Part IV

Reva sobbed as she raced to the elevator.  Hiding her tears, she prayed no one saw her.

Damn him, she thought.  What gives him the right to judge her?  She wasn't perfect; he knew that better than anyone.  He was also the first to call her on that mere fact.

Reva: Damn you, Joshua Lewis.  If I am so difficult to live with, … then why… why did you have to copy me?  (Reva closed her eyes in disbelief that she had managed to bring that nightmare up again.)  It's true though.  You say I'm so damned unforgettable, yet… damnit, Joshua.

Reva slid into her car several minutes later thankful that no one she knew had seen her. Tears slid down her cheeks as she cursed herself for letting him get to her.  Again.

Reva: (trying desperately to wipe her tears) I can't believe I let him… I just… Why?  (She looks to the heavens) Why do I have to love him so damn much!?  Why am I so drawn to a man that is so damn stubborn… Why did I have to fall in love with him?  Why did I have to give my life to him?!  Why did he have to ruin my life by loving me!?  (She drops her head in shame for a moment then looks back up)  I'm sorry.  I didn't say that.  I didn't mean that.  I am thankful for my life and his love, our love.  But does it have to be this frustrating all the time?  Just when we think we have peace, when we think everything is worked out, and we are back in each other's arms… something always has to happen.  Always. (Laughs) Always.   (She dries her eyes)  At least the kids aren't home tonight.  I look like hell and I can only imagine what they would think.

She finally got the composure to take the drive home.  All the way she remained deep in thought, trying to figure out how they would ever get through this mess together.  They had to end up that way, together.

Reva stopped in front of the door.  It hurt every time she had to go into the house knowing Joshua no longer lived there. This time, it neared devastation.  She sighed briefly as she placed the key into the door and opened it slowly.  She didn't turn on the lights, but walked directly to the stairs. 

Reva slowly walked into the house and towards the stairs.

"Mom?" a voice called out from the darkness.

Reva stopped, closed her eyes and prayed that she wasn't about to face an interrogation. Reva turned towards the living room to see Marah standing there.

Reva: Marah, you startled me. (dabbing her red eyes) Did you have a good time with your friends? I didn't expect you home so early.

Marah: I came home early--- Hard to have a good time when your world is falling apart.

Reva: (finally noticing Marah's hurt) Oh sweetie… I'm so sorry that what is going on between your dad and I is hurting you so much.

Marah shrugs off her mom's concern and changes the subject. Her parents' separation wasn't one of her favorite topics.

Marah: (looking at her mother's attire) You have a hot date last night?

Reva: (startled) What?

Marah: (goading) I figured since Richard is in town…

Reva: (confused) Richard's in town?

Marah: (sarcastic) Like you didn't know.

Reva: (exhausted) Marah, honey, I really didn't -- Besides, if Richard is in town, it certainly isn't to see me and I haven't run into him.  I'm sure they are staying at the farm, why don't you give your aunt Cassie a call and go see her?

Marah:  Don't you want to see your Prince?

Reva: He's not my Prince, honey, and hasn't been for a long time.

Marah: Whatever.

Reva: (snickers) Yeah, whatever.

Marah: I'm sure your Prince would be happy to see you, especially dressed like this.

Reva: (trying to ignore her comment and end the conversation) Honey, I don't have any desire to see Richard or Cassie right now.

Marah: Ashamed? Don't want them to know you're… you're ....

Reva:  (sharply turns back to look straight at Marah) I'm what?!  (Marah quickly shuts down)  What don't I want them to know? (Marah stays silent) You think I am going back to playing the role of town tramp and I don't want anyone I know to find out? (Tired of playing the role of family villain)  It's not like I want to be single again. But, since I am, where I was last night is none of your business or anyone else's for that matter. I can be with whoever I dam... whoever I want to be with.

Reva turns around and begins to walk up the stairs.  Marah, without thinking, continues to pry.

Marah: (smart) Anyone I know?  (she regrets the words as soon as they come out of her mouth).

Reva has made her way up three stairs when she halts.  Her back stiffens as she longs to tell her daughter the truth.

Marah stands at the bottom of the stairs, trembling.  Partially because she is afraid of what her mother might say, but mostly because she is upset.  Reva pauses to deliberate her answer, if she does answer.  She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.  Making the difficult decision to ignore her daughter, Reva begins up the stairs again.

Marah is dumbfounded that her mother would blatantly ignore her as she freezes to her spot.

Reva is almost to the top of the stairs when Marah cries out.

Marah: What are you so ashamed of?  Why can't you even tell me?  I am your daughter!

Reva once again stopped in her tracks, but this time her actions were clear.  She had to be honest.  She had to tell Marah the truth.

Reva slowly turned around to face her daughter from the top of the stairs.  Her look is one of pure sorrow.  She descended the stairs as Marah looks on, watching her take each step, one by one.  Marah became even more tense as she pondered what exactly her mother would say next.

