Turn Back Time

By Michelle

Disclaimer- I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me.

Author's Notes- This idea came to me while in class. I always get my best ideas there. Anyway it’s a simple idea and I hope you like it. Beware a lot of angst ahead. Enjoy.

Feedback- Please! Send feedback but no flames.

Distribution- Buffy's Passion, Daydreams of BtVS, and Slay This! have permission, everyone else just ask me first. I'll almost always say yes.

Rating- PG-13

Classification: Mentions of Buffy/Angel, Xander/Cordelia, Giles/Jenny, Willow/Oz, reflective piece, angst.

Spoilers- The Prom and back. Especially Surprise, Passion, Lover’s Walk, and Becoming Pt1.

Prologue

“You last assignment for this class may seem simple, but it’s really not. It will need a great deal of thought and reflection.” The teacher said, pausing for a moment.

“What is it?” Larry asked from his spot ion the back of the class.

“I want you to give me an essay on the one thing you’ve done in the past that you would change if you could.” She said just as the bell rang.

Students began to pour out of the class.

“What do you guys think?” Buffy asked softly, Willow smiled.

“I think it’s neat!”

“So do I.” Buffy said with a smile.

* * * * *

Part One

<If I could turn back time, what would I change?> Willow wondered to herself as she got ready to do her paper.

She thought back on her life, there were so many things she had done that she regretted now. There were also some that she didn’t really regret, but if she could she would change.

She had to pick one. But which? What one thing was there that she could change? What should she pick? She thought things over, and kept coming to one event.

She knew what she had to do her essay on.

* * * * *

The first thing Xander did when he got home was call Giles. He thought that it would be neat if Giles and Angel were involved too, they just wouldn’t hand their’s in.

Then he started thinking about his essay. He had a hard time choosing between two times, two things he did wrong. Which did he choose?

He couldn’t decide. But in an instant he knew. As bad as the other had been, this was one was far worse.

This one he would regret until the day he died.

* * * * *

Oz sat down pen in hand and tried to think.

<Is there anything I really regret?> He asked himself.

He didn’t really, he didn’t let himself regret. He dealt and then moved on, he didn’t think back. Therefore he had nothing to regret, at least nothing he could think of.

He thought for a while longer, wondering what that one thing would be. Then, suddenly he knew what his essay had to be about.

* * * * *

Cordelia tapped her fingers on her page.

<Why me? Why Now?> She wondered. <Don’t I have to worry about without some stupid report>

As she was complaining to herself, she suddenly flashed back to Homecoming. She realised then the one thing she regretted more than anything else. Something she still wondered about.

That’s what she would do her essay on.

* * * * *

Giles pounded his hands on his desk.

He wasn’t even a stupid for Christ sakes, yet he was doing the bloody essay. It was all Xander’s fault. Damn the boy for suggesting it.

There were so many things he regretted, which did he choose? It wasn’t an easy question, because he had a lot of answers.

As he thought back through his life he came to the answer and realised what he would choose.

* * * * *

“What are you doing?” Joyce asked as she walked into Buffy’s room.

“An assignment. The one thing I’ve done in the past that I would change if I could.”

“That sounds interesting.” Joyce commented.

“Why don’t you do it too?” Buffy suggested. “Xander told me that Giles and Angel are.” Her voice faltered over Angel’s name and she looked as if she was going to burst into tears.

Joyce watched her with a feeling of terrible guilt inside, and then she left. Once downstairs she sat at the table and thought about what she would choose.

<Getting pregnant when I was only 20?> She asked herself silently, and then dismissed it.

No, she didn’t regret one moment of having Buffy. At the thought of her daughter Joyce remembered the look on Buffy’s face and knew what she would choose.

* * * * *

Angel paced around the mansion.

What was he going to choose? He was 243 years old! He had made so many mistakes he couldn’t count them all, and he had to choose just one? That was easy.

Not.

It was just about the toughest thing he ever had to do, and he had to do it. He thought back through the years, trying to find one thing that stuck out.

Then he found it. Instantly he knew what he would choose, what he had to choose.

* * * * *

Buffy thought about it for a long time. She closed her eyes, and it came to her.

That night with Angel, everything had changed then. So much would have been different if it hadn’t happened. As soon as she began to write it on paper though she changed her mind.

No, that wasn’t it.

As much pain as it caused that night was the only one she and Angel would ever share together. It was her most precious memory, something she held close to her heart and couldn’t let go of.

