Serendipity 6 to 10
Chapter 6: Going Home
Six days.
For six days she had spent the first few hours just this same way. V warmed her hands around the steaming cup of coffee. A chill was in the morning air as she sat alone on the front porch step, watching the sun slowly climb higher over the distant surrounding hills that she had
looked upon with such marvel and envy as a kid. Marvel that they held her entire childhood in their earthly cradle....solitary, steady, dependable in the face of whatever change man threw in their direction. Envy that just beyond their crest stretched an unending vista of new places and people and things that she had only read about and dreamed of.
It still felt so bittersweet, staring off at them in the distance.....Lord, how she had thought those hills had been the uncrossable border that separated all that she knew from all that she
didn't.
For as far back as she could remember, she had roamed through the woods behind their house...off in search of whatever adventure she could find falling in the leaves or hidden beneath the rocks or growing from the ground....cataloguing every detail, soaking up the sights and sounds
and smells just like her grandfather had taught her. How many times had they wandered the forest with Granddad, V hanging on to one hand, her brother Benjamin on the other. If she listened closely she could almost hear the sound of splashing and laughter in the direction of the pond where her father had taught the two of them to swim or the squeak of the porch glider where her mother had sat and refereed the sibling wars in the front yard.
This place had been her whole world.
It would be so easy to come back here, for good this time....pretend like she'd never left. And maybe, one day, she might even forget what she'd found on the other side of the hills...and what she hadn't.
"Hey, you..." Ben came out to join her, coffee and newspaper in hand. "Got any room on that step for your big brother?"
"Well, you're in luck. You just missed the morning rush. This is the most popular coffee spot in town, after all." She teased, sliding over to make way for him.
"Is that so?" he pretended to be impressed. "I'm not surprised....the company looks pretty good."
"Thank you. What do you want?"
"What do you mean, what do I want?"
"Compliments before ten a.m. are a dead give away that you're up to something."
"Isn't a caring, sensitive, older brother allowed to compliment his favorite little sister?" Ben nonchalantly sipped his coffee.
"I'm your only sister." V reminded him needlessly. "And is this the same caring, sensitive, older brother who tied me to a tree in the middle of the woods in hopes that gypsies would steal me? Or the one who bound and gagged me in the rowboat and set me adrift in the pond so that pirates could kidnap me?"
"At least my plans improved with time." He laughed into his coffee cup.
"Which part was the improvement? The gag? Or me almost drowning?" She drawled sarcastically.
"The gag, of course. You had screamed like bloody murder in the woods....that's how Dad and Granddad found you." Ben explained with amused pride at his youthful ingenuity.
"And the drowning?"
"Hey, don't blame me. No one told you to roll out of the boat trussed up like a turkey."
The two of them grinned at the image of V, age seven -- all elbows and knees, shoelaces double-knotted together, hands wrapped in rope almost thicker than her tiny balled fists, and Ben's bandana holding a small crab apple in her mouth -- thrashing around in the water, determined to reach the bank. At the time, she had considered eleven year-old Ben's casting her to the pirates as a serious challenge to her tomboy prowess and had picked up the gauntlet without fear or hesitation. After hitting the water, she had kicked off her shoes and started churning her legs up and down to keep herself afloat and propel herself closer to her goal...and, refusing to be silenced, she had gnawed ferociously at the apple as her head dipped in and out of the water until she could finally nuzzle the bandana away from her mouth, spewing apple and pond water everywhere...she had almost managed to free her hands from the rope when suddenly her Grandfather had fished her out
of the pond looking like he had seen a ghost, obviously scared she would go under before he got to her. The two of them had gotten into such trouble for that one.....Ben for marooning her and V for nearly giving Granddad a heart attack when she took to the water before she'd freed herself.
"I thought you'd drink half the pond before I could get help."
"Well.....my escape techniques were still a little underdeveloped." V shrugged, defending her seven year-old honor.
"And how are they now?"
Whoa..... "Ben, I -- " V scrambled for an answer, avoiding both the subject and his probing eyes. "I haven't had to escape from pirates in years."
"Really?" Ben just took another sip of coffee and slowly forged ahead. "That's not the impression I get."
"And I thought I was the Ardanowski sibling with the over-active imagination."
"Guess not.....Mine's gotten so vivid that I keep imagining some guy with a funny accent keeps calling claiming you work for him and wanting to talk to you."
Jax. Silence. [[ The night after that afternoon she had stormed out of the penthouse, Jax had come by her apartment. He had knocked on the door and, eventually, called out to her from the hallway -- tentative and quiet at first, then more insistent. She hadn't answered...the tears too fresh and the harsh echo of the things he'd said too loud for her to face him.]]
"And every time I imagine he calls, I also imagine that you refuse to speak with him.....Oh, you never come out and say that -- you just suddenly remember a shower you're in the middle of, or an errand you're halfway to town to run, or something else that requires you to leave the room until my imagination stops working overtime."
More silence. [[ At midnight, his car was still parked outside -- Felicia said he'd waited at the Outback for hours in hopes that she might come downstairs, but even Felicia had to give her rendition of the night's events through the door before she finally invited V to call if she wanted to talk and left. But V hadn't wanted to talk....not about him, and especially not to him.]]
"You want to talk about it?"
"You want to explain men to me?" Venus just looked at him with a sad smile. [[ The phone calls had started the next morning at her apartment before she left and at her parents' house after she'd arrived. But still she avoided his attempts at contact. It just hurt too damn much.]]
"Whoops....look at the time." Ben knew when to give up. "Gotta go, sis. Work calls." He ruffled her hair affectionately, still seeing the wide-eyed, fearless little girl who'd been his intrepid shadow for so many years.
"Then go. Don't work too hard." She smiled lovingly, waving him on his way. "And be careful, Deputy Ardanowski."
"What time does your flight leave in the morning?"
"Early. Very early."
"Wake me for breakfast before you go?" Ben missed her already.
"Yeah....that'd be nice." V already missed him, too.
