Behind the Scenes
By Robyn the Snowshoe Hare
E-Mail: snowshoe16@hotmail.com
Category: Rabid humor, aka Robyn's descent into insanity
Part: 1/1
Rating: G
Summary: {snicker} Mooooo.
Archival: Please just ask me first.
A sequal to "The Cows Are Getting Restless"
Conan O'Brien: Hi, welcome back to the show. Before our commercial break, we were
speaking with Joss Whedon, creater of the hit TV show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".
< Joss waves >
Conan: Mr. Whedon, what motivated you to make the recent, and very drastic step,
of changing Angel into a cow?
Joss: A vampire cow, actually, Conan. I'm very excited about how this is unfolding.
We're exploring whole new dimensions of Angel's character.
Conan: As a cow.
Joss: Yes.
Conan: How did David Boreanez take the news that he was being replaced by a heifer?
Joss: I've been hearing that question a lot lately, and let me just crush that rumor
right here. David is still Angel, and he is in every episode for the rest of the
season.
Conan: As a cow?
Joss: Yes.
Conan: How does that work? Because I've seen some of the recent episodes, and I must
say that he looked very, well, *bovine*.
Joss: Well, we did have to use a stand-in for some of the more visual scenes.
Conan: So the stand-in would be an actual cow?
Joss: Yes. Bessy is a delight to work with, a true professional.
Conan: So, how are you putting David in?
Joss: Well, we have David standing behind curtains, hiding in closets, and sometimes
creeping around behind backdrops.
Conan: So David does not appear in the show.
Joss: Well......no.
Conan: Can Bessy act?
Joss: Well...um...she has this enormous sort of *presense*...er, no.
Conan: How have the other cast members reacted?
Joss: They have all been very welcoming and supportive of Bessy, though Sarah did
have some trouble with some of the scenes we had planned for Buffy and the Angel-cow.
Conan: Yes, I heard, and I believe you brought a clip to show us of that....
< cut into a video clip, set in the library. SMG is looking from a script, to
Joss, to Bessy >
Sarah: This is *NOT* in my contract!
Joss: < encouragingly > Oh, come on, you kissed a girl in that new movie of
yours.
Sarah: That is *VERY* different from kissing a *COW*.
Joss: Just get into character! Remember, this is Angel, your true love, just a little
more...er..bovine than usual.
< cut from scene, back to talk-show >
Conan: So, how did that turn out?
Joss: Actually, the WB executives objected to a trans-species relationship, so we
had to re-write the rest of the season.
Conan: How do you feel about that?
Joss: I'm bitter.
Conan: Well, since we'll never see it now, how would have this season
ended?
Joss: Well, Angel and Buffy again start to become closer-
Conan: < cutting him off > Okay, now I see what the execs had a problem with.
< checking watch > So, how is this going to affect the plans for the new series
starring Angel?
Joss: Oh, our plans are still on.
Conan: Wait a minute, your show is going to star *A COW*?
Joss: Vampire cow.
Conan: O-kay. Moving on, how have the fans reacted to your rather drastic plot twist?
Joss: Well, I do believe we've managed to put season two's re-appearence of Angelus
entirely in perspective as far as strains on the relationship between Angel and Buffy
go.
Conan: This is true.
Joss: We've had some mixed reactions from the fans, much akin to the death of Ms.
Calendar.
Conan: Oh, yes, the "Snap Heard 'Round The World."
Joss: Reactions have ranged from delight-
< cut to scene where twenty or so fans can be cavorting around a room in several
impromptu dances of glee, while what appears to be a barbacue is being held. Hamburgers
are in abundence. >
Joss: To grief-
< cut to scene where a group of girls can be seen lighting votive candles in front
of a shrine to David Boreanez. Tapestries have been hung on the walls that read,
"Come back, Angel." >
Joss: To acceptence.
< cut to scene where a group of Joss-Groupies are sitting quietly around a table
discussing this latest whip-lash-like plot twist.
Joss-Groupie-1: Joss has said it.
Joss-Groupie-2: Therefore it must be.
All: Ave Joss, hail to the lord of Buffydom. >
Conan: I found all of those scenes quite disturbing. So now that Buffy is once again
single, do you have any more plans for your little game of musical couples?
Joss: I've actually always wanted to see what kind of a couple she and Xander would
make.
< the audience erupts into turmoil. Some calling for such a hook-up, others denouncing
the very idea of one. Crowd-control marches in with tear-gas guns, and order is gradually
restored. >
Conan: < looking nervously at the audience > You've said before that Xander
is based on what you were like as a teenager.
Joss: Loosely, yes.
Conan: And lately Xander has become quite the player, going from Cordelia, to Willow,
to a brief, VERY brief, tryst with Faith, and now to a possible relationship with
Buffy.
Joss: Yes...
Conan: Could it be that the character of Xander might have some deeper meaning for
you?
Joss: Probably not.
Conan: Well, you'll be happy to note that we have a very competent psychoanalyst
backstage just waiting to come out. Join us after the commercial break to watch us
psychoanalyze Joss Whedon!
< fade out to a lovely commercial starring that obnoxious Snuggle Bear >
The End...
..quite possibly this time...