*    *    *


                        Ranma Ichibunnoni
                         Episode Sixteen


                           *    *    *

     "Ranma?"
     "Ranma, aren't you hungry?"
     Ranma looked up.  "Huh?  Oh, sorry, Kasumi.  I wasn't
listening.  What did you ask?"
     Kasumi smiled.  "Aren't you hungry?  You haven't touched your
dinner."  
     Genma leaned over and stole a fish cake from Ranma's bowl.  He
raised a sign behind Ranma's back.  'All the more for me,' it said. 
Ranma didn't seem to notice.  
     Ranma sighed.  "Uh...actually, I ate before dinner.  Um, I'm
not very hungry.  I think I'll just go and...do my homework."  
     He stood up and left.  Nabiki raised an eyebrow.  Before she
could say anything, Akane stood up and left.  Nabiki's other
eyebrow went up.  "I thought those two didn't like each other," she
said to herself.  She quickly stole a glance at the other people at
the table to see if they had overheard.  Genma was too busy eating,
Soun was too busy crying, and Kasumi was too busy smiling.  Ukyou
was in the kitchen, and Ranko was, of course, absent.  Nabiki
shrugged and went back to dinner.  No sense wasting good food.

                           *    *    *

     Akane slipped upstairs and peeked into Ranma's room.  He was
lying on his futon and staring at a photograph in his hands. 
Homework, my foot, thought Akane.  She sighed.  Regardless of how
she felt, Ranma hadn't asked for her help, so she couldn't do
anything for him--or could she?  
     Akane smiled and walked back downstairs with a purpose.  

                           *    *    *

     Ukyou burst into the room.  Ranma had half a second to react
before she sat down next to him.  "Hiya, Ranchan!" she exclaimed,
dropping three textbooks in front of him.  
     "Uh, what--?" he asked her.
     She smiled.  "I'm going to help you with your homework!" she
explained.  
     Ranma sighed.  "I don't *need* any help with my homework," he
said.  
     Ukyou blinked.  "I was just trying to be friendly."  
     Ranma turned red.  "Get...out!!" he yelled at her. 
     Ukyou blinked, then stood up shakily.  Then she shook her head
and sat back down again.  "No, I won't," she said calmly.  "I'm not
a pet, Ranma.  I'm your fiancee, and I have as much right to be
here as you do."
     Ranma balled his hand into a fist.  "You took Ranko away from
me!!"
     Ukyou blinked.  "What are you talking about, Ranchan?  I
didn't make her leave."  Ranma glared at her menacingly.  Ukyou
jutted out her chin in defiance.  "Don't blame *me* for her
actions, Ranma.  She made her own choices, just as I've made mine." 
     Ranma turned away from her.  Ukyou sighed and put a hand on
his shoulder.  "Ranma," she said softly.  "I'm sorry she left, too. 
I understand how you must feel.  But don't worry about her so much. 
It's only a phase.  She'll be back, just you wait.  It hasn't even
been a day!  How do you know she just hasn't gone on a training
mission?"
     Ranma glared at her.  "Alone?  With all her supplies?  Right
after you broke her heart?"
     Ukyou smiled at him.  "That's not you saying that, Ranchan. 
It's the hate.  You have to learn how to deal with it."
     Ranma raised his fist.  "I'll show *you* how to--what's that?"
he asked, suddenly turning white.  
     Ukyou peered closer.  "Hmm," she said.  "It looks like some
kind of photograph.  I don't think you should be holding it that
tightly, Ranchan..."
     Half a second later Ukyou was out in the hallway as Ranma
slammed the door in her face.  Ranma spent the next half hour
trying to repair the damage he'd done to the photo.