No, she wouldn’t change that night because as much as she should, she didn’t regret it. She loved Angel, always would, and that night they were one.

Even if it was only for a few minutes, and she couldn’t ever wish it didn’t happen. No, she would have to choose something else. And a minute later she knew what.

She knew what she had to write her essay about.

* * * * *

Part Two

They all gathered in the library, and handed their essays around. They began to read, startled by some of the choices, and saddened by some of the others.

They had all poured their hearts into these papers, and that made them special.

* * * * *

My Biggest Regret
By Alexander LaVelle Harris

I have done a lot of things I regret, we all do. Some of the things I’ve done were big, some were small. Some affected my life forever, others not at all. But the one I chose to right about changed it forever, in a big and bad way.

See, there was this girl. I loved her, I really did. But I never got up the courage to tell her so, I don’t know why but I didn’t. Maybe because this girl and I weren’t always close and I was afraid she would laugh at me. Or maybe because I have trouble sharing my feelings with people.

Whatever the reason, I didn’t tell her. I also made another mistake at the same time. I kissed a female friend of mine. I’d known this girl forever and it just seemed right. We both knew it wasn’t, that it was wrong. I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend, people we cared about deeply.

Still we continued it in secret, until one day the girl I loved found out. She found in a really terrible was too, she walked in on us and then was injured trying to leave the room.

She never forgave me, not that she should. What I did was horrible, I made a big mistake. I wish I could tell her to her face what I feel, but I can’t. I’m still afraid of her laughing at me.

And the one thing that I’ve done that I would change if I could? Hurting her. I would give anything to change that.

* * * * *

Regrets
By J. Osgood

We were asked a question, what’s the one thing we’ve done in the past that we would change if we could?

I thought about it for a long time and came up with the simplest answer. Nothing. I wouldn't change a thing, not even the things I really regret. Why not? Because they’re what make me me.

If I changed even one thing that I’ve done, I wouldn’t be who I am. For every little moment big or small makes you who you are. I don’t know why that is, but it is. So if you even change one thing you forever change who you are.

That’s my answer. I know this paper is short, and that you were probably looking for something else. But I have no other answer, I don’t know another answer. All I know is that you take your downs with your ups. You get what you get, and you can’t change that.

My question is would we really want to?

* * * * *

I Would Have Said I Love You
By Cordelia Marie Chase

It was a hard question and a simple one. What’s the one thing I’ve done in the past that I would change if I could?

It took me a minute, but in an instant I knew the answer. I would have told him I loved him.

Let me explain. There was this guy, he was the opposite of everything I usually went for, but I fell for him anyway. We started dating and I fell in love with, but I never told him.

I could never really find the words to say what I felt, and then it didn’t matter. He betrayed me, and I broke up with him. But I couldn’t help wonder if telling him would have changed anything.

Maybe if I said those three little words, I love you, he wouldn’t have done what he did. I don’t know, but I wish I could. I want to know if there was anything I could have done to stop him, anything that would have changed what happened.

I’ll never know, but I do know what I would change.

I would have said I love you.

* * * * *

If I Could Turn Back Time
by Angelus O’Rourke

My answer is not simple. I had a lot of things to choose from, a lot of evil deeds I can not forgive myself for. But in the end there is one thing I regret more than anything else.

I would not have hurt the woman I love more than anything else in the world. I have hurt her in so many ways, and I would do anything to have made that not happen.

Maybe it would be best if we had never met, but I am to selfish to make that what I would change. I love her too much, no I would never have let myself get involved. I wouldn't have let her love me, but I could not have changed my loving her.

It happened the first time I set eyes on her. I loved her with everything in me and I will until the day I die, but maybe it would be better for her if she did not love me. If it would then that's what I want. I want what is best for her, because I love her that much.

She may not always think so, but I do. That is why I am doing what I am, I am letting her be free. And if I could I would let her not love me.

That is the one thing I would change if I could turn back time. Because no matter how much it would hurt be, it would be better for her. She would be happier.

* * * * *

Mistakes
By Joyce Summers

I recently made the mistake of interfering in something I didn’t understand at all. I thought that because I was older I knew what was best for my 18 year old daughter. But I didn’t, I did something that caused her considerable pain. Something she doesn’t know I did.

She was dating a boy I didn't approve of and I knew that she would never listen to me if I voiced my concerns, so instead I went to him. I convinced him that it would be in her best interest if he left her alone.

