Part V

Reva: (calmly) Marah, please.

Marah stops and listens to her mother pleading.  Her back remains to Reva...

Reva: We don't have to live through it again.  I just want you to understand. 

Marah was still.

Reva: Sweetheart, I want this family back together as much as you do.  Probably more.

Marah: I doubt that, you have a whole other family out there.

Reva: Marah, this is my family.  This is where I belong.  Please.  Just listen to me.

Marah doesn't turn around, but she stays in her place.

Reva accepts Marah's position and proceeds.

Reva: Marah, right before your Daddy and I got married, I started to have memories of my past.  Memories that I now know were from San Cristobal and of Richard and Jonathan.

Marah stiffens as Reva notices her body change. Reva takes a breath and steps closer to her.

Reva: Sweetie, I didn't want to go to San Cristobal.  I didn't.  I was scared; I was so deathly scared of whatever the past held for me.  I didn't remember anything, just bits and pieces and nothing made any sense.  All I wanted to do was forget that anything ever happened and move on with our lives.  All of our lives.  I wanted to be legally married to your Daddy, I wanted to put everything in the past behind us and move forward.

Marah: So why didn't you?

Reva: Your daddy…

Marah: (cutting her off) Your gonna blame this in Daddy?

Reva: (startled) No, No, I'm not going to blame your Daddy for this.  It was…  Your Daddy, he convinced me that I needed to deal with my past before I, before we could move on.  And he was right.  There was something eating away at me.  At my heart.  It was longing to get out and be known.

Marah: Richard.

Reva: Yes, Richard.  But not just Richard.  Everything.  Years of my life that I had lost.

Marah: Years that you left us.

Reva: (regretfully) Unfortunately, yes.

Marah: You know it was bad enough living without you for five years, but then you had to go back.  You had to go back like it was what you wanted.  It's probably still what you want.

Reva: That's not true, Marah.

Reva walks closer to Marah and tries to touch her.  Marah pulls away swiftly and takes a step towards the stairs.  Reva searches for the words to break through to her daughter.

Reva: It isn't true, Marah.  What I want, right now, is for us to be a family… you and your brother and your Daddy.  I want us all here, together.

Marah abruptly turns to finally face her mother.

Marah: Then why did you go back to Richard!?  Why did you have to go back to him!

Reva: Marah, I didn't…

Marah: Yes you did!  You went back to him and you left Daddy.  You left Daddy!  How was he supposed to stay around when you hanging all over your stupid Prince?  I don't blame him for leaving, you deserve to be alone!

Reva: (taking a breath) I don't blame him for leaving either.

Marah: Then what are you doing?  I don't understand what you are doing to us.

Reva: I'm not doing anything to us.  I am trying to put this family back together again, but your Daddy…

Marah: No, you are not going to blame Daddy again.

Reva: (screaming) Your Daddy was the one that said he would stand by me through this whole ordeal.  Your Daddy was the one that promised that no matter what I found out in my past, we would be okay.  He swore to me that he would stay with me forever and now… now, he's…

Marah is taken back by Reva's comments.  Even though she had accused her of doing so, she had never actually heard her mother blame her father for anything, let alone this.

Reva: (beginning to sob) I'm sorry, sweetie.  I didn't mean to say that.  I didn't…

For the first time, Marah noticed her mother's sadness.  She finally saw the pain in her eyes.

Marah: (concerned) Daddy said those things?

Reva: Of course he did, sweetie.  And he meant them, I know he did.  I just don't think he realized what exactly what was going to happen when we found out the truth.  Your Daddy is so strong, Marah.  He is the most amazing man I will ever know, but sometimes he…  he tries too hard to make things positive and happy.  I'm not saying that is a bad thing, he has picked me up more times than I can remember.  He is so reassuring and wonderful that sometimes I forget and put my guard down and just when I do, something happens.  Something happens and our whole world falls apart.

Marah: I don't understand.

Reva: I'm sorry.  I know I'm not making any sense.  Let me try and simplify this.  Simple.  (she snickers)  That's something we'll never be, huh.