As Reva slowly approaches her daughter, she looks her directly in the eyes and with complete honesty, replies.

Reva: Your father.  I was with your daddy last night.

Marah's fright turns to confusion and finally complete disgust.

Marah: (staring at her mother with loathing eyes) I cannot believe you!

Reva has braced herself for her daughter's reaction.

Reva: That's one of the reasons I didn't tell you.

Marah: How can you really think I would believe you?  You were out partying with some strange man and now you want to make me feel better so you are telling me that it was Daddy.  You aren't just a slut; you're a liar.

Marah's words cut Reva like a knife.  As if her evening weren't bad enough, now she has to get into things with her daughter.  She is too tired to fight, especially with her own daughter, the young woman so much like herself.  Reva digs deep within herself to find the strength to see this potentially disastrous conversation through.  Somehow, she has to make Marah understand.

Reva: Marah, I know that you have been upset…

Marah: Upset?  You think I'm upset?  You have turned my world upside down because of your little flings and you think I'm just upset?!  I am way past upset.

Reva: Sweetie…

Marah: NO!  I'm not going to stand here and listen to you lie to me.  Especially about this.  Not about Daddy, I won't.

Marah begins to run up the stairs.  Reva quickly grabs her by the arm, not allowing her to move forward.

Reva: (sternly) Yes, you will.

Marah stares at her mother with loving eyes, masked greatly by hate.

Marah: You can't…

Reva:  (surprisingly calm) You and I are going to have a talk.  A talk we should have had a long time ago.

Marah wants to leave, but somehow her curiosity has gotten the best of her.  She pulls her arm harshly away from her mother as Reva motions for her to come into the living room and sit.  Marah hesitates.  Inside, she wants to believe her mother, but all the signs tell her not too.  Her heart tells her to give her a chance.

Marah: (unpleasant) Fine.

Marah walks over to the couch and abruptly sits down.  Reva is standing over her, trying to find the words.  Searching for the right thing to say.

Reva: I don't even know where to begin.

Marah: It doesn't matter.  I just want the truth.

Reva:  Well, I gave you that, but you don't believe me, so…

Marah: It wasn't….

Reva: (closing her eyes and holding her hand up) Don't.  Just listen.  Please.

Marah replies by folding her arms and sitting back on the couch.

Reva: (watching Marah's reaction)  (She replies lovingly) You are so much like your father.  Do you know that?

Marah barely reacts.  She refuses to make eye contact with her mother.

Reva: (pressing on) Of course you know.  You're his girl.  You will always be his little girl.  I remember that first day he looked into your eyes.  Something came alive inside of him.  Something that I had never seen before, in all our time together.  He had a new glimmer in his eyes, and it's never gone away.  Even when I look at him today, no matter how infuriated he is with me, I can still see that glimmer.  It gives me hope, you know? (Reva pauses) You have that same glimmer.  And even now, (she bends down to look at Marah) I can see it.

Marah has been softening this entire time with the comparison to her father.  When Reva gets closer to her, she wants to look away, but she can't any longer.  This is her mother and as much as she doesn't want to admit it right now, she loves her.

Reva stays close to Marah, looking at her face, waiting for some sort of reaction.  Marah finally looks up, with tears in her eyes to see her mother smiling.

Reva: See. (wiping Marah's tears) There it is.

Marah lets Reva wipe her tears as she quietly tries to find the truth.

Marah: (softly) You were with daddy? Do you really expect me to believe that?

Reva: (sighing) No, honey, I don't expect you to believe anything that I say these days but it is the truth.

Marah: (starting to believe her; wanting to believe her) Why should I believe you?

Reva: I've been as honest as I know how to be.

Marah stops to think for a moment, attempting to gather her thoughts as Reva allows her time to do so.  She can't help but smile at her daughter, reveling in what an incredible young woman she has become.

Marah: I want to believe you.  It's just… It's…

Reva: It's hard… I know.  I know, sweetie.  And it doesn't make any sense.  Why would something like this happen?  I honestly don't know myself.

Marah: It's just… you and Daddy have been apart for so long.  And I want you to be together so badly.  So it's just so hard to understand.  (Marah starts to lightly cry).  I just want us to be a family again.  Everything was perfect, and then… and then…

Reva: And then I went and messed everything up, didn't I?

Marah: I didn't say that.

Reva: I know you didn't, but it's okay.  It's okay to think that, because I did screw a lot of things up.  And I don't know how to prove to you that everything I did was for this family.

Marah: (starting to get angered again) How can you say that?!  You just wanted to be with Richard, how can that be for our family?

Reva: (reaching for words) Maybe we should just start from the beginning.

Marah: No, I don't think so. (Marah gets up to leave)  I've lived through it once, I'm not about to do it again.