*    *    *


                        Ranma Ichibunnoni
                         Episode Twelve


                           *    *    *

     Ranko stepped out onto the roof.  She wasn't terribly
surprised to see her brother already there.  
     Ranma smiled at her in welcome.  "You know, one of these days
Shampoo's gonna figure out this is where we hide all the time."  
     Ranko wrinkled her nose.  "Great.  That's all I need."  Ranma
playfully punched her.  She sat down, sighing.  
     Ranma sat down as well, confused.  "What's the matter?" he
asked her.  
     Ranko looked at him.  "What's the matter?" she asked.  "I've
got a sex-crazed Amazon girl chasing me, who's going to marry me if
I keep this up, and kill me if I don't, everybody thinks I'm you
and blames me for your mistakes, I'm going to have trouble going to
school on Monday, and this bandage *hurts*!  And you ask what's the
matter?"  
     Ranma tried to cheer her up.  "Oh, come on," he said.  "It's
not that ba--"
     Ranko started crying.  "You don't know how I feel at ALL!  It
*is* that bad!"  He blinked.  She grabbed his shoulder and cried on
it.  He sat there, unsure of himself.  Ranko didn't *do* that.  She
just didn't do that, ever.  He wondered if telling her that he was
getting uncomfortable in that position would be a good idea or not. 
     She looked up at him.  "I can't go on like this," she
admitted.  "This is just too much.  This, and everything else..." 
     "We need to get rid of Shampoo," agreed Ranma.  
     "I thought you liked her!"  Ranko said bitterly.
     "Come on, Sis..."
     "Okay...sorry."  
     Ranma stared at her.  Now he was *sure* something was very,
very wrong.  Normally she'd have teased him unmercifully,
especially since he really deserved it this time.  "That's not it,
is it?" he asked her, already knowing the answer.
     "No..." she sighed.  She smiled at him, though her cheeks were
still wet.  "I could never hide much from you, Futago-kun."  She
sighed.  "But please, let me hide this one from you a while
longer."  
     Ranma felt hurt.  She'd never said that to him before--never
even tried to keep a secret from him before.  They'd always shared
secrets, no matter how big, and kept them from others.  But she'd
never asked, either.  He nodded slowly.  
     Ranko smiled again.  "Thanks," she said, leaning against him. 
He made room for her.  She fit snugly next to him, like they were
made to be together.  Which, in many ways, they were.  "You know
what?" she said, looking at the clouds.  
     Ranma looked down at her.  "What?" he asked, unsure where this
was going.  Perhaps it was because she still looked like a boy. 
That might be confusing him.  And her.  He felt better when he
thought of that.  Sure, that was it.  
     Ranko idly drew circles on his arm with her finger.  "You're
right.  We *do* need to get rid of Shampoo."  
     Ranma nearly facefaulted.  He was right?  She'd said that? 
"Uh, yeah," he agreed.  "Um, how?"  
     Ranko sat up, pulling her knees to her chest.  "I think I know
just the plan," she said conspiratorially.  
     Ranma leaned closer.  

                           *    *    *

     Ryoga walked into the dojo.  "Hello?" he said.  "Is anybody
home?"  He wandered through the building, looking for Ranko (1).
     Eventually, he walked into Nabiki's room.  She sat up on her
bed, a bit surprised to see him.  "Ryoga?" she asked.  "What are
you doing in my room?"
     Ryoga looked up, as if surprised to see her there (2).  "Oh,
hello, Nabiki," he said.  "Do you know where Ranko is?  I can't
seem to find her anywhere."
     Nabiki smiled.  "Well, I can tell you, but it'll cost you." 
Ryoga nodded.  She raised her price in her mind.  Anybody that
eager to know would be willing to pay through the nose (3).  "1500
yen," she said.  
     Ryoga fumbled through his pockets, backpack, bandannas, and
even his wallet in a last burst of desperation.  Finally, he handed
her the required amount in assorted small change.  Nabiki started
counting it, just to be sure.  When she was finished, she looked
back up.  "Ranko is disguised as Ranma."  
     Ryoga stared at her.  "What?" he asked.  Then he shook his
head, as if to clear it.  "Why?"  
     Nabiki held out her hand.  Ryoga sighed.  "Can I owe you?"  
     Nabiki hesitated, then nodded.  "She's doing it because
Shampoo, a Chinese Amazon, wants to kill her.  She has to pretend
to be somebody else, and she looks a lot like Ranma."
     Ryoga digested this.  "Well, where is she now?"  Nabiki held
out her hand again.  Ryoga sighed again.  "Nevermind.  Thanks
anyway."  He opened the door to leave.
     "Ryoga?"
     "Yes?"  He turned back to her.
     "That's the closet."
     "Oh."  


