Fragments of Memories
By: Ultimecia

Zell walked towards Squall's dorm with his hands in his pockets and a puzzled look on his face. Squall had invited him into his room for reasons he didn't know and Zell was feeling slightly disturbed about this as well - since when did Squall ever talk to Zell - if anyone - willingly?

As Zell entered, Squall didn't seem to see him. He was sitting on laying on his bed in the dark with his back to the door. His body was clenched up and his hair was dangling onto his neck. When Zell thought about it, Squall's hair was pretty long. His hair was resting on his on his curved back... Zell noticed his eyes were following the curve of Squall's back, and he shook his head and tried to snap out of it straight away
'Uh, s'up, Squall?' Zell said, putting his head to the side and standing upright. He iched his blonde hair as he waited for Squall to reply.
Squall turned around quickly noticing he was there, and sat up on his bed. He put his hands on his head and the look on his face said that his head was aching him.
Squall looked up at Zell and muttered 'Thanks for coming, Zell. Close the door, please...'
Zell shrugged, turned around and closed the door up tight. He was alone ... with Squall ... in his dorm. If people knew we were do'in this, Zell thought, god knows what they'd think!
The idea itself made Zell feel odd - not sick about the idea, but he felt as if he wanted people to think they were...
'So, what's up, Squall?' Zell said, breaking his line of thought.
Squall stood up and instinctively headed to the window in his room he always peered out of. He stared out there for a while, at the never ending sea, then crossed his arms, and turned around to face Zell.
'Zell...' he said and paused 'I.. I don't know who to tell this to, but..I have something to say. I need to get it out.' Squall paused again. Still Zell said nothing, so Squall spoke again 'Zell, as a friend..can I tell you something? I don't want to burden my problems on to you, or--'
Zell stood up straight again and butted in Squall's speech 'C'mon Squall, I'm your pal, you can me anythin!' Zell gave Squall a smile, but he didn't get one in return.
Squall gave out a sign instead 'Thank you Zell.' he said. Squall walked back to his bed and sat on top of it. He motioned Zell to come sit down with him, and Zell did so. Zell bounced on the bed like a baby, and smiled and looked at Squall.
Squall sat in silence, looking down at the floor. Zell desided to brake the silence like he usualy did.
'So, like, Squall, what do 'ya wanna tell me?' Zell said. He put his hand around Squall, but shockingly, Squall didn't push him away. Zell smiled to himself and gave Squall an affectionate squeeze.
Squall coughed 'Zell, you remember when I was..tortured by Seifer..?' Squall avoided all contact with Zell as he spoke. Zell nodded to confirm he understood.
Squall sighed again 'Well...Zell, he didn't just...torture me...'
Zell let go of Squall and stood up 'What!? What did he do to you!?' he shouted, clenching his fists and throwing them at non existent foes around him. That bastard, what the hell has he done to Squall!?
Squall looked at Zell in the eyes, then closed his own 'Please, Zell, sit down, and I can explain...you're making matters harder for me. So please, Zell...'
Zell stopped throwing around his fists, nodded and sat down next Squall. Then he waited for Squall to begin...

* * * * * * * * * *

You remember Zell, about 4 or 5 weeks ago? I think the date was the 28th. I can't forget that day now, thanks to Seifer. We were all trapped in the D-District Prison. I believe you, Selphie Quistis and Rinoa were all locked up in one of the cells, but I was put in one of my own cells at the top of the prison.
The night before, I had a dream about Laguna and Kiros. Now I wish I never woke up from my dream... even though the dream was about that bumbling clown, it was better then what was to come when I woke up. This was going to be one of the worst experiences of my life.
I woke up in my cell, and felt a horrible sickness. The place smelled terrible, but I'm not sure what of. It was a horrible musty smell, a smell I could not really describe
When I finally could get up, I naturally checked my chest for marks from Edea's ice attack the day before. Or was it two days before? Or three? I'd lost all view of time and space at that moment.
Anyway, I checked myself, and shockingly, I had no mark on my chest. No scar, no mark, not even a little cut. A pain suddenly hit my forehead, and I grabbed my head and sat up. I was feeling hot, sweaty, irritable and in pain. I needed to get out right now, I told myself. I have a slight fear of confined spaces ...
In a way, my prayer was answered as the huge door of the cell opened. The sliding door itself hit the side of the cell with a huge banging sound which really didn't help my head, and hurt my ears as well.
I peered up, looking at the man who stood in front of me. He stared at me oddly, his eyes showing no emotion for my pain which he could see I was feeling (he could seehands were touching my stomach and I had a look of pain on my face). I now had a real ache in my stomach. An ache and a sick feeling.
The man, that I know well as Seifer, now grinned down at me. His grey coat was slighty dirty, I guessed from the filth of these cells and and the prison in general. He flicked his blonde hair out of his eyes and suddenly grabbed me my the throat.
'Squall, you're pitiful.' he said, his huge grin shining right in my face. I coughed out of control from his tight grasp. Then he gestured to the weird orange creature behind me. He shouted at them 'Take him away!'
That moment, he threw me up against the cell walls. I felt like I was going to pass out any second, but I watched these orange creatures come up to me and 'escort' me out of the cell. That's when I passed out, the last thing I saw was Seifer's smirk.

