Realizations Chapter 5

by oceangirl

[previously in Realizations: Justin a little boy that V had befriended
died from an apparant cocain overdose. V was devastated.]

V walked out of the room that held Justin’s lifeless body and leaned
against the wall for support. Now was not the time for her to lose it.
She had to much work to do. Justin’s parents wouldn’t get away with what
they had done to that beautiful little boy. She would see to it that
they would pay. Her mind was in a fog but she was coherent enough to
make arrangements to get back to her car. She wouldn’t sleep tonight.
There was to much work to be done.

"V, I am really sorry. I wish we could have done more." Bobbie said
softly as V closed her cell phone.

"I know Bobbie. I’m sorry I have to get out of here. Please let me know
when the autopsy is done. I’ll take care of the fu….funeral
arrangements." [I couldn’t save him, at least I can see that this is
done properly] V hurried to the exit. As she walked through the doors
she practically ran right into Jerry.

"I’m sorry sir, please excuse me." V said in a monotone voice. She
didn’t even recognize who it was.

Jerry started to call to her but decided against it. Something told him
that V wanted to be left alone. He watched as V climbed in the waiting
cab. He went inside to find Bobbie.

*************************************************************************************

V sat at her desk going through all the files the department had on
Justin’s parents. She couldn’t believe what she was reading. They had
been in trouble for years yet they somehow managed to regain custody of
Justin. Every time it looked as though Justin would be taken away and
put in a good home, some judge would give him back to those monsters.
The last time they were picked up was the first time V had met Justin.
She smiled sadly at the memory. Although it had only been a few months
ago it seemed like an eternity to her. She had done everything she could
to try and keep Justin away from them but in the end he was put back in
harms way. [I wonder what Judge Myers will think of his rulings now. If
he had listened to everyone that was against Jus being put back in that
damnable place he would still be alive.]

"V what are you doing here?" Taggert asked softly. He walked over to her
desk and looked at the files piled up in front of her. "Ardanowski it
isn’t going to do you any good to do this to yourself. The system failed
this time BUT you aren’t to blame. Sometimes it just sucks. Tonight
proved that more then ever."

V shot Taggert an angry glance. "What would you have me doing detective?
Sitting at home crying? That isn’t going to do anyone any good least of
all Justin. The system failed him and I am going to do what ever I can
to see that it doesn’t happen again."

Taggert sat on the edge of V’s desk. "V look, I know how you feel."

[Yeah I bet you do detective]

"No V I really do. I had a case similar to this one back when I was a
rookie detective. Same thing happened. Crappy parents into all sorts of
illegal stuff. A little girl stuck smack dab in the middle. She kept
getting put back with them against everyone’s wishes. The judge didn’t
have a choice. There wasn’t anywhere else for her to go. No other family
and the foster program couldn’t find any suitable homes for her. Sound
familiar?"

V nodded.

"She was beaten by an angry customer of the parents. They didn’t have
the drugs he wanted so he took it out on the little girl. She died two
days later in the hospital. She was only 7."

V leaned her head on her hand and pinched the bridge of her nose. "There
has to be something that can be done Taggert. It has to stop. How can a
society stand for the slaughter of it’s children? There has to be a
viable solution that keeps these kids safe and I am going to find it."
She stood up and closed the files on her desk. "I’ll be at home if
anything comes up. I’m not due back here until the day after tomorrow.
Keep me informed."

"I will V."

"Thanks." V walked out of the station. Hoping to leave behind at least
part of one of the worst days of her life.

*************************************************************************************

V wrapped a towel around her head and pulled her robe on. The shower had
managed to clear her head enough so that she was no longer in a fog. She
padded into the living room and sat at her computer. [OK Venus it’s now
or never. You WILL make this work if it takes every second of every
day of your time] She drafted the letter and printed out half a dozen
copies. She knew Mac was downstairs working so she dialed the number and
waited for an answer.

"Mac can you come up for a few minutes? There is something I need to run
by you and it can’t wait. Thanks"

V answered her door before Mac had a chance to knock. "Thanks for
coming." V stood aside to let Mac in.