He left the unopened newspaper and empty coffee cup beside her on the porch and headed across the yard to his patrol car. Halfway there, he turned suddenly and called back to her. "Hey, Venus....the next time gypsies try to steal you or pirates try to kidnap you, tell them that you have a caring, sensitive older brother --- "
"And?" V laughed, as he walked the rest of way to his car and opened the door.
Ben grinned wickedly as put on his hat like John Wayne ready to storm the Alamo. "And that he carries a gun."
Her only answer was light peals of laughter. She might not be little anymore. And she was a little less wide-eyed and a little less fearless. But she was still his little sister.
Chapter 7: Pirates
Jax watched the arrivals and departures as they systemically turned over on the screen at the Port Charles Airport. There it is.....Flight 221, Gate 6, in five minutes.
It had been a week now since the scene at the Penthouse with V....a week that she'd refused to see him or speak with him. At first, he'd resisted making any over-the-top gestures or extravagant overtures as a way of apologizing to her for the complete horse's ass he'd made of himself. That restraint hadn't been easy -- over-the-top and extravagant were his first instincts. If it had been Brenda or Ashley or anyone else in his life, he would have followed those instincts
without even stopping to think about it -- and they would have been successful.
But this was V. She wasn't impressed with his money or any of his slights of hand. A grand production was not the best approach with Ms. Ardanowski -- she'd see through the illusion right to the heart of the matter, decide he didn't have one (a heart, that is), and most likely cut him cold. One of the things she liked about him least was his tendency to try and 'fix' everything that wasn't to his liking. And this situation most definitely was not to his liking. But he couldn't risk making things worse, so, for once in his entire life, he'd tried to employ a little caution.
That was then, this was now. And now, Jasper Jacks, horse's ass, was desperate. Quite frankly, he didn't care what the plan to make amends with V looked like or what all was entailed....just so long as it bloody well worked. He couldn't loose her. Period. So in his desperation, he had called upon an expert and together they formulated a plan -- which they were getting ready to carry out in four....no, make that three minutes.
One little thing that he hadn't been counting on, however, was something V had done when she was away. While Jax had been getting together a plan, V had been getting even....in a way. In that critical moment, he had learned two very important lessons on the subject of Venus Ardanowski....first, never, ever underestimate her.....and, second, when backed into a corner, she didn't fight fair --- the little sneak had phoned Lady Jane in Alaska. She had actually called his
mother and 'told' on him! Beneath her hurt and anger, she had still been worried that he behaved in such a horrible, irrational manner and thought that his mother might be able to find out what was wrong. Oh, V had skipped most of the details -- apparently, speaking only in generalities with a lot of "he's just not himself"s thrown in for good measure -- but his mother still got the picture....and she promptly called her baby boy onto the carpet to explain himself. Denial, evasion and plain ignorance had not put his mother off the subject...and while she had his attention, she let loose with a few opinions that she'd been saving for a rainy day.
"Jax.....you've swallowed your pride for so long I'm surprised you haven't choked on it long before now. And all for that woman."
That woman. He hadn't needed to ask who Lady Jane meant. Brenda.
But now wasn't the time to sort through his feelings about Brenda or their mutual past or the person he'd become when he was involved with her. He had more important things to worry about. Namely V....and how in the world he was going to get her to listen to him.
*********
There she was. In the distance, he recognized her copper hair and pointed her out to his companion. "Straight ahead...striped shirt, navy blazer and blue jeans....waiting in front of the luggage carousel. See her?"
"Got her," came the reply. "I recognize her from her picture. You better go before she spots you."
"Don't let her see you. And don't follow too close.....She's very observant, she'll notice." Jax warned him, preparing to leave before V saw him and the whole idea was ruined.
His co-conspirator didn't bother to hide his irritation. "You want to do this? It's no skin off my nose...either way."
"No...no....she'd have airport security arrest me before I ever got close enough to talk to her. Just remember, we try it my way first."
"And if it doesn't work?"
The idea didn't sit well with him, but he had to do something before it was too late. "Then we go with Plan B." With that, a very serious Jax exited the airport.
*********
A few minutes later, Jax watched as V approached her car, a single suitcase in one hand and her keys in the other. He waited until she opened her trunk and made to put her luggage inside to step from his hiding place and reveal himself.
"V....."
The parking deck was relatively deserted and she hadn't hear anyone coming near. She spun in the direction of his voice, dropping her suitcase and clutching her hand to her pounding chest. "Good grief, Jax, you scared me to death! Don't you know not to sneak up on a person like that? You never know what come happen....." As her heart rate began to return to normal, the momentary smile that lit her face upon seeing him faded and other less pleasant feelings came rushing to the forefront. "What are you doing here, Jax?"
He hadn't known how starved he was for the sound of her voice until he heard it. And it only strengthened his resolve to do whatever was necessary to fi--- work things out. "V, we need to talk." I have missed you, Venus.
"Not now, Jax. I have somewhere to be." Sort of.
"Yes...now, V. You have to listen to me....give me a chance to explain." Please.
"I think you've said enough, don't you?" If it ends up like last time....I can't do that again, Jax.
His voice came out hoarse with emotion at her whispered reminder. "No...not nearly enough." But he wasn't backing down. Too much was at stake. "All I want is a chance to apologize to you, V. Please." Don't leave me.
He could see her resolve waver for an instant, before she looked away...her decision made. "I....I don't think 'sorry' will cover it this time, Jax." You want it to be simple, Jax, and it isn't.
Nothing's been simple between us in a long time....Don't you understand? "I have to go....."
She turned turned to go again. God, why does this have hurt so much?
Jax's voice -- closer this time -- drew her attention once more. "Don't be frightened, V. You're safe with me." That was the only warning she got before a pair of strong hands grabbed her arms from behind.
"Wha ---- " She twisted her upper body to get a look at her captor. To her astonishment, a slightly older and sharper version of Jax's face stared back at her, amusement dancing in a pair of familiar aquamarine eyes. Jerry??? She turned back just as quickly to look to Jax for an explanation for his brother's actions
"I'm sorry, V....but you're going to listen to me one way or another."
