Sketches of Tenchi 12: A Plague of Angels A Tenchi Muyo! OAV/MnE/GXP fanfic by HKMiller 23 March 2002 Featuring characters created by Hiroki Hayashi and Masaki Kajishima, also copyright AiC and Pioneer; also prominently featuring characters created by Haruka Takachiho. Minor characters are from or inspired by other sources. - - - - - - - - - - At first it was the "same old, same old", ya know? Not that Yuri 'n I'd had much in the way of missions in that part of the galaxy, but otherwise the story seemed very familiar. Mysterious creature destroying everything and creating havok, yawn. So Gooley gave us the planet's coordinates and we headed out, figuring we could pick up anything else we needed to know by watching the news while in flight. So we get within range, and the news starts covering the failures of other teams who've gone in to try to stop the destruction. Yuri and I look at each other, puzzled, but she figures it out. The planet where all this is going on is part of the Jurai Empire, and every amateur team of "Soldiers of Love and Justice" in that part of the Empire was apparently headed for Epsilonsis IV. Real bozo system they've got there. Yuri and I watched this one team, caught live in action... - - - - - - - - - - In the distance, the enormous, roughly humanoid figure stopped in its rampage. Behind it, a trail of devastation led back through the city as far as the eye could see. Silvery skyscrapers lay broken and mangled; high-speed vehicles issued from a broken tunnel and crashed into a growing heap. Overhead, a floating cloudpark sparked as its lifter started to fail; it tilted and started to fall from the sky. The purple, long-armed monster tilted its head slightly, as if puzzled, at the three figures which confronted it, standing in the left foreground as the newscam caught it. Three large mechas, red, green, and blue, stood poised to fight. An amplified voice, high-pitched, caroled out over the battlefield. "Foul creature! We, the Magic Knights, will stop you! I am Rayearth!" The voice apparently came from the red mech. The newsguy's voice-over came simultaneously with a floating hypertag: "Lady Hikaru of House Shidou, 2nd degree hereditary military nobility, fiancee of Prince Masaki Youshou Jurai." "I am Windam!" added the green machine. "Lady Fuu of House Hououji, 3rd degree hereditary commercial nobility, also affianced to Prince Youshou," went the blurb. "And I am Selece," finished the occupant of the blue machine, who, we were promptly informed, was "Lady Umi of House Ryuuzaki, 3rd degree hereditary financial nobility, affianced to Prince Youshou." In obviously well-practiced unison, the three called out, "In the cause of Love and Justice, we will defeat you!" - - - - - - - - - - Well, they didn't; the monster proceeded to plow through all three, apparently impervious to anything they threw at it. And, in the meantime, most of the city got trashed. "Hey, Yuri, looks like we've already been there, doesn't it?" I called. "Really, Kei. This is just perfect for us; how can the situation possibly get any worse?" As we later found out, the three so-called "Magic Knights", upon their defeat, had retreated to some backwoods planet they'd been hanging out on, and recruited some friends to help them out. - - - - - - - - - - Tenchi woke to a scream. "AHHH! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR!?" Groggily, he identified the voice as Kiyone's. He sat up and looked around blearily. Hmm... Alielle was back again, he noted, judging by the head of hair evidently belonging to the arms wrapped around the sleeping Aeka. Best he get out of earshot before Aeka woke up and discovered this. Nodding decisively, Tenchi stealthily crept down the length of the bed and over its foot, then smoothed his pajamas before leaving his room. He glanced into Mihoshi's and Kiyone's room. Kiyone was staring at herself in the mirror, horrorstruck. Her hair had been cut quite short. It now bore a part straight down the middle and was brushed straight over to each side, falling just short of covering her ears. "But I like it, Kiyone," Mihoshi said thoughtfully. "So help me, Mihoshi, if you did this to my hair..." Kiyone spat out, clenching a fist. "Did you just wake up like that, Kiyone?" Tenchi asked. "Tenchi!" Kiyone's eyes widened. "Don't look!" "But it looks nice on you, Kiyone," said Mihoshi. "Doesn't it, Tenchi?" Tenchi did a rapid cost/benefits calculation, then agreed with Mihoshi. - - - - - - - - - - Tenchi descended the stairs to the living room, still conversing with Kiyone and Mihoshi about Kiyone's hair. He paused as he noticed somebody new sitting on the sofa in the living room. "Oh, Tenchi!" shouted Sasami gleefully. "Grandma, this is Tenchi, our fiance! Tenchi, this is Aeka's and my grandmother, Kamiki Seto Jurai." Tenchi bowed appropriately, and finished his descent of the stairs, studying Seto. He saw little resemblance to Aeka or Sasami, although the relationship to Misaki