Mac walked into the living room and looked at V. "What’s up V? Listen
I’m really sorry about that little boy."

"Justin. His name was Justin, Mac. That is why I asked you to come up
here. I have an idea and I needed to run it by you before I went any
further."

"Ok what is it?"

10 minutes later V finished. "Well?" She asked an astounded Mac. "Will
the department back me on this or what?" [If they won’t I’ll take a
leave of absence and do it on my own so it doesn’t really matter]

"Go ahead V it sounds like a great idea. And you can count on Felicia
and I for any support as well. But I really think you should hold of
until after the trial."

V slumped down onto her sofa. "I was afraid of that. But I know you are
right."

"Well don’t worry about it. The trial wont be to far away. I think that
this is one that they aren’t going to want to sit around and fester. I’m
sure Myers is going to do everything in his power to see that it’s
expedited."

Suddenly V felt utterly exhausted and a headache was forming at her
temples. "Thanks Mac."

"No problem V. You know you can take a few extra days off if you need
to."

"That’s ok. I’ll be back day after tomorrow."

"Well if you change your mind."

"I won’t."

V started to get up.

"Don’t get up V. I can let myself out. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Mac."

When the door clicked shut V pulled herself off of the sofa, walked over
and locked the door before heading into her room. She took the towel off
her hair hung it up in the bathroom and then collapsed onto the bed.
That is when she saw Justin’s bear sitting on her nightstand. She hadn’t
even realized that she
had brought it into her room. She reached over and grabbed it, clutching
it to her chest as the pent up tears started falling from her eyes. She
laid down and let the pain wash over her.

"Justin I’m so sorry. Oh GOD I am so sorry." She laid on her bed sobbing
until no more tears would come. The bear held tightly against her chest.
Just as a weary sleep began to overtake her body the phone rang. To
spent to answer it she laid there and listened to her machine pick it
up.

"I thought I would catch you at home. I guess since it’s so late and
you aren’t there you must be out working on a case. I’m sorry I missed
you. Be safe and I’ll talk to you soon Venus."

V listened to the soothing tone of Jax’s voice but didn’t make any
attempt to get up and talk to him. When the call ended V closed her eyes
tightly as a new flood of tears sprang to her eyes. Sometime in the wee
hours of the morning a completely spent Ossifer V finally fell asleep

A soft knock on V’s door roused her from her troubled slumber around
8am. She climbed out of bed and went to see who it was. She was
surprised to see detective Taggert on the other side. [what a way to
start the day] she ran her fingers through her hair and pulled the door
open.

"Detective." She said as she stood aside.

"Ardanowski." Taggert nodded as he came inside. "I knew you would want
this information so I thought it best to bring it over asap. I took the
liberty of bringing you some coffe and a bagel. Hope you don’t mind."

[maybe you do really have a heart under that cold hard shell Taggert.]
"No not at all. I’m glad you brought me the information. Anything new or
unsuspected?" V led Taggert over to the sofa and sat down. He handed her
a coffee and took one for himself.

"Nothing that really surprises me. They did the autopsy last night.
Justin had enough coke in his system to kill a person twice his size.
I’m amazed he was so coherent when you found him."

V’s hand subconsciously went her shoulder blade and started massaging it
slowly.

"Look V we can do this later if you want. It’s not going to change
anything if we wait."

"No Taggert, lets get it over with now. Are his parents saying
anything?"

"Not yet. But I’m planning on interrogating them a little later."

[not without me you don’t!] "What time? I want to be there."

"Sorry V. Mac said no way. He said you are to involved on this one and
he won’t allow it."

"We’ll have to see about that. What else do you have."

"Not to much. Other then proof of previous abuse. The wonders of the
resiliency of children, both his legs showed signs of breaks that healed
pretty normally on their own. We’ve got enough evidence to put Justin’s
folks away for a long time."

"Is the DA willing to go for murder one? Or are they going to plea it
away?"

"ADA Jensen refuses to plea it away. She wants these people behind bars
as much as we do. V I’m really sorry. I know you did everything in your
power to keep him from going back to them. Taggert looked at his watch
and stood up. "I really have to get back to the office. "I gave the
medical examiner your number. He’ll call you when the body…um when
Justin can be released. There are a few more tests that he wants to run.
I understand that you are going to take care of all the arrangements for
his funeral."