(1)  With Ryoga, 'wander' is too simple a term to use.  Ryoga
wandering through the dojo meant that he crawled through the attic,
explored the basement, interrupted Mr. Tendo in the bath, walked
over Genma in the pool, talked to Kasumi in the kitchen, asked
directions from Mr. Yotsuya in room six (4), and finally ended up
lost in the living room with a map of Tokyo in his hands.

(2)  He was.  His map clearly showed that he was on the Imperial
Grounds.

(3)  Figuratively, we hope.

(4)  I'm serious.  By the way, that's a Maison Ikkoku reference for
those of you who didn't get it.

                           *    *    *

     Akane heard a knock at her door.  "Come in," she said.  Ranma
walked in, looking a little nervous.  Akane sat down on the bed. 
"Hi, Ranma."  
     Ranma paused, looking like a fish out of water.  "Uh," he said
wittily, "hi, Akane."  
     Akane smiled.  Well, it looked like he was back to normal from
whatever it was that was making him act that way, before.  "Why
don't you come on in?  And close the door," she added.  No sense
having Mr. Tendo walk in and start making wedding preparations.  Or
have Shampoo glomp onto him.  Or Ryoga attack him.  Or, worst of
all, have his sister come in and have the two double-team her
again.  Akane began to get angry.  
     Ranma hastily closed the door and walked in.  He looked around
and gave a start, turning white.  Akane glanced over at his line of
sight but saw only her desk.  It was a rather plain wooden desk,
with the usual things on it--pens, pencils, her goldfish bowl, and
her algebra textbook.  On second thought, she wondered if Ranma had
done his homework.  She sighed.  Their teacher wasn't going to like
that...not again, anyway.
     Ranma grinned nervously at her and looked about him.  There
wasn't any place to sit, except the bed.  He glanced at the bed
beside her.  "Uh...d'you mind?" he asked, turning red.  
     Akane blinked.  Then she realized what he meant.  She nodded. 
"Um, sure.  I mean, no, I don't.  Go ahead," she said.  It seemed
Ranma's nervousness was catching.  Ranma sat down next to her and
turned to regard her.  Akane scooted away from him as far as she
could go.  
     Ranma paused.  "Um...about before..."  
     "Don't worry about it."  Akane had already put it out of her
mind.  Well, almost.  Okay, not really.  But there was no sense
having him apologize again.  That just made her nervous.  
     "Oh, okay."  Ranma seemed relieved.  "Um, Akane.  Look.  I
know we've gotten off to a bad start..."  Akane snorted.  "...a
really bad start..."  Akane crossed her arms.  "...okay, okay.  A
horrible start.  But we sorta hafta marry each other."  
     Akane glared at him.  "I already told you, as far as I'm
concerned--"
     Ranma winced.  "The engagement never happened."  Akane nodded,
a bit irritated that he'd interrupted her.  Ranma sighed.  "This
goes beyond that, Akane.  It's a matter of honor, and of our
families' honor."
     Akane sniffed angrily.  "You can always marry Nabiki or Kasumi
if *honor* means that much to you."  
     Ranma nodded.  "Sure.  But I'd rather marry you."  
     Akane felt her heart stop for just a second.  It was like the
sun had disappeared from the sky.  It was like the earth had shook
beneath her (1).  "What?" she asked in disbelief.  
     Ranma patiently replied.  "I'd rather marry you, Akane. 
You're the one who could understand me best."  
     Akane reeled back.  "But--" she said, unsure how to react.  
     Ranma looked hurt.  "Don't say it, Akane," he asked her. 
"Look, we *do* need to talk.  I have to explain a few things."
     Akane was back on familiar territory again.  "That's right,
Ranma," she retorted hotly.  "You definitely have some explaining
to do!"  
     Ranma shook his head sadly.  "Not like that."  Akane started
turning red.  He held up his hands to ward her off and continued
hurriedly.  "I mean, I--agh.  Look, Akane.  I need to explain a bit
about who I am, sorta."  Akane calmed down a little.  He sighed in
relief.
     "Akane..."  Ranma paused, as if unsure how to continue. 
"Sometimes I find it hard to say things right.  Like when others
are watching.  And sometimes when I try to say things, they don't
turn out okay.  Like...when I tease my sister.  She understands,
but you don't.  You're kinda dumb that way, like a brick."  Akane
turned red again.  "Wait!  Wait!"  
