A Shoulder to Cry On

by Dark Ki    (Email: BrendenKyo@aol.com)

"If night and day were joined as one,
United, their light
Could never match our love."

    --Miracle Shining

How can I tell him the truth?

Brenden and I have been bandmates for almost half a year now, and we've been best friends for more than three years. Watching him grieve over Tadashi Aikizaki's body was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and not just because I felt such great sympathy for his loss. I know what it's like to lose someone I love. At least Brenden was spared being a murderer, like me.

But how can I tell him? To speak what I feel would demand that I tell him everything, and that would destroy any chance I have to earn his l... no, I can't even say it. To do so might only jinx me further. God, how I hate myself for feeling this way. It's torture, merciless self-torment that I can't stop. I wanted to pull him away from Tadashi even as he wept, to carry him away and-- damn it, no! It's not fair to him. It's not fair that someone he trusts was....

"Aslan? What's wrong?"

His voice makes me shiver, from guilt and from the tingling that runs up my spine. He sings so beautifully, but even when he speaks it's like a thunderstorm in my chest. It's all I can do to stare down at my hands clutching each other in my lap. I wish I could die right now. Maybe if he keeps talking to me with that soft voice, still quivering a little from his tears, my heart will explode.

"Aslan, you're scaring me. What's wrong? I... I know I'm horrible to be around right now, but... did I freak you out or something? Whatever it is, I'm sorry." His tone grew more pleading, and it took all my willpower not to break down in sobs or run from the room. The mournful sound in his words doesn't suit him at all. "I'm not going to yell at you, I promise. Just talk to me!"

Oh god, why does he have to be so compassionate, so gentle... so exquisitely beautiful? Every time he looks at me, every time I hear him speak, it only brings up those feelings I long to keep buried. I don't have feelings like that; I shouldn't feel this way. Sure, Bren had come to accept the fact that he loved Tadashi, or that he could be intimate with any man as long as they cared about each other. So why is this whole situation so damn hard for me? Why can't I just open my mouth and talk to my best friend? I feel like such a monster... a horrible monster for hating Tadashi and then myself because I waited long enough to lose the one thing I loved more than anything. I swallow, trying to force my heart back down into my chest where it belongs. "Brenden... I...." I sound awful, so choked and raspy that I feel Brenden shift on the bed, reaching for me in concern. Damn it, why did I have to sit on the bed next to him, of all places? "Never mind, it was a stupid idea." I start to my feet, but he settles that hand on my shoulder and pulls me back down into my seat. I can't stop myself from shaking, partly from fear, and partly from the fire his touch ignites low in my belly.

"As, just tell me." It 's a gentle plea; worry radiates from him like a tangible chill.

There is nothing more I can do to deny what I'm feeling. His hand on my bare shoulder burns like flaming ice, bringing tears to my eyes. It feels like my loose tank top and sweatpants are too confining to hold my skin together; I'm ready to burst from the emotions churning under my skin. I can only pray that he'll forgive me for my jealousy. I turn my gaze up to his frighteningly gorgeous face and watch him suddenly squirm at what I know he sees in my eyes. Oh gods... I think I'm gonna be sick.... "I... I'd rather show you...."

"Okay, if it's easier for you." Thank the gods he's so understanding. I just hope I can do this, and without Bren beating me senseless for it.

I've always imagined what his hair would feel like, and may the Powers strike me dead if it isn't more exquisite than the finest silk as I tangle my fingers in it. I bite back a gasp of joy; just wrapping his long jet-black tresses in my hands is enough to make my senses reel. He looks surprised as I lean forward, pulling his head down to mine, and then I'm drowning in the taste of his lips. I barely feel him trembling, but I do feel it, and I wonder if I should pull away. But I can't. I can only deepen my kiss-- our kiss-- as I hold him against me and push my tongue between our lips.

He doesn't resist.

I feel his arms enfolding me in a gentle but fierce embrace.

I feel his tongue tangling with mine.

I feel his moan of pleasure echoing in my mouth and my mind and my soul.

Gods help me... he is kissing back.

And now we're both lost.

Brenden is several inches taller than me and more muscular, but he seems so delicate and frail. His eyes are still red and swollen from crying, and I kiss away a tear that starts to spill down his face as I tip him back onto his bed and straddle his hips. I can feel him pressing into me, moaning as my body heat reaches him through our clothes. I can't resist rocking a little, rubbing my crotch against his to draw a cry from him. His jeans are getting tight on him now, and he's begging for relief.

