X-Files Quotes Season 3

'The Blessing Way'
"We predict the future. The best way to predict the future is to invent it."
--Well Manicured Man
Hear it!

Dana Scully: "How much have you had to drink?"
Frohike: (holds up empty bottle) "Do you recycle?"

"Motives are rarely unselfish."
--Well Manicured Man

Indian: "You must be careful now to end the ceremony properly. If you leave, you must not do any work, change clothes or bathe for four days."
Fox Mulder: "That's really gonna cut into my social life."

'Paperclip'
Cancerman: "What is this?"
Walter Skinner: "This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass."
Hear it! (Skinner's phrase only)

"Welcome to the wonderful world of high technology."
--Walter Skinner
Hear it!

"I was a dead man. Now I'm back."
--Fox Mulder

Fox Mulder: "Lots of files."
Dana Scully: "Lots and lots of files!"

Frohike: "Unbelievable! We thought you were history!"
Fox Mulder: "You're gonna have to wait a little bit longer for my video collection, Frohike."

'D.P.O.'
Dana Scully: "I wasn't aware of that."
Sheriff Tiller: "That's as clear as glass."

DPO: "Hey, you know, I think you wanna be someplace else right now, 'cause I'm in the mood for a little barbeque."
Zero: "Naw, man, not the cows again...."

Zero: "...There's another slight problem, she's married to your boss."
DPO: "Maybe I could fry him."
Zero: "Dude, he's your Boss!"
DPO: "Not if he's dead he wont be."

Dana Scully: "I'm surprised you haven't already read that issue."
Mulder: "Oh, I have. April is the cruelest month, but mine didn't come with this. I found it between Miss April and Women of the Ivy League."

Fox Mulder: "8 1/2? That's pretty impressive, Scully."
Dana Scully: "Well, it says it right here on the bottom..."
Mulder: "Ooohh."

"So what? Are we supposed to charge him with assaulting a cellular phone?"
--Dana Scully

'Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose'
Fox Mulder: "Mr. Yappi, read this thought."
The Stupendous Yappi: "So's your old man."

Dana Scully: "How do I die?"
Clyde Bruckman: "You don't."

Clyde Bruckman: "What the hell is Lollapalloza?"
Clerk: "Who's Buddy Holly?"

Killer: "Don't apologize, you're a better dancer than my last date."

Clyde Bruckman: "You know, I can think of more dignified ways to die than auto-erotic asphyxiation."
Fox Mulder: "Why were you looking at me when you said that?"

"Mr. Bruckman, there are hits and there are misses. And then there are misses."
--Dana Scully

Dana Scully: "Chantilly Lace?"
Fox Mulder: "You know what I like."
Hear it!

"If my Miss Manners serves me right, that protrusion from his left cornea is a salad fork."
--Fox Mulder

'The List'
Fox Mulder: "Imagine if you could come back and take out five people who had caused you to suffer. Who would they be?"
Dana Scully: "I only get five?"
Mulder: "I remembered your birthday this year, didn't I, Scully?"

Dana Scully: "Being obsessed with it doesn't mean you can do it."
Fox Mulder: "No, unless he knew something we don't."
Scully: "Like what, the magic password?"

"Woman gets lonely, sometimes she can't wait around for her man to be reincarnated..."
--Dana Scully

'2Shy'
"Uh uh. No kissin'. Anything else you want is fine, but no kissin'."
--Holly McLean

"Yeah, scorpions predigest their food outside of their body by regurgitating onto their prey but... I don't know too many scorpions who surf the internet."
--Dana Scully

"Scully, I wouldn't have made a good Amway salesman, I knocked on more doors..."
--Fox Mulder

'The Walk'
"How's that? Oh, he's only the guy that turned me into second base by getting my arms and legs blown off. Other than that he was a real good guy."
--Leonard Trimble

"Sometimes the only sane response to an insane world is insanity."
--Fox Mulder

'Oubliette'
Dana Scully: "That's spooky."
Fox Mulder: "That's my name."

"I hate to say this Mulder, but I think you just ran out of credibility."
--Dana Scully

'Nisei'
"Well, I didn't get his name, I was too busy getting my ass kicked."
--Fox Mulder

"I just remembered a piece of evidence from the crime scene that I 'forgot' to turn in."
--Fox Mulder

"That's not your usual brand of entertainment..."
--Dana Scully

"Mulder, this is even hokier than the one they aired on the Fox network, you can't even see what they're operating on!"
--Dana Scully

Dana Scully: "You spent money on this?"
Fox Mulder: "$29.95... plus shipping."

