The Muffin Tops -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Written by: Spike Feresten Directed by: Andy Ackerman Broadcasted: May 8, 1997 for the first time. Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Melinda Clark (as Alex), Wayne Knight (as Newman), Rena Sofer (Mary Anne). -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Setting: NYC Street] (George is standing on the sidewalk, waiting for Jerry. A man with some luggage passes) MAN: Excuse me, would you mind watching my bag for a minute? GEORGE: Yeah, no problem. (Jerry comes back with a paper) JERRY: Let's go. GEORGE: Woah. I gotta watch this guy's bag. (Gestures tward the luggage) JERRY: For how long? GEORGE: I'm sure he'll be back in a second. (Picks up the bag, unzips it, and starts looking in it) Huh.. nice stuff. JERRY: (Impatiently) Come on.. (A man exits a nearby store, and passes George) GEORGE: Uh, excuse me, Sir. Would you, uh, would you mind watching my bag for a second? MAN: Why? So I can stand here like an idiot, not knowing if you'll ever come back? (Walks off, Jerry starts to follow him) GEORGE: Where are you going? JERRY: (Gesturing tward the man) I'm gonna be this guy's friend. (Walks off) (Scene ends) [Setting: Coffee Shop] (George enters, wearing unusual clothes. He takes off his coat, and sits across from Jerry.) JERRY: New clothes? GEORGE: Yeah, I did some shopping. Some, uh.. new clothes.. shopping. (Turns to the booth behind him) Oh, can I borrow your menu? (A man hands him a menu) JERRY: Strange.. for new pants, there's noticeable wear in the buttocks of those Chinos. (Puts 2 and 2 together) Wait! These are the clothes from the bag! GEORGE: The guy never came back. JERRY: he asked you to watch them. Not wear them! GEORGE: I'm still watching 'em! JERRY: You look like a tourist. GEORGE: Alright, alright. Let me ask you something.. when do you start to worry about ear hair? (Gestures tward his ear) JERRY: When you hear like, a soft rustling. GEORGE: Puberty that never stops.. ear puberty, nose puberty, knuckle puberty! You gotta be vigilant! .. Alright, let me ask you this: Do you know where Walker Street is? Downtown? I got a league meeting there. (Unfolds a map of NY) JERRY: Oh, right! The new job! How is it? GEORGE: I love it! New office, new salary! I'm the new Wilhelm! JERRY: So, who's the new you? GEORGE: (Looking at the map) They got an intern from Francis Louis High. His name is Keith.. he comes in Mondays after school.. (Jerry's girlfriend, Alex, enters) JERRY: Hey, Alex. ALEX: I'm sorry I'm late. Have you ordered yet? JERRY: No. ALEX: I'll be right back. (Heads tward the restroom) (Jerry makes a gesture as if to day "ta-da!") GEORGE: Where are you meeting these women?! When they get off the bus at the Port Authority? JERRY: Right here, George. (Gestures tward his heart) In here. Try opening this up; you'll find the biggest dating scene in the world. GEORGE: (Discouraged) Thanks. Thanks a lot. (Goes back to his map) (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment] (Kramer is rummaging through Jerry's couch for some change. Elaine enters, Kramer stops, putting the cushions back into place) KRAMER: Hey. ELAINE: Hey. KRAMER: Hi. ELAINE: Where's Jerry? KRAMER: Uh, well, he's in the shower. You want me to get him? (Moves tward the bathroom) ELAINE: No, no, no, no. Umm.. actually, I kinda need to speak to you. KRAMER: Oh. Uh.. well, let's sit down. (Points to the couch. Elaine sits down, Kramer sits down right next to her. Kramer awkwardly gets situated) ELAINE: Kramer.. (Clears her throat) remember that whole deal with you selling Peterman your stories for his book, and then he gave 'em back to you? KRAMER: Vaguely. ELAINE: Well, um, (Chuckles nervously) I was kind of, uh, short on material.. and, uh, I put them in the book