was obvious. Seto looked like a more mature version of Misaki, but with a slight greenish tinge to her hair color. Instead of the innocent mischief which Sasami's and Misaki's smiles sometimes displayed, Seto's smile seemed downright Machiavellian. "Ah. That explains it," Kiyone muttered in a low voice so that only Tenchi could hear. "Oh!" Mihoshi put her hand to her mouth in wonder, staring at Seto. "You're the one they call..." Kiyone quickly slammed one hand over Mihoshi's mouth, then continued for her, "...the Very Nice Princess of Jurai." Sasami snickered. - - - - - - - - - - Over breakfast, things grew hot again. "WHAT?!" shouted Kiyone indignantly. "You ADMIT IT?!" "Of course I cut your hair, dear," explained Seto, putting one arm around Kiyone and one around Sasami. "Now you look much like Sasami's old nanny. I think it'll make Sasami feel more comfortable in this alien environment." "And is that all, grandmother?" asked Aeka suspiciously. "Well, I was wondering about the possibility of convincing this poor dear to change her name..." "CHANGE MY NAME?!" screeched Kiyone. "'Kiyone' is just so...," commented Seto, waggling her hand. "How about we just rearrange the letters? How about Noyike?" Kiyone trembled, clenching her fists and gritting her teeth. "No, that isn't quite right... maybe Noike? Hmmm... yes, now that seems to fit you. Sasami, don't you think she looks like a 'Noike' now?" Sasami just smiled sheepishly and shrugged in reply. "Unfortunately I can't stay to convince you, I'm afraid. I must be on my way very shortly. But do think about it, won't you, my dear?" Seto said to Kiyone with a smile. "Umm, Kiyone, is your face supposed to turn red like that?" wondered Mihoshi. "Grrr." - - - - - - - - - - After breakfast, the household had just walked outside to see Lady Seto off and enjoy the nice weather when a green bubble appeared on the lawn, then blinked out. Hikaru, Fuu, and Umi stood in its place, wearing some sort of battle armor, burnt and battered around its edges. All three promptly collapsed. Shortly, the three were revived, and sitting on the veranda, sipping Sasami's tea. "We were bored," Hikaru explained, "just sitting around here with our fiance, Prince Youshou..." "...who keeps trying to hide us whenever he has visitors to the shrine," Umi muttered darkly. "And he always acts embarrassed that we exist, and he keeps making 'secret' interstellar calls to beg someone named 'Airi' for help..." "...so we decided to go looking for adventure," finished Fuu. Sasami clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, right! You guys are Soldiers for Love and Justice, right? I always thought that would be so cool to be one!" "Sasami! That's for nobles, not for royalty! The populace would not appreciate it if you were hurt in a brawl!" Kiyone snorted. "How your system ever produces justice I'll never know. Justice is a job for professionals, not amateurs." Aeka turned to stare frostily at Kiyone. "I'll have you know that the polls give much higher popularity ratings to the average Juraian Licensed Soldier of Justice than to the average GP officer!" Kiyone, looking blank, muttered, "...and what the polls say matters because?" Hikaru took up the story. "So, anyway, we were cruising towards the Far Periphery..." "...that is spinward, out, and south from this solar system..." offered Fuu by way of explanation, with a glance at Tenchi. "...when we heard about problems on one of Jurai's newer colonies." continued Umi. "Naturally, we took action." A holographic image of their pre-encounter speeches speeches and poses, appeared in the air before the group. At its conclusion, Kiyone shook her head. "This is supposed to be police work?" "Wow!" rhapsodized Mihoshi, enthralled. "I wish we could do that! It looks neat!" "Anyway, we attacked it. But we couldn't do any real damage to the creature," said Hikaru sadly. "It had a force field completely impervious to all our attacks. And its arms extended to grasp our mecha before we could react," added Umi glumly. "It destroyed our poor machines! We just barely managed to beam back to our ship in time." Fuu mourned. "That creature needs to be stopped," insisted Hikaru. "But it's going to take a lot of force to do it." "Hmmm..." Washuu set to work typing. Over to one side, a flat panel holographic display appeared, turned to JNN. Additional displays, appearing out of nowhere, supplemented it. One display in particular caught the attention of Hikaru, Fuu, and Umi, who looked appalled. "Those hags! They're going in where we failed!" "Who?" asked Sasami eagerly. "Anybody I've heard of?" "Momoko, Yuri, and Hinagiku. Our arch-rivals, the Love Angels." "Wow; they must be new. I've never heard of them," said Sasami eagerly. "Are they cool? Do they have neat speeches and poses?" "Nobody's called the GP in yet," noted Kiyone, who'd been looking at a Galaxy Police feed on a different screen. Edward, who was typing on her own laptop, chimed