Click of a Mouse-8&9

The Click of a Mouse - Chapter 8

Brenda searched her entire closet for something suitable to wear to join Jax and his cousin Andrew at the restaurant. She had to look her best to surprise Jax. Once she finally picked a dress, a brilliant red dress that was one of Jax’s favorites, she dug through her shoes for the perfect pair, holding each pair to the dress to make sure they would match just the way she needed to. Once her shoe selection was done she went for accessories, she searched every where for the perfect one’s. She choose her pearl choker along with a pearl bracelet, both given to her by Jax. Her hair took just as long, she finally settled for a French twist. She carefully checked her hair and make up before leaving, to make sure they were perfect, grabbed her purse and left for what she thought would be a wonderful dinner with Jax. She never could have guessed how wrong she was.

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Jax sat at the table waiting for his cousin to come. He knew it would be about five more minutes before his cousin showed since Andrew always seemed to be ten minutes late for everything. With five minutes before his dinner would begin, Jax decided to call Brenda and see how she was doing. He took out his cell phone and dialed both the Penthouse and the cottage but didn’t get an answer at either. He stared at the door, imaging Brenda walking in and joining him at his table after a long hug. Then he remembered that it was his cousin he was waiting for not Brenda, he wouldn’t see her until later that night. He tried to call her again but still couldn’t get an answer.

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Outside the restaurant, Andrew hugged Rene and thanked her for coming. He reminded her that this whole plan was for Jax’s own good and that she needed to get in there once he signaled her, which should be in about three minutes. It was 7:42 and Jax said Brenda usually arrived around five minutes early which was perfect since Jax knew that he generally arrived ten minutes late. Andrew left Rene with a quick reminder.

A: “Don’t forget to get him to sit with his back to the door, we want her to see him, but we don’t want him to see her.”
R: “I know, don’t worry. Everything will go as planned.”

With that Rene walked towards the restaurant to wait for Andrew’s signal.

Andrew had no idea that when Rene said everything would go as planed, she meant according to her plan, not his. Before Andrew even told Jax he would be in town he called up Rene and asked her if she could make it to Port Charles, then he explained his plan.
Andrew’s plan was to get Brenda to come to the restaurant and see Jax having dinner with a gorgeous woman. He figured that Brenda would think that Jax lied to her and canceled her dinner so he could go out on a date. The fact that it was Jax’s birthday would make seeing that even more hurtful to Brenda. His desired result was that Brenda would be so hurt and feel so betrayed by Jax’s actions that she would end her relationship with him permanently and never give him a chance to explain. Andrew thought that was the one thing Jax needed to be able to move on with his life and stop caring about Brenda.
Rene adapted her plan to go along with Andrew’s. She would let Brenda see her with Jax, but she would also appear to be flirting with him and make it very obvious that Jax loves her (even if it was as a cousin and not the way he loves Brenda, but Brenda would have no way of knowing that). Rene figured that it would not only make Brenda mad, but it would hurt her enough that she would confront him, right there in the restaurant. That’s what Rene wanted. She wanted to be there to watch Brenda’s reactions and to see for herself if Brenda loved Jax or not.
If she was convinced that Brenda truly loved Jax and that Jax would be better off with Brenda, she would explain everything to Brenda, after Brenda admitted her feelings for Jax, which would hopefully get Jax to admit his feelings and reconcile with Brenda. However if Rene didn’t think Brenda really loved Jax or if Jax didn’t want to be with Brenda anymore, at least Brenda would get angry enough to admit whatever she was feeling and Jax and Brenda could dissolve their relationship from there. Whatever happened that night, Rene wanted Jax to be able to move on with his life, be it with or without Brenda, and she wanted him to stop telling her about Brenda so much. That was what she was sick of hearing, about Brenda. She really had no clue what was going on in Jax’s life anymore because all he ever talked about was Brenda even though he claimed not to be in love with her anymore.

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The plan started out just how Rene and Andrew wanted it, once Andrew saw Brenda he signaled to Rene who had about a minute to get in there. Jax was very happy and very surprised to see Rene, he got up and gave her a short hug then went to sit back down. Rene quickly informed him that Andrew was sorry that he couldn’t make it but he sent her in his place. Before Jax could sit, Rene asked him if she could switch seats with him, she said a guy kept glaring at her and she didn’t want to watch that the whole time they were there. Jax offered to talk to the guy but Rene asked him not to, she said it wasn’t a big deal and it could be easily solved by switching seats. Jax agreed to switch seat, in fact he had just turned around to sit down in his new seat when Brenda walked in. Rene immediately moved close to Jax and gave him another hug, this time she made sure the hug was nice and long so that Brenda would be sure to witness it. Once Rene saw Brenda’s eyes focused on her and Jax, she stepped closer into the hug and kissed Jax on the cheek. Jax kissed her back, on the cheek, and then sat down.
Rene reached over and took Jax’s hand as soon as he sat down. She spoke extra loud to assure that Brenda could hear everything she said.

R: “I’ve missed you so much Jax, you look better then ever.”
J: “Thanks, you don't look so bad either. I’ve missed you.”

Rene checked to make sure Brenda was still watching, which she was, now from the table with Andrew. Rene looked at Jax and pouted.

R: “Just not so bad?”
J: “You look gorgeous as always Rene. I’ve missed you.”

Brenda fumed more then before when she heard Jax tell this Rene person, who he canceled his dinner with her to spend dinner with, that he missed her, two times in the span of a few minutes.

R: “That’s your fault.”
J: “What do you mean my fault?”
R: “You were so busy with that ex-wife of yours that you didn’t have time for me.”
J: “That’s not true.”
R: “It is, but I forgive you.”

Rene stood, walked over to Jax and hugged him again.

R: “You feel so good”
J: “So do you. Why is it that we haven’t seen each other in so long?”
R: “Because you didn’t want to make your ex-wife jealous but now that she’s out of your life,”

Jax almost laughed at Rene. Rene always thought highly of herself but to think she could make Brenda jealous, that was impossible, or so he thought. Little did he know, Brenda was sitting at her table, with his cousin who canceled on him, more jealous then she had ever been in her life and devastated that Jax would tell someone that she was no longer in his life. Jax went to protest Rene’s statement but she stopped him.

