Circle of Love-17

by Kathleen

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for all the feedback on this story. Please continue to drop me a note. This chapter is dedicated to all the Angels I had the pleasure of meeting in Baltimore two weekends ago. It was a fantastic weekend. :-)

RATING: "PG"

The "NC-17" version of this chapter has been forwarded for distribution via the "NC-17" mailing list (HelenO92@aol.com). You can also contact me directly at kathsheeh@aol.com to receive a copy.

CHAPTER 17 -- TORTURED HEARTS

Saturday, August 4, 2001

The Jacks Residence -- 9:00am

The familiar dream had returned and Jax softly moaned as he fought to keep the visions in his head. He shifted against the pillows as the images faded away and consciousness overtook him. His eyes slowly opened as the sunshine of the summer day cast shadows across the bedroom. Jax sighed contently and a huge smile lit up his face as he looked down to see Brenda peacefully sleeping next to him. Her two hands were resting under her head as Brenda slept on her side, facing Jax. She was so beautiful that Jax heard his own breath catch when he saw her. They could both take advantage of the morning quiet since Jillian was still at Felicia's from the evening before. Tomorrow they would have both Jillian and Georgie to provide their morning entertainment.

Jax moved closer to her and then propped himself up on his elbow as he watched her steady breathing. Images of the previous night in the rooftop garden of the J & J Jacks building filtered through his mind. It had been a magical evening in the moonlight and Brenda had touched his heart once again with her devotion. She had loved him with every ounce of her heart and soul and Jax could still feel that love coursing through his veins. Brenda satisfied him in ways no other woman ever had, in ways no other woman ever could. She was such a part of him now, Jax did not know where he ended and she started.

Jax recalled how they had shared one more dance under the stars before leaving their private paradise just after midnight. When they had returned home, exhaustion had caught up with Brenda and Jax had helped her get undressed and then slip into her white stain nightshirt. Brenda had fallen asleep immediately and Jax had sat up and watched her sleep for over an hour before drifting off himself. He would never tire of seeing her blissfully sleep. There were times in those first few months after they had lost Jamie that Jax wondered if Brenda would ever know what peaceful sleep was again. They were still working to put those days behind them as Brenda's pregnancy and radiance blossomed.

He reached over and gently tucked a strand of Brenda's hair behind her ear. Her hair had lightened in the summer sun, just as Jillian's had. Jax's gaze moved to Brenda's swollen stomach and he allowed his thoughts to drift to the visions of the children growing inside her. Would they share the dark, delicate features of their mother or resemble him or share traits of both of them? He could not help but wonder if at least one of the twins would inherit Brenda's dark, soulful eyes. Those eyes that he could get lost in and never want to find his way out.

Jax took a deep breath at the memories of his first gaze into Brenda's pools of brown velvet. Her eyes had gleamed of sadness and Jax had been mesmerized from the first moment he saw them. Brenda was everything Jax had ever desired and all he had wanted to do was make all that sadness go away. The sadness in Brenda's eyes had gone away until that Christmas Eve when all their lives had changed forever. It had taken months after they had lost Jamie before sorrow was not the first thing Jax's gaze met when looking at Brenda's eyes. The loss was still tormenting Brenda at times and preventing her from hoping and dreaming about what life could be like for all of them come this winter.

The hopes came easier for Jax, especially this morning. He knew Brenda could not even begin to imagine what the twins would look like but Jax was convinced he had seen them in his dream. In the dream, the twins were home and safe and happy and Jax knew in his heart that the dream would become a reality. Jax smiled again as his hand caressed Brenda's abdomen. He had spoken to Jillian and Jamie almost from the moment he had known of their existence but Jax had refrained from doing the same with the twins to this point. It was purely a defensive maneuver dictated by the fear of losing them just as he had lost Jamie. But today was different. Fear was no longer at the forefront of Jax's emotions. His dreams had finally given him some perspective and, more importantly, a sense of peace.

He lovingly stroked Brenda's stomach as he whispered. "Good morning, my little ones. It's your Daddy."

Jax's smile grew wider as he heard the sound of his own voice and realized the significance of his actions. He whispered again. "Daddy loves you and so does your Mommy and so will your big sister. We're all waiting for you."

Jax sighed softly and then wrapped his arms around Brenda and pulled her closer to him so that her head was now resting against his shoulder. Brenda moaned in contentment as she nestled her head against the nape of Jax's neck. Jax brushed his lips against the top of her head and then laid his cheek on top of her soft curls. There was nowhere else in the entire world that he wanted to be at this particular moment. Like his father had said to him once about Brenda, she was the challenge and excitement Jax had craved.

A half hour later, Brenda stirred again and her eyes fluttered open. Jax's eyes sparkled as he saw her and his fingers stroked the soft skin of her cheek. "Good morning beautiful."

"Morning, my darling." Brenda tilted her head up and kissed Jax tenderly on the lips.

Jax's hand cradled the back of Brenda's head as he responded with a passionate kiss of his own. Brenda moaned softly when Jax finally released her lips. "Now it really is a good morning."

Jax flashed her a huge grin as he tightened his arms around her. "A very good morning indeed."

Brenda turned to look at the clock radio and saw that it almost 10:00am already. "It's so late, I am sure you have been awake for hours."

"Not that long." Jax kissed her on the forehead. "Besides, you needed your rest, especially after last night." He chuckled softly as he finished speaking.

Brenda lifted her eyebrow as she looked up at Jax. "I don't recall hearing any complaints last night."

"No, ma'am." A devilish grin appeared on Jax's face. "And if you ever do, please take me out to the pasture behind the barn and shoot me to put me out of my misery."

Brenda laughed softly as she wrapped her arms around Jax's neck. "I will remember that."

Jax edged closer to her and his abdomen brushed against Brenda's protruding stomach. His hand immediately moved to caress her expanding middle. "I swear the angels have grown since last night."

Brenda nodded. "I know."

Jax looked directly at Brenda as he spoke. "It won't be much longer before Jillian will start asking questions."

"I understand that we should tell her." Brenda closed her eyes as she exhaled softly. "But I just need a little more time."

Jax pulled Brenda into his embrace. "I know sweetie."

Brenda rested her head against Jax's shoulder. "We won't lie to her if she asks but I just want a few more weeks if we can manage it." Her voice trailed off as she spoke, "We've already had one scare..."

"We'll do what we can," Jax murmured as his fingers loving stroked her thick tresses. He then interjected some levity into the moment. "But you may have to talk to your companions about not making their presence so obvious."

Brenda's face immediately brightened. "I have but they don't seem to pay much attention. So for now, I will just have to hide getting in and out of the shower and getting dressed."

He chuckled and then motioned toward her growing bustline. "Good luck hiding the development of the dairy."

She feigned incredulity and shook her head. "This coming from the number one fan of the dairy."

Jax flashed her a cheshire grin as he shrugged. "Well, someone has to inspect the resources in advance."

"I see," Brenda spoke amidst her giggles, "And you have taken on those duties in the interest of the twins."

He winked at Brenda. "Yes, in the interest of the greater good, I will make the sacrifice."

"What a humanitarian," Brenda said as she threaded her fingers through the back of Jax's hair. "You deserve a medal."

Jax's hand stroked the bare skin of her forearm. "We will discuss that later, right now you must be starving."

Brenda grinned as she nodded. "Yes, I am famished."

"Okay," Jax said as he brought his hands together. "What will it be? Pancakes?" Brenda shook her head. "Waffles?" Again she shook her head. "Eggs, bacon?" Another shake of the head. "Bagels and cereal?" Brenda shook her head again. Jax gave her a confused look. "Yogurt and bananas?"

Brenda rolled her eyes and spoke. "No way."

Jax chuckled softly. "I had to ask." He then sighed. "You don't want some horrible concoction with chocolate and pickles and potatoes again, do you?"

Brenda shook her head for one last time as she sat up and pushed Jax against the pillows. "No, I don't want any of that." She then began nuzzling his neck and jawline. "This is what I want."

Jax gained control of his voice which was quite a task as the tip of Brenda's tongue rimmed his left ear. "I thought you were famished?"

"I am," Brenda murmured seductively as her lips caressed the side of Jax's face, "Just not for food."

Jax's eyes filled with desire. "I see the second trimester hormones have kicked in."

"Lucky you," Brenda muttered just before capturing Jax's lips in a scintillating kiss.

Jax moaned into Brenda's mouth. "Oh, yes. Lucky me."

Brenda released Jax's lips from their blistering kiss and sat up. She unfastened the buttons of her nightshirt and let it fall from her shoulders. Jax's gaze followed the satin material as it slid down Brenda's body. Brenda smiled at the blazing passion in his eyes and then edged closer to him.

She moved on top of him and Jax gasped out loud at the feel of her skin against his bare chest. Brenda took his face in her hands and passionately kissed him. Jax's breathing became heavier with the pleasure she was bestowing upon him. Once she had released his lips, Jax's mouth and hands caressed every inch of Brenda's soft skin and she whimpered in ecstacy.

Brenda regained her control and her mouth and tongue then left a trail of kisses down Jax's bare chest. Brenda's fingers and hands then began their own measures of sweet torture. Jax cried out as he shifted against the satin sheets. Brenda continued her blissful action as the passion within Jax flared. Jax's breathing was labored and he begged her to end her torture. In response, she placed a shower of feather light kisses on his skin and a primal groan was expelled from Jax's lips.

Finally Brenda's own threshold for control was gone and she shifted on top of him. With each arch of his back, Brenda moaned with pleasure. Their lovemaking was like a symphony, beginning slowly with a gradual build toward its final crescendo. Their bodies moved in perfect synchrony as each measure swelled in pulse and rhythm. Brenda murmured her love for him as his groans of ecstacy echoed in the bedroom as if in harmonic accompaniment. Her control was lost and Jax beckoned Brenda to let his love envelop her. When she surrendered to the desire, Brenda cried out Jax's name again and again. A moment later, Jax joined her in paradise as explosions of passion overtook both of them. Brenda's name passed from his lips as he caught his breath and the symphony reached its final notes.

