Circle of Love

by Kathleen

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for all the feedback on this story. Please continue to drop me a note. FYI -- the first name of the character Tei Ling Kwan is pronounced Tay-Ling. For those fellow sentimentalists, this chapter runs the gamut of emotions and is dedicated to Austine. :-)

RATING: "PG"

The "NC-17" version of this chapter has been forwarded for distribution via the "NC-17" mailing list (HelenO92@aol.com). You can also contact me directly at kathsheeh@aol.com to receive a copy.

CHAPTER 15 -- SURPRISES

Thursday, July 5, 2001

The Barrett/Jacks Penthouse -- 7:00am

The rain pounded against the windows and the sound of rolling thunder echoed in the sky overhead. Jerry rolled onto his side and reached over to Julia's side of the bed. The sheets were cold and his eyes flew open to see the empty space beside him. Jerry sat up in bed and brushed the sleep out of his eyes.

Jerry groaned as the muscles in his back ached from the strain his body had undergone over the past two weeks. He listened for a sign of Julia's presence in the bathroom but the only thing Jerry heard was the clamor of the falling rain. He leaned back against the pillows and then heard the sound of quiet footsteps.

The sound of Jerry's voice startled Julia slightly as she tiptoed into the bedroom. "There you are."

"Jerry." Julia moistened her suddenly dry lips. "You should still be sleeping. You haven't even been back for a day."

"I am fine." He looked over at the clock by the bed and noted the early hour. "You're dressed all ready?"

Julia cleared her throat. "I have to review some of the materials before the meeting with Dulaney this afternoon."

Jerry threaded his fingers through his hair. "I thought you did that last night after we came home from the fireworks."

She walked over to the dresser and picked up a brush and ran it through her hair. "I did but I'm so far behind."

Jerry sat up in bed again. "You must be, you didn't come to bed for hours."

Julia ignored the edge in his voice as she fastened the back of her pearl earring. "Why don't you get some more rest and just stay home today. I'll tell Francesa that you'll be back tomorrow."

He folded his arms against his chest. "Why don't you tell me what the hell is going on here?"

Julia exhaled deeply. "There is nothing going on here. I have to get to the office and you need to get some rest."

Jerry gave her an incredulous look. "Excuse me, am I missing something here? Is there a reason you are trying to get away from me?"

She swallowed the lump which had formed in her throat. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Jerry sighed heavily. "Julia, you have been pushing me away since I came home yesterday. Did you even spend four hours in this bed with me?"

Julia turned around to face Jerry. "Are we back to this again? I do some work and you get some needed rest for one night and the world comes to an end?"

He shook his head in amazement. "I am not going to apologize for wanting to make love to my wife."

Julia took a deep breath. "Who is asking you to? I just don't understand how you can construe last night as anything more than it was."

"Stop it!" Jerry moved so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor. "I am not going to let you get away with this anymore."

She put her hands on her hips. "Get away with what?"

Jerry felt his jaw tighten as he spoke. "Avoiding me and avoiding this chasm between us. You have been doing it for weeks and it ends right here."

Julia spoke through clenched teeth. "Don't do this right now."

He laughed sarcastically. "Why the hell not? We can't keep going like this, or not going like this as the case may be."

"Jerry, I can't get into this now."

Jerry took a sharp intake of air. "No Julia, you can get into this now. The problem is that you won't."

Julia felt the knots in her stomach tightening. "Don't try to tell me what I am thinking or feeling."

Jerry spoke in frustration. "Maybe I wouldn't have to if you would tell me what you're feeling."

She rubbed her throbbing temples. "Let it go."

Jerry stood up and took a few steps toward Julia. "No I won't, not anymore. You have been evading this issue for weeks and it is obvious that things are only getting worse. You can't walk a tightrope forever without falling off."

Julia's voice quaked slightly. "Jerry, now is not the time."

"Damn it, don't do this!" Jerry took a deep breath and lowered his voice. "Julia, I know what you are doing and why and it's not helping you or us."

Julia's hands were shaking as she brought them to cover her face. "Jerry, please."

His heart ached at the look of anguish and fear on her face. "I know you saw Lynn Meadows two days before I left for Hong Kong." Jerry responded to the look of query on Julia's face. "I found the copy of the insurance form last night when I opened the desk drawer.

Julia closed her eyes and exhaled deeply. "Jerry..."

Jerry's tone was not much louder than a whisper. "You saw Lynn before I left for Hong Kong and you didn't even tell me."

The look in his eyes burned a hole right through Julia's soul. "I just couldn't." Her voice was filled with emotion. "I'm sorry."

He lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry that you don't think I can help you."

Julia bit on her bottom lip. "Jerry, no."

Jerry shook his head. "Yes Julia. You have been pushing me away for months. I spent the past two weeks away from you and even during our phone conversations, you were trying to keep me at arms' length."

Julia somehow found the strength in her legs to walk across the room. She barely reached the bed before she literally collapsed onto it. Julia wrapped her arms around herself as Jerry remained standing in the center of the room.

A moment later, Jerry took a few steps toward the bed. "Do you know what it is like to watch you punish yourself like this?" Jerry moistened his lips as he exhaled slowly. "I saw you yesterday at the park crawling into your shell at the sight of all the children but you would not let me in. You're drowning and you won't even try to reach for a life line."

Tears crept from the corners of her eyes as Julia spoke. "I can't stop it."

Jerry looked directly at Julia. "Have you even tried?"

She lowered her eyes from his intense gaze and was unable to respond. Jerry sighed heavily and his voice trembled as he spoke. "I guess I have my answer."

Julia choked back a sob. "Jerry, I don't want to do this."

Jerry felt his own tears stinging his eyes. "Well, I don't want to feel like an outsider in my own marriage but I do."

A stream of tears ran down Julia's cheeks. "Jerry, I'm not trying to hurt you. I don't know what to do."

"And you won't let me help you figure that out." He fought to hold back his tears. "Until you do, we're in big trouble."

Julia put her head in her hands and spoke amidst her tears. "I know."

There was nothing else to say at this moment nor did either of them have the energy to even try. Jerry turned and walked into the bathroom and when he gazed into the mirror, he saw an unfamiliar look on his face. It was a look of fear and it sent a wave of panic through him. Jerry was not in control of the situation or his emotions and that was a foreign concept to him. He hated the feeling but even more, his heart was in agony over it. And that created the greatest fear.

The Jacks Residence -- 7:15pm

Brenda was resting on the couch in the den while Jillian sat on the floor playing with Lady.

Jillian smiled brightly as she rubbed the furry stomach of the dog. "Lady likes me to pat her on the tummy."

Brenda nodded slightly as she looked down at Jillian on the floor. "Yes, Lady likes to have her tummy rubbed."

Jillian glanced up at the couch and grinned at the sight of Victoria sitting in Brenda's arms. "Victoria is pretty just like you Mommy."

Brenda smiled and she moved her hand down the doll's arm. "Thank you sweetie but I think Victoria looks beautiful, just like you."

Jillian rubbed Lady's stomach for another moment and then stood up and moved over to the couch. "She likes her pretty dress from Kong Kong."

Brenda laughed softly. "Hong Kong sweetie."

Jillian covered her mouth with her small hand as she giggled. "Oh, okay -- her pretty dress from Hong Kong."

Brenda lifted Jillian up onto the couch and then turned to smooth the satin material of the doll's ceremonial robe. "Victoria looks very pretty in her robe."

Jillian beamed. "Wait til Daddy sees her when he comes home."

Brenda wet her dry lips. "Daddy will think she is beautiful. Uncle Jerry bought you and Victoria such nice gifts."

Jillian bobbed her head up and down as she scooted onto the couch. "The dresses are pretty not icky like eel."

Brenda nodded and then closed her eyes for a moment as a wave of nausea hit her again. "The dresses are very pretty."

Jillian leaned over Brenda. "Mommy, I want those bad germs to go away."

Brenda took a deep breath as she opened her eyes again. "They will soon Jillian."

She reached down by Brenda's legs and picked up the paper fan that sat on the sofa cushion. "I will be like the wind." Jillian then began to fan Brenda using the gift from Jerry.

Brenda rested her eyes again. "You make Mommy feel so much better."

Lady suddenly sat up and then quickly left the den as she heard the garage door open, signifying Jax's arrival. A minute later, the front door opened and Lady greeted Jax at the door. He put down his briefcase and leaned down to pet the dog. "Hello girl. Where is everyone?"

Lady turned and headed toward the den and Jax followed behind the dog's lead. As he entered the den, Brenda was on the couch with her eyes closed while Jillian was leaning against the back of the couch waving the fan over Brenda's face.

Jax flashed Jillian a huge grin as he moved toward the sofa. He spoke to her in a low whisper. "Hello princess. What are you doing?"

Jillian returned his smile. "Blowing on Mommy."

Jax chuckled. "You make a very good wind."

Brenda opened her eyes and turned her head to face him. "Hello honey."

Jax knelt down next to the couch and caressed Brenda's hair with one hand while his other hand stroked Jillian's leg. "Hey, how are you, my love?"

Brenda reached up and covered his hand with hers. "I'm okay. Jillian has been taking very good care of me."

Jax kissed Brenda's forehead and then kissed Jillian's cheek. "Thank you so much princess for taking good care of Mommy."

Jillian's smile lit up the room. "It's fun."

Brenda reached over and touched Jillian's cheek. "Thank you for blowing on me with your fan but you can rest your arms now. Remember what you want to show Daddy?"

Jillian lowered the fan and smiled as she nodded her head at Brenda. "I remember." Jillian then lifted Victoria from Brenda's lap. "Daddy, look at Victoria and her pretty dress."

