SEASON 8
THE FOUNDATION -- Episode 127 (09/19/96)

The episode begins at Susan's grave, where Jerry inadvertently makes a comment inspiring her parents to start a foundation in her name. George is named to the trustee board of the foundation where he realizes he is now spending more time thinking about her than he did when she was alive. Jerry will also announce that he and Jeannie have called off their engagement in a mutual breakup. Kramer takes up karate and is advancing quickly. Jerry's suspicious of Kramer's rapid advancement, investigates, and discovers Kramer is actually taking a class for kids. Elaine is left in charge of the J. Peterman catalog as Mr. Peterman resumes travels around the world.

Writer: Alec Berg, Jeff Shaffer
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Bruce Davison, Warren Frost, Grace Zabriskie


THE SOUL MATE -- Episode 128 (09/26/96)

Kramer falls in love with a girl, Pam, who Jerry is currently dating. Kramer realizes this is the first time he has ever really been in love and becomes tongue-tied around the girl. Kramer turns to Newman for advice as Newman becomes 'Cyrano' to Kramer, feeding him lines from behind a bookshelf so Kramer can woo the girl. George believes that Wyck, the chairman of the foundation, thinks George killed Susan and George sets up an elaborate plan to tape the board meetings after he leaves. Elaine decides she does not want children and meets a man, Fred, who does not want children also; only to learn he will say and do anything to please Elaine. Fred decides to get a vasectomy to make Elaine happy.

Note: Elaine chops her hair short!

Writer: Peter Mehlman
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Wayne Knight, Bruce Davison


THE BIZARRO JERRY -- Episode 129 (10/03/96)

Elaine breaks up with Kevin but he still wants to hang out as friends. George leads Kramer to the 'best' bathroom in town, which is in an investment office, and as he leaves the bathroom he is caught in a crowd of workers and accidentally attends a meeting in the conference room. Kramer continues to work at the investment office, working long hours, leaving Jerry feeling very alone. Jerry goes out with Elaine's pretty friend, Gillian, and discovers she has huge 'man hands.' George shows a picture of Gillian, to a beautiful receptionist, Amanda, and tells her that Gillian is his deceased fiancé. Gillian's beauty makes George more attractive to Amanda and she takes him out to a hot night spot full of beautiful models. Elaine meets Kevin's friends, Gene and Feldman, who are really nice, generous and love to read, the exact opposite of George and Kramer. Elaine has entered into the bizarro world of Jerry, George and Kramer.

Writer: Dave Mandel
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Tim Dekay, Kristin Bauer, Justina Vail


THE LITTLE KICKS -- Episode 130 (10/10/96)

Elaine throws a party at J. Peterman to reward them for good work and leads the crowd in a dance. When she starts to dance, her staff loses complete respect for her. George meets Elaine's employee, Anna, at Elaine's party, and begins dating her. Elaine thinks that George is the cause of her staff losing respect and tells Anna that George is a bad seed which makes Anna more attracted to him. Jerry, Kramer and Kramer's friend Brody, get tickets to a sneak preview of 'Death Blow' and Brody films the movie with a camcorder to bootleg the tape. Brody gets sick in the movie and forces Jerry, at gun point, to continue taping the movie for him. Jerry does such a good job that Brody asks him to tape another sneak preview. Jerry tells Elaine that her dancing is the cause of her problems at work so Elaine tells Anna that George is not a bad seed, which causes Anna to lose interest in George. George decides to add more danger in his life by bootlegging a sneak preview and gets caught by the police. Elaine's 'dance' is captured on one of the bootlegs and the entire city begins mocking Elaine's dance. (the 'mock-Elaina'?)

Writer: Spike Feresten
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Rebecca Mcfarland, Neil Giuntoli, Jerry Stiller


THE PACKAGE -- Episode 131 (10/17/96)

Elaine goes to the doctor for a rash problem and learns that her chart indicates that she is 'difficult.' Elaine's chart follows her from doctor to doctor. Kramer tries to cash in on mail insurance for Jerry by breaking Jerry's old stereo and mailing it to him and blaming the postal service. Not knowing the contents of the package, Jerry refuses to open the package. The post man runs into Uncle Leo and he signs for Jerry's package and opens the package while on the phone with Jerry and Jerry hears an explosion. Uncle Leo put a can of oven cleaner too close to the pilot light and Uncle Leo's mustache and eyebrows are singed off. After picking up photos at a photo lab, George has a semi-nude photo of a beautiful woman in his pictures and mistakenly thinks that the photo is that of the store clerk, Sheila and that Sheila is flirting with him. Kramer takes provocative pictures of George so that Sheila can develop them. Newman conducts a full investigation of Jerry's mail fraud.