J: “I don’t think”
R: “I know, you don’t think she would have understood how close we are and that you’ve loved me all my life.”

Jax knew it was useless to argue with his cousin so he just smiled and let it slide by.

J: “I do love you!”
R: “I know. And you always will, just like I will always love you.”

Brenda tried to hide her anger but Andrew could see that Rene was definitely getting to Brenda, though he thought Rene was also pushing it a bit too far.

A: “Is there something wrong?”

Brenda tried to smile politely as she thought, “how dare he tell her that he loves her.”

B: “Oh no, I just think it’s a bit hot in here, don’t you?”
A: “No, not at all.”
B: “Oh. I guess we should figure out what we want to order.”

Brenda picked up her menu and pretended to look at it, even though her eyes were still glued to Jax and that woman he was with.

R: “I can’t get over how good you look.”

Rene took Jax’s hand again.

R: “You know my parents would love to see you again.”
J: “John and Lady Jane miss you too.”

Brenda’s mind went in over blow when she heard that. “So they know each other’s families,” she thought. Each minute, no each second of this conversation was getting Brenda more and more furious and hurting her deeply.

R: “It’s so good to see you Jax.”

It was when Jax got up and walked across the table to Rene that Brenda decided she couldn’t take it any longer. She started getting up as Jax spoke to Rene.

J: “Let me look at you for a minute. It’s so hard to believe you’re here.”

Once Jax pulled Rene into a hug, Brenda let the tears she was holding back flow out freely. She tried to jet out of there but she dropped her purse and all of it’s contents on the floor causing a loud crashing sound. Almost everyone in the restaurant turned to look at her, including Jax! Jax tried to run to her and help her. Once he saw the tears he tried to get there even quicker so he could explain to her, and comfort her, but she was quicker then him. She flew out the door and disappeared before Jax could see where she went. He called out to her but it was useless, she was far gone.
Jax started to apologize to Rene, but then he saw Andrew and the look between both Rene and Andrew; He knew it was a setup. He looked at them with disgust.

J: “I don’t know why you decided to do this but I can assure you that if you were trying to push me away, it worked. I don’t ever want to see either of you again. Worst of all you picked my birthday to hurt me. Right now I hate you with everything inside of me.”
R: “Jax, you don’t understand”
J: “You’re right, I don’t and I’m not going to stay here and let you explain either. I’m going after her.”
A: “I’m sorry Jax, I thought”
J: “I don’t think you were thinking at all. You know she means everything to me, how could you do this to me, and to her? Don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.”
R: “Jax please don’t leave like this, I didn’t know”
J: “WHAT DIDN’T YOU KNOW?”

Tears flew from Jax’s eyes as he continued.

J: “You know how much she means to me, what else is there to know?”
A: “I just thought it would help you move on with your life. Please don’t blame Rene, she didn’t know. I asked her to come.”
J: “I can’t deal with this right now.”

Jax turned to walk away but Rene followed, telling Jax how sorry she was and that she didn’t want any of it to happen. She wanted to counteract Andrew’s plan (which wasn’t exactly true but she was desperate not to lose her favorite cousin). Jax finally agreed to let her come along for the ride but only because she wouldn’t close the door and he had to get to Brenda as soon as possible.

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Jax knew exactly where Brenda would be, at her cottage, unfortunately for him an unexpected snow storm began, forcing him to drive slower then he wanted to. Rene tried to apologize the whole way over, but Jax ignored her. The only time he spoke to her was to tell her to stay in the car when they were at Brenda’s. As they were driving there, he realized that it might be good to have Rene there because if Brenda didn’t believe that she was his cousin, he could have Rene confirm it.
Jax’s heart cried out in pain as he pulled into Brenda’s driveway. The only thing on his mind was getting to Brenda and making her feel better. Unfortunately for Jax, all Brenda wanted to do was stay away from Jax. She locked herself in her cottage minutes before Jax arrived, and locked the top bolt as soon as she heard him pull up. Of all people, he was the one she DIDN’T want to see.
When Brenda heard Jax’s first knocks, she froze. She stood there, staring at the door. His calls to her only infuriated her more. Each time he yelled out her name, the pain in her heart got stronger and stronger. After a few minutes she screamed for him to go away but he refused.
After about an hour, Jax went to his car, took out his lap top, handed Rene the keys to the car and his penthouse and told her to leave him there. Rene tried to protest and tell him that it was ridiculous to sit out in the freezing snow, but Jax refused to listen, he told her that if they ever had a chance of being anything more then enemies, she had to get out of there and leave him to work things out with Brenda. He assured her that Brenda wouldn’t let him freeze to death, he was sure of it. Even if he hadn’t been sure of it, he had a key to Brenda’s back door that would let him in if it got too cold. Rene finally agreed to leave, she screamed out one more, “I’m sorry Jax” and headed to his penthouse.
Jax sat out side for over forty-five more minutes, pleading with Brenda to let him in so he could explain. She yelled back that she didn’t need him to explain and wanted to be alone. Brenda finally decided to open the door after she opened a window in the back of the house just to see how bad it was outside. Once she had to close the window within a second because it was so cold out there, she went to the front door and let Jax in but she refused to look at or talk to Jax. From the brief side view Jax got of Brenda, he could see that her eyes were glazed over and extremely cold. He pleaded with her to let him explain but she sat on the couch, covering her ears, like a little girl who thought if she didn’t hear the bad news it would magically disappear.
Jax finally gave in and sat quietly on the couch for over an hour while Brenda paced, he decided to let her come to him on this one since she was the one who ran away from him. Brenda stole a few glances at Jax, each glance softened her heart a bit as she noticed that his tears increased as he sat there clutching his arms around himself as if he was either trying to warm himself or trying to pull something closer to him. Finally, after watching him suffer, Brenda left and returned with blankets which she handed to him.
Jax knew that he had to get to Brenda so he decided to be just as stubborn as she was. He sat there shivering, refusing to take the blankets from Brenda’s hand until finally got angry enough to yell at him.

