Significant Other

The show ER and all characters and situations borrowed from it are property of Constant-C, NBC, Warner Bros., etc. This fanfiction is for entertainment only, and no money is made from it. The story contains graphic scenes and words that may offend some readers, and as such, is not appropriate for children under 18. This story is not to be archived or distributed without the permission of the author.

Stories in the series can be found in chronological order at:

http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Studio/5437/jordan.htm

Stories in the series:

A Clean Break; Stages of Ending; Retribution; Covenant; Tap-dance; Free Falling; Blink of an Eye; Vivisection; Keepsakes; In the Steam; Through the Night; Cornerstone; Domesticity; Caretaker; To CH; The Empty Space; Tenderhearted; Intoxicated; The Present; Summit; The Harbor, Part I; The Harbor, Part II; Transition Game; Expectations; Joint Venture; Kiss of Life; Residuum; Aftermath; Letters Never Sent; Wonderful Things; The Mere Fragrance; Walking the Tightrope; Vernal Equinox; Bits of Broken Glass; What it's Not; Ayant Seulement L'Imagination; Culmination; Tidings of Comfort; Parallel Hearts; Visitation Rites; Wee Small Hours; Barometric Pressure; The Emerald City; A Peaceable Start; Mother's Day, Spilling Forth, Significant Other

My thanks to Ruth, Lisa, and Shelby for their assistance and advice regarding this story, and especially for the good humor that comes along with it.

Significant Other

by Jordan

jturner36@juno.com

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I've got eyes they call beguiling

A string of cultured pearls

And my lips are always smiling,

I'm not one of those moody girls

I've studied cooking in a French café

Was Ballanchine's last protégée?

A one-time runner-up Miss USA

What has she got that I haven't got?

Why am I not the girl who makes your heart go dancing?

Who stars in all your dreams?

She's everything you want and I'm just me

What has she got that I haven't got?

I've got a bed that's warm

I've got a room that's sunny

Kisses so honey sweet

I've tried everything to sweep you off your feet

Do you like her kind of trouble?

Does she bring you to your knees?

Have I been playing you all wrong?

Always trying to please you....

What has she got that I haven't got?

What has she got?

She's got you.

- Carly Simon/Michael Kosaria /Jacob Brackman

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was late by the time they arrived at Doug's house from the airport, and the girls had fallen asleep in the car. Doug and Carol unpacked the trunk, removing the stroller and suitcases, and then carried the babies inside, still sleeping in their car seats. There in the front hallway were two port-a-cribs and two high chairs with a note attached. Carol stepped over and picked the note up, reading it aloud: "Hi, Doug, Carol, Tess and Kate. Welcome home! These cribs and high chairs are on loan from Patti and Laurie. Hope you have everything you need. We put some milk, cheese, lunchmeat and eggs in the fridge, and some baby food and a loaf of bread on the counter. Look forward to seeing you/meeting you soon! Beth and Alan."

"I'm glad she stopped by. I would've had to run out to the store, I didn't have any food," Doug admitted.

"That was nice of them," Carol said evenly. "How'd she get in?"

"She had a key -- when she was painting the girls' room, I just gave her a key so she could come and go whenever she needed to. I guess I need to get it back one of these days."

"Yeah, I guess so," Carol responded stiffly. "Let's get these cribs up so they can get to sleep. Should we put them in their room?"

"Sure," Doug agreed.

They set the cribs up quickly, hoping the girls would stay asleep while they worked, and they did. When their room was all ready, Carol and Doug took them out of their car seats, changed their diapers, and then Carol nursed them in the dimly-lit living room before tucking them into their borrowed cribs.

"They were wiped out," Carol commented as she closed the door behind them. "I am, too."

"Want a sandwich, and maybe some soup?" he asked.

"That sounds great."

They worked together in the kitchen, Carol making their sandwiches while Doug found a can of soup to heat up, and afterward, they piled the dishes, pots, and glasses into the sink, leaving them for the morning.

"Good enough for now. Bedtime?" he asked, smiling as he took her into his arms and hugged her.

"Yeah," she answered, happy to be home with him.

*****

Carol awoke slowly. As happened on her last trip to Seattle, the sunlight that broke through the blinds and splashed atop her pillow forced the issue. She groaned and turned away from it, but was alert enough to listen vigilantly for any signs of life in the house. It was quiet, except for the hum of the dishwasher running through its cycle in the kitchen. Feeling happy, she lazily clutched her pillow and remembered the previous night. It had been wonderful to sleep once again in his bed, to roll over and cuddle him, laying an arm over his warm chest and feeling him pull her body into his, even as he slept. She was as contented as she'd ever been, and was sorry she hadn't woken up with him. Kicking off the covers, she climbed out of bed and looked out the window. There, silhouetted against the glare of the shimmering lake was a figure sitting on the dock, legs corralling his two charges. Four little hands extended toward the water and in response to their reach, two strong, tanned arms held on tighter.

She dressed quickly and opened the door, pulling her sweater around her body, taking a deep breath of the fresh, clean air. Carol could scarcely contain her delight when she looked at him with his girls. What had it been? Two weeks? In that short time, she realized what a gift he was to them. To her. Every moment he was with them, she learned something different about him. He had an infinite patience with them, a need to teach them, to show them new and wonderful things. He was a natural father, always laughing with them, gently setting limits, encouraging their imaginations. Was it because he was a pediatrician that he was so at ease, so loving with them, or did he become a pediatrician because he'd always known how to nurture kids? Carol shook her head, remembering when she told Mark that Tess and Kate deserved a father. She was wrong. They deserved *their* father.

His voice was amplified by the lake, and she could hear him clearly, even from the lawn. "The water is cold, but it's clean and you guys can swim in it when you're bigger," he was telling his daughters. "I know I told you we could feed the ducks every day, but we really shouldn't. Just every once in a while. They need to eat the plants in the lake. That's best for them." He heard Carol's laugh and turned to her, smiling. "Good morning, sleepyhead. I heard you get up with them during the night."

"Yeah, they nursed, I dozed." She bent over and kissed the back of his neck.

Doug chuckled. "Then, I hope we didn't wake you too early this morning."

"No, you didn't. Good morning, Kate," she said, sitting down next to Doug on the blanket he'd brought with him, kissing their youngest as well. "And, good morning, Tess. Did you girls have a good rest?"

"They did, but you need to explain time zones to them," Doug insisted. "They were up for good at 5 a.m."

She shook her head and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I didn't even hear them. I'm sorry, I would have gotten up."

"Nah, that's okay, it was my turn anyway. They had a little juice, and a little cereal, and we've been talking."

"Really? About what?"

"Well," Doug began, talking to the girls as much as he was talking to Carol, "we've decided that we need to put a fence up around this house before they start walking. It's too dangerous without it."

"Wow, yeah. I haven't even thought that far ahead."

"I hadn't, either, until I had them outside here," he acknowledged.

"Ba-ba-ba!" Tess exclaimed, reaching out to the ducks again.

"Duck, Tess, that's a duck!" Carol crooned, stretching to take their oldest into her arms. "Daddy even put a jacket and hood on you guys," she added, approvingly.

"Daddy didn't want Mommy yelling at him," Doug said quietly into Kate's ear, but Kate was busy watching her mother and sister.

"I swear, she gets jealous," Carol proclaimed.

Doug laughed, giving Kate a good-natured squeeze. "It's that sibling rivalry thing. You must have had it, right? With your sisters?"

"Yeah, big time," Carol admitted, with a soft smile of remembrance. "They were always ragging on me because I was the baby of the family."