Writer: Jennifer Crittenden
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Len Lesser, Wayne Knight, Heather Campbell


THE FATIGUES -- Episode 132 (10/31/96)

Elaine becomes scared of her mailroom employee, Eddie Sherman, and instead of firing him, she promotes him to copywriter at J. Peterman. Eddie dresses in fatigues everyday and constantly writes about death and doom. Jerry meets his girlfriend, Abby's mentor, Cynthia, and learns that Cynthia is dating Kenny Bania. Abby gets into a fight with Cynthia over Bania's horrible stand-up act and they are no longer mentor-protege. George must give a speech on 'risk management' to the company, but has difficulty reading the textbook. George becomes Abby's new mentor and he asks her to read the book and do a report on 'risk management'. Jerry feels sorry for Bania and offers to help him with his stand-up act, especially the Ovaltine bit. Kramer is running a Jewish singles night at the Knights of Columbus for almost 200 people and has difficulty cooking 'delicious Jewish delicacies.' Kramer turns to Frank Costanza for help. Frank must overcome the terrible 'incident' which occurred when he was a cook in the Korean war. Abby and Jerry get their notes mixed up and Bania does a bit on risk management and George delivers a speech on Ovaltine.

Writer: Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Ned Bellamy, A. J. Langer, Katie Layman


THE CHECKS -- Episode 133 (11/07/96)

Jerry cramps his hand signing hundreds of royalty checks, each worth 12 cents, for a one second clip of him in the opening credits of a Japanese comedy show. Elaine starts dating Brett, a manufacturer of expensive Carl Farbman furniture. Brett gives Kramer a set of very deep Farbman cabinets. Kramer meets 3 Japanese tourists and lets them sleep in his Farbman cabinets because they are running out of money. George gets his carpets cleaned by known religious cult recruiters, Sunshine Carpet Cleaners, and is upset when they don't try to recruit him but recruit Mr. Wilhelm. George and Kramer try to sell Jerry's pilot to Japanese television.

Writer: Steve O'donnell, Tom Gammill, Max Pross
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: James Patrick Stuart, Richard Herd


THE CHICKEN ROASTER -- Episode 134 (11/14/96)

Jerry runs into an old classmate, Seth, and convinces him to skip a meeting and catch up over lunch. Seth gets fired because he misses the meeting and gets a job at Kenny Rogers Roasters. Kramer cannot sleep because the new red Kenny Rogers Roasters sign shines brightly in his window. Because Jerry is a sound sleeper, Jerry and Kramer switch apartments until Kramer figures out a way to get rid of Kenny Rogers Roasters. Newman and Kramer fall in love with the chicken at Kenny Rogers Roasters, which helps keep them in business. Elaine is caught charging large personal items to the Peterman account and must produce an expensive sable hat that she charged for George. George leaves his hat at his date Heather's house in order to call her to get a second date. Elaine travels to Burmese to find J. Peterman so he can sign off on the expensive hat.

Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Mark Roberts, Wayne Knight, Kymberly Kalil


THE ABSTINENCE -- Episode 135 (11/21/96)

Elaine and George discover that abstinence from sex can have different side effects. For instance, when George's new girlfriend says she won't have sex with him, George's mental faculties are suddenly sharpened. Conversely, abstinence makes Elaine "a moron." Meanwhile, Kramer and Jerry get into it when Jerry gets bumped from Career Day at his old junior high. Kramer, of course, suggest the worst. Later, Kramer is reunited with attorney Jackie Chiles in a lawsuit against the tobacco companies when his face is ruined after setting up a smoking lounge in his apartment. "Look away, I'm hideous!" Kramer says to Jerry.

