When Angels Cry

By Michelle

Disclaimer- I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me. I don’t own the song Angel either, it belongs to Sarah McLachlan and I’m not making any money off using it in my story so please don’t sue me.

Author’s Notes- First off, this is about suicide, but I am *not* suicidal. This is just something that popped into my head, but I have no intention whatsoever of committing suicide. Next, this is a serious Buffy/Angel angst piece. Rather depressing. This is about suicide, and a major character dies. This is not a happy piece, you have been warned. That said, enjoy. Oh, and I know I use the song Angel a lot, but it fit so perfectly with this story I just had to.

Feedback- Please! Send feedback but no flames. And please don’t criticise the story content, I warned you in advance this is about suicide. If you don’t like stories of that nature, please don’t read this.

Distribution- Buffy's Passion, Daydreams of BtVS, and Slay This! have permission, everyone else just ask me first. I'll almost always say yes.

Rating- TV-14

Classification: Buffy/Angel, character death, reflective piece, suicide, song fic, major angst.

Spoilers- A little bit of everything.

She walked to the bridge and looked down at the emptiness beneath her.

If, when, she fell it would be a long and deadly leap. Once she jumped, that would be it. She closed her eyes for a minute. Thinking about why she was doing this, why she was ending her own life.

Angel.

You spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that will make it okay.

She couldn't live without him. Now that he was gone what did she have left? Angel was dead.

She still couldn’t believe that but knew in a few minutes she would be with him. She thought back to the evens that had brought her to this moment.

To the end.

There's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh, beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty.

The first time they had met she had known something would happen, but she could never imagine what. Imagine that it would end like this. By the time they shared their first kiss she was already in love, knowing who, what, he was didn’t change that.

She loved him no matter what. But it wasn’t meant to be, she saw that now. The months that followed, them denying the inevitable. Her dying, something she would do again in a few minutes, but there would be no Xander to save her.

No, nothing could save her this time.

well, weightlessness and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
in the arms of the angel
far away from here
from this dark, cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear.

Then there was those few months where he tried to tell her it couldn’t be, if only she had listened, but she hadn’t. She had thought that it was possible, that they could be together. How wrong she was.

After she learned the truth about what he had done to Drusilla, what a monster he had been, they had had a few months of happiness. Just being together.

That all changed on her birthday, that night changed everything. He lost his soul, and tormented her, yet she still loved him. She knew that now. She would always love him, no matter what he did to her.

you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

He had gotten his soul back only for her to send him to Hell. When he came back, things had changed.

She had the normal boyfriend, but it didn’t matter. She only wanted Angel, finally they had gotten back together. But then he left her, she had thought she was going to die then. But she didn’t, she had been strong.

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
are vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escape one last time

Then Angel came back to her, but alas only a month later he died. He was killed saving her life, he died to protect her. He didn’t realise that without him she didn’t have a reason to live.

Her thought turned to all those she loved. *Forgive me. I’m doing the only thing I can, for I don’t know how to live without Angel. I love you guys so much, but I love Angel more. He’s my other half. I can’t live without him. That’s why I’m doing this.*

it's easier to believe
in this sweet madness
all this glorious sadness
it brings me to my knees
in the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark, cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
in the arms of the angel

She readied herself to jump. “Goodbye.” She whispered as she jumped off the bridge and got ready to meet whatever came next.

Her last thought was of the man she loved. *Angel, I’m sorry I couldn’t do what you wanted. I know you wanted me to be strong, and to live. But I couldn’t, not without you.*

may you find some comfort here
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here.

Then everything went black, it was over.

She was gone. The slayer had fallen.

And the angels cried for this couple, so doomed that death was the only answer.

The End