A half hour later, Jax helped Brenda slip into her matching robe. He then lifted her chin and gently kissed her lips. "I love you and I am a very lucky man."

Brenda smiled brightly at him. "I love you and we're both lucky."

Jax rested his hand on her stomach. "We all are."

"I hope so," Brenda said as she looked up at Jax. "And right now, we are all starving." A smile appeared on her face. "For food."

He flashed Brenda a devilish grin as he put his arm around her and led her toward the door of the master suite. "Okay, yogurt and bananas it is."

"No way." Brenda shook her head. "I said starving not desperate."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." Jax sighed as they headed out the door. "What am I ever going to do with you?"

Brenda seductively whispered to him. "You'll think of something." She then gave him a warning look. "But after breakfast."

Jax laughed as he tightened his arm on Brenda's shoulder. She was exasperating and maddening and a daily challenge and there was nothing more he could have ever wanted.

The Barrett/Jacks Penthouse -- 3:00pm

Julia sat staring out the window of the study. The rain was pounding against the bay window and fog loomed over the Port Charles skyline below. It was a carbon copy of the weather in London that she had left several hours before and her mood mirrored the gloominess. As she sat, the silence was broken momentarily by the chiming of the grandfather clock in the hallway. It was now three o'clock and Julia had been home for over four hours and still had not seen Jerry.

The scene this morning at the airport continuously raced through Julia's mind. She had immediately recognized Teddi, having seen her photo in an old London newspaper that the public relations department for Barrett Industries had found from an embassy event a few years before. Jerry had told Julia that he and Teddi had been acquainted years earlier and that he would fill her in about the details when Julia returned home. He had not mentioned that Teddi had a child accompanying her on her trip to the States. Julia could not forget seeing the smile on Jerry's face as the young boy had spoken to him and the sound of their laughter still echoed in Julia's head as she continued to stare at the falling rain.

Julia's mind wandered again to this morning and how comfortable Jerry had looked in the scene with Teddi and Tron. Her anxiety overwhelmed her as Julia could not help but wonder where Jerry was at this moment. Her thoughts were then interrupted as she heard the clicking of the answering machine. She had not even heard the phone ring and had no inclination to talk to anyone so she allowed the machine to answer the call. A moment later, Julia heard a familiar little voice on the machine.

"Uncle Jerry, hi from me. I'm Jillian." The sound of giggles was heard. " Did you come home from ...." Jillian hesitated and then Julia heard Brenda's voice in the background and Jillian struggling to repeat Brenda's statement. "San Cisco? When can I see Aunt Julia? Georgie is coming soon. Mommy says I have to say bye now. Bye Uncle Jerry."

Julia rubbed her temples with her fingers as the message on the machine ended. She had missed Jillian and Brenda but part of her was now almost afraid of them and the emotions that they would cause her to feel. Julia had thought about Brenda and the news of the pregnancy so much while she had been in London. It had hurt so much to think about Jax and Brenda's joy and then Julia would feel disgust at herself for her covetous thoughts.

Julia took a deep breath and closed her eyes. A few moments later, she heard the familiar jingling of keys in the front door. Her eyes flew open and Julia felt her stomach do a series of flip-flops. Meanwhile Jerry walked into the penthouse and was immediately met with the scent of Julia's perfume. He dropped his overnight bag in the foyer and walked through the living room. He then saw this afternoon's mail sitting on the end table.

Jerry walked down the hallway and called out. "Julia?"

Julia exhaled slowly before responding. "Yes, I'm in here."

He followed Julia's voice into the study and took one step inside the room. "You're here."

"I'm here," Julia said as she turned her head to face Jerry.

Jerry took three steps into the study. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?"

Julia softly exhaled. "It was a last minute decision."

"Why did you change your mind?" Jerry sat down on the sofa next to Julia's chair. "I thought the Burlington deal was the priority of the day." Jerry instantly regretted saying it. "I'm sorry, that's not how I wanted to start off."

Julia's voice was slightly above a whisper. "I'm not so sure you really believe that."

Jerry let out an exaggerated sigh. "Julia, I know how strained things have been between us and my patience is not always my finest suit." He hesitated a moment before continuing. "I'm not sorry about wanting you here to deal with everything, but I'm sorry that I upset you so much yesterday."

Julia cleared her throat. "Yesterday is over, I don't think we need to rehash it now."

"You're right." Jerry massaged the back of his neck with his palm. "I just wish you would have told me you were coming home. I could have waited for you at the airport since I just came back from the coast this morning."

Visions of seeing Jerry at the airport with Teddi and Tron once again filtered through Julia's head. Had all three of them been in San Francisco together? Julia quickly erased that thought from her mind and her voice wavered as she spoke. "I wasn't sure what your schedule was so I thought it would be easier for you if I just came home on my own."

A somewhat bewildered look appeared on Jerry's face at the sound of Julia's unsteady tone. "Julia, why would you think that?" He shook his head slightly as he continued. "I would have waited. In fact, I..."

Julia looked up in curiosity at the sound of his hesitation. "In fact what?"

Jerry spoke in a matter of fact tone. "In fact, I ran into Teddi Kwan at the airport this morning."

"I guess the Port Charles airport was the place to be today."

Jerry tried to read Julia's expression but she averted his gaze. "I guess so." He decided it was time to fully broach the subject of Teddi. "She was coming back into town with her son."

"I did not realize that she had anyone travelling with her." Julia watched Jerry remain expressionless as she spoke.

"Her son, Tron, joined her a few days ago for a trip to Disney World before they return to Hong Kong," Jerry responded.

Julia nodded. "That must have been nice for them."

"I'm sure it was." Jerry continued. "Since we ran into each other at the airport, I took them back to the hotel before I headed into the office for a few hours."

"I'm sure they appreciated that." Julia glanced sideways out the window as the rain began to fall harder. "Does this mean that Teddi plans to return to Hong Kong soon?"

"Yes, tomorrow evening." Jerry took a deep breath. "Julia, there are some things that we need to talk about."

Julia sensed a lump forming in her throat for no apparent reason. There was just something in Jerry's voice that made her anxiety level increase threefold in the last minute. She turned to face Jerry. "Like what?"

"Events that happened a lifetime ago." Jerry expelled a heavy sigh. "There are some things you need to know."

She felt the knot in her stomach tighten. Her voice was barely audible. "What things?"

"Ancient history." Jerry stood up and walked over to the window. "Julia, I told you that Teddi and I had been acquainted years ago. We were more than just acquaintances."

Julia watched Jerry from the corner of her eye as he stood beside her. "How much more?"

He took a deep breath. "We were romantically involved."

Julia unconsciously tapped her fingernails against the leather of the chair arm as she spoke. "Involved as in seriously or in one of the trademark weekend trysts that Jerry Jacks was famous for?"

"Julia..." Jerry hated the fearful look he saw in her eyes but he had decided he had to be up front with Julia. Too many things were unspoken between them as it was. "It was serious for that time in my life."

"I see." Julia eyes closed briefly as she tried to control the raging paranoia building inside her. "When?"

Jerry took Julia's hand in his and sat on the arm of her chair. "Eight years ago.... A lifetime ago."

Julia looked up at him. "And now you both decided it was the perfect time to catch up again and work together?" The statement was uttered in a much more sarcastic tone than Julia had intended.

"Julia." Jerry's voice suddenly was raised an octave.

"I'm sorry, I did not mean for the question to sound like that." Julia slowly exhaled. "I just wondered how the world suddenly became so much smaller."

Jerry moistened his lips. "Charlie knew we were looking for a management team leader in the Asian quadrant and recommended her to Dad. I did not realize who she was until Teddi arrived in Port Charles ten days ago. I had no clue what her married name was or that she was living in Asia or that she was looking for management position."

"It really is a small world I guess." Julia sighed softly. "It will be a demanding position for her time and a considerable amount of time away from her family."

Jerry's voice lowered. "It is only her son now. He is a little older than Jillian. Her husband was killed a few years ago."

A sorrowful look appeared in Julia's eyes. "I'm sorry." She took a deep breath. "That is terrible for all of them."

Jerry nodded. "Yes, it is."

Julia suddenly felt very contrite about some of the thoughts which had crossed her mind. "If John and Charlie are sold on her, then I am sure she will be a great asset to J & J Jacks. Maybe I should try to call her before she leaves tomorrow."

Jerry cleared his throat. "Julia, there are problems in Hong Kong which is why she is leaving tomorrow." He hesitated for a moment before proceeding. "The plans were for me to go with her."

"Oh." Suddenly Julia's remorse about her thoughts disappeared again and wariness took over. "When did all of this happen?"

Jerry looked intently at Julia's face to gauge her reaction. "Late last night. The tariff issue has become a mine field."

Her tone was not exactly convincing. "If that's the case, then you have to go."

Jerry's voice now contained a caustic edge to it. "IF that's the case?"

Julia shook her head. "That is not what I meant."

"Really?" Jerry folded his arms against his chest. "Why am I not so sure about that?"

"It was a simple remark, not a debate issue."

Jerry sarcastically laughed. "Julia, there is no such thing as a simple remark from you these days."

She shook her head again. "Don't Jerry."

Jerry expelled a sigh of frustration. "Julia, what do you want me to do? How the hell am I ever supposed to know what you are feeling if you won't tell me?"

"Jerry, we all have jobs to do. If you need to be in Hong Kong, then you need to be in Hong Kong. Period."