     Ranma hurried onwards.  "Okay, that didn't work.  Um, maybe I
should go back a bit.  Look, I know you get angry at me and Ranko
a lot.  And sometimes you're right to do so.  But you have to see
it from *our* point of view!"  
     Akane nodded, annoyed.  She tapped her foot and looked at her
watch.
     Ranma stumbled onwards.  "Ranko and I...well, we have
something special.  She's the best sister I could ever have--but it
was sorta forced on us.  When we were growing up, we didn't have
much money.  A lot of the time, we hadta fend for ourselves if we
wanted to eat, so we'd work together to stay alive and fed.  We
couldn't rely on Pop for that.  Heck, he nearly sold us into child
slavery a few times!  We ended up as a team out of necessity."
     Akane didn't see the point, though Ranma was obviously
straining to say things clearly.  He continued on wearily.  "It was
also a friendship, too.  Pop was taking us on a nonstop training
journey throughout Japan.  We didn't get to stay in one place long. 
We didn't make many friends if we only stayed in a place for a few
months.  Even when we *did* stay someplace for a while, it was hard
to make friends.  We both knew martial arts, and we sorta treated
the playground like a warzone.  We used to beat up bullies--and
anybody who tried to fight us.  That sorta intimidated kids."  
     "I know, Ranma," agreed Akane.  "That sounds a lot like what
I went through.  But that doesn't excuse you from anything."
     Ranma shrugged.  "It was harder for us, Akane.  We just
weren't like other kids.  Especially Ranko.  I guess it was harder
for her that way.  But we did make a few friends--very few--like a
friend I had once, named Ucchan.  He was cool, but I only got to
see him for a few months--I never got to see him again.  And then
there was Ryoga, later on...and you know how *that* turned out.  It
got harder and harder to trust someone, knowing you'd never see
them again after a while, or that they'd betray you.  We had to
turn to each other, the only people we were sure of--besides Pop,
I guess.  But he doesn't really count.  So for sixteen years, we
only had each other as friends.  So you see why we're so close?"
asked Ranma.  
     Akane frowned.  "Well...I guess so," she said reluctantly. 
"But it's just not natural!!"  
     Ranma nodded.  "Okay.  I can see that."
     Akane stared incredulously.  "You can?"  
     Ranma nodded again.  "We're different people, and we should
have separate lives and all, right?  I think a lot of it came up
during junior high--Pop sent me to a boys school, and Ranko to a
girls school.  He figured the same as you, I guess, we should be
separate.  But that was when we were both just teens, and had to
deal with a lot of other pressures, like discovering what girls are
like.  Ahhhh, I mean--"  Ranma blushed.
     Akane giggled.  "Go on, Ranma," she laughed.
     Ranma cleared his throat.  "Uh...oh, yeah.  Ranko had to learn
how to be a girl, too, and how to act towards girls.  And being
with others who weren't like us, without the other being there for
support.  It was horrible, Akane.  You can't understand what it's
like, suddenly being cut off from someone you've been so close to
for so long.  We couldn't stand it.  After that one year, we
reacted against the separation by becoming much closer together. 
Just as we should have stopped sleeping together, bathing together,
using the same deodorant, whatever, we decided to stick with it."
     Akane looked sceptical.  "Uh-huh," she said.  
     Ranma pounced on that.  "Maybe it's not healthy, but it's what
we are."  Ranma hung his head.  "I guess we didn't have such a
great childhood, but I can't blame Pop.  He tried.  And we never
made it easy for him.  I guess that's why I come across rough
sometimes.  Most of the time.  And why I have a hard time talking
to you."
     Akane frowned.  "Run that by me again?" she said.  
     Ranma blinked.  "Well...it's sort of hard for me to trust you,
Akane."  He waited for her reaction.  Nothing happened.  "You're
not angry?" he asked.
     "No..." she said.  "I think I understand.  A lot of what
you've been saying, I understand better than you think.  My mother
died when I was pretty old...old enough to understand what it
meant, but not how to deal with it.  And it took me a long time to
trust anybody, too.  Nabiki *still* doesn't trust anybody much." 