B: “Jax this is ridiculous! You’re going to freeze.”
J: “Brenda, let me explain, please!”

Brenda’s voice dropped from a screeching yell to a quiet, almost whisper.

B: “There’s nothing to explain except for why you thought you needed to lie to me.”
J: “I didn’t lie to you Brenda.”

Jax noticed the tears flowing from Brenda’s eyes as if her eyes were rivers and a levy broke leading them to over flow.

B: “Just tell me one thing Jax, just this one thing. Were you in love with her the entire time we were together?”

Brenda’s accusation made Jax lose any sense of sympathy for her. He couldn’t believe that she would accuse him of what ever it was she was accusing him of. He was no longer concerned with clearing up the situation, he was furious with Brenda, and he let her know it.

J: “I can’t believe you Brenda, you cheated on me, and now you’re accusing me of, I don’t even know what you’re accusing me of.”
B: “SO you did love her the whole time. The whole time when you pretended to love me you really loved her, didn’t you? How could you lie to me like that Jax? How could you do that to me?”
J: “How could I do that to YOU, TO YOU Brenda. How dare you ask me that. You left me and then you had the nerve to ask me to come to your wedding a few months after you walked out on me, so that I could make YOU feel better, and now you want to know how I could do something to you. You are truly something else Brenda.”

Jax’s line about Brenda being something else hit her hard, right in the gut. She heard Jax say that to her so many times before, but always with love in his voice. This time his voice was angry and as cold as an icicle.

B: “I don’t hear you denying that you love her.”
J: “I won’t deny that I love her, I do love her. Brenda do you even know who she is?”
B: “Yeah, her name’s Rene.”
J: “That’s right Brenda she’s Rene.”

Brenda could tell that Jax expected her to recognize the name but all she knew about her was that Jax canceled his dinner with her so that he could be with Rene, and now when Jax mentioned Rene’s name it was plain to see that he loved her very much.

B: ”Why did you do it Jax? It’s not like I haven’t seen you date before. Why did you think you had to lie to me about it?”
J: “I told you, I didn’t lie to you.”
B: “Then why did Andrew call me and”
J: “Because Andrew has a twisted mind. Are you ready to let me explain now?”

Brenda noticed that Jax’s voice returned to a gentler sound as he tried once again to get her to understand what ever happened that night, which she was sure was Jax went out on a date and tried to hide it from her. Brenda looked away from Jax, not wanting to see the truth in his eyes as he told her what she assumed would be that he was in love with this Rene person and had been the entire time he was with her, but didn’t know how to tell her.

B: “Go ahead.”
J: “I need you to look at me first.”
B: “Why?”
J: “I want you to see that I’m telling you the truth.”

Brenda finally looked into Jax’s eyes which almost melted her heart,, when she saw that he was just as torn apart by this as she was.

J: “Andrew was supposed to meet me at the restaurant but he never showed, he sent Rene in his place, apparently it was some sick plan of Andrew’s. For some reason he wanted you to see me with her, though I can’t imagine why. He said that he wanted me to move on with my life, he claims that Rene didn’t know what his plan was but I could see in her eyes that she did.”
B: “He wanted me to see her with you and push you out of my life, didn’t he?”
J: “Yes. Please don’t let his plan work Brenda. We’re stronger then that.”
B: “Who is she?”
J: “Brenda I’ve told you about her at least a dozen times. Her real name’s Renee, she’s my cousin.”
B: “Your cousin?”
J: “Yes, she used to be my favorite cousin, I must have told you about her, we used to call her Nae Nae.”
B: “You never mentioned her real name. She’s the one who used to pretend to be your girlfriend to chase away girls that you didn’t like & now she’ doing the same with me.”
J: “No Brenda. This is nothing like that. I asked her to do that for me then, I would never ask or want her to do that to you.”
B: “But it is a good way to get me out of your life. You know I always thought you would be better off if you left town as soon as the charges were dropped, actually you probably would have been much better off if you left after the skiing trip.”
J: “How can you say that to me? I don’t want to lose you Brenda, I can’t lose my best friend.”
B: “I’m sorry I doubted you Jax. I was so hurt at the thought of you lying to me that I didn’t bother to give you a chance to explain, not that you should have to explain anything to me.”

Jax finally notices everything Brenda set up for his birthday.

J: “Is all this for me?”
B: “I wanted to surprise you for your birthday. I guess leaving you outside in the snow wasn’t a very good way. Will you let me try and make it up to you?”

Jax shakes his head yes.

J: “Do I have any shirts or clothes left here?”
B: “You don’t have anything with you?”
J: “I sent Rene to the penthouse with my car. All I have is my laptop.”
B: “I’ll go look. Until then please wrap the blankets around you.”
J: “I don’t want to get them all wet.”

Brenda goes upstairs then returns a few minutes later with a bath robe.

B: “I forgot to give this back to you after I burrowed it.”

Jax looks at his white robe, his favorite white robe.

J: “I thought I lost this.”
B: “No, I had it the whole time. Why don’t you go upstairs and take a hot shower and put on the dry robe, I’ll start a fire.”
J: “Okay. Oh Brenda, I’m really sorry for yelling at you tonight.”
B: “It’s okay. I know I hurt you Jax. I wish I could take back all the hurt I caused you but I know I can’t.”

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B: “You look warmer.”
J: “I am, everything on me was soaked through to my skin.”
B: “I’m so sorry Jax.”
J: “No more apologies for tonight, okay? As far as I’m concerned, everything’s forgiven.”

Once the words came out of Jax’s mouth he realized that he really did mean everything. Somehow just by venting his anger at Brenda about her leaving him, and inviting him to the wedding made him release the grudge he was carrying about that whole time period. Jax felt like he was freer then he had been in years. He also was able to see things a lot clearer, including his love for Brenda. During his shower he realized that it never really mattered if he thought he could trust Brenda with his heart again because he never took it back from her. Like it or not, she had his heart and he had no plans of taking it back.

B: “Okay, lets celebrate! How should we begin? Oysters, cake, ice cream?”

Once Brenda looked in to Jax’s eyes she didn’t really have to finish her question.