"That's not an answer." Jerry stood up and started pacing. "I have made it a point to get everything out in the open and this is what it gets me? I have no idea what you want from me. Or if you even want anything from me."

"I'm sorry." Julia rested her forehead in the palm of her right hand. "This is not what I wanted to do."

Jerry's voice softened considerably. "It sure as hell is not what I wanted to do either." He walked back over to the chair and sat down again on the arm of the chair. "I know hearing about my past with Teddi was not what you wanted to come home to but I did not want anything to come between us so I needed to tell you now."

"I know and I apologize for sounding like I was putting you on the defensive." Julia shook her head. "I overreacted."

Jerry put his arm around Julia. "We have a lot to talk about but you look exhausted so it will have to wait." He then reached out with his other hand and touched Julia's face. "I want you to know how much I missed you."

Julia gave him a smile. "I missed you too."

He sighed deeply. "Maybe I can push back me trip to Hong Kong for a day or two and let Teddi start the defensive maneuvers."

Julia shook her head. "No, you need to go. The faster it is resolved, the better it will be."

Jerry nodded as he pulled Julia closer to him. "Right." He then spoke in an almost whisper. "Just promise me, we can really talk when I get back."

"I promise." Julia's voice was convincing but the look of trepidation in her eyes undermined that security. Her fears seemed to have multiplied since her return from London and the feeling, whether real or imagined, that Teddi Kwan was another obstacle that Julia would have to overcome.

Sunday, August 5, 2001

The Outback -- 2:30pm

Julia and Jerry walked through the front doors of the Outback to have a late lunch before Jerry left for Hong Kong in a few hours. Since their initial discussion last night, Jerry and Julia had decided to just spend the day together before thousands of miles separated them again. They both were tired of the arguments and disagreements and decided to spend the one day they had simply with each other. All the issues that needed to be resolved would be dealt with soon enough.

The hostess seated them at the table in the far corner of the restaurant. The restaurant was relatively quiet as many seemed to be outdoors taking advantage of the sunny summer Sunday after three straight days of rain in Port Charles. Julia and Jerry finished ordering lunch just as Jerry's cell phone rang.

Jerry pulled the phone from his pocket. "Jacks here."

"Chuck, what's the situation with the old gal?" Jerry listened for a moment and then nodded his head. "Thanks Chuck. Glad to hear it. I will see you at the airport at 6:30."

Jerry ended the call and put the phone back in his pocket. He then turned to Julia and spoke. "The mechanics replaced the pressure gauge and everything is set for the trip."

Julia took a sip of the iced tea the waitress had just brought to the table. "Good. Hopefully you won't have any problems like you did in San Francisco the other night."

As he had done since he first saw her yesterday, Jerry studied the expression on Julia's face. He still did not know exactly where she was these days but her eyes had convinced Jerry that it was somewhere far away. "Julia, I'll be back home as soon as I can."

"I know you will." Julia gave him a weak smile.

Jerry reached out and covered her hand with his own. "I love you." He stammered a bit as he continued. "I know I'm not versed in those wretched Shakespeare sonnets you and Jasper have such a fancy for but you do know what you mean to me, don't you?"

"Jerry..." Julia let out a ragged sigh as the breath caught in her throat. As usual these days, her emotions were running all over the place. "I do know that and I love you very much."

Jerry dramatically wiped the non-existent sweat from his brow. "Good because the only things close to sonnets I know are limericks that have only managed to get me a good slap across the face in the past."

Julia rolled her eyes. "I guess that met your thirty second quota of sentimentality for the month."

"No, no" He shook his head. "You are wrong, Lady Jacks."

"I'm wrong?" Julia tilted her head toward Jerry. "How am I wrong?"

Jerry flashed Julia a lopsided grin. "Since our anniversary is at the end of the month, this month's quota is sixty seconds." Jerry sighed loudly. "Two years and forgotten already."

Her voice was not much louder than a whisper. "I remember."

"Well, you have another whole thirty seconds to look forward to when you least expect it." Jerry could not help smiling at the fact that Julia's eyes had seemed to brighten in the past few minutes.

She spoke in a bantering tone. "Oooohhhh, aren't I lucky?"

Jerry lifted up his glass as if to toast her. "You bloody well are."

Julia could not stifle her laughter and the sound of it made Jerry grin even more. Smiles and laughter were rare commodities of late with Julia. She swatted Jerry's arm and then turned her head to see a set of familiar faces walking through the restaurant. Julia's laughter stopped at the sight of Teddi and Tron and the sound of a very recognizable voice calling out to her.

"Aunt Julia, I see you," Jillian waved as she spoke.

Julia somehow found her voice. "Jillian. Hello."

Jillian and Tron skipped ahead of Teddi and went straight to the table where Julia and Jerry sat. Jillian literally jumped into Julia's lap and hugged her before Julia had a chance to say another word. Tron immediately went to Jerry to say hello. Julia's eyes were glued to Teddi who was approaching them. She was even more beautiful than Julia had realized when she had seen Teddi at the airport the day before.

Jillian finally stopped hugging Julia. "Aunt Julia, I missed you lots."

"I missed you too Jillian."

Jillian beamed at Julia. "Me and Tron are getting ice cream with whipped cream." She then pointed to Tron. "See, that's Tron."

Teddi arrived at the table and Jerry decided to take charge of this unexpected meeting. He looked over at Teddi, "This is my wife, Julia." Jerry then turned to Julia. "And Julia, this is Tei Ling Kwan and her son Tron." He then motioned toward Jillian. "And you all know the munchkin."

Julia mustered up a smile as she turned to Teddi. "It is very nice to meet you." Her gaze moved to Tron. "And you too Tron."

"The pleasure is ours." Teddi returned her smile. "I am so glad we had the chance to meet before my trip this evening."

Julia nodded. "As am I." She then looked down at Jillian and then back at Teddi. "This is quite a surprise seeing Jillian here as well."

Jillian gave Julia a big grin. "Me and Tron played when Uncle Scott and Mrs. Kwan worked."

Teddi completed the story. "Scott and I met earlier this afternoon about the tariff legislation and Jax had made arrangements for Tron to go to the house to have lunch with Jillian so I am returning the favor and taking them for dessert."

Jillian touched Julia's cheek. "Then Tron has to go home real, real far away."

Tron tapped Jerry on the arm. "Mr. Jerry, I'm all ready to sit in the chair and see how the plane flies tonight."

Jerry smiled at Tron. "Good, Mr. Yeager is all ready for you too."

"It is going to be so grreeaat," Tron said as he clapped his hands together.

Teddi put her hand on Tron's shoulder. "Okay, it is time to get to our own table and say good-bye to Mr and Mrs. Jacks so that they can have some peace and quiet."

Now it was Jillian's turn to clap her hands together. "And we can have ice cream."

Tron echoed her sentiments. "With chocolate sauce."

Jerry shook his head. "You two must both be made only from sugar."

"Bye Aunt Julia, I'll wave to you." Jillian hugged Julia again before she climbed off Julia's lap.

Julia caressed Jillian's cheek. "Bye Jillian."

Jillian went to hug Jerry. "Bye Uncle Jerry. Come home fast."

Tron bowed to Julia. "Bye Mrs. Jacks."

"Bye Tron. Have a good time with the airplane."

Tron then bowed to Jerry. "Bye Mr. Jerry. Tonight we can fly."

"That we can Tron." Jerry chuckled. "Both you and Jillian, enjoy that ice cream."

Julia could readily see the easy rapport between Jerry and the young boy. She had witnessed it yesterday as well as Jerry and Tron were getting into the car at the airport. And Teddi just seemed to be a natural participant in it all.

Teddi extended her hand to Julia. "It was a pleasure. I know we will be speaking very soon."

Julia grasped Teddi's hand. "I am sure we will be. Welcome aboard and have a safe trip home."

With the intense gaze of Julia focused on them, Teddi turned to Jerry. "Good-bye Jerry. We will see you at 6:30 at the gate."

"Okay." Jerry nodded. "If anything changes, Chuck will reach you on the cell phone."

"Enjoy your lunch." Teddi grabbed both Jillian and Tron's hands as the waitress arrived with Jerry and Julia's food. "Good-bye."

Once the waitress had served the food and walked away from the table, Jerry looked directly at Julia as he spoke to her. "Julia, I'm sorry."

She expelled a soft sigh. "Why are you apologizing? We've met and I'm fine."

But she wasn't fine and Jerry knew it. He studied Julia's expression and eyes again and saw that the brightness in her eyes had disappeared as quickly as it had come in that few moments before Teddi, Tron and Jillian had appeared.

He lowered his voice to a loud whisper. "Julia..."

"Jerry, it's fine." Her voice had a definite edge to it. "Let's just eat."

"Julia, I don't want to get on a plane without discussing this."

Julia picked up her fork. "And I don't want to spend the next three hours before you do get on that plane debating something that does not need to be discussed." She took a deep breath. "Unless something has changed since we had this discussion yesterday."

An exasperated sigh fell from Jerry's lips. "Of course nothing has changed. I told you it was ancient history."

Julia sighed softly again. "Fine, then there is nothing to discuss and you have to be at the airport in less than three hours so let's just eat."

Jery shook his head slightly but decided that the last thing either of them needed was to get more agitated before being away from each other again. "Okay, we'll do it your way for now but it will be a different story when I come back."

Julia momentarily met his gaze but then lowered her eyes from his focus. She could hear the sound of Jillian and Tron's laughter from the table on the other side of the restaurant. As she struggled to force lunch into her knot-filled stomach, Julia already knew it was a different story. Teddi Kwan was real and even more beautiful and enchanting and dynamic than Julia had imagined. And sitting atop the pyramid of the virtues of Teddi Kwan was the adorable little boy sitting beside her. It gave Teddi the title of mother and that was the one crown Julia felt she could never compete with.