                           *    *    *

     Genma walked into the room, rubbing his stomach.  "Ah, there's
nothing like a nice, hot bath to ease digestion, is there, m'boy?"
he asked.  
     Ranma jumped, a hard thing to do while lying down.  He quickly
hid the photo back inside his sleeve and looked nervously up at his
father.  "Um...sure," he agreed weakly.  He went back to his
studies, which happened to be algebra at the moment.  He looked at
the meaningless symbols for only a moment before giving up entirely
and making meaningless doodles in his work book.  
     "You know, boy, I think what we need to do to liven things up
here is hold a wedding," commented Genma lazily.
     "Sure, Pop," agreed Ranma, not really paying attention.  
     Genma grinned, without changing his idle posture.  The fish
had been hooked.  "Specifically, we should marry you and Akane. 
Say, in a week."
     "Sure, Pop," agreed Ranma.  
     Genma shook his head.  "Now listen to me, Ranma!  You can't
keep--what did you say?"  
     "Sure, Pop," agreed Ranma.  
     A slow smile started spreading across Genma's face.  He rubbed
his hands together briskly and started chuckling.  "Now remember,
you promised, boy!"  
     Ranma looked up.  "What?"  
     The door opened and Akane walked in, carrying a large platter. 
Genma looked up.  "Ah, Akane.  Bringing food for your father-in-
law.  So kind.  So very kind.  You'll make a good wife.  Speaking
of which--"
     Akane glared at him.  "This *isn't* for you, Mr. Saotome!  I
made it myself!"
     Genma turned pale.  "You--*you* made it?"  He shook his head. 
"On the other hand, maybe I was being too hasty."
     Akane ignored him and kneeled down beside Ranma.  "Here,
Ranma.  Would you like a snack while you study?  I made you some
sandwiches, and some cookies..."
     Ranma absently reached out a hand and took a cookie.  "Thanks,
Akane," he mumbled.  
     Genma stared in horror.  "The boy's doomed," he said under his
breath.  "Oh well.  Better him than me."  Wisely deciding
discretion was the better part of valour, and having some good news
to impart to Soun, he slipped out of the room.  
     Akane smiled as the door closed behind him.  Then she turned
back to Ranma, who was biting into the cookie.  "Okay, Ranma. 
Enough is enough.  We both know you haven't been eating, period. 
Now you're going to sit here and eat this until I--what's the
matter?"  
     Ranma was turning green.  "Gack," he commented.  "Erk," he
further elucidated.  "YUCK!" he finally got out.  "Who made these!? 
I hate them!  Eck," he said, trying to spit the taste out of his
mouth.
     Akane put her hands on her hips.  "I did!  And the least you
could say is 'thanks'!"  
     Ranma looked up at her with fear on his face.  "YOU made them? 
Why didn't you warn me!"  
     Akane turned red.  "I DI--"  Suddenly, she stopped, her mouth
open.  Ranma was showing EMOTION!  
     Ranma peered at her.  "Uh, Akane?  You didn't eat any of these
*yourself*, did you?  Are you sick or something?"  
     Akane beamed at him.  "Nope, I made them all for you!  Do you
*really* hate them, Ranma?"  
     Ranma scratched his head.  She had said that so...so...
CHEERFULLY.  "Uh...yeah," he said doubtfully.  "They're the most disgusting
things I've ever tasted."  
     Akane smiled.  "But how do you *really* feel about them?" 
     Ranma was taken aback.  "Gee, I dunno.  They're just COOKIES,
Akane.  I mean, I don't think I have time to develop a relationship
with them or nothing."  
     A frown crossed Akane's face, but she waved it away, smiling
her best instead.  "But you hate them?  You really, truly hate
them?"  
     Ranma wavered.  "Well...uh..."  He wished Ranko was here. 
This didn't make any sense to him and besides, he always felt
better about making a decision when she was here.  Especially when
the decision involved Akane.  "I...guess so...why?"
     Akane laughed and hugged him in joy.  "That's wonderful,
Ranma!"  
     Ranma tried disentangling himself from her.  "Uh...Akane," he
said, "are you feeling okay?"  
     Akane suddenly lost her smile.  "Of course I am, Ranma."  She
loomed closer into his face.  "What *I'm* worried about is YOU."
     Ranma jumped backwards in surprise.  "Yaagh!"  Akane blinked. 
"I, uh, mean, oh.  Why?" he asked her weakly.
     Akane frowned.  "Why?  Why?  Ranma, you've been moping around
the house the entire day.  You haven't beaten up your father once,
you haven't insulted me, you haven't eaten--you're not acting
normal."  
     Ranma grinned weakly.  "Oh." 
     Akane shook her head.  "Ranma...I know Ranko running away hurt
you very much.  But can we talk?"  
     Ranma looked at her and sighed.  "I'd rather not," he
admitted.  
     Akane nodded.  "Okay."  
     Ranma stared.  "Okay?"
     Akane nodded again.  "I want to help you.  If you need to be
left alone, that's fine with me.  But if you need somebody to talk
to, I'd like you to consider me as a friend...someone you can
trust."  
     Ranma looked at her.  Then he looked down at the floor.  "Uh,
Akane, I should be getting ready for bed, now."  
     Akane stiffened.  Then she nodded, and stood up.  "Okay. 
Fine.  But I--wait a second."  Her voice turned incredulous. 
"Ranma, it's only seven o'clock!"  
     Ranma looked sheepish.  "Ah, I'm tired," he said.  
     Akane's voice turned warm.  "Oh...that's right," she said. 
"You didn't get much sleep, did you?  Nightmares all night long." 
She paused.  "Ranma...I've been meaning to ask you.  Have you
ever..." she blushed.  "Have you ever slept *apart* from your
sister?  Before last night, I mean?"  
     Ranma flushed an angry red.  "What bus--"  He looked down at
the floor.  "No," he said simply.  
     Akane smiled sadly.  "Why don't you come and sleep in my room
again?" she offered.  "I was going to bed soon, anyway."
     Ranma looked at her suspiciously.  "But it's only seven,
remember?"  
     Akane suppressed a grin.  "I'm tired too.  You're not the only
one who didn't get much sleep thanks to your nightmares, you know."
     Ranma looked up at her.  "Su-sure," he mumbled.  "I'd like
that."  Akane smiled and opened the door.  Ranma got up and left. 
Neither noticed a small, folded-up photograph slip from his sleeve
and lazily glide out of the window.
     Outside, a foot stepped on it absently as a figure made its
way into the dojo.