"You're sensitive, Bren," I tease gently. "I've barely done anything and you're getting hard already." I almost hate to taunt him like this, but the thrill of knowing that I have him, even just for this one night, makes me shiver with joy.

He whimpers, caught halfway between pleasure and pain, and I decide that enough is enough. I want to love him, not torment him. I open his jeans and lift my weight from his body just to tug them down around his thighs, taking his boxers with them. He wriggles a little on the bed at the feeling of the worn denim binding his legs together, so I pull his pants off entirely and toss them to the floor. He shivers in the cold air, but even more so when I run my hands over his bare, sculpted thighs and up to the hem of his t-shirt. In a sudden surge of eagerness, he sits up, almost unseating me, and strips off his shirt, throwing it across the room as if glad to be rid of it. His arms go around me and pull me down on top of him, his eyes begging for me to ravage his mouth again. I gladly oblige, one of my hands worming under him to cup his rear; the other, wedged under my own body, kneads his inner thigh. His erection is firm and hot against my clothed abdomen. I can't stand it anymore; I want to feel his bare skin against my own, to share our heat. Impatiently, I struggle out of my clothes, letting them fall in a heap next to Bren's. An unrestrained gasp escapes me as I settle astride his hips again, my hands braced on his chest. His hard shaft presses against the soft skin between my legs, brushing against my balls and the virgin entrance to my body, and I rock my hips forward with a whimper of need.

Brenden's eyes are glazed over, longing written across every feature. His powerful hands gently grip my hips as he bucks up against me, brushing the head of his length over my entry again. For a moment, I'm tempted to impale myself on him, to give him that aspect of my virginity, but I can't. My cock throbs, begging for me to thrust deep into him instead, because I know it might be the only chance I ever get. And as much as I love this divine being, I fear the pain I imagined having him within me would bring. So, instead, I lay myself on my stomach, pinning his legs under me. I catch a glimpse of my hands on his legs: moonstone-pale against his fair almond color, milky for an Asian but still normal.

Still human.

I hesitate. Why would this lovely creature want me? I'm nothing more than a bloodsucking monster, a fiend who exists by draining the life of others. I know Brenden enjoys working with me, but to have me share his bed-- and run the risk of having me slay him in his sleep as I did to Tasha-- is nothing more than my impossible dream. Again, I start to back off, to leave my best friend to a peaceful life without my curse.

Damn his loving, innocent heart... he reaches out to me with a whimper, his eyes luminous with tears. "Don't go...." he whispers. In that moment, I'm caught. I can't leave him, ever. With those words, he's tied my heart to his with unbreakable threads. I want to taste him, hear him cry my name.

With a little growl, I press my lips against the head of his erection and suck it into my mouth like a large cherry, running my tongue in fast, merciless circles around the edge. Brenden arches up off the bed, wailing as his movement drives his full length into my mouth and down my throat, pressing my nose against his abdomen. I begin to work him, but I've never done this before and he's bigger than I expected. I almost choke as he hits my the back of my throat, but it gets much easier very quickly, and the deep moans I draw from him send shivers up my spine. I drag my upper teeth along the sensitive shaft on the upstrokes and trace my tongue along the vein on the underside on the downstrokes, and the rhythm drives him mad with desire. He grabs my hair and bucks up into my face, wordless sobs of ecstasy the only sound he can make. I can taste his bitter saltiness, and I love it more than the finest wine. I move faster, suckling as hard as I can, and I feel his cock pulse against my tongue. My hand curls around my own shaft, stroking my aching flesh as I imagine how good it'll feel inside Bren. Brenden groans deeply, cutting it off abruptly as he bites his lip, fighting down whatever urge nearly seized him as he squirms mindlessly under me. I want him... I want to devour him, to feel him spill down my throat. I draw harder, feeling lightheaded, and suddenly Brenden cries out. Hot, thick ropes of creamy, salty nectar splash into my mouth, startling me. I was not expecting him to come so fast and with such ferocity. At first, I find the taste a little nauseating, but I grow accustomed to it quickly, drinking greedily as Brenden spasms. Finally, he collapses back onto the bed, panting with exertion. I lick my lips, closing my eyes to better feel the pounding of my heart, but I'm not done with him yet.