Jax lifted the doll from Jillian's arms. "Oh my, Victoria is just beautiful. Almost as beautiful as you were Jillian when you tried on your robe last night at the park."

Brenda smiled as she looked at Jillian and then at Jax. "Victoria has been keeping me company while Jillian has been taking care of me."

Jillian scooted off the couch and pointed to the coffee table. "See Daddy, I got crackers from Josee for Mommy." She then motioned toward the glass of ginger ale. "And I watched the ginger ale to tell Mommy when it was ready."

Jax threw off the jacket to his suit and sat down at the end of the couch with Brenda's legs resting in his lap. He massaged the souls of her feet as he spoke. "You watched Mommy's ginger ale?"

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Yes to tell Mommy when there were nooo more bubbles."

Brenda looked down at Jax at the other end of the couch. "Jillian serves a great meal of flat ginger ale and soda crackers, my favorite meal these days."

Jax tugged at one of Jillian's curls. "Thank you so much Jillian. Now you and Victoria can take a break and Daddy will take care of Mommy. What would you like to do before bedtime?"

Jillian tapped her finger against her cheek as she decided. "Can you read us a story?"

Jax nodded. "I certainly can. Which one would you like?"

Jillian brightly smiled. "Peter Rabbit and Flopsy and Mopsy."

It had been awhile since Jillian had asked for her special book. Brenda exhaled softly as she thought back to all the nights before Jillian's birth that Jax had read Peter Rabbit and the other tales of Beatrix Potter out loud. He had done the same thing when Brenda was carrying Jamie and now the tiny child growing inside her would hear the story for the first time.

Brenda took a deep breath. "The big book of Peter Rabbit is on the bottom shelf of the bookcase over there."

Jax made a motion to get up. "I'll get it for you, Jillian. It is very heavy."

Jillian shook her head. "I can get it." She put Victoria down on Brenda's lap again. "I have big arms now."

Jax laughed to himself as Jillian tugged on the book from the book shelf. She was as determined as Brenda was when it came to doing anything she set her mind to. Jillian then tugged on the book again and this time it came free and she lost her balance trying to catch it and she and the book both landed on the carpeted floor.

Brenda sat up. "Jillian, are you all right?"

Jillian sighed as she rose from the rug. "Uh-huh."

Jax again moved to stand up. "Princess, let me help you."

Again she shook her head. "No Daddy." She then lifted the book so that it was barely off the floor. "I have it."

Brenda took a deep breath as Jillian slowly made her way over to the couch with the book. Brenda looked over at Jax and knew full well what he was thinking. She whispered to him. "Don't even say it."

Jax fought to suppress his laughter as he mouthed his response to her. "I don't have to, we know she is your daughter."

Brenda threw him a wicked glance and again whispered. "Just wait until she is a teenager."

Jillian finally reached the couch and Brenda took the book from her. "See Mommy and Daddy, I have big arms now."

Jax grinned at Jillian as he lifted her into his lap. "Yes, you are a very big girl now."

Brenda sighed softly and then smiled as she looked down at the book which had come to mean so much over the past four years. She then handed it to Jax and he placed the storybook in Jillian's lap and turned the page to begin the first chapter in The Tales of Peter Rabbit. Jax reached over and took Brenda's hand in his and his thumb gently stroked the outside of her hand as they exchanged knowing glances. Brenda gave Jax a small smile and he winked at her in return. No words were needed between them at this moment.

Jax began reading and, with his right hand, he and Jillian turned the pages as the story continued. At every moment, Jax's left hand remained tightly wrapped around Brenda's small hand. The gentle embrace of their hands was as loving as the devotion felt in their hearts, as sheltering as the sanctuary found in their souls and as strong as their faith in one another.

It was a simple touch but it signified a depth of emotions and a commitment that only few could ever begin to understand. As the moon began to rise in the sky on this bright summer night, the moon beams reflected from the small framed design on the wall of the den. The embroidered pattern read, "Bless Our Home." The wishes behind the framed design were not necessary as reality had already taken care of the message. This home was most certainly blessed.

Sunday, July 8, 2001

The Jacks Residence -- 12:30pm

Brenda groaned as she threw another bathing suit into the dresser drawer. Robin and Matthew were coming over in half an hour for lunch and to spend the afternoon at the pool and Brenda still was not dressed. Her new figure was playing havoc with her wardrobe decisions. The scales still showed no weight gain but her body was beginning to show the signs of the pregnancy. Besides the continuing enlargement of her chest, her middle seemed to have thickened overnight. She knew that Robin would take one look at her in a bikini and the news would be out. The summer season was over for her bikinis very early this year.

Brenda stepped into her bright red bathing suit and shook her head in front of the mirror. It was Jax's favorite swimsuit but this one was not going to work either. Brenda was completely unaware that Jax was leaning against the door to the bedroom area of the master suite. He had put Jillian down for an early nap a few minutes before so she could spend some of the late afternoon with everyone at the pool. Now Jax was a very interested spectator of the fashion show before him.

She groaned again as she looked into the mirror. The plunging neckline of the bathing suit was revealing a great deal more of her assets then before. The material barely covered half of each of her blossoming breasts and provided quite an eye-opening view. Brenda muttered out loud as she stood there. "I may as well be wearing some string for all the good this does."

Jax took two steps into the bedroom as he spoke. "Well, they do say less is more."

Brenda rolled her eyes and then turned around to face him. "Just how long have you been standing there?"

He gave her a devilish grin as his eyes gazed intently on ample view her attire provided. "Long enough to be provided quite a show, Mrs. Jacks. Now is it time for a closer inspection of the merchandise?"

Brenda lifted her finger into the air and shook it. "Aren't you aware of the house rules about not touching the merchandise?"

Jax crossed the room and stood directly in front of her. "For anyone else in this house or on this planet, those are mostly definitely the rules."

Her face displayed a sly smile and she cleared her throat. "Well if it truly is look but don't touch then I guess you see no problem in me wearing this outfit today?"

Jax chuckled deeply and raised his right eyebrow as he responded. "Hell no. That outfit is restricted to only members of the private audience."

"I see." Brenda looked up at him as she moved even closer to him. "And who might that be?"

"I'm afraid that is only me." He sighed in mock distress. "I drew the short straw."

Brenda shook her head in sympathy as she rested her right hand against the middle of her chest. Even her hand could not conceal the highlights of the view. "Poor baby."

"It's a tough job but someone's got to do it." Jax reached out with his hand and stroked his fingers over the exposed creamy skin of her left breast. "And I have to take some responsibility since I had a part in creating your new look."

She moaned softly as his thumb moved under the material of the swimsuit and brushed against her nipple. "And now we have guests coming."

He continued his sweet caresses. "Maybe they'll be late?"

Brenda begrudgingly removed his hand from her breast. "Maybe they won't be."

Jax sighed loudly. "Like I said, this is a very tough job."

Brenda squeezed his hand before releasing it from her grasp. "I have to find something to wear." She then motioned toward the other side of the room. "And you need to move over there, mister."

The sapphire shimmered in his eyes as he spoke. "Oh, you don't trust yourself?"

Brenda nudged him away from her. "We both failed Willpower 101 a long time ago so go over to the other side of the room. I need to get dressed."

Jax exhaled deeply. "The things I do for you." He then stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. "Don't worry, you'll find something that works."

A glint of fear appeared in her eyes. "I know I should just tell Robin and Lois and the people close to us but..."

Jax pulled her into his loving embrace. "You will know when the time is right, sweetie."

Brenda snuggled against his chest. "I hope so. I'm not feeling very brave right now."

"You're very brave, Brenda." He rubbed her back as they stood there. "I know you're already anxious about your appointment with Lynn next week but we'll get through it."

"Just keep telling me that." She then took a deep breath and stepped away from the shelter of Jax's grasp. "Okay, now I really have to get dressed and you really have to move over there."

Jax gave her a lopsided grin and then a quick kiss on the mouth. "I will as long as I know that you won't make that request again for at least the next fifty years."

Now it was Brenda's turn to sigh loudly. "All right. The things I do for you."

Brenda grabbed a black swimsuit she had worn two summers ago when she was carrying Jamie. She put it on top of the dresser and untied one of the straps to the bathing suit she was wearing. Her undressing was interrupted by the sound of the classic musical accompaniment for a striptease coming from Jax's lips.

Brenda turned around and glared at him. "Stop!"

Jax shrugged as he sat on the chair and he could not conceal the smirk on his face. "What? I thought you loved music."

She groaned. "You are impossible." Brenda then picked up the black swimsuit and walked toward the bathroom. "The show is over."

Jax could barely control his mirth as he spoke. "You are such a tease, it was just getting good."

Brenda took a quick glance at him over her shoulder and then entered the bathroom. "You'll survive." She then gave him a smug smile as she closed the door behind her. "Or maybe you won't."

Jax laughed out loud as he heard the click of the lock on the bathroom door. Brenda knew all the tricks but fortunately so did he and it made for quite a combination. The doorbell then rang and Jax left the master suite to go downstairs as Corrine escorted Robin and Matthew inside. It was just another entertaining day at the Jacks residence.

Two hours later, Jax and Matthew were sitting on the lounge chairs by the pool talking about their mutual experiences with triathalons while Brenda and Robin were in the water with Jillian. Jillian was swimming back and forth from the sides of the pool in the shallow end while Brenda and Robin watched her.

Robin shook her head in amazement. "She is like a fish."

Brenda nodded. "Isn't she? Jillian has been crazy about the water since Jax first put her in this pool when she was ten months old. Now we can't keep her out of it."

Robin laughed. "When you were upstairs getting Jillian dressed into her bathing suit, Jax told us that Lady is the same way."

Brenda rolled her eyes. "That is why she is in the side yard now since you and Matt are here. Otherwise she would be diving in this pool wreaking havoc."