The Jacks Residence -- 9:30pm

Jax finished checking the morning stock exchange figures on the Asian markets and came up the stairs. He quietly stepped into Jillian's bedroom to check on her. It had been an activity filled weekend for her with Georgie's overnight visit yesterday and Jillian's afternoon with Tron today. Jillian was sound asleep with Roo-Roo safely tucked under the blanket beside her on one side and the new Minnie Mouse that Teddi and Tron had brought her back from Disney World on the other.

Jillian looked so sweet and so peaceful that Jax could not help himself from getting a closer look. He walked to the bed and knelt down beside her. As usual, the moon was shining through the windows in the back of the house and a radiant illumination surrounded her. Jax simply watched her for several minutes. He smiled as he shook his head in amazement at the fact that Jillian looked more like Brenda every day. It could have been Brenda sleeping there -- from the sound of her soft breathing, to the smile on her lips, to the long dark eyelashes that fluttered as she slept.

Jax lowered his head and placed a gentle kiss on Jillian's forehead. His fingers stroked a curl on the top of her head as he whispered to her. "Sweet dreams, my little princess." He took a deep breath and rose to his feet before taking one last look at his sleeping angel. The love Jax felt for her still astounded him and Jillian touched him in places he never knew had existed within him. It was like heaven on earth.

He walked down the hall and saw a dim light shining from the Angel room. The room had been dark when he had left Brenda in the master suite forty-five minutes earlier as she was about to call Julia and speak to her for only the second time since Julia had found out about the pregnancy. Brenda was not expecting it to be an easy phone call for either of them, the first one had not been and now Julia was back in Port Charles. As he continued up the corridor, Jax knew Brenda would be in the Angel room. It had become her favorite room in the house and it always seem to provide her some comfort especially when she was upset. Jax knew that Brenda felt that the room gave her a joyful connection to Jamie. The room had been created purely out of the love they shared for him.

Jax reached the doorway to the room and saw Brenda standing at the back windows. She was exactly where he had expected to find her. Besides the moonlight, the only light in the room was from the small hurricane lamp atop Brenda's desk. Jax stood there silently and watched her. When Brenda turned her head slightly, the moonlight reflected from one side of her face and Jax could see her tear-stained cheek. He lowered his eyes and saw the tissue Brenda was twisting within the palm of her right hand.

Jax quietly crossed the room in five strides and immediately wrapped his strong arms around her. He pulled her against him and Brenda instantly leaned her head against the brawn of his chest. Brenda pulled his arms more tightly around her waist as Jax rested his chin atop her head. They both closed their eyes and uttered no words as they stood there. It was such an intimate and comforting position for them as they stood in front of the window as the moonlight gleamed around them. The custom had begun at the windows in the penthouse of the Port Charles Hotel almost from the first day of their married life together.

Jax dropped a feather kiss on top of her head and then spoke softly to her. "I'm right here sweetie."

Brenda nestled her head deeper into his chest. The pain in her voice was evident as she whispered to him. "Why does love have to hurt so much sometimes?"

"I wish I knew," Jax said as he gently rocked Brenda in his arms. "And if I could stop it for you, I would."

Brenda took a deep breath before stepping out of Jax's embrace and turning to face him. "I know you would." There were tears in her eyes as she spoke but even they could not eclipse the love that radiated within Brenda's mahogany pools.

Jax took her hand and led her over to the couch where he sat down with Brenda sitting sideways in his lap. He brushed away the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "Is it Julia?"

She sighed deeply. "Jax, she tries to hide it but she is in so much pain."

"I'm sorry." Jax exhaled deeply. "I know how worried about Julia you have been."

"I don't know what to say to her or how to help her" Brenda shook her head as she spoke. "And Julia feel guilty because she has not seen me since she found out about the twins."

Jax squeezed Brenda's shoulder as he spoke. "She knows you are there for her and that you always will be."

Her voice wavered. "Jax, I'm afraid for her. I'm afraid for both of them."

Jax nodded. "So am I, but you and I both know that only Jerry and Julia can resolve this."

"It's not supposed to be like this," Brenda stated with a sorrowful sigh.

He gently rubbed Brenda's back. "No, it's not."

"Life just doesn't make any sense sometimes." Brenda's voice trembled. "Jerry and Julia should be parents and..." Her emotions overtook her. "And we should have....."

Jax cradled Brenda against his chest. "I know sweetie. I know."

"Hearing the pain in her voice has just stirred up so many memories about Jamie." Brenda spoke through her tears. "I know how happy she wants to be for us but I also know what that anguish feels like. I could not bear to see Lois carrying Anthony those last few months, it hurt too much."

Jax rested his head against hers. "Julia will find a way to work her way through it just like we did. Just like we are still doing."

After a few moments, Brenda dried her eyes. "Losing Jamie almost destroyed us. We knew what the joy would be from Jillian but we still had her and she got us through it. What about all those people that never have their Jillian?"

Jax took a deep breath. "Brenda, life deals some very bad hands. We know what that can mean and how you have to treasure the gifts that life gives you."

Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Jax, do you ever wonder if we've met our quota for life's rewards and happiness? Do we have too much to deserve anymore?"

"Brenda, no." Jax lifted her chin so that she was looking directly at him. "You know people don't get what they deserve. They get what they have the good sense to hang onto for dear life."

Brenda struggled to maintain her composure. "I know, it's just that I'm so scared at times. I have so much because of you and Jillian, more than I could have ever dreamed of."

"It's not a dream, Brenda." He cradled her face with both of his hands. "I'm here and so is Jillian and so are you. And Jamie is always going to be a part of us."

Tears clung to Brenda's eyelashes as she spoke. "I know."

Jax's right hand moved from Brenda's cheek to her abdomen. "And these babies are a part of us and they are real." His hand lovingly caressed her stomach. "They are gifts of love, Brenda, and in my heart, I know they are going to be right here with us."

Her bottom lip trembled as she spoke. "Oh Jax."

Brenda wrapped her arms around Jax's neck as he hugged her. His reference to "gifts of love" echoed in her mind. It was the same phrase which had been in her head as she had awakened every morning for the past week and it was the same expression Jane had used about the twins before she had returned to Alaska.

Brenda released her tight grip around Jax's neck and rested her head against his shoulder. "Thank you. It's been a rough day and I never know when these will days come."

Jax kissed her forehead and then threaded his fingers through Brenda's hair. "Please don't apologize. You need to feel whatever you think you need to feel."

Her eyes gave him a pleading look. "Tell me again what you hear in your heart."

His voice was soothing. "We're going to hold on for dear life, Brenda, with everything we have. And those gifts are going to be here with us." Jax turned his head toward the wall of family photos. "Before we know it, that wall will have be home to two more angels."

The certainty in Jax's eyes gave her a feeling of comfort. "I know how much you believe that." She exhaled softly. "Jax, I want to dream. I want to feel what you feel in your heart."

He traced his index finger along her jawline. "In time, you will. And the joy will overtake you."

"That's all I want." She hugged Jax again. "I just hope that it's one day soon."

"It will be." Jax smiled as he held her. "And until then, you know what to do."

Brenda nodded as her chin rested on Jax's shoulder. "Yes. Hold on with everything I have."

"We all will," Jax murmured as he kissed the side of her face.

A smile appeared on Brenda's face. "Have I told you recently how much I love you?"

"No, you have not." Jax said with a smirk. "It must have been at least two hours since I have heard it."

"So sorry." Brenda lifted her head from Jax's shoulder so that her face was only inches from his. "I love you and I'm never going to let go of that or you."

Jax's eyes sparkled like blue diamonds as he returned her pledge. "And I love you and with that, we have our greatest gift of all."

Brenda closed her eyes and gained strength from Jax as she remained safely in his embrace. He had promised to be with her through this from the first moment she had told him about the pregnancy and Brenda knew in heart that there was no stronger guarantee in life than a promise from Jax. Whatever happened, they would face it together. They would hold on for dear life and their love would be their shield.

Saturday, August 11, 2001

The Jacks Residence -- 11:30am

Brenda and Jillian were sitting at one of the tables on the terrace. Brenda was reviewing the marketing materials for the Christmas Campaign for Jacks' Cosmetics while Jillian was painting a picture with her watercolors. It was a very warm day so the awning was in use over their heads, protecting them from the August sun's intensity. Jillian had decided Roo-Roo needed a suntan so he was sitting on top of the terrace wall basking in the sun. Lady was laying in the shade in the grass beside the terrace. Jax had gone downtown for a business meeting but Brenda expected him back shortly.

Jillian dipped her paintbrush into the yellow paint. "Mommy, I am making the sun now."

Brenda looked up from the sketches. "That is beautiful."

"The sun is yellow just like a banana," Jillian said as she smiled at Brenda.

Brenda nodded. "That's right. Can you think of something else that is yellow?"

"Hmmm." Jillian pondered for a moment. "Daddy's hair. And Aunt Julia's too."

Brenda softly laughed. "Yes, you could say that. We call the color blonde when it is for hair."

"Blonde." Jillian repeated. "Daddy has blonde hair but not me."

"Right again sweetheart," Brenda responded with a big grin. "Now what color is your hair?"

She put down her paintbrush. "Brown just like Mommy's and Dream's." Jillian took a strand of her hair and held it between her fingers. "See Mommy, just like yours."

Brenda put down the materials and took a strand of her own hair in her fingers. "And mine is just like yours."

Jillian giggled. "Daddy says when I get big, I'm gonna look sooo pretty just like Mommy."

"Aaahhh. What a nice Daddy." Brenda said as she flashed Jillian a big smile. "When he comes home, I will have to give him a big hug."

"And a big kiss." Jillian smacked her lips together and puckered. "Daddy likes when you kiss him."

Brenda smirked as she took a sip of her ice water. "He does?"