anyway. KRAMER: You put my life stories in his autobiography? ELAINE: Kramer, listen.. It is such a stupid book - it doesn't matter. It- KRAMER: (Interrupting) No, no.. sure it matters. (Gets up) Wow. I've broken through, huh? Yeah, I'm part of popular culture, now. Listen, I have to thank Mr. Peterman. (Pointing at Elaine) ELAINE: He's doing a book signing at Waldenbooks this afternoon. KRAMER: Waldenbooks? That's a major chain, huh? (Jogs to Jerry's bathroom, opens the door, and draws the shower curtain back) Hey, Jerry! I'm going to Waldenbooks! JERRY: Ahh! Get out! Get out! I don't wan to live like this! (Kramer shuts the door, makes a gesture saying Jerry's crazy, then opens Jerry's door to leave) KRAMER: (To Elaine) Alright. Let's go. (Scene ends) [Setting: Waldenbooks] (Elaine meets up with her old boss, Mr. Lippman] ELAINE: Mr. Lippman! How are you? LIPPMAN: Well, I'm not bad. Not bad.. ELAINE: What are you doing here? LIPPMAN: I work for Pendant publishing. This is our book.. ELAINE: Ohh.. LIPPMAN: If you can call it that. Why is it that every half-wit and sit-com star has his own book out now? (Elaine shrugs) (Cut to Kramer. He joins Mr. Peterman behind the book signing table) KRAMER: Hey, buddy.. remember me? PETERMAN: (Dumbfounded) You're that gangly fellow we bought the stories from. KRAMER: Yeah, I'm just here to do my part. (Grabs a book from a customer in line) What's your name, darling? CUSTOMER: Who are you? KRAMER: Well, I'm uh.. I'm the real Peterman. (Fishes for a pen, finds one, then starts to sign the book) PETERMAN: (Fed up with Kramer) All right, playtime's over. (Tries to take the book from Kramer) KRAMER: Relax, man. There's enough juice here to keep us all fat and giggly. (Cut to Elaine. A worker is tending the dessert table) WORKER: (Holding up a muffin stump) I can't believe somebody pulled the top off this muffin. ELAINE: Oh, that was me. I'm sorry. I - I don't like the stumps. (Worker walks off) LIPPMAN: So, you just eat the tops? ELAINE: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunccy, it's explosive, it's.. it's where the muffin breaks free of the pan, and.. (does a slight dance) does its own thing. (Lippman and Elaine both laugh) I'll tell ya, that's a million-dollar idea right there. Just see the tops! (Cut to Kramer. Two of Waldenbook's employees are trying to escort him out) WORKER 2: Ok, let's go slice. That's enough. (Both grab Kramer's arms, and move him tward the exit) KRAMER: I have a right to be here! But these are my fans! Hey! You're hurting my elbow! (Excapes the workers, and leaves voluntarily) (Scene ends) [Setting: NYC Street] (George is looking at a map. He collides with another pedestrian) MAN: Try looking up, hay seed. (Walks off) (George runs into another man, causing the map to fall to the ground) MAN 2: You want to sight-see? Get on a bus. (Walks off) (A woman sees George's dilemma) WOMAN: Please don't think all New Yorkers are so rude. GEORGE: Oh, no. Actually, I'm a.. WOMAN: I'm Marie Ann. I work at the New York visitor's center. Where are you visiting from? GEORGE: (Sees how attractive Marie Ann is) Little Rock, Arkansas. (They shake hands) MARIE ANN: Ohh! (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's bathroom] (Jerry just got done shaving, he's humming to imself, and observing himself in the mirror. He looks at this chest hair) JERRY: Hmm.. that looks new.. (Looks pensively at his razor) (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment] KRAMER: So get this: Peterman has his henchmen forcefully eject me from the book signing! Like I'm some sort of maniac! JERRY: (Jerry looks worried. He's pacing back and forth) Yeah.. That - That's too bad. KRAMER: What's the matter with you? JERRY: Nothing. KRAMER: No, no, no. Don't give me that. I know you.. Something's