She smiled.  "And I'm not sure I trust you, either.  So we're
even."  
     Ranma stared in disbelief.  "I can't believe you actually said
something halfway *nice*!"  He stopped.  "Uh..."
     Akane smiled.  "That's okay, Ranma.  I know what you mean,
now."  
     Ranma frowned.  "You do?"  
     Akane nodded.  "I think so."  
     There was a pregnant pause between them.  
     "You--"
     "Then--"
     They both laughed nervously.  "You first," said Ranma.  
     Akane nodded, surprised.  "I..."  She blushed.  "It would be
nice if you could try to be nicer more often, Ranma."  
     Ranma winced.  "Um...well, it would be nice if you'd listen to
me before hitting me, too, ya know."
     "Well, it would be nice if you could let a day go by without
insulting me!"
     "Oh yeah?  Well, maybe if you stopped trying to kill me for no
reason I'd be nice sometimes!"
     "Well, excuse *me*, Ranma!" Akane snarled.  "But you're the
one who starts it!"
     "Yeah, well, you start it too, ya know!"  
     "Oh yeah?  Name once!"
     "Fine!"  Ranma yelled.  "You are *such* a bi--a tomboy!"
     Akane jabbed out with her hand and poked a surprised Ranma in
the forehead.  "You're it," she said, unsmiling.  "Feel better
now?"  She sat back and crossed her arms.
     Ranma gaped.  "But--but--you didn't, wait, the last time I--"
     "The last time?  Ranma, this is the first time I've tried
that."  Akane cocked her head at him.
     Ranma's teeth snapped shut with an audible click.  "Um..." he
said.  
     Akane looked at him oddly.  "Isn't that right?"
     Ranma squirmed under her gaze.  "Yeah...wait--does that mean
you understand me better now?"
     Akane shook her head.  "Nope, I don't think I understand you
at all, Ranma.  But there are times I think I get a glimpse of the
real you.  So I guess you could say I'm learning."
     Ranma smiled tentatively.  "I guess you could say that," he
agreed.  He paused nervously.  "Um, Akane.  I dunno how much I can
try to be nice with you.  I sort of say things before I think, and
it's harder with you, 'cause of the engagement and all."  
     Akane nodded.  "I understand, Ranma," she said.  
     Ranma shook his head.  "No, I don't think so," he said.  "I
mean...look, this is nicer than I've ever been.  But it's kinda
hard for me to do it, and that's when we're alone and you're trying
to be nice and listen.  It's not something to base an engagement
on.  Most of the time, I'm still gonna insult you and make fun of
you and be with Ranko more than you."
     Akane looked thoughtful.  "I...see," she said.  
     There was silence as Ranma let Akane think.  Finally, she
turned back to him.  "I...guess I can accept that," she said,
surprised at her own words.  
     Ranma let out his breath.  Akane vaguely realized he'd been
holding it.  "Great," he said.  But then he turned pale.  
     Akane was leaning forward ever-so-slightly, her eyes closed. 
     Ranma gulped and his face contorted.  Akane, growing
impatient, decided to sneak a quick peek out of one eye and saw him
flush with anger--anger?  Akane stared at him for a second.  No, it
was just embarassment that had turned his face bright red.  Ranma
gulped again and steeled himself visibly, then leaned forward
slowly.  Akane's eyes closed again.  Ranma gave one small shudder,
one last barrier of resistance breaking down inside him, and then
he kissed her.  Their lips met, and Akane's eyes flew open in
shock.  But she shut them again and let the moment happen.  
     Akane had meant it to just be a quick kiss, only a little
thing, but it lasted longer than she had planned.  His arms
surrounded her lightly; hers stayed clasped in her lap.  Then he
broke away, and they both faced each other, flushed and breathless,
both speechless for a moment.
     "I think...I should go," Ranma said in a whisper, his voice
cracking slightly.  Akane nodded, not wanting to speak, unsure what
had really happened between them, or what it meant.  Ranma quietly
left her, walking backwards a bit unsteady, closing the door behind
him with a click.   
     Once he had left, Ranma slumped to the ground against the
door, eyes closed.  He placed a hand onto his head and felt a cold
sweat there.  He wiped it away, running his fingers through his
hair.  They came back dyed black.  
     "The things I do for my brother," whispered Ranko.