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Oh yes, Mommy. Daddy says you are a good kisser."

Brenda fought to suppress her laughter. "What else does your Daddy say?"

"That if I kiss like you when I am big, I am going to stay with the sisters at the abbey just like Maria in The Sound of Music." Jillian gave her a wide-eyed look. "Mommy, does that mean I get to sing?'

Brenda leaned over and hugged Jillian. "We'll talk about it when you get a little older sweetheart."

Jillian began to giggle. "Daddy is silly. I can't live there, the sisters don't like animals so Lady couldn't come."

"Exactly." Brenda laughed. "Daddy is just so silly sometimes but we love him anyway."

Jillian nodded. "Love him lots and lots. When will Daddy be home?"

Brenda looked at her watch. "Soon and then you can show him your picture."

Jillian went back to her painting and Brenda continued reviewing the ad campaign. A muffled bark then was heard from Lady which was the dog's customary greeting bark. Brenda and Jillian looked up and saw Snowflake appear in the flowering bushes bordering the terrace.

"Snowflake is here." Jillian turned to the bird. "Hi Snowflake."

Brenda spoke to Jillian's feathered friend. "Hello. Jillian has been looking for you."

Snowflake fluttered his wings slightly as if to return both of their greetings. Jillian held up her paintbrush. "I'm making a picture for Daddy."

Brenda went back to making revisions to the ad copy while Jillian placed red strokes of paint on the paper to include flowers in the picture. Snowflake hopped along the top of the bushes and started to sing. As has now become customary, Jillian began to hum along with the bird. Brenda automatically smiled at the sound and when she looked up, she was amazed to see that Snowflake was now perched on the back of Jillian's chair. The bird looked almost as if he were leaning over Jillian's shoulder to get a closer look at the picture.

Brenda sat there entranced for a moment watching the two of them. Jillian began chatting with the bird about what was what in the picture and Snowflake chirped and tweeted almost as if in response to Jillian's statements. Brenda could have sworn they were actually carrying on a conversation. Jillian was smiling so brightly that it lit up her entire face. Brenda then remembered that during Jane's last visit, she had told Brenda about seeing Jillian and Snowflake at the swing set in what appeared to be an animated conversation.

Jillian then looked over at Brenda and beamed. "Snowflake likes my picture Mommy."

Brenda nodded her head. "I'm glad." She then watched Snowflake sail back to the flowering bushes.

Lady then began barking again came up the terrace steps just as the french doors opened behind them and Jax appeared on the terrace. Jillian sat up on her knees in the chair and beamed at Jax. "Daddy's here!"

"Hey princess." Jax walked over to the table and leaned over and kissed Jillian on the cheek. He then pointed at the picture. "What is this?"

"My picture," Jillian responded proudly.

Jax picked up the newest masterpiece. "It is beautiful."

Jillian coyly smiled. "It's for you. You can put it on your wall."

"Thank you." Jax kissed Jillian again. "It will be perfect there and then everyone can see it."

Jillian patted her hands against her cheeks. "Daddy, Snowflake liked it too."

He turned and saw Snowflake perched on the corner bush. "Then Snowflake has great taste as well." Jax then reached out his hand and stroked Brenda's arm before leaning over to kiss her softly on the lips. "Hey there."

"Hello honey." Brenda took his hand. "How did the meeting go?"

Jax gave her a quick wink. "Exactly according to plans."

"Good," Brenda said with a smile. "We waited for you for lunch."

Jax squeezed her hand. "Okay, let me just go up and change and I'll be right back."

Brenda nodded. "Jillian and I will just clean up and meet you inside in a few minutes."

Jax went inside and Jillian started putting her papers in a pile while Brenda closed the lids on the paints. Brenda and Jillian then cleared the table and stacked the papers and paints on the terrace wall.

As Jillian put her cup on the wall, she accidentally knocked Roo-Roo off the wall into the floor bed below. She shrieked, "Roo-Roo fell into the flowers."

Brenda gave her a reassuring smile. "We will get him and make sure he is all right."

Jillian began running over to the steps leading off the terrace. "I'll get him. He is crying."

"All right, I will watch you. Walk Jillian and hold onto the rail and then come right back here." Brenda then spoke to the dog. "Lady, you go with her."

Lady followed Jillian down the steps into the grass and Brenda watched Jillian pick up Roo-Roo from the mulch by the bush. Jillian hugged the kangaroo and then looked up at Brenda. "He is bleeding."

Brenda smiled down at her. "We'll take care of him. Now come back up." Brenda then grabbed the plastic tablecloth from the table and folded it so she could replace it with the regular cloth one she had taken off while Jillian painted.

Jillian walked out of the flower bed and then realized her hair ribbon had fallen out and was in the bed. She walked back to the bush, kicking a large mound of mulch, and then picked up the ribbon. Simultaneously Lady then began aggressively barking and Snowflake began squawking. Brenda quickly turned and saw the partially unearthed bee hive in the mulch a foot away from Jillian.

Brenda yelled out for Jax as she raced down the terrace steps, still with the tablecloth in her hands. The bees were beginning to swarm as Brenda reached Jillian. Jillian started to scream just as Brenda threw the tablecloth over her and swept her into her arms. Snowflake was still squawking loudly and Lady was now howling as the swarm began to attack. Lady raced into the yard with the majority of the swarm chasing after her. The dog finally sought respite from the attack by jumping into the pool just as Jax flew out the french doors. As Brenda reached the terrace stairs, she felt the first sting on the back of her neck. Jax met her halfway across the terrace and swatted four more bees away from Brenda and then grabbed Jillian from her as they made their way into the house.

Jax called out for Corrine to bring some ice. He then quickly sat down on the chair with Jillian in his arms as Brenda unwrapped the screaming child. Roo-Roo was in a death grip against Jillian's chest and Brenda pulled up her shirt and shorts to check her for bee stings as Jax tried to comfort her. "Daddy has you, princess. It's going to be okay."

Jillian continued to squirm as Brenda tried to look at her. "Sweetie, I know but Mommy has to check you." As she checked Jillian's head, Brenda's hands were trembling as much as Jillian's bottom lip.

"You're going to be fine, Jillian." Jax kissed Jillian's forehead and cheeks and she finally began to calm down. Brenda could not find any sign of any bee stings on Jillian. She looked up at Jax. "I don't see anything."

Jillian sniffed back her tears and finally unclenched her grasp of Roo-Roo and moved him toward Brenda. "Mommy, check Roo-Roo."

Brenda gave Jillian a big smile and then checked all of Roo-Roo's fur. "No bee stings."

She took Roo-Roo back into her grasp. "But he is still bleeding. Roo-Roo skinned his knee when he fell."

Brenda caressed Jillian's cheek. "We'll get him a band-aid."

"A Mickey Mouse one," Jillian murmured in a soft voice.

Brenda nodded as she kissed Jillian on the forehead. "A Mickey Mouse one."

Jax reached out to Brenda. "First, Mommy needs to be checked out."

He pulled her into the chair and he lifted up the back of her hair so Jillian could look at her neck. Jillian softly gasped at the two welts on Brenda's neck. "Mommy, the bees stung you."

She patted Jillian's knee. "I'll be okay. Mommy is just happy you did not get stung."

Jax took the ice pack that Corrine had brought and applied it to the back of Brenda's neck. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Brenda gave him a reassuring smile. "Please don't worry."

Jax pulled Brenda against his chest. "Impossible." He and Jillian checked Brenda's arms and hands for stings but found no more.

Jillian looked up at Jax. "I saw lots of bees coming and Mommy picked me up and ran fast to get away from them."

Jax nodded. "Mommy did a very good job of taking care of you."

"Lady and Snowflake took care of her, they saw the bees first." Brenda looked at Jax in concern. They had both heard Lady's howls before she jumped into the pool and knew that the bees had taken out their anger. "Daddy, why don't you go out and bring Lady inside so we can take care of her."

Jillian then looked out the glass and saw a drenched Lady standing at the french doors. Snowflake was sitting on the terrace wall at the door peering into the room as well. They both looked as though they were checking on their little friend. Lady then started crying to come inside.

"Oh, Lady's crying." Jillian frowned at the sight of the sorrowful animal. "Lady, Daddy's coming to get you."

Corrine brought in a stack of towels and Jax went out onto the terrace and dried off Lady with the towels. He could see the stings on her swollen nose and snout. "Hey there girl, you did good." Jax then turned to Snowflake. "You too Snowflake."

Jax and Lady came inside and Jillian hugged the dog while Brenda laid out Lady's blanket. The dog sighed deeply as she laid down and Brenda stroked her ears and held the ice pack to Lady's nose. "Lady, this will make you feel better. Thank you for watching after Jillian."

Jillian laid down beside the dog. "Poor Lady, her nose is all sore."

"We'll take care of her." Brenda then turned to the dog. "But don't get any ideas that this is a new routine. Today you will be pampered but tomorrow, everything is back to normal."

Jax chuckled at the sight of the three of them on the floor. His little family at their finest. Jillian motioned to him. "Come on Daddy, come sit with us. The whole family."

"The whole family." Jax flashed her a huge grin as he sat down next to Brenda. He put one arm around Brenda and the other around Jillian. Lady was in the middle of all of them and Snowflake fluttered his wings as he peeked into the window again. They created quite a picture and when Snowflake began singing, Brenda looked over her shoulder at the bird and smiled. Somehow the scene now seemed perfect.

The Barrett/Jacks Penthouse -- 6:45pm

The engine had been turned off but Jerry was still sitting behind the wheel of the Ferrari. He had parked the car in its customary spot on the top level of the garage fifteen minutes before but Jerry remained in the vehicle as the events of the past week filtered through his mind. Jerry had returned from Hong Kong two hours ago and Emerson had picked him up at the airport and then taken him directly to the office. Jerry unloaded some of the files he had brought back from the J & J Jacks Asia office and then asked Emerson to take the limo back since there was a car available for Jerry to take home. The Ferrari was parked in the office garage and Jerry needed some time to unwind before going home. He hoped that a long drive would help.