It was all the explanation he offered.....But at the expression on his face, it all suddenly became crystal clear. Pirates! And out of her mouth came the first thing that came to her mind. "My brother carries a gun!" With that she began to struggle, twisting wildly in Jerry's arms. Alarmed at the sudden increase in volume, the two blonde giants scramble to subdue her before they attracted any unwanted attention.
"You didn't tell me she was crazy!"
"She's not crazy! And you're not helping me here, Jerry!"
"Hey! Grab her legs, Jax --- ."
Easier said than done. Oh, no, she wasn't frightened....she was furious. Anyone within fifty yards of her would have heard it. "Have you lost your minds!?! You're committing a felony against a former officer of the law! Let me go!! You better be glad I know your mother, you...you...you snake! Damn you, Jasper Jacks, don't you dare kidnap me!!!" Any closer than that, and you felt it......(Rule number one: never, ever underestimate her)
The loose construction of her jacket made it difficult for Jerry to keep a firm hold on V's arms. Jax wasn't having any better luck with her legs. Suddenly she slipped out of the blazer, pivoted on her left foot, slammed her knee into Jerry's midsection and followed that with a wicked right cross across his suddenly lowered face.......(Rule number two: when backed into a corner, she didn't fight fair).
The older Jacks brother stumbled back a step, holding the side of his face. "Dammit, Jax, do something to shut her up before she brings the whole city down on us! I can't believe you dragged me halfway 'round the world for this!"
"Oh, stop complaining!" Jax clamped two arms tightly around her chest from behind, sealing her mouth closed with one hand, and pressing her close with the other, molding her back to him from shoulder to hip, dragging her backwards to a waiting vehicle. "You're not the one she's
mad at."
"No, I'm just the one she hit." Jerry retorted, gingerly rubbing his bruised cheek, closing her trunk and gathering her luggage, purse and keys so that no trace of their struggle was left, quickly scanning the parking deck to see if they had been seen. Luckily, no was around to be any the wiser to Plan B.
*********
Halfway to Alaska, they finally admitted that Plan B wasn't looking too promising.
After the two of them managed to get V and her things into the Jacks corporate jet without any broken bones or loss of blood and they had taken off, Jax had counted on her calming down enough -- eventually -- enough for him to talk to her and begin to explain....start to make amends.
V was not cooperating with Plan B.
After another five or ten minutes of verbally lashing the brothers -- individually and collectively -- V had flung herself into a leather seat and wrapped herself in a cloak of complete, enraged silence. The tongue lashing had made them both feel like chastised five year-olds (no small feat with these two men). Worse, Jax had tried to see if she was all right physically....make sure they hadn't hurt her, but the look on her face had made him feel like a complete ogre. No amount to cajoling or entreating or prodding or pleading would elicit any response from her other than the scorching accusation in her dark eyes.
Halfway to Alaska, Jax and Jerry had long since run out of ideas to try and draw her out of her shell and into conversation. Now, all that they could do was watch her nervously....and look forward to a none too gentle welcome of their mother. They hadn't counted on V still being so
totally unbending when they arrived home in Alaska. Lady Jane would side with V....and would just as surely have their heads on a platter for their troubles.
And Jax felt his last chance slipping through his fingers.
*********
Just when he began to loose hope,V finally broke her mutinous silence. "Give me your cell phone."
Her voice drew his wary gaze. Be grateful for small favors, but -- more importantly -- be careful. "I'm afraid I can't do that."
"Why not?" V said tersely, not wasting a single word.
"Cause there's no telling what you'll do with it." Jax admitted. He didn't want to make her any angrier than she already was, but he wasn't taking any chances either.
"Yeah....you might call Lady Jane again." Jerry chirped, not to be left out.
Jax shot his older brother a look that clearly said 'shut up'.
V's chin rose a notch. "It wasn't a request. Give me the phone" She enunciated every world sharply, clearly, and with increasing volume...her temper tested, her dark eyes boring into him without mercy.
"Alright, alright....just calm down." Jax held his hand in front of him the way a lion tamer holds a chair. He was stalling for time, hoping to diffuse the worst of her anger before she started throwing punches again. Jerry was on his own....at this stage of the game, it was ever man (literally) for himself. "We'll negotiate. You tell me why you want the phone and I'll decide if I'm going to give it to you."
V simmered. "That's not negotiating. That's you trying to run everything and everyone. As usual. But I assure you, Mr. Jacks, you do not have the run of me."
" 'Mr. Jacks'? Now she's calling you 'Mr. Jacks'? That can't be a good sign."
"Shut up, Jerry, we're in enough trouble as it is," the younger Jacks muttered.
"Trouble? Oh....no, you two overgrown adolescents don't know what trouble is yet. But, you will if you don't give me the damn phone!"
"Just tell me why," Jax tried to stall. "Please."
Please? Don't you dare 'please' me, Jasper Jacks! A few polite words won't help you now. "Did you mean it when you said you wanted to apologize for the things you said to me?" V's voice suddenly turned quiet.
Yes. More than anything. But Jax watched her intently....knowing that more hinged on his answer than merely satisfying her curiosity. And given his recent tendency to be his own worse enemy, he was abruptly afraid that he was about to give himself just enough rope to hang himself. After a moment's hesitation, he answered softly, blue eyes trying to melt her icy distance from him. "Yes."
Prove it. "Then give me the phone."
Her voice was as light and low as a whisper, and in that instant Jax knew he was trapped between the proverbial rock and a hard place. If he gave her the phone, he knew there was a very strong possibility that she'd find a way to get as far from him as possible and make it so that
arrangement was permanent....something involving restraining orders, no doubt. But if he didn't......if he didn't, V wouldn't believe another word he said. So, in the end, there was really no choice. Jax slowly, deliberately handed her the phone. I mean it. You have to believe me, V. Please.