(1)  It was like the author was using too many metaphors.

                           *    *    *

     Ranma yawned.  There was nothing good on TV.  Maybe he should
go outside and practice.  He shrugged and turned the TV off, to the
consternation of his father.  "So turn it on yourself, old man,"
replied Ranma to his father's growfs.  
     Mr. Saotome held up a sign.  'Pandas don't have opposable
thumbs.'  Ranma laughed at him.  Mr. Saotome hit him on the head
with the sign.  
     Ranma kicked back.  "Hey, Pop, if you don't have thumbs, how
come you can carry signs?"  
     Genma growled and flipped the sign.  'Animal magnetism,' it
said.  Ranma kicked him again.  Mr. Saotome lifted his sign to hit
Ranma again.  
     Unbeknownst to either Saotome, a figure was spying on them
through the window.  It wasn't ready just yet to make its move. 
First, it had to be sure.
     The sign came down.  Ranma reflexively blocked, then kicked. 
Neither came into contact with anything.  Ranma was surprised.  So
was Genma, who found himself flying through the air into the wall. 
Ryoga stood in front of Ranma, having just thrown a several-hundred
pound herbivorous mammal over his shoulder.  
     Ranma smiled nervously (1).  "Er...hi, Ryoga.  Uh, don't tell
me you still want to fight me..."
     Ryoga kneeled.  "Here," he said, blushing as he held out a
bouquet of roses to Ranma.
     Ranma looked at them oddly before pushing them away.  "No
thanks," he said.  "Not my style."  He cocked his head.  "Hey, this
some kinda peace offering?"  Ryoga looked confused, but nodded. 
Ranma laughed.  "Great!  Well, that's one less trouble I gotta
worry about.  So, like, you wanna be friends or something?"
     Ryoga looked puzzled.  "Friends?"  
     Ranma nodded genially.  "Yeah, you know.  Like, do things
together, have fun, get to know each other.  Maybe spar a few
times...you're not *too* bad...not as good as me, of course.  But
then, who is?"
     Ryoga, if anything, looked even more nervous.  "You mean it?" 
     Ranma shrugged.  "Sure," he said.  "What's not to mean?"  
     Ryoga hugged him.  "Oh, I'm so happy!"  Tears streamed down
his face.  
     Ranma shivered and punched Ryoga away.  "Whaddya do *that*
for!?  Get off me, you pervert!!"
     Ryoga pulled himself off the wall.  "I'm sorry," he tried. 
"Please don't hate me."  
     Ranma looked at him.  "Did you get hit on the head or
something?"
     Ryoga went down to his knees.  "Please don't hate me..."
     Ranma put a hand on his shoulder.  "Aw, don't be like that,"
he said.  "I don't *hate* you.  You've got an attitude problem, and
maybe you're a bit dense, but you're an okay guy.  Although I can
see why you'd want to be in my good graces.  Those bruises still
bothering you?"
     Ryoga smiled and stood up.  "No, not at all," he said.  "In
fact, I bet I could beat him right now."
     Ranma took a step back.  "Hey, wait a sec..."  
     Ryoga's smile faded.  "Oh.  Right.  I didn't mean I *would*,
just that I *could*.  Since you don't want me to, I won't."
     Ranma cocked his head, puzzled.  "Oh.  So, all I had to do was
ask?"  
     Ryoga nodded emphatically.  "Your wish is my command."  
     Ranma grinned.  "Really?  Hey, that's great.  My own personal
slave."  Then his instincts, long-dead in such matters but recently
revived due to close exposure to Nabiki, finally kicked in.  "Wait. 
What are *you* getting out of this?"
     Ryoga smiled shyly and looked down at the floor.  "Just to be
near you...is Heaven..."  He blushed.  
     Ranma arched an eyebrow.  "Man, you're beginning to sound like
Kuno around my sister."  
     Ryoga blinked.  "I didn't even know you *had* a sister!"  
     Ranma stared.  "Of *course* I have a sister, you dope!"
     Ryoga seemed to shrink back.  "Oh, yes, uh, of course." 
     Ranma shook his head.  "Man.  Sometimes you're as thick as a
brick, Ryoga."  