Brenden is just starting to settle down a little when he cries out again, feeling the tip of my tongue caressing his entry, testing his sensitivity. I want to lose myself in him right now, but I remember hearing that such an act will hurt terribly if I don't get him ready first. Before I let him go, I nip and suck and run my tongue over the soft sac of his balls, hearing his gasping moan and feeling him shiver deliciously. I sit up reluctantly, only because I know that the best is yet to come. While Brenden is sprawled out, helpless and waiting, I quickly search through the drawer of the nightstand. There must be something here leftover from Bren's trysts with Tadashi-- aha! I find a small bottle of lubricant and pour a liberal amount into my hand. It is warm and silky as I coat my fingers with it, rubbing them in little circles over the little ringed opening between Bren's legs. He makes a soft little sound and wiggles his ass against my hand. I push a slick fingertip against his entry, testing his resistance, and marvel when it slips in all the way. Brenden shrieks, thrusting himself into my palm, but there is no pain in the sound. Intrigued, I begin to move my finger in and out slowly, picking up the tempo as sweat begins to bead on Brenden's forehead and his hips move faster. I can feel him loosening around my finger, and so I use a second one, never losing the rhythm. This time, his cries are louder, pleading.

"Please... oh god, please....!"

I am still opening him up as my other hand massages the rest of the lubricant onto my own cock, watching his thrashing as I prepare myself. Only at the last moment do I slowly pull my fingers free. As much as I hate to lose contact with those beautiful silver eyes of his, I know of only one way to do this: I roll him onto his stomach and pull him up onto his hands and knees. For a moment, I fear that he won't be able to hold himself up, but he does. He shivers as my hands cup his firm ass and spread him open, revealing himself to me. I touch the head of my shaft to that welcoming, wet place and push in slowly, feeling him tight and hot around my entire length. He rocks back against me with a wanting moan; I lay myself over his back and begin to thrust with just my hips, reveling in the feeling of Brenden's warmth wrapped around me as my lips roam over the back of his neck and his ears. He whimpers something softly as he bucks against me, and I strain to hear him.

"Oh god... Tadashi... feels so good...."

My heart twists at the sound of that name. He thinks that I'm his dead lover; his mind is lost in the swirl of pleasure our lovemaking brings him. No, I can't let him lose himself in the past. I whisper in one of his elegantly pointed ears. "Shh... Brenden...."

He knows my voice too well, and it's enough to drag him out of his spell. He sags forward onto his chest, pressing his face into his folded forearms. I can hear my name as a soft, muffled sob on his lips, the tremor rolling through him vibrating him to the core and passing into me through our joining. It's too much for me. I grab his hips and thrust harder, throwing back my head and gasping with the building sensation of heat and pressure in my groin. It can't be long before the sensations overtake me and I explode deep into Brenden's body, screaming with the thrill of release. I collapse along his back, catching the time out of the corner of my eye. Over an hour has passed! I almost sag at that moment, but I manage to roll him onto his side.

He is sobbing.

I reel back in surprise, withdrawing slowly from him so as not to startle him further. What have I done? He knows that I'm not Tadashi... he's horrified that his best friend took advantage of him.

"Brenden...." I feel tears welling up in my eyes, and I slink to the far corner of the bed, sitting with my back to him. "Bren, I'm so sorry... I should've stopped... I know you don't want me, but I couldn't help it...."

I hear him sit up with a soft rustle of sheets. The scent of him clings to me, wonderful but serving as an awful reminder of my betrayal. I sit there, quietly weeping, waiting for his Power to come down on my neck like a blade....

"Aslan... why?"

I can still hear the grief in his voice, but I can tell that he's forcing himself to talk. I wait for the accusations, wondering why he hasn't punished me for my terrible actions.

"Why didn't you tell me how you felt?"

I turn and stare at him. He looks so innocent, so fragile, sitting there with the sheets clutched against his chest, his tousled hair trailing onto the bed behind him. I can't lie to him anymore. "I... I wasn't sure until it was too late. I knew I'd lost my chance when I saw you...."

"...with Tadashi," he finishes softly, understanding suddenly glimmering in his eyes. "I wish I'd known." He looks away. "Then again, maybe it was my fault for not telling you the truth, either. Aslan, I was attracted to you from day one. But... I thought you weren't interested in men. And I didn't want to make you uneasy by asking."

My heart leaps into my throat. This can't be happening! What have I done to make this wildest dream of mine come true? "Brenden...?"