V held his liquid blue stare for a charged moment, suspicion and hope warring in her eyes, but the rest of her face still steadfastly displayed her displeasure. Then she proceeded to place her call. "Hello. May I speak to Detective Garcia, please? V. Ardanowski calling.....Yes, thank you, I'll hold."
"I don't think she believes you, little brother." Jerry pointed out what he thought was obvious, and moved to take the phone away from V. "We're going to have to go with Plan C.....You take her arms, I'll take her legs, and maybe by -- oh, I don't know, let's say October -- she'll be ready to listen to reason."
"No." Jax grabbed Jerry's arm, stopping him in his tracks.
"November, then?" Jerry wanted to be sure he understood what Jax seemed to be saying. He wondered if Jax or V noticed --or would have believed -- that for a brief moment, his brother's heart was written all over his face.
"Just leave her be." At seeing her immediately turn to Alex Garcia, some small hope Jax hadn't known he was harboring died. Dear God, she's gone.
"Jax -- " Jerry tried to cut into his thoughts, but Jax just ignored him and continued to stare as V studied the floor....waiting.
Shhh.....Just let me watch her so I can memorize everything I can before she leaves me.
"Hi, Alex, it's V.....yes, I had a wonderful time....no, I'm fine, just tired from all the flying. Actually, that's why I called. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to meet you all for dinner
tonight....yes, I know, I thought I'd get back in time, too, but something has come up at work....Jax intercepted me at the airport. I'm on a plane as we speak on our way to an emergency meeting....I don't know -- a few hours, a few days, I'm not sure. Would you mind letting Mac and Felicia know? Thanks......yeah, I missed you too.....I have to go now.....sure, soon. Goodbye, Alex."
Now, what?
V enlightened them. "For two supposed intelligent men, this has got to be one of the dumbest ideas in the history of dumb ideas. Need convincing? Oh, please, let me clear it up for you. Aside from the false premise that forcing a conversation -- confrontation -- whatever you want to call this on me because you feel guilty is somehow going to entice me to forgive you any sooner than I would have otherwise.....kidnapping me is just an outright moronic thing to do!
And while we're on the subject of moronic things....."
This could take a while.
"Stopping looking at me like you're offended that I called Alex. I just pulled your sorry behinds out of the fire -- and thanking me profusely would not be a bad move at this point! Yes, Jerry, that means you too.......Why? Allow me to point out one teeny, tiny flaw with this scheme of yours ----- "
Uh, oh.
"YOU KIDNAPPED A FORMER SHERIFF'S DEPUTY WHOSE FATHER AND BROTHER ARE ALSO SHERRIFF'S DEPUTIES AND WHO WAS EXPECTED TO MEET A POLICE DETECTIVE, A FORMER POLICE COMMISSIONER AND A PRIVATE DETECTIVE FOR DINNER AND WHO JUST RECENTLY HELPED UNCOVER AN ASSASSINATION PLOT MASTERMINDED BY A FAMILY OF LUNATICS WHO HAVE ALLEGED ATTEMPTED TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION AND WHO WE CAN SAFELY SAY KNOW HOW TO CARRY A GRUDGE........I THINK SOMEONE MIGHT HAVE NOTICED IF I DIDN'T SHOW UP TONIGHT!!!!!"
She had a point. This wasn't going at all like Jerry had planned.
V took a deep breath, locked eyes with Jax and continued in a quieter voice, her hurt feelings showing. "And worst of all....I just conveniently re-interpreted the truth to explain my being here with you, Jax.....And given both your taste and history with women unrelated to
you by blood, I know you may trouble understanding the gravity of this --- but I am not in the habit of lying to the people who care about me....whether you approve of them or me or not. So........"
So......
Why am I doing this? "When this plane lands in Alaska, you'll get your chance to say whatever it is you want to say." V sat back down in the seat, looking calmer than she felt, muttering. "Just don't blow it, Jasper."
Yeah....don't blow it, Jasper.
Chapter 8: High Stakes
He had to give her credit. She could take whatever was thrown at her -- a definite talent as far as he was concerned. From the minute they had arrived on John and Lady Jane's doorstep, the place had been a veritable whirlwind of activity.
First, there was the Spanish Inquisition - Jacks Style. Mum had raked him and Jax over the coals for a little bit of everything -- after a great many hugs, of course. And, despite her obvious anger on the plane, V had actually strolled into the house and politely introduced herself to his parents as it were nothing were out of the ordinary. She had looked momentarily overwhelmed with their rather affectionate welcome, but she'd recuperated quickly. She'd even played down the
entire episode as some sort of retaliatory practical joke on Jax's part....a "skunk dunk" she'd called it, whatever that was. Of course, Lady Jane hadn't been fooled -- Jax looked too out of sorts to pull it off -- but Jerry gave V points for the effort.
Then, to everyone's astonishment, his mother decided that V needed to help her in the kitchen. Jax had looked slightly panicked at the very idea....mumbling something about coffee machines and microwaves and sharp objects that only drew an insulted look from his assistant. Not deterred in the least, Lady Jane had whisked V off behind closed doors.....and immediately afterwards the kitchen boasted an invisible but strictly enforced "No Men Allowed" sign. Dad had looked a little confused at his wife's sudden fascination with cooking, but, as soon as the smell of chocolate chip cookies drifted out to the living room, he threatened to break Jax's legs if he dared to go into the kitchen and interrupt. And in the kitchen was exactly where the two women had
remained until shortly before dinner when Lady Jane had escorted V up to the guest room where Jax had put her belongings....supposedly to make sure her guest was suitably settled in and give V an opportunity to freshen up. He knew better. For her own reasons, Lady Jane was keeping V occupied and, therefore, right under his little brother's nose but just beyond his reach.
