SEASON 9
THE BUTTER SHAVE -- Episode 149 (09/25/97)
Jerry performs at a comedy club ahead of Kenny Bania (Stephen Hytner)and Bania really scores. Jerry is convinced that Bania is benefiting from always being in a good time slot behind Jerry. Kramer begins shaving with butter because of the smooth shave and soon bakes himself in the sun with butter all over his body. Newman (Wayne Knight) gets very hungry while smelling Kramer's new buttery aroma and imagines Kramer is a basted turkey. George gets a new job because his boss thinks that George is handicapped, even though he is on his way to recovery. George likes his new big office and big bathroom so he goes along with the lie. Elaine takes a month long vacation overseas with David Puddy (Patrick Warburton), the face painting mechanic. At the end of the vacation Elaine and David realize they hate each other but circumstances keep them together.
Writer: Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Newman - Wayne Knight
THE VOICE -- Episode 150 (10/02/97)
Jerry imagines that his new girlfriend Claire's belly button speaks to him while she is sleeping in a funny voice. Kramer hires an NYU intern, Glenn, to help him with his duties, scheduling lunches, answering phone calls and taking care of mail. George's new boss at Play now realizes that he is not handicapped and offers George a termination settlement. George does not take this settlement and vows to make his boss' life miserable. Elaine bets with Jerry that she will not get back together with David Puddy and she loses over and over again.
Writer: Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer
Director: Andy Ackerman
THE SERENITY NOW -- Episode 151 (10/09/97)
Jerry's girlfriend, Patty, (Lori Loughlin) thinks that Jerry can never get mad, so challenges him to show his emotions and get mad when he wants. Jerry takes it too far and yells at Patty until she breaks up with him, sending him into a deep depression. George works for his dad, Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller),in the garage, helping Frank and Lloyd Braun (Matt Mccoy) sell computers. Elaine attends Mr. Lipman's (Richard Fancy) son's Bar Mitzvah and Adam Lipman (Ross Malinger) becomes extremely attracted to Elaine. Elaine realizes she is becoming a real shiksa in the eyes of many Jewish men. Kramer installs Frank's old screen door onto his apartment door for a more homey, country feeling, but the neighborhood kids start vandalizing his home with eggs, shaving cream and toilet paper.
Writer: Steve Koren
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Frank Costanza - Jerry Stiller
THE BLOOD -- Episode 152 (10/16/97)
Kramer decides to draw and store his blood in case of an emergency. Jerry's parents, Helen and Morty, think Jerry is gaining weight and hire Izzy Mandelbaum to train him. George tries to combine having sex with Tara and eating and watching TV without getting caught. Elaine is being groomed by her friend Vivian to become the surrogate mom to her little son, Jimmy, if Vivian should die.
Writer: Dan O'keefe
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Helen - Liz Sheridan
THE JUNK MAIL -- Episode 153 (10/30/97)
Jerry's old friend Frankie arranges for Jerry to receive a free car for doing a show for the Saab dealer. Jerry thinks he's getting a Saab but Frankie trades it for a van. George's parents, Frank and Estelle, are sick of George and are trying desperately to ditch him in exchange for some 'romantic' time alone. George tries to get his parents attention by dating his cousin, Rhisa. Elaine thinks she is falling in love with Jack because she hears horns and feels magic when she sees him. Jerry realizes that Elaine is falling for him because Jack used to be the Mr. Wiz guy on television, wearing prince-like costumes and selling appliances. Kramer decides to take on the post office to get rid of all the junk mail.
Writer: Spike Feresten
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Patrick Warburton, Toby Huss, Estelle Harris, Jerry Stiller, Dana Gould, Wayne Knight, Laurie Taylor-Williams, Clement E. Blake, Wilford Brimley.
THE MERV GRIFFIN SHOW -- Episode 154 (11/06/97)
Kramer thinks he found Merv Griffin's old furniture in a dumpster and takes it home and sets it up in his apartment and acts out the Merv Griffin show with Jerry and the gang with Newman as his sidekick. Jerry's girlfriend, Celia, has a great collection of old classic toys and Celia won't let him play with them. Jerry tries to get Celia sleepy by feeding her wine and turkey so he can play with her toys. George accidentally hits and kills a pigeon while driving with his girlfriend Miranda and Miranda thinks he is an animal killer. George tries to miss another pigeon and accidentally hits and injures a squirrel and Miranda insists that he pay for extensive medical bills to save the squirrel. Elaine's new co-worker, Lou, is trying to sidle his way to the top at J. Peterman and Elaine tries to beat him at his own game.