Robin laughed and Brenda turned around and saw Matt smiling at the sound of the laughter. Brenda's face brightened and she muttered to herself.

Robin sighed deeply at Brenda's transparency. "Don't even start."

Brenda chewed on the inside of her mouth to keep her composure. "I'm not saying a word."

Robin shook her head. "You don't have to, it's written all over your face."

Brenda shrugged. "It's not my fault that Matt is so obvious about his feelings for you."

"Here we go again," Robin groaned.

Brenda snickered and then touched Robin on the arm. "All right, I will leave you alone but just know that I am fully aware how devoted he is to you and I want you to be happy."

Robin rolled her eyes as she looked at Brenda and was happy to see Jillian coming toward them so that this subject could be dropped for at least the next five minutes.

Jillian swam over to them and grabbed onto the rope on the side of the pool. "I swimmed lots. Did you see me Aunt Robin?"

Robin smiled at her. "I did and you are such a good swimmer. Maybe one day you can swim in races in the big pools."

A big grin was on Jillian's face. "Like Daddy. Grandmom said he got ribbons just like the horses."

Brenda reached over and brushed the hair off of Jillian's face. "Are you ready to take a little rest now, sweetie?"

"I wanna show Aunt Robin how I foat."

"That's float sweetie." Brenda smiled. "All right, you can show Aunt Robin how you float and then we will sit down for a little while. It is very hot and we need to get out of the sun for a bit."

Jillian beamed. "Daddy teached me and now I can do it."

Brenda put her hand on Jillian's back. "Okay, ready."

Jillian bobbed her head up and down. "Ready!"

Brenda brought Jillian out into the center of the shallow area of the water. "Okay, here we go."

Brenda stood beside her as Jillian floated on her back. "Come over this way."

Jillian moved her feet and arms and began to move toward Robin and the side of the pool. "See me Aunt Robin?"

Robin laughed. "I see you and you are a very good floater."

Jillian reached the side of the pool and saw that Jax and Matthew were standing on the side watching her. She began to giggle as Brenda put her hand under her back. Jax knelt down and lifted Jillian from the pool.

Jillian's face was brighter then the afternoon sun reflecting off the water. "I floated Daddy."

Jax took the towel from his shoulders and wrapped it around Jillian. "I saw you and you are getting so good at it."

Matt extended his hand to Brenda and then Robin as they exited the pool. "Jillian, you are such a good swimmer."

Jillian smiled at Matt. "Me and Lady like to swim."

Brenda watched as Matt covered Robin with a towel and helped her dry her back. Brenda smiled as she dried Jillian's hair with the towel Jax had wrapped around her. "Yes, you do. Now how about some lemonade? Josee just brought some out onto the terrace along with some fruit and cookies."

Jillian nodded. "Yum-yum. Let's go,"

Matt laughed and then put his arm around Robin. "Great idea. Let's go."

As Jax carried Jillian, Brenda put her arm through his and they followed behind Matt and Robin to the terrace. Brenda could not help smiling and Robin glanced over her shoulder and could only shake her head. Brenda simply waved and Jax grinned at the two of them. They were quite a pair and it was so good to see both of them smiling.

The Barrett/Jacks Penthouse -- 8:00pm

Jerry hung up the phone as he sat in the office at the penthouse. He had spent most of the weekend there between calls to Alaska and Hong Kong. The business day had just started an hour ago in Hong Kong and the initial phase of the new management structure had been in place for a week. The Asian subsidiaries were running smoothly thus far and John and Jane were in the process of ensuring that they stayed that way.

On his recent trip, Jerry had finalized the plans for the new internal structure of J & J Jacks Asia but John had taken over the final phase of the restructuring. John and Jane were putting together a management team to oversee the operations of the Asian quadrant. Jerry could not have been happier at this point to not be in the driver's seat. He was dealing with enough on the home front to occupy every ounce of his energy.

Jerry looked over at the bookcase and saw the picture of he and Julia from their honeymoon in Fiji. It was hard to believe that it had been almost two years since that unforgettable trip. The end of next month would mark the two year anniversary of the day they took their vows as husband and wife. Jerry leaned back in the recliner as he thought about how that day had changed everything for him. Actually it had been almost two years prior to their wedding day when he should have realized that his life was never going to be the same again. Jerry exhaled slowly as he recalled that rainy day when he first laid his eyes on Julia Barrett at the Port Charles Airport. He closed his eyes and a small smile formed on his lips at the memory of her in the pouring rain trying to grab the door handle to the taxi while running after it in those ridiculous three inch Italian leather pumps.

He took a deep breath as Jerry wondered when and if he would ever see glimpses of that Julia again. The woman he was living with now was a mere shell of her former self. He and Julia had managed to get through the past four days but they were merely existing and nothing more. There had been no screaming or anger or tears since that morning after Jerry's return from Hong Kong. It was as if they both were almost too numb to feel anything. The only thing Jerry could feel now was fear and the realization of that shook him to his very core.

Jerry stood up and walked over to the window as the last strokes of the painted sunset faded in the sky. He had spent the past two days trying to figure out what to do and he had no real answers. Julia had stayed clear of him because she recognized the look in his eyes. Jerry also knew that Jane suspected that something was wrong and Brenda was convinced of it and that just added to Jerry's melancholy. It was still unbelievable to him that any woman could read him and now he had three who could. Actually four because Jillian was highly proficient at it as well and that was almost too much to bear. It was bad enough that his mother could do it but he had promised himself years before that no other woman would ever get close enough to him to be able to read his newspaper never mind his thoughts. He had failed miserably at that too.

His eyes mirrored the falling darkness as Jerry pressed his nose against the window. His heart ached and thoughts of the past and the present raced through his head. Julia had been the first woman he had ever allowed into his heart. She had been the only woman outside his family that he had ever told that he loved. He had never even used the feigned promise of love to lure a woman into his bed or keep her there. Jerry had kept hordes of women on a string but even then, he had refused to utter the words for any reason. The issue of love had been a taboo subject for him. The one and only time before he met Julia that he had been tempted by the allure of the forbidden fruit of love, Jerry had run like hell and never looked back. It had been a moment out of time and a lifetime ago when everyone was still reeling from the impact that the news of Miranda's "death" was having on Jax.

Jerry had met Teddi after he had returned from the rock climbing trip to the Grand Tetons with Jax. He could still remember it as if it were yesterday because Jerry had never been so scared in his life. The sight of Jax teetering on the edge of the cliff and not grabbing for the rope had been ensconced into his mind forever that day. He knew at that moment what Jax was contemplating and Jerry remembered screaming for him to grasp the rope. When Jax finally lunged for the rope and Jerry helped pull him to safety, Jerry realized for the first time that Jax loved Miranda so much that he had almost chosen to die just in order to be with her. It was also at that moment that Jerry realized in some perverse way that he envied Jax for having had someone in his life that meant that much to him.

When Jerry's pleas to Miranda to let Jax know that she was alive fell on deaf ears, Jerry was in anguish for Jax and for himself. It was then that Theadora Reed entered his life and Jerry let her get closer to him than any woman every had. But in the end, he pushed her away too. Teddi's love had scared the hell out of him. Jerry was not ready for love then and he had run before the possibility of it had seeped into his heart. He had carried an ache in his chest for weeks after he had left her in London but Jerry refused to believe it was anything but the first feelings of real guilt he had ever had about a woman. Teddi had been left standing alone and all she had ever wanted to do was to love him.

Jerry rubbed his eyes hoping to clear his head of the memories. He now knew exactly how Teddi had felt when he pushed her away. He was now on the receiving end of it with Julia and it was more than he could bear. They had spent the past two days in the penthouse together but they may as well have been on the opposite sides of the world from each other. He missed his wife and he felt as if there was a piece of him missing. It was still hard to believe he was not imagining all of these emotions. Jerry let out an exaggerated sigh as he realized that those "Jax-like" feelings were not foreign to him anymore. Brenda had continually tormented him all along about what his true feelings were and she had been right, AGAIN. God, he hated that too. One day the Barrett women were going to push him completely over the edge.

Jerry saw the first star in the sky appear and then heard a sound behind him in the office. When he turned around Julia was standing in the doorway. Neither of them said anything for a moment nor did either make any movement toward the other. Finally Julia spoke. "Did you finish your calls?"

He nodded as he moistened his dry lips. "Yes, I have."

Julia took a deep breath. "Is the management team any closer to being in place?"

Jerry shook his head. "No. I think Dad and Kim are hoping that I'll change my mind."

A look of confusion was displayed on her face. "About what?"

He cleared his throat. "Heading the management team myself."

Her voice was almost a whisper as she questioned him. "Are you even considering it?"

Jerry wanted to see the look in her eyes so he took three steps into the center of the room. "Would it bother you if I was?"

Julia's shoulders fell as she took a sharp intake of air. "Of course."

Jerry realized he had been holding his breath and he slowly exhaled. "I have no desire to spend the next six to twelve months in Asia without you and I know you told Kim that you were not interested in moving to Hong Kong right now."

She wistfully asked, "Does that bother you?"

He shook his head. "No, I just wanted to be sure you were given the choice. You would be a great asset to the team if you wanted a change of scenery but you are a fundamental asset here."

Julia nodded in acknowledgement. "Thank you, I need some time here."

Jerry paused before making his next statement. "Do you think that time is all you need?"

Her defenses automatically went up and her voice had a definite edge to it. "Jerry, not now."

He walked to the doorway and reached out and touched Julia's cheek. "Kiddo, please just hear me out."

Julia's expression softened as she let out an uneasy sigh. "Okay."

Jerry cupped her face with both of his hands. "I love you and I'm scared for you and for us. I think you need to talk to someone who can help you because I don't seem to be able to at this moment."

