The Lost Souls Series
By Mike S.

Part One
"The Chosen"

It wasn't supposed to happen this way . . . but it did. Alot of people said I had no future, and I believed them. And I shouldn't have. I know you guys thought of me as your friend. . .close friend . . .very close friend actually. Maybe you guys were right. Maybe I should have shook off the insults. But I realized that I couldn't. It's easier said than done. I think they were probably right . . .look at me now. At least you all will have the memories we shared . . . and this letter.

And I have to do this now or else I don't think I will ever be able to do it. So please, hear me out. I wrote this at a time when I had very little strength and if you are reading this well . . .

Cordelia. I don't know what we ever were. Enemies? No. I had enemies, but you weren't one of them. Friends? I don't think so. We never did anything that would qualify as friendship-type things. I guess I'd call you my Cordelia . . .there's really no other name I can give you. When I first met you, I thought you were the worst person I had ever met. Then I remembered that I was worse. But, then I saw you with Xander. When you guys were a couple . . . that was when I realized that there was a person inside of you. One with a heart and soul, filled with love and happiness. I'm sorry we never got to share that with one another. Maybe we could have been friends. Maybe.

Giles. I always thought of you as a father. Mine was hardly ever here. Thanks to you, I had one. Yeah, you were strict with me. You always wanted me to put slaying before everything. No . . .that's not true. You showed me that we must take care of our responsibilities, but to also love and be happy and live life . . .because Slayers don't really have one. But you allowed me to have a life . . .and I thank you for that. I love you Giles. Not as my Watcher, not as an adult trying to protect me from the world around me (you never did that), I love you as my father in the truest sense. I always will.

Xander. You're quite a guy. You always had feelings for me, but I think we both know that those feelings belonged to someone else. And it is up to you to let them out before it's too late. You are one of a kind. They don't make friends like you anymore and that's sad. I really wish that everyone in the world could have a friend like you. And even though sometimes you may have said things to hurt me, I know your intentions were good. You *are* good. And don't ever change, because the world needs a Xander. The gang needs you.

Willow. You are my best friend. You were by my side through out my life in Sunnydale. This is why I want you to tell Angel that I love him, and that I will always be with him. I remember thinking one time that you and Oz were what Angel and I could never be. . .a *real* couple. I was selfish then. I understand now that we *were* a real couple. We loved each other. I know Oz isn't there anymore, but I swear, I promise you he's right there beside you and there he will stay until your souls meet again. Have a life. Have what I could never have. Please. Can you do that for me?

I'm not much of a writer. I know that. But even if I was, there is no way I could find the words to express how deeply my feelings are for you all. I love you guys. I'll be watching you.

I said this to Willow once, but I think it applies to everyone. Carpe Diem. Seize the day! Live life. Be true. Don't be what I was: a lost soul who found what she was looking for too late. I didn't have a future, but I know that if I was still alive it would have been wonderful.

Love,
Buffy Anne Summers