It had and it hadn't.

As he sat in the car, Jerry raked his hand through his thick waves of hair. He decided he definitely needed a hair cut especially with the sweltering humidity of this balmy summer evening. Days like this were only good for the beach and open water and in the past, Jerry would have considered it sacrilege to be anywhere else. Those days were over, so much had changed over the past four years in his life. He no longer was the adventurer who meandered his way through city, country and continent as if they were merely rooms in a house.

In the past, he had prided himself on successfully indulging every whim and fantasy, or those of the lucky lady who had caught his fancy at that particular moment. As he frolicked and cavorted, the rest of world was being consumed with the besiege of problems that life threw its way. Jerry remembered how he had pitied those poor fools for being prisoners to their own existence. He had vowed then to be no one's captive, least of all his own.

The absurdity of it all now made Jerry shake his head as he looked into the rear view mirror of the car. The image he saw in the mirror was the epitome of a prisoner of life. And it was not a circus fun house mirror. It was his own face. He could have been the poster boy for the reality of life. It all had become crystal clear to him over the past few months. And the past week had just confirmed it all.

Seeing Teddi again had roused so many memories and emotions in Jerry. Jerry's strained phone calls with Julia during the week had made him well aware that Julia was absolutely fixated on that issue. However, most of his remembrances were not pertaining to the emotions of devotion and passion in the relationship that Julia was so obviously concerned about, but instead were memories of the life Jerry had led in the past. Today those months with Teddi really did feel like ancient history. He was not the same man.

Or maybe he was.

Teddi had called Jerry on so many things that day in the garden when he told her he was leaving. She had told him that he was fooling himself by trying to outrun life and its commitments and that he was betraying himself as much as he was betraying her. As Jerry sat alone in the garage now, he recalled how Teddi had shouted that reality was going to catch up with him one day and that he would be defenseless to stop it. And even more than that, he wanted it and needed it but his damned stubbornness was preventing him from admitting that.

She had been right and Jerry knew it. He took a deep breath and muttered out loud. "You did always have to be right, didn't you Teddi?"

Jerry knew he had fled London and Teddi because she had scared the hell out of him. He had not been prepared to face his feelings for her and the possibility of having anyone get that close to him. Jerry had spent the next several months trying to forget Teddi and eventually he learned to live without her. In doing so, he promised himself he would never allow himself to get that close to the fire again. They were the best laid plans but then came Julia and nothing would be the same again.

Suddenly Jerry was not close to the fire, he was engulfed by it.

Jerry had heard plenty about Julia Barrett before their first meeting in Port Charles. He had pegged Julia as insufferable and arrogant and the epitome of the classic, high society woman he loathed. By reputation, she was known to be reserved and uptight and Jerry was sure Julia would not know the meaning of the word excitement if it hit her over the head. He was going to enjoy watching her squirm when he flustered her Victorian thinking.

Instead he did not know what hit him after he first laid eyes on her. She was arrogant and insufferable and way too uptight but there was something there simmering beneath the surface that caught his attention immediately. His attempts to exasperate her only proved to exasperate him even more. Everything he gave her, she gave him right back. Julia got under Jerry's skin like no one ever had and she scared the hell out of him but this time, he did not run.

For the first time in his life, Jerry did not want to run.

And now four years later, Julia was running from him. From herself

as well. Jerry realized they had more in common than he had ever imagined, Julia was doing the same thing he had done eight years earlier. It was becoming painfully more obvious every day to Jerry how much she was shutting him out. The brief glimpse he thought he had seen of the real Julia when she returned from London had disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Seeing Teddi and Tron with Jillian at The Outback had immediately put an end to that.

Jerry had spoken to her every day from Hong Kong and Julia had seemed more distant with each conversation. They hadn't even argued except in their very last conversation. At least if they had, that would have forced Julia to feel anger. Almost anything would have been better than the emptiness Jerry heard in her voice. Of course the last conversation had been the worst and Jerry knew that was part of the reason he was still sitting in the car in the garage rather than going up to the penthouse.

The argument had been in the phone call early yesterday morning Port Charles time. It was the end of the day in Hong Kong, the end of a grueling week of fourteen hour days for the management team. Finally, the tariff issue seemed to be in control and Jerry could make plans to come home. With the time difference, Jerry called Julia from the office in order to reach her before she left for the office herself. Immediately Jerry knew she was already having a bad day. He knew she was supposed to have been at Jax and Brenda's for dinner the night before so he worried that finally seeing Brenda had upset Julia more than she was letting on. When he broached the subject, Julia immediately went on the defensive. She talked about a problem with one of the west coast operations and how it had forced her to cancel her plans with Brenda.

Jerry knew it was not the time nor the place to get into this topic, but his exhaustion, agitation and stress levels got the better of him and he went on the offensive with her. The conversation went downhill from there and Julia told him it sounded as if it would be better for him to stay in Hong Kong with Teddi and Tron. Jerry felt as if he was beating his head against the wall and told her so and then to add further fuel to the fire, Tron then came into the office to meet Teddi. Because of the hours everyone was putting in at the office, Jerry had not even seen Tron since the plane trip. When Tron came into the office, he immediately came looking for Jerry to give him a book of pictures he had made for him. Naturally, Julia heard the animated conversation and reaffirmed her position that Jerry would be much better off in Hong Kong.

The conversation ended with each of them saying things they regretted but that was becoming the norm these days. Jerry did not know how much more he could put up with. He declined Tron's invitation to join he and Teddi for dinner but Jerry promised the young boy he would stop by the house and meet Tron's birds in the morning before he headed back to Port Charles. Jerry also promised Tron he would see him when he returned to Hong Kong later in the month for a meeting that was to be scheduled with officials of the Chinese government during a visit to the city.

Jerry went back to the hotel and unplugged the phones and turned off his cell phone. It was sheer stubbornness but he could not speak to Julia now even if she wanted to talk to him which he highly doubted anyway. He drowned his sorrows with half a bottle of scotch before sleep became his temporary retreat. He woke up late the next morning with a pounding headache and in need of a friendly ear. Without giving it a second thought, Jerry turned on his cell phone and called Brenda. The hour was late in Port Charles and the phone awakened Brenda and Jerry's diminished mental state upset her considerably. His mind was quickly brought back into focus at the sound of her distress and then the sound of Jax giving him an earful. Jerry was sure he had only heard the first course of Jax's wrath and Jerry knew that Jax was right. This was Jerry and Julia's problem and the last thing Brenda needed to deal with now.

The clock in the car showed it was now 7:15 and Jerry realized he had been sitting in the car for forty-five minutes. He groaned at the fact that he was avoiding going into his own house and he opened the car door. He grabbed his bags and headed to the elevator. The door opened immediately and Jerry stepped inside and inserted the key to the penthouse level. As the elevator ascended the twenty floors toward the penthouse, Jerry sighed heavily. These days he never knew who was going to be there, Julia or the mere shell of the woman who had captured his heart.

Jerry turned his key in the lock and opened up the door to the penthouse. The sound of music playing from the stereo was the first to greet him. The corner of his mouth curved into a smile, the music was an aria from one of those wretched Italian operas Julia adored. Jerry detested the music (or babel as he so frequently called it to agitate her) but it was typical Julia, the real one, and he had not heard the music in weeks.

Julia appeared from the den. "Jerry."

"Hello," Jerry said as he tried to read the look on her face.

Her voice shook slightly. "You're here."

A look of confusion appeared on his face at the surprised tone of Julia's statement. "I told you I was coming home today."

"I couldn't reach you and the airport said you arrived hours ago." She exhaled a jagged breath. "I didn't know if you were coming home after yesterday."

Jerry questioned her. "Where did you think I was going to go?"

Julia swallowed the lump which had formed in her throat. "I don't know,.... maybe anywhere but here."

A deep sigh was expelled from Jerry's lips. "You honestly thought I would just not come home?" The pain in his eyes was obvious. "Is that where we are now?"

Julia folded her arms tightly against her chest as the tears began to run down her cheeks. "I don't know."

"My God Julia, don't you know how much I love you?" Jerry's voice trembled with emotion. "You think I would just walk away and not look back at everything we have?"

She spoke amidst her sobs. "I don't feel as if I know anything anymore."

Part of him wanted to be angry at what she was actually thinking but his heart was in control now and it was bleeding at the anguish on Julia's face. "Come here." Jerry held his arms out to her.

Julia did not need another invitation and she melted into his arms. Jerry hugged her as tightly as he could. He massaged her back with his hand. It had ben so long since Jerry had held her like this and she felt so damned good. Even with her sobbing in his arms, Jerry actually felt a small sense of relief at this moment. She actually seemed to need him and be opening up to him.

Jerry whispered to her. "We're going to figure this all out together."

Julia nodded her head against his chest. "Don't leave me."

"I'm not going to leave you. I promise." Jerry kissed the top of her head.

Jerry took a deep breath as he continued to hold her. It was a start and that was all he could ask for at this moment.

Tuesday, August 14, 2001

J & J Jacks -- 12:30pm

Jax laughed as he hung up the phone with Augustin. Augustin was in Monte Carlo and had taken great pleasure in recounting the tale of the latest gambling woes of Thao. Thao had lost the Tuscany vineyards last night to the latest suitor of the Countess Adrianna. Last night at the roulette wheel, Paolo, The Contessa and Augustin had decided that ever since Thao had lost Kronos to Jax and been captivated by Brenda, his gambling prowess had escaped him.