She lowered her eyes. "Jerry, I don't want to talk to anyone. It is not necessary."

He lowered his head so that their foreheads touched. "I think it is. Would please just consider it?"

She hated the sound of the pain in his voice. "Jerry...."

"For me?" Jerry's voice was mixed with fear and anguish. "Please."

Julia choked back the lump in her throat. "All right, I will think about it."

Jerry kissed her in the center of her forehead and then pulled her to his chest. As the reflection of the moon began to shine into the room, it surrounded them and seemed to accentuate their frailty at that moment. They were two frightened people trying to hold on and wondering if that would be enough to protect them from their own hearts.

Monday, July 16, 2001

The Jacks Residence -- 6:30am

The view from the window of the falling snow had returned in Jax's mind. The sun was not out but the day was still bright and the room was so warm. It was a familiar sight now and the feeling in his heart was as strong as ever. There was music again as he stood before the window and his arms felt full. The dream was so real.

Jax buried his head deeper into the pillow and smiled in his sleep. He wanted to stay in his dream where everything felt right and where his heart was bursting with joy. The snow continued to fall and then the images began to cloud over in his head. The visions were coming to an end again but as they did, one final fleeting image appeared in Jax's mind.

A soft sigh was expelled from Jax's lips as he shifted in bed. His eyes fluttered opened and he saw the summer sunlight streaming through the windows. Jax brushed a loose curl from his forehead and turned his head to see Brenda sleeping beside him. She had finally had a restful sleep after being haunted again by nightmares during the previous two nights.

Jax took a deep breath as he gazed down at Brenda. Her back rested against his chest as the sun reflected on the delicate features of her face. At this particular moment, Brenda looked just like Jillian did when she slept. At times, they both looked like angels from heaven in their blissful slumber. Jax only wished that all of Brenda's sleep could be so peaceful.

He closed his eyes and a warm smile lit up Jax's face. The images from his dream flowed through his mind and a feeling of serenity washed over him. Jax could hear the music and see the delicate snowflakes and feel the love overflowing in his heart. He opened his eyes as a new vision appeared in his head. Jax reflected for a moment and realized it was the same image that was in his head when he awoke.

Jax looked down at Brenda as the vision of her beaming face in his dream continued to overtake his thoughts. He had never seen Brenda appear as radiant as she did in his visions. Her face reflected a look of pure joy and her eyes sparkled like crushed diamonds. Brenda was a true vision in his dreams and the love that gleamed from her face was more dazzling then the brightest rays from the sun.

He covered Brenda's shoulder with the sheet as he could only wish that Brenda could share the comforting dreams he had experienced over the past few weeks. Jax hated the torment that the nightmares caused Brenda but Melanie had warned them both that nightmares could reappear. The appointment three days ago with Lynn Meadows had churned up some unpleasant memories and Brenda's anxiety and stress over the pregnancy had intensified once again. The nightmares had returned that same evening and the next but last night, Brenda had slept through the night.

Jax threaded his fingers through Brenda's soft hair as he spooned her body with his. He placed his arms around her waist and rested his hands on Brenda's middle. Jax smiled as his fingers gently caressed the small bulge in her stomach. The slight protrusion in Brenda's abdomen had appeared suddenly a few days before and Jax's hands seemed to involuntarily move to stroke her swollen stomach ever since.

Brenda stirred in her sleep and Jax gently kissed the side of her face. Brenda opened her eyes and rolled onto her back so that she was looking up at Jax. Jax leaned over and gently touched his lips to Brenda's forehead and each of her eyelids before covering her mouth with his and indulging in a sweet kiss.

Brenda moaned softly as she caressed Jax's cheek. "Morning."

Jax turned his face into her palm and kissed it. "Good morning, sweetie. You seemed to have had a quiet night."

She nodded. "I did. There were no nightmares."

"I'm so glad." Jax slowly exhaled. "I know you are still concerned about the appointment we had with Lynn on Friday but remember that she said everything was fine right now."

Brenda took a deep breath. "I know that in my head but my heart is having a difficult time with it. Everything was fine with Jamie for so long and then..."

"I know sweetie." Jax brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. "And I realize how worried you are about the ultrasound at the end of the month. We will just take this one step at a time."

Brenda nodded. "I know. Jane said the same thing to me when I spoke to her about it."

"You did seem much more relaxed after talking to Mum." Jax cupped the side of her face with his hand. "I also think speaking to Melanie yesterday was a big help."

"It was." Brenda smiled as she gazed up at Jax. "I know you helped me with your love and your strength." She then covered his hand with hers. "Jax, I'm sorry that you have to worry about me so much. I am sure you sat up half the night watching me."

Jax interlocked his fingers with hers. "You're such a silly one. Don't you know that loving you and worrying about you is like breathing for me. And watching you sleep is a like a treasure I am given every day."

Brenda shook her head as tears clung from her eyelashes. "Jax, please stop. I am going to turn into a blubbering idiot in a moment."

Jax flashed her a lopsided grin. "Sorry my dear but that is exactly how I feel." He lifted Brenda's chin as tears trickled down her cheeks. "I love you Brenda and I know how scared you are but I'm going to be here and I'm going to worry about you and there is nothing you can do about it."

Brenda sat up and wrapped her arms tightly around Jax's neck as the tears flowed like a river now. Her words came out in between her sobs. "I told you.. I told you ....I was going to be a blubbering idiot."

He rested his chin on top of Brenda's head. "You can be a blubbering idiot around me any time."

Jax held Brenda against his chest and stroked her thick brunette tresses. Brenda took deep breaths as she gained control of her emotions. After a few moments she released the hold around Jax's neck and moved slightly away from him.

Brenda bit her bottom lip. "I love you Jax and I have no idea what I ever did to deserve you."

He smiled brightly at Brenda. "Don't you remember what I told you about that a long time ago? Brenda, none of us get what we deserve, we get what we have the good sense to hold onto for dear life."

She hugged Jax tightly again. "I'm going to hold onto you with everything I have and everything I am."

Jax rubbed the middle of her back. "Right back at ya." He then eased Brenda back down onto the pillows and brushed the stray tears from her cheeks. "How are you feeling?"

Brenda took a deep breath. "Iffy at best. Thank heavens we don't have a water bed."

Jax chuckled as he arranged the pillows under Brenda's head. "We have never needed one since we are able to create our own ocean of love complete with its own waves of passion."

She choked back her giggles. "Jax..."

"Are you doubting the captain of this ship?" Jax slowly stroked his fingers up and down her bare arm. "And then there's the Valentine's Day love boat and all those instances of twenty lashes on the high seas."

Brenda again tried to suppress her laughter. "Don't make me laugh, my stomach is already churning."

He smirked at Brenda. "Funny, you were not laughing last night amidst those surges and crests of passion but I do recall a considerable amount of moaning."

Brenda covered her face with her hands. "Jax, please."

Jax smugly smiled at her as he pulled Brenda's hands from her face. "Oh yes, I do remember hearing that plea from last night on our voyage."

Brenda forced her thoughts back to the present and buried her head into the pillow. "Jax, stop."

He had to control his mirth enough to get the words out. "Now, I definitely know that word was not part of your vocabulary last night."

Brenda picked up her pillow and hit Jax over the head with it. "That is enough."

Jax ducked as another swat of the pillow came at him. "There's another utterance I don't recall hearing last night."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You could not hear anything over the sound of your own panting and groans."

Jax caught his breath as he left the visions of last evening. "I had to do something after all that begging and pleading you did."

"How do these words sound to you? " Brenda spoke as she waved the pillow at him. "Forget it." The pillow struck him on the back of his neck. "I have headache." Again the swat of the pillow connected with the top of his head. "Ha, ha -- you must have lost your mind."

Jax grabbed the pillow from her and pushed her back down onto the bed. "No comprende señora."

Brenda gave him a smug smile. "No amour señor. Comprende?"

"Comprende señora." Jax grinned at her. "Now for passing my translation lesson, what is my reward?"

"Reward?" Brenda laughed softly. "Now who is begging and pleading?"

Jax shrugged. "Guilty as charged. Now what are you going to do about it?"

Brenda giggled again as she locked her hands around Jax's neck. "I guess I have to declare your punishment since I am the captain of this ship now."

Jax cradled her head in his hands as he eased on top of her. "Okay, then I am throwing myself on the mercy of the court. May I ask that you please be gentle?" He chuckled. "Well, on second thought, don't be gentle."

The sound of Jax's laughter stopped as Brenda's mouth overtook his in a kiss of blazing passion. It was just the first element of the punishment as Brenda spent the next hour doling out the balance of Jax's penance. Today justice, as well as love, prevailed.

The Jacks Residence -- 5:30pm

Lois and Brenda had spent the past two hours working on the plans for the promotion of the new CD for Ingo and the Angels. The CD would be ready for distribution beginning next month and there was a great deal of expectation for its success. Ingo had just been honored with the award for "Hottest Male Star" by the fans for the second year in a row so the marketing efforts were taking full advantage of the award and Ingo's popularity.

Brooke and Jillian were upstairs in Jillian's room playing with the beauty salon while Anthony was downstairs in the den with Lois and Brenda. Anthony was occupied for the present time with crackers and a set of blocks in the middle of the floor. Once Jax came home from the office and Ned met them a little later, Josee would serve dinner for all of them.

Lois looked over at Anthony as he dropped crumbs all over the rug. "Anthony, look at you. You will be lucky to ever be invited back here again."

Brenda smiled. "He's fine. Lady will love it and take care of the crumbs before the vacuum cleaner even gets out of the closet."

Lois shook her head as Anthony attempted to stuff a cracker from each hand into his mouth. "At least he's occupied. Lila says he takes after Edward in that regard, food is the best way to keep him quiet."