B: “Oysters!”

Jax shakes his head yes.

B: “They were delivered this afternoon, they’re in the refrigerator as we speak. Hold on for one minute and I’ll get them. “

Brenda returned within two minutes with champagne and oysters. She set them along with two plates, two glasses, and two forks on the table.

B: “While you’re eating I’ll go get your wet clothes and put them in the dryer. Oh, there’s a note there for you.”

Before Jax could protest, Brenda took off and got Jax’s wet clothes. She picked them up so quickly that she didn’t realize that Jax had really taken EVERYTHING off when he put the robe on. Brenda smiled as she looked at his boxers. She quickly decided to wash his clothes before drying them, that way Jax would be in the robe for a bit longer.
When Brenda returned to where Jax was, she discovered that he waited for her to join him.

B: “Why didn’t you eat anything?”
J: “I was waiting for you to come back. How did you get to Patty Maran’s?”
B: “I didn’t. I called him and John let me burrow one of the jets along with a pilot. I sent the pilot to pick it up, I never had to leave the penthouse to get them.”
J: “They look delicious.”
B: “Taste them.”

Brenda watched as Jax slowly put an oyster in his mouth, savoring every bite of it. She noticed that even with the fire he was still shivering so she went to the couch, got the blankets she took out for him earlier, then gave them to him to wrap around himself. Then Brenda sat down to enjoy a lovely oyster dinner with her best friend.
After dinner, they had cake. The ice cream they decided could wait until later since it was a bit too cold to eat it right then. Both of them loved each second of their time together.
After the cake, Brenda excused herself for a few minutes so she could dry Jax’s clothes for him. She hurried back as soon as she could so she could spend more time with Jax. Brenda returned to find Jax, sitting at his lap top, about to read something.

B: “Whatcha reading?”

Jax looks at Brenda and finally notices how beautiful she looks in her short red pajamas that she changed in to when she went to wash his clothes earlier. For a few seconds he’s thrown by her beauty.

B: “Jax, are you listening?”
J: “What?”
B: “What are you reading?”
J:: “Oh, Addie called and said one of my business associates called her yelling because I didn’t answer his e-mail. I told her that I never saw it but she told me that she saved it for me a few weeks ago when I asked her to so I could read them on the plane ride home. I just finished reading that one, but I found something that’s not labeled, I was just about to check and see what it was.”
B: “Oh.”

Brenda never even thought it could be her e-mail, she thought that was lost forever, but as it turns out, she was wrong.

Jax clicked the mouse on the untitled 1 file and was surprised to see a letter from Brenda pop up, the one he thought he had lost forever.

J: “Brenda, it’s that e-mail you wrote me, the one I thought I lost!”
B: “It is, are you sure?”
J: “Yes, it has the same date and starts out with the same sentence.”

Brenda immediately thought, “Oh God, please let the power go out and ruin the disk.” But that’s not what she said, she tried to hide her nervousness as she looked at Jax.

B: “Will you put it away now, please?”
J: “Why?”

Brenda had to think fast or else Jax would find out the secrets that the letter revealed. She tried to think quickly but her mind drew a blank. She would just have to wing it, she decided, She took a deep breath, and tried to answer Jax without letting him know the real reason why she didn’t want him to read it.

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Will Brenda’s excuse overrule Jax’s curiosity? Will she convince him not to read it or jut to postpone reading it? How much longer can Jax keep his feelings for Brenda in? You’ll have to read the next chapter to find out & send me feedback.

The Click of a Mouse - Chapter 9

B: “Why? Why do I want you to put it away?”

Brenda started off with an old stalling tactic she learned while in school, if you don’t have the answer, repeat the question in as many different ways you can think of so you will have more time to think.

J: “That was my question, do you have an answer?”

Jax could tell that Brenda was stalling and wasn’t about to let her get out of this one.

B: “Because once you get on that computer, you stay on forever.”
J: “I promise just to read your e-mail and then get straight off.”

Brenda hoped that Jax would do simply as she asked without as much as a question but now she saw that he was going to reason with her about this one. He seemed determined to read the e-mail but she was sure that she was more determined for him not to read it, she would have bet her life on that fact. Which in a way she thought she was. If Jax did win out in their battle of determination, she was positive that he would not only not want to be with
her the way she wanted but he would also not want to be her friend any longer. If that happened, Brenda figured that she might as well not have a life because there wasn’t much left worth living for if Jax was no longer a part of her life.

J: “I won’t even log on, it’s all on a disk.”
B: “Then you’ll see another e-mail from someone else and you won’t be able to help yourself from answering it, I know how your mind works.”

Jax had to admit, at least to himself, that Brenda was probably right, he had been eyeing some of his other business e-mails that were also saved on the disk and unanswered.

B: “Besides, why read my e-mail when you can talk to me instead?”

Brenda smiled as she finished her sentence, she knew she had a good point, the best point she could possibly think of, but even if Jax fell for it, what would happened when she went up to take her shower? After she let Jax in she turned on the heater and later started a fire which made her sweat horribly as it warmed up Jax, so it was worth it to her. She needed a shower since her night clothes were already sticking to her. What she had to do was
hope for a power outage, which didn’t seem that unlikely given the snow storm, or that Jax would forget about the e-mail all together which didn’t seem at all likely.

J: “I would rather talk to you then look at a computer screen. I’ll just read it later.”

Brenda won the battle temporarily but she knew there was still one waiting not too far away. She tried to block the battle out of her mind and concentrate on the presant, which was Jax’s birthday celebration. There was only about ten more minutes left of his birthday, and she wanted to make every minute of that time special.

B: “How can we celebrate your birthday without a present?”

As Brenda reached for Jax’s present, he looked at her in awe. Not only because her brilliant red pajamas were sticking to her body causing him to see much more of her body shape then he had seem in a very long time, but also because she had already done so much for his birthday.

J: “You didn’t have to get me anything Brenda. You already gave me my presents, my party, the address book and planner, and this celebration, not to mention the very delicious cake.”

Jax didn’t mention the other one, the one he thought was the best, time with her.

B :”Are you going to complain or open it?”

