt leek Peppy," mocked Sisto in his little mocking voice.
"Cut it out!"
"Keet ip ot!"
"GRRR!" growled Seedy as began a-throttlin' Sisto anew.
"AAYY! Eee'm cherkin' apin--I mean, HEY! I'm chokin' again! AGAIN, Space Ghost! Seedy's chokin' me again!"
"LISTEN!! I've had just about enough out of you kids! Either you settle down RIGHT THIS MINUTE, or I'll turn this Phantom Cruiser around and we won't even GO to Six Flags Over Bespin!"
"Six Flags?!" whooped Sisto. "Oh boy! Take the advice of a seasoned pro like my own self: Before ya go on the Tilt-A-Brain, eat a lotta cotton candy. It don't taste as bad when ya puke."
"Six Flags?" sneered Seedy. "I thought we were going to prison, SISTO." He said the last word as nastily as he could.
"Did I say Six Flags? I meant prison. I'm going to do the usual 'Dump the miscreants on the Police Station doorstop and fly off' bit and put you two little monsters as far from me as possible. Six Flags...I don't know, two bickering brats in the back seats, I must've flashed back to the days I fought Galactic Crime with Jan and Jayce." Space Ghost sighed. "God, how I don't miss them." Suddenly he sat bolt upright in his seat. "Did I say Don't miss them? I mean--It was the Golden Age! Of those two lovable mop-tops, Jan and Jayce."
"Whatever happened to them kids? They bugged me and they bugged Brak too."
"They would've bugged Mother Teresa--I mean...They went to college. To learn stuff. Important stuff!"
"Like, doing funnels?" Seedy was a college boy himself.
"No, like how to not fall for that 'The Lurker is on that planet! Go find him!' bit unless they had an actual way to get off that planet. Cause they might be stuck there to this day, without any hope of esc--Umm, I mean...They're in grad school."
"Grad school?! They must be in their fifties by now!"
Space Ghost glared into the rear-view mirror. "Would you like to go to school there, Seedy? I'll enroll you if you like. The school is on a Special Magic Planet. How special and magic, you may ask? So special and so magic, that when the Special Magic Planet heard there was a place called HELL, they sued for plagiarism! Would you like to go there NOW?!"
Seedy slumped back into his seat and glared out the window. Sisto whispered, "I been to Hell. All it does is smell like farts."
"We can go to Hell right now, little misters! I've got plenty of gas!"
Seedy whispered "Gas!", and they both began laughing hysterically.
"What's so funny?" demanded Space Ghost.
"NOTHING." they said together.
"Hey," demanded Seedy right back at him. "How come I'm going to prison, when Sisto was the one who tried to kill you?"
"Snitch!" said Sisto as he punched Seedy in the arm.
In his best Intoning Voice, Tad intoned: "When you're older, you'll understand the Superhero Code."
"Which is what?" Seedy sneered.
"Clean the wax from your ears, you heard me! Maybe if you two didn't blast the Beeble Brox at all hours of the day you wouldn't be so deaf!"
Sisto made a disgusted snort. "Beeble Brox? Beastie BOOOYYYSSSSUHHH!," he said with as many extra syllables as one could squeeze into the word 'boys.'
Kids, thought Space Ghost. You can't live with them, but Zorak gets to eat them. "Would you two like to go play outside?"
"Ummm...In space?"
"There's plenty of room to run around!"
Seedy said, "But there's no air! We'd explode!"
Space Ghost thought, what ARE they teaching these kids in school today? Evolution? "You know, I've been in space many a time without a space suit, and am unexploded to this day! Perhaps the same wouldn't be true for you--but we can find out. Maybe instead we'll play a little game. No one talks until they see an out-of-state license plate."
"In interstellar space."
"That's right, Seedy! Now you two just sit quietly unti--"
"SEE ONE! SEE ONE!" Sisto screamed.
"In interstellar space?" asked Space Ghost increduously. "Where?"
"Right behind us! See? 'SISTO MD.' The MD stands fer Mack Daddy."
"Your ship doesn't count!"
"Space Ghost, I wanna go to my ship. Use the transporter and send me there!"
"Sisto, that is really transparent. You'll try to escape in it. But it won't work. It's affixed by an endurium tow hitch, and when I get to the Planet of Unscrupulous Used Space Ship Dealers, I'll get a good 200 Galactic Credits for it. But I'm still not putting you in it."
"Space Ghost!" whined Sisto. "How come the floor back here is brown and sticky and smells like monkey poop?"
"Space Ghost!" whined Seedy. "Sisto's picking his nose with the arm I'm handcuffed to!"
"Space Gho-o-o-st!" whined Sisto, hitting high C.
"WHAT?!"
"Are we there yet?"
Space Ghost hit the transporter "dematerialize" switch and Sisto vanished.
"You know," said Seedy, "A smart ghost wouldn't hit the 'rematerialize' button."
Space Ghost shook his head sadly. "That's the problem with you kids today. No sense of morality. That's what the Superhero Code is all about. You saved my life, but you broke the law by trying to kill Sisto, and that was wrong. It would also be wrong for me to leave Sisto unrematerialised. Now, you both must serve time in prison and learn to be better citizens." He pressed the rematerialize button thinking, That nosy little punk! Where did he learn how transporters work? Now I've got to rematerialize Sisto or have a witness! They send these kids to college, but all they do is come back smart!
The instant Sisto materialized in his ship, he fired up the engines. The little light on the Unified Field Point Singularity Intersticializer turned green. His battered old junker was ready to jump to an Alternate Reality. "YEAH!! Screw you and yer tow hitch, Dork Cheese! See ya, wouldn't wanna BE ya!!"
*FLASH*
"Yeee--HAWWW!!!" Sisto pushed a tape of "Trick of the Tail" by Genesis (with "Prop. A.DeFalco" scribbled on it) into the 8-track and began to boogie down to "Dance on a Volcano." "I did it, I did it!! I just gotta wait for the Intersticializer to recharge, and I'll blow outta whatever freaked-out Reality this is, head for the Ghost Planet, and snag Brak afore ol' Cement-Head knows I'm even gone!
"Oh, JEEZ! Ain't this just typical. 4 seconds into a new Universe, and some Space Hog is blockin' my path!" Sisto hit the horn. "Move it move it move it! Look at this jerk! Every time I try to pass, he cuts me off just like I was bein'--towed--by--
"Aww, SHIT."
Peep, peep went a little black box. Sisto picked up the mike and said, "10-4, good buddy! This here's the Rubber Duck!"
Space Ghost's voice crackled through the speaker. "I can't believe your only hailing frequency is a CB radio."
"Well, I gotta cell phone, but it ain't like I'm givin' you the number."
"Two words, Sisto: Endurium Tow Hitch. Now you settle down while I take you to Techwood Maximum Security Prison."
"Assumin' there is one in this dimension."
"Oh, and what's that supposed to mean? We're in another dimension? Where Good and Evil are reversed, and Spock has a beard? YOU are going to prison, young man!"
Sisto leaned back and took in the view. "Su-u-u-ure I am," he said, and began to sing along with the 8-track. "And if yer gonna cross, ya better start doin' it right! Better start doin' it ri-i-i-ight!!"