Writer: Steve Koren
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Tamara Bink, Debra Jo Rupp, Bob Odenkirk, Phil Morr


THE ANDREA DORIA -- Episode 136 (12/19/96)

George and fellow tenant, Clarence Eldridge must convince the tenant's association that he is more worthy of the bigger newly vacated apartment. Mr. Eldridge is receiving more sympathy as he is a survivor of the Andrea Doria until George begins to tell his life story concluding with Susan's tragic death. Jerry helps Newman deliver 8 bags of mail in order for Newman to get transferred to Hawaii and be out of Jerry's life forever. Kramer develops a terrible cough which resembles a cough of a dog, Smuckers. Kramer takes Smuckers to the vet and gets the dog some medicine, which Kramer immediately takes. Kramer develops dog-like characteristics, inaudible speech, biting etc.... Elaine begins dating Alan, who has a reputation of being extremely mean to his ex-girlfriends, driving them to a point of physically hurting him. Elaine doesn't believe this until he tells her she has a big head.

Writer: Spike Feresten
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Ray Stricklyn, Wayne Knight, Tom Gallop


THE LITTLE JERRY -- Episode 137 (01/09/97)

Kramer buys a chicken (which is actually a rooster) in order to have farm fresh eggs, and names him 'little Jerry Seinfeld.' Jerry bounces a check at the Bodega and the owner, Marcelino, hangs it in the window for all to see. Marcelino agrees to take the check out of the window if Kramer allows little Jerry Seinfeld to fight in a cockfight in the back of his store. George visits the women's prison which has received a large fund from the foundation and begins a relationship with an inmate, Celia. This relationship seems to be perfect because he still has his nights free, no opportunity for 'pop-ins', etc... Elaine discovers that her new bald boyfriend, Kurt, actually has a wonderful head of hair and he begins to grow it for her. As Kurt's hair grows in, he and Elaine realize that he is really balding and Kurt begins to take on a 'bald man' personality. Helen and Morty Seinfeld get word from Uncle Leo that Jerry bounced a check at the Bodega.

Writer: Jennifer Crittenden
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Miguel Sandoval, Andrea Bendewald


THE MONEY -- Episode 138 (01/16/97)

Helen and Morty Seinfeld visit Jerry and tell him they sold the Cadillac to Jack Klompus because they think Jerry needs money after he bounced a check at the Bodega. Jerry secretly flies to Florida to buy back the cadillac from Jack Klompus but Jack has an accident driving it into the swamp. Kramer has difficulty falling asleep with his new girlfriend, Emily, and proposes that after having sex with one another they go to their respective homes. Kramer thinks that someone is trying to break into his apartment and moves into Estelle and Frank Costanza's house. George realizes that his parents, Estelle and Frank have saved a lot of money and he must decide what his parents should do with their money - 1) spend the money and move to Del Boca Vista and free George of his misery or 2)stay in New York and torment George but leave their money to him. Kramer convinces the Costanza's to start spending their money and move to Florida. Morty Seinfeld thinks he should take another job to help Jerry's financial condition and Elaine gets him a job at J. Peterman.

Writer: Peter Mehlman
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin, Sandy Baron


THE COMEBACK -- Episode 139 (1/30/97)

Jerry buys an expensive tennis racquet recommended from the pro-shop guy, Milos, only later to discover that Milos is a terrible tennis player. Milos is concerned that Jerry will tell people about his poor tennis skills so he offers his beautiful wife, Patty to him. George stuffs his face with shrimp during a meeting and Reilly makes a joke of him eating all the shrimp in the ocean. George cannot think of a quick comeback as the others laugh at him. George finally thinks of a comeback and gets ready to use it on Reilly but Reilly has taken a new job in Ohio. George flies to Ohio to use his comeback and it backfires. Kramer is heart-broken after watching the woman go into a coma in 'the other side of midnight' and decides to have an attorney write up an agreement that in the event that Kramer is in a coma, Elaine must pull the plug. After watching the end of the movie when the lady comes out of the coma, Kramer changes his mind and is frantic to get to the attorney to change his agreement, but is fearful he will get into an accident before he can change it. Elaine rents movies from the 'employee's pick' section and has grown fond of 'Vincent's picks.' Vincent calls her at home and she feels a connection with him even though she has never seen him. Elaine rents another employee's pick, offending Vincent, and when she goes to him and apologizes, she learns that he is a 15 year old boy.