"Well, it's not so bad being the baby of the family. Think of poor Kate, here. She'll be a middle child one day," he added, playing with the baby's hands. "That's even worse."

"You think?" she asked, surprised at his off-the-cuff prediction.

"What?" he asked, glancing at her.

"That we'll have more kids?"

He shrugged, realizing that he had unwittingly broadcast his thoughts. "Oh, I dunno.

I...I guess, I...."

Carol grinned. "What?"

"I guess maybe one day I'd like to if, you know, if you would." He nodded after the fact, as if to verify his feelings.

She smiled and turned Tess around, kissing her cheeks, pondering many things.

*****

Doug tried to work from the house that day, fielding telephone calls and typing on his laptop, finalizing notes from his Oakland trip. His good intentions, though, were thwarted because he kept leaving his downstairs office to go up and play with the girls or visit with Carol. She kept busy by organizing some of his drawers and cabinets while watching the girls. After a thorough inventory of his shelves, she drew up a shopping list.

"You hardly have any food here, Doug," she observed. "We'll need a marathon session at the store just to stock up on the basics."

"I'm usually gone, so I don't keep much here," he apologized.

"...And...?" she asked, raising an eyebrow in mock admonition.

He laughed. "And I don't cook all that much. I'll take you to the store whenever you want to go."

After their naps, Carol took the girls on a long walk. It wasn't just for their benefit; she wanted to look around the neighborhood as well. The designs of the houses varied, but the lots were similar to Doug's, with generous tree cover and wide lawns that drew the eye to the lake. She walked for a long time until Tess began fussing to get out. Carol was quiet upon their return, seeing that Doug was on the phone. When he saw her come in, he motioned her over. "Hang on." He covered the receiver, directing his attention to Carol. "It's Beth. You wanna meet her and Alan tonight? We can invite them over for a barbecue."

Carol hedged. "But...we have no food. I'm...Doug, we just got here last night."

He shrugged, unconcerned. "I can go out. It's no big deal. Steak, we'll put some potatoes in foil on the grill, make a salad."

"Sure," she agreed, smiling faintly. "That'd be great."

"Good. Hey, 'Liz-Beth?" he drawled playfully as he talked into the phone. "You guys wanna come over tonight? Yeah, we'll cook out. No, don't, just come on over. Six, maybe? Okay, see ya later."

Doug hung up and turned to Carol. "I'm glad you'll get to meet her. Alan, too."

Her eyes momentarily downcast, she felt mildly troubled. "Well, I...I just wish I had more time, you know, to get ready, to straighten up the house."

He waved her off. "Beth's seen this house at its worst. We don't have to impress her."

"At its worst?" she asked, wondering just how many times Beth was there.

"Sure, when the kitchen was covered in grease and the walls were filthy. The yard was overgrown."

Carol nodded. "You want me to go to the store with you?" she asked.

"Nah, these guys look like they're ready to crash. I'll go," he groaned, pulling himself out of his seat.

"Take my list," she reminded him, and he did, giving her a quick kiss before he walked out the door.

*****

The moment he left, Carol changed the girls' diapers and put them down for a nap. She didn't waste time, but dashed into the shower to clean up. She shaved her legs, shampooed and conditioned her hair and then, clad only in a fluffy towel, spent about 10 minutes tweezing her eyebrows. She looked at herself critically in the mirror. The dark circles and bags that had been under her eyes were gone, she noted, and her skin was clear. "Good," she said aloud. "Not that it matters, I guess."

Using her diffuser, she gently dried her hair until every soft curl was defined and in place. She fastidiously applied moisturizer, then foundation, dotting it on and blending it until her skin looked flawless. Taking care, she made up her eyes, sweeping black mascara over her lashes, and then applied her blush with a light hand. Finally, using lip-liner, she outlined her lips, and then finished with a berry-colored lipstick.

"Not bad," Carol said, appraising her image before walking back into the bedroom to look through her clothes. She hadn't brought much. Of course she had packed a pretty dress for the wedding later on in the week, but the rest of her clothes were casual. After much deliberation, she finally settled on a black tank top and a pair of khakis. She found her sandals, but realized with a touch of regret that her toenails weren't polished. Too late, she knew, because Tess was calling to her from her crib.

"Ready or not, here I come." Carol sighed as she went to rescue her.

*****

Doug came home with armload after armload of grocery bags. "I could use some help here!" he called from the kitchen.

"Just a minute," she responded as she finished dressing Kate. "You guys look adorable," she said, smiling. "I hope we make a good impression."

Carol walked into the kitchen with a girl on each hip. "Are there more bags in the car?" she asked.

His back was to her as he unpacked the bags. "No, this is it, but I could use a hand with...." He stopped talking as she came into view. His eyes swept over her appreciatively, with a tantalizing hint of desire. "What have we here? Look at you." He smiled and put the lettuce down on the counter. "Put those baby girls down and come here, you."

She complied, carefully placing the girls down onto the wooden floor, and walking into his arms. "Did I do okay?"

"Well...let's just say I hope Alan doesn't change his mind about marrying Beth when he sees you. I'm going to have to fend the guys off here in Seattle, I see, just like I did in Chicago." His arms surrounded her and he kissed her as she held him tightly.

"I'm a little nervous," she shared with him as she snuggled into his arms.

"About what?" he asked, leaning back to see her. "Meeting Beth?"

"I guess."

"Don't be. She's great, you'll like her."

"I'm sure I will. I've just heard so much about her; I know she's a good friend of yours. I want to make a good impression," Carol explained.

"You will," he assured her.

*****

Carol was not at all prepared for what came through the door. In fact, the first few minutes and their introductions went by in blur. She remembered, after the fact, shaking hands with Alan and Beth, remembered hearing lots of laughter, taking presents from Alan for the girls, and answering a question or two, but her attention was fixated on this gorgeous creature with the silky voice.

"She is stunning," Carol thought to herself. Beth's eyes were a deep, sparkling blue, and her lashes were long and lush. Her smile was generous, her lips were full and soft looking, and her rich brown hair was short and thick. Beth wore a tight-fitting blue shirt, molded to her rounded breasts, and a pair of shorts that showed off her small waist and curvy hips. Her body, Carol realized as she tried to snap out of it, was perfect.

"Oh, my god! Doug, they're beautiful!" Beth exclaimed, seeing the twins sitting in the living room. Beth walked over and bent down, smiling at them.

"Thanks, Beth," he said. "Alan, come check out the beer," Doug offered, leaving Carol and Beth alone in the living room.

"Um...you might want to hold back," Carol said, watching Beth near the babies. "Kate's usually afraid of strangers."

But Kate, with a mind of her own, smiled at Beth and rocked forward, her hands in front of her, trying in vain to settle into a crawling position. Tess looked on, impressed at her sister's maneuver.

"Do they crawl yet?" Beth asked.

"No, they don't," Carol answered, miffed that Kate would make a liar out of her.

"C'mon, sweet girl," Beth encouraged her. Kate rocked back and forth, making no real progress. She finally sat back down on her bottom and raised her hands up to Beth. "Oh, you *are* sweet," Beth purred as she picked up Kate and held her closely. Kate grinned and reached up, grabbing a handful of Beth's hair. "Ah, you're strong, too!" Beth laughed, disentangling the baby's hand and giving her a hug. "Oh, smell her! Do all babies smell this good?" she asked.

"When their diapers aren't poopy, sure," Carol replied.

"Beth, you want a Manhattan?" Doug called from the kitchen.

"Absolutely!" she answered, putting Kate down. "I've neglected Tess, here, haven't I? How are you, Tess?" Tess smiled, too, and Beth got down on the floor to get a better look at the two of them. "For some reason, I thought they were identical, but they're not. Which one was born first?"

