Fanfic written by: The RanMaFan
Based on Ranma 1/2 by: Rumiko Takahashi, all rights reserved.
Legend:
{xxx} is a new chapter
"xxx" means speech. Note that for Genma, if he is in Panda form this is the default for his signposts.
(xxx) Implies a minor action or note in the story
<xxx> means a thought by a character
(C) besides a name means the person's cursed form.
Italics and bold are stresses on certain words and sound effects.
*xxx* is a sound effect.
{Part 1- Ranma is Red and Shampoo is Viole(n?)t....}
*riiiing* *riiiiing*
*crush*
Shampoo: "Ranma, Nihao!"
A new summer morning opens up to Nerima, Tokyo, as Ranma opens the main doors of the Tendou Dojo to let in some fresh air for breakfast time. Well..... alright, everyone else in the living room gets a faceful of fresh, cold air blown in while Ranma gets a faceful of tire rubber.
*crash*
Shampoo: "Shampoo bring Ai Ren ramen for breakfast!"
Ranma stares upwards from his indenture in the floor as Shampoo pedals on, giving his nose an interesting texture. Then, closing his eyes in concentration, he manages to lift the bicycle off himself. Shampoo hops off her bike, delivery box in hand, and presents it to Ranma while Genma and Soun, having just reached the table, are staring at their seating places mysteriously taken up by a bike.
Shampoo: "Shampoo feed Ai Ren!"
Ranma, still sitting up from where he was flattened, watches as Shampoo sits in his lap and offers him some of the steaming noodles. Soun and Genma are still trying to get the bike off of their cushions, but the giant bonboris chained to it don't want to seem to budge.
Ranma: "Shampoo, I wished ya didn't do that."
Shampoo: "Shampoo just want to make sure Ranma get food, no want to stop just at gates. No show Shampoo love Ai Ren enough. Ranma eat now!"
Ranma sighs, rubs the fast fading red line on his face and pushes Shampoo's hand away.
Ranma: "Sorry, Shampoo, but Akane'll kill me if she catches me now."
Shampoo pouts in the most adorable way and fakes disappointment.
Shampoo: "Who care about silly violent girl? Shampoo MUCH better bride for Ranma! Besides, Shampoo cook better than bio...biowea...toxic waste girl!"
Shampoo waves another few strands of ramen in front of his nose tantalisingly, emphasizing her point, and the heavenly smells waft into Ranma's nose. Kasumi comes out of the kitchen holding a tray of vegetables and seaweed soup, while a trailing Nabiki carries a pitcher of orange juice. The two of them surrepitiously ignore Ranma and Shampoo as Ranma sniffs and nearly inhales the noodles before Shampoo giggles and pulls the chopsticks away from him. Ranma looks forlornly at the noodles in front of him, then at the breakfast being laid out behind Shampoo. His stomach growls angrily as he contemplates which one to go for first.
Ranma: <Man, sometimes I wished I didn't have such an appetite!>
*grooooagk*
Shampoo: "See? Ranma hungry when smell Shampoo's food!"
Ranma: <What the hell.>
Ranma shrugs and reaches for the chopsticks in Shampoo's hand. Shampoo smiles and hands them over to him, holding the bowl for him as he hungrily begins to dig in. In front of him, Genma and Soun are now fighting for Ranma's space, Genma pushing Soun's face with his foot while Soun squishes Genma's face with a palm.
Ranma greedily opens his mouth wide as he prepares to swallow his first batch of noodles.
*CRUNCH*
Akane: "Good morning, Ranma."
Shampoo stares at the Ranma-shaped hole in the floor, then at the flat side of the mallet barely level with what's left of the boards before looking up. She scowls.
Shampoo: "Aiyah, violent tomboy girl wake up already?"
Akane steps on the mallet as she storms by Shampoo with a sickening crunch, not bothering to look at either of them as she replies. P-chan, following her, squeaks as he reaches the mallet in the floor, before trotting on it as well with his nose high in the air.
Akane: "None of your business, bimbo."
Shampoo smirks smugly as Akane sits down and begins eating like nothing ever happened. She crosses her arms and raises her chin at Akane.