wrong. What is it? What happened? JERRY: (Fast; quivering) I did something stupid. KRAMER: What'd you do? JERRY: Well, I was shaving.. KRAMER: Yeah? JERRY: Well, I noticed and asymmetry in my chest hair. And I was trying to even it out.. and the next thing I knew.. (high-pitched) gone! KRAMER: Don't you know you're not suppose to poke around down there?! JERRY: Well, women do it! KRAMER: (High-pitched; mocking) "Well, women do it!" (Normal voice) Well, I'll tell you what - I'll pick you up a sun dress, and a parasol, and you can just (high-pitched) sashay your pretty little self around the town square! JERRY: Well, what am I gonna tell Alex? KRAMER: Listen to me, you don't tell anyone about this. No one. You hear me? JERRY: Mm-hmm. (Enter George) GEORGE: Hey. KRAMER: Hey! Jerry shaved his chest! JERRY: Hey! KRAMER: I forgot! Wait, (to George) Nevermind. (George's confused) (Scene ends) [Setting: Central Park] (Jerry and Alex are walking on a sidewalk) ALEX: How about the beach this weekend? JERRY: (Trying to avoid the showing of his chest) Oh, well.. You couldn't pay me enough to go to a beach on a weekend. I mean, it's hard enough to park.. ALEX: (Interrupting) Alright, alright. (They walk past a woman sitting on a bench with her dog) Oh, wow! Is that a mexican hairless? I love these! (Starts to pet it) Ohh.. hairless - this is where it's at. It's so much more smoother and cleaner. JERRY: (Ponders his situation) Really? (Scene ends) [Setting: NYC Street] (Elaine walks by a new store, and reads the title) ELAINE: "Top Of The Muffin To You!" ? (Walks into the store) LIPPMAN: Top of the muffin to you- (Sees her) Elaine! ELAINE: Mr. Lippman? (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment] JERRY: So you're pretending to be a tourist? GEORGE: It's beautiful. She makes all the plans - I'm not from around here, so it's okay if I'm stupid.. And she knows I'm only in town visiting, so there's no messy break-ups. JERRY: How do you explain your apartment? GEORGE: I got a hotel room. JERRY: You moved itno a hotel? GEORGE: Well, I don't know anyone here, Jerry. Where else am I gonna stay? JERRY: (Changing subject) So, get this: We're in the park today, Alex goes wild for this hairless dog. GEORGE: (Not getting it) So? JERRY: So, I figured since she likes one hairless animal, (Smiling) why not another? GEORGE: Ohh, really? JERRY: Yes. GEORGE: You tell her you shaved it? JERRY: Are you nuts? I don't want her to think I'm one of these low-rise briefs guys who shaves his chest. (A horn from outside honks twice, Jerry and George move tward the window) KRAMER: Hey! Jerry! (The blinds go up. George and Jerry see Kramer behind the wheel of a bus labeled "The Peterman Reality Tour") I'm starting a Peterman reality bus tour! (Slaps the side of the bus) Check it out! (Laughs) GEORGE: A reality tour? JERRY: The last thing this guy's qualified to give a tour of is reality. (Scene ends) [Setting: "Top Of The Muffin To You!" store] ELAINE: This was my idea! You stole my idea! LIPPMAN: Elaine, these ideas aer all in the air! They're in the air! ELAINE: Oh, well, then, if that air is coming out of (points to her face) this face, then it is my air - and my idea! LIPPMAN: (Annoyed) You want a muffin or not? ELAINE: (Upset) Peach. (Scene ends) [Setting: Coffee Shop] MARIE ANN: So, I've noticed you don't have much of an accent. GEORGE: Yeah, my parents have it. Sometimes it skips a generation. MARIE ANN: Hmm. Look, George, I'm really enjoying spending time with you, but, I'm not sure this is going to work out. At some point, you're going back to your job at Tyler chicken, and your 3-legged dog, Willie. GEORGE: (Suddenly sorrowful) Willie.. yeah.. MARIE ANN: And I'm still gonna be here. GEORGE: Well, what if I told you I'm thinkin' of moving here? MARIE ANN: (Laughs slightly) George! No offence, but this city would eat you alive. (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment] JERRY: (To George) You're moving to New York?! That's fantastic! I can see you all the time, now! GEORGE: Eat me alive, huh? We'll see who can make it in this town, Hu-ho! JERRY: What is it she thinks you can't do? GEORGE: Find a job.. get an apartment.. JERRY: How did you do those things? GEORGE: (Irritated) Nevermind. They're done. All I have to do now is re-do them.. You know, if you take every thing I've accomplished in my entire life, and condense it down into one day, it looks decent. (Enter Kramer) JERRY: Hey, what were you doing with that bus yesterday? KRAMER: (Hands out fliers to Jerry and George) Here you go, here you go.. Check it out! (Clicks his tongue) JERRY: (Reading the flier) "The Real Peterman Reality Bus Tour" .. I'm confused. KRAMER: The Peterman book is big business. People want to know the stories behind the stories. JERRY: Nobody wants to go on a 3-hour bus tour of a totally unknown person's life! KRAMER: I'm only charging $37.50 - Plus, you get a pizza bagel, and dessert. GEORGE: What's dessert? KRAMER: Bite-size 3 Musketeers.. Just like the real J. Peterman eats. GEORGE: He eats those? KRAMER: No, I eat those. I'm the real Peterman. JERRY: I don't-- GEORGE: (Interrupting) Wait a minute, I think I understand this. J. Peterman is real. His biography is not. Now, you, Kramer, are real. KRAMER: Talk to me! GEORGE: But your life is Peterman's. Now, the bus tour, which is real, takes you to places that, while they are real, they are not real in the sense that they did not really happen to the real Peterman - which is you. (Points to Kramer. Kramer makes a "ta-da!" gesture) KRAMER: (To Jerry) Understand? JERRY: yeah, it's $37.50 for a 3 Musketeers. (Scene ends) [Setting: Coffee Shop] LIPPMAN: Elaine, I'm in over my head. Nobody likes my muffin tops. ELAINE: So? What do you want me to do about it? LIPPMAN: You're the muffin top expert. Tell me, uh, what I'm doing wrong. ELAINE: Mr. Lippman, when I worked for you at Pendant Publishing, I believed in you, you know? As a man of integrity. But, when I saw you in that.. paper hat, and that apron-- LIPPMAN: (Interrupting) What if I cut you in for 30% of the profits? ELAINE: Deal. Here's your problem: You're making just the muffin tops. LIPPMAN: What do you mean? ELAINE: You gotta make the whole muffin.. then, (picks up a muffin) you.. (pulls the top off) pop the top, toss the stump. Taste. (Lippman takes a bite) Mm? LIPPMAN: Uh-huh. ELAINE: Uh-huh? yeah. LIPPMAN: (Pointing) So, what do we do with the bottoms? ELAINE: I don't know. Give 'em to a soup kitchen. LIPPMAN: That's a good idea. ELAINE: ..And one more thing. Do you really think we need the exclamation point? Because, it's not: Top Of The Muffin TO YOU! LIPPMAN: No, no. It's is! (Elaine looks confused) (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment] (Kramer enters wearing a bath robe. There are various female shaving items on Jerry's table) KRAMER: Hey, Jerry. (Picks up a razor from the table) What's this? "Lady Gillette"?! Oh, what's going on? (Goes back to the bathroom) Hey.. (pushes the door open, hiting Jerry in the process. Jerry pokes his head around the door) JERRY: What?! Can I get a moment's peace? KRAMER: What are you doing to yourself? (Jerry comes out of the bathroom, his chest is covered with shaving cream) JERRY: I can't stop! (Kramer freaks out at the sight) Alex thinks I'm naturally hairless! KRAMER: What? You can't keep this up! Don't you know what's gonna happen? Everytime you shave it, it's gonna come in thicker, and fuller, and darker! JERRY: Oh, that's an old wive's tale! KRAMER: Is it?! (Moves back tward Jerry's room, so he's out of the camera's sight) Look