in, chanting, with a big grin, "Rivals with a rep so bad, who could make my pals so mad?" Then, in a more normal voice, she added, turning to face Mihoshi and Kiyone, "The Galaxy Welfare Association is coming instead." "Not them..." Mihoshi blanched and started trembling, chewing on her fingernails. "Yessiree! The _famous ace troubleshooters_," announced Ed in a low, slightly stilted, overly-dramatic voice, "codename: Lovely Angels." Kiyone started turning red with anger. "Those two IDIOTS! How the hell did they get permission to enter Jurai space?" Washuu looked up from her typing, caught a glimpse of a screen showing the humanoid's attack, and froze. "Th- that..." "Do you know something about it, Washuu-sama?" asked Aeka. Washuu came out of her momentary freeze. "That's -CHAN!" she shouted, glaring at Aeka. "But, yes, I do. I created that, and twelve more like it, over fifteen thousand years ago. But how did they escape? I buried them on an uninhabited planet far from the nearest outposts of civilization!" "Jurai colonized Epsilonsis IV about four thousand years ago," said Hikaru slowly. "Four thousand fifty-seven," clarified Edward, still typing. "Epsilonsis IV? Was COLONIZED? What idiot did that? I built that planet to be a trash heap for my most dangerous experiments!" Washuu grabbed two fistfuls of her hair and looked as though she were about to tear them out. Edward looked up from further typing, smirking. "The then Minister of Imperial Colonization approved it, overriding the unanimous opinion of his advisory council. He retired shortly afterwards, joining the board of the megacorp to which he had granted colonization rights." "Typical Juraian business ethics, then," said Ryouko with amusement. She ignored Aeka's return glare. "But we'll bring him to justice!" caroled Hikaru, Fuu, and Umi in unison, raising clenched fists in the air to cross at the wrists. "I don't THINK so," chanted Edward merrily. "The gentleman in question is Hikaru's great-grandfather, Fuu's great-great, and Umi's great-great-great-great-great." The three's shoulders drooped. "Anyway, as I said, there are thirteen of those things running around. They all have the same forcefield, but different shapes and abilities. I called them 'Angels'. Well, we'll have to go and stop it ourselves, I think. Tenchi might be the only one who can." "As usual." Ryouko plucked Ryou-ou-ki off the top of Sasami's head and hurled her skyward. In short order the entire group was en route. - - - - - - - - - - Yuri 'n I were both surprised by how easy it had been to enter Juraian space. We'd been denied entry in the past (with some rather unflattering comments). But this time, approval came very quickly, apparently expedited by someone named 'Kamiki Seto Jurai'. Yuri looked her up, and found that she, like us, had somehow acquired an uncomplimentary sobriquet: 'Demon Princess'. No doubt she sympathized with the difficulties Yuri and I sometimes run into because of that horrible name people keep applying to us. So Yuri 'n I get to this planet, Epsilonsis IV, in the middle of nowhere and report to the planetary governor. Lucky us; we get there at exactly the same time as another crazy bunch: three girls wearing, believe it or not, floor-length white dresses, gloves, and veils, holding bouquets of flowers. And get this: they _demanded_ first shot at the monster. Well, Yuri 'n I weren't exactly gonna argue, know what I mean? But we couldn't get the planetary governor's attention at first. "Oh no. Oh dear. What shall I do? What CAN I do?" This bald, short guy, middle-aged, just kept pacing back and forth in his office, nervously rubbing his hands together. "Err... how about letting us go fight the monster?" "No, no, it's not about that; we've just realized: some of the citizens who've been killed by the monsters don't have recent backups of themselves or their homes or possessions on file! We're not sure if we've lost them, or if the citizens just didn't do their backups. Either way, we can't restore their present selves! Some of the backups are centuries old; if we restore from those, the citizens will be centuries out of date! What will we do? What CAN we do?" The guy just keeps pacing, rubbing his hands together. "Some of them don't even have insurance for bodily reconstitution!" Yuri and I glance at each other, perplexed. "So what? They didn't do their backups, they pay the penalty." The three in the white wedding gowns just glared at us. "SO WHAT?!" the leader says indignantly. "Just think about how they're going to vote in the polls! The whole planetary government might be toppled! And WE certainly don't come out looking good." The second bride, also named Yuri, added worriedly, "The only way any team of Soldiers comes out of this affair looking like winners is to produce the lost backups from somewhere." I just stared, open-mouthed. Yuri (my Yuri, not the one wearing the gown) said, taking a step forward, "Can we just worry about