Tears In Heaven

By Michelle McKague

Disclaimer- Not mine, Buffy and Angel belong to Joss Whedon, The WB, Mutant Enemy, and 29th Century Fox. The songs don’t belong to me either, so please don’t sue.

A.N- This takes place after my story One Last Kiss, but it’s not really a sequel. Takes place after Amends, but during season four.

Buffy turned on the radio and listened as an Eric Clapton song came on. She walked over to the bed and started to think about Angel. She wondered if he was thinking about her right now, if he ever thought about her. She wondered if they would ever be together, right now it didn’t seem possible with her in Sunnydale and him in L.A.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Angel sighed as he listened to the radio, it made him think of Buffy. She had been his heaven, and he hadn’t belonged in her world. They had tried though, but it wasn’t meant to be. He wondered if it was possible that she was thinking about him at this moment.

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Buffy reached for Mr. Gordo and hugged him tight. She thought about the last time she had seen Angel, when she saw him off at the train station.

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please


He had told her the night before that he was leaving, and they had parted rather badly. he wasn’t expecting her to see him off, but she did.

It was night, when Buffy got out of Oz’s van at the train station. She walked towards Angel, who was alone on the platform. Angel turned around and saw her, he got a small, sad smile on his face.

Angel: (softly) “Buffy. I didn’t think you were coming.”

Buffy: “Either did I. But I had some sense talked into me.”

Angel: (he laughed softly) “Willow?”

Buffy: “Yeah. She told me that if I didn’t come I’d always regret it, she was right.”

Angel: (softly) “I’m glad you came.”

Buffy: “So am I. I think we need to say a proper goodbye. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt it does, but I really want to say a proper goodbye.”

Angel: “You’re right. Buffy, as I’ve told you before I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. But it was more than that, you taught me what love was. You made me realise I wasn’t just a monster” (Buffy started to cry). “Then I hurt you, more than I’d ever hurt anyone else. That’s why I have to go, so that I never hurt you like that again.”

Buffy: (still crying) “Angel, I accept that you have to go. I don’t want you to, but I accept it. Angel, I know you want me move on, but I don't think I’ll be able to. I’ve been in love with you for so long, I don’t think that could ever change. Besides I don’t want it to. I love you. I hope you’re happy in L.A, and maybe someday Willow will find a way for us to be together.”

Angel: (whispering) “Maybe.”

Buffy: (softly) “Goodbye.”

Angel: “Goodbye.”

They walked to each other slowly and then they shared a long kiss.

Angel pulled away first, his eyes glimmered with unshed tears.

Angel: “I guess this is it.”

Buffy: “Yeah I guess so.”

Angel turned to go, just before he boarded the train Buffy calls his name. He turned to face her.

Buffy: “I Love you, I’ll never stop, remember that.”

Angel: “I’ll never stop either.”

Buffy: (she held out her hand to show her claudagh ring which is pointing towards her) “I found this this morning. I don’t know where it came from, but it was there. Almost like a miracle, maybe it is because our love was a miracle. I’ll always wear it this way because I’ll always belong to you.”

Angel: (Angel showed her his ring which was also facing inward) “’I'll always belong to you too.”

Conductor: “All on Board.”

Buffy: “You should go, just remember that I’ll always remember you.”

Angel: “I’ll always remember you too” (he turned to go)

Angel boarded the train after one last look at Buffy, a tear rolled down her cheek as she turned to go.

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Angel wiped a single tear from his eye as he thought about the last time he had seen Buffy. He had stayed away to make it easier on her, no matter how much it hurt him. She was most important thing in the world to him.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same

Buffy reached for the phone she made a phone call, and sat back hoping that her plan would work, hoping that in a few minutes Angel would know how she felt.

If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Angel picked up his phone and made a phone call of his own. He hoped that Buffy would hear, that she would understand.

Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

A D.J got a plan after receiving both calls, she hoped that the two people who had called made up their differences. She played Angel’s song first.

D.J: “This song is from Angel to Buffy, he says he hopes you understand what he’s trying to say.

And I’d give up forever to touch you
cause I know you can feel me some how
You’re the closest to heaven I’ve ever been
And I don’t want to go home right now
All I can taste is this moment
All I can breath is your life
Sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight

Buffy felt her heart lighten as she listened to the song. She understood what he was trying to say, she also realised that no matter how far apart they were they were still together.

And I don’t want the world to see me.
‘Cause I don’t think they’d understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
OR the moments of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you’re alive
Well I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think they’d understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Angel silently prayed that she was hearing this, that she understood. He needed her to know that for her he would give up anything, nothing mattered without her.

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think they’d understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
OR the moments of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you’re alive
Well I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think they’d understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Buffy thought about how true the lyrics were, how close to reality they were. This song could have been written for them.

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think they’d understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think they’d understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

The D.J hoped that this was working, that the two were realising how much they meant to each other. She started Buffy’s song.

D.J: “This song is from Buffy to Angel, she hopes he understands.

You spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that will make it okay.

Angel smiled as he heard the song Buffy had picked out. She understood.

There's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh, beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty.

As Buffy listened to the lyrics she pictured Angel. Tall, and dark, with an angelic face, and those brown eyes that made her melt. That sorrowful quality that made her heart break for him, the special half smile that he reserved just for her, and his beautiful, muscled body that she remembered so well. She missed him so much, yet this was helping to ease the ache.

well, weightlessness and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
in the arms of the angel
far away from here
from this dark, cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear.

Angel pictured Buffy in his mind. Her soft blond hair, her big hazel eyes, her aura of innocence, her sense her of life, the light in her eyes, and that smile she used to save just for him. He loved her more than anything else.

you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

Buffy in Sunnydale and Angel in L.A both moved to the window and stared at the bright full moon in the sky.

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
are vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escape one last time

As they stared out the window, they thought about each other and how no matter what they had to go through to be together, in the end they always were.

it's easier to believe
in this sweet madness
all this glorious sadness
it brings me to my knees
in the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark, cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
in the arms of the angel

They completed each other, were each others other half, nothing would ever change that.

may you find some comfort here
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here.

As they continued to stare out the window tears rolled down their cheeks, it hurt, but their love was worth the pain that being apart caused.

The End