Update: I've got quite a few more contributions and I've added a scoring system. One point for everything you have ever done or seriously considered doing or believe you would do, given the circumstances. Keep them contributions coming! WHHHHEEEE!!! This is FUN!!!!!!
1) You automatically write 'monkee' instead of 'monkey'
2) You plan to name your children (and do name your tamagotchi) Davy,
Micky, Mike and Peter (Too bad if they're girls)
3)You are instantly suspicious of anyone named Boris.
4)You refuse to take dance lessons, even though you really need them, cos
you're scared you'll have to sign a lifetime contract.
5)You don't need to watch your videos anymore. You have every line of every
episode memorised. (Of course, you do anyway)
6)You cut off your legs, just so you'll look more like Davy.
7)You go into hysterics when you learn that St Peter guards the Pearly
Gates because that means Peter is DEAD!
8)You can't even get to school on time, but have never been late for a
single episode of the Monkees
9)You would sell your soul to the Devil in order to acquire backstage
passes to a Monkees concert. (Who needs a soul when you have the Monkees?)
10)You walk THAT walk and hum THAT song every time you go down the street.
11)And then you're delighted when you ‘get the funniest looks’
12) You remodel your car so it looks like the Monkeemobile
13) You hold a Monkee party, where you serve Twinkies, Snaffles, Green Kool-aid
and Peeps
14) And beefburgers, in honour of the cownspiracy.
15) You search every graveyard in the country, hoping to find Micky’s tombstone and
prove once and for all that MICKY IS DEAD!!!!
16) You have broken limbs from the time when your friends told you to shut up about
the Monkees and you ignored them.
17) You scour every music shop in town, hoping to buy - a) A green tambourine (in-joke, don't worry)-
b) Some red maracas - c) A drum kit with the Monkees logo.
18) And when you can’t find c) you go into a deep depression.
19) And when you find a&b, you go absolutely insane for half-an-hour.
20) When you buy a Sony Mini-Camera, you just can’t resist checking to see if there’s
a tiny little Japanese cameraman in there somewhere...
21)You have extremely complex and detailed dreams about the Monkees
22)You go to every jewelry store to find a ring like Micky’s (No comment)
23)Even though you can’t knit you try to create a green woolly hat.
24)You buy four stuffed toy dogs and call them Micky, Mike, Davy and Peter.
25)And you buy/knit a green hat for the Mike dog.
26)You hold long conversations with a red popsicle.
27)You can prove Micky’s not dead. Cos he wears a plaid dressing gown and dead
men don’t wear plaid.
28)You and three of your friends share a really large sandwich. (Kids! This is how
people get meningicoccal disease! DON’T DO IT!)
29)You rename your horse Jeremy.
30)You turn your room into a big black box.
31)Every time you wish to leave the room, you kick the door down
32)You always carry nitroglycerin (just in case!)
33)You want aliens to abduct you and replace you with a double.
34)You get your weight to exactly 99 pounds.
35)You try to fly.
36)You think you’d look hot in tights and tight shorts.
37)You try to solve all your problems by dressing up.
38)You decide your perfect dance partner would be a dog.
39)You see a sign saying ‘Rosebud Lane’ and run in terror.
40)Or you follow the road, in the hope of meeting your gods.
41)You’re gunna buy you a dog.
42)You wear a white flower in your lapel.
43)You take a summer job at a restaurant, hoping to spy on the Mafia.
44)You spend hours in the mirror, trying to get that ‘Peter smile’ *just* right.
45)You compose a wide range of songs that never contain anything but the following
six words: ‘Baby’, ‘I’, ‘Love’, ‘You’, ‘Really’ and ‘Do’
46)You always wanted to be famous. Now you just want to be a struggling musician.
47)You put an ad in the paper “Wanted, Four wild teenage boys 17-21” in the hope
that the Monkees will reply.
48)You’re afraid of Gypsies.
49)You talk to any prince you meet (hah!) hoping he’s really Davy.
50)You learn to sing with your feet.
51)You want to call chickens, so yell “Sooouie!”
52)You draw a scar down one side of your face.
53)You change your name to Valleri, Mary, Sandra....
54)You play the tuba as tunelessly as possible.
55)You try to convince 3 other people of the same sex to live in your bedroom. (Oooh,
kinky!)
56)You run around an airport wearing a bird suit yelling “Don’t fly, don’t fly!”
57)And when you’re arrested you want the barrister Dolenz to represent you.