stopping the monster?" "I'm not surprised you two don't realize the importance of good public relations, given the popularity figures you two get!" The third 'bride', Hinagiku, pointed an angry finger right at Yuri (mine). Yuri stepped back, into me. Our bare hands met and the world faded. - - - - - - - - - - The usual cloudy background appeared. A huge cube appeared in the sky, to be cut in half by a bare-chested, muscular hero who came out of nowhere, swinging a sword of pure light. His teeth glinted in the sunshine as he smiled. Other scenes followed in quick succession, the same, incredibly handsome figure slicing another dozen quickly- glimpsed shapes in two. - - - - - - - - - - "Mine," I heard Yuri whisper, even as my own lips shaped the same word. We came back to ourselves only to see that the so-called 'Love Angels' had taken advantage of our momentary precog trance to head for the monster first. - - - - - - - - - - Elsewhere, we later learned, we ourselves were the topic of discussion. "They're from a rival galaxy-wide agency, Tenchi," explained Kiyone. "The Galaxy Police is specifically chartered for fighting interplanetary crime and space piracy, and we're armed and trained for that purpose. There are many other, similar galaxy-wide organizations established by the Galactic Union: the Galaxy Library Institute, for instance, and the group these two idiots belong to: the GWA. They're supposed to be more general-purpose trouble-shooters, for stopping disease epidemics or long-lasting financial depressions, for instance." "So why are these two coming to stop a monster?" Tenchi scratched his head, puzzled. "Kei and Yuri happen to have a portfolio which largely overlaps the GP's: they're trouble-shooters nominally specializing in crime." "But things seem to happen around them a lot," Mihoshi added solemnly, nodding wisely. Everyone else present paused to give her a long look. "Mihoshi means that the Pair has a galaxy-wide reputation for destruction," Kiyone finished. Nearby, Aeka and Sasami finished questioning Ed. "And ALL of the nearby Soldier teams are related to this corrupt and unworthy scoundrel?" Aeka asked. "This, what was his name again, this Oshoku Jou?" "Ed checked the twenty closest," the urchin chortled as she spun a slow circle in mid-air. "All have at least one member descended from him." "But that means that they can't bring him to justice," Sasami noted, glancing at Aeka. "Indeed not, Sasami," Aeka confirmed. "That would display a lack of breeding and manners which would doom their team's poll ratings for decades. We must find another solution for bringing about justice in this case. Let me think about it; not all the means at our disposal are equally bound by considerations of popularity." "What," wondered Ryouko, appearing out of nowhere almost nose- to-nose with Aeka, hands clasped behind her back and wearing a mischievous grin, "you just happen to have an I.M. Force or a Noir Team up your sleeve or something?" "You are not supposed to know about those!" snapped Aeka. "Forget about them immediately!" - - - - - - - - - - So we catch up with the trio just in time to see their trademark speeches and poses. The leader waved her flower bouquet around with one hand as she spoke. Yuri 'n I watched all this from the cockpit of the Lovely Angel, high above. "On this pleasant planet, on this nice spring day, the warm sunshine should be raising one's spirits. However, you have depressed the spirits of the people by devastating their cities and killing them by the hundreds of thousands. This has made me, the Angel of Love, Wedding Peach, become mildly upset with you!" This, accompanied by a series of synchronized gestures which ended with all three girls pointing their bouquets at the monster, just floored Yuri and I. We fell backward on top of Mughi; we couldn't stop laughing for minutes. It didn't help when the monster itself tilted its head and beak to the side, as if puzzled. Then the three bimbos did some trick with flashing lights and a quick change of clothes. Now, dressed in short, brightly colored outfits, each with something on their thigh which looked for all the world like a garter belt, they all three pointed up into the air in synchronized motions. And then they just flew. As in up. No visible jetpacks, nothing on their backs. Yuri started typing rapidly into the sensor board. Turned out the 'garters' were highly miniaturized, combined anti-grav/thruster units. I turned to Yuri. "You've gotta be kidding me. They only have them on one leg. Wouldn't that make flying incredibly awkward? And wouldn't thrusters that small have, like, a significant chance of exploding any given time you used them?" Yuri replied, "I don't see how they couldn't. Of course, this is Juraian tech; maybe theirs are safer. Still, what's wrong with a standard flightpack?" I answered, gloomily, "It's probably all about their 'wedding' theme and their poll numbers. But they're good for something; I've