Promises, Promises-25

by: Sydney

~chapter 25~

Jerry was leaning against the doorway, his legs crossed at the ankles. He wore a cocky grin on his face while his dark piercing eyes looked Miranda over from head to toe. He let out a low whistle.

"Wow! Looking good, sis. Oh, I forgot....that's Brenda's title now."

"Not yet it isn't." Miranda fired back. "What do you want, Jerry?" Her voice was cold and distant. Jerry's appearance in Port Charles now was definitely not good.

"Ohhhh, a little chilly aren't we? You know, I remember a time when my showing up at your door was a welcomed thing." he said suggestively.

"That was a long time ago....when I was young and didn't have any taste." Miranda crossed her her arms in front of her, a sign of determination that he wouldn't be entering her room tonight.

"Ouch. You certainly know how to wound a chap, Randi." his cocky grin returning with a vengance.

Fire flashed in her eyes. "That's *not* my name. Now either tell me what you want or I'm calling the police." A sly smile crossed her lips. "You *do* know who is commissioner here, don't you? You're old pal, Mac Scorpio."

Jerry chuckled as he shook his head. "Yeah, I know. Jax helped him get the job. Go ahead. Call. I'm sure he still owes me a few from way back. Besides, I haven't seen him in a while. I think we both have a lot of catching up to do. In fact, I'd *love* to fill him in all the new things I've learned." his tone left no room for misinterpretation. "And since we're speaking of the past...."

Miranda interrupted him with a sexy smile, trying to divert his line of thinking to safer ground. At least *this* was something she could handle. "Oh, I get it now. You're here for what? A roll in the hay? For old times sake, perhaps?"

Jerry laughed. "Don't flatter youself. You wouldn't be worth the trip."

Miranda's smile faded and her voice turned cold again. "Then why don't we just cut the crap, Jerry. What *are* you doing here?"

Jerry leaned forward, his face inches from hers. His voice low and deadly. "Why else? I'm here to make sure you keep our bargain." ~~~~~~~~~

Gail's words echoed in Jax's mind. ("Well, sometimes, in that particular situation, it could be a number of things. A baby's cry....a picture....a song that was playing in the delivery room the day the baby was delivered. Anything could really bring that memory back.")

Jax sat watching Brenda stare at the picture. It had only been a few seconds since he'd opened it, but it felt like eternity when trying to gauge her reaction. He was afraid. He was afraid of how she would react. He was afraid of what this could do to her if she had done what he suspected and had repressed the memory of her child.

He'd already lived through Jordan's terror and pain as he relived the past today. He wasn't sure he could handle watching it again....this time it would be worse. This time it would be his Brenda. But when he looked into her eyes, he instantly knew if she needed him to, he'd somehow find the strength to go through it all again.

Jax reached up and touched her face gently. "Brenda? Brenda, honey? Are you ok?"

Brenda tore her eyes from the picture to look at Jax. "Where did this come from? How did it get in here? Who...who is this?"

From the moment she'd seen Jax's shock when he opened the locket, she'd had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something was wrong. Very wrong. That feeling had turned to knots as soon as she saw the picture. Her heart stopped it's racing and her breath caught in her throat. She felt as if her whole world just suddenly stopped. For there, inside Jordan's heart-shaped locket, she saw an image of herself staring back at her. ~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly couple were walking down the hallway of the hotel. They looked curiously at Miranda and Jerry as they passed by. Jerry followed them with his eyes till they were out of earshot.

"So, what do you say, Randi? May I come in? I'm sure you don't want the rest of the world to hear what I have to say. You know how nosey people can get. And then rumors fly and the next thing you know the wrong people find out...."

Miranda raised a hand to silence him. "Fine." she answered tersely. "But make it quick. I'm tired, it's late, and I'm *not* in the mood for games."

Jerry backed up and grinned. "Whatever you say, my lady."

Miranda opened the door and stood to the side as Jerry walked past her and plopped down on the couch. He whistled as he looked around the room. "Nice digs. So, tell me....is your divorce from Jax paying for this or have you begun to charge for your services again?"

Miranda glared at him. She knew she shouldn't ask....it would just egg him on. But she needed to know what exactly he knew and what he intended to do with the information. "What 'services' might you be thinking of, Jerry?"