at this!! (Jerry starts freaking out. He backs up tward the wall, his face in a disgusted state) JERRY: What is - What is that!? KRAMER: (High-pitched screaming) Look at it! Look at it! (moments later, he comes into the living room, tieing up his robe) It's all me! I shaved there when I was a lifeguard. JERRY: Oh, come on! That's genetic. That's not gonna happen to me! KRAMER: Won't it? Or has it already.. started to happen? (Scene ends) [Setting: "Top Of The Muffin To You!" Store] ELAINE: Wow! Look at this. We're cleaning up. LIPPMAN: (to a Co-worker) Oh, Ruben, get me another tray of, uh, low-fat cranberry, please. (Elaine joyfully laughs. A woman walks in) WOMAN: Excuse me, I'm Rebecca DeMornay from the homeless shelter. ELAINE: Ohh.. (smiling) Hi. REBECCA: ARe you the ones leaving those muffin pieces behind our shelter? ELAINE: You've been enjoying them? REBECCA: They're just stumps! ELAINE: Well, they're perfectly edible. REBECCA: Oh, so you just assumed that the homeless will eat them? They'll eat anything?! LIPPMAN: No, no. We just thought- REBECCA: (Interrupting) I know what you just though! "They don't have homes! They don't have jobs! What do they need the top of a muffin for?! They're lucky to get the stumps!" ELAINE: If the homeless don't like 'em, the homeless don't have to eat them, ok? REBECCA: The homeless DON'T like them! ELAINE: Fine! REBECCA: We've never gotten so many complaints! Every 2 minutes - "Where's the top of this muffin?", "Who at the rest of this?!" ELAINE: We were just trying to help! REBECCA: Why don't you just drop off some chicken skins and lobster shells!? ELAINE: (Angry) I think I might! (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment] (Everything is boxed up, so Marie Ann would believe George is just now moving into it) MARIE ANN: I can't believe you found something so quickly. (Inspecting apartment) How much are you paying? GEORGE: (Gloatingly) 23 hundred. MARIE ANN: Ouch. A month? GEORGE: (Disturbed) Yeah. MARIE ANN: Well.. I guess that's all right for now, but if you stay here more than a month, you're a real sucker. GEORGE: Yeah, wel, I uh, I got lots of other stuff to show you, too. (Moving tward the door) Wait till you see the plum job I landed. MARIE ANN: Yeah. We should let this place air-out anyways. It smells like the last tennant had monkeys, or something. (Leaves. George checkingly smells his underarms) (Scene ends) [Setting: The Peterman Reality Bus] KRAMER: (Through intercom) Okay, coming up on the right, if you glance up, you can just make out my bedroom window. It's the one that's covered in chicken wire. CUSTOMER 1: Hey, if you're the real Peterman, how come you're wearing those ratty clothes? KRAMER: What? CUSTOMER 1: Well, they - they're not very romantic.. KRAMER: (Defensively through the intercom) Well, that's your opinion. CUSTOMER 2: Can I have another 3 Musketeers? They're rather small. KRAMER: (Through intercom) Forget it! (Getting back to the tour) Okay, uh, Newman's postal route is around here, somehwere.. CUSTOMER 3: Who's Newman? CUSTOMER 4: Who cares?! CUSTOMER 5: Hey, Fake Peterman, Let me off! I'm nauseous! CUSTOMER 2: Can I have his candy bar? KRAMER: Ahhh! Everyone just settle down! Ok, we got 3 hours left on this thing, and I can't drive and argue with you rubes at the same time!.. (Getting back to the tour) Okay! Uh, Lomez's place of worship is right on the right, here.. (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment] JERRY: Why do I have to go on the tour? KRAMER: Jerry, you're a minor celebrity. You know, if you go on this thing, it could create a minor stir. Come on, you can bring that little girlfriend of yours, and I'll only charge you 60 bucks. (Enter Elaine) ELAINE: Hey. JERRY: Hey, how's business? ELAINE: Ohh, I got stump trouble. (Kramer moves to the phone) The sanitation department won't get rid of 'em all, I can't get a truck to haul this stuff until next week. Meanwhile, I'm sitting on a mountain of stumps. JERRY: Mm-hmm. KRAMER: (Hangs up) Alright, I got to hose the puke off the floor of the bus. (Moves tward the door, Elaine stops him) ELAINE: Bus? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.. Bus? You got a bus? KRAMER: Yeah, yeah. ELAINE: You got any room on that thing? KRAMER: yeah, there are still a few seats available. ELAINE: Do you think you could transport some stumps for me? I'll make it worth your while.. KRAMER: Well, if they don't mind sitting in the back.. ELAINE: (Smiling) No, they don't. KRAMER: Are they war veterans? (Elaine looks confused) (Scene ends) [Setting: George's office at Yankee Stadium] MARIE ANN: Wow! This is your office? (George chuckles, Steinbrenner walks in) STEINBRENNER: Oh, hello. Sorry, George. Didn't know you had a girl in here. Leave a signal on the door knob, like a necktie, or sock, or something. Come on, help me out. MARIE ANN: Mister Steinbrenner, I would like to thank you for taking a chance on a hen supervisor at Tyler chicken like our boy, George here. (Puts her arm around George) STEINBRENNER: Hen supervisor from Tyler chicken? GEORGE: yes, very nice for her to have mentioned.. (George and Marie Ann start to leave) STEINBRENNER: Waaait a minute, George. (Marie Ann leaves) GEORGE: (Calling after her) Be right with you! (To Seinbrenner) Look, Mr - Mr. Steinbrenner.. STEINBRENNER: Moonlighting for Tyler chicken. Pretty impressive, George. Days with the Yankess, and nights in Arkansas with a top-flight bird outfit. And a hen supervisor, to boot! I am blown. Blown away! (Arms flailing) Blown, George! Blow-ow-ow-ow-own! (Scene ends) [Setting: Peterman Reality Tour Bus] ALEX: (Looking at her pizza bagel) You know, whey you make a pizza bagel, you really shouldn't use cinnimon rasin. JERRY: You also shouldn't use a donut. (Kramer climbs into the bus, stumbling. He hits the play button on a casette player, banjo music plays) KRAMER: Alright, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Peterman Reality Tour. (The tape playes Kramer saying "Turn music off". He turns the player off) JERRY: Kramer, can we just go? KRAMER: (Through intercom) And go we will! CUSTOMER 1: What is this? (Holds up his pizza bagel) A pizza pound cake? KRAMER: (Through intercom) Well, we have a bonus ultra reality stop today. We're going to be hauling muffin stumps to the local repository. CUSTOMER 2: We're going to a garbage dump? KRAMER: (Through intercom) And, we're off! JERRY: (To Alex) You know, I never thought he'd be able to recreate the experience of actually knowing him - but this is pretty close. (Kramer's figiting with the controls, the gears of the bus start to grind) (Scene ends) [Setting: George Steinbrenner's office] (Steinbrenner is on the phone with Typer chicken) STEINBRENNER: Don Tyler? George Steinbrenner here. I want to talk about George Costanza. I understand he's been dividing his time between us and you. I can not have that. (Cut to Tyler's office) TYLER: Well, I don't know who he is, but if you wnat him that bad, I'm not giving him up that easy. (Cut to Steinbrenner) STEINBRENNER: Oh, is that so? Playing a little hard ball, eh, Donny-boy? (Cut to Tyler) TYLER: How about this: You give me Costanza, I convert your concessions to all chicken - no charge. Instead of hotdogs - chicken dogs. Instead of pretzels - chicken twists. Instead of beer - alcoholic chicken. (Cut to Steinbrenner) STEINBRENNER: How do you make that alcoholic chicken? (Cut to Tyler) TYLER: Ah, let if ferment. Just like anything else. (Cut to Steinbrenner) STEINBRENNER: That stuff sounds great. Alright, I'll have Costanza on the next bus! (Scene