A Doug Ross/John Carter slash story, rated NC17. Last 
episode seen was "The Middle of Nowhere".

"ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No 
infringement of their copyright is intended. We're 
returning the characters to Warner Bros. with big smiles on 
their faces. This story was written for the enjoyment of "ER" 
fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure. 
However this story may not be used, distributed or archived 
without the permission of the authors.

We would like to take the opportunity to send a big thank you 
to Michelle, without whom this story would not have been 
possible.

This is the third story in the "More Than Friends, Less 
Than Lovers" story arc which will include the following: 
Seduction, Assignations, Betrayal, Forgiveness, Reunion 
and Culmination; with the story line spanning all five 
seasons. "More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers" is a part 
of a larger series which we call "Carter Does County". 
This series will have slash and heterosexual subject matter. 
Each story will be independent of the others in the series.

"More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers - Betrayal"
By: Melissa and Cathy
glroberts@bigfoot.com


He reflected later that when Carol had asked him about his
summer, he hadn't told her the whole truth. "I spent a few 
weeks on a Pedes rotation at Children's, then spent a few weeks 
kicking around St. Barts." Yeah, that was one way of putting 
it. Doug had turned up at Children's one afternoon to talk 
to a buddy of his, and was surprised to see John. Surprised, 
but undeniably pleased. Even though they had both enjoyed 
their time together, when John had discovered he did not get 
the surgical sub-I, they had called a halt to things. Mainly 
because they thought John would end up at a hospital away from 
Chicago. It wasn't until John's last day at County that he 
discovered that the surgical sub-I was his and he would be 
staying. It was obvious that Doug had not heard about the 
change in John's status. He gave him his sympathy upon hearing 
that John would have to continue working with Benton, then 
asked John to join him for lunch the next day. During that 
lunch, John found himself remembering with extreme vividness 
the weeks they had spent together and he impulsively asked Doug 
to join him in St. Bart's for a few days. 

John spent the next couple of weeks in an agony of anticipation, 
not sure what to expect. Would they just check out the women 
together, have a few laughs, and return to Chicago as the 
friends they'd been? He'd planned to pick Doug up at the 
airport and give him a quick tour of the island before 
bringing him to his family's condo, but Doug surprised him by 
taking an earlier flight. John smiled as he remembered opening 
the door, finding Doug there, and pulling him inside the room. 
Their hands started roaming over each other instantly, and 
John had his answer. Definitely more than friends.

The sex had been incredible, certainly, and that was no 
surprise. The sensations were intense - the scratchy feel of 
the stubble on Doug's face rubbing against his stomach, the 
devastating strength and heat of Doug's body when it covered 
him, the gentleness of his lovemaking. 

The emotions, however, were new. He knew he wasn't in love 
with Doug, but there was a connection there that neither of 
them was willing to break. It wasn't just about sex now. They 
spent long hours talking - about their hopes, about their 
disappointments, even about their families. John realized that
they had some surprising things in common. Granted, growing 
up with a mostly-absent father in small-town Kentucky was 
very different than growing up in a house filled only with 
servants, but the longing for a father, a real one, was felt 
by both of them.

Too soon, their time in St. Barts came to an end, and Doug had 
to return to Chicago. John was staying on an extra week. By 
previous agreement, they'd decided that they would return to 
being friends and colleagues-nothing more--once John returned 
to work at County. 

Still, a tiny part of John couldn't help being hurt at Doug's 
casual greeting that morning. He'd just mentioned to Mark 
Greene that he'd been away, when Doug walked up, clapped him 
on the back, and asked him about his vacation. 

"So, Carter, how was it? I went to Bermuda with Linda Farrell 
once, and all those women in their bikinis were tough to ignore. 
Luckily you didn't have to."

John forced a smile. "Well, it wasn't Bermuda with Linda 
Farrell, but St. Barts does have its charms."

He and Doug had run into each other a couple of other times 
that afternoon, but were never alone.

Later that day, John had met Harper Tracy. She was exactly 
his type - beautiful, intelligent, confident, and yes, blonde. 
He'd always had a weakness for blonde women. In a way, it 
was actually a relief that he found her so attractive.

He said none of this to Carol...just, "It's good to be back." 
As she walked away, an ambulance pulled up, and John was called 
back to work and away from his thoughts. 