Jerry chuckled. "That's right. You have *so* many. Actually, this time, I meant your cleaning services. You know, a client calls and needs a little mess 'taken care of'....that kind of thing."

Miranda nodded with a smile. "I don't...uh, how did you put it?....'clean' anymore. Thanks to your brother's generosity, I've been doing quite well on my own."

Jerry nodded. "I see. I must have been mistaken then."

"About what?"

"Your last sweep in....where was it? Texas? It must have been charity work on your part. Or maybe this was a personal mess you had to attend to. Am I right?" He barely held back his pleasure at her response. He'd hit the nail on the head....and they both knew it.

Miranda's jaws clenched with rage. How could he have known? He must be having her followed. Or following her himself. She forced herself to be calm. Ok. She now knew what he knew. Now she just needed to know what he was going to do with it.

She cleared her throat before speaking. "So, Jerry. You said you came to talk about our bargain. Why don't you refresh my memory? Which bargain are you talking about? ~~~~~~~~~~

Jax's face registered shock and concern. "*Who* is it? Brenda, honey. That's...that's you."

Brenda started shaking her head, determination filling her voice. "No. No. It's not. Look, I don't know who that girl in the picture is, but it most definitely isn't me."

Jax reached up and took her hands in his. "Sweetie, it's ok. Everything is going to be ok. Why don't you just take a deep breath and try to relax. We'll see if we can figure this out. You know you can tell me *anything*. It won't change how I feel about you. I already love Jordan. I already love you. This won't change a thing." Brenda looked at Jax, realization dawning on her. "Oh my god. You think....you think I'm his mother." her voice was filled with disbelief as she looked into his eyes. "You do, don't you?"

Brenda got off of Jax's lap and started to pace in front of the fireplace. Her mind was in such a whirl that she didn't even notice the pain in her ankle.

She began remembering bits of conversations as pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. "You've told me in the past that Jordan has told you he had a picture of his mother that his Nana gave him. That's how he knew his mom when he met her. But we always assumed he meant Miranda. But now, because we know she isn't his mother....because of *this*, you believe it's me."

She turned to look at him, frustration and anger flashing out of her eyes. "Don't just sit there, *say* something!"

"Brenda...." Jax stood up and tried to reach for her, but she only backed away, tears beginning to fall down her face. "No. Don't do that. Don't try to hold me right now. I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me....do you think I'm Jordan's mother?"

Jax blinked and looked down before looking back up to meet her eyes. "Yes."

Jax heard her sharp intake of breath. Brenda couldn't believe they were even standing here discussing the possibility of her having a child. How this whole thing started with everyone so sure that Jordan was Jax's and now....now, she simply didn't know what to think or believe any more. And apparently, neither did Jax. Except that she was capable of keeping such a huge secret from him.

"How could you....how could you think I would have a child...and not tell you?" her voice was filled with pain as she felt her heart breaking in two.

After everything they had been through the two things she felt she could count on were Jax's love and their trust in each other. And with this new revelation, she felt as if half of what she believed in....what she counted on....was being ripped away. "That's what was wrong earlier today, wasn't it? Do you honestly believe I could keep something that big from you? That I could sit here day after day loving one child, knowing my own is somewhere out there and not even mention it to you? Do you trust me so little? Jax, do you?"

Jax took a step forward and put his hands on her shoulders, his passionate belief in her poured into every word. "No, Brenda. You have it all wrong. I don't distrust you. I have never believed in anyone in my life the way I believe in you...the way I trust you. I've given you my life. My heart. My soul. And know that they are safe with you. I trust you *that* much. I don't believe you would keep something like this from me."

Brenda looked up into his eyes. "Then how do you think..."

"I don't think you'd do it intentionally. Look, Gail was talking about repressed memory tonight. She was saying that sometimes tragic things can happen to people and they way they deal with it is they block it out. I think that's what you've done. I think you've blocked being a mother out of your memory...almost as if it never happened." He wanted so desperately for her to understand. Their trust in each other was one of the foundations they stood on. If she believe that was gone, it wouldn't be long before they began to crumble.

Brenda took a deep breath. Jax's words had soothed her enough for her to begin to think more clearly. She knew her truth. Now just needed to make him see it as well. "But don't you see. It *didn't* happen. Jax, I've never had a baby. I've never even been pregnant. There was only one time in my whole life that I even *thought* I could *possibly* be pregnant...and thank God, I wasn't." She took another deep breath as she took her hands in his.