ends) [Setting: Garbage dump entrance] (Kramer goes to dump the muffin stumps. A guard stops him) GUARD: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.. Where do you think you're going? KRAMER: Well, I was gonna dump this. GUARD: That doesn't look like garbage. KRAMER: Well, it's muffin stumps. GUARD: Where are the muffin tops? KRAMER: This is a garbage dump. Just let me dump it! GUARD: Can't do it. KRAMER: Is this a joke? GUARD: That's what I'd like to know about it. (Cut to Jerry and Alex on the bus) ALEX: You have a pretty heavy beard, don't you? JERRY: What's that? ALEX: Well, look. It's almost time for you to shave again. JERRY: Oh.. yeah. (Strokes his face) (Kramer gets on the bus, and yells after the guard) KRAMER: Well, maybe I will take it up with consumer affairs! (Through intercom) Well, huh.. ladies and gentlemen, you're in for an additional treat. We're going to extend the tour at no charge. CUSTOMER 2: Where are we going? KRAMER: (Looking at a map) I don't know. Huh - (through intercom) No more questions. (Scene cuts to Kramer arguing with a dump guard, to a woman on the bus throwing up, then to Kramer falling asleep on the horn. It honks, waking him back up) (Scene ends) [Setting: Cafe] WAITRESS: So.. the New York Yankees traded you for a bunch of Tyler chicken? GEORGE: (Depressed) Dogs.. twists.. some kind of fermented.. chicken drink. (The man from the begining of the episode walks in) MAN: Hey, aren't you the guy I asked to watch my clothes? GEORGE: What clothes? MAN: (Pointing at George's clothes) These clothes. The one's you're wearing! (Scene ends) [Setting: Peterman Reality Tour Bus] (Jerry's getting restless) JERRY: (whispering) Kramer, how much longer? KRAMER: (Taken by surprise) Huh? JERRY: My chest hair's growing back, and it's itching me like crazy! I can't let her see me scratch it! KRAMER: Oh, don't worry. I got a good feeling about this dump. JERRY: I tell you, man.. I'm losing it! (Swiftly returns to his seat) (Kramer exits the bus. Jerry looks out the window, sees a full moon) JERRY: I can't sit on this bus anymore! (A dog outside barks) I, I think I'll go play with that dog! (Dramatically runs out of the bus) (Cut to Kramer arguing with a dumb guard) KRAMER: I don't know where the tops are! (Jerry runs past Kramer, and into the woods) Jerry! What's the matter? (Jerry runs to a tree, and starts scratching his chest. A wolf howls in the distance) JERRY: Aaaaeeeoooooooo! That feels good! (Scene ends) [Setting: Cafe] (Marie Ann enters) WAITRESS: Oh, hey, you looking for George? MARIE ANN: Yes. WAITRESS: He's been in the bathroom a while, you might want to check on him. (Marie Ann goes to the bathroom, opens to door, and finds George in his underwear, talking on a pay phone) GEORGE: (Not knowing Marie Ann is there; He talks into the phone) Jerry! You gotta bring me some clothes down here! I lost my job with the Yankees, I'm standing in a men's room at 43rd street in my underpants! MARIE ANN: (Speaks up) I told you this city would eat you alive.. (She leaves) (Scene ends) [Setting: "Top Of The Muffin To You!" Store] LIPPMAN: So, what's this guy, again? ELAINE: They call him a cleaner. He makes problems go away. (Newman enters. He's carrying a black bag, and wearing dark sunglasses) NEWMAN: Hello, Elaine. (Takes the sunglasses off) Where are they? ELAINE: (Gesturing with her head) In the back. NEWMAN: Alright. I'm gonna need a clean 8 ounce glass. LIPPMAN: What is going on here? NEWMAN: If I'm curt, then I apologize. But as I understand it, we have a situation here, and time is of the essence. (Lippman hands him a glass. Newman goes into the back room, removes some milk jars from his bag, and begins eating the muffins stumps from the huge pile. He nods his head in approval, and takes a drink) END OF EPISODE.