His interest in Harper Tracy and the way that Benton kept him 
busy didn't leave much room for Doug Ross in his thoughts. 
Things had returned to normal with them, a casual friendship 
that John knew would never grow to be anything like the one 
Doug shared with Mark Greene. John reasoned that it didn't 
really matter. No one that he had ever cared that much about 
had ended up staying. His brother had died, his parents 
couldn't bother to stay around, even his sister had left 
Chicago and headed for Europe. John hated being alone, but 
he hated being left behind even more.

As John and Harper got to know each other better, he found 
that he truly liked the woman. She was bright and funny and 
made no excuses for the mistakes she had made in the past. 
She never asked him about his past lovers or mistakes. She 
simply took him for who he was, not caring that his father 
was one of the wealthiest men in Chicago. They had dated a 
few times, nothing really serious, just going out to places 
where they would be surrounded by a lot of people. Their 
efforts to go out alone were always stymied by either his 
schedule or hers. John knew that it wouldn't be too long 
before they ended up in bed together and he was looking 
forward to finding out if she really did have a pierced belly 
button. His anticipation was dashed the day that she 
approached him, ruining his lunch with her words. "I slept 
with Doug Ross." She had told him. It had been unintentional 
she said. Something that happened because the two of them 
had been through a painful ordeal of caring for a little boy 
who was dying from AIDS. She had needed to be with someone 
who understood how she felt and Doug Ross had been that 
someone. John had not taken the news well. She didn't 
think he would understand? He had sat with people as they 
died, and she didn't think he would understand her pain and 
frustrations over not being able to help the little boy?

Later that day, John had tried to work out his frustrations 
on the basketball court. He had not been obvious about his 
feelings for Harper, but he thought that everyone knew he 
liked her. Benton had noticed it. So had Mark Greene. Didn't 
Doug see that? Had he seen it, but not cared? Was the man 
too caught up in his own little world of pain and loss that 
he didn't care who he hurt as long as he got the comfort he 
felt he deserved? There were no easy answers there for John. 
He had told Harper that it didn't matter because they had 
only gone out a few times and weren't committed to seeing 
only each other. His dismissal of their feelings for each 
other had hurt her, he could see that immediately. But, he 
didn't really care. He also didn't care too much for the 
fact that Doug Ross was headed his way. How dare he tell him 
how to treat Harper! Don't blame her, he said. Blame me. 
There was nothing behind it, nothing to come of it. Forget 
it happened and forgive her. John had angrily told Doug that 
he was happy that Harper and he had gotten over it so quickly, 
but it was going to take him more time. The two men had 
ended up in a game of basketball that turned into a shoving 
match. John had won. Like that was a big deal. It didn't 
change the fact that Doug and Harper had been together. He 
managed to avoid the two of them for the rest of his shift, 
and he was eager to get out of the hospital when Benton told 
him he could go home.

As he walked home, John tried to examine his feelings. Did 
he really have the right to be so angry with Harper? After all, 
they weren't even really dating, and had certainly not made 
an agreement to see only each other. He sighed, then angrily 
thought of Doug's hands, his mouth on her. It was like a 
slap in the face when he realized that he didn't really care 
that it was Harper Doug was touching. Oh, Jesus, he couldn't 
be angry because Doug had been with a woman, could he? After 
all, they'd both acknowledged their continuing and dominant 
attraction to women, and had agreed to stop their own 
relationship. John had never felt jealous when he knew that 
Doug had left Diane Leed's bed and come to join him in his, 
so why would he feel jealous now that they no longer had a 
relationship? John was still lost in thought when he saw 
Doug waiting outside his door. The instant flash of relief 
at seeing him was quickly replaced by the previous anger, 
and he shoved past him into the apartment. Doug walked in 
after him, unasked.

"I think you said all you needed to say earlier today, Dr. 
Ross. I'm not interested in hearing it again. Please 
leave." John held the door open, waiting for Doug to walk 
out.

Doug jerked the door out of his grasp and slammed it. "So, 
we're back to me being "Dr. Ross" are we?"

"We're not back to being anything. I did not invite you in 
here and I asked you to leave. You should go now or I might 
have to call the police and have you arrested for trespassing."