                           *    *    *

     Kasumi smiled at Ukyou.  "Well, you're certainly good with the
dishes," she commented.  
     "Thank you, ma'am," replied Ukyou. 
     Kasumi smiled.  "Oh, don't call me ma'am.  Kasumi is fine. 
You know, you're certainly a polite young lady."
     Ukyou dimpled.  "Thanks, ma--uh, Kasumi."  
     Kasumi smiled at her again.  "Now, if we can just do something
about those clothes of yours..."
     Ukyou frowned.  "What's wrong with the clothes I'm wearing?" 
She was still wearing the clothes she'd been in when she had
arrived.  
     Kasumi frowned slightly.  "Well, they're not very feminine,"
she suggested.  "And you could certainly do with a change of
clothes, if nothing else."  She brightened.  "Why don't we go
shopping tomorrow?"
     Ukyou blinked in surprise, then smiled broadly.  "Sure," she
agreed.  
     "I'm going to bed now," said Kasumi.  "You're welcome to spend
the night in my room again if you want."
     Ukyou smiled back at her.  "I'd like that, Kasumi.  I'll just
have a bath and freshen up first."  She whistled merrily as she
hung up her apron and turned off the lights.  It was a quiet night. 
According to Nabiki, Mr. Saotome and Mr. Tendo had gone off to
celebrate for some reason and Ranma and Akane had gone to bed
early.  Nabiki had, of course, left out the fact that the two teens
had gone to bed TOGETHER.  Although she kept that information 
handy in case she had to blackmail either.  Thus, Ukyou was in 
good spirits as she made her way downstairs.  
     She walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. 
She then turned around and screamed for the half second before
Ranko, jumping down from her perch on the ceiling, placed a hand
over her mouth and shut her up.  
     "Quiet!" hissed Ranko.  Ukyou went for her spatula.  Ranko
shoved her into the wall, hard.  "I said, shut up!"  Ranko looked
down at her captive.  "If I let go, will you promise not to
scream?"  Ukyou glared sheer hatred, but nodded.  Ranko took away
her hand.  
     Ukyou took a deep breath.  "YAAAAAAHHHHH--!!!" she yelled,
before being hit over the head with her own spatula.  
     "Hey!" complained Ranko.  "Oh well.  I should have expected
*you* to break your promise, after all."  
     Ukyou grabbed her spatula back from Ranko.  "That wasn't a
scream, it was a yell," she explained.  
     Ranko sneered.  "Semantics."  
     Ukyou got into a defensive stance.  "So what do you want? 
Revenge?  Blood?"  
     Ranko sighed.  "How about, to talk?"  
     Ukyou shook her head.  "Nuh-uh," she said angrily.  "If you
wanted to talk, you wouldn't have ambushed me in the bathroom." 
     Ranko sighed again.  "Look, I'm sorry about that," she said
regretfully, "but I wanted to make sure I could get to you alone,
without anybody else interfering."  
     Ukyou raised an eyebrow.  "Oh, and why would that be?  No
witnesses?"  
     Ranko reacted as if slapped.  "I already apologized for that! 
Geez!"  She shook her head.  "Look, let's start over," she tried. 
"I think I deserve an explanation."  
     Ukyou hesitated.  Then she bowed.  "You're right.  I am very
sorry," she said formally.  
     Ranko scowled.  "I said an explanation, not an apology!  You
think apologies make it any better?"  
     Ukyou rubbed her head and stood up straight.  "Well..."
     "They don't!"  Ranko glared at her with red-rimmed eyes.
     Ukyou shrugged.  "Okay, okay.  Whatever.  So why did you come
back?"
     Ranko sat down.  "Someone told me to."
     Ukyou raised her eyebrows.  "Someone?"
     Ranko swallowed.  "A f-fr..."  She hesitated.  "Nobody
important.  But he gives good advice."
     Ukyou smiled wryly.  "Okay, I can accept that, I think."  Her
gaze hardened.  "So talk, already."
     Ranko's voice turned sour.  "I want you to know that you're a
hypocrite and a liar, and I hate you."
     Ukyou blinked.  "What?" she asked, taken aback.
     Ranko's eyes narrowed.  "You never loved me.  You lied to my
face, all those times."  
     Ukyou snarled at her.  "I could say the same to you."  
     Ranko snarled back.  "I'M not going after your brother!"
     Ukyou blinked.  "I don't *have* a brother."  Ranko resisted
the urge to hit her.  But not very hard.  "Oh!" said Ukyou, finally 
realizing what Ranko had meant.  "That's not fair!"  Then she sighed.  
"No, you're right.  Well...in a way.  Not entirely.  It's more like I can 
see where you're coming from.  Although I'm not sure I agree with 
you."
     Ranko folded her arms.  "So enlighten me already," she
challenged.  "I think I deserve *that* much, ne?"  
     Ukyou sighed.  "I'm never gonna get to have my bath, am I?"  
     Ranko growled, "Quit complaining!"  
     Ukyou smiled.  "Okay, okay.  Well...hm.  You want to know why
I'm in love with Ranma?"
     Ranko nodded her head.  "Well, that would be a good place to