got a clear shot with the main phaser cannon while they're distracting it." I aimed and fired. I hit the monster dead center in its chest. And nothing happened. We checked the replays in slo-mo. Some sort of visible energy field appeared just before the beam hit the monster. Not white, like a Light Hawk Wing would be, but apparently just as impregnable. Instead of absorbing the energy, this field reflected it. Yuri and I looked at each other. "What now?" we asked simultaneously. We both shrugged, then looked back at the battle to see how the bimbos were doing. They continued to fly around the monster like gnats, shooting it with beams from their hands, to no effect. It didn't look like the monster even noticed them. One of our side monitors, tuned to the local news stations, broke in with a reporter announcing the results of the latest polls. Our three allies' popularity had taken a three-point drop in the last ten minutes. Yuri called my attention to a new entrant descending from the upper atmosphere above us. It was one of the weirdest ships I'd ever seen, four crystal spikes emerging from a central tower, the whole thing an ugly grey. The news reporter interrupted herself to name the ship the "Ryou-ou-ki", and then said that the probable occupants included several members of Juraian royalty. "Oh, great," I said to Yuri. "Now we've gotta protect these crazy royals who think they can do something about the situation." Yuri tried to contact the ship to warn them away from the area, but they just ignored us. The ship descended to about one thousand feet above the monster, then stopped. Three more flying figures emerged. I magnified the scene, and suddenly found it difficult to breathe. The most gorgeous man I'd ever seen, the man from our precognitive vision, was one of them, wearing a pink kimono. A sword of pure light appeared in his hands, then grew. He chopped downward with it towards the monster. "No! It's too strong! It'll kill you," I heard Yuri whisper, and made a mental note to myself that I'd have to move quick to beat Yuri to this guy. The sword clashed with the monster's forcefield and stopped, but held its position. The man grit his teeth; the muscles in his forearms tensed. Slowly the sword pushed through the monster's field. Once through, the monster itself was no barrier at all to the blade's passing. - - - - - - - - - - We landed near the area where the Ryou-ou-ki's crew had beamed down. The so-called Love Angels had landed as well, and greeted the new arrivals with brief bows. This little girl with sky-blue hair was earnestly pumping all three of their hands and peppering them with questions. Yuri and I got out and walked over, accompanied by Mughi. There were a whole bunch of the royals, but only the one guy. And two of the women surrounding him were all too familiar to us. "What are YOU two doing here?" I demanded of GP detectives Mihoshi and Kiyone. "How the hell did you ever get permission to enter Jurai space?" Kiyone, the uptight one, just snorted and looked away. Mihoshi, the brainless one, clasped her hands together and said, "Tenchi invited me. And now we're going to be married!" "Not just you!" sniped this purple-haired snooty princess-type in a formal kimono, echoed a moment later by this weird biker chick type with spiky cyan hair. This short, red-headed girl seemed surprised when Mughi walked out from behind us. "A coerl. You keep a coerl as a pet. Are the two of you completely insane?" She asked impertinently, waving a small sensor device in Yuri's face. "They feed on phosphorus taken directly from living tissue." "Oh, izzat what that stuff is?" I asked, surprised. I glanced at Yuri; she shrugged. "We just order his food from central supply." Mughi growled briefly at the red-haired twit. "So what if I'm blowing your cover? Do I care?" the twit replied, pretending she could understand Mughi. Kids these days! "You two must be the Lovely Angels I've heard so much about," said the love of my life, looking the two of us up and down and bowing briefly. His eyes definitely spent more time on my nice tan than on Yuri's pale skin. "I'm Kei, and the ugly, temperamental one here is Yuri," I said as quickly as I could, taking a quick step forward to cut Yuri off. Yuri anticipated me, though, and took a dancing step to her left, then forward in front of where she thought I'd be. I tripped over her foot and dragged her along as we both fell onto Mr. Perfect. I looked up to see three faces livid with anger, several more suffering from concern, and a pair of red-haired twerps, cackling with laughter. - - - - - - - - - - Eventually we got everything straightened out. The three bimbo 'Love Angels' retired to a nearby outdoor bistro with these other three, the 'Magic Knights', who came back with the royals, apparently to reminisce, kibbitz, whatever. Yuri 'n I huddled with the red-heads and Prince Tenchi, as we learned he was called, and a few of his other hangers-on. The