     Ryoga seemed to deflate.  "You really think so?"  
     Ranma nodded.  "Yep.  Dumb as bricks, and about as interesting
as watching paint dry.  And you're egotistic, and dumb, and..."
     Ryoga's heart sunk even lower every time Ranma insulted him. 
He stood there, silently taking it, as his heart was slowly crushed
under Ranma's heel.
     "...and you're ugly, and you fight like a girl, and...oh yeah! 
You're cursed!"
     Ryoga couldn't take it any more.  He glomped onto Ranma.  "Oh,
PLEASE let me prove myself to you!" he begged.  
     Ranma edged away.  "Yeah...sure..."  
     Ryoga fought off depression.  "Look," he said quickly.  "I can
help you!  I know where your mother is!"  
     Ranma stopped.  "What?"
     Ryoga nodded eagerly.  "I can tell you where--"
     Ranma put a fist into his face with enough force to break a
board.  Strangely, Ryoga didn't seem to mind.  "I heard you.  So
what?  She's dead."
     Ryoga shook his head, dislodging Ranma's fist at the same
time.  "Didn't I mention that?  I met her, about a year ago!"
     Ranma stared.  "How do you know it was her?"
     "Well, I was in Kyoto...or maybe it was Canada.  They're
pretty much the same, I think.  I mean, they sound the same, so how
different could they be?"  He shrugged.  "Well, anyway, I stopped
inside a hotel to ask directions, when I ended up inside a house."
     Ranma nodded.  That sounded right for Ryoga.  Ryoga smiled,
encouraged.  "And when I asked for directions, this woman drew a
katana and chased me out!"  
     Ranma nodded, and waited for more.  "Go on," he said.  
     Ryoga blinked.  "That's it," he said.  At Ranma's blank look,
he went over things in his mind.  
     "Oh!" he said, belatedly remembering.  "Right.  On the way
out, I noticed that the sign in front of the house said 'Saotome
residence, Genma and Nodoka Saotome."  
     Ranma looked at him.  "That's my mother's name!"  
     Ryoga nodded.  "That's what I thought."
     Ranma shook his head.  "But she's dead!"  He paused.  
     Ryoga wavered.  "Uh...well...she *looked* alive..."
     Ranma waved a hand in his face.  "Wait...she's dead...or at
least, that's what Pop said..."  A nasty, suspicious look crossed
his face and he leaned over and grabbed his father, already in the
process of sneaking out of the room (2).
     Ranma gave his father a dark look.  "Yo, Pop," he said in dry
tones.  "What's the story on this one?"  
     Genma started writing signs.  Ranma grumbled and quickly
marched into the kitchen, grabbed a kettle of hot water
conveniently kept on the stove for just such an occasion, and
returned.  Genma turned human again, soaking wet.
     "Have pity on me!" he begged.  "I made a mistake!  But I lied
for your own good!  If we go back, she'll make us commit seppuku!" 
     Ranma raised an eyebrow.  "Oh yeah?  What'd you do?"  
     Genma started weeping.  "Oh, it was such a lovely day when she
agreed to let me take you and your sister on a training mission. 
Who would have thought such a little mistake could have such
enormous consequences?"  
     Ranma kicked him.  "So what's the story, already!"  
     Genma sat down.  "Your mother was a very...stubborn woman. 
She didn't want me to take you two out into the world to train. 
But I managed to convince her by promising to turn you into a manly
man by the time I returned."
     Ranma made a fist.  "Are you saying I'm not a manly man?" 
Ryoga looked at him, confused.  But then, that was normal for him.
     Genma shook his head.  "Would that it were just that!  But
alas, I failed to read the fine print of what I was signing!  It
was an all-purpose store-bought contract for two children...and it
was in plural!"  
     Ranma nodded.  "I dunno, that doesn't sound so bad..."
     Genma grabbed his son by the shirt collar.  "Are you blind,
boy!?  That meant that I was promising to make *both* of you into
manly men!"  
