SEASON 3
THE NOTE -- Episode 18 (09/18/91)
Jerry tells George and Elaine that his insurance pays for his massage treatments because he got a note from his dentist prescribing the treatments for medical reasons. George and Elaine then arrange for similar treatments. When they get to the massage office, Elaine is assigned a masseuse and George a masseur. George becomes plagued by homophobia.
Writer: Larry David
Director: Tom Cherones
THE TRUTH -- Episode 19 (09/25/91)
Jerry is audited for a charitable donation by the IRS. George offers to have a girlfriend, who works at the IRS, help Jerry with his tax papers. but George and the girl have a falling-out before she finishes with Jerry's account - leaving Jerry in even more of a lurch.
Writer: Larry David
Director: Tom Cherones
THE PEN -- Episode 20 (10/02/91)
Jerry and Elaine travel to Jerry's parents' home in Florida where Jerry's father is being given a testimonial dinner by his condo association. Jerry is given a pen as a gift by a family friend and this gift becomes the source of a lot of family tension.
Writer: Larry David
Director: Tom Cherones
THE DOG -- Episode 21 (10/09/91)
Jerry gets roped into taking care of a friend's dog. Unfortunately, the dog is such a menace, Jerry's life is turned upside-down. George and Elaine have to go to the movies and about town without Jerry.
Writer: Larry David
Director: Josh White
THE LIBRARY -- Episode 22 (10/16/91)
The library calls Jerry to tell him he has an overdue book from 1971 which, according to Kramer, at a fine of 5 cents a day for 20 years would cost Jerry $50,000. The library investigative officer meets with Jerry and doesn't like Jerry's attitude.
Writer: Larry Charles
Director: Joshua White
THE PARKING GARAGE -- Episode 23 (10/30/91)
After shopping at a large mall, Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer spend this episode trying to find their car in the massive multi-tiered parking lot.
Writer: Larry David
Director: Tom Cherones
THE CAFÉ -- Episode 24 (11/06/91)
Jerry keeps observing from his apartment a little cafe that opened across the street and feels sorry for the owner because he never sees anyone eat there. Jerry goes there for dinner and makes suggestions and ultimately cause the restaurant to do even worse. George tries to get Elaine to take an IQ test in his place.
Writer: Tom Leopold
Director: Tom Cherones
THE TAPE -- Episode 25 (11/13/91)
Jerry finds an incredibly sexy message on the tape recorder he used to check his routine. Elaine tells George she left the message. He is so impressed by her that he develops a crush on her. Jerry thinks he has found the woman and asks her out for a date. She is surprised by his forwardness and he is completely embarrassed. George tells Jerry it was Elaine and she confesses to Jerry. George orders a Chinese hair tonic. Kramer tries to document George's hair growth with his new video camera.
Writer: Larry David, Bob Shaw, Don McEenery
Director: David Steinberg
THE NOSE JOB -- Episode 26 (11/20/91)
Kramer meets a woman that George has been dating and comments on her nose. She decides to get a nose job. Also, Jerry's brain and penis argue over the merits of the woman Jerry is dating.
Writer: Peter Mehlman
Director: Tom Cherones
THE STRANDED -- Episode 27 (11/27/91)
Jerry feels guilty for keeping the host of a party up late while he and Elaine wait for a ride home from Kramer. Then, a month later, this party host shows up at Jerry's doorstep to have the favor repaid.
Writer: Matt Goldman
Director: Tom Cherones
THE ALTERNATE SIDE -- Episode 28 (12/04/91)
George inherits the job of moving cars from one side of the street to the other to avoid parking restrictions. Elaine starts dating an older man. when Elaine's date suffers a heart attack, the emergency crew has difficulty in getting to the apartment because of the way George has parked the cars.
Writer: Bill Masters
Director: Tom Cherones
THE RED DOT -- Episode 29 (12/11/91)
Elaine finds a job for George at her publishing company. George starts dating one of the cleaning ladies. To show his appreciation to Elaine, he buys her a sweater which is a bargain because it has a very small red spot. The salesman convinces him that nobody will notice. Elaine notices immediately and George is embarrassed.
Writer: Larry David
Director: Tom Cherones
THE SUBWAY -- Episode 30 (01/08/92)
Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine all have separate, yet parallel encounters on subway cars. Jerry falls asleep and wakes up with a naked, overweight man who he befriends and spends the day with at Coney Island. George, on his way to a job interview, is robbed by a beautiful con-artist who chains him to a bed in a hotel. Elaine, on her way to a lesbian wedding, missed her stop and ends up in Harlem. Kramer overhears a tip on a racehorse and wins $18,000. He is then chased through the subway by a suspicious character.