start," she said dryly.
     Ukyou nodded thoughtfully.  "Well," she started, "I was
observing you for a while before I made my appearance."
     "You mean spying," corrected Ranko.
     "No, I mean observing," replied Ukyou.
     "Semantics," complained Ranko.
     Ukyou snorted.  "WHATEVER I was doing, I was somewhat
confused.  There were, after all, *two* identical Ranchans.  I had
to figure out which was which.  Which was rather difficult to do,
might I add."
     "That was the point," replied Ranko, leaning against the wall.
     Ukyou sighed.  "Well...as I was saying, *both* Ranchans were
identical.  Both were strong, and noble, and handsome--"
     "Hey," said Ranko quickly, "Waitaminit!"
     Ukyou smiled wryly.  "You both *seemed* to be, anyway.  Now, 
look at it from my point of view."  She went misty-eyed for a moment.  
"I never knew how you would grow up, Ranko," she said.  "I had 
hopes--but I didn't know.  We were so far apart, for so long.  I had to
make up details."  
     Ranko nodded impatiently.  "Yeah, yeah."
     Ukyou sighed.  "When I came here, I thought that I'd finally
found my man...and I had.  I didn't know I was engaged to a girl. 
I thought I was engaged to your brother, and for me, the dream had
come true."
     She leaned her head against the wall.  "Remember the dream,
Ranko?  In some ways, the dream is more important than the reality. 
I was prepared for a man below my expectations.  Instead, I got one
who exceeded them."  
     Ranko shook her head.  "Except you didn't," she pointed out.
     Ukyou flashed her an irritated look.  "No, I didn't," she
agreed.  "But I *could* have.  It's not too far a stretch of the
imagination to say I was engaged to Ranma.  And if that had
happened, everything would have been fine!  I would have been
happy!  And, oh Ranko, can't you see?  I can be happy now, too!"
     Ranko frowned.  "I'm not sure if--"
     Ukyou hurried on.  "Does it really make a difference, Ranko? 
Which twin I fall in love with?"
     Ranko put her foot down.  "How can you ask that?" she
demanded.  "Of *course* it does!"
     Ukyou sighed.  "I was hoping *you* wouldn't say that," she
said quietly.  "I was hoping you'd understand."  
     Ranko nearly tore her hair.  "Understand WHAT, Ucchan?"  
     Ukyou winced.  "You keep calling me that."  
     Ranko sighed.  "Force of habit."  
     Ukyou smiled nastily.  "Sure...Ranchan."  Ranko winced. 
"Well...imagine that you were me, and you found Ranma...or someone
like him.  He was everything you ever wanted, everything you had
dreamed of.  Except that you were the one I'd been engaged to."  
     Ranko took a step back.  "Hey, wait--"
     Ukyou shrugged.  "Look.  Ranko...don't you see?  Ranma *could*
have been my Ranchan.  He wasn't.  But he *could* have been.  If
you hadn't been there, it would have been him."  
     She sighed.  "But you were there, and he wasn't.  We can't
change the past, Ranko.  But we *can* change the future.  There's
just one problem."  She smiled bitterly.  "I'm sorry there's nobody
for you.  I really, truly am!  But *he's* there for me.  It
wouldn't take much to recreate what *we* thought we had, Ranko. 
But with him, instead."  
     She looked at Ranko with sympathy in her eyes.  Ranko drew
away, not wanting to see pity there, not wanting to see anything in
those eyes at all.  "I know you're hurting--but I can't do anything
about it!" exclaimed Ukyou.  "I wish I could!  I truly do.  I don't
want to hurt you any more than I already have.  But I can help
MYSELF...I can turn my dream into reality.  Why suffer heartache
and misery when I don't have to?  I can get what I've been longing
for, been searching for so long."
     She turned away from Ranko, tears trickling down her cheeks. 
"Please say you understand..."
     Ranko stared at her for a long moment.  Finally, she sighed. 
"I don't know...no, I guess I do know.  What you're saying makes
sense, in a twisted sort of way.  I guess...if I was in your shoes,
I'd do the same thing.  But that doesn't mean I have to like it,"
she finished in a quiet tone.  
     She sighed again.  "I...I think I have to think about it some
more, Ukyou.  But I suppose you're right.  I *can* see your point
of view, damn it.  Love doesn't need to be rational or logical, or
kind or gentle, or give a damn about you--or what kind of
inconvenience it causes you.  And I agree with you...why hurt
someone when you don't have to?  Why give up love when you find it? 
Love is special.  Sometimes the dream *is* more important than the
reality.  A heart is the...most...precious..."
     Ranko broke off, horrified.  "Ryoga," she whispered.  "What
have I done?"  
     Ukyou turned back to her.  "Then will you give your blessing
to Ranma and me?"  She blinked.  She was speaking to an empty room.