"Tess," Carol said. "Doug, can I have a glass of wine?" she called out to him, then turned back to Beth. "Tess was born, then a few hours later, I had a section with Kate."

Beth shook her head.. "I can't imagine how difficult it must have been. Did you have any help?"

Carol hedged, unwilling to open up to this stranger, but finally responded, "Enough, yeah. My mom was always around."

Beth considered Carol's answer for a moment, and decided not to press the issue. She turned back to the twins. "You are both really adorable."

Carol joined her daughters on the floor. "Here, here, let me help you guys open your presents." She sat on the floor with them and started to tear off the wrapping as Tess watched Kate grab fistfuls of paper.

"We didn't want to get them the same thing," Beth explained. "We figured this way they could sort of share, you know...it's like getting two different toys so they could switch off."

"This is great, thanks," Carol said, smiling as the girls pawed their new possessions. "Oh, Beth!" she exclaimed. "I totally forgot! Thank you for their room. It's beautiful. They love it. Oh, I must seem so rude not thanking you before."

"No, not at all." Beth smiled, truly pleased as she stroked Tess' hair. "It was my pleasure."

"It's not just them. I love it, too. It's beautiful."

Just then, Doug and Alan entered the room with the drinks.

Beth stood up and took hers from Alan with a big smile. Doug handed Carol her glass of wine and they all sat down as the babies busied themselves with their new toys.

"So, are you ready for your wedding?" Carol asked pleasantly.

"Yeah, I think so," Alan answered. "It's going to be so small, there wasn't all that much to do."

"I'm sure it'll be lovely," After taking a sip of wine, she continued the polite conversation. "How did you two meet?"

"Work," Alan answered.

"Well," Beth clarified, raising a hand for emphasis, "we met at work, but we didn't go out right away."

"Right," Alan said in, patting her knee. "You were dating that one guy...what was his name?"

"Oh, Stu, wasn't it?" Doug chimed in irreverently.

"Stuart, yes," Beth laughed. "I'm glad Alan hung around waiting for Stu to go away."

"Well, I remember I asked you about that, right Doug?" Alan asked.

Feigning ignorance, Doug asked, "About what? I don't remember."

Beth giggled at the two of them.

Carol, oblivious to the circumstances, asked, "What did you ask about?"

"Oh," Alan explained, "it was at some pharmaceutical company thing. I asked Doug if he was dating Beth, or if there was another guy."

"Yeah, I remember," concurred Doug. "Beth, this boy had it bad. He had it bad."

Enjoying the memory, the three coworkers laughed. Carol looked from one to the other to the other.

"Anyway," Beth said, seeing that Carol was being left out of the conversation, "we started dating and it didn't take long after that for us to decide to get married."

"It sounds wonderful. Why did you decide on a small wedding?" Carol asked, then immediately regretted it, knowing what the answer would be.

"It's my second marriage," Beth explained. "I didn't think it was right to do a whole big thing again."

"We don't need it, anyway," Alan added. "We're only having our families and a few close friends there. We just want to get married, the rest of it is secondary."

Beth turned to Alan and kissed him gently.

The quiet moment was interrupted when the phone rang. Doug got up to get it, but came back quickly. "It's for you, Carol. Your realtor."

Carol stood up and excused herself, taking the phone with her into the bedroom so she could speak in private. She returned ten minutes later, interrupting the conversation with an announcement. "Doug, I have an offer on my house."

"You don't look happy," he noted. "Is it a good one?"

"Yes, it's a very good offer. But...." she hesitated.

"Do you guys need a minute?" Alan asked.

"No, it's okay," Doug countered quickly, "stay. The offer's good, then, Carol?"

"It's very good, but Doug...you know I excluded the stained glass window. They want it."

"If the window isn't negotiable, then counter," he said.

Beth advised, "You know the saying about a bird in the hand. If the offer is that good, maybe you can toss in the window?"

"No," Carol snapped back. "I will not leave that window. I told them I refuse to leave it. It's coming here with me. If they withdraw the offer, fine. I'll wait for another buyer."

Doug frowned slightly, confused by Carol's defensiveness. "Carol, it's your house. Whatever you decide is fine. Don't take the offer it you don't want to."

Beth cleared her throat. "I didn't mean to imply that your decision was wrong. I'm sorry if I offended you."

"No, no, not at all," Carol said distractedly. "We'll see what happens. Doug, shouldn't we put those steaks on?" Carol exited the room and Doug got up to follow her into the kitchen.

He stopped and explained, "It was a present I gave her. A stained glass window. Sentimental value, and all."

Beth, sufficiently rebuked, nodded and remained quiet.

*****

The rest of the evening was cordial. Doug grilled the steaks in the rain, and they ate their meal at the kitchen table instead of outside on the deck as planned. Alan and Beth said the steaks Doug grilled were "perfect," Carol's salad was "delicious" and they all enjoyed their meal. After dinner, Carol busied herself with the twins, feeding and changing them, and finally, nursing them before bed. By the time she was finished, Beth and Alan were getting ready to leave.

"It was nice meeting you," Beth said, smiling. "We look forward to seeing all of you on Saturday."

"Thanks for coming," Carol said, shaking her hand. "I'm sorry I was so busy with the babies. We hardly had time to talk."

"Taking care of your babies is the most important thing," Beth said warmly. "I'm sure we'll have lots of opportunities to talk."

"We will," agreed Carol.

As soon as they left, Doug turned to her, smiling. "Isn't she great?" he asked.

"She is. She's great," Carol responded, sighing softly.

*****

As it turned out, Carol's buyers decided on Monday to buy the house, even without the window, and she reviewed the faxed documents with Doug, then signed them and faxed them back. After that excitement, there wasn't much else she needed to worry about. The week went by quickly, and Carol found many things to do to occupy her time while Doug was at work. She went through some of the belongings in the basement that had been left by the previous owners, and ended up with three big boxes of odds and ends to give away to charity. She cleaned a little, napped a little when the babies napped, and Doug came home to a home-cooked dinner every night. He repeatedly invited her to come to work so he could introduce her and the babies to his coworkers, but she resisted on every occasion. However, by Thursday, she found that she had little left to do in the house and, on the spur of the moment, decided to call him to arrange a lunch visit.

"Dr. Ross' office, this is Patti," the voice answered.

"Hi, Patti, this is Carol Hathaway, calling for Doug."

"Hi, Carol! So nice to hear from you."

"Thank you," Carol said, smiling into the phone.

"We all can't wait to meet you, and to see those babies."

"That's why I was calling. I thought we'd come in today and meet Doug for lunch."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Patti told her, "he left about ten minutes ago. He was taking Beth out for a pre-wedding lunch. She's taking tomorrow off."

Carol was terribly disappointed, but didn't want to let on. "No...that's okay. It was so last minute. Just tell him I called. I'm sure we'll be by soon." She hung up the phone and resisted the impulse to sulk.

*****

Saturday came, all wet and rainy. Carol sat with her coffee in her hands, enjoying the solitude as she watched the mist rise off the lake. She leaned out of her chair a little to open the sliding door, and listened to the rain as it splattered on the lake. The fish were biting; she could see flashes of silver as they flopped in the water, and she realized that the birds were quiet, taking refuge in the trees and shrubs. She heard a small trolling motor in the distance, and smiled at the realization that three weeks ago, she didn't even know what a trolling motor was.

"Morning," Doug said wearily. His hair stood up on end in the back and his bare feet shuffled along the carpet. "We got more coffee?"

"I just made a fresh pot."

"Gloomy day, eh?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen to pour himself a cup.