Writer: Larry Charles
Director: Tom Cherones
THE PEZ DISPENSER -- Episode 31 (01/15/92)
While Jerry, Elaine and George are attending a recital by Noel, George's girlfriend, Jerry makes Elaine laugh by playing with a Pez dispenser which Kramer gave him. Elaine's laughter interrupts Noel's recital which causes her to be angry with George. George, realizing he does not have the upper hand in the relationship, decides to break up with Noel before she breaks up with him. Jerry and Elaine organize an intervention to help one of Jerry's friends get into drug rehabilitation. And Kramer joins a polar bear swim club.
Writer: Larry David
Director: Tom Cherones
THE SUICIDE -- Episode 32 (01/29/92)
Jerry's neighbor, Martin, attempts suicide because he thinks his girlfriend, Gina, is flirting with Jerry. While Martin is in a coma Gina does try to start a relationship with Jerry. George thinks he might be psychic so Elaine takes him to a fortune teller. Just as the fortune teller is about to warn George of impending danger, Elaine angers her and they are thrown out.
Note: Wayne Knight is introduced for the first time as "Newman".
Writer: Tom Leopold
Director: Tom Cherones
THE FIX-UP -- Episode 33 (02/05/92)
Elaine and Jerry decide to fix up George with Elaine's friend, Cynthia, but they never suspect it will work. Jerry and Elaine decide that they will share whatever details they learn about the date. George and Cynthia do get along and actually have sex on their first date. George uses a condom that Kramer had given him and it turns out to be defective. George tries to call Cynthia to tell her but she is late for her period and is afraid George has gotten her pregnant. Elaine and Jerry figure out that they each know more than they are telling each other about George and Cynthia's date. George tells Cynthia he would support her in any way she needs but it turns out she is not pregnant.
Writer: Elaine Pope, Larry Charles
Director: Tom Cherones
THE BOYFRIEND -- Episode 34 (02/12/92)
Jerry tries to establish a friendship with Keith Hernandez and realizes the similarities of dating with making new male friends. Keith asks Elaine out on a date which makes Jerry jealous of both Keith and Elaine. Kramer and his friend, Newman, are angry with Keith because they think Keith spit on them after the world series, but Jerry explains in JFK-style how there had to be a second spitter. In an attempt to extend his unemployment benefits, George decides to date the daughter of the unemployment office manager.
Note: First hour-long episode. First time we hear Jerry's greeting, "Hello, Newman".
Writer: Larry Levin
Director: Tom Cherones
Guest Cast: Keith Hernandez
THE LIMO -- Episode 35 (02/26/92)
Jerry and George decide to take the limo of a man Jerry knew did not get on the plane since George's car broke down on the way to the airport. The limo was actually waiting to bring the head of the Aryan nation to a rally. Since nobody had ever seen the man, George unknowingly assumes his identity. The idea backfires when the real nazi leader phones the car to say he did not make it.
Writer: Larry Charles
Director: Tom Cherones
THE GOOD SAMARITAN -- Episode 36 (03/04/92)
Jerry witnesses a hit-and-run auto accident and chases down the driver. She turns out to be a beautiful redhead whom Jerry decides to ask out for a date instead of confront. When Jerry learns that the victim of the accident is a beautiful blonde, he feels extremely guilty. He tries to act as the intermediary but the redhead is irate when he discusses the accident and the blond thinks he is the one who hit the car. George, meanwhile, has an affair with Elaine's friend, and Kramer has seizures when he hears Mary Hart's voice.
Writer: Peter Melhman
Director: Jason Alexander
-- Episode 37 (03/25/92)
Writer: Larry David
Director: Tom Cherones
Jerry is dating an artist, Nina, who is painting a portrait of Kramer. Her father gives her tickets to the Yankees game which she gives to Kramer, George and Elaine. When Elaine refuses to take off her Orioles hat because she is sitting in the owner's box, they get ejected from the game. A photo of the altercation makes the newspaper. Elaine fears her boss will see the picture because she lied to him to get out of attending his son's Bris. When Jerry breaks up with Nina, she copies a letter from 'chapter town' to get Jerry back. The portrait of Kramer is sold to a wealthy couple.
-- Episode 38 (04/22/92)
George battles with Kramer's friend, Mike, over a parking space in front of Jerry's apartment. Elaine, Jerry, Newman, bystanders and cops take sides as to whether it is proper to back into a space or pull forwards.
Writer: Greg Daniels
Director: Tom Cherones
THE KEYS -- Episode 39 (05/06/92)
Kramer lets himself into Jerry's apartment one too many times, prompting Jerry to take his spare set of keys back. This prompts a continual chain of key exchanges among Kramer, George and Elaine. Kramer is distraught over losing his key privileges and decides to flee to California to become an actor. Jerry uses George's spare keys to get into Elaine's apartment to get his keys and they discover Elaine is writing a 'Murphy Brown' script. Kramer appears on 'Murphy Brown' as Murphy's assistant.
Writer: Larry Charles
Director: Tom Cherones