"Yes I am. I owe him that much."

"V you don’t owe anyone anything least of all Justin. You did EVERYTHING
you could for him. Stop beating yourself up about it or it’s going to
tear you apart."

V looked at Taggert questioningly.

"V everyone knows how much time you were spending with Justin."

"How?"

Taggert gave V a crooked smile. "He told us. He called one afternoon
looking for you and Garcia took the call, it was on speakerphone. When
we all realized that it was Justin we listened. When Garcia told him
that you weren’t there Justin started telling him all the things the two
of you had done together. Garcia made us swear that we would never let
you know that we knew."

V looked down at the floor and angrily wiped away her tears.

"V so you see you don’t owe Justin anything. You gave him the happiest
time of his short life the last few months." Taggert cleared his throat.
It was getting a little to much for him as well. Taggert walked over to
the door. "Ardanowski."

V looked at Taggert.

"Remember that. Don’t dwell on the bad stuff. Justin didn’t. You gave
him your time and love. To a little 4 year old boy that’s better then
Christmas and birthdays rolled into one." Taggert opened the door and
left without looking back at V.

V pulled her knees up and put her chin on them. She was expecting
another flood of tears but nothing would come. When the ringing of the
phone brought her out of her fog, she had no idea how long she had been
sitting there.

"Ardanowski"

"Hi there."

[Jax come home I need you.] "Hi."

"V what’s wrong?"

V cleared her throat. "Nothing Jax."

[what ever it is V it isn’t nothing] "Are you sure? I’m here if you want
to talk about it."

[that’s the last thing you need right now.] "Thanks Jax but I’ll be ok.
I’m just tired. How’s the business going?"

[evasion V? that isn’t like you. it must be serious.] "It’s going good.
I might be able to wrap it up and come home next week."

"That’s nice Jax."

Jax’s radar kicked up a notch. [from the sound of it, that will be a
good thing V.] "Well I really have to go V. I’ve got a meeting in a few
minutes."

"Ok. You take care."

"You too V."

V hung up the phone and sighed. She got up and headed into the bathroom
to take a shower.

*************************************************************************************

A week had passed since Justin’s death. V had made all the arrangements,
now all she needed was for his body to be released so that he could be
put to rest. She had spent her days at the office and her nights locked
up in her apartment. She had shut everyone out of her life. She had
stopped taking calls, letting her machine get them for her. She had even
stopped painting and drawing. Felicia and Mac were extremely worried
but when they tried to talk to her she brushed them off or didn’t answer
her door. They were both at a loss, not knowing what to do to help her.
Jax had finally called Felicia at the Outback to find out what was going
on with V, but her answers only served to raise more questions.

V had finally had gotten the call that she was waiting for on her day
off. Justin was going to be buried the next morning at 9am. She didn’t
tell anyone, this was something she had to do alone. She called Mac at
the station and told him she was taking a personal day tomorrow and that
she would be back to work early the day after. Mac immediately called
Felicia to ask her to keep an eye on V and Felicia promised that she
would, allowing Mac to feel slightly better.

--------------------------------------

As V opened her front door to head out for Justin’s funeral she found
Felicia standing there with a worried look on her face.

"V please don’t shut me out. I want to help." Felicia noticed V’s black
dress and realized where V must be headed. "Why didn’t you tell Mac and
I that Justin’s funeral was this morning?"

"Because I didn’t want to. I don’t want you there Felicia."

"But V you shouldn’t be alone."

"Felicia please try and understand this is something I have to do by
myself." V pleaded with her eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Felicia I am."

"Ok V. I’m not going to lie and say I understand but I’ll respect your
wishes. Is there anything I can do?"

"Thank you and no there isn’t. I’ve taken care of everything. I hate to
be rude but I really have to go."

"Call me later V. Please."

"I’ll try Felicia. That’s the best I can promise." V looked sadly at
Felicia, walked past her and down the steps into the rainy morning.