Shampoo: "Violent girl talking about herself?"
Akane: "What!?"
Everyone else at the table quickly makes a scramble to catch the flying bowls and utensils as Akane slams the table with both palms. Shampoo just stands there, giving Akane a challenging look while Akane begins to flare up with a reddish battle aura. Nabiki takes out a abacus and begins estimated damages to the house.
Nabiki: <Hm... bonbori holes, mallet holes, fist marks, footprints, what am I missing?>
Akane: "You take that back, you purple...... haired....."
Shampoo: "Uncute tomboy no strong enough to beat Shampoo?"
Akane: "We'll see about that!"
The two give each other a killer glare as sparks and lasers fly between
the twos' eyes, giving the Tendou Dojo a strobelight-like effect to the
casual passerby.
And just happening to be there at that moment, a certain long haired
girl with a box in her hand knocks on the gates to the Dojo....
Ukyo: <Hm, wonder why nobody's answering? Ah well, I'll let myself in! Ranchan'll be SO glad to see me!>
*click* *creeeeeeeeeeak*
Ukyo: <Oh my.>
Ukyo stares in front of her as Akane and Shampoo both get ready their battle stances, battle auras of blue and red flaring up. Even from down the footpath, the glow bathes everything in a purplish hue. She flings her box towards the koi pond and grabs her Battle Spatula, running towards the two.
Ukyo: "Hey! If this is about Ranchan, I want in!"
Soun, Genma, Kasumi and Nabiki all move the table and cushions out of the living room and place them besides the koi pond as Ukyo runs into the house, Soun sipping his tea while placing bets with Genma on who will win this time. P-chan looks on worriedly and on nerve's end as the third combatant joins the fun.
Soun: "I bet you.... 5000 yen on my daughter winning, Saotome-kun."
Genma: "And I bet you double that Ukyo will win, Tendou-kun!"
Nabiki: "Right, right.... 5000 yen for otosan, and 10000 yen for ojousama, winner gets 70% winnings, I get a 30% commission."
Kasumi just happily pours tea into Nabiki's empty cup as Genma begins to eat the Okonomiyaki thrown by Ukyo while watching the impending fight.
At the Kuno's residence.....
*chiiiirp* *tweet* *tweet*
Sasuke: "Master Kuno, it's time to wake up for breakfast! It's your favorite this morning."
Sasuke gently kneels by Kuno's side as the Kendoist slowly opens his eyes, the first thing in his sight greeting him with a brilliant smile. He smiles back at the figure patiently waiting above him.
Kuno: "Ahhh..... my pigtailed Goddess, where may I find you today?"
Sitting up, Kuno turns from the photo-poster on the ceiling to look at Sasuke. The look turns to a glare.
Kuno: "What are you waiting for, Sasuke? Go and get my bath ready! A great lord must never eat his morning breaking of fast without being spotlessly clean first!"
Sasuke: "Yes Master Kuno!"
Sasuke disappears in a flash, leaving Kuno to ponder the summer vacation's itenary.
Kuno: "Ah, Akane Tendou, Osage no onna.... how I do so pray for your safety from that villanous demon, Ranma Satome! Fear not, I shall seek you two out today and defeat that cur!"
With that, he raises his omnipresent sword into the sky, laughing like
a maniac.
In the bathroom, Sasuke mutters something about a bad storm brewing
as the sound of thunder rings through the mansion.
Soun: "Mamma mia, Akane-chan!"
Genma (C): *Bwoark! Bwoark!* "Go, go, Ukyo!"
Kasumi: "Oh my, Akane looks tired. Maybe I'll boil some ginseng for her...."
As the three circle each other warily for several minutes, the crowd outside begins to cheer them on. Akane eyes Shampoo, Shampoo eyes Ukyo, Ukyo eyes Akane. A flicker of an eye, and Akane goes flying towards Shampoo with a flying kick, while Shampoo throws a roundhouse kick and Ukyo swings her battle spatula to block them both.
*GONG*
Ranma: ".........."
Shampoo: "Aiyah, Ai Ren!"
Ukyo: "Ranchan!"