Doug grinned that lopsided grin that made John's insides get 
all twisted out of shape. "I don't think you really want to 
do that to me, do you? I just wanted a chance to talk to 
you in private. We weren't able to have a real conversation 
out there on the basketball court."

John shrugged out of his coat and hung it in the closet. 
"Fine. Talk. I can't guarantee that I'll listen."

Doug sat down on the couch, "I don't suppose you have any 
beer, do you?"

John went to the kitchen to get two bottles of beer. He 
angrily twisted the caps off, wishing that Doug would get 
the hint and just leave. When he returned to the living 
room, Doug had taken off his jacket and was looking relaxed 
as he lounged on the couch. He thanked John for the beer.

"You might want to sit down," Doug said, gesturing to a 
chair.

"I prefer to stand. Okay, you said you wanted to talk. 
So, talk."

"I think you should go easy on Harper. I knew that I was 
taking advantage of her emotions when I asked her to go 
out for a drink. I even made sure that we ended up at my 
apartment for that drink. If you're going to hold anyone 
responsible for last night, then it should be me."

"Is that a habit of yours, Dr. Ross? Asking someone out 
for a drink and then luring them to your apartment so you 
can seduce them?" John didn't try to keep the disdain from 
his voice. Hell, at one time he had felt special because 
Doug had done just that to him. He was such a stupid fool.

"No, it's not a habit of mine. And since when did I become 
"Dr. Ross" when we're alone?"

"Since you started screwing the woman I was interested in, 
that's when."

"I swear to God that I had no idea you felt that way about 
her."

"Would it have made a difference? Would you have told her 
to seek me out for the comfort you thought she needed?"

"I don't know." Doug shrugged, "I'm sorry, but I just don't 
know. I'm an asshole, okay? I know it and you know it. Now 
Harper knows it. Hell, everyone in Chicago knows it."

"So that makes it okay? You think that you can just fuck up 
and then admit that you're an asshole and everything will 
then be okay? Well, it doesn't work that way in real life. 
You can't just go around screwing with another person's 
emotions and head, then tell them you're an asshole, so 
forgive me if I don't give a damn about you." John was 
pacing, his words forced and angry.

Doug leaned forward on the couch, "Are we still talking 
about Harper Tracy?'

John stopped in front of Doug, his eyes dark with anger. 
"No. Didn't it ever occur to you that..."

"That what?" Doug looked up into John's eyes, wondering 
just what it was that had him so upset.

John stared at Doug, then decided that maybe it was time to 
give him a taste of his own medicine. He would make him 
beg for it this time. He briefly thought that he would feel 
like a fool if Doug didn't respond to him, but that was a 
chance he was willing to take. He suddenly grabbed Doug by 
the upper arms and pulled him to his feet, then bent his 
head and kissed him, thrusting his tongue into that 
unsuspecting mouth, ravishing it with abandon. Then he 
pushed Doug back down to the couch.

"That's what." John took a few steps back, wanting Doug to 
come to him.

Doug looked stunned. John was jealous because he had slept 
with Harper and not with him. He had been careful around 
John once the student returned to work. He didn't want to 
scare him away, but he had hoped that they might be able to 
get together. Those days in St. Barts had been fantastic 
and there were certain things that he wouldn't mind repeating. 
But, John had remained distant and Doug had gotten the hint 
that there would be no friendship and definitely no more 
sex between them. He had been mistaken. That was as obvious 
as the way his throbbing penis was pushing against his pants, 
wanting to be let out. Wanting John to let it out. Shaking 
his head in an attempt to try to rearrange his brains so 
he could clearly think, Doug took a good look at John. He 
was still angry, that much was obvious. He was also hard.

Doug sat back and patted the cushion next to him, thinking 
that it wouldn't be so bad to have sex on the couch. "Come 
and sit down."

"No."

"John, I think that it's pretty obvious that you want me 
and I want you."

"Yes. But, I'm not coming over there. If you want me, then 
you're going to have to tell me."

Doug grinned, remembering the first time he and John had 
been together. He stood, then walked over to John.

"Kiss me again."

John shook his head. He should have known that it would 
be near to impossible to get Doug Ross to beg for anything. 
His "Kiss me again" was a demand, not a request. If he was 
going to literally bring Doug to his knees, then he would 
have to use a different tactic. It didn't take him long 
to figure out what to do.

