Part 2
"What happened?" Willow asked as Buffy closed the door behind her. The
Slayer cast a nervous glance outside to her boyfriend and her Watcher before sitting
down in a chair near Willow and suddenly leaping up again, agitated.
"I danced with them. Both of them. Not at the same time, of course, but Brian
was at the graveyard, so Angel and I danced and . . ."
"And what? What happened?" The Slayer paced and wrung her hands. Willow
wished she could pace.
"I told him I loved Brian and that . . . and that I still loved him," Buffy
said quietly, stopping and looking down at her hands. Willow bit the inside of her
cheek and regarded her best friend as solidly as she could.
"What did he say?" Willow asked.
"Nothing. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes, Will, oh god his eyes–! And
then Brian came and he cut in and he’s so scared of losing me and I’m so scared of
losing him in Angel or Angel in him! And that sentence didn’t even make sense!"
"It’s never stopped you before," Willow pointed out. Buffy smiled at that,
as Willow had meant her to, and then sighed.
"I told Brian the same thing. He deserves to know that I still love Angel.
I told him I wouldn’t leave him though. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I love
them both. How can I love them both so much?" Buffy demanded. Willow didn’t
know how to answer; there was no real, good answer. Buffy sighed. "I’m sorry.
Of course you can’t answer that. I didn’t really mean you should or anything .
. . I just don’t know what to do. And then there’s Eythan . . ."
"He won’t kill you," Willow said calmly, firmly. "He can’t kill you."
"But he can! There’s a whole prophecy about it! I don’t want to die Willow.
I did once, and believe me it wasn’t a pleasant experience! I don’t want to try
it again! And maybe I won’t be revived this time . . ." Willow thought of
the man talking to Giles in the library and another one, that could now walk in the
daylight.
"If you can be revived, you will be," Willow said with conviction.
"But what if I can’t?" Buffy asked in a small voice. "What if I can’t
be revived? I didn’t want to die eleven years ago and I don’t want to die now!
I’m twenty-seven and I don’t want to leave this world anymore than I did then! Less!
Now I have people I can’t leave . . . Brian, and Angel, and you Will. I mean, I
couldn’t leave you before, but now . . . I’d never survive without you!" Willow
blinked suddenly, holding back tears at her friend’s sudden admission.
"I couldn’t live without you," she said softly. Buffy gave her a tiny,
tremulous smile, then returned to the original subject.
"I have to solve things. I know I can’t pick, but there has to be a way to
make it right and I need that way! If I die now . . . they’ll never know and they’ll
hate each other and blame each other. I can’t die without a solution," Buffy
whispered. Willow nodded, understanding suddenly. On her own part, she couldn’t
die without . . . without something, but she didn’t know what it was. She’d had
it for a moment, for just one second she’d known what she had to do, but then she’d
lost it again. She lost everything eventually. But she wouldn’t lose Buffy. She
couldn’t lose Buffy.
"He won’t kill you," she said softly. "He can’t kill you."
It was a promise, to Buffy, to Brian and Angel, but mostly to herself.
********************
"Everyone’s drawing a blank when it comes to Eythan," Willow said wearily,
turning slightly from the computer to look at Giles. They’d been researching all
night. Buffy and Brian had stopped by to bring them food and see if there was any
good news. Which there wasn’t. After Buffy left Willow had felt even worse; Buffy
had always been the strong one, and now she was scared. Willow was scared too, only
she didn’t know how to tell it.
"None of these books seem to be very . . . very helpful," Giles said, closing
the latest try and standing up to put it back on its shelf.
"They don’t say anything?" Willow asked.
"There were a few vague references to the Master of Day, but none of them went
anywhere, they were just thrown in for no decipherable reason," Giles said.
Willow bit her lip and nodded, looking down at the floor and wondering what to do
next.
"We can’t let Buffy just face him," Willow said finally, though she knew
the words weren’t needed.
"Of course not. If it comes to that . . . I don’t want her to face him, not
alone. The last time was nearly disastrous." Willow blinked at the understatement.
The last time Buffy had died. They couldn’t let that happen again . . .
Not even mentioning Buffy, Willow wouldn’t survive it.
"Giles, Oz is going to try and come if he can," Willow said, remembering
her earlier conversation with the guitar player. "Can he stay with you?"
"Of course, Oz is . . . is always welcome," Giles said. Willow smiled
slightly. It’s not like he couldn’t afford a hotel room, but in a town this size
they weren’t especially used to having major celebrities (Xander and Cordelia always
stayed with Willow) and the hotels didn’t have any crowd control measure. At all.
Oz had tried once, and it hadn’t worked. And he really didn’t want to stay with
his family. Giles had volunteered once and it had stayed that way since.
"Thanks. I appreciate it, and I-I know he does too," Willow said. Giles
gave her a distracted, slightly worried smile and she sighed, wanting to ask what
are we going to do? but knowing it wasn’t fair. She was an adult now; she couldn’t
expect Giles to just fix everything. It didn’t work like that.
"You should go home and get some sleep," Giles said after a minute. Willow
gave her a look and he hastened to finish, "I will go too. We won’t do any
good here if we can’t read the words in front of us. Let me lock up my office."
Willow nodded and moved her chair to the table where her purse and jacket lay.
She sat forward as much as she could and managed to get her coat on, putting her
purse on her lap. At first the absence of feeling such burdens had been disturbing,
but after nine years she’d gotten used to it.
"Giles?" Willow asked as they left the library together–Giles was going
to take Willow home before going home himself, because she couldn’t protect herself
anymore. "How do you feel about Angel being back? Really feel?" There
was a long moment before the librarian replied and by that time they were out of
the school and going towards his car.