58)You convince your choir conductor to let you sing Monkees songs.
59)You’re in the Wizard of Oz and can’t resist singing “Ding dong, the Org is dead!”
60)You believe there really is a country called Harmonica.
61)You wear brown contacts.
62)You believe that if you ever look full on the glory that is the Monkees, you’ll go
blind.
63)You try to teleport from a chair to a coffin without the person holding your hand
noticing.
64)You just have to perm your hair.
65)You’re driving home and get excited when you see a sign saying “Pleasant Valley
Camp.”
66)You love train rides.
67)You buy a red dial phone.
68)You look on a map to discover - a) Where Clarksville is - b) What river Micky’s
going down - c)Where Mammoth Studios is.
69)You start a letter-writing campaign when your local TV station takes the Monkees
off the air.
70)You try to milk your lamb.
71)You try to plow your cow.
72)You hit on your refrigerator.
73)You think your phone is a cat.
74)You try to serve Cream of Rootbeer Soup, but no one listens when you tell them
that "The horse liked it!" (From Karen.)
75)You watch your feet for hours.
76)You assign characters from the Wizard of Oz to each Monkee. (Micky - Lion, Peter
- Scarecrow, Mike - Tinman. Hmm, what does that leave Davy?)
77)You dress up in a tarzan suit and swing on a rope to get girls.
78)You cringe every time you see a spear.
79)You’re reading about monks, and suddenly your brain somersaults and you’re
reading about monkees. (Believe me, it’s scary when it happens)
80)You learn to ride a unicycle.
81)You quote lines in your sleep.
82)You *know* Peter’s smarter than he acts cos he recovers from amnesia in about
half an hour, instead of three days.
83)You wish you had a rubber glove unwrinkler like Mike. (Look kids! It’s magick!)
84)You think Davy would make a great nurse.
85)You use rubber gloves as weapons.
86)In case of fire, you’d run.
87)You talk with a Texan accent.
88)As youth, you feel honour-bound to try anything.
89)You try to decide which of his many ‘unusual’ outfits makes Micky look the
hottest. (What the heck, they all do!)
90)You blame all your problems on aliens.
91)You wonder how much care an average aircraft carrier takes.
92)You insist you have ‘green-gray eyes.’
93)You want to analyze those cough drops so you can reproduce the contents and
make big money.
94)You broke your arms so you could enter physical therapy.
95)You wonder if the Batman and the Monkees could possibly be related (Bathook,
Monkeemobile etc.)
96)You stand in front of mirrors and shout “Shazam!”
97)You feed your telephone milk.
98)You play clapping games in the middles of crises.
99)You have a whole new appreciation of the song “Swannee River”
100)You become addicted to cough drops.
101)You develop an extreme fear of Chinese restaurants.
102)You want to move to 1438 North Beachwood.
103)Your excuse for everything is that you’re a musician. Even if you’re not.
104)You *want* to get amnesia.
105)You make a Bathook.
106)You quote Ben Casey.
107)You’re proud to be called an idiot.
108)You start buying the TV Guide.
109)You spend hours in front of a mirror, *trying* to copy just *one* of Micky’s
expressions.
110)You suddenly become a scientific and technological expert.
111)You try to flip off swings.
112)You really don’t mind that your friends broke your limbs WAAAY up in No 16,
because that means you get to go through physical therapy.
113)You start to wear really tasteless satin robes. (Start?)
114)You warn people before you scare them.
115)You let your friends put you in life-threatening situations to help people you don’t
even know.
116)You have to have an operation and you make sure the surgeon has peanut butter.
117)Whenever you win something you graciously acknowledge your victory by saying
to your opponent “You lose!”
118)Your favourite game is Cribbage.
119)You think surgical gloves are a new fashion.
120)You make very pointed morality speeches.
121)After making a brave-sounding speech, you have to ask your friend’s opinion on
it.
122)You’re convinced that if you record yourself on a hired recorder then return it with
the tape inside you’ll be ‘discovered’ and become a star.
123)You try to convince your friends that your clothes just disappeared.
124)You search everywhere for burgundy boxers.
125)You buy a yellow toweling robe.
126)You use words like groovy, psychedelic, pad and trip. (Guilty!)
127)You buy a drive in and redecorate so it looks like a spaceship.
128)You try to blow up your friends with dynamite. (Subtly, of course.)
129)You believe that money is the root of all evil.
130)You describe yourself as joking and jovial.
131)You’re afraid of water.