"Get back on the couch. I want to give you a blow job."

Doug sauntered back to the couch, unzipping his pants along 
the way. Before he sat back down, he dropped his pants and 
briefs to his ankles.

John took a deep breath, hoping that he would be able to 
stay in control of the situation. He went over to Doug and 
knelt in front of him, running his finger lightly along the 
length of his penis, then without warning, he took it into 
his mouth, sucking and teasing. He nipped at the tip with 
his teeth as he massaged Doug's balls, ignoring Doug's 
continued protests about doing this without a condom. Fuck 
the condom. He wasn't going to allow Doug to come anyway. 
Finally, Doug quit talking. He didn't quit making noise 
though. That was quite all right with John; the more that 
Doug enjoyed this, the better his revenge was going to be.

Doug was finding it difficult to think. He had been taken 
by surprise when John had suddenly gone down on him. No 
time to get protection. Provided that John even had any in 
the apartment. He would have thought that by now, John 
would have had enough sense to use protection at all times. 
He moaned as John's tongue tickled the tip of his penis. 
He was still amazed at how hard he usually got when he was 
with John. That was one of the reasons he had put the halt 
on their sexual escapades. He was too afraid that one day 
he would wake up and not want to let go of John. It was 
difficult feeling that way about Carol and he wasn't sure 
if he could handle feeling that way about another person. 
About another man. A groan escaped his lips as he imagined 
the perfect answer to his dilemma - Carol, John and him, 
all living and loving together. It would be as close to 
Heaven as he could get without being dead, that was for sure.

"Oh, God, John. Yes, that feels so good." Doug could feel 
the tension increase and knew that he would be coming soon. 
Then he would be able to have his way with John, just like 
before. Suddenly, the only thing he was feeling on his 
engorged penis was cold air. He opened his eyes and saw 
John standing by the front door, his hand on the doorknob.

"Get out," John firmly said.

Doug blinked hard, then grinned. John was teasing him. 
"Very funny, John. Now, come back over here and finish 
what you started."

"I'm not joking, Dr. Ross. Get the Hell out of my 
apartment. Now."

Despite that fact that it was now plain that John was still 
angry with him, Doug's erection refused to subside. He 
needed release, dammitt, and he needed it now. "John, I 
don't want to go now."

"Too bad. I don't want you here."

"Liar. You're still hard."

"I can't always control my body. I can control my brain 
though, and it is telling me that you should go. Just as 
your brain should have told you last night that taking Harper 
to bed was wrong."

"Are we back to that again? Fine, I was fucking wrong to do 
that, John," Doug snapped. Then he got his temper back 
under control, knowing that he couldn't be angry and get 
what he wanted from John. Not tonight. "I've already 
apologized to you for it. I even 
gave you a chance to hit me. What more do you want?"

"You haven't gotten down on your knees and begged for my 
forgiveness, Dr. Ross."

Doug stared at him. He wanted him to beg? Hell, there was 
no way that he was going to beg him for anything. Well, 
there might be a few things he would beg John for, but 
forgiveness was not one of them. It wasn't his fault that 
John was jealous and it wasn't his fault that he didn't know 
the kid was crazy about Harper. That sparked an idea in 
Doug's brain.

"So, tell me something, John. If you're so hung up on 
Harper Tracy, then why do you have a hard on for me?"

"Stupidity, I guess."

"Ouch. Thanks a lot."

"You're welcome. Dr. Ross, you have a choice. You can get 
up and go or you can get down on your knees and beg. I will 
not wait all night for your decision."

Doug slipped off the couch and to the floor, keeping his eyes 
on John's face the entire time and not missing the triumphant 
look in those eyes. "John, please forgive me for screwing 
Harper Tracy. Please come back over here and finish what 
you started. Please, let me stay here tonight."

"That wasn't bad, Dr. Ross. But, I didn't hear any begging 
in there."

Doug took a deep breath. "I'm begging you, John. Forgive 
me and suck me off. Please?" Doug was very grateful that his 
voice didn't break on that last word. 

John let go of the door and crossed over to the couch, kneeling 
in front of Doug.

"I suppose that I can forgive you." He reached out and 
unbuttoned Doug's shirt, then pushed him to the carpet and 
proceeded to fully undress him. He stood and gathered up 
all of Doug's clothes, dumping them on the couch. He stood 
above Doug and slowly undressed, dropping his own clothing 
on the couch as well.