"Yeah, it is."

"Isn't it supposed to be good luck?" he called from the kitchen.

Carol grimaced. "What?"

Walking back in, he sipped his coffee, closed his eyes with satisfaction and swallowed audibly, pleased with the aroma and taste. "This is good coffee. Rain. Rain on your wedding day. Isn't that good luck or something?"

Carol shook her head, disagreeing. "Nah, I think someone made that up so the bride wouldn't be upset."

Doug chuckled softly and bent down, tenderly kissing her lips before sitting on the sofa with her. "Girls sleeping?"

"Yeah, still."

"I didn't hear them, they sleep through the night?"

"Finally," she said, smiling. "I'm going to try waking them up early from their morning naps so maybe they'll sleep through the wedding this afternoon."

"Sounds like a plan. Wake me up, though, if I nod off," he joked.

Carol wrinkled her nose at him, and then slowly became serious as she gazed outside. "Is Beth nervous?"

"I don't know, she wasn't in yesterday," Doug answered.

"You saw her Thursday, right?"

"Yeah, sure. We went to lunch." He took another long drink. "She wasn't nervous. Seemed excited. She'll be pissed, though, about the rain."

"I don't blame her." She looked out the window again, and suddenly remembered. "It rained that morning, when I was supposed to marry Tag."

His face registered surprise. "It did?"

"Mmm hmm."

"I don't remember. Maybe it's because I don't want to remember." He shrugged his shoulders and lifted his cup.

"I haven't thought about it in years," she revealed. "I thought I felt the way I did that morning because of the rain."

Doug focused on her hands, watching as she caressed her cup. "How'd you feel?"

She paused, thinking. "Unsettled. Everything sort of moved in slow motion, like it was all happening, but I was watching it instead of living it." Carol took a deep breath.

Doug reached out and took her hand in his. "I'm glad you didn't live it. Then I'd be here all by myself with no food in my refrigerator and no dinner on my table...." He looked up at her, his eyes warm and happy. "I wouldn't have Tess or Kate, and I wouldn't have you in my bed...or in my living room, drinking coffee in the morning with me."

Carol closed her eyes.

He tilted his head slightly. "You okay?"

She opened them slowly and nodded. "I'm fine. I mean...I'm more than fine. I love being here. I love waking up hearing the birds, or the rain, or the motors on the lake. Smelling the smells, the grass after you mow it. I love walking down to the dock in the afternoon and watching the water flowing, or the ducks, or looking for loons. And I love putting Kate and Tess down for their naps, and then being the one to scoop them up from their cribs and hold them when they're still sleepy. I love staying home with them. This is a beautiful house, Doug. It's a beautiful place. I am so happy here. I'm so happy with you."

He sat silently as her words seeped into his heart. Setting his cup aside, he held his arms out to her, and she accepted his invitation, snuggling into his chest. He lifted her face up to his, and kissed her gently. "I love you."

The quiet moment was interrupted by a string of babbled sounds. "That'd be Tess," Doug sighed. Carol went to get up, but he stopped her. "Sit, sit, I'll get her. Finish your coffee, you know she'll want to dive right in and nurse."

Carol watched as he walked off to get Tess, and felt an overwhelming rush of love for him.

*****

The babies were bathed and sitting on a blanket on the floor, wearing matching dresses and bonnets. Doug was dressed in a dark gray suit, white shirt, and gray tie, and Carol was running around in her bra and pantyhose, trying to get ready.

Doug approached the bedroom door cautiously. "You want me to put them in the car?" he asked.

"No!" she barked. "Not yet! I'm not ready."

He promptly backed away and looked over at the girls, raising his eyebrows helplessly. "I can just imagine when it'll be the *three* of you getting ready to go out," he said under his breath.

Doug took off his jacket, and paced, looking at his watch and calculating how long it would take to get to the church, and which route would be best to speed through.

"Is this okay?' she asked from the doorway.

She was a vision. Her hair was loose and floated around her shoulders, her eyes were bright, and her cheeks were flushed with color. She wore a low-cut, calf-length, plum-colored dress that showed off her waist and clung to her body provocatively.

"Is this okay?" she repeated.

"Carol...." He let out a deep breath and moved toward her, his eyes glued to her. When he was close enough, he drew the back of his hand gently across cheek, tracing her jaw line. "You look beautiful."

She nervously smoothed the dress over her hips. "It's not too...too dressy or...flashy, right?"

"You're beautiful," he insisted.

So pleased was she by his reaction that her smile filled the room.

*****

They arrived just before the wedding had begun, and Carol's strategy had worked, for the Ross girls fell asleep in the car and showed no sign of waking up.

Carol and Doug settled into a pew and placed the car seats alongside of them. Doug waved to one or two people, and whispered name after name into Carol's ear as he pointed left and right. When the music began, people rose out of their seats and all eyes turned to the back of the church.

"Wow," Carol whispered. "She looks great."

"Mm hmm," Doug agreed.

Beth walked down the aisle, looking straight ahead to the altar where Alan waited. Her hair had been subtly streaked and curled, giving her an elegant look. Her make-up was minimal, as was her jewelry; she wore a single pearl choker, accented by matching earrings. The ankle-length, cream-colored dress she wore had a cowl neck that wrapped around from the front, plunging low in the back. Carol glanced at Doug to gauge his reaction to seeing Beth, and he wore a slightly bemused look.

"What is it?" she whispered.

"Tell you later," he promised, squeezing her elbow gently.

*****

The ceremony was brief, but emotional as Beth and Alan both cried through the recitation of their vows. Doug recognized Beth's friend, Joanne, as one witness and surmised the other witness was Alan's older brother, based upon the resemblance. There was a brief receiving line after the ceremony, and then a short drive to a small inn by the water.

No more than forty people were at the reception, and as promised, it was a quiet, intimate affair. Doug and Carol had just gotten settled when Kate awoke, followed shortly by Tess. Carol placed them in high chairs with enough toys on their trays to keep them occupied while she and Doug ate dinner. They even had time to enjoy a drink afterwards before the babies got restless.

Doug stayed close to Carol and the babies, proudly introducing them to the handful of hospital employees present as they stopped by to say hello.

"I'll never remember all these names," Carol confided quietly.

"That's okay, you probably won't see half of them again," he assured her.

The music was a perfect mixture of slow and lively songs, and when the guests weren't dancing, they were milling around, enjoying the afternoon. Beth and Alan danced and had leisurely visits with family and friends, looking relaxed and happy.

"You wanna dance?" Doug asked Carol when they were finished eating dessert.

"Not now," Carol shook him off as she began digging in the diaper bag. "The girls have to eat."

"Want me to help?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm okay, I can feed them."

"Here, let me take one of them."

"No," she insisted. "You should go spend a little time with Beth and Alan. Congratulate them."

"Yeah, I guess I should," he said, seeing Beth dancing on the other side of the room.

Carol looked up at him and smiled. "I'm fine. Go have fun."

Doug kissed her forehead and left the table. Beth was just finishing a dance with her father, when Doug approached her.

"May I have the honor of dancing with the bride?" He held his hand out to her, and she laughed, taking it.

"Absolutely."

He drew her into his arms delicately and smiled as the music began again, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Nice dress. Isn't this the one you wore swimming in Hawaii?"

She threw her head back with a hearty laugh. "Oh, you would be crass enough to bring that up," she said, matching his mocking tone. "I wanted to get a new dress, but my *husband* specifically asked me to wear this, so I did. And, in Hawaii, I wasn't swimming...."

"You'll have to give me the name of your dry cleaner," he interrupted her, unwilling to stop taunting her. "How'd they get all that salt out of it?"