He looks back at me, his eyes dark with that same loving glow I'd only seen him give to Tadashi before. My pulse races as he scoops me into his arms, cradling my head in the pillows that still carry the scent of his hair. I shiver, giving a little gasp as his weight settles over me. His long fingers caress my face, much of the grief in his eyes washed away by love. I have no idea what he's doing until I feel his other hand brush against the place between my legs, his fingertips slick with warm lubricant. I whimper loudly, my eyes wide; when did he get hold of that?

Brenden nuzzles my neck, whispering against my skin as he slides a finger into me. I moan loudly at the welcome intrusion; it's so strange to have that hard flesh inside me that I almost miss what he's saying, but I do hear it.

"I want to make love to you, Aslan...."

Those words, coupled with the intense sensations created by his skilled hands, send my nerves into a firestorm of ecstasy. I shriek and thrash, twisting my spine as I buck against him. But Brenden pushes me carefully down into the soft bed, determined to teach me his art of gentle love, his hand cupping my ass as he works his finger in deeper. So I close my eyes and rock slowly with him, biting my lip and hoping the slight sting will keep me calm. His lips fasten on my left nipple, suckling gently and tugging at the little bead with his teeth. My breath quickens, my hips moving of their own will as he lavishes equal attention on my other nipple. I don't know how much time passes before I feel myself open wider as he uses a second finger and moves just a little faster, the feeling even more intense than before.

"Brenden...!"

His fingers slip free and I collapse with a grateful sigh. "Gods, only five minutes and I'm exhausted already."

Brenden grins. "Aslan, it's been almost half an hour!"

I blink, stunned. "What?"

Brenden chuckles as he spreads my legs, guiding them around his waist, and I feel his slick head pressing against me. I tense, and Brenden's expression is knowing. "Don't worry. It'll burn for a second, and then it'll be okay. I'll go slow, alright? That is, if you still want me to do this."

I nod once, not trusting myself to speak, and close my eyes, waiting for the quick thrust and the awful pain that will take the last part of my virginity. It doesn't come. Instead, I feel a slow push and a faint burning as I stretch around him. I suck in a sharp breath and hold it until I feel Brenden's abdomen press against my shaft, warm and strong. He pauses as I tense up; gods, my mistake makes it burn terribly!

"Just relax. It'll hurt if you clamp down right away." He smiles, a hint of teasing in the expression. "Besides, if you do that again, you'll make me come." His hand brushes like a feather over my cheek, and I let my body relax at his touch, driving the pain away. "That's better. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Aslan."

I exhale slowly and open my eyes, gazing up in stunned silence at his gently smiling face. "Are you...?"

"I'm all the way in. You okay?"

Again I nod. I can't believe it; the man I love more than anything is buried deep inside me... the first man to ever touch me this way. "It... it feels so weird...."

"Still hurt?"

I wonder how he can be so calm. My heart thunders in my chest and I wiggle my hips, feeling myself ripple and spasm around him. "N-- no, not anymore."

"Then how's this?"

He moves out slowly, until I can feel the edge of his head just inside me, then back in. That's all I need to send me clutching at his shoulders, tightening my legs around him. The muscles inside me constrict; Bren's eyes widen as I squeeze him without feeling any pain this time. "Oh gods... Brenden...!"

Now he thrusts harder, faster, his stomach muscles rippling as he moves just his hips. He bends in an arch over me, his lips finding my neck and suckling there. I gasp, suddenly aware that my fangs are extended from my arousal-- they probably have been from the moment I first kissed him-- and I dimly pray that I haven't bitten him. I don't know how much time passes while he thrusts his full length into me, the head of his cock brushing against a place far inside me that sends sweet flames licking at my spirit. I writhe beneath him, the strange feeling of another man's shaft buried in my body swiftly becoming the most wonderful sensation I've ever known. I dig my nails into his shoulder as my muscles start to flutter and ripple along his length.

Brenden growls low in his throat and rams himself in, the friction sending wild shivers of fire up my back and through my groin. I can't stop myself from clamping down on him harder, my body wanting to milk him. Brenden makes a strangled sound and thrusts in hard, already near the bursting point from my earlier teasing. Suddenly, his mind curls around mine in a telepathic embrace, the first one I've felt from him since my Initiation, only this one carries the power of his love... for me, I realize. My body responds immediately and I come hard, splattering my belly with drops paler than my skin, wailing from the intensity of my orgasm. I feel Brenden stiffen and groan, buried within me as he loses control and fills me with his nectar, a warm flood that shakes my body into another set of orgasmic trembling. He sags over me, getting in a few more nips and licks at my ears and neck before he rolls off me; the sensation of his cock pulling free of my body sends a tremor through me. I whimper because I don't want him to leave my body, but the feelings are so intense, even after my orgasm, that I fear fainting in his arms.