Writer: Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Mark Harelik, Ivana Milicevic, Joel Polis


THE VAN BUREN BOYS -- Episode 140 (02/06/97)

Jerry is dating the perfect girl, Ellen, who is beautiful, smart and funny - but no one likes her including George and Kramer. Curious for someone else's opinion, Jerry flies his parents, Helen and Morty Seinfeld in to meet Ellen. George is asked to interview candidates for the first Susan Ross foundation scholarship and selects a young boy, Steven Koren who has a 2.0 g.p.a. and aspirations of being an architect. J. Peterman assigns Elaine to ghost write his autobiography, but after Elaine realizes that Peterman lives a rather boring private life, they agree to buy Kramer's life stories from him. After Kramer sells all his stories, he has nothing to talk about, so he buys Newman's footbath story for $8.00. Kramer runs into trouble with the Van Buren Boys at a pizza place but coincidentally flashes them their secret sign leading them to believe he was a Van Buren Boy.

Writer: Darin Henry
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Christine Taylor, Liz Sheridan, Barney Martin


THE SUSIE -- Episode 141 (2/13/97)

A nice older co-worker, Peggy, thinks Elaine's name is 'Susie' and Elaine feels sorry for her so she does not correct her. They get into a fight at work and Elaine realizes that she must get rid of Susie, so she pretends that Susie committed suicide. Jerry and Kramer run into Mike Moffet who has started a bookie business and Kramer places a bet with Mike with Jerry's money. The bet pays off but Mike can't pay Jerry yet. Jerry accidentally closes his trunk on Mike's hands, breaking his fingers, and Mike accidentally gets pushed into Jerry's trunk leading Mike to believe that Jerry will kill him if he doesn't come up with the money. George avoids his girlfriend, Allison, to prevent her from breaking up with him until after they attend the big Yankee ball. Allison offers Kramer unlimited Knicks tickets if he breaks up with George for her. Elaine and J. Peterman speak at 'Susie's' memorial service.

Writer: David Mandel
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Megan Cole, Lee Arenberg, Shannon Kenny


THE POTHOLE -- Episode 142 (02/20/97)

Jerry accidentally drops his girlfriend, Jenna's, toothbrush into the toilet and she unknowingly uses it. Jerry refuses to kiss her and then Jenna drops something of Jerrys into the toilet, but won't tell him what she dropped. George loses his keys in a pothole which is covered up and he must jack hammer them out. Kramer adopts a highway and decides to widen the lanes in his mile. Elaine is unable to order a delicious fish dish from 'the cina panda' because she is out of their delivery range, so she temporarily sets up 'house' in a janitor closet across the street for her deliveries.

Writer: Steve O'donnell, Dan O'keefe
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Kristin Davis, Wayne Knight, George Kee Cheung


THE ENGLISH PATIENT -- Episode 143 (03/13/97)

Elaine goes with Blaine to see 'The English Patient' and she hates it. Blaine and Elaine's friends turn on her because she doesn't love 'The English Patient.' Jerry goes to Florida to help his parents, Morty and Helen move back to Del Boca Vista. Kramer asks Jerry to bring him back some cubans and Jerry is surprised when three Cuban men arrive to travel with Jerry back to New York. Kramer has recruited Cuban men to roll cigars for cigar investors. Jerry doesn't believe that 80 year old Izzy Mandelbaum can lift more than him and challenges him in Mory's gym. Izzy throws his back out. Izzy Jr., and Izzy Sr. Visit Izzy and challenge Jerry to a lifting contest and they also throw their backs out. with all the Mandelbaums laid up, their magic pan restaurant might shut down until Kramer' Cubans, who are really Dominicans, take over rolling the crepes at the restaurant. George is mistaken for beautiful Danielle's boyfriend, Neil, and George is determined to meet Neil and learn how someone who looks like him could get such a great girl. J. Peterman takes Elaine to see 'The English Patient' and after she confesses she hates it, Peterman punishes her by sending her to Tunisia to live in a cave and knock off 'English Patient' clothes for the catalog.

Writer: Steve Koren
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Todd Jeffries, Barney Martin, Liz Sheridan


THE NAP -- Episode 144 (04/10/97)

Jerry hires a cabinet maker, Conrad, to re-model his kitchen cabinets. George asks Conrad to re-model his desk so he can sleep under it and take naps during the day without being missed. Kramer is getting squeezed out of valuable swimming time at the pool and starts to swim laps in the heavily polluted east river. Elaine's date, Hal, sends her a new mattress to help support her back but Elaine misunderstands the gift and gives it to Kramer. After Hal charms Elaine, she asks Kramer to return the mattress and it stinks like the East River. George gets stuck under the desk when Steinbrenner sits in his office, so he asks Jerry to call in a bomb threat so he can escape. Jerry, posing as the terrorist bomber, demands cup holders and actual player's hats for all of the fans.