132)You start using your hair dryer as a gun.
133)You believe you can kill someone by making a gun out of your fingers and
pointing it at them.
134)You make a complex study of the Lancershire Midget Greeny (sp?).
135)Where people generally write an ‘e’ before a ‘y’, you miss it out. (Mickey ->
Micky)
136)When asked in Science class to name a specific endangered species you
reply "The Texas Prairie Chicken!" and then distribute buttons. (From SleepyJean)
137)Someone is talking about a car having Tork Sensitivity and you begin to snicker
and say "yeah that would definitely be me." (From Alia)
138) You join a internet mailing list that talks about the Monkees. (There's one
everyone is guilty of)
139) You thouroughly comb every used record store within three hours of your home,
hoping to find an original LP, even though you don't have a record player (138-139
from Pop Culture)
140)Everything you learn in graduate school reminds you of the Monkees and you
frequently feel the urge to tell everyone about it. (From Susan S)
141)You make up stories about each and every Monkees picture you see. (OK, I’m
smiling. Now *take* the picture and *go*! Mike, in “Monkees Greatest Hits” notes.)
142)You call all the squirrels on your campus "Davy" and sing to them. (From lady
Jane)
143)You sleep in a hammock
144)You crack jokes every five seconds, to be more like Micky.
145)But they’re all about the Monkees, so nobody understands them.
146)You try to make contact with Micky’s spirit.
147)When your parents won’t let you sleep outside the ticket office to be sure of
getting a good place, you throw a hunger strike.
148)You spend a half hour carefully making yourself some love beads.
149)You decide to squeeze "MUS 116: Instrumental Music Studies --
Percussion Instruments" into your Spring 98 schedule even though it doesn't fit any requirements so you can play drums like Micky (and you seriously consider taking guitar at some point so you can play guitar like Peter)
150)You can name every Monkees episode from memory. (Ed: Some people CAN'T??????)
151) You see a limited edition autographed, framed lithograph of the Headquarters cover in a catalog and almost have a heart attack and then spend several minutes trying to decide between begging for that or begging for the box set (I chose the box set -- I have almost the whole series, but the condition of my tapes SUCKS)
152)You see in that same catalog a limited edition watch and freak (and then wonder if you can sneak $75 outta the bank to buy it cause Mom says watch or box set)(148-152 from Lenora)
153)You use a shovel instead of a bat to play baseball.
154)You start winking involuntarily at the sound of Mike Nesmith's voice.
155)You pick out what wedding dress to wear when you become Peter's fourth wife(maybe this only applies to me)(Ed: Nope, me too.)
156)You use to find it hard to talk about kissing and stuff but now you find it easy to talk about s-e-x.
157)You always pick scissors when playing rock paper scissors.
158)When choosing a number from one to ten you choose 14.
159)You draw on fake facial hair.
160)You always take off your friend's coat and put it over a puddle. (The author of 153-160 was NOT me or Mina - please give me your name.)
161)In school the slightest mention of the monkees spark various classmates to turn and glare at YOU
(from Lita)
162)You say "people wrench" instead of Monkee, errr monkey wrench.
163)You spend hours in front of the mirror, blasting "She Hangs
Out,"
trying to perfect your Davy dance.
164) You look over your shoulder every 10 minutes or so, fully expecting
the Monkees to be there.(Ed: So? That's perfectly normal behaviour!)(162-164 not from me or Mina either. I got a little confused here and accidently erased the e-mail, so whoever contributed these, please tell me!)
165) You find out the Monkees aren't coming to New Zealand after all, and cry all day.
166) And when you've finished crying, you try to persuade your parents to let you fly to Sydney alone, so you can see them there.
167) You have backstage passes, so spend the next week constantly revising what you're going to say
168) Of course, when you do meet them, all that comes out is "Hi. I love you guys!"
And what was your score?
50%-100% - I am a Monkee.
25%-50% - I LOVE the show, own every related piece of merchandise and I even taped that episode of Sabrina with Davy in it, but I don't perm my hair or wear colored contacts. People like that are crazy.
10%-25% - The Monkees? Oh yeah, I watch them sometimes. And I've got the CD's somewhere...
0%-10% - I don't watch enough Monkees!!!! WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone who gets more than 25%, mail me. I'll place your names on a Monkeelovers Hall of Fame!
Contributions to stjosef@es.co.nz please.
Sailor Zalia - Munkiimen ni kawatte, oshioki-yo!