Augustin had also called to invite Jax and Brenda to Venice next month to see him in a special performance at the newly rebuilt Opera House. He knew Venice was one of Brenda's cities and he looked forward to seeing Jax and Brenda again. Jax extended his regrets and disappointment at missing the trip and then gave Augustin the news about the twins. Augustin wished Jax heartfelt congratulations and understood Brenda's travel restraints. He promised to send a tape of the performance and asked Jax to give Brenda his love.

Jax marked the performance date on his calendar so they could be sure to send Augustin a congratulatory gift. As he added the information to his computer program, Jax heard a knock at the office door.

He looked up as he spoke. "Come in."

Brenda walked into the office carrying lunch and Jillian followed behind her carrying Roo-Roo. "Daddy, we're here."

Jax smiled as he stood up from his chair. "I've been waiting to hear from you."

"We decided just to come and surprise you." Brenda responded as she put the bags on the coffee table in front of the couch.

Jax kissed Brenda and then held out his arms to Jillian. "Well, how is my brave girl?"

"Good." Jillian hugged Jax and Roo-Roo was crushed between them as Jax lifted her into the air.

"Tell me all about it," Jax said as he sat down with Jillian and Roo-Roo in his lap.

"I didn't cry." She turned to Brenda. "Right Mommy?"

Brenda sat down on the couch next to Jax and Jillian. "That's right. Daddy, she was very brave."

Jillian patted Jax on the cheek. "Dr, Simone said to say 1,2,3 real fast and I did and it was all done."

"You are such a brave girl." Jax hugged Jillian again.

She lifted up the sleeve of her shirt. "See her is my band-aid, it is pink just like my shirt." Jillian then lifted Roo-Roo up in front of Jax and showed him the kangaroo's arm. "Roo-Roo has a blue band-aid since he is a boy." She sighed softly. "He cried a little when he got his shot."

Jax nodded. "Well, he is still little. You are a big girl."

Jillian beamed. "And now I'm all ready for school."

Jax covered Brenda's hand with his at the sight of the slightly melancholic expression on her face. It was hard to believe that Jillian would be attending pre-school in just a few weeks. She was growing up so fast. It seemed like only yesterday that Jillian was learning to walk and now she was about to start school.

Brenda smiled at Jax and squeezed his hand. "Who is ready for lunch?"

"Me!" Jillian raised her hand as she spoke. "See Mommy, I already know how to raise my hand for school."

Brenda nodded. "I see that." She opened up the bags of food. "Jillian, here is yours and you and Roo-Roo can kneel on the floor and use the table."

"Yum, yum." Jillian smiled brightly as Jax helped her onto the floor. "Peanut butter and bananas."

Brenda rolled her eyes and Jax chuckled as he poured some lemonade into Jillian's cup. Brenda looked up at him. "I don't know how anyone can eat that. To ruin perfectly good peanut butter with bananas is a travesty."

"Sweetie, I know it is not your trademark combination." Jax began to chuckle again as he continued. "One day you will find someone besides yourself who makes a good peanut butter and hershey bar sandwich on raisin bread."

She gave Jax his corned beef sandwich. "The raisin bread takes care of the grain and fruit group and then peanut butter covers the proteins and the milk in the milk chocolate, the dairy group. Bingo, all four food groups."

Jax sighed as he shook his head. "You really scare me sometimes."

"Well, I do have to keep you on your toes." Brenda flashed Jax a lopsided grin as she handed Jillian some carrot sticks.

Jax laughed and then took a sip of his iced tea. "Augustin called me right before you arrived."

Brenda finished half of her turkey sandwich. "How is he? I miss the gang so much."

"They're great except for Thao." Jax chuckled deeply. "He lost the Tuscany vineyard last night in Monte Carlo."

Brenda laughed softly. "I think the next time we are all together, I will have to play Thao's hand for him. I just can't bear to see the man suffer like this."

"I can." Jax choked on his laughter.

Brenda elbowed him. "Such a demonstration of sympathy."

Jax stroked her upper arm. "Trust me, he merits none."

She shook her head at Jax. "What else did Augustin have to say?"

Jax finished his tea. "He invited us to Venice next month to hear him perform at the new Opera House."

Brenda sighed. "I'm so sorry we can't be there."

"I explained and he understands and asked that I give you his love." Jax smiled at her. "He is very happy for us and will pass on the news to the rest of the gang."

Brenda returned his smile. "We'll have to send him something."

He nodded. "We will and he promised to send us a tape."

"September is going to be a busy month," Brenda said as she leaned back against the couch.

Jillian stopped eating her grapes long enough to join in on the conversation. "September means school and my birthday."

Jax looked down at Jillian. "Your birthday? Do you really want to celebrate it?"

"Yes Daddy." Jillian started giggling. "I have to get my presents."

"Well then I guess we will celebrate it." Jax winked at her.

"And we can have a party." Jillian stood up. "I have to go tell Uncle Jerry and Aunt Julia about the party."

Brenda grabbed Jillian's arm. "We will tell them later. Aunt Julia is not here remember and Uncle Jerry is in a meeting."

Jax turned to Brenda. "I don't know how long Julia will be at the Foundation. I had hoped she would be back to see you."

Brenda was well aware of Jax's concern for her about Julia. "Jax, I don't want to force the issue with her." She looked over at Jillian who was intently watching them. And we'll talk about the rest of it later."

Jax's intercom then buzzed and he reached over and hit the button. "Yes."

Jerry's voice bellowed from the speaker. "Is the munchkin in there?"

Jillian giggled. "I'm here."

"Come down to see me so you can see a real office where real work gets done."

Jax rolled his eyes and spoke into the intercom. "What did you drink for lunch?"

"You need better material Jax and Jillian, the door is open for you Francesca is at lunch." Jerry then clicked off the intercom.

Jillian grabbed Roo-Roo. "Mommy, I wanna go."

"Okay, I'll take you," Brenda said as she nodded.

She asserted her independence. "I know where Uncle Jerry works, I can go by myself." Jillian turned around and put her hands on her hips. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm a big girl now. I'm going to school soon."

Jax laughed to himself as he stood up. "I'll open the door and watch you and Mommy will come get you in a few minutes."

Jillian waved at Jax and Brenda and Jax watched her walk down the hall and disappear into Jerry's office. He closed the door again and sat back down with Brenda. "She is all ready to take on the world."

Brenda laughed as she rested her head against Jax's shoulder. "We are in for it."

He joined in on Brenda's laughter. They knew life was never going to be dull with Jillian Veronica Jacks around.

Meanwhile, Jillian was showing Jerry her band-aid and recounting the story of her doctor's visit this morning. "But I didn't cry. Not even a little."

Jerry grinned at her as she sat in front of him on top of Jerry's desk. "You are fearless just like me. Now your father, he always cried. He was even scared of a band-aid and a little ant."

Jillian shook her head. "No, my Daddy is not scared. He is very, very brave."

"Poor child." Jerry shook his head. "When you get older you will see that I am the brave one."

"No, Daddy is." She tapped on Jerry's arm. "And I get old on my birthday and at the party I get lots of presents. You and Aunt Julia are gonna come."

Jerry have her a bewildered look. "Presents? No you give me a present on your birthday."

Jillian shook her head and pointed at herself. "No, I get all the presents. It's my party and I get to wear a new dress so Daddy will say I look sooo pretty."

He snickered. "Pretty heh?" Jerry stroked his chin. "I know how you can even look prettier for Daddy."

Jillian looked up at him. "I wanna look pretty."

"Okay then when Daddy asks you what you want for your birthday, you tell him diamonds. Big sparkling ones." Jerry clapped his hands together. "I know, tell him you want a crown like Cinderella and the glass slippers too."

Jillian excitedly rubbed her hands together. "Sparkley ones and glass slippers?"

Jerry nodded. "Just like that. You will look so beautiful."

They then heard the sound of the clearing of a throat and then Jax and Brenda's voices on the intercom. "Hello Jillian."

She turned around and Jerry rolled his eyes as he saw that Roo-Roo was sitting against the intercom button. "Daddy, I hear you."

Jax chuckled. "We hear you too and you can tell Uncle Jerry since he had such a brilliant idea about diamonds and glass slippers for your birthday, he will have the honor of getting them for you as his present."

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Okay Daddy." She turned to Jerry. "You get to give them to me."

Jerry groaned as he flipped off the intercom button. "Jillian, one day your Daddy is going to pay the piper."

She continued on the Cinderella theme. "Can I ride in the pumpkin like Cinderella too?"

Jery decided to get off the subject post haste. "Jillian, I have something for you from Tron. He gave it to me before I left Hong Kong."

Jillian's curiosity was now peaked. "What did Tron give you?"

Jerry took the book of pictures out of his briefcase. "Tron gave me this and this one is for you. There is your name on it."

"Ooohhh, it is pretty." Jillian smiled brightly at the picture with Mickey and Minnie Mouse stickers. "I like Tron and his Mommy."

"Yes, Tron and his Mommy are very nice," Jerry said as he showed Jillian the rest of the pictures in the book Tron had given him.

Julia had come back from the Foundation and had gone straight to Jerry's office to give him some materials from Justus. She had walked right to the door since Francesca was still away at lunch and Julia had witnessed much of the scene between Jerry and Jillian. It was now the second time she had seen Tron's picture book and her imagination was again running wild with visions of Jerry and Tron together. Julia planned to tiptoe away unnoticed but Jillian then turned toward the door and saw her.

Jillian waved when she saw her. "Aunt Julia, you came back."

Having no choice now, Julia walked into the office. "Hello Jillian."

Jerry immediately saw almost the pained look in Julia's eyes. "Jillian came to tell us about her shot today."

Jillian held out her arm. "See my band-aid" She then showed Roo-Roo's arm to Julia. "And here is Roo-Roo's."