'731'
"Apology is Policy."
--tag line

"Why did I study French in high school?"
--Fox Mulder

Dana Scully: "Well done, Agent Pendrell. Keep up the good work."
Pendrell: "Hey, thanks. Keep it up yourself!"
(Scully leaves)
Pendrell: "Keep it up yourself... what a doof..."

Woman: "Oh, God. He's dead!"
Fox Mulder: "Sshh! He's just got a little motion sickness. I'm gonna go find a doctor. Why don't you and your young man just find another bathroom?"

"The ruler of the world is no longer the country with the greatest soldiers, but the greatest scientists."
--MIB MIB: "What's the next stop?"
Dana Scully: "It's not on the map."

"As an employee of the National Security Agency you should know that a gunshot wound to the stomach is probably the most painful and the slowest way to die. But I'm not a very good shot. And when I miss... I tend to miss low..."
--Fox Mulder

Fox Mulder: "What are you watching?"
Dana Scully: "Your alien autopsy video."
Mulder: "You mean I might get my $29.95's worth after all?"

'Revelations'
Dana Scully: "Did you get a composite?"
Fox Mulder: "Yeah, looks like Kevin was abducted by Homer Simpson's evil twin."
Scully: "This isn't the killer, Mulder."
Mulder: "I think that's a safe assumption."

"You never draw my bath."
--Fox Mulder
Hear it!

'War of the Corprophages'
Dana Scully: "Mulder, this town is insane!"
Fox Mulder: "Where are you?"
Scully: "I'm at a convenience store on the outskirts of…civilization."

Sheriff: "How you doing? What are you doing?"
Fox Mulder: "Just sitting and thinking."
Sheriff: "Sitting and thinking? And talking on the phone? With who, your drug dealer?"

Sheriff: "Who was that?"
Fox Mulder: "My drug dealer."

Fox Mulder: "I think you better get up here."
Dana Scully: "What is it?"
Mulder: "It appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people."
Scully: "I'm not gonna ask you if you said what I think you just said because I know it's what you just said."

Fox Mulder: "I met an entomologist, a Doctor Berenbaum, who agrees with your theory of an accidental importation of a new cockroach species."
Dana Scully: "Did he give you any idea of how to catch them?"
Mulder: "No, but she did tell me everything else there is to know about insects."
Scully: "She?"
Mulder: "Yeah. Did you know that the ancient Egyptians worshipped the scarab beetle and possibly erected the pyramids to honor them, which may just be giant symbolic dung heaps?"
Scully: "Did you know the inventor of the flush toilet was named Thomas Crapper?"

"Scully, what are you wearing?"
--Fox Mulder

Boy: "Try it. This stuff takes your mind and just sort of, you know, expands it."
Girl: "Yeah, well, something tells me it's more than my mind that you guys are interested in expanding."

Dana Scully: "Her name is Bambi?"
Fox Mulder: "Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFOs are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical airfields."
Scully: "Her name is Bambi?"

Dana Scully: "Excuse me, do you sell road maps? Could you tell me where they are?"
Woman: "Come on, hurry up."
Scully: "What's going on here?"
Woman: "Haven't you heard about the roaches? They're devouring people whole. Everybody's getting the hell out of here."
Scully: "Have you seen any cockroaches yourself?"
Woman: "No, but they're everywhere."
Man: "Roaches aren't attacking people, lady. They're spreading the Ebola virus. Look, keep the change. We're all going to be bleeding from our nipples."
Scully: "All right, all right, listen up! I'm Agent Dana Scully from the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I am assuring you that you are not in any danger. Everything is going to be okay if you just calm down and start acting rationally. Now where the hell are those road maps?"

Fox Mulder: "I had a praying mantis epiphany. And, as a result, I screamed-not a girly scream, but the scream of someone being confronted by some before-unknown monster that had no right existing on the planet I inhabited. Did you ever notice how a praying mantis' head resembles an alien's head? The mysteries of the natural world were revealed to me that day, but instead of being astounded, I was...repulsed."
Dana Scully: "Mulder, are you sure it wasn't a girly scream?"

Fox Mulder: "Why is it following me?"
Dr. Ivanov: "It likes you."

"Who died now?"
--Dana Scully

Dana Scully: "Mulder, you're not thinking about trespassing onto government property again, are you? I know that you've done it in the past, but I don't think that this case wards-"
Fox Mulder: "It's too late. I'm already inside."