Felicia pulled V’s door shut making sure it was locked as she did so.
Then headed back downstairs to the Outback and to call Mac. He was in a
meeting so she left a message for him to call her immediately and hung
up.

---------------------------

V stood alone in the rain swept cemetery and stared at the flower draped
casket that held what was once the promise of a bright future. She tried
to listen to the words of the minister but her mind kept replaying the
last time she had talked to Justin. She had promised him that everything
would be ok and she had failed. Everything wasn’t all right. It was all
wrong. The minister looked at the V and frowned. Her beautiful young
face held a haunted look that he hoped would diminish in time. He knew
about the situation and his heart broke for her.

---------------------------

Jax walked into the Outback looking for Felicia. He found her behind the
bar taking inventory.

"Felicia have you seen V?"

Felicia stood up. "Hello Jax. Yes I saw her a little bit ago. She was
going out."

"Do you know where? I’m worried about her. She hasn’t returned any of my
calls and I haven’t been able to get in touch with her. What’s going
on?"

[V I know someday you’ll forgive me for this] "She’s at a funeral Jax."

"The little boy who died that you told me about when I called?"

Felicia shook her head.

"No offence Felicia but why aren’t you with her?"

"None taken Jax. She wouldn’t let me go."

"Is Mac with her?"

"No he doesn’t even know about it yet."

"Then who’s with her?"

"Nobody. She didn’t tell anyone. The only reason I know about it is
because I caught her before she left this morning."

"Do you know where she is?"

"No. I’m sorry Jax. She didn’t tell me anything. But she can only be at
one of two places. There are only two cemeteries in Port Charles."

"How long ago did she leave?"

"About half an hour ago." Felicia grabbed a phone book and started
looking for numbers. She found what she was looking for and dialed
quickly.

"Yes this is Comissioner Scorpio’s office calling. Can you please tell
me if there is a funeral going on right now for a young child?" Felicia
tapped her fingers impatiently on the counter while waiting for the
answer. "There is? Thank you very much."

"Where is she?" Jax asked quickly in is own impatience.

"Port Charles Cemetery. It’s on.."

"I know where it is thanks." Jax replied over his shoulder as he ran out
the door.

----------------------------------------

V didn’t bother wiping away her tears. The rain hitting her face would
have hid them if anyone else would have been there to see them anyway.
She stood watching as Justin’s casket was lowered. A single white rose
clutched in her hand. She walked to the edge of the gravesite and said a
prayer before dropping the rose into it. She remained where she was as
the workers began to shovel dirt onto the casket. She began to shake,
unable to tell whether it was from the cold rain that fell or the sobs
that wracked her body. She was to numb to care.

Jax walked up behind V and draped his coat over her shoulders. She
looked up and tried to smile but failed miserably. Jax put his arm
around her waist and led her away. She didn’t try and stop him. She was
never so glad to see anyone in her life. He led her to his car and got
her into the front seat and closed the door. He hurried around to the
drivers side and climbed in. He turned the heat on in an effort to warm
V up, she was shaking almost uncontrollably. They made the trip to her
apartment in silence. When they reached the steps V tried to go up them
but stumbled backwards. Jax put his arm around V’s waist and slowly
helped her up the stairs. When they got to the door, Jax turned the
knob, thankfully it was open. He led V into her bedroom and coaxed her
to sit down on her bed. He then walked back out to close the front door.
He caught Felicia trying to sneak out of the apartment.

"I brought up some breakfast. There is coffee, tea and fresh muffins. I
don’t think she’s been eating much lately. If you need anything call."

"Thank you Felicia." Jax closed the door behind her and hurried back
into V’s bedroom. He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower,
adjusting the temperature before he walked back into V’s room.

"Come on V you need to get out of those wet clothes and into a hot
shower." Jax said softly. He took his coat off of V’s shoulders and
stood her up. She didn’t say anything or make any attempt to move.

"V please, go get undressed and get into the shower before you get
sick." Jax turned V towards the bathroom and gave her a gentle shove. V
took a few steps stopped and turned towards Jax.

"It’s my fault Jax. He’s dead because I failed him."

To be continued.