Memorable Quotes from
American Pie
Finch: God bless the Internet.
[During sex.]
Stifler's Mom: Oh, Finch!
Finch: Oh... Stifler's Mom!
Michelle: One time, at band camp, I put my flute up my pussy. What,
you don't think I know how to get myself off?
Stifler: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the
shrink wrap, and fucking USE them!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful.
[During sex]
Michelle: What's my name?
Jim: Huh?
Michelle: Say my name, bitch!
Jim: MICHELLE!
Jim: I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful
woman masturbating on my bed.
Jim: You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They
probably have special dorms for people like us.
[At jazz choir rehearsal]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: So what'd you think?
Kevin: I thought you sounded really good.
Stifler: I think you need your balls reattached.
Victoria 'Vicky': I want it to be the right time, the right
place...
Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's SEX.
Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?
Jim's Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little
younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding
the old pud. [pause] I never did it with
baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6
times a day.