                           *    *    *

     Nighttime, close to dawn.  Ryoga stared up at the stars above
him, unseeing though his eyes were open.  He refused to close his
eyes.  Whenever he did, he saw the same scene replayed again and
again in his mind.  He, kissing her.  She, crying out.  He, hurting
her.  She, leaving him.  How could he have hurt her?  Dammit, how
could he have ever hurt the one he loved so much?  
     He would die for her.  He would give up his life so that she
could be happy.  And it didn't make a speck of difference, did it? 
He had still hurt her.  He had still made her cry, had still forced
her away from him.  He hated who he had become.  
     The grass nearby rustled.  He ignored it, too heartbroken to
care.  "Ryoga?"  A pitiful, tiny voice came out of the darkness. 
Her voice.  He cringed inside, seeing her hurt by him again and
again in his own mind, spectres of her crying out against his
betrayal through infinity. 
     "Ryoga?"  Now the voice was louder, more confused.  He felt
the pain over again.  
     "Ryoga, you baka!"  <WHAM>  Now he *really* felt the pain.  He
sat up, gasping.  She was real, and in front of him.  And looking
rather irritated.  "What does it take to get your attention!  I
mean, you were just lying there like you were dead or something!" 
     He stared.  "But..."  His voice cracked, choked by tears.  
     Ranko's eyes softened.  "Oh, Ryoga."  She placed her hand
lightly on his shoulder.  "Can you ever forgive me?"
     Ryoga shook his head, the weight of depression crushing him. 
"There's nothing to forgive.  What I did was inexcusable."
     Ranko snorted.  "What did you do that was so horrible?"
     Ryoga paused.  He had been thinking about that.  "I'm not
sure," he admitted.  "But anything that hurts you is bad."
     Ranko sighed softly.  "You really *do* love me, don't you?" 
     Ryoga blushed in the darkness.  "Y-yes," he admitted.  
     Ranko smiled.  "That *is* sweet, Ryoga.  But couldn't you
have, well, *said* something maybe?"
     Ryoga blinked.  "Said something?"  
     Ranko brushed her hair back.  "I guess that really wouldn't be
your style, would it," she said dryly.  "Well...it was my fault, in
a way.  I should have listened to others...and I should have
listened more to you."  
     Ranko studied him in the darkness.  "You've been crying." 
Ryoga shrugged.  She sighed, unhappily.  "I..."  She stopped, and
changed her mind.  "Ryoga, you're one of the sweetest, nicest, most
generous people I know.  Even if you have *no* sense of direction. 
Did you know that we walked in circles the entire day?  We're still
in Nerima, you baka!!"  
     Ranko laughed lightly.  "But that was my fault.  I should
never have let you lead the way."  She sighed.  "Ryoga...what I'm
trying to say is that...well...you are a good person.  A wonderful
person.  You could make a girl *very* happy."
     Ryoga felt his heart lighten.  "Do you really think so?"
     Ranko smiled sadly.  "Yes.  But, well...I...look.  You deserve
better than me."
     Ryoga took her hands.  "Oh, no.  There's no one else in the
world for me but you, Ranko-chan."
     Ranko blushed.  "Ah...that's very flattering, Ryoga-kun.  It's
also what I was afraid you'd say."
     Ryoga looked at her, confused and hurt.  Ranko saw and pulled
back, feeling guilty.  "Ryoga-kun...you deserve all my love.  I
only wish I could give it to you.  Which is why...I'm going to..." 
Her voice cracked.  "...To..."  She smiled at him sadly.  "Oh,
you'll see."  
     She took out a small object and clutched it near her heart. 
"Sayonara, Ryoga-kun," she said sadly.  "I hope you'll be happy." 
     Ryoga's eyes widened in shock.  He lunged for her.  "NOOO!" he
screamed, trying to knock it away from her.  He was too late.  He
grabbed her in his arms.

                           *    *    *

     "Wow," said Ranko.  "You really know how to show your feelings
for a girl."  
     Ryoga blinked.  "Huh?" he asked, wittily.  
     Ranko winced.  "Um...Ryoga?  Much as I like the attention...
you're crushing me."  
     Ryoga blinked again, and quickly got off her.  "But..."  He
shook his head.  "Weren't you trying to kill yourself?"  
     Ranko regarded him with wide eyes for a moment.  Then she
raised the object up to the moonlight.  It was a thermos.  "With
THIS?  Don't be silly!"  She started laughing.  "You really thought
I would kill myself?"  
     Ryoga blushed.  "Uh...well..."  
     Ranko laughed even harder.  "Oh, you big silly!"  She squeezed
his arm.  "I'd never do something like THAT!"  
     Ryoga frowned.  "But...but you SAID..."
     Ranko paused.  "Oh.  That's right.  Gee, I guess that *must*
have sounded pretty bad."
     Ryoga brightened.  "You mean you're not going away?"
     Ranko laughed merrily.  "Of *course* not."  She gazed into his
eyes.  "Why would I leave, now that I've found YOU?"
     Ryoga felt his heart skip a beat.  "Wh-what?"  
     Ranko leaned in closer.  "I'm ever so sorry for what I did,
Ryoga-kun."  
     Ryoga stared, like a mouse caught by a serpent's gaze.  "R-
really?" 
     Ranko leaned in even closer.  "Ever so...sorry," she breathed,
closing her eyes.  "Let me make it up to you..."
     Ryoga blinked.  Her lips seemed so full and inviting, so
close, her face shining in the moonlight, just inches away...but
wait.  He'd made this mistake once.  He would never do it again. 
He steeled himself, and resisted.  It wasn't easy; in fact, it was
one of the hardest things he'd ever done.
     Ranko opened her eyes.  "Ryoga-kun," she said petulantly,
"don't you like me?"  
     Ryoga was visibly sweating.  "Uh...Ranko...ch-chan..."  He
gulped.  "I, uh...I don't want to hurt you."  
     Ranko blinked, then pulled back, hugging her knees and gazing
at him with a thoughtful expression.  "Oh, I see!" she giggled. 
"You still think I'm mad at you, is that it?"  
     Ryoga hesitated.  "Well...no...not exactly...but..."
     Ranko laughed.  "I'm not, don't you worry!"  
     Ryoga hesitated again.  "Oh.  That's good.  But..."  He cursed
himself.  "I'm sorry, but I have to ask you this.  Why are you
doing this?"  
     Ranko blinked, a hurt expression on her face.  "Ryoga?"  She
started to cry.  "How can you ask that?  I *love* you, baka! 
You've been there for me, all along, and I missed it for so long...
I thought you loved me, too!!  I thought--"
     Ryoga rocked back, shocked.  But he quickly bounced back and
put a finger on her lips.  She shut up, surprised.  "Hush," he
said.  "Please don't cry.  I *do* love you.  With all my heart." 
He marvelled at the courage love had given him.  A day ago, he
could never have done what he had just done, or said what he had
just said.
     Ranko brightened immediately.  "Oh, Ryoga!" she squealed,
hugging him fiercely.  He could only weep in joy.