Jax didn’t bother to answer, he ripped the lid off of the box and sat in awe of the gorgeous key chain.

J: “Brenda it’s so beautiful, thank you.”

Jax went to hug Brenda in appreciation but she stopped him.

B: “Open it.”

Jax slowly opened the locket and became radiant as he saw the picture of his love, of Brenda. It took him a full minute to notice that there was also a picture of Brooke in it.

J: “Thank you. My two favorite people.”

Jax shared a long hug with Brenda.

B: “You really like it?”
J: “I love it, I wouldn’t change a thing.”

The truth was that even though Jax loved his gift dearly there was one thing he would of liked to change. Instead of a picture of Brenda, he would have preferred a picture of himself and Brenda, preferably one of them kissing.

B: “How would you like to spend the last minutes of your birthday?”

Jax wanted to spend it kissing Brenda but he settled for the next best thing.

J: “Hugging you.”

Brenda didn’t hesitate to grant his request.

B: “Happy Birthday Jax!”

Their hug lasted for a full five minutes before Jax felt a certain part of his anatomy getting a bit too happy. He managed to pull back quick enough so that Brenda didn’t notice. Brenda did however need to cool down after being so close to Jax, and she was still wearing her sweat soaked clothes, so she decided to take a shower.

B: “I’m gonna go up and get a quick shower.”
J: “Okay, I’ll be down here.”

At that moment Brenda remembered the e-mail. She hesitated to question Jax but she couldn’t stand not knowing and risking losing everything that meant anything to her, him!

B: “What are you going to do?”
J: “I think I’ll try to rest.”
B: “That’s good.”
J: “Why?”
B: “You look a bit tired. I’m gonna go up now.”

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Once Brenda left for her shower, Jax tried to rest for awhile but he couldn’t get thoughts of Brenda out of his mind, especially not their hug or the way she looked in the sweat soaked night clothing. He picked his key ring off the table and looked at the picture of Brenda, his sweet Brenda.
He stared at the picture for at least seven minutes before he thought about the e-mail. He recalled that Brenda’s voice was worried when she asked him not to read the e-mail earlier, but still his curiosity was getting the best of him and he also recalled that she didn’t protest when he said he would read it later. After wrestling with rather or not to read the e-mail for another four or five minutes, Jax walked to his lap top, turned it on and
clicked on the e-mail.
He read the first line once again then it happened, what Brenda wished and hoped for earlier. The power went out! Jax wished that he brought more then the cord to hook his laptop into the wall, but he didn’t. Once again he was stopped from reading that e-mail which only peaked his curiosity further. He decided to try and rest again but he was interrupted, by a loud scream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Upstairs in the bathroom, Brenda had been shaving her legs when the power went out. The power outage spooked her a bit and her hand slipped, causing a large cut on her leg. Brenda tried to hold back the tears and the screams that were building up in her from the pain. She managed to hold back the screams but not the tears, that is until she went to complete her shower by washing off her legs with water and turning off the water. As the water hit
her cut, it hurt something awful, causing her to let out the screams that Jax heard. She had no idea that they were loud enough for Jax to hear, but he was up the stairs in the flash of a second.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jax stood outside the bathroom door with his heart dropping with each passing millisecond. He shouted to Brenda in a desperate need to know that she was okay.

J: “Brenda, are you okay?”

Brenda was so focused on her cut that she didn’t hear Jax at first.

J: “Brenda, what’s wrong?”

Brenda finally heard Jax. She tried to clear the tears from her throat.

B: “Jax, I’m okay. Go back downstairs, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
J: “You sure?”
B: “Yes. I hope I didn’t wake you.”
J: “I wasn’t sleeping.”
B: “I’ll see you downstairs.”
J: “Okay. Do you need me to leave a lantern or flashlight for you?”
B: “No. I’m fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jax sat nervously downstairs as he waited for Brenda. He heard her scream and knew that she said she was alright but deep down he knew that the only way he would believe it for himself was when he saw her walk in there, in perfect condition. It didn’t take long before Jax got almost everything he needed. He saw Brenda walk in, she looked pretty good but then he noticed the huge cut on her leg.

J: “You okay?”
B: “Yeah, my hand just slipped and I cut my leg with the razor. It’s not a big deal.”
J: “Did you um, did you put something on it?”
B: “I put hydrogen peroxide on it jut to be safe.”
J: “Do you want me to get you a bandage?”
B: “No, I’m fine really, besides a Band-Aid wouldn’t be big enough.”
J: “I could get you one those gouges things?”
B: “I really am okay. I’ll go check on your clothes for you.”
J: “In the dark?”
B: “I’ll be fine.”
J: “I’m coming with you.”
B: “Okay.”

Brenda didn’t walk more then two steps before Jax took her hand and lead her to her laundry room. It wasn’t that he thought he knew the way better, it was that he wanted to walk in front of her so that if there was anything to be bumped into or tripped on, it would be he who found out, not Brenda. Although Jax had very good intentions, Brenda still managed to trip on the entry way to the laundry room. She grabbed onto Jax from the back and
quickly steadied herself.

J: “You okay?”

Brenda laughed and then let what she was thinking to herself slip out.

B: “Yeah, I guess I just fell for you.”

Jax had to laugh at her cliché. Brenda laughed too but felt a bit hurt that Jax didn’t take it at least a bit seriously, she never realized that her voice had a joking sound to it when she said it. Once they got to the dryer, Jax rummaged for his boxers. Once he found them he turned away from Brenda for a moment and slipped them on under his robe. Brenda meanwhile reached into the dryer and took out his shirt. With the heater going off and her
in an equally as short silk pajama set as she had on before her shower the only difference being that she now wore black rather then red, she was feeling the cold set in. Jax couldn’t see much as he looked towards Brenda, but he could see her sparkling eyes and radiant smile, he knew she wanted something and with the look she was giving him, he knew she could have it without question.

B: “Do you mind if I burrow this?”

Jax couldn’t quite see what was in Brenda’s hand, but given what she was drying for him, he figured it was his shirt.

J: “Sure, let me help you.”