As soon as the table had been cleared following dinner, John had ensconced V at the card table in the corner of the living room with a deck of cards and a plate piled with chocolate chip cookies. They had quickly become embroiled in a friendly but fierce game of poker...with the stakes paid in cookies. Since his father had discovered that it was V who made the cookies, Jerry suspected that he had set-up the 'friendly' game of cards with the sole intent of winning several dozen more his favorite treat before she left. To that end, John had waved off his and Jax's efforts to join in....."you two will cheat the girl out of her last cookie" he'd claimed. More like they'd upset his plans to cheat. Two hours later, Dad was just interested in winning.....which was just as well, 'cause he had already lost all his cookies. In additions to any of her other hidden talents, V was apparently a card shark.
Now, the two of them were arguing over John's attempt to use a Jacks five-star hotel in San Francisco as stakes. V rejected the idea on the grounds that she didn't own any hotels to bet in return. Dad added one in Honolulu to the list. V still balked and instead suggested that she loan him three dozen cookies to get on his feet.
John was insulted. "A Jacks doesn't take charity. Never have before....and I'm not going to start now."
V laid her hand on his arm and replied in a very serious tone. "It's not charity. It's a gentlemen's agreement between friends. Nothing more Nothing less."
These two were better than television.
Dad softened some, but still didn't look entirely convinced. Sensing his weakening resistance, V went for broke, pulling away her hand and looking kind of nervous. "I mean.....if you wouldn't mind having me for a friend."
Oh, she's good. Sincere and ruthless all in the same breath. No wonder I like her so much.
John regarded her with grudging respect and a quick smile that revealed where his sons had gotten theirs, then stuck out his large weathered hand to seal the deal. "Well, if you put it like that.....how can I say no."
V smiled gloriously and put her hand in his, shaking on it. "That means more than any hotels ever could."
"Good.....then we'll just consider the hotels collateral. Between friends, of course."
Jax, Jerry and Jane all laughed at the elder Jacks' return to form. And, despite the minor defeat, V laughed too. Then, not to be outdone, she proceeded to cheat and loose four dozen's worth of cookies -- just to be safe.
"You cheated." John scolded, with a fierce glare.
V was not perturbed. "You've been cheating all night....I thought those were the rules."
From the safety of the other side of the room, Jax had been watching V intently all evening. He'd been anxious to have their not-so-little talk, and his nerves had shown. But, eventually, he'd accepted the fact that it simply wasn't going to happen until everyone else in the house decided to allow them some privacy. Jerry decided now was as good a time to satisfy his own curiosity as any.....while Jax was distracted.
"So tell me, little brother.....why didn't you tell me about your assistant?"
Jax was only half listening, instead concentrating on V and trying to act like he wasn't. "You've known about her almost from the beginning......You've talked to her on Jacks business dozens of times. What's left to tell?"
"You might have mentioned that she was so good-looking."
Jax's snapped around to face his brother. This can not be happening. "Which has nothing to do with her being my assistant."
"Yeah.....but she's not my assistant. You and Mum keep saying it's well past time for me to settle down.....Looks like you have the perfect candidate for an addition to the Jacks family right there in your office."
Like hell. "You can't be serious."
Jerry just shrugged, purposely keeping Jax off-balance. "Why not? She's beautiful, funny, intelligent....and she packs a helluva punch. Mum and Dad obviously love her already. She's been a true and loyal friend to you -- two qualities that few women have...as we both know. You've always raved about her -- even if you description was woefully lacking. What's not to love?"
Love? Jax couldn't manage to look anything but stunned.
Jerry finally chuckled and took pity on his bewildered younger brother. Poor Jax. "Calm down, little brother. Your friend's safe enough from me." Slapping him on the shoulder, Jerry rose to leave, and, while he was at, leaving Jax with something to think about. "Funny......you talked about Brenda night and day for two years......but you never once asked my help to keep from losing her. Strange how things work, huh? Oh, well, see you in the morning."
Jax just watched Jerry as he walked over and kissed Lady Jane good night, bid similar sentiments to their father, and then ambled over to V and affectionately ruffled her hair before softly laughing "Night, V" in response to the half-hearted smirk she tried to hide her smile in. Jax
continued to stare at her long after Jerry had left....noticing for the first time how seamlessly she had fit right into this house, this family....and unable to get past the one thing Jerry had said that kept reverberating in his mind.
What's not to love....love....love......
Chapter 9: Pieces
It was hours after everyone in the house had turned in for the night.....and, with the time change and the early time of her flight from back home, even longer hours since she had started this day, she should have been dead to the world. But V couldn't sleep. After tossing and turning for the past two hours hearing the voice of one Jacks or another run relentlessly through her head, she had finally given up the notion of rest and gotten out of bed. Pacing her room had eventually given way to pacing the vacant living room until, finally, she ended up curled in the overstuffed leather chair next to the window....staring out at the moonlit landscape. Not another soul for miles.
Despite their hare-brained scheme to get her here and the distant call of her life in Port Charles, a large part of herself that she tried so hard to ignore wanted desperately to stay.....and pretend, for a little while at least, that it could be the way she had secretly wanted for so long. The warm welcome of his family made it harder to stay mad at Jax....she'd even softened some towards his scoundrel of a brother. If she didn't think too long about their (ahem) meeting at the airport,
she was even starting to feel sorry about slugging him....a little.....a very little.
That was the danger with this family....they had a way of sweeping you up and making you forget that another world existed outside of the one they held in the magic of their smiles, the music of their laughter. They make it so easy to forget.....He makes it so easy......Jax had that talent in spades -- to make her forget everything, everyone else but him. It was a dangerous illusion, and V
never stopped reminding herself of that significant fact. There were other things and, more importantly, other people involved -- in Jax's life and in hers.
Jax. Why was it that everything in her life lately kept coming back to Jax? And everything in his always came back to Brenda. Oh, God....please....please, tell me......when is this ever going to get any easier?
Not tonight.
She'd heard the groan of the squeaky second tread of the stairs and wondered how long he'd been there....watching her tucked into her overgrown pajamas, staring at the moon like fool, tracing the twinkle of stars on the window pane. Although she felt silly being caught dreaming -- she couldn't brave facing him quite yet, so she continued to stare out at the night.... waiting, while her heart pounded fiercely in her chest.