"I don't know who the woman is in the picture. I just know it's not me."

~~~~~~~~~~~ "So, Jerry. Which bargain are we talking about? The one where we decided not to tell Jax about us? Or was there another you'd like to focus on?" She had leverage against him, and she wanted to be sure he knew it.

Jerry just shook his head. "Boy, I used to think you were a pretty smart cookie. Now, I see I was just plain wrong....especially when it comes to Jax. It's amazing how little you understand just how much everything has changed."

Miranda laughed. "If you think I don't know my own husband....you're wrong."

"No, I think I had it right the first time. Jax hasn't been your husband since the day he fell in love with Brenda. It seems to me he made that pretty clear when he divorced you. And if you think telling him about a fling that we had over 7 years ago that lasted only a few weeks and ended months before he ever showed up at my door with his new bride is going to bother him..." Jerry's smile widened, "...you're just wrong. Or delusional. Take your pick. Jax couldn't care less who you've bedded last week let alone a whole other lifetime ago."

Miranda smiled sweetly, trying to swallow the bitterness of Jerry's words. "You've not been around lately, Jerry, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and fill you in on some things."

"See, Jax may *think* he loves Brenda, but that's simply not true. I'm the mother of his son. A son that he loves so very much. And lately, Brenda's been getting in the way of that relationship. And that's something that Jax simply won't let happen. It won't be long before Jax realizes that his 'love' for Brenda was nothing more that infatuation. And the more he loves Jordan, the more he'll realize that he can't love him without loving his mother as well. And we'll all end up one happy family, like we were meant to be. We belong together. Brenda's just a passing phase."

Jerry's were full of amusement as his laughter filled the room. "Yep. Delusional." After he wiped his eyes from the tears of laughter that had formed, he added, "You know, Randi, you always were good for a laugh. Brenda. A passing phase. That's a good one."

His laughter had only managed to make Miranda angry and more anxious to find out what he wanted from her. "Well, I'm glad I've been able to entertain you tonight. Unfortunately, your company isn't very amusing to me. So, why don't you just get this over with and tell me what you want from me."

Jerry grew serious. "I want from you what I've always wanted from you. Jax's happiness. And right now, the way I see it, you're the only one who can give it to him." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jax looked at her in disbelief. "How can you say it's not you? Brenda, I've seen it. It *is* you."

"No, it's not. Look at it again. Look really close." Brenda handed him the locket and studied his face as he gazed at the picture. She smiled suddenly when she saw his eyes widen with understanding.

He looked back up at her. "You're right. The nose is different. And she doesn't have a mole." He sighed, more confused than ever. "Well, then if it isn't you, who is it?"

Brenda shook her head and took the locket back. "I don't know." she admitted as she sat down. "You know, people say that we all have doubles out there. Maybe she's mine."

Jax sat down on the table across from her. "I don't know, Brenda. She looks way too much like you to just be a double. I wonder who she is." For some reason, he still couldn't let go of the idea that Brenda and Jordan were related someway, somehow.

"Jordan's mom, no doubt." Suddenly, a thought hit Brenda. "Oh, no. Poor Jordan. He must think...." she grabbed Jax's hand. "...Jax, he must think I'm his mother."

Jax nodded as he looked down at her hand holding his. "I believe he does. And can you blame him?"

Brenda looked at Jax, who was still looking down. She knew that was his way of trying to hide the emotions that would be so evident in his eyes. Today had been so very hard on him, and she could see that he was trying even harder now to keep his emotions in check.

She thought of all he'd told her earlier. About how hard it had been for him to stand by and watch her breakdown. How it had been the worse thing he'd experienced to helplessly stand by and watch Jordan's pain today. Then to see the locket and watch Brenda's reaction, not knowing where it would take them. He must have been so frightened of what would happen. And he'd done it all with love and patience and strength. God, how she loved him.

"No, I don't. His nana gave him the locket with a picture of his mother....who happens to look just like me. It would be a natural assumption....for anyone."

Jax swallowed hard as his hand other hand came to rest on hers. "Do you blame me?"

Brenda reached up and took his face in her hands. "Oh, no, honey. I don't. If you think about it, I did the same thing the first time I saw Jordan with Miranda. Because he looked so much like you, I just automatically assumed he was yours. I *do* wish that you had told me about the necklace though. And I wish you'd told me about what you were thinking. It would have made everything so much easier today."

