The Final Test

Hey everyone!

This is my version of Sonny's return. Hope you enjoy it! :)

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In the beginning he had told her no matter what she said or did, he wouldn't fall again. He had been determined. He wouldn't make the same mistakes twice. He would never hurt that way again. But no matter how hard he tried, everyday he lost a little more control. Inch by inch, he could feel his heart slipping away every time he looked into her eyes. And the worst thing was---she knew it. That was the one thing he had never been able to hide from her...his love. Just as surely as he was breathing, she knew she had his heart.

Jax's mind drifted back over the events of the past several months. It all started that night Brenda threw him for a loop when she asked him to marry her again. Then came the wining and the dining. The oysters and the jets. The gambling and the winning. The loving, gentle way she nursed him back to health after the disaster at the docks renovation ceremony. And here he was again, on his way to her little cottage for the latest scheme she'd cooked up to win him back.

Jax shook his head and chuckled...half at her antics and half at himself. Yes. She definitely had his heart. Jax sighed. But did she have his trust? THAT was the big question weighing on Jax's mind the past several months. Could he trust her? Could he be sure of her? He had once. But that seemed like ages ago....before she left. Before she went back to Sonny. Before she was willing to walk down the aisle and pledge her heart, life and love to another man.

Suddenly, a realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He wondered why he hadn't figured it out sooner. Today would have been Sonny and Brenda's 6th month anniversary. All day, something hadn't seemed quite right. For some reason, he had felt a bit off. He hadn't been able to keep his mind on business..it kept drifting to Brenda and Sonny. It seemed everywhere he turned, everywhere he looked he saw *them* together. He felt her leaving him all over again. Maybe that was it. Maybe subconsciously, he remembered this was the day he would have lost her forever and that's why all of his doubts were starting to come back to him. Because, he didn't lose her. But that wasn't her choice. Her choice had been to walk away forever without so much as a final good-bye.

Jax pulled into Brenda's driveway contemplating whether he should even go in. He kept hearing a thousand little voices of doubt ringing in his ears. He certainly didn't want to hurt Brenda, but with the way he was feeling, he just wasn't sure he was up to another evening of her professions of love...no matter how true they may be. On the other hand, she had probably gone through a lot of trouble to plan this evening. If he didn't show up after promising he would, that would hurt her just as much. Jax took a deep breath. <You've hidden the pain before, Jax. You can do it again. Just for a few hours. Then you can go home and deal with whatever comes. You know you'd do just about anything...just to see her smile.> Jax shook his head again and got out of the car.

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Brenda had been running late all day. First she had been late getting to the dry cleaners to pick up her Genie costume for the photo shoot. Then when she got there, it took them 20 minutes to locate it. She was furious. After all, she reasoned, how hard could it be to find one genie costume? Because of that she got to the shoot late. Then the photo shoot lasted a little longer than expected. Tom had been having problems with the film that he was using and they had to take a whole roll over.

Brenda was impatient, anxious and brimming with excitment all at the same time. Tonight was going to be perfect. She had everything planned. She had dinner catered in...with Jax's favorite champagne and oysters. The CD was set to come on with the perfect song for them. She had decided that tonight was going to be the night that she laid it all on the line with Jax.

Things between them had been progressing slowly. When she first proposed to Jax, he turned her down flat, along with asking her to never kiss him again. But he did it in such a gentle loving way that she knew if she was just persistant and patient, they could and would be together again....where they belonged. She knew she had hurt him deeply when she left to go back to Sonny. It wasn't that Jax didn't love her anymore. Because he did. She saw it in his eyes every time she looked into them. But she knew the thing that she had destroyed was the thing that was most precious to her....the thing that was uniquely theirs....his trust. And she knew that before he could fully give his heart to her again, he would need to trust her again.

And in that area they had been making great strides. Not at first. Actually, she had to hand it to him. At first, he stayed true to his word or put up a good front. It really looked like he wasn't subject to her charms anymore. But she stuck with it and he slowly started to come around. He started to have fun again. And laugh again. And that was one of the most blessed sounds she had ever heard.

Then came the day at the docks when he was shot. Her world all of a sudden came to a screaching halt. When she thought that she had lost him, she felt her heart stop beating and she just knew that if he died, she would truly die too. Maybe not physically, but her life would never feel alive again. Kneeling on the ground beside him, holding desperately onto his hand, he had struggled with every breath just to beg her not to leave. And she once again made that promise to him that they had made to each other in what seemed like another lifetime...."I'm not going anywhere, honey. Don't you remember...Nobody leaves." From that moment on, she barely left his side. Only when the doctors took him into surgery. "Relief" didn't even begin to explain how she felt when she found out he would be alright. She had spent most of her waking hours with him at the hospital. In fact, the nurses joked that she was such a huge factor in his recovery that if she ever needed work, they would give her references. And when it was time for him to come home, he came home with her to the cottage. She wasn't going to "let some stranger take care of her Jax." she declared and under her care, he recovered in rapid time.

And his body hadn't been the only thing to heal. So had his heart. She knew she was no where close to healing all of the pain, but they had made a good start. If fact, she would go as far as to say it was more than just a good start. They had become closer than ever before and at times she felt Jax was on the verge of giving and in and risking his heart on their love once more. But, something always held him back. Something he couldn't or wouldn't name, but it was there between them. And there was nothing she could do but be patient till he was ready and not give up. She knew she could never give up on him now. At least she knew they were on the right road. And tonight she wanted to take another huge step on that road. When she first met Jax, she had been afraid of trusting and loving. And he showed her how by opening wide his heart and letting her see inside. Now, because of her, Jax was the one who was afraid. Afraid to love. Afraid to trust. And now, it was her turn to show him how by doing what he did for her....opening her heart wide and showing that she no longer has anything to hide. And she had found the perfect way to do it. She picked up her bag and keys and headed out the door...to meet the love of her life.

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Jax hesitated at the bottom steps of the cottage. <That's strange. None of the lights are on.> He had this sudden sense of danger....that something was out of place. But he couldn't tell just what. He shook his head and laughed at himself. <Ever since the shooting you've been paranoid. Time to get over it. The biggest danger you are sure to meet in there is a pair of dark brown eyes!>

When he got to the door he noticed a note on the door addressed to him. It was from Robin.

"Jax, Brenda is running just a few minutes late. She said she wouldn't be more than 15 minutes behind you. She said to go ahead and let yourself in. There is champagne chilling and the food is set out, so help yourself. Oh, and she asked if you could light the fire in the fireplace for her. Have fun!"

"Well, that explains that." Jax let himself into the cottage and flipped a table lamp on. It was kinda chilly in there. He walked over to the fireplace, knelt down and began to build a roaring fire. Once it had been lit, he straightened back up and as he did the picture of Brenda on the mantle caught his eye. He picked it up lovingly and stared down at her beautiful face, captured by those eyes.

"She is beautiful. Isn't she?"

Suddenly, Jax's head snapped up in surprise and anger at the voice that interrupted his thoughts. If ever he needed to remain calm...it was now. He slowly replaced the picture and turned. He face as emotionless as a stone.

"Corinthos."

to be continued.....

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From: "Sydney Logan" <sydney88@hotmail.com>

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Subject: The Final Test (PLEASE READ THIS FIRST)

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Date: Mon, 23 Mar 1998 04:52:34 PST