Jax took the shirt from Brenda and helped her slip it on. He then took her hand and led her back to the living room which was lit up by a still burning fire. It wasn’t until Brenda sat down on the couch with the fire light making her glow, that Jax noticed how truly bad her cut was.

J: “Stay here for a moment, I’ll be right back.”
B: “Where are you going?”

Jax didn’t bother to answer Brenda, he ran up the stairs and came back a few moments later with first aid supplies.

J: “You sure you cleaned that out well?”

Brenda followed Jax’s eyes to the cut on her leg.

B: “Yeah, I tried applying pressure to it but it still hasn’t stopped bleeding.”
J: “Let me try.”

Brenda laughed at Jax’s thoughts that some how the pressure he applied to her cut would work better then the pressure she applied.

B: “Is this a guy thing?”
J: “Is what?”
B: “Thinking that you can fix everything, including my leg.”
J: “I happen to be trained as a lifeguard.”
B: “Oh, a lot of people must get cut in those pools and ocean waters.”

Jax laughed along with Brenda as he removed his hand and saw that his pressure was no more effective then hers. He took a gauge and placed it over Brenda’s cut, taping it with first aid medical tape.

J: “Is that better?”
B: “Yeah, where’d you get those?”
J: “I put them in your medicine cabinet the first night you were here. Didn’t you ever look in there?”
B: “Why would I, I thought it was empty.”
J: “It’s full.”

Brenda laughed at what she should have expected.

B: “Of course it’s full, just like my cupboards were.”

Jax looked up at Brenda just as she was getting ready to let him know that she appreciated his help.

B: “Thank you Jax.”

That’s when Brenda noticed just how incredible Jax looked in the light of the fire, even more incredible then usual. He looked like an angel desended from the heavens. At that moment all her worries about Jax went out the window, all she could see was the most gorgeous man she had ever seen in her life, and the love that she felt for him, all reflected back to her in his incredibly deep blue eyes, which almost appeared to love her eyes as much as
she loved his. Jax on the other hand wasn’t thinking about anything, he was lost in Brenda’s soft brown eyes, in which he could see his love for her flowing into her body, slowly but surely, all he could do was feel the incredible love he had for her. It no longer mattered to him if she returned the love for at that moment, the love he felt for her was enough to keep him happy until the end of time. Of course he would be even happier if the love
was reciprocated.
Brenda picked that moment to finally take a step in the right direction, in the direction of the one thing she wanted but thought she couldn’t have, Jax’s love back.

B: “Jax?”
J: “Yeah.”

Neither of them moved their eyes as they spoke, neither could bare to break that moment, that feeling of that moment that felt each of them so completely.

B: “Can I ask you something?”

Before Jax could answer, Brenda put her hand up to tell him to wait. He shook his head yes instead of answering then went back to looking in to her beautiful eyes that he could happily get lost in until eternity and then some.

B: “Before you answer there’s a few things I have to say about the question. It’s something I want to know, no need to know. I’ve wanted to ask you for a long time but never have. It’s very personal and I probably don’t have a right to ask you but I need you to be completely honest with me, no holding back. I promise that this is the last time I will bring the subject up if that’s what you want, but I really need to know.”

J: “What is it, you know I will tell you anything.”

For a brief moment while Brenda waited to respond, Jax began to wonder if this was about Miranda, if Brenda wanted to know about his life with Miranda. He hated thinking about that time, he hated thinking about her, after the way she treated Brenda he wouldn’t care if he never heard or thought her name again. His time with her was brief, and out of that brief time he had few memories left, it hurt to think about that time but if that’s what
Brenda wanted to know, if that’s what Brenda needed to hear about in order to let him back into her heart, even a little bit, then he would tell her everything. Anything for a chance to be with her again, even if it was only a very slight chance.

B: “How do you do it Jax? How did you stop being in love with me and stay my best friend.”

Brenda could see Jax shaking his head with a lone tear coming from his right eye.

B: “If you don’t want to answer you don’t have to but I really do want to know because I need to know how it do it.”
J: “Brenda.”
B: “Please don’t stop me Jax, because if you do I will never be able to look you in the eyes again like I’m doing now. I need to know how to be strong like you and let you out of my heart while still keeping you as my best friend.”

Tears began slowly cascading down Brenda’s face.

B: “I’ve tried everything Jax, if I hadn’t I wouldn’t ask you this. I know I’m probably hurting you, and I hate the thought of that almost more then anything but I have to know how to do it. Nothing I tried worked and I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I need to know how to deal with these feelings that are swimming around inside of me, refusing to leave. How do I keep you in my life without feeling this awful jealousy every time I see you
near another woman? How do I keep loving you with out being in love with you? Jax how did you do it, how did you keep loving me as a friend and stop loving me as a husband?”

By this time Jax’s eyes were sheding as many tears as Brenda’s were. He continued to shake his head no which he did through most of her questioning, that never allowed him to provide answers. The tears caught in his throat were heard loudly as he spoke.

J: “I don’t want you to let me out of your heart Brenda. I honestly can’t answer your question because I don’t know either. Brenda you never left my heart, I never let go of our love. It’s always been there, waiting for a chance to shine. I can’t teach you something that I don’t know.”
B: “You really love me after everything I put you through?”
J: “Brenda I would sooner stop breathing then stop loving you, and even that probably wouldn’t stop me.”
B: “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have came back to you in a second, no less then a second.”
J: “I didn’t know how you felt, And I didn’t know if I could trust you. And I denied it myself for awhile, but the love was always there.”

Brenda’s voice got quiet, almost shy.

B: “Can you trust me now?”
J: “I finally figured out that it doesn’t matter because you already have my heart, there’s nothing I can do about it now, but yeah, I think I can trust you. I know I can love you but I need to know if you want me to love you.”
B: “More then anything. I love you with all my heart Jax, and I want a chance to let you feel it. I don’t want to hide my love for you anymore, it’s too hard. You really love me?”
J: “Yes, more then anything or anyone in this world. I love you with everything inside of me and everything I am.”
B: “Mmm, I love you Jax, I LOVE YOU. It feels so good to be able to say that to you.”
J: “I know something else that could feel just as good, even better maybe.”
B: “What?”
J: “This.”