I thought what I did was right and I kept on thinking that until a couple days ago when I saw how much it really hurt my daughter.

She still doesn’t know what I did, but I will tell he. I was wrong. I had no right to interfere in her relationship. She was happy, that’s all that really matters.

So what’s the one thing I’ve done in the past that I would change if I could? I would mind my own business and let my daughter liver her own life.

* * * * *

What I Never Said
By Rupert Giles

I never said I love you. A lot of people don’t, but in my case I never got a second chance.

The woman I cared very deeply for told me she loved me, but I couldn’t say it back. I was still hurting from a minor betrayal she had committed. I would have, once I had forgiven her, but I never got the chance.

She died that night, and ever since I’ve been thinking about what I never said. I felt it. I loved her dearly, but I was just hurting. I honestly got a second chance.

But I should have known that sometimes you don’t, that it’s what you say and when you say it that matters. I missed my chance and she never got to know.

Maybe she did know, but she never got to hear the words. And I never got to say them. I wish I had. I would give anything to say those words to her just once, but I can’t. I only had once chance and I messed it up.

That’s what I would change given the chance, what I never said.

* * * * *

What Would I Change?
By Buffy Anne Summers

When I started this essay I thought I knew what I would choose, I even started to write about it. But then I realised I wouldn't change that event because I don't regret it.

You see, it taught me a lot of unforgettable lessons. It taught me that love isn't always enough and that in the end you're all you have. It's true. I've learnt the hard way.

That's what I would change, I would have learnt that lesson without so much pain. But I wouldn't have changed what taught new that lesson. It was a perfect act that had horrible consequences, but for a few moments I was the happiest I've ever been.

I'll never be that happy again, because I can't be. Things changed forever that night, and I can never go back. That's another thing this essay taught me. You can't go back, even if you could you really can't. Because if you change one bad thing you're sure to change a good one as well.

That's why I didn't choose the thing I was going to, because as bad as it turned out to be it was good to. Very good.

I know I've probably failed this essay because I didn't really pick one thing that I've done in the past that I would change if I could. I tried, but I couldn't.

* * * * *

Choices and Mistakes
By Willow Rosenberg

I hurt someone I love dearly and I regret that more than anything else.

For a long time I had a crush on my best friend. He was the first person who I ever loved, he was the object of my puppy love. I thought I got over it, I had fallen in love with a great guy. But one day the chance to have the other guy presented itself to me.

And despite my wonderful boyfriend, or his girlfriend who was a very good friend of mine. I gave in to my desire, I carried on a secret thing with him and I felt terrible about it. But I didn’t stop it, I didn’t know how.

Then one day we were caught. I’ve never felt more terrible in my life than I did at that moment. I was lucky in the fact that my boyfriend forgave me, he really is the most wonderful man I’ve ever met. But my friend didn’t.

She broke up with her boyfriend and stopped hanging out with me. That’s what my idiocy cost me, one of my closest friends/

So what would be the one thing I’ve done in the past that I would change if I could? I would change hurting them.

I wouldn’t kiss him, I would make the right choice.

* * * * *

Epilogue

“You love me?” Xander asked Cordelia.

She nodded. “And you love me. Make up?” She asked hopefully, he answered her with a kiss.

“How could you?” Buffy asked her mother.

“I’m sorry.” Joyce answered her. “I know now that you’re old enough to make your own decisions.”

Buffy accepted her mother’s apology silently and turned toward Angel. “Do you really regret us?” She asked, hurt in her eyes.

“No.” He said softly. “I want to, but I can’t.” The tone of his voice changed as he smiled slightly. “I don’t regret that night either.”

“Thank you.” She said softly, tears in her eyes.

Cordelia approached Willow. “I forgive you.” She said softly, Willow smiled. “Thank you.” She said, giving Cordelia a hug.

Oz looked around the room at his friends. “I we learnt the meaning of the assignment.”

They all nodded.

“Yeah, we did.” Buffy agreed, still watching Angel sadly.

* * * * *

The teacher handed back the essays.

Buffy grinned at the big A+ on hers, her first A+! She read the little comment. Good work, you poured a lot of emotion into it. You deserve the A.

Willow smiled at her own A+ and the little great work as usual.

Oz smirked at the “great insight,” comment and was pleased with the A-.

Xander and Cordelia kissed over a pair of matching A’s with praising comments.

Oz was right the assignment had been a good what, it had really affected them in a big way.

The End