Brenda laughed softly. "Yes, I have seen her strategically use caviar and pate several times over the years."

Lois closed the marketing folder and placed it on the coffee table. "Ned keeps recommending super-glue on crackers but Lila has not resorted to that yet."

Brenda put her distribution list down and leaned against the back of the couch. "I think Jax will want to be present if she ever does."

Anthony started babbling and Lois noticed that he had finished all of his crackers. "I am going to go get him some juice from the kitchen."

Brenda nodded. "Okay, I'll keep an eye on him."

Anthony watched Lois get up and walk to the door and he stood up and started to follow her. Brenda moved off the couch and took his hand. "Mommy will be right back. Let's see what we can see outside."

Anthony began jabbering "Mama" as Brenda led him to the french doors. As soon as he reached the door Anthony began pointing at the glass. Brenda knelt beside him. "What do you see?"

Anthony began squealing and Brenda finally saw what he was so interested in. "You see the bird. That's Snowflake.

The bird was perched on atop the terrace wall and suddenly began singing. Anthony squealed again and then started tapping his hand against the glass of the door. Brenda picked him up and took a step back from the door so he could not reach the glass. "Anthony, the bird is singing."

Anthony pointed at the door again and began babbling. Brenda smiled at him. "Pretty bird, can you say that?"

She watched Anthony intently as he seemed to be trying to sing along with Snowflake. Brenda had actually been watching Anthony since Lois and the kids had arrived this afternoon. It was like that some days, her mind would wander to what could have been and Brenda would become almost mesmerized by the toddler. In her mind right now, she could almost picture what it would feel like if Jamie and Anthony were both in her arms now singing with Snowflake.

Anthony would always have a tie to Jamie for her and some days that link brought her joy while other times it was almost excruciating. Today it was actually a little of both. She had seen Melanie this morning for a session and Brenda's emotions were still all over the place. Anthony's attempts at serenading Snowflake became louder and Brenda was pulled out of her visions.

Brenda heard Lois enter the room and turned around. "Here comes your Mommy, sweetheart. And your juice."

Lois smiled at Anthony but could not help but notice the look on Brenda's face. Lois took Anthony from Brenda and placed him back down on the rug with his cup of juice. "Here you go sweetie."

Brenda sat back down on the couch and then realized a tear had rolled down her cheek. She brushed it away and was fully aware that Lois was watching her. Brenda took a deep breath. "I'm okay."

Lois sat down next to her. "Brenda, if this is a bad day, we can just meet Ned at home."

Brenda shook her head and placed her hand on Lois' arm. "There is no need. I want you to be here."

Lois exhaled softly. "I know you've been dealing with a great deal and that you have been seeing Melanie again. Is there anything I can do for you?"

Brenda nodded. "Yes, I have been seeing Melanie again and I'm trying to learn to manage some very conflicting emotions right now."

Lois put a brave smile on her face. "Can I help you? Name it and I will do it."

Brenda's mouth involuntarily formed a small smile at the love in Lois' voice. "Yes, you can. I need you to be the first to hear me."

Lois' face displayed a look a confusion. "Hear you what, honey?"

Brenda looked down at Anthony as he was clapping his hands together and grinning. Snowflake was still singing as Brenda took a deep breath and then heard the words come off her lips for the first time. "We're going to have a baby."

Lois reached out her arms to Brenda and hugged her. "Oh honey, I can't even imagine how scared you are but I am so happy for you."

Brenda finally remembered to breathe and she exhaled deeply as tears rolled down her cheeks. "That's all I want."

She continued to hug Brenda. "When?"

Brenda fought to control her breathing. "The third week of January."

Lois released Brenda from her embrace. "Tell me how you are."

She let out a ragged sigh. "That depends on the hour of the day." Brenda grabbed a tissue from the box on the table and dried her eyes. "It's been a rough few days."

Lois pushed a curl from Brenda's forehead. "Do you know why?"

Brenda's voice quaked slightly as she spoke. "I had nightmares for the two nights following my visit to Lynn Meadows on Friday."

A look of fear crossed Lois' face. "Brenda, is there something you haven't told me?"

She shook her head. "No. I have an ultrasound at the end of the month and the idea of it is just terrifying me."

Lois took Brenda's trembling hand in her own. "What did Lynn say?"

Brenda wiped away the fresh set of tears which were falling. "I'll be monitored closely in my last trimester and she'll use the periodic ultrasounds to identify as many potential problems as possible. She offered to give me an initial ultrasound early but I'm even afraid of that."

"Of course you are." She squeezed Brenda's hand. "How is Jax?"

The sound of his name brought a small smile to Brenda's lips. "Incredible. Sometimes I wonder how he can deal with me."

Lois smiled brightly. "He adores you so I don't think you have to worry about that."

Brenda took a deep breath. "He is the only reason I have been able to get through this and I know he's worried about me. I don't know what I'm feeling from one moment to the next."

Tears rimmed Lois' eyes. "Brenda, how could you feel otherwise? What does Melanie suggest?"

Brenda blew her nose. "To take everything a moment at a time and to feel what I need to feel."

Lois smiled. "I agree and Melanie's advice sounds just like classic words of wisdom from the Gloria Cerrullo outline to life. It's always worked for me."

Brenda nodded. "Melanie has been a tremendous help to me and if Gloria would say the same thing, I know it is the best thing to do."

"Ma's going to be so happy for you when I tell her. I won't say anything until you want me to though."

Brenda dabbed her eyes. "Thanks. No one else knows and I need to keep it that way for awhile especially with regard to Jillian. Of course, I am not referring to Ned. Tell him whenever you can without Brooke overhearing the news."

Lois patted Brenda's hand. "Okay."

Brenda choked back the lump in her throat. "It's going to be difficult enough to tell Jerry and Julia as it is. I am so worried about her and about what this is doing to the two of them."

"I know but you need to concentrate on you and Jax right now." Lois gave her a look of reassurance. "I won't say anything and I completely understand how difficult it must be to share the news."

Brenda closed her eyes momentarily as she leaned her head against the back of the couch. "Lois, today is the first time I even said the words out loud. I couldn't even tell Jax, he had to figure it out from my incoherent rambling. The same was true with Lynn and Melanie. Jax told John and Jane because I couldn't."

Lois looked directly at her. "But you said it today Brenda and that means a lot."

"I hope so." Brenda sighed softly. "It's like dreading the ultrasound and trying to distance myself from feeling anymore than I have to. My head is telling me that once I see this baby, my heart will be in too deep but part of me already realizes how foolish that is. My heart is already gone and that's one of the reasons the nightmares came back after my visit to Lynn on Friday."

Lois swallowed the lump in her throat. "Why honey?"

Brenda spoke softly. "Lynn couldn't hear a heartbeat yet and I know that is not uncommon at this stage but we were able to hear Jillian's at this time but not Jamie's. My head knows that none of this has anything to do with what happened but my heart is not yet convinced at this moment." She shook her head slightly. "I worry about everything I feel or don't feel and about how sick I am and what every twinge could mean."

"You're scared, honey and I would be scared for you if you weren't." She squeezed Brenda's hand again. "And even with all that, look at you. You're here and you just shared the joy of your heart. I think that's pretty damned incredible. Lois hugged Brenda again. "And we're all going to be here to try to help you and Jax any way we can."

The tears began flowing from both of them and Brenda finally moved from Lois's hold and caught her breath. "Okay, I need to pull myself together before it looks like a waterfall in here. I'm going to go up the back stairs and do that and then check on the girls before Jax and Ned get here."

Lois shook her head and then smiled through her tears at Anthony who had been completely captivated by the scene before him. "Okay honey. I'll pull myself together down here."

Brenda reached the door leading out of the den and turned around. "Lois, go ahead and tell Gloria and Carmine." Her voice then filled with emotion again. "And if either of them have any spare beads on their rosaries for some special intentions...."

Lois nodded. "We all will."

Lois watched until Brenda disappeared down the hallway. As if he could read her mother's needs perfectly, Anthony stood up and teetered over to the couch. He called out "Mama" as he held out his arms to Lois. Lois lifted him into her arms and she hugged him tightly as tears streamed down her face. Lady began barking outside and Anthony began squealing and Lois finally put him down on the floor.

Anthony walked over to the french doors and looked outside just as the front door opened. He began loudly squealing as Lady appeared on the terrace. Lois was wiping away her tears when Jax entered the den.

"Lois, what's wrong?"

Lois shook her head. "I was."

Jax stepped further into the room. "How so?"

Lois smiled as she spoke. "Five years ago when I told you that with a little nurturing Brenda could blossom into something spectacular, I was wrong. That description doesn't even begin to do her justice."

His face radiated the pure joy he felt in his heart. "She told you?"

Lois nodded. "Yes." She walked over and hugged him. "Congratulations. I am going to be keeping you all in my thoughts."

"Thank you." Jax took a step away from her. "Is she all right?"

Lois smiled at him. "She's extraordinary."

Jax's eyes reflected the depth of his love for Brenda. "That and more."

A few moments later, they heard Brenda's voice in the foyer talking with Corrine and Lois picked up Anthony. "I think now is a good time for a diaper change." She turned to Jax as she headed toward the hall. "We will back later."

After passing Lois in the hall, Brenda walked into the den. Jax was standing in the center of the room with his arms extended out to her. As soon as she saw him, Brenda immediately held her arms out to Jax and ran into his embrace. She closed her eyes as her head rested over his steadily beating heart. Jax leaned his cheek against the top of her head and whispered to her. "I love you my brave, beautiful Brenda."

Brenda whispered to him in return. "And I love you Jax for making me that way."

