THE STORY OF ISAMU FUYUTSUKI
Author’s
note:
So here is the fourth part. I haven’t got
much else to say, except thanking the site owners for their kindness and for
putting this thing up in the first place. And also thanks to those who have
mailed me with wonderful comments. You are all very kind and I dedicate this
part to you.
Thanks!
And, of course, you can contact me at just4kix@ihug.com.au or 65514266 on ICQ.
Special thanks to Deck for his editing of
this part. He’s certainly the best NGE fan there is. You can reach him at
9932020 on ICQ.
Adin
24/11/00
10
days after Episode 9.
Misato
looked down at Shinji, her arms still crossed over her chest. She could tell
from his expression how worried and anxious he was. He was always uneasy when
it had something to do with this. His stance mimicked Misato’s own, with his
arms intertwined over his plug suit. His brow was furrowed in concentration.
She turned her attention back to the view
the window they stood before provided. It was a very sterile view, a bright
white room. It hurt her eyes looking into it for too long. The only exception
was the dark behemoth fastened to the far wall. The contrast between it and its
surroundings felt cold and unnatural, like a beautiful yet dangerous animal
contained in a tiny cage with no windows.
And it was on these monsters their lives
depended.
She decided to try and ease Shinji’s mind.
He had been silent all afternoon on the way to NERV. In fact, he’d been quiet
all day, since he was told about the test. She could understand why. Her
attempt to talk was as much an attempt to relieve her own tension. She turned
her head again so she could look down to her right side, where he stood. He
hadn’t moved.
“Worried?” she asked simply but softly. She
wanted to make him know she wasn’t teasing, and that she knew how he felt. When
asked about how he felt he always retreated back into his shell. Maybe if she
lulled him a bit she’d be able to get her foot in the door and bring him out.
For a moment she thought he might not
answer. He stood still as stone. After a pause he released his breath in a loud
sigh and his shoulders slumped a little.
“Yes,” he replied just as simple and sombre
as she had. This made her wonder if he couldn’t talk or he didn’t want to. She
decided it must be the former, as he would’ve snapped, as he did when he was
irritated. This made her realise how much it must hurt him, his emotions
forever bottled up inside him. It must be a great burden.
She unfolded her arms and placed a hand on his shoulder. She felt him resist her touch at first, but then he relaxed a little. To her surprise she could feel him shaking slightly.
She heard the door to the control ‘box’
open, and then footsteps approach.
“Misato, ma’am?” Maya’s attractive voice
came from her left. Misato turned her head again to look at her. She was
smiling as usual, but not an annoying smile. It was a smile that made you glad
she was around. Misato returned the smile.
“He’s asking for you,” Maya reported. It
didn’t surprise Misato in the least – she had expected it – but it annoyed her.
She was finally getting through to Shinji, but she relented.
“Thank you Maya.”
Maya nodded politely to her then returned to
‘the Box’, leaving Misato and Shinji. Misato looked back at the window.
“Will you be ok?” she asked after a
necessary pause. She knew he wouldn’t if something went wrong, but it would do
more damage had she just left without saying anything.
Shinji sighed again. She could feel his
anger swelling. You know I won’t but you’ll go anyway she knew he wanted
to say, but he just replied “Yes” impatiently. Go then, leave me be. She
sighed inwardly. She thought she’d never be able to get through to him.
She walked down to the door. It opened as
she drew near and she made to step through. Halfway through she stopped and
leant back to look at him.
He hadn’t moved.
As
Misato walked in and the door closed behind her, she immediately became aware
of the person staring out of the large windows of the room’s far wall into
yonder cell.
Rei.
At first she’d thought Shinji’s suspicions
about the relationship between the 1st child and the newest as some
sort of personal fantasy, him being jealous of her actually asserting herself
with Isamu. But now she wasn’t sure. Maybe he was right.
Misato approached her, stood next to her,
following her empty gaze.
“Hello Rei,” she said. She wasn’t sure if
she would receive a response or what she’d do if she didn’t, but she did, in
Rei’s quiet, distant voice.
“Ma’am.”
Behind them Ritsuko raised her head from the
terminal she was monitoring. She moved to stand next to Misato. She could tell
Misato was worried. She was too.
Misato was so deep in thought that she
didn’t hear Ritsuko approach. Her mind registered movement to her right and she
moved her head just enough to see who it was. Central Command was her place,
her show. This was Ritsuko’s.
Ritsuko moved raised her arm and placed her
finger on a large red button set above a grill in the wall – an intercom.