"I'm sorry that was so fast," he apologizes.

"It's my fault. I tensed up after you told me not to, but I couldn't help it," I whisper.

"Don't worry about it," he soothes. "You were just ready, that's all. It happens when it's time. As long as you enjoyed it, then it was perfect."

I'm still terrified that this is a dream, that he thinks I'm someone else. "I know that you miss being with Tadashi."

He turns my face towards his, the sight of his eyes making me shiver happily. "I miss having someone I love to curl up with at night. I'll always love Tadashi, but I love you, too."

To hear those words... I want to weep with joy for what he's offering me with those words. "You can stay with me, Bren. Please... I want you to." I hope he accepts the offer; I'm too exhausted to move.

Stay with me... tonight and forever....

He doesn't answer. Instead, he lays on his back and tucks me under one arm, laying his other arm over me to complete the embrace. I feel my eyelids droop, and I don't fight them. I let myself drift down into sleep, left to wonder if he heard my silent prayer, lulled by the sound of Brenden's slow breathing and the rhythm of his powerful heart.

I wake up the next morning in a daze, unsure of where I am. My head is pillowed on a broad, muscular chest that rises and falls with slumbering breath, a heartbeat thudding away calmly under my ear. I sit up, gazing down on a sleeping face too beautiful to be human. I must be dreaming; it’s the only way I could be so close to him. Last night-- that wonderful, unforgettable night-- was only a fantasy. Any second now, he’ll vanish like a soap bubble, especially if I touch him. I don’t want to touch him, but I have to. I need to feel him, real or not. My hand settles over his heart, and I can feel the rise and fall of his chest.

He is real… my living, breathing, precious lover.

My Brenden.

The enormity of what I’ve been given strikes me, and I can’t stop myself from running my hands over him, exploring the curves of his face, his arms, his sculpted body. His long lashes flutter in his dreaming; he looks so innocent, so stunning, but I ache to see the eyes behind them. Curled up against him as I am, his skin is electric to the touch, sending a tingle through me that sets my nerves on fire. With tears in my eyes, my mouth finds his, coaxing him to awaken with gentle kisses. I sigh with contentment as his arms fold around me and his lips part like the petals of a rose, our tongues twining like mating serpents. He pulls me on top of him, the heat of his body arousing me.

And you say I’m easy to turn on.

His telepathic voice is much stronger now, the final forging of our rapport complete. It’s almost like my own thoughts, but in his voice. Maybe I can think back to him…?

I can’t help it, Bren. I can’t help the way my body does that.

I’m not complaining.

Telepathic communication is wonderful. It leaves the mouth free to do other things, like make up for lost time. I gently savage him, still able to taste myself on his tongue. Oh gods… I think I need you again…. Even my mind-voice sounds breathless with rising passion, and I realize that I’ve been grinding my growing erection against his for the past few minutes.

Don’t worry. This time, I have every intention of making this last.

A heartbeat later, I find myself beneath him, his tongue tracing languid circles around my nipple. I gasp, pressing my chest into his face and wrapping my arms around the back of his head. I feel the hot, liquid sensation in my crotch again, my cock begging for attention. My hand creeps down between us, reaching for… ohhhhh… gods…! Bren’s hand curls around my shaft, stroking me enough to inflame my passion without making me come. He knows just what to do to make my senses reel; my cries for mercy only make him suckle my nipples. I swear I can feel them throb in time with the vein running the length of my erection. My mind begs for him to impale himself on me, to ride me until he throws back his head and cries out when I fill him with hot seed.

"Brenden…!"

"I told you, Aslan," he breathes against my well-suckled nipples. "I’m doing this the right way this time. Just let me love you."

I lay back and try to bite down my growing need, closing my eyes. Then, to my horror, I feel it: my fangs extend and the rolling hunger in my gut screams to be satisfied, as loud as the voice of my lust. I bite clear through my lower lip fighting it back, cursing my stupidity in putting off my monthly feeding for too long.

Brenden, stop…!