Jax moved up onto his knees and slowly brought his mouth to Brenda’s. Their kiss burned both of them with tremendous amounts of passion, and shot millions of doses of love throughout each of their bodies. The kiss continued for several minutes as Brenda initiated an exploration into Jax’s mouth which led to an equally as pleasurable exploration in her own mouth. Neither of them wanted to leave that moment that was filled with so much love, but
just like their prize winning kiss that brought them both to heaven, they had to return some time. Jax slowly traced Brenda’s lips with his tongue as they cooled down their kiss, Brenda returned the action by tracing Jax’s lips equally as deliciously, they shared one more soft kiss before parting.

B: “I’ve missed that so much.”
J: “So have I.”
B: ”Want to know what else I missed?”
J: “What?”
B: “The little things. Your hand on my leg, a hand on a shoulder, long looks into your eyes,”
J: “The feel of your breath on my back in the morning, the feel of you in my arms as we look out the window,”
B: “Your head in my lap, that spot on you lap or in the V of your leg just as you wrap your arms around me, the look in your eyes when you look into my soul,”
J: “Watching you breathe as you sleep peacefully,”
B: “You watched that?”
J: “Yeah, it was one of my favorite things to do.”
B: “I watched you too. I’ve missed so much about us.”
J: “So have I. I always thought I would miss making love to you the most, but that wasn’t what I missed the most.”
B: “What is?”
J: “Laying in bed with my arms around you, with you fitted to each of my curves. That’s what I missed the most, the feeling of peace and incredible love that comes with having you in my arms as we drift off to sleep. What did you miss the most?”
B: “Waking up with you, with my arms on you. That’s one of the many things that kept me awake most nights, that’s how I knew you had my heart forever.’
J: “How’s that?”
B: “Anytime I broke up with a guy before, and wanted him back I always thought about kissing him and making love to him. Not just every once in awhile when I thought about him, that was all I thought about him. I never thought about the little things, it was always the physical things that I dreamt about, and that was always the first thing I wanted when I reunited with him, it was really the only thing I wanted.”
J: “So you didn’t think about making love to me?”
B: “I did, I thought about that a lot, but I thought of other things just as much, if not more. It wasn’t all I wanted, it wasn’t even most of what I wanted, all I really wanted was you. I wanted you so much that I was willing to stay just your best friend if that was what was best for you.”
J: “It’s not, it’s never been.”
B: “I longed for other things just as much as physical contact with you. I longed to hear you tell me that you loved me, and to have heart to hearts with you. I wanted to see you sleep and watch you eat. I even had dreams where all I did was watch you sleep and I felt more love in those dreams then I ever felt before I met you. You see I didn’t just lust after you like I did all the other guys, I loved you, more then my own life. I think what I
actually wanted the most was to see you smile and laugh again, freely, and know that you were able to do that because of me and our love.”
J: “I dreamt about all those things too. I want to feel your heart beating next to mine again and feel your laugh against my lips as I tickle you.”
B: “We have time for all that, don’t we?”
J: “Yes my love, we have all the time in the world to be together.”
B: “Just you and me?”
J: “Yeah just you and me, until we decide to have children.”
B: “I want to have lots of children.”
J: “So do I.”
B: “But first we should enjoy our time together again.”
J: “Absolutely for a few years at least.”
B: “Exactly.”

Brenda leaned over and lightly kissed Jax, like it was the most natural thing in the world, and it was. Unlike any other reconciliation either of them ever had before, this one was different, easier. It was as if they were apart for a few days rather then as long as they were. The ease of being together was still there, one might wonder if it ever left, it probably didn’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subject: The Click of a Mouse - Chapter 9b
Date: 9/9/98 1:15 PM Central Daylight Time
From: PepeTDevil
Message-id: <1998090918151900.OAA12722@ladder01.news.aol.com>

A few hours after Jax and Brenda made up, they were still up talking. The electricity returned an hour earlier, but Jax and Brenda stayed in the dark, Brenda in Jax’s arms lying on the couch. Suddenly Jax remembered the e-mail.

J: “Brenda?”
B: “Yeah?”
J: “What was in that e-mail you didn’t want me to read?”
B: “How much I love you.”
J: “Really?”
B: “Yeah, I wrote it to you and didn’t have any intentions of sending it to you but that stupid mouse clicked, and in that one click it went to your mail box. I tried to get it back but I couldn’t.”
J: “Why would you want to do that?”
B: “Because I didn’t want to push you away and lose you.”
J: “You could never lose me Brenda. Can I read the e-mail now?”

Brenda couldn’t help but notice that Jax looked like an eager little boy on Christmas morning, waiting to open his presents.

B: “Only if you let me sit with you.”
J: “Of course, I wouldn’t dream of reading it any other way.”
J: “Brenda I have a confession to make.”
B: “What’s that?”
J: “I was going to read it when you were in the shower, but the power went out.”

Brenda leaned back and kissed Jax again.

B: “That’s okay the only reason I didn’t want you to read it was because I thought you would get as far away from me as you could. Now lets go read it.”

Jax didn’t hesitate to turn on his laptop and click on the e-mail. Jax waited a second before reading, just long enough to pull Brenda into his lap and wrap his arms around her. Jax kissed Brenda sweetly before looking at the screen. Brenda only let him look at the screen for less then a second before she stared into his eyes.

B: “You don't have to read it, I can recite it to you, word for word. Of course if you prefer to read it,”
J: “I would much rather hear your sweet voice.”
B: “Okay, here it goes. Jax,”

Jax stunned Brenda by reciting the first line.