“Isamu, she’s here,” she said as if he were
standing in front of her. She removed her hand. The light behind the button
stayed on, indicating an open channel.
There was a pause, and then a familiar voice
emerged from the speaker.
“Hey Misato.”
Certainly not his usual confident self.
He’s
scared, but he’s trying to hide it Misato thought, and from his voice he
was doing quite well.
“Hey, how’re you doing?” she asked, trying
to be supportive. She didn’t blame him. He had read their records, including
those on the EVA accidents. When he’d been told about the test, he hadn’t been
as elated as Misato had expected. He’d been very apprehensive.
And now the day was here, and he was scared
to death, but didn’t want anyone to know.
“I’m ok,” he replied, his voice quavering.
“Hang in there,” she told him, not really
knowing what else she could say. There wasn’t a lot she could do except boost
his confidence. When she told him Ritsu was in charge he had felt better,
though not himself.
She waited for a response; perhaps he was
going to say something else. But the brief pause ended with an “Ok.”
Behind Misato, Maya looked up from the
terminal displaying EVA-03’s circuit status. Of course all were closed;
Alphonse was dormant, his pilot not connected.
“We’re ready,” Maya reported to Ritsuko’s
back. Her voice was cool and efficient. It offended Misato slightly, but Maya
hadn’t known the 4th child very long.
Ritsuko sighed loudly. This was her way of
saying to Misato If you want to stop
this, now is the time, after this we have to go through with it. But Misato
knew as well as Ritsuko that it had to be done, regardless of how they and the
pilot felt. They couldn’t deploy an unmanned EVA-03 and hope the Angels ran
away.
Misato twitched nervously. She didn’t think
she’d ever been this uncomfortable in her life. She repeated Ritsuko’s sigh.
“Let’s get it over with,” she said. Ritsuko
nodded and walked back to her post. Misato watched her go then turned back to
the window and the communicator.
“We’re beginning, Isamu.”
“Oh, great,” he groaned back. She didn’t
want to do this but she had no choice. She looked back to Ritsuko and nodded
approval to start.
Ritsuko smiled weakly to he then looked down
to her right, almost talking into Maya’s ear (much to Maya’s delight).
“Let’s begin.”
Isamu heard Ritsuko say, “Let’s begin,” and
his heart slumped. They were going to go through with it after all. They always
were. And he was frightened as hell – he had been all afternoon. After reading
about the other incidents in NERV, it was no wonder.
This
tube thing smells funny he thought in a rather infantile way, and a grin
spread across his face. He’d been thinking of the smell ever since he’d been
put in it, which seemed like days ago, though it was really only an hour or so.
It was a smell that really stuck in the nose, and wouldn’t leave. It reminded
him of an injury he’d sustained once – the smell of flesh and blood.
He’d sat amazed at first, the plug was a lot
bigger than he’d imagined. Then he’d become worried, unsure how to talk to
Ritsuko, who’d told him she’d be in charge when he first arrived. It’d made him
feel better hearing it from her. Misato had told him but he wasn’t sure if he
should believe her – not because he didn’t trust her – but because he had the
feeling things didn’t always go as they were told in NERV.
But he’d felt better when the communicator
had clicked on, and her voice was the one that trickled down to him, among the
many background voices, which he supposed, belonged to the technicians working
alongside her.
“Are you there, Isamu?”
He felt the warm blood of relief flush his
face, and his voice – which seemed unable to decide whether he was 14 or 21.
“Yeah,” he croaked, the first two letters
coming out as a low growl, the last two a high-pitch squeak. He slammed hands
over his mouth, and his face went a deeper red as Ritsuko giggled – a red of
embarrassment.
“Is your voice breaking?” she enquired,
teasing mixed with adoration.
“No!” Isamu snapped back, not appreciating
it. This wasn’t the time for goofing off.
Ritsuko smiled to herself and walked away
from the communicator. Isamu could hear her conversing with someone, and then
she barked out an order for everyone to hear.
“Disengage signal terminator!”
Outside a large black tube with a cross
lifted out of the plug chamber on Alphonse’s neck. It lifted clear with a
mechanical grunting and groaning.
Isamu of course couldn’t see it, and could
only imagine what was going on. The next order really got his attention.
“Insert entry plug!”
He knew what that meant.
The plug around him shuddered and the noise
of the injection mechanism reverberated through it. Isamu felt his heart beat quicker
and harder - a rhythmic pounding in his chest.