"As I recall, it wasn't that wet."

"As I recall, we were too drunk to notice."

Beth smiled, agreeing. "We were, that night, weren't we?"

"Yeah."

Beth glanced over at Carol as she sat feeding the babies. "She's beautiful, Doug. So are your girls."

"Thanks. They look just like their mother, don't they?"

Beth tilted her head, considering this. "Actually, I can see you in both of them."

"I dunno. I hope they grow up to be like her, not like me."

"I dunno, either. Growing up to be like you wouldn't be such a bad thing."

He laughed at the thought, and then became serious. "Look at her over there. Just look at her. Taking care of our daughters. She has no clue how pretty she looks, smiling at them like that. You couldn't handpick a better mother for your kids, that's for sure. She's patient with them, talks to them all the time. They adore her. Hell, I adore her."

Beth smiled up at him. "It shows."

They were silent for a while then, dancing chastely, until he turned back to her timidly. "You look beautiful today, Beth," Doug said seriously. "And happy."

Beth's eyes became teary as she searched his. "Oh. Oh, Doug, thanks. I am happy. This is the best day of my life."

"I'm glad. He's a good man, he'll be a great husband."

"I know. I'm lucky to have him."

The music stopped and he put some distance between them. "No. Any man would be lucky to have you. Congratulations, Beth. Thanks for the dance." His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled at her and he kissed her cheek softly. She smiled in return before turning away, seeking Alan while Doug went to get a drink for himself and for Carol.

Carol sat, stealing glances at them during their dance, her throat -- her heart -- tight and aching.

*****

By the time Doug got back to the table, he sensed that Carol was frazzled.

"Everything okay?" he asked, handing her a glass of wine.

"Yeah, fine. Tess took a few bites, but now she won't eat. She's being a bear."

"Here, want me to help?"

"No," Carol answered sharply. "I'm capable of feeding her, she just doesn't want to eat."

"You don't have to get pissy about it, Carol. How about if I take her, then, and walk around with her a bit?"

"No, here." Carol got up abruptly. "You finish with Kate, I'll take Tess."

"Okay, fine," Doug huffed. He sat down and continued where Carol left off, feeding Kate while Carol took Tess out of the high chair. Just as she turned her around, Tess started fussing and before Carol could react, the baby vomited, soiling her mother's hair and dress.

"Oh, man!" Carol complained loudly. "Doug, take her!" Doug got up and took Tess from Carol's hands, holding her away from his body while Carol reached for napkins and began mopping herself clean.

"Damn," she muttered.

"Here, let me help..." he offered, but she walked away from him, toward the restroom. Doug looked after her helplessly, and then deftly turned Tess to him. "Tess, you have really bad timing." He took another napkin and wiped the baby's chin and cleaned the front of her outfit. Kate began reaching for her bowl, indignant that her meal was interrupted. "Kate, Kate, hang on...." Doug took the bowl out of her reach just as Beth came by.

"You need help here? Want me to hold...which one is this?"

"NO! I mean, no, don't come near her. It's Tess; she just threw up all over Carol. Kate...she's trying to eat here...." Doug sat down and moved Tess to his left knee while he resumed feeding Kate. "I don't want you getting dirty. She's a messy eater."

"Don't worry," Beth laughed. "I've got a great dry cleaner, remember?"

"Yeah, but it's your wedding day, Beth."

"Okay, well, yell if you need me." She grinned at the sight of him juggling his children, and walked away to find Alan.

So, Doug finished feeding Kate while he held a limp, sick Tess, all the while looking out for Carol. When Carol hadn't returned, Beth stopped back at his table and offered to go check up on her. "Maybe I should go see if she's okay?" she wondered aloud. Doug nodded and Beth went off to the ladies' room.

As she opened the door, she saw Carol over by the sink, trying in vain to clean her hair and dress. Carol straightened up when she heard the door open and saw Beth approaching.

"Hey," Beth said softly. "Can I do anything to help?"

"No, thanks. Just trying to mop up here." Carol smiled. "Congratulations again. You look...amazing. Beautiful."

Beth smiled in return. "Thanks. I can't believe how lucky I am." She noticed, then, Carol's expression. "This was a busy week for you, wasn't it?"

Carol shrugged agreeably. "I guess so. I don't even want to think about what the next few months are going to be like."

"When I moved here, I lived out of boxes for the longest time," Beth explained as she sat in a nearby chair.

"I'm still missing things," she said, laughing quietly. They were slightly uncomfortable with each other, though neither would acknowledge it. "I really do like living here in Seattle. I hope you do, too. His house is beautiful, isn't it?"

Carol washed her hands and looked at Beth in the mirror. "Yeah, I was surprised. In Chicago, he had an apartment. I was surprised to see the house."

"You should have seen what he was living in before he moved here," Beth told her.

Carol was interested. "Why?"

"Oh, he was in this little apartment," she continued. "It had one bedroom...it was small and kinda empty. I can't imagine what it would look like if he had a lot of furniture in it."

"It's strange, you know...." Carol started to say, but then she stopped herself.

Puzzled, Beth asked, "What's strange?"

Carol turned around and leaned against the wall. "I've known him for so long, it's just strange that he had a place that I haven't seen," she answered. "He has this life that I don't know about yet. I mean, I knew everything about his life before, even when we weren't together."

"Hmm, funny, I'd always tell him he had no life."

"What do you mean?"

"He was...." Beth searched for the words that would convey her thoughts, but not betray Doug. "Oh, I don't know."

Carol sat down in an adjacent chair, interested. "What?"

Beth smiled sweetly. "I guess...it's just me, not knowing how to say things."

"It's okay...you can just say it."

Nodding her head, Beth took the plunge. "He was just...devastated without you. I didn't know him before, but he was. He threw himself into that job like I've never seen. He wanted to talk about you all the time, but he would always check himself."

Carol furrowed her brow in response to Beth's statement. "He did?"

"Sure. He had this...he had a picture of you in his apartment, and it was sort of tucked way back on a shelf in a corner. He'd stare at it all the time. You know, it's one of those guy things -- they do something and they think you don't notice it, but it's so blatant you can't help but notice it." The two women laughed. "It was when he started...you know, the drinking, it got pretty bad."

Carol was stunned to hear this. "Doug was drinking again?"

Beth exhaled and pressed her lips together. "Again? Oh, I'm...I guess I wasn't aware that it was a problem, you know, before. Um...man, maybe I should stop talking."

"No, no. Please. It's okay. Please tell me." Carol leaned forward for emphasis.

Tapping her thigh gently, Beth chose her words carefully. "A few times I'd stop by, mostly to drop something off for work, and he'd answer. He'd have no lights on, he'd be bleary-eyed. He was so sad, so miserable. I mean...God, I probably have no right to tell you this stuff, and he'd be pissed off if he knew."

"I...I need to know. Please," Carol implored.

Beth acquiesced. "We were away on some company thing. I had just started dating Alan and I hadn't seen much of Doug. You know, he was busy traveling and all. Anyway, he gave this speech, a really amazing speech about pediatrics and the need for pediatric emergency rooms. For the first time, I saw a passion in him that wasn't about you. It was obvious -- he loved what he did in Chicago. He loved you. I guess without you, and without his job, he didn't have much else except booze. So, he was pretty much drunk when he wasn't at work." Beth put her hand up and pushed her bangs off her forehead. "Carol, I've probably spoken out of turn here. I guess I should keep this to myself. All this...it's none of my business. I just wanted you to know that it wasn't a picnic for him. I mean, I can't imagine how hard it was for you, but please know how much he wanted to be with you." Beth backed down, unsure of herself around Carol. "He...I'm so glad that things have worked out."