                           *    *    *

     Outside the dojo, it was dawn.  Normally the dawn was a time
of new beginnings, auspicious luck and hope.  Today, it was just a
new day.  
     Mr. Tendo walked downstairs, brushing his teeth.  "Oh, hello
Master," he said.  
     "Why, hello, Soun old boy!" said the diminutive man at his
feet.  "You're looking well for your age!"
     Kasumi smiled.  "Father, do you know him?"
     Soun looked at her.  "Of course, Kasumi.  This is master 
Happosai.  Master, this is my daughter, Kas--HAPPOSAI?!?"  
He spat out his toothbrush.  
     Happosai laughed.  "Bwahahaha!  It's good to see you haven't
forgotten me!"
     A panda walked in, yawning.  'What's all the noise?' said a
sign that it carried.  
     "Ah, Genma!" cried the old man.  "You haven't changed a bit,
I see!"  
     The panda stared in horror.  Then it turned and ran.  Soun
stood in his path.  "Going...somewhere...old friend?" he asked in
a menacing voice.  
     Happosai laughed.  "Bwahahaha!  You two are still going at it,
eh?"  
     Ranma walked downstairs, followed quickly by Ukyou and Akane. 
Nabiki lazily walked down after them.  "Yo, Pop," said Ranma
tiredly.  "What's going on?"  He spotted Happosai.  "Who's the
crazy old geezer?"  
     Genma hit his son on the head with a sign.  'That's "MASTER"
crazy old geezer to you', the sign said.  
     Happosai looked at Ranma.  "Well, well," he said.  "You must
be Ranma!  Genma's boy!"  
     Ranma stared at him.  He wasn't in a particularly good mood. 
He'd gotten even less sleep than last night, and then to boot he'd
realized he'd lost the photograph his sister had left him.  The
only piece of her he still had--and he'd lost it.  "Yeah.  Do I
know you?"  
     The old man turned to Nabiki.  "And you--you're Nabiki, am I
right?"  Nabiki nodded.  He turned to Ukyou.  "And *you* must be
Akane!  Oh, sweeto!"  He lunged at her bosom.  
     Ukyou gave a screech of horror and batted the dirty old man
away with her spatula.  He bounced off easily and glomped onto
Akane instead.  "EEK!" she screamed, pounding him into the floor. 
     Ranma shrugged, not really caring what happened to the
spatula-wielding girl.  "Actually, the tomboy turning you into
hamburger is Akane.  The *cute* one is Ukyou."
     Akane glared at him, while Ukyou hugged him.  "Do you really
think so, Ranchan?"  Ranma was never able to answer this question,
as his face was shoved into the floor painfully by Akane.  
     Throughout this, Happosai just laughed.  Behind him, Soun and
Genma were sneaking up on him.  Finally, they leapt on him.  In
less than a second, Happosai had smashed them both to the ground
and was sitting on top of them.  "Don't worry," he said soberly. 
"I didn't come back for revenge."
     Soun looked up.  "Oh so?" he asked.  
     Happosai shook his head.  "Nope!" he said.  "World domination
is a much better goal, don't you think?"
     Everybody facefaulted.  