Marah lets a small smile form.  Noticing this, Reva decides to invite Marah back to the couch to sit.  Marah questions her for a moment, but then joins her mother.

Reva: When I went to San Cristobal, I had no idea what to expect.  I had no idea that I would find out about Richard and Jonathan.  Your Daddy and I went, and we promised each other that no matter what we found out, we would deal with it.  Together.  I never expected in my wildest dreams that I lead a whole other life, that I was an entirely different person.  And because of circumstances, your Daddy and I couldn't be together while I was reliving all of this.  At first, Richard's government was making him stay away.  And later on, I will admit, it was me.  As much as I love your father, I knew that with him around, I could never find out the truth about my past.  I could never allow myself to be open to my feelings, whatever they were.

Marah: So you sent Daddy away?

Reva: Yes, I sent him away.  He didn't want to go, he refused to leave me, and I honestly didn't want him to leave, but I knew it was for the best.  I knew the sooner I found my past, the sooner I found Jonathan that we could move on with our lives.  This family.  My real family.

Marah: So then what?

Reva: (pleased that Marah is listening) So then I began to get my memories back as Catherine.  I started to remember being Catherine, I started to remember her life.

Marah: But she was you.

Reva: No.  She wasn't.

Marah: What are you talking about?

Reva: Sweetie, Catherine was someone I became when I didn't know who I really was.  I didn't know the woman I that I am, Reva Shayne Lewis.  Your mother.

Marah: But you became her, so you were her.  You are confusing me.

Reva: I'm sorry, sweetie.  I know this is confusing.  Catherine was a part of me and will always be a part of me, part of my past.  But I'm not her anymore.  I am not Catherine anymore.  I am not in love with Richard.  I am Reva.  I am your mother and I am in love with your father.  He is the only man I have ever truly loved.  That I have loved, not Catherine.  As far as I am concerned, Catherine is dead.  She doesn't exist any longer, except in our memories.

Marah: But if she didn't exist, why did you have to go back to Richard.  Why did you have to leave Daddy to go to him.

Reva: Because I was really mixed up.

Marah: That's all you have to say.  You were really mixed up.

Reva: It's certainly not as simple as that.

Marah: So tell me.  If you weren't Catherine, if you aren't Catherine, then what is the big deal?

Reva: (trying to piece things together in her own mind) Because part of me thought I was Catherine.

Marah: Now you aren't making any sense.  You just said…

Reva: Let me explain, please.  (Marah nods slightly)  Reliving my life as Catherine was such an intense experience.  It was like I was an actress in some bizarre play about someone else's life.  It overcame me.  The memories of her life came flooding back so quickly, I didn't have time to take them all in.  And I became very confused.  Very confused.  I wasn't able to understand who I was supposed to be or where I was supposed to be.  Suddenly I had two lives, one with Richard and one with your Daddy and I didn't know what to do.  I knew in my heart that I was supposed to be with your Daddy.  That never changed.  Never.  But my mind kept throwing me back at Richard.  It was like I didn't have any peace with what had happened.  No closure.  Does that make sense?

Marah: Yeah, a little.

Reva: (smiling) Good.  So I'm not going to get into what all happened in San Cristobal.  We'll save that story for sometime to tell your kids.  But what did happen when I left.  Your Daddy came.  He broke through security and he came and he rescued me.  He saved my life.

Marah: You were in that much danger.

Reva: (realizing what she said) A little danger.  But it didn't matter because your Daddy was there.  He took care of me.

Marah: And then you left to come home.  Back to us.

Reva: Well, not immediately.  But everything did happen that quickly.

Marah: What did?

Reva: Jonathan.  (she hesitates)  Your brother.  He was in great danger.  And I wanted so much to let him stay with Richard, or to come home and be with us, but he couldn't.  I had to let him go.  I had to let him go with his adoptive parents for his own safety, but I didn't involve Richard in that decision.  And that was wrong of me.

