The Strength To Let Go

By Michelle McKague

Disclaimer- I don’t own Buffy, Angel, Ms. Calender, or Angel. They belong to Joss Whedon, The WB, Mutant Enemy, and 20th Century Fox.

Author’s Note- This takes place during Passion, the scene where Buffy and Willow find out Jenny’s dead. Buffy’s POV.

Summary- Buffy realizes it’s time to move on.

As soon as Giles told me something happened inside me. I was finally ready to do what I had tried to for so long. I could accept that Angel was gone. Unfortunately so was Ms. Calender. She was the second to go. First Angel, now her, who would be next? And would Angel kill them? Or would someone else? As long as Angel lives we’re all at risk. I know the only way we’ll be safe is if I kill him, but it’s not that easy.

Killing will not only destroy the demon, but any chance of bringing Angel back. I know there isn’t one, but it’s so hard to accept. It’s hard to know that the man I loved is now a demon obsessed with my every move. The worst part is that I know the demon cares for me.

I’m Drusilla all over again. He wants to destroy me, and then make me a demon. Maybe Angel told me about her to warn me, just in case I ever had to face the demon. I’d like to think so, because then I’d have prove that he really loved me.

I’m not sure any more, I guess Angelus is really getting to me. There was a time I would never have doubted Angel’s love, but now I have to wonder. Maybe Angelus is telling the truth and I was just an easy escape from all the pain he felt. But I can’t believe that, or rather I won’t. Deep inside I know Angel loved me, he had to have. If he didn’t then the only thing I have let is memories built on top of a lie, and I can’t accept that.

It’ll all be over soon, one way or another. I’ll win or he will. I think I will. For me, for Ms. Calender, and for Angel. He wouldn’t want me to let the demon destroy me, he’d want me to fight. I will, and when it’s all done I’ll still have my memories.

I think I’ve finally found the strength to move on, to let go, and I’m glad. Goodbye my love, you’ll always be in my heart.

The End

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't kill him for you... for her... when I had the chance. I wasn't ready. But I think I finally am. I can't hold on to the past anymore. Angel has gone. Nothing's ever gonna bring him back.”- Buffy, Passion