~ ~ I can do what I want, I'm in completely control....that's what I tell myself
I got a mind of my own, I'll be all right alone....don't need anybody else
I gave myself a good talking to....no more being a fool for
But I see you, and all I remember is how you make me want to surrender ~ ~
Tonight.
He'd waited for seven long days for tonight and the chance to explain.....to her.....to himself. And now when that night had arrived, his voice was caught in his throat at the sight of her. A fear he didn't recognize drummed in his heart. If he didn't make this right....if he couldn't make her understand what he didn't fully understand himself....... and forgive him........Forgive me.........then
he'd lose her, and that frightened him most of all. She might stay in his employ, even in his life....but she'd slowly and surely drift from his side, his reach. She'd stop finishing his sentences, saying what no one else dared, laughing at some inside joke that was only funny because she understood it, speaking in that friend-speak shorthand that thrived on constant close contact. She'd be polite and friendly and even loyal....but there would be a protective barrier between them that she'd let him wander up to but never past. And when the day finally arrived that the status quo was to painful for either of them to continue, she would go and never come back.
In the face of all this chaos running through his veins, she looked like a fairy creature of the night, a figment of his desperate imagination. Her face was turned away from, bathed in the pale blue glow of moonlight. Then, suddenly, she relented and looked at him.....her dark eyes holding a sea of stars. She looked so small and vulnerable, knees pulled up to her elbows, swimming in a pair of what looked like men's pajamas with the cuffs and hems rolled up. His steely assistant, his strong and independent friend had disappeared and in her place was this fragile mystery....all eyes and mouth and heart on her sleeve.
~ ~ Damn your eyes
For taking my breath away
Making me wanna stay
Damn your eyes
For getting my hopes up high
Making me fall in love again
Damn your eyes ~ ~
And instead of answers...all he had were questions. How could I look into that face and say such things? When did I become so cruel....so selfish and unthinking that I would expect you to bear the brunt of all these things I didn't want to face myself? When did I become such a coward? How can I ever apologize for all that? Sweet Jesus....what have I done?
"You hurt me, Jax." Her uncertain voice softly broke the silence. Nothing else. Nothing else seemed to mattered.
~ ~ It's always the same, you say that you'll change....somehow you never do
I believe all your lies, I look in your eyes....you make it all seem true
I guess I see what I wanna see....or is it my heart just deceiving me?
Cause with that look I know so well....I fall completely under your spell ~ ~
He had no answer, no sweet words to make it all better as he came closer to sit on the stone hearth near her bare feet. "I know.....I ---" He took a deep breath and tried to push past all the emotion trapped inside him. "Since that day at the penthouse, all I've thought about was getting the chance to make up for all that I said to you, for the way I acted.....and, now....the right words just won't come."
She just watched him cautiously.
~ ~ Damn your eyes....for taking my breath away
For making me wanna stay
Damn your eyes....for getting my hopes up high
For making me fall in love again
Damn your eyes ~ ~
He swallowed hard, his eyes shimmered with emotion as he stared intensely at her, willing her to understand him. "V.... you have been my best friend -- my only friend.....the only person I could rely on, the only one I could trust, the only one who understood me. Sometimes, you were the only person outside of these four walls that truly cared for me." Maybe even loved me. "And in return for all your kindness, for all that you've done.....I have taken you for granted and treated you like a second-class citizen in my life when nothing could be farther from the truth. You have been the only sane thing in my life, even when it didn't look like it. Even when everything about the way we met and became friends seemed to defy the laws of gravity." Jax blinked against the unfamiliar sting of tears, his voice reflecting his sincerity, and his fear. "You were right.....there are some things that you just can't take back -- V, I just don't have enough words to say how sorry I
am......I'm so ashamed of the way I behaved. And now I am terrified that I have destroyed our friendship......"
"Jax, stop....." Her voice sounded hoarse to her own ears, as she tried to leave the chair and rush past him.
~ ~ You keep deliberately deceiving me
Making me see what I wanna see
Damn your eyes....for taking my breath away
For making me wanna stay
Damn your eyes....for getting my hopes up high
For making me fall in love again
Damn your eyes ~ ~
No, no, no, no, no....... He reached out to hold her in place, near panic. "V, please! I know saying I'm sorry isn't enough...nowhere near enough --- I just don't know what else to say. Tell me what I can do to make things right, and I'll do it!" His hand brushed her face, sweeping tears from her cheek....trying to force her downcast eyes to meet his, he drew his face closer.....Reckless and afraid. "Do you want me to drop to my knees and beg? I'll do it......" And he did, kneeling at her feet, his fingers gently raking her hair, his voice low and intense, trying to make her look at him....hear him. "Anything, Venus. Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it. You mean too much to me to lose you. Anything....I swear!"
Stop it, please, stop it. His face and the rest of the dim room swam through the veil of her tears. V jerked away from him abruptly and bolted a few feet away, trying to put some distance between. But it was too late. She felt like she was drowning, unable to catch her breath for the tide of feelings he had unleashed. And before she could prevent it, a dam burst....revealing things she'd never meant to give voice to. She whirled to face him....unseeing, unthinking.
~ ~ Damn your eyes...for taking my breath away
Damn...damn your eyes...for getting my hopes up high
For making fall in love...fall in love again
Damn...damn your eyes ~ ~
"I want you to leave me in peace...not in pieces! I want my heart to stop turning over in my chest everytime you walk into the room! I want my breath not to catch at the sight of you! I want my blood not to hum at your slightest touch! I want the sound of your voice not to make the very air come alive! I want every other man I know to stop paling in comparision to you! I want to stop praying every night to know what you taste like just once! And I want it to stop hurting so damn much that I can't have you!"
Yes, she had been right......there were things -- once said -- that you couldn't take back.
And as suddenly as she'd started, V stopped talking, pressing one hand to her mouth and the other to her stomach, as if in pain. Oh, dear God, what have I done? What have I done!
