A New Beginning ~ Part Two
by: Karen
Jax broke every speed record known to man as he covered the distance between Port Charles and Brenda's hotel in New York City. His heart beat an erratic rhythm as he nervously drummed his fingers on the steering wheel at a stoplight. He wanted so much to believe that Brenda's revelation would be a turnaround for them, yet he was afraid to hope too much.
He thought back to the day Brenda and Sonny had been rescued from the catacombs.
He had known, the moment their eyes met and she threw herself into his arms.
He had realized then what had transpired between Brenda and Sonny in the
midst of darkness and despair. Rather than being a shock, it was almost a
relief, though it was even more of a relief when Brenda had finally admitted
the truth to him a few days later. Jax felt as though he had been waiting
for the other shoe to drop in his relationship with Brenda for months. Now
it had, and he could deal with it. And so could Brenda. Almost from the moment
she told him of her drug addicition, he realized, even before she did, that
her recovery would involve kicking the Sonny habit as well as the drugs.
Minutes later, he was standing in the corridor outside Brenda's room. He
took a deep breath and knocked.
When Brenda opened the door, they stood there and stared at each other for
several seconds. "Hi," she finally managed.
"Hi yourself," Jax replied.
"So how have you been?" Brenda asked as she took his jacket and hung it on
the back of a chair.
"Was there a lot of traffic? Would you like something to drink?""
"As well as can be expected, not really, and no thank you," he answered her
questions. "Brenda, you sounded so anxious for me to come, now that am I
here why are we acting like polite strangers?"
Brenda laughed nervously. "I so much want everything to go right from now
on, I guess I'm just a little scared."
Jax leaned over and took his hands in hers. "Brenda, you should know by now
that you never have to be scared with me."
"I know. It's just never been this important before." She stared into his
eyes for several moments, and a peaceful expression came over her face. She
took a deep breath and released his hands.
"As I told you, the patterns of behavior I learned with my father had become
a way of life for me. I didn't know any other way to act, and I probably
never would have learned, since I always chose guys who would reinforce that
behavior. But you see, I didn't choose you, Jax, you chose me."
Jax struggled to keep his expression shuttered, not wanting to jump to
conclusions before Brenda had finished.
"You were like something bright and magical. I couldn't believe you were
for real. You amazed me and confused me. I reached the point where I couldn't
stand the thought of losing you, and yet I kept thinking I would wake up
some day and realize I had been dreaming all along."
Jax leaned forward, urgency thickening his voice. "Brenda, you can't lose
me. I'm here, and my love for you is as sure as the sun."
Brenda blinked back tears. "Would you believe that I'm finally, just now
beginning to realize that? I mean to know it, here in my heart? You see,
you were what I'd always wanted, my whole life, but I never dared to dream
you really existed. You accepted me and loved me just the way I was. But
more than that, your love was so amazing that it inspired me to become better.
I wanted so much to believe in you, I think that's why I married you. You
gave me so much freedom that I'd never had before. And yet, I almost drowned
in it."
Jax frowned. "What do you mean?
"I wasn't used to all that freedom, and sometimes it was a lot harder to
learn to be the real me instead of the me someone else wanted me to be. That
was the reason I drifted to Sonny."
"You're saying that you were with Sonny because he kept you in a neat little
box and told you who to be, and the only time he ever paid attention to you
was when you tried to get out of the box, in which case he slammed you back
in? Brenda, that's...." he stopped just in time.
"You can go ahead and say it, Jax. That's insane. Not to mention dysfunctional.
I've finally come to realize that in my sessions with Dr. Waters. And there
was one other reason why I regressed to Sonny."
"What was that?"
"Jax, you were the prince in every fairytale I'd ever read or dreamed of.
But I was the Ugly Duckling."
Jax opened his mouth to protest, but she held her hand up. "I told you my
father called me Tubbo' when I was growing up. Julia was always the pretty
one, the smart one. The reason that I ended up with someone like Sonny is
because he's the only kind of guy I ever thought I was good enough for. So
when you said you loved me and wanted me, there was this little voice in
my head that whispered, "Some day he's going to wake up and realize who you
really are, and then he will be gone so fast, you will see nothing but dust."
Jax rose. His voice shook with mixed anguish and anger at her father and
Sonny who had done this to her.
"Brenda, I know who you are. You are caring and sensitive, and brave and courageous. You are beautiful and sexy, and I love everything about you."
She stood in front of him, placed her hands on his chest, and regarded him
solemnly. "I know."
He blinked. "You know?"
She laughed, and the sound was rich and throaty. "That's what I was trying
to tell you about my session yesterday. After all the pieces fit together,
I realized that the Ugly Duckling had become a Swan. So, my handsome prince,
if you'll still have me, this fairytale princess is ready to get started
on our "happily ever after."
Jax felt as though his heart would burst with relief and joy. He picked her up and swung her around. "If I'll still have you?? Oh Brenda!" He sat down and pulled her onto his lap. One hand caressed the curve of her cheek as he began, "Once upon a time..."