He can’t hear me. My curse with its inhuman desires has strangled my connection with him and will do so as long as I starve it. I groan in agony, knowing that there’s nothing I can do to protect the man I love from a danger he doesn’t fully understand. I’m helpless as he leaves a slow line of kisses down my stomach, his breath hot on my straining shaft. Even my voice dies in my throat.

Don’t… don’t… oh god, don’t do it… I’ll lose control if you do…!

He swallows me to the hilt and I scream, partially in protest, partially in pain from my hunger, and partially from the lust that washes over my vision in a crimson haze. Such a deep, thick, wonderful scarlet… as deep as the growl I unleash as I grab his arms and drag him up my body until he’s straddling my hips. He stares down at me, blinking with surprise.

"Aslan, what’s wrong? What’s happening to your eyes?"

I thank the gods and curse them for never letting him see me like this before. Maybe if he doesn’t struggle, I can drain just a little bit from him. But the feeling of his crotch pressing against mine overwhelms my hunger and I wriggle until I feel my head pressing against his entry. He shivers in pleasure but still manages to look startled. I turn my gaze to him, growling my demand between tightly clenched teeth and tense lips so that he can’t see my fangs clearly.

"Fuck me, Brenden…."

Bren’s eyes widen; he’s never hear me say that word before, and it scares him. I can feel his anxiety, his concern for me, but I’m too far gone to care. Impatient and irritated at his lack of action, I thrust upward with my hips, driving myself into him as far as I can. He screams in pain, but there’s pleasure in the sound. My snarl is fearsome as I catch his hips in my hands, keeping him from disengaging me from his body, and I buck into him with wild, fast snaps of my lower body. He rides me desperately, his lovely face contorted into a rictus of agonized pleasure. It feels so good to bury myself in his tight passage, even tighter now without lubrication and gentle foreplay. The friction is incredible, burning along my cock and making me even harder, which only tightens our joining. Brenden’s tears drip onto my face and chest; he’s arched over me, gasping and sobbing for me to stop even as he rocks with me.

Instead, I flip him onto his back, never losing my rhythm as I ram into him harder than ever. There’s a slick feeling coating my shaft, and I can smell traces of blood. The fragile tissues inside him are torn by the force of my thrusts.

"Aslan, please… stop… you’re hurting me…."

He sounds so weak, choked by tears and confusion and pain. I hiss softly and stab my cock into him as far as it will go, resting there and listening to Brenden’s moans tip up into a strangled cry as I bite into his throat, sucking uncontrollably at the blood that splashes over my tongue. I slip one arm around his back and raise his upper body off the bed, seizing his hair in my other hand to pull his head back. Now I can sink my fangs in all the way, increasing the flow of his life’s blood to my demanding hunger. Oh gods… he tastes so good, like honey and cream and sweet wine. Long minutes pass before my thirst is sated, but not my driving need for release. I tear my fangs free, letting Brenden go limp on the bed as I start thrusting at him again. I only last through six or seven strokes before I roar in lust, shoving myself into him so deeply that Brenden’s legs are forced further apart to accommodate me. I come in several strong spurts, each one sending a violent shudder through me. Brenden moans as my salty cream burns like acid inside his tattered entrance. He’s unconscious, blacked out from the stress of the abuse he’s suffered at my hands.

Only now does my soul begin to scream. I can’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling, only that I want nothing more than to run as far away as I can. But I can’t. Bound to him as I am, I slip free of his battered body and hold him close, catching the strong scent of blood and sex as I drift off.

The nightmare is hazy by the time I wake up, hating that I slept until almost three in the afternoon. I never sleep this late, but my body needs to make up for last night. I shake Brenden, but he only groans wearily and rolls over, snuggling his back up against me. I don’t know why, but I check him for wounds, not surprised when I find none. What I remember of my dream makes me ill; I’d never do such horrible things to him. I haven’t had nightmares like this since the incident with Marina. Why is it happening now, when I’m so happy?

My stomach rumbles, but it isn’t food I crave. I sigh as I recognize the pangs of the old thirst. So that’s why I had that dream. Damn my cursed body for playing havoc with my sanity! Can’t I be happy for once in my life, without someone or something manipulating me from the shadows? And now I have to wait for nightfall to feed, and I don’t trust myself to stay in Brenden’s arms, especially not after that dream. I tug on my sweatpants and stumble into the living room, finding a scrap of paper and a pen. I scrawl a quick note to Bren, telling him that I’m going into self-imposed isolation in my room, and that I’ll see him later tonight. I know he’ll understand.