taller of the two red-heads, we learned, was the legendary Hakubi Washuu, some geeky science whiz-kid from way back. This Washuu claimed to have created the monster herself, some fifteen thousand years ago, as well as a bunch more. We watched her type away on her computer, running a search for the rest. While this was going on, that snotty Princess Aeka was placing a vidcall to her brother, Prince Youshou, on that backwoods planet they'd all been living on. - - - - - - - - - - "Brother, I seek your advice on the matter of the retired minister Oshoku Jou, who, it seems, corruptly permitted colonization of this planet, Epsilonsis IV. Normally, such a one would be brought to justice by any available team of Soldiers of Love and Justice, but we have encountered a problem in seeking to enlist them in this particular case." "She means none of them can do it 'cause they're all related to him," Ryouko amplified, suddenly standing right behind Aeka. Aeka attempted to elbow Ryouko in the solar plexus, but she was no longer there. "Hmmm... that does seem to be a grave problem," Youshou allowed, holding his chin in his right hand and nodding his understanding. "It has occurred to me," Aeka said diffidently, "that this might be a case where perhaps one of the... 'other assets'... available to the Royal Family might be brought into play. It does seem to me that this matter has now become our responsibility." "I can see where such a course of action might occur to you," Youshou admitted, pursing his lips in consideration. "Do you agree with me that we should activate one of these teams?" asked Aeka with a little more intensity in her tone, "and, if so, do you think a Noir Team or an I.M. Force would be more suitable?" Youshou's eyes widened. His eyes quickly shifted left, then right, before the incipient panic on his features was replaced by a crafty smile. After appearing to give the matter due consideration, Youshou said carefully, "I must admit that I think the employment of a Noir Team for this matter seems out of proportion." "I see." Aeka said, testily. "I will refrain from asking whether your personal situation has any bearing on your advice. Please ask the relevant ladies to join this call, and I will issue their charge. And if you wish to send the other pair to this planet as well, I am sure we can find some use for them." Youshou nodded, pleased, then stepped away from the screen and called out the door of his office back at the Masaki Shrine on Earth. A few moments later, the faces of Sutingurei Shiria, Daitokuji Pikko, Amberudon Teruzi, and Haafusaaku Menori, four of Youshou's official fiancees, filled the screen. "Good morning, Shiria," Aeka began, using the ceremonial words, millenia old. "The man in this picture is Oshoku Jou, a retired minister recently determined to be guilty of corruption. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to expose his corruption to the empire and bring him to justice in the traditional manner. If any member of your Imperial Majesty Force is caught or killed, the Royal Family will disavow any knowledge of your mission." Aeka held her solemn expression as she finished reciting the ancient charge. Shiria answered for the group. "Your Highness, we understand and accept the mission." She, Pikko, Teruzi, and Menori then bowed and cut the connection. "Okay, you've managed to surprise me," admitted Ryouko, appearing again beside Aeka. "Those girls have lived with us or just up the hill for months, and neither you nor they have ever once let this slip." Aeka smiled craftily. "A princess must be able to keep secrets, Ryouko. Keep this in mind for when you become one." - - - - - - - - - - Turned out all of the other so-called 'Angels' were still buried in this pit five miles deep, with an entrance tucked away in the middle of this huge mountain range. "Almost certainly still dormant," the twerp chirped at us, obviously amused. Well, Yuri and I knew what THAT meant: the damn things would wake up as soon as we got there, whether we had anything to do with it or not. Still, it WAS our job to see this through. So there we were, Yuri and I accompanying Prince Tenchi, detective Mihoshi, the biker chick Ryouko, and, to our disbelief, two of the kids: Edward and Alielle. The latter kept giving Yuri 'n I these odd looks and licking her lips. Gave me the creeps. We took one of our hovercycles down this long shaft. Got pretty dark, but Ryouko made this ball of light which helped some. At the bottom, just as Washuu had said, an entrance to the side led into an enormous cavern. Our steps, quiet as they were, echoed eerily in the silence. In the dim light, we could just make out a number of large, indefinite shapes. I could hear detective Mihoshi whimpering behind me. I hoped she was pointing her blaster somewhere else. "Ryouko, a bit more light, please? Edward, where is the 'S2' power supply in this first one?" Tenchi called. Yummy, such a masculine, assertive tone in his