Tuesday, July 24, 2001

J & J Jacks -- 1:00pm

Jax motioned Addie into the office as he finished his telephone call with Todd Hughes. The final stages of the shipping deal were being completed prior to the meeting this evening with the investors. Addie handed Jax the latest income projections for tonight's presentation.

"Thank you." Jax took a sip of his sparkling water. "Were you able to reach O'Brien to schedule the inspection of the storage facilities."

Addie stood in front of his desk. "Yes for Monday morning. He wanted to do it on Friday afternoon but I told him that you were unavailable."

Jax looked up at Addie. "Yes, I am. Monday morning will be fine. Thanks Addie."

Addie smiled at Jax as she moved toward the door. "You are welcome. Andrew and Alicia are in the conference room if you have any questions about the financials."

"I'll look them over one more time and we will need fifteen sets for tonight."

Addie nodded. "Diana has the rest of the enclosures prepared so when you give me the word, she will add the projections."

He flashed her a big grin. "Sounds like a plan. I'll let you know."

Addie left his office and Jax then glanced down at the calendar and organizer on his laptop. He had arranged for Friday to be completely clear so that he could spend the entire day with Brenda. The ultrasound was scheduled for that afternoon at General Hospital and it was going to be a stressful day for both of them. Brenda's anxiety was all ready in overdrive and she had tossed and turned all night. Her back was also bothering her and spending half the morning being sick in the bathroom had not helped that situation. Jax knew the next few days were not going to be easy for either of them.

Jax looked over the cost projections and compared them to last week's analysis before the costs for the dredging of the harbor had been modified. He was satisfied but wanted to get Jerry's feedback before giving the projections a final approval. As Jax reached for the intercom button to buzz him, Jerry appeared in the doorway. Jerry entered the office and sat in the leather chair positioned in front of Jax's desk.

Jax threw his report onto the desk. "I was just going to call you to see what you thought about this latest analysis?"

He looked at Jax smugly. "Does this mean we have some sort of telepathic communication thing going again?"

Jax shook his head. "Oh you mean like when we were kids and I used to be able to find you wherever you tried to go underground?"

Jerry rolled his eyes at Jax. "Hey, you were a kid, I was a teenager just looking for some free time away from your pestering."

Jax snickered. "I see. And getting away from me always had to include helping a lost member of the cheerleading squad find her way back to civilization?"

He shrugged his broad shoulders. "Little brother, it wasn't my fault. The girls could never control themselves around me."

Jax laughed harder. "Oh, that answers that then. I always wondered why they were always running in the opposite direction of you."

Jerry cleared his throat and then glared at Jax. "Your so-called humor is about as welcome as the plague."

"There's a lot more where that came from." Jax's eyes twinkled as he spoke. "But for now, tell me what you think of these projections."

Jerry looked directly at Jax. "They look good to me. I think everyone will be satisfied."

Jax nodded in agreement. "Good, then we are set."

As Jax buzzed Addie to inform her that the projections had been finalized for inclusion in the presentation packages, Jerry looked over Jax's shoulder at the wall behind the desk. There was a new masterpiece which had been added to the art collection. This one definitely displayed Jillian's fondness for pink.

Jax finished speaking to Addie and saw Jerry looking at the picture. "Would you like an explanation of the artistry? It is quite ingenious."

Jerry's mouth involuntarily curved into a smile. "Yes, I want to be able to tell the press about her early work when Jillian has her first gallery opening."

Jax swiveled his chair and then pointed to the large pink circle with a long line leading to it and the smaller one next to it. "This is Jillian and Victoria in the ceremonial robes from Hong Kong." He then moved is finger to the tan blob and the white spot next to it. "And this is Lady and Snowflake."

Jerry chuckled. "Where are you and Brenda?"

His whole face lit up when he smiled. "That is the brilliant part. We are not in the drawing because Brenda and I are taking a picture of Jillian, Victoria, Lady and Snowflake standing together for the Angel room wall."

Jerry threw his head back as he laughed. "So Jillian is drawing a picture of what the photograph would look like. Very clever." He shook his head as he smiled. "Thank God she inherited her mother's intellect and not yours."

Jax looked over his shoulder at the display of crayon and magic marker masterpieces and beamed. He then turned around to face Jerry. "All I am concerned about is that Jillian is intelligent enough to know to stay clear of any man like you when she gets older."

Jerry's smile quickly faded as he nodded in agreement. "That is for certain. I would be of no help to her."

Jax took a deep breath as he saw the sorrowful look in Jerry's turquoise eyes. The sadness had become a constant of late on Jerry's face. "I know how worried about Julia you are."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't know what to do. She is scaring the hell out of me."

"I know this was a lousy time for her to have to go to Boston on the Dulaney deal. I wish I could have avoided it."

Jerry motioned his hand toward Jax. "Please don't worry about that. Julia would have jumped at the chance to go anywhere at this point. It was only for two days and she'll be back this evening."

He took a deep breath. "Does she sound any better to you?"

Jerry shook his head. "Julia still insists that there is no reason for her to see anyone professionally. She thinks Brenda and I are completely overreacting and trying to smother her."

Jax sighed softly. "I know and I'm sorry. Unfortunately I was in the same position with Brenda and it is pure torture."

"I know and I see what the two of you have now." Jerry swallowed the lump in his throat. "But even in the worst of times with Brenda, both of you had Jillian to focus on. There was still such a bond between you. Julia and I don't have that."

Jax spoke in a comforting tone. "Jerry, you have each other and believe me that matters."

Jerry rubbed his temples. "Will that be enough especially coupled with the fact that this Asian situation is not going to end for months and there will be traveling on both of our parts between here and Hong Kong and wherever."

"We will all make the necessary adjustments." Jax took a sharp intake of air. "I think you both have to take everything one day at a time now.

His voice quaked. "I don't know what to think about anything right now."

Jax moistened his lips. "Jerry, if you ever need just to talk or a shoulder.."

He interrupted Jax's heartfelt offer and lowered his eyes. "I know.... Thank you."

Jax lightly tapped his fingers against the arm of the chair as he decided to change the subject. "Is everything still set for Mum and Dad to arrive tomorrow afternoon?"

Jerry nodded. "Yes, they are set. Dad wants to coordinate the plans for the management team for Asia."

Jax rested his chin against his hand. "I saw the dossier on Tei Ling Kwan. She seems to be an outstanding choice to head the team."

Jerry shrugged his shoulders in mock indifference. "Yes, if you like those aristocratic types with blue blood education and a list of credentials a mile long."

"I know, what a travesty!" Jax rolled his eyes. "And of course Mum says she is gorgeous which made Dad's interviews so distressful for him."

Jerry stroked his chin. "I bet he cleaned his glasses twice before she arrived. He is such a cad."

Jax laughed. "You had to get it from somewhere."

As Jerry waved his hand in disgust, Addie quickly entered the office. "Mr. Jacks, I'm sorry but there is a problem with Mrs. Jacks."

Jax looked up at Addie as he felt his heart in his throat. "What about Brenda?"

Addie spoke softly. "Lois Ashton just called and said that Mrs. Jacks collapsed and they are in the emergency room of General Hospital."

Jax was out of his chair before Addie even finished her statement. "Did she say where Jillian is?"

Jax's fingers were not functioning well and Addie helped Jax put on his jacket. "She is with Mrs. Sullivan at the house as scheduled for this afternoon and knows nothing about Mrs. Jacks' illness."

Jerry stood beside Jax. "Let me drive you over there."

Jax shook his head. "No, you stay for now and deal with the meeting." Jax was still talking as he hurried out of the door. "I'll call you."

Jerry exhaled deeply as he called out to Jax. "Tell Brenda we are thinking about her. I'll see you at GH later."

Jax raced out of the office and did not even bother to wait for the elevator. He took the steps three at a time as he made his way down the sixteen floors to the garage. His heart was beating so rapidly in fear that his ears were ringing. As Jax reached the garage all he could do was to hold onto the love in his heart. It would lead him to Brenda and to whatever they would have to face together.

General Hospital - 2:15pm

The emergency room at General Hospital was a flurry of activity as a result of a charter bus accident on the freeway just outside of town. Lois was pacing in the main corridor as Brenda was being examined by Dr. Green. A nurse had left the examining room a few minutes before and then sent orderly up to the lab. Dr. Meadows was in the hospital but was currently in the delivery room performing a cesarean. She had been alerted to the situation and was expected in the emergency room soon.

Lois looked at her watch as she prayed for Jax to arrive. She was still shaking from finding Brenda on the couch in the gate house. Lois had raced into the house to call the ambulance when she heard the sirens in the driveway. Brenda had been able to telephone for help before she had collapsed in pain. She had been in agony the entire ride to the hospital and was terrified. And Lois could not even begin to fathom what Brenda was going through now in an examining room with doctors and nurses and equipment all around her.

Dr. Green came out of the examining room with one of the nurses. Grace came through the door and walked over to Lois. "You're with Mrs Jacks, aren't you?"

Her words came out all at once. "Yes, how is she?"

"In a great deal of pain but we are trying to relieve that now." Grace spoke in a comforting tone. "She is asking for her husband."

"He's on his way." Lois took a deep breath. "Can I stay with her for now?"

Grace nodded. "Yes until her OB arrives. Please try to keep her as calm as possible."

Lois quickly headed to the last examining room. Brenda looked so small with the IVs and monitors surrounding her that it almost could have been Jillian in the bed.

Lois plastered a smile onto her face as she reached the bed. "Hey Bren."

There was a grimace on Brenda's tear-stained face as she shifted in pain. "I need Jax."

"Honey, he will be here in just a few minutes." She took Brenda's hand in hers and held it tightly.

Brenda choked on her sobs. "This can't be happening again."