"Me, too," Carol said as she tucked her dampened hair behind her ear.

Catching sight of Carol's ring, Beth gestured toward Carol's hand. "That's beautiful. Is it an engagement ring?"

"Yeah," Carol replied as she looked down at it, "it is. We got engaged...a long time ago, and then he left and I wore it for a while, but then...I've just recently started wearing it again."

"So, you're engaged," Beth declared, smiling. "When's the wedding?"

"I don't know. Soon, maybe. When all this moving stuff is all take care of, I guess."

"Looks like I'm not the only one who should be congratulated, then." Beth stood up and motioned towards the door. "Well, I'd better get going. I'm sure Alan's looking for me. Hope Tess feels better soon. I'm glad you and Doug could be here today."

"Me, too," she said again. Carol looked after her with a mixture of admiration and jealousy as Beth went back out to her reception. She sat there a moment, sorting through her feelings, until the door opened again. Doug's face peered around it.

"Is it safe to come in?"

Carol shook her head at him, stifling a laugh. "No, it's not! This is the ladies' room, get out of here!"

"Wouldn't be the first time I've been in one," Doug joked back as he eased himself in, holding the door open with his foot. "You okay? Need help?"

She threw her hands up in despair. "No, there's nothing I can do to fix this. I'm a mess. Is Tess okay?"

"She's sleeping, zonked out. Kate's out there squirming in the high chair."

"Poor little thing. I hate to ruin your evening, but I think I just need to go home."

"I figured," he said. "Ready?"

"I'll be out in a minute," she answered. He nodded and pulled back, allowing the door to shut.

Carol sat thinking about what she'd learned that night, half in awe of Beth, of her kindness and compassion, half in remorse, realizing how little she knew about Doug's life while they were apart. Had she come close to losing him? Would Doug have finally looked upon his friend Beth as a lover if Carol hadn't flown to see him? She took one last look at her engagement ring, wondering why she was always doubting herself, and him. Realizing she needed to tend to her sick baby, she finally got up and exited the ladies' room. She could hear the music now that she was in the room, and it was soft and rhythmic. Most of the couples were dancing slowly and passionately. Scanning the room, she saw Beth with Alan, and then saw Tess in her seat at their table, asleep, but Kate's high chair was empty and there was no sign of Doug. Momentarily concerned, she walked closer to the table and as the bodies on the dance floor parted, she caught sight of him. He was no more than 5 feet away from Tess, keeping an eye on her while he held another diminutive partner. His cheek was pressed against Kate's head and his eyes briefly closed as he sang the lyrics to her, his body swaying to the music.

Seeing this, Carol fell in love with him all over again.

*****

The ride home was quiet and longer than she'd anticipated. Looking out the car window, Carol tried to orient herself, wondering if she'd ever get the hang of driving around Seattle. Doug stopped at a local drug store and ran in to buy some Pedialyte. "Just in case," he said. By the time they got home, the girls were awake and stayed up long enough to get bathed, changed, and ready for bed. Carol nursed Kate, and Doug offered Tess, who refused Carol's breast, a little Pedialyte in a bottle. She was drowsy, though, and fell asleep in his arms without drinking any of it. He held her against his chest for a long time, long after Carol put Kate in bed. But when he heard the shower running, he decided to relinquish Tess to her crib. Unwilling to fall asleep alone, he half-heartedly read a journal in bed, waiting for Carol to join him.

After what seemed like forever, she stepped out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around her body, hair hanging wet, curly, and loose about her face. Doug watched her, trying to gauge her mood. She dropped the towel, pulled on a loose pair of shorts and a T-shirt, and then went to walk out of the bedroom.

"You think Tess should sleep in here with us tonight?" he called out to her, making her stop short. "Will she...will she be okay? I don't want her to aspirate or anything...."

"I think she'll be fine," Carol answered warmly, looking back, amused that a pediatrician would want to be reassured about his own baby.

"I sort of propped her so she's sleeping on her side in the crib, just in case. I have the monitor on, too. Good thing you brought it."

"You've taken good care of her, Doug," Carol encouraged him. "She'll be fine."

He nodded and they were both silent. When she started walking out of the bedroom again, he hushed, "Hey, Carol, come back."

She turned around, and smiled weakly. "I'm not tired, I'm going out into the living room to find something to read. I'll see you in the morning."

Doug looked up at her from his bed and said nothing, and Carol walked out. He waited for a while, hoping that she'd return, but when she didn't, he got out of bed and went into the living room. The lights were on, but she wasn't there. "Carol?" he called out. There was no sign of her.

He checked the girls' room, peeking into Tess' crib just to make sure she was okay, and then ventured into the kitchen to look for Carol, but she wasn't there either. When he went back to the living room, he noticed the sliding door was open just a bit. He went into his bedroom, grabbed the baby monitor, and traveled back through the living room, opening the sliding door fully. He made his way in the darkness, walking out onto the deck, down the steps and across the grass to the dock.

There she sat, alone in the black night with the crickets serenading her. Peering out, he couldn't see her face, but could tell that she was leaning back, looking up. He walked to the end of the dock and stood in front of her.

"Kinda dark out here, isn't it?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah, but it's peaceful."

"You cold?"

"No, I'm fine. I brought that blanket out," she added, pointing, "but I don't need it. It's warm enough."

Doug waited a beat, but she was distant and moody and all but ignored him. He tried again. "I...I'm sorry about Tess, you know, screwing up your evening. "

"That's okay. I mean, it happens with babies. She'll be okay."

She was obviously not in the mood to talk, so he moved to walk away, but he stopped when she began speaking again, her voice thick with emotion.

"I loved watching you dance with Kate. And I hated watching you dance with Beth. I hated it, Doug. She's so beautiful. God. She is. Her body is...incredible. Her face.... She's charming, smart, talented. All the while I was in Chicago and you were here, I imagined her. I mean, I imagined a woman like her. Every day I'd tell myself I didn't need you, that I didn't love you, and the whole time I was terrified you'd meet someone exactly like her. And you did." Carol pulled her knees up to her chin, protecting herself against her fears.

Wordless at first, he moved to reassure her. "I'm sorry. If I had thought that it would bother you, my dancing with her, I wouldn't have done it."

"I know." She thought of something and turned to him. "What was so funny today? When you saw Beth? You said you'd tell me later."

"Oh," he remembered, looking cheerful. "I've seen that dress, she wore it one night in Hawaii. She'd walked near the shore in Hawaii and she got the bottom all wet, and ended up sleeping in it. I guess Alan asked her to wear it. I made sure I teased her about it when we danced tonight."

"Oh," Carol said, and then waited a moment, scanning the sky before deciding to change the subject. "There are so many stars here," she said quietly.

"When you can see them, they are, when it's not cloudy or raining," he agreed, reaching for her blanket and tossing over the base of the diving board so he could sit down near her. He placed the monitor between them and looked up at the stars, appreciating their brilliance.

"You couldn't see them much in Chicago," she continued. "All the city lights blocked them out."

"When I was in Hawaii, I was amazed -- there were a billion stars in the sky."

"When was it that were you in Hawaii again?" she asked, turning to him.

"Last year. It was a company thing."

"I think you even left a message on my answering machine from there, didn't you?"

"I think I did," he nodded.

"I remember...I remember you telling me about the stars. Beth mentioned Hawaii," Carol said slowly. "That's what she was talking about tonight. She talked about your speech."

"Yeah, she was there. Alan, too," Doug added warily. "But we spent an evening together, talking. I was pretty much a mess."

"I think that describes my life this past year. Pretty much a mess."