"Lay on your side." He told Doug.

Doug rolled to his side, grinning as John lowered himself to 
the floor, but in the opposite direction.

"Why don't we make this more intense, John? The man who makes 
the other one come first gets to call the shots for the rest 
of the evening. Bet?"

John considered that. He knew how close Doug had been just 
a short while ago and it probably wouldn't take long to 
bring him to orgasm. Plus, he knew he could make himself 
last longer. All he had to do was think about surgical 
procedures and he could keep himself from coming. He nodded, 
confident that he would win. "It's a bet."

Doug's reply to that was to inch closer to John and take 
his penis into his mouth. When John did the same to him, 
he sighed deeply, then began to suck with renewed vigor, 
determined not to lose.

It only took a few minutes before John could sense that Doug 
was getting ready to come. He knew that he wasn't anywhere 
near that point yet. Victory was shortly within his grasp. 
His mental celebration was short lived though as he felt 
Doug's finger push its way inside of him. His moan was 
muffled by Doug's penis, as was the groan that quickly 
followed when Doug added another finger. The man was 
cheating, John thought. Spikes of pleasure emanated from 
down there as Doug stroked his penis with his tongue and his 
prostate with two fingers. By the time John had recovered 
his senses enough to do the same to Doug, he had lost. But, 
Doug did come quickly after him, and the two men collapsed 
upon their backs on the carpet, laughing.

"You cheated." John finally said.

"I had to. You were doing such a wonderful job and I had no 
intention of losing that bet." Doug sat up and reached over 
to caress John's stomach. "So, now that I'm not only forgiven, 
but also in charge, I want you to go to the bedroom. And 
John, there had better be some condoms in this apartment 
somewhere."

"I have some. In the bedroom."

"Good. You ever pull another trick like that on me, and 
I'll...well, I don't know what I'll do you, but, you won't 
like it. Now, get to the bedroom."

They helped each other to their feet and John headed for the 
bedroom. Doug made sure the door was locked, then he turned 
out the lights and followed him into the all too familiar 
room and bed. They talked for a little while, cuddling with 
each other, caressing and teasing each other's bodies. Or, 
to be more accurate, Doug kept himself occupied by teasing and 
caressing John's body. Their desire and need for each other 
was quickly rekindled and it wasn't much later that Doug made 
John lay on his stomach while he put on one of the condoms 
that he had found. He had let John have his revenge and now 
it was time for his revenge for being made to beg. Not 
needing any lubrication because John had bought the pre-
lubricated kind, Doug took his position behind him and 
slowly entered him. Doug's thrusts were long and slow and 
John could feel nothing but the pressure of Doug's penis 
inside him. His arousal was reaching a new level, one he 
had never before experienced. He thrust his hips back to 
meet Doug, the impact sending waves of pleasure through 
his body.

"Faster," he whispered, wanting a quick release from the 
exquisite tension.

"Not this time," Doug said, his mouth right behind John's 
ear. "This time, we're doing it my way, all the way."

Doug's tongue slipped into John's ear, probing the folds 
and sending waves of pleasure downward where they crashed 
into the ones that were coming from down there. They met 
in a violent explosion and John whimpered, then cried out as 
the pleasure center of his brain exploded and obliterated 
every other part of his mind. Conscious reality escaped him 
and as he gasped for air he was unaware that Doug was still 
moving within him. John finally opened his eyes, making note 
of the fact that he was indeed, still in his own bed, in his 
own apartment, in Chicago. He had not died and gone to Heaven. 
Doug's rough breathing against the back of his neck let him 
know that Doug was finally reaching his own climax.

As Doug's orgasm ended, he collapsed on John's back and it 
was a full minute before either one of them could speak.

Doug kissed John's shoulder, "I think you liked that."

"Yeah, I did. A lot. I've never had an orgasm quite like 
that."

Doug pulled out and got up to throw away the condom and 
clean himself. John rolled to the center of the bed and 
listened to Doug as he moved around the bathroom. He closed 
his eyes, remembering their lovemaking. Of course, for 
Doug it was only sex, but he knew that for himself, it had 
been so much more.

"You should get under the covers," Doug said as he came 
back into the bedroom.