When I woke, I was in a dark, eerie room. I tried to move, but all I heard was the sound of metal clinking together. I was tied up - chained up. I had no idea where I was, but I could feel I was hanging vertically. I struggled again, but I was getting no where.
Suddenly the room lit up, revealing Seifer holding his Gunblade in front of me. He was looking up at me, not grinning like before, but a look of disgust. I looked around franticly - I saw a guard standing next to a computer and HE was grinning. I looked at myself. Electrical wires were all around me, as well as the chains.
I didn't know what to do. I wanted to get the hell out of there. Deep down though , I felt something erotic about the whole situation. Seifer had me. He could do ...anything ... to me.
In frustration, I shouted at Seifer 'What do you want?!'
Seifer did a strange thing. He asked a strange question. A question I didn't understand. 'Tell me what SeeD is.' was plainly what he said.
I responded right away 'Shouldn't you know....?! You were attended the Garden as well.'
'I'm not a SeeD.' he said. Then he asked it over and over. What are SeeD? Tell me what the secret of SeeD is?! You must be told something! What is the real purpose of SeeD?
Inside, I screamed. This was driving me mad. I didn't know what SeeD was. Well I did know. A group of people trained by the Garden to use in special missions using para-magic and Guardian Force. And Seifer knew that. So he must think there was more to SeeD. Why did he want to know this? Why? Because the Sorceress wanted to know. She was using him like a dog and he didn't know it.
After a few minutes of me saying 'I don't understand the question..', Seifer gestured to his guard in the corner. That guard smirked again and flipped a switch.
I was electrocuted. I pain was unbearable. My legs and arms were limp after the electricity went through my body. Rather then feeling pain after wards, I felt numb. Every part of my body. I couldn't feel myself.
But I could feel myself when the guard pulled the switch again. I screamed out loud, and silently swore at Seifer. I would of sworn at him vocally if I could, but I was too weak to move my mouth.
'Ha!' he laughed 'That chicken wuss wouldn't last three seconds! Or that messenger girl, or the instructor!'
I pushed out my next words 'They're...all ...here, too?..' I stuttered.
Seifer told me how they all were here and would be tortured if I didn't speak up. But he said he didn't care if I didn't speak up because he wanted me to die...to feel pain. He said he had more in store for me...

* * * * * * * * * *

Zell swore and clenched his fists again 'Damn that fucking Seifer!'
Squall shook his head. ' I begged him not to hurt you...you all. I didn't want him to make you feel any pain. I didn't want you all to go for this. I was stupid, I should of know, what ever happened, he would try and hurt you too. But I tried ... I screamed at him and said I would do anything if he left you alone...'
Zell blinked at Squall in disbelief 'Squall...! You really care for us, don't you?!'
Squall sat silently, then spoke so quietly you could of missed what he said 'Of course, Zell. I care for you all. You're lives are worth so much more then mine..'
The denim-shorts wearing man suddenly put his arms around Squall - this time, not in a friendly hug, but a affectionate hug. The hug you would give to the person you loved. No, Squall! To me, your life is worth more then anythin'!
'Zell...' Squall let out, gasping and slowly talking his gloved hand into his. 'Let me continue.'