This
is it! This is what I’ve been waiting for! flew through his mind, and he
was overcome with an immense feeling of joy mixed in with his anxiety. He
considered this the crowning moment of his existence.
Then it was still, for a moment. Suddenly,
to his surprise, the plug swivelled into position, locking into Alphonse’s
neck.
He was inside Alphonse for the first time.
It didn’t seem particularly exciting, but he knew that would change soon.
“Isamu, just sit tight while we prepare for
the neural connection. It’ll only take a little while,” Ritsuko told him. Her
voice was toneless, like that of an instructor; providing only the necessary
information.
“Ok,” Isamu replied nervously and tried to settle
himself.
And now here he was, still thinking about
the smell of the LCL and with his best friend watching (he didn’t know that
Ayanami was present, otherwise she would have doubtless been on his mind, as
she had been a lot lately).
“Initiate primary circuits,” Ritsuko
ordered.
Then Isamu’s thoughts were knocked from his
head as he felt a sudden wave of nausea pass over him. It was strong enough to
make him shudder violently, and then it was gone. The next thing that happened
was beyond his wildest imaginations; the plug came to life around him. Millions
of colours flew past in dizzying displays, providing strange views of things he
didn’t understand.
Then the colours melded into a flash of
white light, and the wall around him was replaced by a view of the room around
Alphonse.
But Isamu only had a moment to enjoy it.
Something pulled him hard back in his seat and his first thought was It’s invading my mind!
He could sense a consciousness within his
own, but it was almost identical to his own. Strange memories that weren’t his
own but somehow were starting playing in his mind; a jumble of quick images
like a slide projector stuck on fast forward.
But before he could begin to make sense of
anything, a new feeling took hold of him, one of the most powerful feelings
he’d ever experienced.
I’ve
been here before.
No you haven’t, that’s not possible.
I know I have. I’ve been here before.
His mind began a tug-of-war as to whether he
had really been there before. He felt it in every way something could be
familiar, yet he knew it wasn’t possible.
Alphonse had awakened something within him.
Something not meant to be waked, but to lie dormant.
“Isamu? Are you there? Isamu?!” an urgent voice burst in upon his thoughts, and he
realised he hadn’t been paying attention.
“Isamu!”
The voice was approaching a shrill wail.
“I’m here Misato,” he said quietly,
morosely.
“Are you ok?” she cried, very upset.
“Yeah,” he replied, his voice barely
audible.
He looked around. He could see.
I must
be seeing through Alphonse’s eyes.
He used his new eyes to look around. He
could feel the clamps on Alphonse’s shoulders – on his shoulders - fastening
him to the wall. He raised Alphonse’s arm, looking down at the huge hand,
flexing the gigantic fingers.
Misato had settled herself, and now her
voice took on the form of an awed whisper. “How does it feel?”
Behind her Ritsuko watched, a broad smile
across her face – the satisfaction of a job well done.
“It’s…” Isamu began to reply, and found he
couldn’t summon a word to describe how he felt. This was the moment he thought
would never come, like the dream everyone has that they never really realize
but keep safe within them to give them hope.
And here he was, living his dream, and he
couldn’t explain just how it felt.
“…Good.”
Misato wasn’t surprised by Isamu’s response.
She could imagine how it felt, though not the I’ve been here before part.
She smiled to herself, happy for him.
Momentarily she looked down to her left,
where Rei had been. Ayanami was still there, with an absent look on her face.
I wonder what she’s thinking.
As Misato posed possible answers to this,
Ritsuko walked over and stood to her right again. Misato looked around to her,
still smiling.
“Everything going smoothly?”
“Yes, better than I expected,” Ritsuko
replied, her smile widening. Misato’s own smile dropped off her face like a
brick.
“How do you mean ‘better than I expected’?”
Misato asked her seriously.
“His sync’ rate – it’s not what we
expected,” Ritsuko told her. Misato gave her an urging look, her eyes wide – a
look that screamed Tell me!
“It’s 56%,” Ritsuko said slowly.
“It’s WHAT?”
Ritsuko said nothing, Misato had heard the
first time. She just continued smiling and looked out to EVA-03 again. Alphonse’s
arm went back down to his side, and her looked over to where they were. Misato
remembered the open channel.
“Is that good?” Isamu asked. Ritsuko was
sure she could recognize a look of inquisitive curiosity on Alphonse’s face,
much like that of Isamu’s.
It’s even copying his expression.
“It’s better than good,” she said without
realizing, still looking out at EVA-03. She shifted her gaze to Misato, and
spoke to Isamu through her.