                           *    *    *

     The two families gathered around the dinner table as Kasumi
passed out mugs of steaming tea.  Ranma accepted his with his usual
grace and manners, which is to say, none at all.  He looked up at
his father, who was trying to hide as much as a panda in an empty
room can do.
     "Yo, Pop," asked Ranma.  "Who *is* this guy anyway?"
     Genma sweated nervously.  Ranma angrily splashed him with hot
water.  Genma looked up at him.  "Ahhh," he commented.  "This is
master Happosai, Ranma.  Master, this is my son, Ranma."
     "MASTER Happosai?" inquired Akane.
     Soun sweated.  "Ah, yes.  Our old master...a long story."
     Ranma raised an eyebrow.  "Do tell."
     Genma cleared his throat.  "Yes.  The old man is the founding
master of the school of Anything-Goes martial arts."
     Soun turned to Genma.  "Even so, Saotome...world domination is
a bit beyond his abilities, don't you think?"
     Nabiki smiled.  "You'd be surprised how easy it is when you
know how."  She turned to the old freak.  "Still, that brings up a
good point.  If he's serious, how do we deal with him?  And if he
can do it, should we side with him?"
     Akane fumed.  "Nabiki!"  
     Happosai laughed.  "Bwahahaha!  Aren't you curious how I got
here so fast?  How I managed to track you down?"
     Genma nodded.  "Actually, yes.  Knowing how will help for when
we run away again."
     Happosai grinned and pulled out a small brass lamp.  "You see
this little beauty?"  
     Ranma yawned.  "So?"
     Happosai started rubbing it lovingly.  "This is the lamp of
al-Pansuto!  Legends say a genie lives inside!"
     Genma stared.  "A genie?"
     Ukyou frowned.  "Al-Pansuto?" she asked.  "Doesn't that mean-"
     Akane brightened.  "Like in the stories?"
     Nabiki leaned forward.  "That can grant wishes?"
     Ranma reached out and grabbed it from the old man.  "Cool. 
Let's see...how does this stupid thing work?"  He started rubbing
it.
     Happosai twirled his pipe and sent Ranma flying through the
roof, incidentally landing the lamp back in his lap.  "Bwahahaha!"
he laughed.  "It's no use!  The genie of the lamp requests payment
before he grants wishes!"  Ranma fell back down again with a thud. 
Ukyou ran to his side.
     Nabiki suddenly perked up.  "Payment?" 
     Akane shuddered.  "PLEASE tell me this thing isn't from La
Blue Girl."
     Ukyou looked up.  "Akane, please.  That's only an anime.  Get
real, will you?  I'm sure it just requires sake or something. 
Right, master Happosai?"
     Happosai shook his head, his eyes sparkling.  "Not at all! 
This lamp is a possessed by a genie of rare good taste, and as such
it demands but one thing..."  Everybody leaned forward. 
"PANTIES!!"  Everybody facefaulted.
     Soun looked up.  "Only *you* could come up with such a silly
artifact, master."  
     Happosai turned wrathful.  "Silly?  Feh!  You doubt my
powers?"  
     Ranma got back up, a little shakily.  "Old freak!  I'll do
more than 'doubt' you, ya creep!  I'll beat you senseless!!"  He
launched forward with a flying kick.  Genma and Soun took that
opportunity to leap forward.  They hit each other in midair and
fell down onto the ground.  Happosai easily dodged Ranma's attack.
     "So that's the way you want to play, huh?" he demanded.  "Very
well.  GENIE!  I wish for everybody here to be powerless to hurt
me!"  
     The lamp seemed to glow, brighter and brighter, humming an
almost inaudible note in their heads.  Everybody stared as the
lamp's aura grew and grew, slowly yet surely.  Suddenly there was
a blinding flash of light, and then all was normal again.  
     "Strange," said the old man.  "It didn't take that long last
time."  
     Akane gasped.  "Oh!  It must only grant three wishes!"
     Ranma looked at her.  "Three?  Why three?"  
     Akane looked back at him.  "Because that's the number in all
the stories, of course!"  
     Ranma put a hand on his head.  "Oh, and everybody knows that
fairy tales are never wrong, is that it?"
     Ukyou looked at him.  "Two words, Ranma.  Cursed...springs."
     Ranma put his chin out.  "Yeah, well, I still say this thing
is a load of bunk.  Besides, who are you to talk?"
     Genma grabbed his son's shirt collar.  "Ranma!" he shouted. 
"This is no time to quarrel amongst ourselves!  We must band
together and beat the master!"
     Ranma nodded.  "You know, for once you're right, old man."  He
cracked his knuckles and turned to regard the ancient midget with
the elder gadget.  Simultaneously, Genma, Soun, Ukyou and Akane did
the same thing.  They all leapt at once.
     Though nobody was ever able to accurately describe what
happened next, they were all sure of *one* thing.  None of them
even came close to hitting Happosai.  Instead, they twisted and
spun in midair, crashing into each other, as they stumbled and
tumbled in a crazy sort of acrobatics that seemed to defy the laws
of physics (1), flailing back out to where they started.  In their
centre, an untouched Happosai casually smoked his pipe.
     Nabiki sighed.  "If you'd been paying more attention," she
mentioned casually, "you'd remember that he wished you'd be
powerless to hurt him."
     Happosai took the pipe out of his mouth.  "Bwahaha!" he
laughed.  "That's right!  So why don't you just give up?"  
     "Never!" cried Ranma.  Akane nodded furiously.  Ukyou glanced
at Ranma, then nodded somewhat less enthusiastically.  
     Happosai shook his head.  "Have to learn the hard way, do
you?"  He smiled.  "Very well.  I won't even dodge.  Come on, take
your best shot."  
     Ranma charged forward and punched.  This time, he was aware of
what happened in minute detail.  His leading right foot somehow
tugged at him, and he slipped forward, falling flat on his back
just inches away from his target.  The landing knocked the wind out
of him, and he started to see stars.  
     "Bwahaha!" chortled the old man.  "This is FUN!"
     "I'll...make you...eat those words...you old freak," managed
Ranma, rising from the floor.  
     "Wait!" cried Ukyou.  He looked at her.  "Ranchan, we don't
know how the wish works, but it looks like the more you try to hurt
him, the more you get hurt!  If you try again, you could be
really injured--or worse!"  
     Ranma shook his head.  "That doesn't matter.  Pop always
taught me that a true martial artist never backs down, no matter
what.  Right, Pop?"  He turned to look at his father.  
     "Forgive us, master!!" was what Genma said in response.  He
and Soun were on their hands and knees in front of the old pervert,
begging.  "Please forgive us!!"  
     Ranma shook his head, disgusted.  "What a hypocrite," he said. 
"Well--I guess it's just you and me, old creep!"  
     Happosai grinned.  "Ranma, m'boy!  You show spirit!"  He
puffed on his pipe absently.  "Too bad it's sadly misplaced."  
     Ranma yelled and charged forward.  Without even getting close
to his target, he did a cartwheel and smashed into the wall.  He
slid back down, groaning.  Happosai fell over backwards laughing.
     Ukyou ran to her fiance and rolled him over.  "Don't," she
begged him.  "Please don't hurt yourself this way!"
     "Get away from me," growled Ranm.  
     Ukyou winced.  "But there's no way to stop him!"  
     "Not quite," said Nabiki.