voice, too. Edward cocked her head, staring into the screen on the hand-held detector she carried. "Swimmer, flyer, halo, cube, lead me to your access tube," she chanted, then drifted towards the nearest shape. Pretty soon she was shining a laser pointer at a particular spot on the chest of the nearest. "Full meters five the S2 lies; without its power the Angel dies," the geek continued in a stilted funeral tone. Yuri and I glanced at each other. I rolled my eyes. Yuri stifled a giggle. Mr. Handsome (even if he did have too many fiancees) summoned his Light Hawk Sword and cut where Ed pointed. Much to Yuri 'n my surprise, nothing unusual happened. Nothing much unusual happened, in fact, as we went through the rest of the cavern, disabling all the other 'Angels'. - - - - - - - - - - Up above, this fact was surprising somebody else, too. "I can't BELIEVE it. Nothing's going wrong. Not one of the things is waking up and killing millions of people." Kiyone sounded as astonished as she looked. "This NEVER happens with the Dirty Pair." "Oh? Disaster occurs that frequently around them?" asked Washuu with interest, as she tracked the team's progress down below. "They've never had one, single mission go right in their entire careers, except for the one where Mihoshi and I met them." "Hmmm... maybe I'd better run a few tests, then," replied Washuu. "You said they're supposed to be precogs, right?" "That's supposedly why the GWA recruited them, though I've never heard that it helped them any." "If they're beneficially psychic in one way, they might have another, off-setting but less obvious, psychic gift as well," Washuu commented absently. "So why isn't it triggering now? Oh, well, more experiments to run," she added gleefully. - - - - - - - - - - By the time we all got back up on the surface again, without any disasters or anything happening, two more teenage-looking girls had arrived, Rei and Asuka. Turned out they, like the 'Magic Knights', were fiancees of Tenchi's grandfather, Prince Youshou. Guess it runs in the family. Everybody had joined the two teams of 'Soldiers' at the outdoor bistro (which was, I admit, a very nice place for kicking back and letting loose. Lots of pretty-good-looking guys in every direction). Yuri and I were trying to ignore Mihoshi and Kiyone, pretending to consult with Washuu while making sure Tenchi had a good view of us. To tell you the truth, I was starting to sour on him, though. I mean, a little competition is fine, as long as you win; it just means that you've picked the right guy. But this Tenchi was somehow stringing along at least eight fiancees! He'd somehow convinced them all they were happy sharing him, too! And on top of all that, he wasn't even looking at me very often! Just to my right, Sasami exclaimed in delight as the waiter droid brought her food, Rei's, and Asuka's. I glanced her way just as Sasami asked Rei to pass her a knife. I blinked, startled. Did I really see that? It looked like this manikin-like teenager had just flipped that knife around, one-handed, in one of the slickest moves I'd ever seen. Sasami's face sure looked like she'd seen something unusual, but the other new girl, Asuka, didn't look the least bit surprised. She had something else on her mind. "You just left those things disabled down there?" Asuka asked Washuu. "Can you make mecha out of them? I've always wanted my own mecha. Bright red, to fit my personality! C'mon, Wonder Girl, let's go pick up some mecha of our own!" - - - - - - - - - - Meanwhile, the foursome we hadn't met yet had made it to the planet Drazilon VI, where the corrupt minister, Ochoku Jou, lived in a secluded villa, well fortified against intruders. "Thanks to Teruzi, we have all the evidence we need. However, in order to give him the traditional notice, we have to get into his villa surreptitiously," Shiria said, as the four hovered over a detailed holomap of the villa. "He has the standard defenses against incoming uninvited teleports, Which means we have to get Pikko's miniaturized teleporter inside his villa somehow, preferably into his smoking library." Shiria indicated the room she wanted. "What about miniaturized 'bots carrying it in over the walls, Pikko?" "I don't think they'll work. His defenses were made by my father's megacorp; they're of my design, just last year," Pikko said regretfully. "They'll spot my 'bots, and then we'll have a shooting war." "Right." Shiria turned to Teruzi and Menori. "Then it's time for our secret weapon. Here's the map; do your stuff, you two." Menori put down her panpipe and summoned her pets. The fire lizards appeared in the air around them, swarming around and around, but eventually setting down on any convenient surface. "Fortunately, nobody but we know that these little-known creatures can get through any teleport defense," Pikko commented. "Though it's still a mystery to me how they do it." "Please DON'T figure it out and design an improved defense for your