“It’s incredible.”
Misato gazed at her, dumbfounded.
56% without prior training. That’s higher
than Shinji’s first sync’. That’s impossible. Ritsuko looked at her in a
way that said I know, as if she’d read Misato’s thoughts.
Ritsuko looked out window again. Misato just
thought on, looking absently at the wall.
Yet another mystery to add to the pile.
Shinji stood, still looking.
There hadn’t been any commotion, the EVA
hadn’t tried to tear itself free of the restraint and pound the wall.
Everything must be going well.
Surprise hinted at him when EVA-03’s arm
rose up and flexed its fingers, its head looking down at that hand.
That mean’s it has synchronized with him.
It’s Isamu moving that hand.
Now that black behemoth was looking to the
control box, just to his left, and he thought he could see an expression of
curiosity on its face.
Misato must have said something
interesting.
Thinking of her angered him, Not only
because she left him there, knowing full well how he’d react if something went
wrong, but because of his own detachedness to her. She tried over and over to
get through to him, but he always closed up, like a clam protecting its soft,
vulnerable centre. And he could see he was doing it too, yet he was powerless
to stop it.
You’re a fool. The voice of his
father. Shinji felt his blood run hot with rage. His face tightened into a
snarl, then a grimace of pain.
I hate you! You were never there when I
needed you. And now you need me, that’s all. The only reason I’m here!
“Because I have a use for you,” came Gendou’s voice from his
memory. That had hurt him more than anything.
Damn you Father…
Shinji looked at EVA-03 – his father’s
creation – then walked away.
“WHAT?!” screamed the young girl sitting on
the park bench overlooking the lake situated next to the pyramid of NERV. The
handsome, middle aged man sitting next to her flinched at the volume and pitch
of her voice. Most people who knew her reacted this way when she spoke.
The girls face was one of stun – eyes wide
and her mouth hung open – obviously due to what her male associate had just
told her.
He gave her a look - You heard me.
“That’s not possible,” she consoled herself and
looked at her feet. Her long brownish hair hung down over the sides of her
face.
The man continued looking at her, a mix of
amusement, teasing and curiosity in his voice when he spoke again.
“56% without prior training or experience.”
Though he knew it was a lie himself.
He had been awaiting her reaction to the
news with great interest, remembering how she had reacted when she was told about
the 3rd child’s high sync’ level.
She considers him a threat, like she does
everyone, except me of course.
The last thought made him roll his eyes in
annoyance. He wasn’t blind to how she acted around him, how women everywhere
did. But Asuka was different – a sort of maturity complex.
And she’s still smarting from his teasing
from a couple of days ago.
But thinking of women always stuck in his mind,
especially thinking of a special lady. When he thought of her he couldn’t think
of much else.
A very special lady indeed he thought
and chuckled to himself.
“What are you laughing at?” the girl rounded
on him angrily.
“Oh…” he began to think of an excuse,
snapping back to reality, but he couldn’t so he just gave her a big grin.
“…nothing.”
Asuka didn’t give him the reaction he’d
hoped for.
“You were laughing at me, weren’t you?” she
said, her voice loud with rage. “You think I’m jealous! That he’s better than
me!”
Ryohji Kahji rolled his eyes again, and
looked in the opposite direction, off down the street.
“No, Asuka. I wasn’t”
“Yes you were!” she screamed. She jumped to
her feet and leant over towards him, hands on hips.
Ryohji just kept looking down the road for a
moment, but then made the mistake of looking into her face out of the corner of
his eye.
“I’ll beat him yet! This isn’t over!” she
said to him sincerely, almost frighteningly so. Ryohji’s expression of amused
irritation faded to one of terror.
Asuka stormed off, and he let out a long
sigh. He ran both hands over his face, pushing his hair back, then dropped them
into his lap and looked off into the distance, not really looking at anything.
He hadn’t spoken to Isamu about the test
yet, and he was very interested to hear his story. Very interested indeed, and
also interested as to what his father must be thinking. Ryohji had his own
doubts about NERV and what was going on.
But it’s a nice afternoon. Too nice to
work he told himself and slumped back in the chair, hands behind his head,
and dozed with a smile on his face now.
His daydreams were about a special lady
indeed.
That was very good work today Isamu,”
Ritsuko Akagi told the youngest Fuyutsuki who stood before her, back in his
civilian clothes.
Isamu wasn’t sure what he’d done or how he’d
done it, but he remembered his manners. “Thank you,” he replied quietly, his
face blank.