"Mmm," he answered, knowing what she meant.

"And now," she added, smiling somewhat sadly, "I'm so happy to be with you, but for some reason, I still have these doubts. Not about you, not about me, or about us but somewhere deep inside, something's there that holds me back. It makes me worry that I'm not enough for you, or that other women are more attractive to you. I dunno...."

He frowned, disappointed to hear that anything would hold her back. "I don't know what to say, or to do, to help you," he answered honestly. "I love you, Carol. You know I do."

"I know. I mean, it's not you, though. It's just me, something in me. Always waiting for...expecting...the bubble to burst."

"It's not going to, Carol. I thought we'd been through this, that we knew what we wanted."

"We have, and we do. Like I said, it's just me."

He waited a while, mostly to see if she had any other explanation, but she did not. Finally, he asked, "What is it, exactly? What keeps you from trusting me, trusting *in* me, what worries you?"

"It's...the same thing that stopped me before. Not knowing the whole truth, afraid that you've kept things from me."

"Whoa." He was entirely confused. "What brought this on?"

Carol avoided his eyes, but her tone was strong and pointed. "Seeing Beth this past week, seeing what a good friend she is. It's obvious you enjoy each other's company, that you've shared things. That you've confided in each other. It doesn't bother me, really. It doesn't. But then she talks about your apartment, talks about Hawaii, and when she talks, she *knows* you. She knows you so well, she shared the last year and a half of your life with you, time *I* didn't have with you. I'm sad that I missed that time, sad that I wasn't here for you. You had a new job, a new life, and...and no friends, no one to talk to, to share a meal with."

"It wasn't all that bad," he lied, trying to diffuse the situation.

"It was, though, wasn't it?" she asked, turning to him, her eyes demanding the truth from him. "Bad enough that you were drinking again."

Inwardly, he flinched, but he didn't let her know it. "It's over," he insisted. "It's history. It doesn't matter."

She shook her head slowly. "It *does* matter. Because if you can't tell me these things about your life, about your getting drunk every night, about your relationship with Beth...if you can't be honest with me, I'll feel just like I felt when you didn't confide in me about Ricky Abbott. Like you don't trust me enough to confide in me. If you don't trust me, how can I trust in you?"

There. She'd said it. Her heart was racing and her emotions were caught in her throat, but she'd said it.

Doug began floundering, but contended, "Carol, there's nothing that I can say about Ricky to make it all go away. I can't change anything. We have to move on."

"When you can be honest with me...about everything....then I can move on."

He sighed, rubbing his hand over his hair, knowing finally what she was asking. "Hawaii. That night, Carol...I...something happened that night, with Beth, something that I didn't tell you about. I didn't know how to explain it to you without pissing you off."

"Try me," she cagily replied.

Doug leaned forward, studying his hands while he spoke. "You're right. I moved out here and I was alone. I had no friends, I didn't know anyone. She'd moved here just a few months before. Her marriage had ended and she transferred here to Seattle to try to start over. We went away on a business trip my second week here and we...she and I just talked. It took a while, but finally I talked about you. About how I'd screwed up, about how I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again. Beth and I spent a lot of time together over the next few months, going to dinner, catching a movie, and she...you know, she...I never...I always had you on my mind, I never wanted to pursue anything with her. Finally, I stopped calling her, stopped spending time with her because it felt like I was cheating on you, even though we were apart."

Carol's eyes clouded over. "You...Doug, you told me you hadn't been with anyone else. You told me that you hadn't dated anyone. What...what was this, then? This thing with her?"

"I don't know. It wasn't anything. I mean...Carol, I'm trying to be honest here," Doug sighed. "I was drinking...a lot. Beth...she was my friend. When Alan started pursuing her, I was...I felt protective, you know? I didn't know if he was a good guy and I didn't want to see her get hurt. We were in Hawaii, with people from the company, and I said some things to her that I regretted later. Things about Alan, his intent. I pissed her off and she basically told me off. She told me...accused me...of holding her in my pocket, just in case things didn't work out with you. And I...I thought about that, you know. Thought about how I was coming across. I never meant to lead her on, and I never felt...that way about her."

"And did she feel that way about you?"

The crickets seemed louder as she waited for his answer. Doug finally sighed and nodded. "She did, a little. For a while, she did. She expressed some interest."

Carol looked away and he continued talking.

"That night, in Hawaii, after we argued, we sort of made up and we were both drinking on the patio outside of my room, talking. She...I asked her not to leave. I didn't want to spend another night drunk and alone." Doug paused, working hard to find the right words for his confession. "We were both drunk. She wanted to leave, she got up, but she'd had so much to drink that she couldn't walk straight. I brought her over to my bed, to let her sleep it off. There was a...this moment, uh...a brief moment when I was holding her up, steadying her. She was...she was there and I held her so she wouldn't fall and then...I held her...I kissed her." Doug looked down, afraid to see Carol's reaction.

"You kissed her?" Carol asked faintly, imagining it briefly before pushing the image from her mind.

He looked out over the lake. "Yeah. I did. But, Carol...."

Eyes stinging, she softly asked, "What else, Doug?"

"Nothing else," he answered swiftly. "That was it. And the kiss...it wasn't like a kiss at all. I mean, it was but it...there was nothing there. I kissed her and it felt...it was...all wrong."

"Did she...was she falling in love with you?"

"I don't think so, no."

"Did you want her?" Carol asked in a small voice.

"No. Not like that, not in that way, no. I wanted a friend."

He waited for her anger, but instead, heard her sigh as she nodded her head, remembering the kisses she shared with Luka. "I'm glad you told me. I know what you mean about it feeling all wrong. I do," she admitted. She reached, finally, for his hand, giving it a squeeze. "Thanks for telling me. I think...maybe it'll help, knowing this. Knowing it was there and you...she...never took advantage of it. And, that you can be honest with me."

"C'mere, Carol," he said quietly, holding out his arms, and she stood up and moved toward willingly, straddling the diving board, sitting down and facing him. He took her hair, wet and tangled, into his hands and away from her face. "What was wrong today? Was it just Beth, or something else?"

"Oh...you know. Sure, it was Beth. She's so...perfect. But there were other things. I felt so...out of place, like I didn't belong there. You knew all those people...."

"Well, not all of them. Carol, you'll meet people, too, make a place for yourself here. We need to give it time, that's all."

She shook her head, feeling defeated. "I don't know how I'm going to meet anyone, not working, staying home with the girls."

Doug bent down, trying to force her to make eye contact with him. "Do you want to work? If you do, that's fine. We'll find daycare, do what we have to do...."

"No," she interrupted him. "I don't. Not for a while anyway. No, I want to stay home with them. I owe them that, for a while. I used to feel so guilty, dumping them up in daycare, working ten, twelve-hour shifts. They'd always smile, too, when I came back, and I'd think they were being nicer to me than I deserved."

Doug disagreed. "You did what you had to do, for them and for yourself. There's nothing wrong with that."

Carol pursed her lips, disagreeing with him. "I didn't have to do it, though. I could have come out here a long time ago." He didn't respond. He didn't really know what to say. Carol shrugged her shoulders and moved to stand up. "I'll come to bed later, why don't you go up? You must be tired."

He reached for her arm and held her back, standing up with her. "Come to bed now, please? With me?" He spun her gently and held her tenderly.

"I just need some time to myself."

"But I need time with you," he countered.

"I'll be up in a bit," she promised, and he reluctantly released her. Carol watched him walk away and reflexively spun her engagement ring around her finger, feeling sorry that she'd hurt his feelings. Then, she recalled how lovingly he took care of Tess while she was so weak and sick, and how he danced with Kate with such tender love, and had a sudden change of heart. "Doug...wait," she called to him. "I never got my dance tonight."

