The Final Test

by:Sydney

Thanks again for all the great feedback. Hope everyone has a great Easter weekend! Hope you enjoy! :)

~Chapter 5~

Jax had been driving aimlessly through the streets of Port Charles ever since leaving Brenda's place. He wasn't really sure where he had been or where he was going. He just knew that he didn't want to go back to the penthouse yet....too many memories...too much lonliness. And he wouldn't go back to Brenda's without being able to look her in the eyes with no fear...with no doubts about their love.

Since he wasn't one for drowning his sorrows in a glass of beer, his only option had been to drive. He had to think things through. He had to decide what to do.

But thinking was the last thing he was able to do. All he could do was feel. Feel the pain he'd buried so deep. Feel the love for Brenda that he'd been denying for so long, but at the same time, knew he couldn't stop. Feel the hope that loving and being loved can bring. Feel the anger toward Sonny for being the love of her life and the reason they'd never be together.

Finally, he switched the radio on. Maybe if he concentrated on something else....

He heard the dj's voice announcing a new song. "Well, tonight we have a brand new song from Eddie Mane and the Idol Rich called 'The Power to Believe'. Jax turned the volume up and relaxed in his seat.

"There's a face here in the mirror. One I hardly recognize. The fire's burning low. Behind these tired eyes. Do you believe a love can heal a broken dream? And faith can move a mountain till it melts into the sea?

There's just one thing I want. Just one thing I need. You to stand beside me... And the power to believe."

{Wow! He had to hand it to Nedly. He certainly had a way of writing a song to fit what a person's feeling. He was so tired of the pain. So tired of fighting his feelings for Brenda. And most of all tired of the fear and doubts that plagued him wherever he went. He wanted so much to believe. If he could just find the strength one more time....}

"Time moves in the shadows. A clock with missing hands. And your silence says more to me, than words ever can. Is there a heaven waiting on the other side? Or do we find heaven just by looking here in side?

There's just one thing I want. There's just one thing I need. You to stand beside me.... And the power to believe."

Jax thought about the way Brenda had let him go tonight. He knew that it had been hard for her to do. He could see in her eyes how much it had hurt. But she'd done it anyway...simply because he asked. Simply because he needed her to.

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe her love for him was stronger than he thought. She certainly had been persistant and patient. And patience was *definitely* not one of Brenda's strong points. He thought over the last few months. Brenda had definitely changed. She was no longer the needy little girl he first met. He had watched her blossomed into the beautiful, confident, mature woman he always knew she could be. Maybe he was wrong not to give her another chance. Maybe this time it would work. Maybe he really did have the power to believe in their love again.

Then again, Sonny was back in town...just like he'd always known he would be. And he always seemed to have this power over Brenda. Sonny was a master at manipulating any situation to his advantage to make himself look like the victim...which always garnered Brenda's sympathy and support. And no matter how hard she tried to stay away, she'd always end up right back where she started....with Sonny, complete with misery and pain. Just the thought of them together again turned his stomach.

No. He couldn't watch the games and manipulations any more. There was no way he was going to sit back and watch her fall again. His heart wouldn't be able to take it this time. Brenda had been right...the Jax of old would have packed his bags and hit the road. And *that* Jax was the one he wanted in control. The best thing for him to do was to leave Port Charles and not look back.

His decision had been made. Jax turned the car around and headed back to the penthouse. He'd pack his bags and leave tonight.

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Brenda didn't remember coming to the garden. But it made perfect sense that she was here. She'd spent much of her time here over the past month....first with Jax. Then, when she most needed to feel him close to her again.

When she had moved into the cottage she had jokingly mentioned planting a garden in back. She hadn't realized just how that joke would turn into reality...and how important that place would become to her.

She had the combination solarium and garden built as a surprise for Jax. After being reassured that Jax would indeed live after the shooting and having made the decision to take care of him in her home, Brenda set to work on a plan.

She started by calling Thao and cashing in on a marker. When she and Jax were in Atlantic City, Thao, following Winnie's lead, bet the use of his horticulturalist and any materials Brenda might need to create her dream garden against 1 date with her. He said that's all it would take for her to forget Jax forever and run away with him. With her luck that night, she figured she couldn't lose, so she agreed....and won. It also helped that Jax was a little resistant to the idea of her spending any time with Thao...or more accurately, away from him.

The workers worked on the garden practically night and day while Jax was recupperating in the hospital so they could get it done in time for his discharge. She had been so excited about showing it to him that day. And Jax had been appropriately surprised and delighted....and touched. Because it wasn't just any garden. It was the exact replica of a garden they had seen when they went to New Orleans.

While they had been waiting for their room at the hotel, they decided to take in some of the sights. They didn't make it very far because right behind the hotel they found this secluded, beautiful, perfect place full of flowers and bushes and just the right amount of nooks and alcoves for young lovers. They found a swing that was hidden away behind a rose archway and sat there for a while looking at the stars, holding each other close, and dreaming of their future together. Those moments had been so perfect, so real, that Brenda just knew that no one had ever been so in love...had ever been so happy before.