"I bet you and Roo-Roo were brave," Julia said with a weak smile.

Jillian nodded. "I was but Roo-Roo cried a little bit."

"That's okay, you both were still brave." Julia then dropped the materials from Justus on Jerry's desk.

Brenda's voice was then heard from outside the door. "Okay Jillian, Uncle Jerry has to get back.." Brenda stopped as she walked into the office and saw Julia standing there. "Julia."

Jerry watched the change in Julia's face. The look of sadness in her eyes had suddenly become one of almost panic.

Julia felt herself catch her breath as she turned around. In her imagination, Julia had envisioned Brenda looking nine months pregnant. Brenda did not look like that at all. She was wearing a cotton flowing dress with a jacket and a stranger would have had no idea that she was pregnant. Julia had become an expert though and to her, Brenda's eyes were a dead give-away. They were brimming with radiance and life.

Julia finally exhaled sharply. "Brenda." She held out her arms and hugged Brenda. Brenda hugged her and could feel that Julia was trembling. Brenda could feel the tears stinging her eyes as she fought to keep them from falling. Julia's were already falling and Jerry felt a knot form in the pit of his stomach at the sight of her distress.

Brenda squeezed Julia's shoulder and then released her from the embrace. She was fully aware of the anguish Julia was in and that a minute from now Julia would be out of control. Brenda whispered to her. "I'll talk to you later."

Julia never turned around to look at Jerry or Jillian and she raced out of the office without another word. Brenda took a deep breath and nonchalantly brushed away her tears before turning back to Jillian.

Jillian gave Brenda a confused look. "Mommy, where did Aunt Julia go?"

Brenda sniffed back her tears. "She had some work she had to do. We will see her later and now we need to go home for a little rest since you missed your nap."

Jerry lifted Jillian from the desk and hugged her. "Good-bye Jillian. Remember your picture."

Jillian picked up the picture from Tron. "Bye Uncle Jerry. Love you."

"Love you too munchkin," Jerry said as he plastered a smile on his face.

Brenda leaned over and hugged Jerry. Her voice trembled as she whispered to him. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." He whispered back to Brenda as he tightly hugged her.

She caught her breath and took Jillian's hand and they headed out of the office. Brenda looked back at Jerry and cringed at the anguished look on his face. Today was definitely a day for tortured hearts.

The Barrett/Jacks Penthouse -- 8:45pm

Jerry paced back and forth across the living room as night began to fall over Port Charles. He looked up at the mantle clock for the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes. It had been more than seven hours since Julia had disappeared from the office without a word to anyone. Jerry had no idea where Julia was and he was beginning to panic. Panic was not a familiar feeling for Jerry and it terrified him. It was yet another addition to the growing list of things in Jerry's life which were beyond his control.

He walked over to the bay window and stared out into the night sky. The lights of Port Charles glittered below as Jerry felt his anxiety level increase with each passing moment. Jerry put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the note from Julia. Shortly after Brenda and Jillian had left, he had gone to look for Julia but had found only an empty office. Sally was at lunch and Julia's briefcase was still sitting wide open on the credenza behind her desk. When Sally returned to her desk a few minutes later, she had found the note from Julia. The note had simply said that Julia was leaving. No more, no less.

After getting the note from Sally, Jerry returned to his office and tried to reach Julia. He called her cell phone, car phone and the penthouse and failed to reach Julia anywhere. Jerry spent the next few hours attempting to contact Julia to no avail. His panic level was driving him crazy. Jerry finally left the office himself and headed to the penthouse hoping to find her but all he found was a quiet and empty house. Now hours later, the penthouse felt even emptier. And it was so quiet that it was deafening.

The silence was suddenly shattered with the shrill ringing of the telephone. Jerry nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound. He grabbed the receiver. "Hello."

It was Brenda's voice on the other end. "Have you found her?"

"No word yet." Jerry sat down on the chair.

A frightened sigh fell from Brenda's lips. "Oh God, where is she?"

Jerry tried to sound as confident as possible for Brenda's sake. "Brenda, everything will be fine. I'm sure Julia just needed some time to clear her head."

"Jerry, I'm sorry." Brenda's voice was filled with emotion. "I thought I would be out of the office before she came back this afternoon."

"Don't do this Brenda." His tone was deliberate. "This is Julia's problem. You are not expected to hide from your own sister."

Brenda bit her bottom lip as she spoke. "I know how painful this is for both of you. I know how much you want to help her."

"You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped." There was a definite air of defeat in his comment.

"I know you realize that." Her voice exuded compassion. "But that does not make it hurt any less for you."

Jerry sighed deeply. "It sure as hell doesn't."

"I'm so sorry for both of you." Brenda murmured quietly into the phone. "If you need us, Jax and I are here for you."

"I know you are." Jery rubbed his throbbing temple. "I promise I will call you as soon as I hear from Julia."

Brenda exhaled softly. "We love you."

"I love you too. Good-bye." Jerry then replaced the receiver and the silence returned to the dark room.

Jerry closed his eyes as he leaned back against the couch. His thoughts focused on the past three days since he had returned from Hong Kong. Julia had broken down in his arms that first night and seemed so willing to let him start to share her anguish. Jerry had held her for hours and then she had asked him to make love to her. It was only the second time they had made love in the past month and it was tender and loving. Jerry needed her and wanted her and Julia had responded with the same need and desire. When Jerry fell asleep with Julia in his arms that night, he hoped that it was the start of their journey back to each other.

The next morning, the light of day sent reality crashing back down upon Jerry. He had awakened to find Julia's side of the bed empty and Jerry got out of bed and went in search of Julia. He found her sitting in the breakfast nook staring at the falling rain. One look at Julia's face caused the muscles in Jerry's neck to tighten. She was guarded and the protective armor was already back in position.

When Jerry tried to broach the subject of her anguish from the previous night, Julia simply stated that she had been exhausted and overreacted. When she then apologized to Jerry for losing control of her emotions, he wanted to take the closest thing he could find and throw it through the window. Jerry felt as if he was talking to a wall while having his head rammed against one at the same time. It was as if the evening before had been a dream.

His thresholds for patience and tolerance were gone and Jerry had stormed out of the room and returned to the bedroom. It was there that he then noticed that Julia had unpacked his suitcases from the trip. Sitting on the top of his dresser beside his shaving kit was the picture book Tron had given to Jerry as a gift. Jerry knew that part of Julia's current frame of mind was the result of finding the illustrations. At this point, Jerry did not even care what paranoid delusions Julia had formulated from seeing the gift. He had never intended to keep the gift as a secret and Jerry knew it was pointless to try to explain anything to Julia in her frame of mind.

Julia did not even seem to want an explanation anyhow and the tension between them increased. Now two days later, Jerry had no clue where the hell she even was. He struggled between being overwhelmed with outrage and complete terror. Jerry was not in control of anything -- his emotions, his marriage, and his life were in the midst of a free-fall and Jerry knew he had no parachute. It was pure torture and his heart was the casualty.

Jerry looked at the clock again and pondered whether to go out and the car and look for Julia again. The problem was that he had no clue where to even start looking. He knew he could not sit there for another minute though without losing his mind. Jerry stood up and grabbed the car keys from his jacket pocket. At that moment, he heard the sound of keys unlocking the front door.

Julia walked into the foyer and the front door closed shut behind her. She did not make a sound but instead just looked at him.

Jerry broke the silence very quickly as he threw his keys down onto the mahogany coffee table. Outrage now won out over terror. "Where the hell have you been?"

She spoke quietly. "I needed to figure some things out."

Jerry felt his jaw tighten. "Did you even for one second think about what I NEEDED or what your sister NEEDED?" He did not give Julia a chance to respond before he proceeded. "For God's sake Julia, you could have been in a ditch somewhere for all we knew."

She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I had to get away to think."

"What about everyone who loves you?" His voice was filled with anguish. "Your own sister is blaming herself for upsetting you. My God, she has been hiding from you. That is the last thing Brenda needs to worry about now." He continued. "And what about me? Do we even have a marriage anymore or is that just a past memory?"

Now it was Julia's turn to get emotional. "I'm sorry, I just had to..."

Jerry finished the sentence for her. "Run." His emotions were taking over now. "Damn you." He shook his head slightly. "I was here for you and so was Brenda and so were a lot of other people and you turned away from all of us."

"I know." Julia's tears crept from her eyes as she walked into the living room. "Nothing made sense and I didn't know what to do about anything." She spoke through her tears. "I wasn't trying to shut you out but I had to get some things clear in my own mind before I could do anything."

He sat down on the couch. "Julia, I begged you to let me help you but you would not even talk to me about what you were feeling. When Dr. Meadows suggested talking to a counselor, you refused that. Now you are afraid to even be in the same room with your sister because of her pregnancy. Julia, there is a major problem here and it is affecting us as well as you. We have to deal with it together."

"I know," Julia said as she nodded. "And you're right, I was afraid to see Brenda but..."

"But what?" Jerry looked directly at Julia.

Julia sat down on the couch next to Jerry. "Seeing Brenda today made me face some things and suddenly things became so much clearer." She sighed softly. "It is time that we deal with this together."

He took a deep breath. "I heard these sentiments three days ago and twelve hours later, we were back to the abyss again."

"It won't be like that this time. We are in this together." A big smile appeared on Julia's face. "Everything has changed and I know what I want to do."

Jerry rubbed his eyes and shook his head in confusion. "What do you want to do?"

"I want us to be parents and I'm ready to do that." She looked at Jerry with a pleased expression on her face.

Jerry's eyes widened in bewilderment. "What?"

"I want us to have a baby to love. I know I can't give you one but we can still raise your child together." Julia further explained herself. "We'll begin to make arrangements for a surrogate tomorrow."

Jerry's response came quickly and forcefully. "No Julia, we won't."

To be continued