* * * * * * * * * *

From that point on, Seifer began talking about how he was going to blow up the Gardens, about Edea and about his 'Romantic Dream.' At that moment, I found out what that dream was. It was simple : to become a Sorceress Knight. I wanted to hurt him, so I said the most stupid thing.
'You're not a knight...Seifer...you're a...... torturer!'
Seifer looked up at me, this time his eyes looked like they were filling with tears and pain. I really hurt him - no, I hurt his pride..
"Wh... what did you say?!?!" Seifer gasped, throwing his Gunblade to the floor and gestured to his guard to pull the switch again - which he did. Yet again, pain filled my body.
My body ached - I couldn't move. And that was exactly the way Seifer wanted me.
He pulled the guard towards him, and told him to leave. I suddenly felt scared - so scared. Me, known as the 'lion' - meant to be brave and proud - scared. I was scared because I knew what he was going to do to me. In a sick way, I'd been wanting his, but also fearing it. I can't understand myself sometimes, either.
Seifer pulled all the chains and wires from me, and threw me to the floor. I couldn't struggle, because I couldn't even hardly move. Then what I feared, what I wanted, happened.
He got on top of me, and held me my the wrists to the floor. Not that he needed to. My body was tingling from the electrical currents and I was too weak, too tired.
He seemed to hover over my body for while, with strangely enough, no emotion in the look he gave. It was like a hollow look, like he could see right through me.
Then he moved his face close to my neck, softly breathing his cold breath on me. His lips met my neck, my lips... Even though I hate to admit this, I felt aroused by his kiss, his breath...and his touch. His ran his fingers along my chest, moving my grey tank top out of the way and pushing my black jacket slowly off my arms.
'Seifer..' was all I could say - no groan.
He touched my left nipple softly and kissed the other. Then he took my right nippe into his mouth and licked it, my nipples now erect. The feeling I was feeling now was driving me crazy. I didn't want this, not with Seifer. No, I wanted Seifer in the past, and now I was getting him. And it was feeling...I can't describe it. It was like I was telling him to get off me and fuck me at the same time. I wanted to get away as far was I could get away from him, but I also wanted to be as close as possible. I wanted to feel the pleasure that he could give me.

* * * * * * * * * *

'But I'm gay. Nor neither straight in that context. I believe I can fall in love with someone,male or female. So in a sense, you could call me bisexual. But, I disagree with that also. Zell, its very hard to explain...' Squall trailed off, and he looked a the floor again.
Zell's eyes were wide open and in shock. He gulped suddenly and touched Squall's gloved hand softly. 'If only I could tell you, Squall...' Zell thought, looking at the brown haired man 'If only...'
Squall looked up at Zell again 'If you are sickened, you can leave now Zell. I'm sorry...'
Zell stuttered and shook his head 'No--no, please, continue!' he coughed 'I can understand you perfectly, Squall..'
Squall nodded once again, and looked up into Zell's eyes. Those beautiful, crystal clear blue eyes. The way his hair was flicked backwards and that beautifully perfect, slightly muscular body.
He quickly looked away and stood up, letting go of the warmth of Zell's hand. As he walked towards in the window again, he continued with his depressing tale.
'So, I might as well tell you it all now, Zell...'

* * * * * * * * * *

...Seifer began to kiss my chest, slowly going downwards. As much as I wanted to hide my groans, I couldn't, and I let them out slowly - and loudly.
Seifer sat up and grinned at me 'You're enjoying this, ain't you?!' he said in that accent he always had 'To tell the truth, Squall, I've always wanted to fuck you...I hope you enjoy being fucked by a man, Squall.'
I coughed as he stopped talking and he began struggling with my belts. In seconds they were in the corner of the room, and a second after that Seifer's hands were pulling off my trousers. I flinched in both horror and arousal.
Seifer wrapped his fingers around my penis, and slowly began stroking me.
"Stop it..!' I let out, but I know I didn't mean it. I couldn't control my body as he touched me with such a intimate caress. I was only a man, after all. But I know that wasn't a excuse.
Seifer...the bastard.. laughed and said 'You want me to stop, Squall? Fine.' He pulled away his hand from my penis, and slowly ran up his tongue along my frail and weak upturned wrists. My fingers were slightly twitching, but enough for Seifer to notice.
'Oh, you really like this, Squall.' he let out as he headed up to my neck where he first kissed me. Seifer moved his mouth on my throat, and I remember a hot rush in my blood.
I was hungry for him. I knew it was going to happen, so why don't I at least enjoy it? But, as much as I wanted him, I was disgusted by him. I see there is such a small line between disgust and beauty, pain and pleasure.
By now I was gasping, aroused and my heart was beating quickly. Seifer noticed all these signs and grinned at me. I was starting to sweat - I was hot, but feeling sick.
Seifer ran his hands down me, right down to my penis. And by now, I was erect and so aroused by him I thought I was going to burst. He smoothed my erection and I shivered..... then suddenly grabbed him. My arms touched his back and his neck. I drew my knees up slightly, feeling extreme pleasure.
Seifer, though was as turned on as I was, acted like he had no feeling in this.
'You can't help yourself, Leonheart..' he hissed, slowly bending down. He licked my erection, the underside of my shaft...
It was getting to intense now : I ached my back and let my head full backwards, my hair wet with my hot sweat. Or was it his?
Seifer asked if I wanted to stop again. He knew the answer. I was nearly in pain, nearly on the verge of reaching my orgasm.
'Don't stop...no! Oh..fuck..' I groaned something along the lines of that. Sorry for my swearing, but I couldn't control myself.
Seifer nodded and paused for a moment, then took my lenth into his mouth. I felt his tongue, moving around quickly then slowly. Pulling it away, and then continuing.
I don't know what I was feeling. Pure ecstasy left my slightly parted lips, and the high, screamish groans continued.
Then, happened the point of no return. My hips began to thrust in a rhythm, Seifer still talking my penis in his mouth. Then.. what did the bastard do?
He got up, pulled away as I came on my own, sweat pouring off me and low groans leaving my lips. He watched me in pure fascination. My own semen splattered all over my stomach and was dripping off my thighs. The bastard smiled, put his fingers in a tiny white mark on my thigh, and as I watched him, he sucked it from his fingers.
And that was it. He wiped his mouth, and walked out the room. He came back with two guards who pulled me away and tossed me like a piece of crap into my cell. Thankfully, there was sink in the cell and I washed myself right off. Then I got into the cell's old rusty metal bed and sobbed. Before that, I had never cried - not that I can remember, anyway. And that night, In my dreams, I was haunted by Seifer.
The next day, to my distress, I was taken away to the torture chamber again. I was tortured by him again, and yes, I was raped again. Seifer wanted it different this time - this time I had those kisses that made me reach my orgasm, to Seifer. I remeber his words .. 'Suck me, Leonheart.' I was sickened...