"Anyone who thinks alien visitation will come not in the form of robots but of living beings with big eyes and grey skin has been brainwashed by too much science fiction."
--Dr. Ivanov

"Smart is sexy. Well, think of it this way, Mulder. By the time there's another invasion of artificially intelligent, dung eating, robotic probes from outer space, maybe their uber-children will have devised a way to save our planet."
--Dana Scully

"You know, I never thought I'd say this to you, Scully…but you smell bad."
--Fox Mulder

"You two ought to go home and get some rest. You look pooped."
--Sheriff

'Syzygy'
Dana Scully: "Let me guess. They told you about a wild beast entering in on a black mass. The drinking of blood, the sacrifice of an infant or a blond virgin."
Angela White: "Yeah, that's right. Excuse me."
Scully: "Where's she going?"
Fox Mulder: "You don't suppose she's a virgin, do you?"
Scully: "I doubt she's even a blond."

Dana Scully: "You ready?"
Fox Mulder: "You're the driver. Uh, Scully, if I'm not mistaken, we're gonna be taking a left up here. Uh, there's an intersection up here, you're gonna want to… You just ran a stop sign back there, Scully."
Scully: "Shut up, Mulder."
Mulder: "Sure. Fine. Whatever."

Fox Mulder: "Go ahead."
Dana Scully: "No, you go ahead."
Mulder: "No, be my guest. I know how much you like snapping on the latex."
Hear it! (Mulder's latex remark)

"She tends to be rather rigid, but rigid in a wonderful way, not like she was today."
--Fox Mulder (about Dana Scully)

Fox Mulder: "Will you let me drive?"
Dana Scully: "I'm driving-why do you always have to drive? Because you're the guy? Because you're the big macho man?"
Mulder: "No. I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals."

Angela White: "Open the door."
Fox Mulder: "You don't want to go in there."
White: "Excuse me."
Dana Scully: "Gladly."

"Weird. I like weird. I feel weird."
--Angela White

"I was hoping you could help me solve the mystery of the horny beast."
--Fox Mulder

Terri: "Scott Simmons. Babe-o-licious in overtime, Gene!"
Margi: "Minus the Brenda appendage."
Terri: "Hate her."
Margi: "Hate her. Wouldn't want to date her."

Dana Scully: "...but I didn'y expect you to ditch me."
Fox Mulder: "I didn't ditch you."
Scully: "Fine... whatever."

"Maybe Harvey's got something to hide. We got two kids who are prepared to say he took them on a camping trip and made them play naked movie star games!"
--Bob Spitz

'Grotesque'
Patterson: "I have to say... I'm really disappointed in you."
Fox Mulder: "Well I wouldn't want to disappoint you by not disappointing you."

"Look, when I couldn't reach you I went to your apartment. I saw your new wallpaper."
--Dana Scully

Walter Skinner: "Are you worried about Agent Mulder?"
Dana Scully: "No sir."
Skinner: "Off the record."
Scully: (Says nothing)
Skinner: "So am I."

'Piper Maru'
Dana Scully: "It's a North American P-51 mustang."
Wayne Morgan: "Yeah. It sure is."
Fox Mulder: "I just got very turned on."

Dana Scully: (laughs)
Fox Mulder: "What?"
Scully: "I'm just constantly amazed by you. I mean, you're working down here in the basement, sifting through files and transmissions that any other agent would just throw away in the garbage."
Mulder: "Well that's why I'm in the basement, Scully."
Scully: "You're in the basement because they're afraid of you. Of your relentlessness. And because they know that they could drop you in the middle of the desert and tell you the truth is out there and you'd ask them for a shovel."
Mulder: "That's what you think of me?"
Scully: "Well, maybe not a shovel. Maybe a backhoe."

Walter Skinner: "Who are you guys?"
MIB: "We work for the intelligence community."
Skinner: "Remind me not to move there."

'Apocrypha'
"It looked great on me in the store."
--Fox Mulder

Byers: "You should call upon our services more often."
Langly: "We show talent for these G-MAN activities."
Fox Mulder: "You mean if I want somebody whacked on the knee with a lead pipe?"
Frohike: "Only if you want it done right."

Fox Mulder: "Actually I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to...thank you for everything you did."
Walter Skinner: "You mean me getting shot in the gut?"

'Pusher'
Fox Mulder: "I think you drooled on me."
Dana Scully: "Sorry."
Hear it! (19.9K)

"Either you come back here on your own or I drag your sorry ass back on the bumper of my car!"
--Fox Mulder
Hear it!