John opened his eyes and looked up at Doug, "Are you going to 
get into bed with me?" He was afraid that Doug would just 
get dressed and leave.

Doug sat down on the edge of the bed and began to gently 
wash off John's stomach and penis. John hadn't even noticed 
that Doug had a washcloth in his hand, but he was glad that 
Doug had thought of getting one. The cotton was soft and 
warm and felt good against his skin.

"Do you want me to stay?" Doug smiled down at him, one 
eyebrow arched as he awaited an answer.

"Yes." John replied quickly, not even bothering to think 
about it. To think about it would mean that he would have 
to acknowledge the feelings he had for Doug and he wasn't 
ready to do that. Not yet anyway. Maybe never. He knew 
that Doug didn't love him. He was nothing more than a pleasant 
diversion. An exotic dish to interrupt Doug's steady diet 
of women. A dull replacement for the woman that he knew 
Doug valued and loved - Carol Hathaway.

Doug leaned down and kissed him quickly on the lips, his 
smile still in place. "Then I'll stay."

Doug got onto the bed beside John and pulled the covers up 
over them. He reached out for John and John snuggled into 
his arms, resting his head in the crook of Doug's arm. If 
morning never came, he would be a very happy man.

For his part, Doug was more relaxed than he'd been in 
months - since St. Bart's in fact. He began to pour out 
his problems to John, knowing he was a good listener. 
There seemed to be so many problems at the moment. Mark, 
he felt, was being an ass, letting the power of his new 
attending position go to his head; Carol was involved 
with that meathead paramedic. Doug had been crushed when 
Carol didn't reconcile with him after Tag had called off 
the wedding, but it was adding insult to injury when she 
turned to this guy. And to top it all off, his job seemed 
to be in jeopardy, since he was constantly fighting with 
the head of the Pedes department. 

John pointed out that his job would be history if it became 
known that he'd slept with two medical students in as many 
days. Doug chuckled involuntarily at that one. "You have 
always been able to make me laugh, John. That's one of the 
things I've missed about being with you."

John looked at him archly, and decided it was time to take 
Doug's mind off his problems. They'd been talking for a 
couple of hours, and it was time to lighten the mood. "One 
of the things? Tell me more." 

"I'd rather show you, I think," Doug smiled. "And I did 
win the bet, as I remember, so I'm still calling the shots."

He'd always loved tying John up. Not tightly, not so that 
he couldn't escape, but, in a playful way. They'd always 
kept their props in the nightstand, and Doug looked there 
hopefully. Sure enough, that cord John had bought was still 
there. He raised John's hands above his head, and tied his 
wrists together. "Well, I've missed tying you up, for a 
start." He nipped John's neck lightly. "I've missed 
biting you."

John shuddered. God, he'd missed being touched like this. 
The feel of Doug's hands on his body had always been 
enough to practically send him into a frenzy. Being tied up 
just heightened the experience.

Doug flipped him over abruptly, and lightly traced his tongue 
down John's spine. "I've missed licking you." He heard the 
sharp intake of breath as his tongue touched John's anus. 
"And I've definitely missed this." He had John's legs pinned 
down, and forced him to lie still as his tongue got more 
aggressive. He inserted his finger, and felt John flinch. 
He added another finger and dragged them across the prostate.

As the moans grew louder, Doug moved back up to John's neck.
"I've really missed making you scream, you know. And you 
know how much I like making you ask for what you want."

Doug was surprised when John twisted, then quickly pinned 
him on his back. "Obviously I didn't tie you tightly
enough, " he laughed.

John smiled. "My turn. Now I'm going to show you what I've 
missed." He tied Doug's wrists together a little tighter 
than his own had been, and considered what to do first. His 
body had craved Doug's in so many ways.

He didn't get his chance. Doug twisted free almost 
instantly, and had John on his back again, his arms 
pinned. John threw his head back and laughed, gasping, 
"Dammit - I knew I should have bought handcuffs instead."

Doug laughed too. "I said I was calling the shots tonight, 
and I meant it." He decided that what he'd missed most was 
having John inside him. After he unrolled a condom onto 
John - he was going to have a serious talk with him in the 
morning about using these - he had exactly what he wanted.

