Thanks to SlayersNext for suggesting this wonderful idea.

                                P-Chan's Flight

Ryoga read the scroll one last time.  He concentrated on bringing his chi
into himself.  He felt himself getting lighter, but not enough to get
him off the ground.  Not until it happened.

The change washed over him as the water from the fish's splash hit him. 
His small, cursed body floated into the air.  <I did it!  I did it!> he
thought.  <Now to show Akane!>

Unfortunately for him, his cloven hoof couldn't hold on to the scroll.

***

Ranma and Akane were arguing again.  They sat at the table, looking out
at the pond in the garden.  Genma and Soun were trying hard with another
of their plans.

"When will you two stop fighting and admit your true feelings?" asked
Genma sternly.

"When pigs fly!" chorused the two teens.

"Bwee! Bwe Bwee!" squealed P-Chan as he floated by the dojo.

Akane's and Ranma's eyebrows twitched.

"You're right, Pop," began Ranma seriously.

"I'll go make out the invitations right now," finished Akane as they
walked out of the family room.

***

"Shampoo, when will you realize Ranma doesn't love you and marry me?"
asked Mousse.

"When pig fly!"

Mousse stared past her for a moment.  He took off his glasses and
cleaned them.  Putting them back on, he timidly pointed behind her. 
"Like that one?"

Shampoo turned to see P-Chan shrug as he passed them.  "You think Ranma
go for double wedding?"

"We can ask."

The two returned to the Nekohanten.  Cologne hopped out, staring at
them.  "What's wrong?"

Shampoo sighed.  "Mousse and I are getting married and returning to
China," she replied in Mandarin.

"I forbid it!  Go get Son-in-law!"

"But Great-grandmother, Mousse and I saw a sign from the gods."

"Oh?  And what sign was that?"

"A pig in unassisted flight," answered Mousse.

Cologne fell off her staff, pale.  <I was promised no flying pigs in
this life!>

***

Ulyou glared at the mail box in her dining area.  It asked her, "When
will you date me, Ukyou-sama?"

"When pigs fly!"

"BWEEEEeeeee!"

Ukyou dropped her battle spatula.  <Just one date.  That's all.>  "Come
on, Tsubasa, let's get this over with."

<Why didn't I think of that?> thought Tsubasa, banging his head against the
discarded mail box.

***

In the central United States, a graduate student is typing away at the
computer.  He's looking at several illustrated books when an elderly
woman comes into the room.

"Bryan, when are you going to study for your finals AND clean your
room?"

"When the cows come home, Grandma."

Outside, P-chan dances, until he hits a large bovine.  It turns its
head, looking at the small piglet.  "Moo!" <I don't live here.  I'm on
my way to the university farm.>

"Bwee?" <Oh.  Which way to the Tendou Dojo?>

                                The End

I hope you enjoyed that.  BTW, I don't have to worry about cows coming
home.  I live in a small city. ^_^

Bryan Neef
bneef@ice.net
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/fiction.htm

revised 12-22-97