"But Brenda, I didn't know about the necklace. Not until you showed it to me."

Brenda looked confused. "Then why did you think I was Jordan's mom?"

"Because of something Lila said to me earlier today. And because of what I saw with my own eyes. What I've been seeing all along, but failed to really notice." Jax picked up the picture he'd been looking at earlier. "And because of this." He handed it to her.

"I don't understand. It's just the picture you took of us a couple of days ago." She sighed as she tried to hand it back to him. "Jax, what exactly are you talking about?"

Jax pushed the picture back into her hand. "Look at it, Brenda. Look beyond the me you see in him. Look at your eyes. Look at your smiles."

Brenda stared at the picture, a look of recognition springing into her eyes. "Wow. I see what you mean. We're exactly the same."

"And it's not just that. It's your expressions. Do you know how I know he's nervous?" Jax asked, relieved that Brenda was beginning to understand his confusion. Brenda shook her head no. "Because he bites his lower lip the way you do. And his laugh. You both laugh the same way. You have the same spirit and strength. The same vulverability."

"I've been feeling this all along, Brenda, I just never knew what it was that I was seeing until Lila pointed out how much you two look alike. That's when it hit me. I think I loved him so much and so instantly because he reminds me so much of you."

"But that's when I slipped. See, I couldn't see anything beyond you being his mum. And all I could think about was that you must have had him as a young girl and given him away. And that you'd kept that a secret from me....it hurt, Brenda. Like I haven't hurt in such a long time. And I got scared. That's when you came up to me. That's what was going on in my head. Do you understand now? My doubt only lasted a second, but it was enough to hurt you. And that was the last thing I ever wanted to do."

"It's just..." Jax began.

"It's just that everything has been so confusing for us lately." Brenda finished for him. "We're not sure who's lying to who about what anymore. Or even what the real truth is. Jax, I understand that. We have plans for this and plans for that. Telling half-truths and all lies. All to protect our love and that little boy upstairs. Am I right?"

Jax nodded, grateful that without even having to explain, she really did understand.

"Jax, in a situation like that, it can be easy to slip up and doubt one another or even ourselves. I've done it. And I'll probably do it again. It was just your turn, that's all." she teased with a smile. Then she became serious again, wanting him to understand they were ok....and would continue to be if they just had faith in each other enough to forgive and try again.

"Honey, as long as we remember that all the lies and tricks and plans lie outside that door, we're going to get through this. We just have to rely on our promise to always try again." She tilted his face to make sure he was looking in her eyes. "Do you believe me?"

"More than you'll ever know." he answered, he voice husky with emotion. He reached up and took her face in his hands. "I love you."

She smiled a smile tha lit her eyes with all of the love she felt inside. "And I love you. That's why we're going to make it through this, you know."

"I know." The confidence was quickly returning to his voice. "Our love is the only thing that's gotten me this far. And I believe in it enough to carry us all the rest of the way." He leaned forward and kissed her, relief flooding him with the knowledge that they were now back on the same track. Back in perfect sinc.

"Are we ok now?" Brenda asked as they pulled apart.

"Better than." Jax responded.

"Then we'd better get back to Jordan. I told him I'd only be gone a few minutes. It's been a lot longer than that."

Jax nodded. "Ok. He needs to get ready for bed anyway." He glanced at his watch, then grinned suddenly as an idea struck him. "Hey, what do you say to us getting him tucked into bed....then maybe we could discuss the best way I can make up for today."

Brenda smiled at him suggestively. "Oh, baby, for what I have in mind, there won't be any need for discussion."

"Oh, really?" Jax asked with a raised eyebrow. "Then what in heck are we waiting for?" He swept a giggling Brenda up in his arms and headed up the stairs. ~~~~~~~~~~~

"Jax's happiness is *all* I've ever wanted, Jerry. And that's exactly what he'll have once he realizes how much he loves me."

Jerry leaned forward, his eyes boring holes into Miranda. His voice was low and deadly. "No, Randi. He already has happiness. With Brenda. And apparently, he's found it with Jordan as well. I'm here to make sure it stays that way. I want you uphold your end of the bargain we made after the explosion."