(1)  Even Ranma Physics (tm).

                           *    *    *

     All eyes turned to the middle Tendo daughter.  She smiled. 
"He only wished we couldn't hurt him.  Emphasis on 'we'.  I'll bet 
we can still hurt him indirectly."
     "Huh?" asked Akane.
     "Of course!" yelled Genma, suddenly jumping to his feet. 
"We'll call the police!"
     Ranma smashed his father on the head.  "You think they'd
believe us, old man?"  
     Nabiki shook her head.  "Not to mention the fact that Happosai
would probably just use his last wish up getting rid of them.  No,
I meant you can use things to hurt him, so long as you don't do it
directly.  You couldn't kick him or hit him with a bat, but you
could probably take a chair from underneath him.  That wouldn't hurt
him, but falling on the floor probably would."
     Soun's eyes lit up.  "Nabiki!" he cried.  "What a smart young
girl!  What a wonderful young girl!"
     Nabiki smiled.  "I'm glad you agree," she said, "because my
bill is 500,000 yen."  
     Soun started crying.  Ranma shook his head.  "So," he said
with understanding, "we can't hurt the old freak, but we can use
the stuff around him to hurt him?  Well, well."  
     "Is that so?" asked Ukyou.  Suddenly, a dozen small yet sharp
spatulas flew at the old man.  He casually sat there as they
spontaneously spun around and zoomed back towards their thrower. 
"EEEK!" screamed Ukyou.
     Ranma grabbed her to his side, and the deadly projectiles
landed in the wall with wooden thuds.  Ukyou cut off her scream,
still short of breath, as she gazed into his face.  She blushed.
     "That was dumb, Ukyou," Ranma added as he let go of her.  She
landed on the floor with a thump and a surprised look that quickly
turned to irritation.
     "Well, I'd like to see *you* do better," Akane said acidly.  
     Ranma spun on her.  "Fine!  Just watch the master at work!"
     Ukyou grabbed Akane by the shoulder.  "Hey!  I can stand up
for myself, you know!"
     Akane's eyes widened.  "Well, excuse *me* for being friendly!"
     Nabiki just closed her eyes.  "Now is *not* the time to fight,
you guys..."  They ignored her.  Happosai just laughed.
     Ranma grabbed one of Ukyou's mini-spatulas out of the wall and
threw it.  Happosai stopped laughing when it suddenly cut cleanly
through his pipe.  
     "THERE!" yelled Ranma.  "See?"  
     Nabiki clapped slowly.  "Oh, very good, Ranma.  But do
tell...HOW is that going to stop him?"
     Ranma blinked.  "I, uh, well..."  He scratched his head.  "I
dunno."  
     Akane glared at him, exasperated.  "Oh, just GREAT, Ranma. 
All you've done is made him mad."
     It was true.  The old man was no longer content to sit still
on the floor.  He stood up, a battle aura flaring around him. 
"Raaaanma," he growled.  "You have aroused my ANGER!  Do you know
how much that cost?"  
     Nabiki held up a catalogue.  "2500 yen at Sears.  Item number
105-378-090." 
     Happosai blinked.  "That's not important!  What's important is
that you dared to strike me!"  
     "Oh yeah?" Ranma threw a bucket of water at him.  It turned
around and struck him in the head.  He fell over, stunned.  
     "Geez, Ranma," said Nabiki.  "That was pretty dumb.  Falling
for the same trick twice?"  
     "Guhhhhhh..." replied Ranma.  
     Happosai looked at him and shook his head.  "Aww," he
complained.  "He's already beaten up.  That's no fun."  
     Ranma stood up and leapt at the old man again.  "Ah, Ranma,"
Happosai laughed.  "Still haven't learned your lesson?  Well, I
always said pain was the best teacher..."  
     Surprisingly, Ranma didn't get stopped.  His fist hit its
target--which was not the old man, but the floor he was sitting on.
With a surprised look, the old master fell downstairs.  
     "That's it!" cried Genma, smashing the support beams.  Ranma
did the same.  In a few seconds, the entire ceiling came crashing
down on top of the old man, with the others in the room barely
getting out of the way in time.
     "Oh, my dojo," sobbed Soun.  "Oh, my beautiful house!"  
     Genma patted him on the back.  "Don't think of it that way,
Tendo," he said comfortingly.  "Think of it as a small price to pay
to get rid of Happosai once and for all."
     "Not quite!" yelled Happosai, smashing forth from the ruins of
the room.  "Now you've made me *really* angry!"

                     End of Episode Sixteen