father," Shiria said tiredly, "at least not while we're in this business." Teruzi looked Menori in the eyes and nodded. The two went en rapport, Teruzi's xeno-telepathy enhancing Menori's natural empathy for her pets enough so that highly specific orders could be communicated to the lizards. The fair of fire lizards, clustered together, picked up Pikko's teleporter and vanished. - - - - - - - - - - I signalled Yuri and we both headed for the bathroom. Once away from the table, I hissed, "Yuri, this guy is the pits. He hasn't even glanced my way for fifteen minutes now. And the competition's too much. Our job's over; let's just take off." "Kei, what are you talking about? He's cute! And he's looked MY way twice in the last five minutes. Let's stick around, at least until they all leave or something. We aren't in any hurry." "He's only looking at you 'cause you're flashing him cleavage!" Yuri always pretends to be the cool, cerebral one, but don't you believe it! When it comes to cute guys, she's as scatter-brained as anyone I've ever met. "If you've got it, flaunt it, I always say," Yuri replied with a smirk, flipping her hair back. I growled at her, but she was right: we didn't have anywhere else we needed to be right now, and, what they hey? The guy might still come to his senses and tell me I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. - - - - - - - - - - Shiria, Pikko, and Teruzi 'ported in, leaving Menori behind to monitor their progress. Judging by the time, Oskoku Jou was almost certainly at dinner. Carefully, Shiria cleared away the surface of the table beside the most-worn armchair, and adjusted the reading light to shine right onto it. Pikko handed her the traditional notice and ceremonial silver devolver, with a single charge. As quietly as they came, the three beamed out. Half an hour later, Oskoku Jou walked in, wearing an elegant silk smoking jacket, carrying a glass of cognac and smoking a cigar. He saw the letter and devolver. The cigar fell, unnoticed, from his mouth; the cognac glass shattered on the floor. Crossing rapidly to the table, he ripped the letter open. He was afraid he already knew what it would say: that evidence of his corruption (and its consequences to the population of Epsilonsis IV) was on its way to the news media. Oskoku Jou stood still, head bowed, contemplating a future devoid of even respect, let alone competitive poll ratings. The prospect seemed unappealing. One alternative remained: the traditional, honorable way out. His shoulders stiffened, and he picked up the devolver. - - - - - - - - - - And back on Epsilonsis IV, things were rapidly changing for the worse. "Nope, no question about it!" the snippy redhead said. Boy did I ever want to wipe that smirk off her face. "The psychic 'bad-luck' aura you two generate is completely dampened as long as the two of you stay within a hundred meters of Mihoshi. And your clairvoyance abilities are enhanced, too!" "Screw this! C'mon, Yuri, we're out of here!" I snapped. "Too late! Ed already informed your superiors," the other twerp cackled. "And beside," the midget pervert purred, "I'd like to get to know the two of you SO much better." Our communicators buzzed. It was our boss Gooley, natch. And what did he want? He ORDERED us to stay with this polygamous prince and his sap brides-to-be. He showed us the pile of petitions on his desk, begging us to spend the rest of our lives with them. "Well... we're NOT marrying you, understand!?" I shouted at Tenchi. "Even if you are kind of cute," added Yuri. "We're gonna figure some way outta this," I insisted. "And when we do, we're outta here!" "So it doesn't matter what nice things you say to us," Yuri assured him. "Or even if you happen to give us candy or flowers." "Cause we're still leaving! As soon as we figure out how!" - - - - - - - - - - THE END (for now). This and other fanfics (including parts 1-11) stored at: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/5058 Notes: Why the first-person, told by Kei? Because that's the way Haruka Takachiho always wrote his novels. Mughi really is a Van Vogt coerl in the original, too; that's one respect in which the American manga is closer to the original than the anime was. And what was up with Seto and Kiyone? Well, the release of GXP and its revelations puts me in a bind, since I'd already added Kiyone to this cast. Who could have guessed that Kajishima would decline to add Kiyone in OAV III, but instead introduce a different green-haired former partner of Mihoshi's? I decided I'd try to stay as close as possible to the OAVs, which means changes for Kiyone. Hikaru, Fuu, and Umi (Magic Knights Rayearth) were created by CLAMP; Rei and Asuka are owned by Gainax; Teruzi (Telzey Amberdon) created by James H. Schmitz; Menori (Menolly) created by Anne McCaffrey. Radical Edward is from "Cowboy Bebop". Alielle from El Hazard; Kei and Yuri are from "Dirty Pair"; Momoko, Yuri, and Hinagiku are from "Wedding Peach".