Writer: Bruce Eric Kaplan
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Arabella Field
THE SLICER -- Episode 155 (11/13/97)
Jerry makes fun of his date, Sara, and her profession as a dermatologist, until he develops a strange rash and needs her profession services. Kramer buys a turbo meat slicer to make perfect sandwiches. Elaine's neighbor, who is on vacation, leaves her alarm on and Kramer helps out by blowing out the neighbor's circuit, only to shut off the cat's automatic feeding machine. now, Elaine is forced to listen to an angry cat until she and Kramer feed it thinly sliced meat under the door. George recognizes himself in the background of his new boss' family photo and realizes that he tormented this family eight years ago at the beach. George decides to steal the picture and airbrush himself out of the picture.
Writer: Story By Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Daniel Von Bargen
THE BETRAYAL -- Episode 156 (11/20/97)
Elaine gets invited to Sue Ellen Mischke's wedding to Pinter in India and she goes with Jerry, George and George's girlfriend, Nina just to spite Sue Ellen. While in India, Elaine reveals to George that Jerry slept with Nina a while ago. Also in India, Elaine realizes that she slept with the groom Pinter (she knew him as Peter). Kramer thinks that the hot dog vender, FDR, wishes for Kramer to rot in hell for his birthday wish, so he searches for ways to get his own wishes and reverse the bad wish.
Writer: Dave Mandel, Peter Mehlman
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Matthew Weiss, Linda Kerns, Brenda Strong, Justine Miceli, Shaun Toub, Michael Mcshane, Frank Van Keeken, Wayne Knight, Jocelyne Kelly, Noor Shic, Bart Braverman, Heidi Swedberg.
THE APOLOGY -- Episode 157 (12/11/97)
Jerry's girlfriend, Melissa, always likes to hang around the apartment naked and although Jerry likes it at first it begins to lose it's appeal quickly. Kramer realizes that he is losing alot of valuable time taking 1 hour showers and decides to study how other men take 10 minute showers. George is waiting for their old friend Jason Hanke to apologize for an incident that occurred 5 years ago as part of his 12 step AA program. Jason apologizes to everyone else but George. Elaine's co-worker, Peggy, is particularly germophobic in regards to Elaine and Elaine is offended so she decides to spread all her germs to Peggy, causing Peggy to get very ill.
Writer: Jennifer Crittenden
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Kathleen Mcclellan
THE STRIKE -- Episode 158 (12/18/97)
Jerry meets a beautiful woman, Gwen, at Tim Whatley's Hanukkah party and sets a date with her only to be greeted by a woman who looks like her evil twin sister. Elaine gives her fake phone number to a guy at the party who is wearing a denim vest, only to find out that the phone number belongs to an off track betting parlour. After being on strike for 12 years from H&H Bagels, Kramer goes back to work. George gives out phony 'human foundation' donation cards to all his co-workers at Kruger smoothing and receives great real gifts from everyone else. Frank Costanza revives his made up holiday 'Festivus' (his Latin word for party)and hosts a Festivus dinner at his house.
Writer: Dan O'keefe
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Bryan Cranston
THE DEALERSHIP -- Episode 159 (01/08/98)
Jerry, George, and Kramer go to a Saab dealer to buy Jerry a new car. Jerry hopes to get an 'insider' deal because Elaine's boyfriend Puddy is the salesman. George gets in an ugly confrontation with a service mechanic when he thinks the mechanic stole his Twix bar. Kramer goes for a long test drive with another salesman and tests the car's gas gauge. Elaine breaks up with Puddy and Jerry convinces them to get back together so his good deal stays intact.
Writer: Steve Koren
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Daniel Hagen
THE REVERSE PEEPHOLE -- Episode 160 (01/15/98)
Jerry realizes the joys of not using a wallet and decides to carry a purse instead. Elaine is appalled when she learns that Puddy has a fur coat. George keeps a mail order massage chair (ordered on behalf of the gang as a gift). Kramer and Newman install reverse peepholes on their doors.
Writer: Spike Feresten
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Patrick Warburton
THE CARTOON -- Episode 161 (01/29/98)
Jerry's true feelings about Sally Weaver's (Kathy Griffin) acting abilities become known when Kramer spills the beans and Sally skewers Jerry in her one-woman show. Kramer takes a vow of silence when Jerry figuratively tells him to keep his mouth shut. Elaine tries her hand at illustrating a New Yorker cartoon and it turns out to be a ziggy rip-off. George dates a woman (Tracy Nelson) who resembles Jerry.
Writer: Bruce Eric Kaplan
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Kathy Griffin, Tracy Nelson, Joe Urla, Paul Benedict, Wayne Knight, Bart Mccarthy, Stephanie Rose, Larisa Miller, John O'hurley
THE STRONGBOX -- Episode 162 (02/05/98)
George's girlfriend (Alex Kapp) refuses to agree to let him break up with her, so he tries to have an affair with a woman who won't sleep with him (Illeana Douglas). Elaine is attracted to a mysterious guy (Nicholas Paul Walker)who turns out to be married and broke. Kramer gets a strongbox to protect his valuables and hides the key in Jerry's apartment, but Jerry keeps finding it. Jerry unintentionally starts a feud with a neighbor (Louis Mustillo)and hopes to use a pair of Jerry Lewis' cufflinks to strike up a conversation with Lewis at a friar's club roast, but they get stuck in Kramer's strongbox when the neighbor's bird swallows the key.