     Ranma blinked, then smashed his father into the floor.  "Oh,"
he said.  "Well...that's not *too* bad...I could go back, and..." 
He stopped.  
     Genma got up and blithely adjusted his glasses.  "But Ranko
and I could never return!  So to stop you from going yourself and
letting her know about the two of us, I had to lie to you both.  It
was cruel but necessary.  Surely you understand, boy."
     Ranma kicked Genma into orbit.  "Understand this, old man!!"
     Ryoga turned to Ranma.  "Ranko?  Wait...I don't understand..." 
     Ranma turned to him.  "That's okay," he said.  "Look, all we
gotta do is keep this from her."  
     Ryoga frowned.  "From Ranko?  But--I don't--"
     "Too late," said Ranko, stepping down off the stairway.  
     Ranma turned to his sister, his heart sinking.  "Aw, Sis..."
he began.  
     Outside the dojo, the shadowy figure nearly lost its grip on
the tree it was hiding in.  Two of them, exactly alike?  But which
was which?  If only it could hear them.  It gnashed its teeth
together in frustration.
     She raised an eyebrow.  "Don't you start that, Ranma," she
said.  "I'm not angry.  Well...okay, I want to kill Pop.  But
that's normal."  She smiled sadly.  "I'm ha-happy for you.  You can
see Mom."  A tear trickled down her face, but she proudly rubbed at
her face until it was gone.  
     Ryoga looked at her, then back at Ranma.  "Wait.  Which one of
you is--"
     Ranma nodded.  "Well, sure...if we knew where she was."
     Ranko smiled wryly.  "Ryoga said Kyoto, didn't he?  All you
need to do is check the phone directory."
     Ryoga interrupted.  "Um, excuse me?  But--"
     Ranma frowned.  "Or Canada.  Where the heck is Canada, anyway? 
It doesn't *sound* Japanese."  
     Ryoga nodded.  "It's not, actually.  It's right next to
Greenland.  I remember, because right after I left, I walked into
a rainforest."
     Ranko rolled her eyes.  "Ryoga, you dummy!  Greenland doesn't
have any rainforests!  Man, you have the *worst* sense of
direction.  EVERYBODY knows Canada is right next to the USA."
     "Oh," said a chastened Ryoga.  
     "Oh yeah, now I remember," added Ranma, eager to show off his
superiority, "It's that big country sitting right next to Texas and
California and those other states, right?  EVERYBODY knows that. 
Where were you when they taught Geography?"
     Ryoga blinked.  "Africa," he replied.  "Or maybe it was New
York.  I can't remember; that was a long semester.  Maybe both."
     Ranko covered her face with her hands.  "Ryoga," she said. 
"That was a rhetorical question."  
     Ryoga turned to Ranma.  "So are YOU Ranko?"  
     Ranma looked startled.  "Huh?  Of course not!"
     Ryoga turned red.  "THEN DIE, RANMA!!"  He grabbed the table
and threw it at Ranma.  
     Ranma dodged desperately.  "Hey, what happened to being
friends?"  
     Ryoga snarled at him.  "You lied to me!  You deliberately
tried to--"
     Ranko put her hand on his arm.  He stopped.  Ranma chose that
moment to slip off, leaving Ryoga to his sister.
     Ryoga looked at her.  "So are YOU Ranko?"  
     She nodded.  "Of course I am!  Who did you *think* I was?" 
Then a little lightbulb went on inside her head.  "Oh yeah.  Sorry. 
Geez, you must have been confused, thinking he was me and I was him
or something...yep, I'm Ranko, all right!"
     "Ranko?" came a voice.  A sweet, young, Chinese-accented voice
that came from a mouth that was attached to a sweet, young Chinese
girl.  A sweet, young Chinese girl who was holding twin bonbori in
her hands.  "I KILL!!"


(1)  Lesson One:  Anybody who can throw something weighing several
hundred pounds over their shoulder is your friend.  Really.

(2)  Ranma didn't even need to look up.  A stealthy panda only
makes about half the noise it does normally, crashing into small
objects and trying to fit through doorways.

                      End of Episode Twelve