________________________________________________________________________________
Music credits to the one and only Ms. Etta James. "Damn Your Eyes" from
the cd Seven Year Itch -- gut wrenching blues about being in love even
when you don't want to be.
Chapter 10: The Things You Can't Take Back
The words seemed to hang in the room like smoke.
"I want my heart to stop turning over in my chest every time you walk into the room! I want my breath not to catch at the sight of you!"
Dear God, what had she done......
"I want my blood not to hum at your slightest touch! I want the sound of your voice not to make the very air come alive!"
How could she have been so careless.....
"I want every other man I know to stop paling in comparison to you! I want to stop praying every night to know what you taste like just once!"
Never before in her entire life had she ever wished so fervently that the ground would open up and swallow her whole....
"And I want it to stop hurting so damn much that I can't have you!"
How would she ever face him now.....
She couldn't. V kept her eyes tightly closed, and, as if in slow motion, she silently wiped away the tears from her cheeks with a single, deliberate stroke of each hand and let them drop to her side with aching precision. Her heart pounded so hard she thought it might leap from her chest. Her blood roared in her ears. Her breath escaped in harsh, burning rasps. The silence was so still and taunt that V thought she could hear him blink. And, yet, as painful as the silence stretched
between them, the last thing she wanted was for Jax to try and fill it. So, for the first time in her existence, she begged in a tentative, halting whisper. "P-please.......please....don't say anything. If you ever cared.....If our friendship means anything at --- mmph...."
So he didn't. And he did. And it did.
Chocolate. He tasted like chocolate. Sweet....and dark.....and hot. Everything disappeared, leaving only the taste and feel of his mouth -- hard, persistent, wild. Succumbing to the onslaught, she buried her fingers in his hair and tried to satisfy her thirst. There was nothing else.....only Jax. God help her, how had she ever thought that one taste would be enough?
Hungry. He couldn't remember ever being so hungry......for the taste of her, the feel of her. One hand tangled in the fabric of her pajamas, trying to pull her closer.....the other palm slid along the silky skin of her back that peeked out from beneath, trying to push her more tightly against his chest. Already, her feet floated just about the floor, but he couldn't get her close enough. Jax felt like he was drowning in her.....and he welcomed it.
Then V slowly pulled her face away, her breath still ragged and moist against his lips. He brushed a final soft kiss against her parted mouth before letting her drift back down his body to earth. V clutched at him, two small fistfuls of his t-shirt trying to help hold herself steady. She leaned her forehead against his chin briefly, trying to gather her scattered thoughts and feelings.
"Venus..."
Jax. "I...." V took a deep breath, and began to back away. "I...I can't think when you're this close."
"Don't think." Jax stared down with glittering eyes, trying to catch his breath and her before her armor reappeared....but it was already too late. She carefully disengaged herself from his arms and put a small distance between them. He could almost see the wheels furiously turning in her head, trying to explain the past few minutes away...put it in some logical, safe place. He didn't see how they could do that, and he wasn't going to pretend otherwise -- he didn't want to. "We can't take it all back, V......Or pretend like it didn't happened."
"Yes, we can. We have to, Jax." The panic which had threatened to overwhelm her moments before was gone....and, in its place, was an eerie calm. She knew what she had to do.....and what had to be said. If there is the slightest chance.....
He couldn't understand this sudden deviation from her normally forthright demeanor. "Why are you acting like we've done something wrong? Something to be ashamed of?"
V cast him one final sad smile in the half-glow of the moonlight before she turned on a nearby table lamp, flooding the room with a sharper light. It was time to burn away the illusions. "I'm not ashamed of my feelings, Jax. Or my actions. I just don't see any reason to discuss a mute point, that's all."
Mute point, my a---- "V, I know you're still angry with me, but....." Jax struggled to understand, but couldn't make heads or tails of her mood. "If you're expecting me to apologize for kissing you,
you'll be disappointed.....because I won't." I'm not sorry.....I won't say that I am.
If you do, I'll hit you a damn sight harder than I hit your brother. A small, sad smile danced on her lips. "No, I'm not angry...not really." She just shook her head. For a long time, they
simply studied each other across the room, before she finally spoke. "Did you honestly think I would stop being your friend because you hurt my feelings?"
"I was afraid that you might...yes." Jax watched her warily, unsure of the rules between them now. She seemed to be hunting for something in his answers, something in particular....and it made him nervous. He wanted to have the right answers, but he couldn't quite figure out the
question within the question. Yet. "The way I acted was inexcusable....I wasn't sure you would be able to forgive me. I'm still not."
"Forgive? Or forget?"
"Either....both.....I don't know....." He was clearly puzzled, unable to anticipate where she was going with all this. "Does it have to be one or the other?"
V shrugged with a casualness she didn't feel, slowly circling the issue. "It's just that.....well, forgetting seems to have become a theme in your life as of late."
Things had been much simpler when they weren't talking. As it was now....the more that was said, the more confused he became. "Forgetting? I don't understand."
No, you don't....but you will....if it's the last thing I do. "You've tried to forget who you are -- what you are -- for months now. And with certain degree of success, I might add."
She kept changing directions, so he gave up trying to guess what would come next. "V, you're not making any sense."
"I'm making perfect sense, Jax....you just don't want to hear it." She fixed him with pointed stare. "Mac hasn't been the only one with someone else walking around in his place. Every morning I come into office and there's a stranger waiting there. He looks like you and he tries to sound like you and act like you......but the only time he pulls it off is during business. Professionally, you've never been sharper, more shrewd, more focused....as a matter of fact, I suspect that the real Jasper Jacks has finally shown himself to me. But personally......you've been dressing up your Doppelganger and sending him in to pinch-hit for you because you've decided to stop playing the game the rest of us call life."
"'Doppelganger'?" Jax laughed to keep her words from ringing quite so loudly in his ears. "Don't you think you're exaggerating just a little?"