Writer: Dan O'keefe
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Alex Kapp
THE WIZARD - Episode 163 (02/26/98)
Jerry buys a wizard electronic organizer as a birthday present for his father who uses it exclusively as a tip calculator. Kramer announces his retirement, immediately moves in next door to Helen and Morty at the condo complex in Florida, and runs for condo board president. Elaine wonders about her new boyfriend's race. George tells Susan Ross' parents that he has a house in the Hamptons and eventually must fess up to his lie when they make him drive them there.
Writer: Steve Lookner
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Samuel Bliss Cooper, Bahni Turpin, Warren Frost, Grace Zabriskie, Michael McShane, Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin, Edgar Small, Vic Helford, Jeanette Miller, Constance Zimmer, Catherine Paolone, Monty Ash, Murray Rubin
THE BURNING - Episode 164 (03/19/98)
George (Jason Alexander) tries to learn the art of leaving with the audience wanting more; Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld) has a new girlfriend (guest star Cindy Ambuehl) who has a secret in her past; Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) discovers that Puddy (guest star Patrick Warburton) is religious; and Kramer (Michael Richards) joins his actor friend Mickey (guest star Danny Woodburn) in pretending to suffer from various diseases.
Writer: Steve Lookner
Director: Andy Ackerman
THE BOOKSTORE - Episode 165 (04/09/98)
George takes an expensive book into a bookstore bathroom and is forced to buy it. After several failed attempts to return it, George realizes the book has been marked and is impossible to return or pawn. Jerry finds out from his parents that all older people shoplift a little. Jerry sees his Uncle Leo shoplifting books and asks security to scare him to teach him a lesson. The bookstore's security arrests and prosecutes Leo and Jerry has nightmares of Uncle Leo seeking revenge. The J. Peterman Co. has their annual party and everyone expects Elaine to dance, but she ends up getting drunk and making out with a new employee in front of the entire company. Kramer and Newman start a rickshaw company and hire the homeless to pull the rickshaws.
Writer: Spike Feresten
Director: Andy Ackerman
THE FROGGER - Episode 166 (04/16/98)
Jerry dates a woman who completes his sentences for him and lives in an area where 'The Lopper', a killer on the loose, is lurking. George buys a Frogger video game machine from a pizza place where he and Jerry used to hang out because his high score from ten years earlier still stands, but he needs to devise a way to get it out without losing power and wiping out the score. Kramer uses yellow police tape for a variety of purposes. Elaine is tired of office celebrations but gets hooked on eating the office cake. In an attempt to satisfy her cake craving, she inadvertantly eats a piece of cake from the 1936 wedding of King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson that Peterman acquired in an auction for $29,000.
Writer: Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin
Director: Andy Ackerman
THE MAID - Episode 167 (04/30/98)
Jerry hires a maid to clean his already clean apartment, sleeps with her, and feels weird abou the relationship because continues to pay her to clean. George wants to be nicknamed 'T-Bone' but a co-worker beats him to it. Elaine is forced to get a new phone number with a new area code when Kramer arranges to have restaurants fax their menus to her number. Kramer's girlfriend moves to Lower Manhattan, forcing him to deal with a 'long distance' relationship.
Writer: Alec Gerg & Dave Mandel & Jeff Schaffer and Kit Boss & Peter Mehlman
Director: Andy Ackerman
THE PUERTO RICAN DAY PARADE- Episode 168 (05/07/98)
The gang leaves a Mets game early and get stuck in a traffic jam because of a Puerto Rican Day Parade. While they're stuck, Jerry goes head-to-head with an aggressive driver who cut him off earlier. George goes into a movie theater and is tormented for the rest of the day by a guy with a laster pointer. Elaine tries to get home by cab and then leads a group escape attempt under the parade bleachers. Kramer goes in search of a bathroom and ducks into a million dollar brownstone that's for sale.
Writer: Alec Berg & David Mandel & Jeff Schaffer and Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin
Director: Andy Ackerman
THE FINALE - Episode 169 (05/14/98)
When NBC final decides to develop Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld) and George's (Jason Alexander) sitcom, they are thrilled. Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and Kramer (Michael Richards) join the excitement when the gang is given use of the network's private plan for a vacation to France. But when the plane develops engine trouble shortly after taking off and must land in a small Massachusetts town, their dreams of an idyllic Parisian vacation are dashed and the foursome become involved in a legal entanglement, forcing them to prove their good character. Numerous guest star from the series' nine-year run along with recurring characters Jerry Stiller, Estelle Harris, Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin and Wayne Knight.
Writer: Larry David
Director: Andy Ackerman