The sadness overwhelmed him again afterwards. As he lay 
on top of John, he buried his face in his neck. "I've 
missed you so much, John." The tears started coming, and 
Doug was powerless to stop them. He felt so overwhelmed 
by everything. John held him close and whispered in his ear. 
"Everything's going to be all right."

Doug lay awake long after John had drifted off, trying to 
decide what to do. He wanted, needed to be with John, but 
wanted the younger man to have a chance with someone else, 
someone who could love him the way he deserved to be loved. He 
lay awake long into the night, trying to find an answer that 
wouldn't tear them both apart inside. He finally reached a 
decision that he could live with and he dropped off into a 
troubled sleep.

It was still during the early morning hours when Doug felt 
John's lips upon his neck, kissing and licking, trying to 
arouse him and awaken him at the same time. Doug wanted 
nothing more than to allow John's seduction to succeed, but 
he knew what he had to do. He backed away from John's touch, 
hating the fact that he was going to see disappointment in 
John's eyes.

"We need to have a serious talk, John. Now."

John nodded, then tried to snuggle closer to Doug. They 
often cuddled that way when talking and he was surprised 
when Doug pushed him back to his side of the bed.

"We need to keep our hands away from each other for this. 
Okay?"

"Okay. Since you're the one who wants to have a serious 
conversation, I'll let you start."

Doug took a deep breath, trying to get his thoughts in 
order. "I've really enjoyed being with you, John."

The two men now lay on their sides, facing each other. 
John's heart had done a strange little leap when Doug had 
said he needed to have a serious talk with him. He was 
afraid that Doug was going to tell him that he wanted to see 
him again and he was afraid that Doug was going to tell him 
that he never wanted to see him again.

John looked away from Doug, not wanting the older man to 
see the confusion in his eyes. "I've enjoyed being you, too. 
Last night, well, I've never felt like that." John knew he 
was blushing and he hated himself for it. Doug would 
certainly tease him about that.

Doug reached out and gently stroked his cheek with his 
finger. "I'm torn between hoping that the future will 
change that for you and wanting that to be the best sex 
you've ever had." Doug smiled sadly, then continued, "I 
don't think we should do this anymore. The sex is great, 
but you need to concentrate on your studies and building a 
good relationship with a woman you love. Someone who will 
love you back. Maybe that someone is Harper and maybe you 
won't meet that woman for years to come. But, you'll never 
be able to do any of that if we keep falling into bed 
together."

"If the sex is so great, and we're both currently unattached, 
then why can't we just keep on having sex?"

Doug shook his head, "I know that you've heard all the 
stories about me, John. I'm bad news. I always end up 
hurting the people I care about. I hurt Carol. I hurt Diane. 
Hell, I hurt Mark just about every day, but for some perverse 
reason, he still wants to be my friend. I'll only end up 
hurting you and I don't want to do that."

"I don't think there's a chance of that happening. We don't 
have any romantic feelings for each other." John hoped that 
Doug couldn't tell he was lying. He looked up into Doug's 
eyes, surprised to see pain there. But, the pain quickly 
disappeared.

"I don't have romantic feelings for Mark, but, I still care 
about him. Besides, I've already hurt you by taking Harper 
to bed. It doesn't matter if you care about her or about 
me, either way, you were the one that got hurt. Contrary to 
popular belief, I don't make it a habit to go around 
purposely hurting people. I tend to follow my Dad's example 
and do it out of sheer negligence."

Doug raised up on his elbow, then leaned down and slowly 
kissed John on the mouth. John immediately parted his lips, 
inviting Doug to take more. It was an invitation that Doug 
declined. He broke off the kiss, caressed John's cheek once 
more, and then got out of bed.

"I need to go home and change before work." Doug's eyes 
looked sad as he gazed down at John and said, "I'll never 
forget you, John, or all that we've done together."

John entertained the idea of asking Doug to reconsider, but 
he managed to keep his dignity and refrained from jumping 
out of bed and falling to his knees in front of the man and 
begging him to stay in his life. John knew it was better to 
end this now. He sat up and silently watched Doug dress and 
walk out of the bedroom. As he heard the front door close, 
a single tear escaped from his eye, following the path that 
Doug's finger had traced on his cheek. It was definitely 
better to end this now, before he found himself any more in 
love with Doug Ross. So, if it was the right thing to do, 
why did it hurt so damn much?


The End