Akane: "Oops."
Ranma tries his best not to feel the pain of two feet and a metal utensil connecting solidly simultaneously at three different points on his head, while balancing the mallet at the same time.
Ranma: <Just when I thought it was safe to get up.....>
Instantly, Ukyo and Shampoo start tending to Ranma's face with absolute care and tenderness as Akane is shoved aside to stare bewilderedly before her surprise turns to exasperation.
Akane: <Hmph! Ranma doesn't need me then, he's got them both!>
She turns around to join her father at the table by the pond as Shampoo drags Ranma out of the hole in the floor and Ukyo tends to his head. Soun watches as Akane sits down besides him and begins to gobble her food down.
Kasumi: "Ara, Akane-chan.... don't eat so fast, you'll choke."
Akane stops eating long enough to look at Kasumi and speak with her mouth way too full.
Akane: "Thwanksh, Ochneh-chansh, butsh Aih cansh takeh ceh ofh muarshelf."
Kasumi 'o's her mouth and looks at Akane with concern while Nabiki shrugs as Akane goes back to her gobbling, collecting the lost debts of both men at the table, smiling to herself.
*tat* *pat* *tat* *pat*
Kuno: "Hurry, you fool! I fear that the fair Akane may already be in that cur's clutches by now! I shall not allow it!"
Sasuke: "Yes, Master Kuno!"
Kuno: "Here we are!"
*bam* *bam* *bam*
Voice: "Open up!"
Everyone turns their heads to the sound as the unexpected knocking grabs their attention. Ukyo looks up from the basin, cold towel in hand, as does Shampoo, still stroking Ranma's head which is on her lap. Ranma barely registers the sound though, the lumps on his face and discolourations making him look like his father in panda form taking a more important priority.
Shampoo: "Aiyah! Who disturb Ranma with racket?"
Ukyo: "Don't know, honey."
Kasumi gets up and walks to the main gates, still unopened for the day (Shampoo leapt over the Tendou's wall on her bike), and opens them. Seeing the person at the door, she simply smiles and bows slightly.
Kasumi: "Ara, Tatewake Kuno-san! Ohayo-gozaimasu!"
Both Ranma and Akane's eyes pop wide open when they hear Kuno's name. Akane spits her rice into the koi pond in shock (the koi having a morning feast as a result) and Ranma.... well, Ranma tries to get up in a frantic rush.
Ukyo and Shampoo are trying to hold Ranma down, but he proves too strong.
Shampoo: "Ranma! Ai Ren! Calm down!"
Ukyo: "Ranchan! Watch where you're....."
*bam* *slosh*
Ukyo: "Flailing." *sigh*
Ukyo slaps her head and shakes it as Ranma-chan blinks a few times to get some sense back into her head.
Shampoo just looks on concernedly, fingertip in mouth, not knowing what to do. However, Kuno does. Eyes widening at the sight of his beloved Osage no Onna, he runs past Kasumi screaming.
Kuno: "Osage no onna! Come to the safe embrace of my arms! To keep the cruel hentai Ranma at bay, I always say, stay with me this way!"
Ranma, Akane and the rest of the group watch as Kuno runs, slow motion, towards the main building of the Dojo while grabbing a bunch of roses from somewhere inside his kendou outfit.
Ukyo and Shampoo hop aside and watch as Ranma stares, helplessly, at the approaching maniac.
Kuno: "Osage no onna! I will date with you! I will give you the honor of spending one day with me!"
Ranma (C): "Eeeeyaaaaah! Get away from me, ya jerk!"
Akane watches on as Kuno grabs Ranma-chan and begins crying while rocking her side to side in his arms, lost in ecstacy. Ranma however..... well, Ranma's just lost in disgust.
Kuno: "Oh, I shall never let that villianous Ranma Satoma get the lovely damsels I call my Pigtailed Goddess and Akane Tendou! I shall keep both of you safe and sail the seven seas with thee, I shall walk the days with thou!"
Then he suddenly lets go of Ranma, who quickly begins gasping for breath and turns green with revulsion. He snaps his fingers as a thought enters his mind. (Not much of one, but......)