Lois lowered her head so that her face was just inches from Brenda. "Hey, everyone is doing everything they can. Please try not to think like that."

"Oh God, it hurts." Brenda winced as she tried to catch her breath. "Please no...."

Lois grasped her hand even tighter. "Take a deep breath... that's it."

Brenda rested her head against the pillow murmuring Jax's name in between her cries of anguish. "I want Jax."

An instant later they heard Jax's voice in the hallway and he then appeared in the examining room. "Brenda!"

Lois released Brenda's hand and stepped away from the bed as Jax moved over to Brenda. "I'll be right outside."

Jax nodded as leaned over the bed to hug Brenda. "Sweetie, I'm here."

Brenda cried out in pain when she tried to move into his arms. "I'm so scared." Jax eased her back down onto the pillow as the tears streamed down her cheeks. "Jax, I'm sorry."

He placed both hands on Brenda's cheeks forcing her to look directly at him. "Stop! We don't even know what is going on here yet. I saw Dr. Green outside and he doesn't have any lab results yet."

Her hysteria increased. "Jax, this is the same room. There is that green brush stroke of paint on the ceiling tile in the corner." Brenda was so upset that the words were almost incomprehensible. "That paint spot... it's in my nightmares."

Jax laid his head next to hers and stroked the hair from Brenda's forehead. "Brenda, please don't do this to yourself." He kissed away the tears from her face. "Sweetie, you need to calm down."

They heard the rolling of wheels and turned to see the orderly and Grace bringing in the ultrasound equipment. Brenda felt her heart move to her throat at the sight of the machinery. The technician then followed and gave Brenda a reassuring smile. "Dr. Meadows is on her way and she wants to take a look while she is waiting for the lab results."

The lump grew in Brenda's throat and Jax held her hand between both of his. He spoke softly to her. "I'm right here."

Lynn Meadows then came into the examining room. "Brenda, are you in any less discomfort?"

Brenda shook her head and almost whispered. "No."

Lynn smiled as she nodded. "Okay, let's see what we can do about that." She turned to Jax. "As soon as I have finished examining her, I will have Grace come get you."

Jax kissed Brenda on the forehead and gave her the most comforting grin he could muster. "I'll be right outside." He then squeezed her hand one more time and slipped out the door.

The room was spinning but Jax managed to make his way to the corridor. Lois raced over to him and took his arm and led him to a chair. Jax collapsed into the seat and then his emotions rushed out like a geyser. "Please.... Not again."

Lois put her arm around Jax and pulled him toward her so that his head was resting against her shoulder. "I've been praying since I found her."

A few minutes later Jax lifted his head from Lois' shoulder. "Tell me what happened?"

She took a deep breath. "We were supposed to meet at the gate house this afternoon to work on the press kit and when I got there Brenda was on the couch writhing in pain. She knew something was wrong and had called 911 a few minutes before I arrived."

The expression on his face could only be described as the look of a tortured heart. "She was alone? Oh dear God."

Lois took his hand. "Jax, don't torment yourself. You're here now and the doctors are doing everything they can and that is all that matters."

He spoke through ragged breaths. "And she's in that nightmare of a room." At that moment in his mind, it was nineteen months ago in this same emergency room and his son was gone. Jax leaned his head back against the wall and covered his face with his hands. "God --- I hate this place -- so much."

"I know you do." Lois began weeping and she stroked Jax's hand with hers. "And both you and Brenda are terrified."

Jax shook his head in disbelief as he wiped away his tears. "She looked like a frightened little girl, as fragile as one of Jillian's porcelain dolls."

Lois gave him a weak smile. "Yes, and Brenda needs you just like you need her."

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly. "I can't even think about anything happening....."

"Then don't. Not now." Lois squeezed his shoulder. "They've had Brenda hooked up to the monitors all along and they'll find out what's happening."

Grace then walked through the doors and motioned for him to come back. Jax stood up and Lois squeezed his hand again. "Jax, I love you both and I'll be thinking about you every second."

"Thank you Lois." Jax gave her a small smile and took a deep breath before heading back to Brenda. He passed an orderly leaving the cubicle and when Jax entered the examining room, only Dr. Meadows and Brenda were there. The other nurse and the technician were gone. His stomach did flip-lops at the sight of the tears rolling down Brenda's face. She reached out her hand to Jax and he took it as he stood next to her.

Dr. Meadows smiled as she looked up from the lab results that the orderly had just delivered. "Okay, I have some news. Some of it's not the greatest news you will ever hear but it will do. Brenda, your symptoms are all the result of a kidney stone and a urinary tract infection."

Brenda brought her hands to her face as she started crying again. "So it's really not a problem with the baby?"

Dr. Meadows shook her head. "I know the pain feels very similar, but it is not the pregnancy."

Jax realized his hands were shaking slightly as he held Brenda's hand in his. "And the baby is unaffected?"

"The tests show no damage to the kidneys or any effect on the pregnancy at this point. We are going to wait for the stone to pass and keep a close eye on things for next twenty-four hours or so. I also have re-scheduled your abdominal ultrasound and other tests for tomorrow with the technician you were scheduled with on Friday. We will take care of everything since you are here and have both sets of results."

She murmured amidst her sobs. "Thank you God."

Jax brought Brenda's hand to his lips and kissed it before questioning Dr. Meadows. "And what is the course of treatment?"

"Besides an antibiotic for the infection, we are giving Brenda fluids intravenously in an attempt to have the stone pass within the next several hours. There will be some pain but we want to avoid any invasive procedure if at all possible. There is also a mild pain reliever being administered to lessen the discomfort and the antibiotic should take care of the fever."

A look of worry appeared on Brenda's face. "Are you sure that it won't harm the baby? I don't care about the pain."

Dr. Meadows nodded. "Yes, I'm sure."

Brenda blushed in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean ...."

She put up her hand to Brenda. "Perfectly understandable, don't give it another thought."

Jax reached down and stroked her pink cheek. "At least it put some color in those cheeks for the first time in days."

Dr. Meadows cleared her throat. "That brings me to some more news, Brenda your iron levels are down even more than a week ago so I am going to increase the dosage of the supplements."

Brenda grimaced in pain again but even that did not detract from the brightness in her eyes. Jax squeezed her hand. "Brenda, are you all right?"

She nodded. "Yes, the pain doesn't even matter now."

"I wish all my patients felt the same way." Dr. Meadows could not help but smile as Jax lowered his head and snuggled his nose against Brenda's cheek. "Dr. Green and I will be monitoring you until the stone passes and once you have, you'll be moved upstairs."

Brenda brushed away the tears from her eyes. "Is there anything else?"

Dr. Meadows nodded. "I want to take another quick look at the pelvic ultrasound now and then tomorrow the technician will do an entire work-up. I do have the last image on the ultrasound on the monitor and I wondered if you wanted to take a look as a sneak preview of tomorrow's show."

The answer involuntarily fell from Brenda's lips. "Yes." She turned to Jax. "Is that okay?"

He winked at Brenda. "That's more than okay."

"Okay, here we are then." Dr. Meadows turned the monitor toward them.

Jax sat on the edge of the bed and next to Brenda tightened her grip around his hand. She just stared at the screen for a moment and then leaned forward disregarding that agony it was causing her back. She looked at the screen and then at Dr. Meadows and then at the screen again.

Finally she found her voice but her inquiry was uttered in barely a whisper. "There's two of them?"

Jax's face brightened like a light bulb. "Twins?"

Dr. Meadows nodded as she took her pen and pointed to one image and then the other on the screen. "One, two."

Brenda collapsed against the pillow and winced in pain but the agony did not even register. Her mind was racing and her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest.

Jax looked down at her with a huge grin on his face and then turned to Dr. Meadows. "I think Brenda is speechless for the first time in her life."

"I see that." She turned the monitor as far as it could go so that Brenda could see it as easily as possible. "Dr. Green heard the second heartbeat on the Doppler when Brenda was admitted. In fact, he thought he had possibly heard a third."

Brenda choked as she spoke. "What?"

Jax chuckled as he rubbed Brenda's back. "Well that took care of the silence."

"I thought it might." Dr. Meadows laughed softly. "It's only two. The ultrasound clearly shows that."

Brenda was still murmuring in disbelief. "Two babies."

Jax interlocked his fingers with Brenda's as he spoke to Dr. Meadows. "What does all this mean for the pregnancy?"

"We have a lot to talk about but I think tomorrow will be soon enough. Tonight, we need to get that stone to pass and tomorrow we will deal with the rest." Dr. Meadows smiled at them both as she stepped away from the end of the bed. "I have another patient in labor upstairs but I've had Grace arrange for a room for you once the stone passes. I will check back a little later and Dr. Green will handle things until you are moved upstairs."

Brenda came out of her fog momentarily. "Thank you so much."

Jax responded in kind. "Thank you for everything."

"It is my pleasure." Dr. Meadows waved as she left the room.

"Oh Jax." The dam opened up and Brenda's tears came in a deluge.

"That's it, just let it out." Jax sat on the edge of the bed and took her into his arms. "Sweetie, I love you so much, you and these babies."

Brenda tightened her arms around Jax's neck. "I love you too." She then pulled back from the embrace and looked over at the monitor again. "They're real."

Jax kissed the side of her face as Brenda rested her head on his chest. "Yes, they're real and they're ours."

He held both of Brenda's hands in his as they sat there. In some ways she was even more terrified than ever but her heart was overflowing. Finally her tears were the result of joy rather than fear and anguish. Brenda's eyes glistened as she moved her gaze from the monitor for a few seconds and lifted her eyes to the ceiling tile in the corner. Maybe one day, the sight of a splash of green paint would bring her something other than nightmares.