"You remember that one? The one where you would stay out of his life for good? Never making contact with him again? And in return, I wouldn't tell him all I knew about his precious Miranda. We both agreed that it was better he thought you were dead than to know you are a murderer...and so much more."

"Now, I wasn't here to stop you from ruining what happiness he had begun to find with Brenda the last time, but I'm here now. And I'm certainly *not* going to repeat the same mistake twice. Now, here's the deal. You go to see him tomorrow. You make up some excuse, I don't care what it is, but you give him that little boy or whatever he wants and you walk away. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. For once in your life, you are going to keep your word."

Miranda's eyes began to well up with tears. "Jerry, how can you be so cruel? You want me to give up my Jordan? He's my son, Jerry! We love each other. And Jax loves Jordan. Jordan would never allow me to walk out of his life. It would devastate him. It would devastate us all to be separated like that. And you don't know Jax if you think he will let me walk out either." she added stubbornly.

"I really don't care what kind of devastation you suffer. As for Jordan and Jax, I'm sure they'll manage."

Seeing that tears weren't going to work, Miranda decided to switch tactics. "You know, Jerry, you're not the only one who knows secrets they can tell. If you try to force me out of their lives, I'll have no choice but to tell *everything* I know about you."

Jerry's grin was menacing. "You're no match for me. So, don't even try it. Since knowing you, I've learned a few skills. Many of which can damage a person for life...and it would never be traced back to me."

Miranda squared her shoulders. She'd been threatened before. And she refused to let him get to her. "There's absolutely nothing you could do to me that would be worse than the life I've been living the past year. Being separated from Jax is like living in hell."

He got up and stepped closer to her. "Well, then you would feel very much at home, wouldn't you? Leave by the end of the week or suffer the consequences. The choice is up to you."

She was still sitting there, straight as a board, her face an expressionless mask. She refused to give away just how frightened she was of his threats. Jerry leaned down close to her and whispered in her ear. "Sweet dreams, Bella."

He couldn't see her face, but her sharp intake of breath was enough for him to know he'd hit his mark. Without a second look, he turned around and walked out the door. Had he turned back, he would have seen her visibly shaken by his words. ~~~~~~~~~~

Jax and Brenda had taken up their positions, one on each side of Jordan. He'd already brushed his teeth and taken his vitamins and changed into his pajamas. They were getting ready to kiss him good night when he interrupted them with a request.

"Could you sing me to sleep? Nana always used to sing to me if I was a little scared."

Jax looked concerned. "Are you still afraid? Do you need us to stay a while longer with you?"

Jordan shook his head. "No. I just need a song. Please." his big brown eyes were begging them and Brenda found she just couldn't resist.

"Alright. Well, there was this one song my mother sang to me all the time. She told me that she made it up especially for me. Do you want to hear it?"

"Uh-huh." Jordan said with a smile.

"Ok. Let's see if I can remember the words now. It's been so long ago." Brenda smiled back at him and began singing the song she'd remembered from so long ago.

Jax sat there watching the two of them. Jordan had closed his eyes, a sweet smile curving his lips as Brenda stroked his hair. This picture before him had to be the very definition of perfection.

Near the end, Brenda stumbled over some of the words and just simply began to hum, when suddenly, Jordan opened his eyes and looked up at her, a smile lighting his face. He started singing the words for her.

The surprise that registered on her face was unmistakable, but she made it through the end without stopping. She was afraid of alarming Jordan in any way. As they ended the song together, Brenda swallowed hard as she asked Jordan, "Sweetie, where did you learn the words to that song?"

"Nana. She would sing me to sleep with it every night." ~~~~~~~~~~

Miranda stood on the pier looking over the Port Charles harbor. She desperately searched for the boat that was scheduled to pick her up. As soon as she spotted it, she climbed in and gave the orders to go.

The young man led her into the room, indicating that she needed to wait. She glanced around anxiously. It had been so long and she wasn't sure that she have taken the risk, but more than anything she needed advice and support right now.

She heard a noise as a door opened and the owner of they yacht entered. "Isabella, my darling!" Her arms were outstreatched as Miranda ran to her for a hug.

"Aunt Helena! You have no idea how glad I am to see you!"

to be continued.....