Kuno: "I know!"
Everyone looks at him as Kuno whips out a brochure and sits at the table in the living room, handily moved by Soun and Genma while he was hugging Ranma. Everyone scrambles to join him at the table as well as they observe the brochure. With some deja vu, Kuno whips out a pointer and starts tapping the brochure, on which a picture of a Boeing 747-B is printed onto. (This time.)
Kuno: "For me to keep these two lovely ladies away from the contemptible Ranma Saotoma, I will bring them on a month long vacation to the South Pacific....."
*flip*
Kuno: "Where a waiting cruise liner will sail and stop at several tropical islands for their shopping and other leisures!"
*picuk* *picuk*
Kuno nods and taps his pointer on the table to signify the end of his short travel plans, before Nabiki walks up to him and sits besides him. Kuno looks bewilderdly at her.
Nabiki: "Ah, Kuno-chan.... I know that while your concern for my sister and the Pigtailed Goddess is very touching, why not let us come too? After all, we ARE her family and friends."
Shampoo: "Mercenary girl Nabiki right, we come too."
Ukyo: "It'll be SO romantic, me and Ranchan...."
Shampoo: "Are? Pancake girl want Ranma......?" (Are -> Ah-re)
Ukyo: "Pancake!?"
While the two begin staring welding sparks at each other, Nabiki shrugs nonchalantly and continues.
Nabiki: "Too, what if Ranma came back and found the two girls gone? Wouldn't he be angry and look for us? Might he not threaten us with violence if we could not provide him with information on where to two are? Would Akane still love you...."
Akane suddenly opens her eyes about as wide as one of her mallet-heads at Nabiki's comment, and hisses loudly.
Akane: "ONEE-CHAN!"
Nabiki: *ahem* "Adore you if her only family were to be hurt? After all, what would happen if our father wasn't around to approve of anything....?"
Kuno looks thoughtful at Nabiki's argument amidst the blinding glare of the welding sparks still flying. He strokes his chin while Ranma looks over Kuno's brochure and the promise of cool air conditioning..... but just before Kuno answers, Ranma holds up a hand.
Ranma (C): "Matte matte matte! I don't trust this, Kuno.... what if that ship is stranded on some island again!? I sure ain't gonna sit there and let some weirdo kidnap me!" (Matte = wait)
Akane and the rest nod their assent at Ranma's statement.
Mousse: "As do I. I disapprove of anyone stealing my Shampoo!"
*crush*
Shampoo steps on Mousse's face, who appears from under the floorboards besides Ranma.
Shampoo: "Shampoo not Mousse wife, Shampoo is Ranma's!"
*to* *to* *to* *to*
Ryouga: "Me too! I refuse to let anyone dangerous near A.... anyone here!"
Cologne: "Yes, I must come along to take care of Shampoo and see if there's anything special I need...."
Happosai: "And I'm looking forwards to collecting some grass beauties! Haa haa haa!"
After Happosai's punted somewhere past the Ozone layer, everyone begins nodding and murmuring their assent again about the problems faced as Kuno laughs loudly.
Kuno: "Haa haa haa haa! Have no fear, my Osage no onna, for I, the great Tatewake Kuno, have ensured that everything WILL go as planned, and my loyal servant has seen to that! Sasuke!"
Sasuke: "Hai!"
Sasuke, wearing a pair of aviation goggles and a flight jacket complete with red scarf, gloves and boots, suddenly appears from out of nowhere. Everyone leans back in surprise, fingers stuck in the oyakusoku pozu. (That one with the thumb, index and pinky fingers extended.) Kuno pats Sasuke's head and nods approvingly.
Kuno: "Now then, go and prepare my private jet for the use of everyone here, Sasuke. We will leave as soon as possible so that cur Ranma does not have a chance to catch us rescuing these two Goddesses."
Sasuke: "Yes, Master Kuno! Right away!"
Sasuke disappears just as abruptly, and Kuno nods.
Kuno: "Come, let us get packed. I feel that we need to leave soon."
Ranma (C), Akane, Shampoo, and the rest: "Hai! Iku da yo!" (Yes, let's go!)