"I'm not exaggerating at all, and you know it." V wasn't going to back off now. She'd been quiet too long and she was going to say what no one else had the courage to tell him.....the truth. Even if hurt. "Breaking down doors....moving in a woman that could politely be called your brother's ex-lover......ignoring your friends, antagonizing strangers -- please....if you have a better explanation, I'd love to hear it."
He tried to force a denial out. "That's not....."
"True?" Don't lose your nerve now, V. He has to hear it all. "If you wanted company living in the great land of denial, you should have kidnapped Brenda....not me. I don't want to hurt you, Jax. And, God knows, I wish that someone else would be the one to say these
things.....but that's not how it worked out."
She took a steadying breath and a step closer. "You've spent every waking moment since the day I met you wanting to be with Brenda....fighting any resistance, making any sacrifice.....anything to be with her. You put her up on a pedestal and worshiped on the altar of
her unattained love. You even forgave her for betraying you with another man."
His eyes burned as if she had struck him, but he remained rigidly silent. "In order to do that, you buried your pride and your hurt and your anger and your self-respect and your belief that you deserved better than whatever morsel of affection and devotion she had left over to give you once Sonny left her -- again. And, no matter what, it was never Brenda's fault. You blamed Sonny Corinthos, you blamed Jason Morgan and the mob, you blamed her dead father, you blamed
yourself.....you even blamed Ned Ashton and the Quartermaines and the doctors for thinking they knew how to fix her when you didn't. But never Brenda."
V looked away from his bitter stare, determined not to lose her courage. It was too late now, anyway. If he was going to hate her for her honesty, he already had all the reason he would need....there was no way to take back the things she'd just said. "Then, one day the two of you woke up from the nightmare. She decided to do what the rest of us do everyday and run her own life. Suddenly, the only person's emotional aftermath you had to deal with was your own......and you didn't like what you saw, so you bailed."
"Are you finished?" He asked in a flat voice, afraid she was only beginning.
"Not even close."
Jax said nothing else....merely waiting for her to continue.
"She hurt you....more than you thought anyone ever could. She's finally free and she wants to be with you. And you're not sure you could survive the pain if she hurt you again. So rather the chance it, you've re-arranged your life to try and make sure that there's no threat of a repeat performance. Only, it's not working out quite the way you planned."
"How so?" Jax sat down on the sofa, amazed at his own calm. No, he wasn't calm exactly......he was numb -- the way you feel after your body wakes from a deep sleep, but your mind is still a few feet behind and everything still feels unreal.
"Re-arranged your life, you mean?" V sat quietly beside him, a feeling of inevitably settling down upon her shoulders. "Brenda has your heart nailed up above her mantle, Ms. Brent shares your bed and asks for nothing more as long as she can wear you out in public like a very expensive dress, and I --- " She couldn't bring herself to finish her thought without her own heart showing.
"And you?" Jax challenged, softly. He left the invitation open to any answer she was willing to give.
But V had made all the confessions she could handle for one night. She gave him a self-depricating half-smile and swallowed the lump in her throat. "I run a very efficient office."
"Sounds very convenient." He gave a half-hearted smile back, wishing he could deny it....any of it. "And it's not working according to plan because ---- ?"
"You aren't a man who can be content living his life halfway, Jax. Never have been, never will be." V couldn't stop herself from gently nudging his shoulder with her own. "I would feel quite safe in betting that 'halfway' isn't even in the Jacks vocabulary."
The first true smile of the night brightened his face briefly. "What gave it away?"
"I've met your family, remember?" she quickly retorted, before becoming serious again. "You're a good man, Jax......stop settling for crumbs and decide what it is you really want."
The silence had grown expectant, but not uncomfortable, between them again before he found his voice again. "I brought you here to apologize....to prove to you that -- although a world class jerk -- I wasn't a complete waste of your time as a friend. So why do I feel like I've made a better argument for strangling me in my sleep than for anything else?"
"Admittedly, the kidnapping part was not your best move --- "
"That part was Jerry's idea, by the way." He wasn't above getting back in her good graces anyway he could.
"Why am I not surprised? But as I was saying.....aside from that, you were holding your own just fine." Jax didn't look convinced, so V continued softly, staring down her feet. "You were spoiling for a fight that day at the penthouse......I knew something was wrong, I just wasn't sure what. Everything I said only seemed to make you more upset. That didn't keep it from hurting though, Jax, and I can't say that it did."
"V, I didn't mean the things I said." He wondered how much worse he could possibly feel about that day. "I would do anything to take them back."
"You don't understand.....it wasn't what you said that hurt most, Jax." She turned her head to look at him. "What hurts most is that you keep confusing me with the other women in your life."
He couldn't have been more stunned if he had tried. "I never --- "
"Yes, you do." She continued as if he hadn't interrupted. "I don't give and take my friendship away based on a whim with no more purpose or direction than a feather in the breeze. I don't say one thing and mean another. And more importantly, I don't dangle my affections between two men and play them endlessly against each other because I lack the certainty of my feelings to make a decision and stick to it."
V rose from the couch, and looked down on his surprised face, suddenly feeling very tired. "I'm going to bed, Jax. I'll see you in the morning."
"V, wait...." His voice stopped her retreat. "There are things we have to talk about." That kiss. "Things we can't ignore."
That kiss. "Jax, let it be." She turned as she reached the bottom step, and chided him gently. "It's late, we're both tired, and I've already said more things tonight than I can take back in a lifetime. Everything that's left will still be waiting for us tomorrow."
Jax stared, not bothering to hide in his expression what was so clearly on both their minds. That kiss.
V stared back at him for a moment before she turned to leave. She wondered if she should tell him that he'd been forgiven before his knees had hit the floor. In the end, she decided to wait until tomorrow. After all, it was a small price for him to pay in return for tasting like chocolate.
************
Jax remained behind in the living room long after she left, trying to wade through the tidal wave of feelings her words had evoked. Through the hours that followed, whenever he felt like he was losing his way, he would look over at the empty leather chair by the window where he could still picture her sitting.....tracing the stars with her fingers....and smiled. She was right.
Everything that was important would still be here in the morning.