Marah: But if he was in danger?

Reva: But Jonathan was his son too.  He should have had a say in his future.  So I let Jon go.  I let him go with his parents and I left, without saying a word to Richard.  And I felt so guilty for that Marah. So guilty that when I arrived home, I felt like I owed him something.

Marah: So that's why you went back to him?

Reva: I didn't go back to him, honey.  But my feelings for him were very cloudy.

Marah: Catherine's feelings.

Reva: Yes, Catherine's.  I was sharing her emotions along with my own and that's where all the trouble started.

Marah: With Daddy.  That's why Daddy couldn't stay… because he didn't understand.

Reva: (starts to tear again) That's why he couldn't stay.  He just couldn't live with only part of me here.  And I don't blame him for that.  I can't.

Marah: But why didn't he stay by you like he promised he would?

Reva: He couldn't sweetie.  It was tearing him up inside. We were turning on one another… and we were scared that if we didn't walk away from one another our love would turn into hate.

Marah: You still love Daddy, don't you?

Reva: With all my heart, honey, and it took me a while to sort through the guilt and other emotions to realize that.

Marah: Why didn't you tell Daddy?

Reva: Your daddy wouldn't believe me right now if I told him the earth was round.

Marah: But if you are telling the truth?

Reva: I wish it were that simple... I broke the trust that was between us and that is hard to fix.

Marah: So what do you do next?  I don't understand, if you and Dad love each other so much still, I'm sorry Mama, I just don't get it

Reva: I don't get it either honey.  I do know that living with me hasn't been easy and your dad is tired of it...or thinks he is. All I know is he says he wants to move on with life without me. I guess he thinks he can find someone who he can live with who won't cause him so much pain.

After much silence, Marah speaks.

Marah: Mom?

Reva: Yes, honey?

Marah: (hanging her head) I'm.... I'm sorry. I didn't mean.... (Reva interrupts)

Reva: (lifts her head up and looks into her eyes) Sweetie-pie, you have nothing to be sorry for.

Marah: But I...

Reva: (cutting her off again) No. My beautiful daughter, I haven't been honest with you about so much of this and I am sorry. I just didn't want to hurt you or upset you anymore than you already are. I just... I don't know. I guess I am finally learning that the more I try to not hurt my family the more I actually do....

Reva begins to tear a bit... but she is strong, strong for her daughter. After a moment, Marah looks in her eyes and sees all the pain, etc.

Marah: It's okay, Mom. It is. I think I understand why you did what you did.

Marah reaches out to hold her mother as the two embrace.  Reva is shocked by the gesture at first, then grateful to finally have someone believe her.  But this isn't just someone; this is her daughter, her and Joshua's daughter.  At least nothing can ever change that.

Marah and Reva continue to hug for a while when Marah breaks free and breaks the silence.

Marah: So can I ask you something?

Reva: Anything, sweetie.

Marah: (pauses) What happened last night?

Reva doesn't even begin to know how to explain the evening with her daughter, but she has made a pact to be honest.

Reva: We had a wonderful evening together.

Marah: So then why isn't he here?  Why aren't you back together?

Reva: It's not as easy as that, unfortunately.  Being together didn't solve our problems, it just pushed them aside for a while.

Marah: But if…

Reva:  There is just so much we have to work through.  And it is going to take time.  A lot of time. But Marah, I don't want you to say anything to your father...that isn't why I told you this.

Marah: Then why did you tell me?

Reva: I wanted you to know the truth.  Because… because I didn't want you to be ashamed of me.  But mostly because I don't want you thinking that I was out with some man to ease my pain.  I NEVER want you to feel the need to be with a man to make you feel better.  Only love can make you feel better, real love.   Even though sometimes, it hurts just as much.

Marah: I know he still loves you.

Reva: I know that too.  And I know that will never change, just like our love for you and Shayne.

Marah: So we have have hope right?  It will just take time.  We will be a family again; I know it.

Reva: Yeah, sweetie. I think I know it too. (Reva hugs Marah)