J: “You’ve only been gone a few days and already I miss you like crazy. “
B: “How did you know that?”
J: “That’s as much as I read both times I tried to read it, I kept getting cut off after that, but I would love for you to tell me what I could never read for myself.”
B: “Okay, here I go. I hate being away from you for extended periods of time and I hate not being able to tell you how I feel about you, but I don’t want to burden you.”
J: “You could never burden me.”
B: “ So here I am writing, or should I say typing? I guess it doesn’t really matter since this will never in a million years get to you. So where was I? Oh yes, this letter, like all the others I write when I can’t sleep or miss you too much to do anything but sit and cry and wish you were here, will never get to you because I need to tell you how I feel. “
J: “You wrote more? Can I read them?”
B: “I wrote a lot more, every time you were gone, sometimes when you weren’t, I have them saved on a disk. I’ll give them to you if you want.”
J: “I would love to have them. You can go ahead and continue.”
B: “Only I can’t risk losing you in my life so I can only pretend you’re here and share my inner most thoughts with you in a letter, I’ll never give you.
I tried to sleep tonight, I tried for a couple of hours but all I could do was lie there and think of you. Like most of my other sleepless nights I laid there imagining you were next to me. At first it was innocent. You lying there, talking to me, but as always my mind wandered further, & further away. I envisioned you reaching over and tickling me, at first playful but then more. I closed my eyes tightly and I could almost feel you running
your hands along my body, awakening all the feelings I’ve tried so hard to push away. I closed my eyes tighter and could feel your lips brushing against mine. At first the sensation was barely there, but then it got stronger and stronger, I felt you connecting your mouth with mine and initiating a dance, salsa style and I’m not talking about the dip here. The single kiss turned into many more, until I could feel your loving lips burning my body
with desire as you kissed every part of my body, sometime lingering, sometime regressing, but making sure not to miss a single spot. I felt your desire against me. I imagined removing your clothing as you removed mine, and joining you in a heaven that was all our own.”
J: “I think we’re in our own heaven right now, don’t you?”

Brenda shook her head yes then continued reciting the letter.

B: “I tried to imagine moving my lips among your perfect body but I couldn’t. Even in my fantasies I know that I don’t deserve to have you love me as completely as I know you can, and have.”
J: “That’s not true, you do deserve my love.”
B: “I imagined us making love over & over again. Sweet and delicious as it always is, I guess that should be was.”
J: “It definitely is, IS.”

Brenda laughed lightly at Jax’s comment then continued once again.

B: “I tried to let sweet thoughts and fantasies of you carry me off to a wonderful dream world where we’re still man & wife & you still desire me, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to. So I came to your lap top, the only connection I have to you. I was going to write you an actual e-mail but I sent too many that day, so I decided to get my feelings out. After all that is what Gail told me I needed to do after my breakdown, stop holding every thing in.
I wish you were here with me. Talking, laughing, joking, teasing. I miss you. I hate these business trips of yours.”
J: “I hate them too but I wanted you so much, I thought we needed some distance so I went on as many as I could but I usually spent the majority of the time missing you.”
B: “The only thing I like about them is when you come back. That little bit of time when we see each other for the first time in a long time and we both let our guards down. I get so lost in those long hugs, I wonder if you do too.”
J: “I do Brenda, I do.”
B: “Hopefully you will get back late and rent a movie. We never do seem to make it through the entire movie, do we? I love sitting there next to you, taking in your every move as you watch the movie. I never remember what we watched. The best part of the whole night is when we fall asleep in each other’s arms. I love waking up the next morning with your arms around me. But then your defenses go back up, causing mine to as well and we lose that
physical contact. I sometime wonder if not touching is as hard for you as it is for me.”
J: “It was.”
B: “The absolute worst days are the ones when we should be celebrating. Our wedding anniversaries, and our other “Anniversaries” like the first time you said you love me, and the first time I knew I loved you. I wonder if they’re as painful for you as they are for me.”
J: “They are, that’s why I could never look you in the eye, if I did, all the tears I was holding back would have came pouring out and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to make those days anymore painful for you as they were for me.”
B: “I wish we could spend more then a few minutes together on those days but I feel you distancing yourself from me the most on those days. You avoid all eye contact with me and you won’t touch me, not even my arm. I wish you could ease my pain on those days but I know it’s my fault that we’re not together celebrating them. I wonder if you feel as lonely as I do on those days.”
J: “I did.”
B: “You must know that those days are difficult for me because you always give me time alone (which I usually spend crying until I have no tears left), then you call me late at night and talk me to sleep. Your phone calls are the only thing that gets me through those days.”
J: “They’re the only things that get me through too.”
B: “I feel considerably better now so I’ll try to go back to bed. I wish you would come with me, but I know that’s not possible, so I’ll wrap myself up in one of the shirts you left here & try to sleep. I miss you Jax and I love you.”
J: “I love you too.”
B: “I wish I could tell you how much. Love, Brenda.”

Jax hugged Brenda tightly as she ended the letter, then he looked at the computer screen and scanned through the letter noticing that Brenda did indeed know it, word for word.

J: “Wow, You actually memorized the whole letter!”
B: “I read it so many times when I though it was going to make me lose you.”
J: “That is so beautiful,”

Jax ran his hand through Brenda’s hair, then placed it on the side of her angelic face.

J: “Just like you. Do you mind if I keep it?”
B: “Go ahead.”
J: “Are you ready for bed?”
B: “If you don’t mind, I would love to stay up a bit longer. I want to feel your arms around me. Of course if you’re tired,”
J: “I’m never too tired for you. I would love to hold you in my arms for awhile longer. I’ve missed holding you.”
B: “I’ve missed it to.”
J: “What should we do?”
B: “Talk.”
J: “I’ve missed our long talks.”

Jax looked at Brenda and could have sworn she was an angel sent down from heaven, Brenda thought the same thing while looking at Jax.

B: “I love you Jasper Jacks.”
J: “I love you Brenda Barrett.”

Jacks opened his mouth to finish but stopped, so Brenda finished for him.

B: “Jacks.”

Jax’s face lit up.

J: “You know it would be easy to make you my wife again.”
B: “I would love to have you as my husband again.”
J: “So would I.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And so the chapter ends, but not the story. Soon Jax and Brenda will be thrown for a loop (Barbara you know what I’m talking about), it’s a sad loop but in time I think it will turn out to be a blessing and bring them closer together. But before that happens they get a few large doses of happiness.

So happy that we got Brenda's choice from the heart, Jax!
Darlene
J&B Angel/IRFC
GH Angel - Keeper of Jax's love for Brenda
J&B Reuniter