She had wanted to re-create that perfection for Jax. And it had worked. Jax loved Brenda's garden so much that he spent most of his time there reading, relaxing, working. And Brenda, wanting to be near Jax, spent as much time there as he did. Those were some of the best times they had together. They laughed. They joked and teased. They were silent together. They talked about nothing and everything together....everything except the past, that is.

The only part of the garden that Jax never approached was the swing behind the rose archway. She remembered the day that she caught him standing in the arch looking at the swing...remembering. His eyes had been so full of pain...

"That was such an incredible night. It was like a dream. We were so happy, I never wanted it to end." Brenda whispered as she walked up beside him.

Jax looked at her sideways. "Yes. It *was* like a dream. The problem with dreams is...there always comes a time when you have to wake up to reality."

"Oh, Jax. Please don't tell me you really believe that." She moved to stand in front of him. "Your dreams are the most beautiful I've ever known. It would kill me to know you'd stopped believing in them."

Jax shook his head. "Not all dreams, Brenda. Just the ones that can never come true." Then he glanced back at the swing, turned around and walked away. She'd never seen him go near it again.

Brenda wiped the tears from her eyes. Letting Jax go tonight had been one of the hardest things she had ever done, but she knew it had been the right thing...for Jax. There was so much damage to repair. So much work to be done. If he could just believe in her one more time, she would make sure he would never doubt again.

The silence was getting to her, so she flipped on the CD player. The first song to play was "Believe My Love" from Eddie Maine. She'd heard it thousands of times before, but tonight the words really sunk in for the first time. Maybe because it was exactly what she would say to Jax if he were here.

"I know you lost your faith in me. I know that nothing seems as it should be. But if you can believe, believe my love.

Can I make it up to you? Can I convince you that my heart is true? My love will pull us through. Believe my love.

Believe my love. Believe my love. I know that we can make it, if we can only rise above. Believe my love. Believe my love. You're all I'm thinking of. Believe my love.

All of my secrets have been told. I've opened up this scared and lonely soul. My heart is your to hold. Believe my love."

Brenda sat up straight and wiped away her tears with determination. What was she doing? Here she was acting as if all was lost and there was nothing else that she could do when she knew darn well there *was* something she could do. She had let Jax go, but that didn't mean she was had to give up. In fact, she wasn't going to give up.

Jax would find his way back to her. He just had to. The possibility that he wouldn't wasn't even an option for her right now. Maybe he just needed a little help. Maybe she could provide him with the road map back home and in the meantime clear any obstacles out of his path. She began to formulate a plan. Yes. It was definitely something that she had to do. And she had to do it tonight. But she had to get prepared.

She rushed upstairs to change clothes. More than anything she needed to feel Jax's presence right now. She grabbed a pair of jeans and the blue-green sweater that she'd 'stolen' from Jax. She loved wearing that sweater because it matched his eyes perfectly and always made her feel warm and secure...just like Jax did. Then she grabbed the amulet Jax gave her in Malibu and put the chain around her neck. Now she was ready. No matter what happened from this point on...there was no turning back.

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Jax finally had his bags packed. He could send for the rest of his things when he figured out where he was going. But for now, he had everything he needed.....everything except Brenda.

{Stop it, Jax. You are leaving for a reason. And that reason's name is Sonny. Because of him, Brenda will never be truly yours. It's best to leave now before there's any more damage done.}

All he had to do was wait for his pilot to call and say the plane was ready and Port Charles would just be another place on the map where he'd spent some time once.

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Brenda entered the PC Hotel and walked up to the desk.

"Hi, Pete. Can you do me a huge favor?"

Pete smiled. He'd seen Brenda Barrett many times and each time he thought she was more beautiful than the time before. Mr. Jacks was plain crazy for not taking her back. "Of course, Ms. Barrett. What can I do for you?"

Brenda slid a package across the desk. "I need you to deliver this to Mr. Jacks. Now make sure that you give it directly to him. Don't leave it outside the door or give it to anyone else. This is very important. It has to go from your hands to his. Can you do that for me?"

"Of course, Ms. Barrett. I'll do it right now."

"Thanks, Pete. I'll owe you a big one." Brenda turned away from the counter, pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number.

"Mac. It's Brenda. I'm glad you're home. Listen, there's something I need to do...and I'm going to need your help to do it. Can I come over in a few minutes. Great. I'll explain everything when I get there. Bye." She hung up and dialed another number.

When the voice on the other end answered she spoke into the mouthpiece, "It's Brenda. Meet me on the docks in 1 hour. It will be the only time I ask, so if I were you I'd take advantage of it." She flipped the phone shut and walked out the door.

to be continued......