Fox Mulder: "He psyched the guy out. He put the Whammy on him."
Dana Scully: "Please explain to me the scientific nature of 'The Whammy'."

"Let's go, G-woman."
--Fox Mulder

"What do you want me to say, Mulder? That I believe Modell is guilty of murder? I do. I'm just looking for an explaination a little more mundane than 'The Whammy'."
--Dana Scully

"And you're saying this same mysterious phenomenon is the reason I have a size seven heel mark on my face?"
--Walter Skinner

'Teso dos Bichos'
"It's nice to meet someone who really believes in something, isn't it?"
--Fox Mulder

'Hell Money'
"What good is an interpreter when everyone speaks the language of silence?"
--Glen Chao

Dana Scully: "Do you know how much the human body is worth, Mulder?"
Fox Mulder: "Depends on the body."

"How many dishes do you have to break before your boss tosses you in an oven?"
--Fox Mulder

"Looks like somebody was trying to get two burials for the price of one."
--Fox Mulder

'Jose Chung's From Outer Space'
"Then there are those who care not about extraterrestrials, searching for meaning in other human beings. Rare or lucky are those who find it. For although we may not be alone in the universe, in our own separate ways on this planet, we are all…alone."
--Jose Chung

Fox Mulder: "You can talk to the other AWOL pilot that was brought in with him."
Officer: "Lieutenant Jack Shaeffer is also in your custody?"
Mulder: "That's right. Yeah, he's right down…here. Oh. He was here just a few minutes ago. I guess he's still AWOL."

"You ever flown a flying saucer? Afterwards, sex seems trite."
--Lt. Jack Shaeffer

"And here I was thinking you were just some... brainy beauty. Now I find out that you also have... good taste."
--Jose Chung

Det. Manners: "Well, thanks a lot! You really BLEEPED up this case!"
Dana Scully: "Well, of course he didn't actually say 'bleeped', he said..."
Jose Chung: "No need to elaborate. I'm quite familiar with Det. Manner's... vernacular."

"One of them was disguised as a woman, but wasn't pulling it off. Like, her hair was red...but it was a little too red, you know."
--Blaine Faulkner

'Avatar'
Agent: "D'ya know how an air bag works?"
Fox Mulder: "Your car hits somethin', a bag fills with air, you don't die."

'Quagmire'
Dana Scully: "You know Mulder, you are Ahab..."
Fox Mulder: "You know... it's interesting you should say that because I've always wanted a pegleg..."

Dana Scully: "Well, you slew the big white whale, Ahab."
Fox Mulder: "Yeah, but I still don't have that peg leg."

"Poor Queequeg."
--Dana Scully

Dana Scully: "What was that?"
Fox Mulder: "I don't know, but it ain't no duck."

"Scully, are you coming onto me?"
--Fox Mulder
Hear it! (15.5K)

Dana Scully: "We had a little problem with our boat."
Fox Mulder: "Actually, it sank."

"Living in the city, you forget a lot of things. You know, there you're always thinking about being mugged or hit by a car. It's not until you get back to nature until you realize everything's out to get you."
--Dana Scully

Dana Scully: "Could you please repeat the last part again? I kinda faded out."
Fox Mulder: "Which... which part?"
Scully: "After you said I'm sorry."

Dana Scully: "You know, on the old mariners maps the cartographers would designate uncharted territories by writing 'here be monsters.'"
Fox Mulder: "Uh, I got a map of New York City just like that."
Hear it!

'Wetwired'
Fox Mulder: "Our blind date's not off to a good start. I've been waiting here nearly two hours."
Man: "I was asked to make sure you weren't followed."
Mulder: "It's just you, me, and the drug dealers."

"Just watched 36 hours of Bernard Shaw and Bobbie Batista. I'm about ready to kill somebody, too."
--Fox Mulder

Fox Mulder: "They think they've found Scully."
Frohike: "Is she okay?"
Mulder: "No, um...they think maybe I should come down and I.D. the body."

Man: "This area's always been known for its criminal element."
Fox Mulder: "Especially when Congress is in session."

Dana Scully: "There must be hundreds of videos here."
Fox Mulder: "Anything good?"

Fox Mulder: "Mind control?"
Langly: "57 channels of it."

Langly: "You know the way a television works?"
Fox Mulder: "Yeah. You click it on, you have a picture."

Fox Mulder: "The naked lady in the ice cube."
Frohike: "Ah! One of my personal favorites."

'Talitha Cumi'
"You're a dead man, Agent Mulder. One way or another."
--Mr. X

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