Writer: Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Stephen Lee, Vince Grant, Richard Herd, Lee Bear


THE YADA YADA -- Episode 145 (04/24/97)

Jerry is offended when his dentist Tim Whatley converts to Judaism so he can tell Jewish jokes and tells father Curtis on him. George's date, Marcy, constantly uses 'yada, yada, yada' in place of bad news and George and Elaine adopt this phrase for themselves until George starts questioning what Marcy's 'yada, yada, yada' really means. Kramer and Mickey meet Julie and Karen at the Gap and go on a double date with them but don't know which girl likes who. Elaine is asked to speak to the adoption agent, Brian, on behalf of Beth and Arnie in their search for adoption. Elaine tells a story of when Arnie yelled at her at the movies and they are refused adoption. Arnie and Beth break up and Jerry tries to console Beth. Karen and Mickey get married.

Writer: Peter Mehlman, Jill Franklyn
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Bryan Cranston, Henry Woronivz, Suzanne Cryer


THE MILLENNIUM -- Episode 146 (05/01/97)

Jerry woos his girlfriend, Valerie, in order to get a higher speed dial position on her phone. Jerry becomes number one on Valerie's speed dial bumping her step-mother, Mrs. Hamilton and upsetting her. Kramer plans his New Year's Eve party for 1999, but learns that Newman has already invited everyone to his party. The Mets are offering a scouting job to George, only he must get fired to get out of his contract. George tries a number of stunts to get fired, including streaking across the field during a game, but Steinbrenner won't fire him. Elaine is treated rudely at Putamayo Clothing Store, so she purchases a lot of Mayan Clothing at another store, Cinco De Mayo, only to learn that the two are both owned by Gladys Mayo. Kramer helps Elaine ruin Glady's business by taking out the desiccant packets in the clothing, so that the clothes will be dried out in 5 years. Kramer hosts a 1999 New Year's Eve party at Monk's with the gang.

Writer: Jennifer Crittenden
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Lauren Graham, Louan Gideon, Wayne Knight, Lee Baer


THE MUFFIN TOPS -- Episode 147 (05/08/97)

Jerry shaves his chest to impress his girlfriend, Alex, who likes Mexican hairless dogs. Elaine tells Mr. Lipman that she likes the tops of muffins and wishes she could just buy the tops and Lipman steals her idea and opens a muffin top store. Kramer feels cheated when J. Peterman's autobiography is released because he sold his life stories to Peterman for the book. To retaliate, Kramer starts the 'Peterman Reality Tour' and for a fee he takes people on a bus tour of the real man behind J. Peterman. Stops along the tour include his bedroom window, the coffee shop and Newman's mail route. George is walking with a map and is mistaken for a tourist by a beautiful tourist guide, Mary Anne. George tells Mary Anne he works for Tyson Chicken in Arkansas in order to spend more time with her. Mary Anne eventually tells George she does not want to start a long distance relationship so George tells her he is moving to New York. Streinbrenner thinks George is moonlighting for Tyson Chicken and fires him.

Writer: Spike Feresten
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Melinda Clarke, Richard Fancy, John O'Hurley


THE SUMMER OF GEORGE -- Episode 148 (05/15/97)

Jerry is surprised to learn that his new girlfriend, Lanette, is living with another guy, Lyle. Jerry realizes that Lanette is high maintenance and she needs Lyle to keep up with her, so when Lanette breaks up with Lyle, Jerry hires George to help keep him on the busy schedule. After George is fired from the Yankees he receives a 3 month severance pay which allows him to start the summer doing nothing but watching TV in his new recliner. Kramer is a seat filler at the Tony Awards and when the best musical, 'scarsdale surprise,' wins, he is brought on stage with the producers seated in his row. Kramer goes on to the press area to answer questions and takes home a Tony. as a 'new' producer, Kramer must fire the star of the musical, Raquel Welch. Elaine criticizes her new co-worker, Sam, because she doesn't move her arms when she walks and the co-workers call her catty. Elaine takes Sam to lunch to tell her to move her arms and Sam gets angry and begins leaving threats on her answering machine. George buys expensive glossy invitations for Lanette's party and slips and falls on one.

Writer: Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer
Director: Andy Ackerman
Guest Cast: Raquel Welch, Amanda Peet, Blake Gibbons