There is something on his mind. Maybe
things didn’t go so well after all Ritsuko thought, looking at him. Isamu
looked down at his feet. He’s really upset – this isn’t like him at all.
“Isamu, what’s wrong?”
Isamu paused momentarily, unsure how to tell
her. He decided he’d better not. Time heals all wounds, solves all problems was
a philosophy he’d based his life on.
“Nothing.”
This worried Ritsuko even more. She knelt
down and raised his face by putting her hand under his chin. His eyes were
glassy, his expression glum. She let the hand rest on his shoulder.
“Please tell me. It’s important I know if
there was something wrong. I am your friend aren’t I?” she asked him sincerely.
He just looked at her, tears brimming his eyelids. She pulled him into her and
held him.
Isamu was a little surprised at first, and
then he rapped his arms around her shoulders. Ritsuko was pleased; she thought
they’d taken away those feelings from time gone.
He was my little boy once…
She let go of him and held him in front of
herself again, her hands on his arms which hung down by his sides. She could
see the lines of tears on his cheeks and he sniffled. She was struck by how
cute he was again.
“Please?” she pleaded with him again. He
looked down at his feet, gathering the necessary courage.
“When I was in there – this afternoon,” he
began, and then sniffled loudly. Ritsuko reached into her white lab coat’s
pocket and withdrew a tissue. She handed it to him, and he blew his nose on it,
and then made a disgusted face at it. Ritsuko giggled kindly, then pointed to a
trashcan just down the corridor. Isamu walked to it and dropped the tissue into
its gaping maw.
Ritsuko raised herself to her feet and
walked over to him. She took his left hand in her right and looked down into
his face. He had an open mouth and wide eyes, asking what are you doing?
She gave him her best supportive smile and
he returned it.
“Do you like coffee?” she asked him.
“Uh, yeah.”
She turned to her right and headed him down
the corridor leading that way, hand in hand. Isamu wasn’t sure where they were
going; he hadn’t been to the small cafeteria that Ritsuko and Misato
frequented.
“What a view,” he said quite plainly, and
sipped out of the mug he held in both hands. It was dark and the buildings
suspended from the geofront’s roof were illuminated by hundreds of small
lights. The grounds around the NERV pyramid were lit by lines of electric
lights along the lanes and roads, like a luminescent spider’s web.
“It is, isn’t it,” Ritsuko murmured into her
own coffee, looking out of the window in front of the table they were sitting
at. They were almost alone in the cafeteria, the only other people present
being a couple of junior technicians, holding hands over their table.
Isamu looked over at them, and the male
leant over to kiss the female technician on the cheek. She smiled and blushed
red. Isamu smiled weakly at them, one of the most beautiful scenes he’d ever
seen.
Ritsuko looked away from the window down to
him and was mildly surprised he was smiling.
“What are you smiling at?” she asked him
tenderly. He looked up at her, still happy.
“Oh, nothing,” he told her and sipped his
coffee again.
“Feeling better?” she asked him and sipped
hers.
“Yeah,” he replied, and was pleased it was
the truth, and it was her he was telling. Ritsuko was glad too. It was like old
times, ones Isamu didn’t remember.
“Are you going to tell me what’s up?” she
asked him after a brief pause. Isamu’s smile faded, and he looked down at the
coffee mug in his hands.
“When I was in Alphonse, I felt something I
hadn’t expected at all. I was struck by the feeling that I’d been there before.
I know it’s impossible – I didn’t even know of NERV till a few months ago. I
have no recollection or memories of the plug, but the feeling was there and it
was too strong to ignore.”
Isamu kept looking down into his coffee,
thinking about what had happened. Maybe he was going mad - maybe he was imagining
it. He dismissed them both – it was too real a feeling for him to have imagined
it, and he was pretty sure he wasn’t insane.
He thought on and on for a couple of
minutes, unaware his partner had gone very quiet.
Ritsuko sat looking at him, her eyes wide,
her mouth hanging open. Her face was still as stone, but her mind was running
like a hare. Oh no, he’s starting to remember.
When Isamu looked up, it wasn’t the expression he’d
expected. He sat up in his chair, tensing. His own face was one of outright
worry and fright.
“Ritsuko? What is it? What’s wrong?”
Please don’t let me have gone mad.
Ritsuko seemed to return mentally. Her mouth closed
and her eyes blinked several times. She realized she had to give him an answer,
even if it was lie.
“I’m sorry Isamu, but I don’t know,” she
told him gently, and raised her coffee to her lips.
“I really don’t know.”