"I’m not . . . not entirely sure. Every time I see him I remember what he did,
even though it was so long ago and that is extremely . . . extremely difficult.
I am glad for Buffy’s sake that he did not really die, but that the same time, if
he had, perhaps the prophecy would be foiled. Also, Buffy seems to have been doing
well with Brian and it is hard to see her so upset by Angel’s return." Giles
lifted Willow out of her chair and into the passenger seat of his car, fastening
her in and folding up the chair before sliding t into the back seat. Willow waited
until he’d gone around and gotten into the driver’s seat before replying. What he
said made sense. She felt the same way. There were so many reasons why it would
have been better if he’d died ten years before, and yet she was glad he was alive.
They had been friends before, she’d thought, more than just Buffy’s friend and Buffy’s
lover. They’d been friends themselves. And now he was back, and he was human.
It’s strange, Willow thought suddenly. I always felt like Buffy and I
had something in common, we’d both lost then men we loved, though for very different
reasons. But now Buffy’s has returned to her and I still don’t have Oz. She
looked out of the window at the stars in the dark sky above. Could she ever have
Oz back? Could he come back to her as Angel had returned to life? Could she ever
let him love her again?
Could she ever let herself let him love her? That was the question, wasn’t
it? And Willow didn’t know how to answer.
********************
"–and now he comes barging in like he owns the place?" Willow heard Xander
said as she entered her house. She pushed a button and the door closed automatically
behind her. The conversation in the other room stopped and Xander peeked out to
smile at Willow. "You’re home!"
"Yeah," Willow said wearily.
"Was there any good news?" Cordelia asked, joining her husband. He automatically
put an arm around her to support her heavily pregnant body.
"None," Willow said glumly. "How was your night?"
"Good," Cordelia said firmly, slanting an oblique glance at Xander. "We
had a good time."
"We did not! We would have had a good time without Dead Bo–"
"He’s human now! Dense much!" Cordelia exclaimed and Willow could tell
they’d already has this discussion. Several times. She nodded.
"He’s not dead, and he’s certainly not a boy Xander. Plus it’s very rude to
call him that," she pointed out. "He hasn’t done anything wrong."
"How about killed Ms. Calendar?" Xander exclaimed. "Fathered the
vampire that’s supposed to kill Buffy? Sounds like something to me!"
"He didn’t know he was fathering the vampire!" Willow exclaimed, suprised
at her own vehemence. "And Ms. Calendar was over ten years ago!"
"Plus it was like the demon, not Angel," Cordelia pointed out helpfully.
The two women exchanged small smiles of agreement as Xander eyed them both with
annoyance.
"I can’t believe you guys are buying into this," he grumbled.
"We’re not ‘buying into’ anything Xander. He’s obviously human. I’ve seen
him in direct sunlight, and he can be seen in a mirror, and he looks older, which,
if you remember, is not a usual vampirish thing. And Angel human is Angel with a
soul. Didn’t Buffy already go over this with you?" Willow asked.
"Fifteen million times!" Cordelia exclaimed.
"Not that many!" Xander exclaimed.
"Hello! It was a figure of speech!" Willow hid a smile, though the last
thing either of them was doing was watching her. She took a deep breath, smoothed
her expression and cleared her throat loudly. It took a few tries but they finally
got the picture.
"You called?" Xander asked.
"It’s kind of late and I have an early morning tomorrow . . ." she trailed
off.
"Oh, right, well good night," Cordelia said.
"I was thinking maybe you two should go to bed too . . ." Willow suggested.
"We don’t have to get up," Cordelia said. Xander gave her a look and she
finally got it, her mouth forming an O. "Right! I’m getting tired! Of course,
I’m not going to be able to sleep because I have to go to the bathroom every five
minutes! Not to mention those braxten-thingies that I keep getting! I want to have
this baby soon!" Willow smiled, but rather sadly. She’d never be able
to have children, since she was paralyzed from the waist down. She’d always wanted
kids, and it was one of the things she most regretted. Adoption wasn’t an option
either . . . she couldn’t possibly care for a little child as they needed. Not by
herself.
"Good night Will," Xander said, walking over and leaning down to kiss her
cheek. Willow bid them both good night and went to her room, wishing Xander could
accept Angel. They had enough problems without Xander calling him Dead Boy to his
face.
********************
"Tomorrow?" Willow asked into the phone, feeling a slight thrill. Tomorrow.
He was coming tomorrow. Of course, that didn’t get rid of all the bad things .
. . like the fact that Buffy was having dreams in which Brian died trying to kill
Eythan.
"There was a flight tonight, but it’s a full moon and all, so . . ."
"Right. Of course you couldn’t come. What time is the flight tomorrow?"
Willow asked.
"I’ll get in at ten," Oz said.
"I’ll have Buffy come get you then, or someone . . . just in case." The
last time he’d tried to leave the airport unprotected he’d been attacked my half-vampires.
Willow really didn’t want a repeat episode.
"Thanks."
"Of course," Willow said, smiling slightly. She glanced at the clock.
"I should go, Buffy’s expecting me in the library."
"Oh, right. I’ll see you tomorrow then," he said.
"Good luck tonight," Willow said quickly. She could almost feel him smiling.
"Thanks. Good bye."
"Bye. I’ll see you . . . bye . . ."
"I love you," he said before he hung up. Willow sighed and hung up too,
wondering what she was going to do when he arrived. Then there wouldn’t be any hanging
up to stop him from hearing her words.
"I love you too," she whispered into the air, then turned and chair and
made her way to the library.
********************