He stopped and ducked his head with a grin as he turned to her. "No, you didn't, that's true."

"I'd like it now. If you don't mind."

He laughed in his quiet, intimate way. "I don't mind."

Her smile was brilliant as they walked toward each other. He held his arms out and she eased into them. They slowly danced to a song they could hear only in their hearts.

"You looked beautiful today," he murmured into her neck. "Even more beautiful because you were taking care of our children. I've been thinking about making love to you since this afternoon, since I saw you getting all pretty for the wedding." He pulled back to look into her eyes. "Carol, Beth is a great girl. A wonderful woman. She is. But she's not you. Everything I want, everything I've always wanted is right here. I love you." He guided her back over to the diving board and sat on it again, holding her as she stood in front of him.

She nuzzled the top of his head. "Thank you. I need to hear that kind of thing. I feel less like a lover, sometimes, and more like just a mother."

"You are my lover, though. I fantasize about you."

She bent over and her lips felt the pulse in his neck as she kissed a tender spot. "What do you think about?" she whispered.

"Taking your clothes off, seeing you naked. Watching your nipples get hard when I kiss them." Doug's hand crept under her T-shirt and his fingers pressed into her back, and then swirled up to her shoulder blades, inducing a sigh from her. "I could kiss them now," he drawled, inching his hands from back to front, half-expecting her to push him away. But she didn't. She took his face to hers and kissed him hungrily, mouth open and hot. His kiss in return was strong and forceful. "I love you, Carol. Let me show you." He grasped the bottom hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. She shivered, not from a chill, but from excitement as she watched him gaze at her. He reached out and caressed her, kneading her breasts gently, toying with her nipples, kissing the soft underside of each breast. Carol closed her eyes, enjoying his play, but moved back abruptly when she felt her milk come forth.

"Carol, don't. I like it." He was drawn to her, intrigued and excited by the sight of her, by the fullness of her and he placed his fingertips on her ribs alongside of her breasts, watching while she fought her inner urge to stop him. "It's so beautiful, seeing this," he whispered, and he extended his thumbs and rubbed her wet nipples gently.

Carol surrendered, arching her back, feeling aroused by him, by his desire to enjoy this intimacy she only shared with her girls. They both felt the eroticism of the act as he bent down, licking at the warm droplets that appeared and nibbling at her, finally sucking each nipple until she felt her pulse pounding between her legs. She had a strong urge to please him, to show him how in love she was, and so she backed away, sitting down on the edge of the diving board and began tugging at his shorts, pulling them down and searching within them, finding him hot and hard. He lay back and she lowered her mouth onto him and began licking him lightly, teasing him with her tongue, rubbing her lower lip just under the head, inciting a moan from him. She cupped his balls in her hands, giving a gentle squeeze, and surrounded him with her lips and tongue. He groaned and his hips bucked forward slightly as she sucked him. Reaching down, his hands smoothed her hair away from her face and he watched himself disappear as he succumbed to the sweet sensation.

Carol tickled his flat stomach and journeyed upward to his chest. Sitting up for a moment, she took his shirt off and pulled his shorts over one foot, then the other. Her eyes took him in; his chest was strong and heaving with passion, his muscular legs were placed on either side of the diving board. His erection, large and thick, drew her gaze again and she brushed the insides of his thighs with her fingers while she sucked her way up his legs. Nudging his balls with her mouth, she breathed in his masculine scent, feeling the warmth of him on her face. Her tongue flicked back and forth, finally, up his shaft and on his swollen head, and when he could take no more of it, he sat up, kissing her and sucking her neck with ravenous lips.

He pressed his mouth against her chest, smelling the dusting powder she's sprinkled there, and worked down her body, kissing between her breasts and licking her navel. Now Carol lay back on the board, her body on fire and needing his touch. Easing her shorts off of her, seeking her with his fingers, he searched within the dense tangle of hair. She was all wetness and softness and heat, and he was driven to have her. She spread her thighs, tempting him, and he finally leaned in, gently opening her, as though he were unwrapping her. He explored between her legs, feeling her inner lips and clitoris, which were hard and engorged. His tongue moved up and down, barely touching her slit, while his finger entered her, wriggling lightly, sliding in and out of her. Carol moaned, and he felt her swell around his finger as she inched closer to her climax. Her legs tensed, her thighs lurched apart, and she came quickly, drenching his hand, trembling against his mouth. He let her ride it out, caressing her softly until she quieted. He wanted to stop, then, and move inside the house, but she sat up, pulling him toward the edge of the diving board. He moved willingly, thinking she was getting up as well, until Carol began to ease herself onto him and then he held her back.

"We need something...a condom or your diaphragm," he warned her.

"I don't care," she asserted.

"Carol...."

"I don't care." She grasped him and slid effortlessly on top of him, making him moan into her neck. She wrapped her legs around his waist, crying out, yielding to him as he entered her. Her body undulated on top of his and he held her closely while he jutted forward, pushing himself deeply inside of her.

With every thrust of his hips, he felt himself closer to orgasm. "God, Carol...." he whispered as her wetness drove him, as her arms enfolded him and her softness conquered him. "Carol, stop, I'm gonna come...." He moved to pick her up, to pull her away, but her thighs clenched tightly and she pressed down so her body molded itself to his, and when he came, she held his face to her breast to quiet his cries.

It took a moment for him to open his eyes, and when he did, he caught sight of her looking pleased and joyful and satisfied. "That was kinda risky, wasn't it? " Doug murmured, gasping for breath while holding her close to him.

"No. There was nothing risky about it," Carol answered as she kissed his neck. "I'm in love with you. What's the worst that could happen? That I get pregnant and we have another baby?"

He smiled into her hair. "You don't want to have a baby this soon after having Tess and Kate, do you?"

She shrugged. "Not really, but if it happened, that'd be okay. I'm with you now. We'd survive."

Doug laughed, agreeing. "I guess we would."

"We're together forever. You're mine," she said, finally convincing herself. "I don't ever want to think about other women kissing you. About you making love to other women, or you pleasing them. I want you for myself. Only for me."

"I am yours."

"I want to be your wife. I want your children," she whispered in his ear.

She felt his chuckle before she heard it. "You have my children."

"I want more."

"Okay, then." He helped her up and found her shorts, handing them to her, and then got dressed himself. He picked up the blanket, and the monitor, and waited for her. She placed her hand within his and they walked up the dock, toward the lawn. Carol stopped just as they got to the end of the dock, holding him back.

"What?" he asked.

"Let's get married."

"Well, we are going to," he laughed in reply. "I thought we already decided that."

"We did, but we've never set a date. Let's get married when we get back."

"Uh, okay...that's fine, but do you want to plan anything first?"

"Sure," she said, grinning. "I'll plan something. We'll have a small wedding, just a few friends and family. Nothing fancy. We'll invite everyone and barbecue afterward and then when they all leave, I'll take

you into the bedroom and we'll have our honeymoon."

"Sounds good," he agreed, laying the blanket and monitor on the grass so he could hold her and kiss her again. "Hawaii would have been a good place for a honeymoon, though. It was pretty."

"Sounds like you liked it there. But you missed your chance," she told him with a kiss. "You could have had sex on the beach in Hawaii instead of on your diving board."

"No, I couldn't have," Doug claimed, shaking his head.

"Why?"

"Because you weren't there," he explained with a simple shrug.

She took his face into her hands and nestled close to it. "I'm here now," she whispered, and they held each other tightly before picking up their things and walking into the house to check on their girls.

The end