* * * * * * * * * *

For once, Zell didn't swear, or get hyper. He didn't stand up and hit the wall in anger. And he didn't hit those no exsistant foes that filled the air. Instead, he peered at Squall, who still had his back to him. Oh my god, Squall...Oh my god...
'S-Squall....' he stuttered 'Why...why didn't you tell me?'
Squall turned around slowly, and said nothing. Zell looked up into Squall's eyes this time, though deep, dark ones. But, something was wrong with those eyes. Zell saw something he had never saw in him before. Squall was crying.
And a second later, Zell wrapped his arms around Squall and held him so close he could of stopped Squall breathing. Now he was crying, along with Squall, both of them wrapped up in each other.
Squall...I want to stay here with you... Zell said to himself ...That fucking bastard, Seifer, won't hurt you any more! I'll see to it! When I get to Seifer, I'm going to hurt him so bad...! I'm gonna smash him right in!
Squall suddenly stepped back their tight hold and stood in of the blonde boy 'I haven't finished my story, Zell.'
Zell blinked, and stared up at the taller man 'What? Oh, please Squall, if there's anythin' else that involves Seifer...' Zell suddenly swore at the thought of his name. '..then, I don't wanna hear it.'
Squall laughed slightly, wiping away his tears. 'No, Zell. Let me finish.'

* * * * * * * * * *

Days later, it seemed hopeless, any hope of escape. I was falling asleep, still tied tight to my chained.
But then, Selphie, Quistis and you, Zell, came for me. I slumped to the floor, but you were there for me. Zell you were there. You were the only person I wanted to see. No one else mattered.
I got to my feet, and we started our escape plan. I won't go into all that, as you were there to witness it as well. After meeting with Irvine and Rinoa, we were finally out.
After I got back to Balamb Garden with you and Quistis, we all shocked to find the fact that it could take off - and fly! And after that, we drifted endlessly for hours, days, weeks. Irvine, Selphie and Rinoa were last seen at the Galibadia Missile Base, and we still have not heard from them. I was worried - I still am.

Then, one day, after we had been drifting for nearly 3 weeks, and after all my worrying that I kept up inside me, I invited Zell into my room. He was a handsome guy, the same age as me, with the most amazing crystal blue eyes that I loved to gaze into. He was the one I love.
And there, in my room, I told him all my problems. And I confessed my love to him.

* * * * * * * * * *

'Squall...Squall...' Zell said, out of breath 'You...you...'
Squall nodded once, slowly. 'Yes, Zell, I love you.' He stood up and sat on the bed were Zell sat, and picked up his gloved hands. Squall took one of them and held it up to his cold cheek. 'Zell, I love you. And I can't control my feelings for you..'
Zell still sat totally in shock and in silence. Man, this can't be happening....but...it is happeninig!
A grin spread across Zell's face, and he stood up, clenching his fists not in anger, but in happiness.
'Ohhhhhhh YEAH!' he yelled, jumping into the air. Zell then turned, and pushed Squall back onto his bed with a smile on his face. He cuddled Squall there and then, muttering 'You really like me? You, Squall, the cold hearted, pain the ass likes me? The freaky, over acting Zell? You really like me?!'
Squall looked down at him again and nodded to himself 'Zell...why do you aleays ask such stupid questions?' Squall said, grinning 'Of course I love you. You're the ...guy of my dreams, Zell. Might sound cheesy, but its true.'
And silently, Squall muttered to himself ... 'If this is a dream, don't wake me up... Whatever you do, don't wake me up.'

THE END