General Hospital -- 8:00pm

After a few more excruciating hours, Brenda finally passed the kidney stone. Her condition had remained stable during the entire episode and the monitors showed the same for the twins. Dr. Green was confirming her admission to a room on the fourth floor. Dr. Meadows was in delivery again but would check on Brenda before leaving the hospital for the evening.

Lois had left the hospital earlier this evening after spending some time with Brenda while Jax called Maggie and his parents. Jax asked Maggie to pack a bag for Jillian to spend the night at the Ashtons. When she left GH, Lois was going to pick up Jillian from Maggie. When Jax spoke to his parents, he only told them that everything was fine. Since John and Jane were coming in town tomorrow, Jax wanted Brenda to tell his parents about the twins.

Jax also had spoken briefly to Jerry before the shipping meeting to let him know that Brenda was going to be fine. The news was going to be out now about the pregnancy and also the twins and Jax had decided that the news had to be delivered in person to Jerry. Jerry was going to come to the hospital after the meeting so Jax was going to tell him then. Julia would be back from Boston tonight as well and Jax wanted to tell Jerry before Julia arrived so she could hear the news from him rather than from someone else.

The orderlies came into the cubicle to move Brenda upstairs and she opened her eyes. She saw the clock on the wall and spoke to Jax. "It's Jillian's bedtime so why don't you go call her and tell her I love her."

Jax stroked her cheek with his hand. "Anything else?"

"Wish her sweet dreams for me." Brenda struggled to keep her eyes open as the events of the day had taken their toll on her. "I'm tired."

He brushed a curl from her face. "Get some rest sweetie."

Grace checked the IVs and spoke to Brenda. "Mrs. Jacks, try to sleep. You've had an exhausting day." Grace smiled as she looked at Jax. "All four of you have."

Brenda closed her eyes and whispered to Jax. "You can call Jillian and wait for Jerry and then come upstairs."

Grace nodded at Jax. "It will take a few minutes to get her settled into the room anyway. She will be in 416."

"All right, I'll go make the call." Jax leaned down and kissed Brenda on the forehead. "I'll see you upstairs shortly."

Grace motioned for the orderlies to move Brenda and Brenda lifted her hand in a small wave to Jax. "Bye."

He followed behind the gurney until it was backed into the elevator. Jax spoke just before the elevator doors began to close. "You take good care of her."

Brenda opened one eye and spoke to the orderly on her left. "Don't take it personally. He loves me and he's just a tad overprotective at times."

She waved again and Jax rolled his head as the elevator doors closed. Even after all these years, Brenda still had the ability to tug at his heartstrings or drive him crazy in any given second. Most of the time, she could accomplish both at the same time which was even more astounding. Jax shook his head and then walked outside to get some air and use the cell phone beyond the range of the equipment in the emergency room. Jax reached Ned and gave him the latest on Brenda and then Ned brought Jillian to the phone.

Jillian spoke in an animated voice. "Hi Daddy! Did the doctor make Mommy all better?"

"Hello princess!" He smiled at the sound of her voice. "Mommy is getting better but she needs to stay with the doctor tonight."

Jillian sighed deeply. "Can't you kiss it and make it feel all better?"

Jax smirked. "I'll see if that helps when I see her."

Jillian tapped her index finger against her cheek. "I will give Mommy some of my vitamins so she's not sick. She can even have Pebbles."

"Ooohhh, what a sweet girl you are." Jax was grinning brightly as he talked into the phone. "Sharing your favorite Pebbles vitamin with Mommy. I will tell her."

There was a trace of sadness in Jillian's voice. "Can I talk to her?"

Jax took a deep breath. "Mommy's sleeping just like you will be soon and she wanted me to wish you sweet dreams."

"Uncle Ned's gonna tuck me and Brooke in and read a new book." Jillian giggled. "You can tuck Mommy in."

"I will do that." Jax smiled again. "I love you Jillian and so does Mommy."

"Love you Daddy and Mommy too."

He nodded. "Okay, well it is time to say good night."

Jillian held the phone tightly to her mouth. "Nite-Nite Daddy and tell Mommy nite-nite too but whisper so you don't wake her up."

"Okay princess, I'll whisper to her. I promise." Jax exhaled slowly. "Good night Jillian. Sweet dreams princess."

Jax hit the power button and closed the phone. He leaned against the stone wall bordering the rose bushes and looked up at the sky. The night sky was dotted with stars already and the moon was just one day from being full. He closed his eyes for a moment trying to get a short respite from today's rollercoaster ride of emotions. Jax knew they would have months of these tumultuous days ahead but at this moment, he only wanted to concentrate on the joy in his heart he felt at the sight of those two miracles on the ultrasound. In his mind, he could almost feel them in his arms and see the falling snow from his dream.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. It was the late July evening again and the fragrance of roses drifted through the air. Jax started to get up when he heard Jerry's voice from the sidewalk. Jerry hurried over to him. "Hey, how is she?"

Jax smiled. "Good. As soon as the stone passed, she had instant relief from the pain and her fever is down."

"Can you get her out of this jail now?" Jerry patted Jax on the shoulder.

Jax shook his head. "No, they just moved her upstairs for the night. The doctor wants to run some more tests in the morning and keep an eye on her."

"I just got a message from Sally that Julia is coming right from the airport." Jerry looked at his watch. "The plane was due to land fifteen minutes ago."

Jax let out a ragged sigh. "Jerry, I need to talk to you about Brenda before Julia gets here."

A mixture of worry and confusion appeared on Jerry's face as he sat atop the stone wall next to Jax. "What about Brenda? Did they find another problem?"

"No, there is nothing wrong." Jax hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Part of the reason for the concern and the current monitoring of Brenda's condition is because of another factor..... She's pregnant Jerry."

It took a moment for him to respond. "Pregnant?... Oh, I see." Jerry sighed heavily. "And Julia...."

Jax moistened his lips. "Brenda is very concerned about her. Now the news of the pregnancy will be out and we don't want Julia to hear about it when she walks inside. Brenda is on the obstetrical floor."

Jerry roughly shoved his fingers through his hair. "I'll have to get to her first." He then swallowed hard and turned to Jax. "I'm sorry, I haven't even congratulated you." Congratulations."

"Thanks." Jax cleared his throat. "There's something else."

Jerry tried to read Jax's expression. "What? There's not a problem with the baby is there?"

Jax shook his head and a smiled formed on his lips. "No, so far so good. But we did find out this afternoon that it's twins."

"Twins?" Jerry's face reflected a look of shock.

He nodded. "Yes, it was a complete surprise."

Jerry battled to find his voice. "Then I guess double congratulations are in order."

"Thank you again." Jax swallowed the lump in his throat. "Jerry, I know this is not going to be easy...."

Jerry raised his hand to interrupt Jax. "Don't. You have too many other things to be concerned about with Brenda upstairs. Don't waste your energy worrying about anything else." He looked directly at Jax. "Now, don't you think your wife is wondering where you are?"

"Jerry." Jax sighed softly.

Jerry shook his head. "I mean it. Now go to Brenda and leave Julia to me."

He got up and turned to Jerry. "If that's what you want for now I will do it."

"Just get upstairs before Brenda has your head." Jerry motioned toward the door.

Jax gave him a smile. "I hope she's sleeping so you and Julia do what you need to do. I'll tell her you were here."

Jerry nodded. "Okay. Give her our love and I will talk to you tomorrow."

He watched as Jax walked back into the hospital and then Jerry put his head in his hands. He was terrified of what this news was going to do to Julia and a part of him ached in envy of his younger brother. The anguish surprised Jerry. It was almost as intense as the torment he felt when he saw Julia in agony.

Jerry waited and fifteen minutes later, the car pulled up to the hospital entrance and the driver opened the door for Julia. Jerry stood up and met her half way down the walk-way. "Hey kiddo."

The sound of Julia's heels clipped along the pavement. "Jerry, what's happening with Brenda?"

Jerry took her hand to lead her to the benches along the wall. "Let's sit down over here for a minute."

"Why?" Julia's whole body tensed. "Oh God, what's wrong?"

Jerry squeezed her hand. "There's nothing wrong. Like I told you, Brenda had a kidney stone but it has been taken care of and she is resting comfortably now."

Julia made a move to stand up. "Then I want to go and see her."

He cleared his throat. "I just saw Jax fifteen minutes ago and he said that Brenda is sleeping and that he would tell her we were here. Let's go home."

She gave him a bewildered look. "Jerry, I want to see my sister. I am not going to wake her up, I just want to be sure that she is all right."

His mouth felt drier than the Sahara Desert. "Julia, wait."

Julia saw the look in his eyes and felt her stomach tighten. "What's wrong? You're not telling me something."

Jerry brushed away a loose strand of hair from her shoulder. "Julia, there's nothing wrong but you do need to know something about Brenda. She's pregnant."

Her response was barely audible. "What?"

He stroked Julia's cheek. "Brenda is pregnant and the tests today showed that she is carrying twins."

Julia had no reaction as she sat almost motionless next to him. Jerry rubbed her hand between both of his. She finally murmured out loud. "Two babies?"

Jerry squeezed her hand. "Yes, and right now everyone is fine."

Julia looked as though she were a million miles away when the words fell from her lips in a tone just above a whisper. "Good, she's supposed to be a mother."

He felt as though a stake had been driven straight through his heart. "Sweetheart, let's go home. We'll take the limo and I'll get my car in the morning."

Julia was still having problems focusing. "But Brenda?"

Jerry motioned for the driver and then helped Julia to her feet. "Brenda is sleeping so we will see her later. Jax is with her now." She leaned against him as they headed toward the car. "That's it kiddo. We'll be home soon."

As the moonlight surrounded them, Jerry saw the tears creeping from the corners of Julia's eyes as she slid into the car. It was going to be another long night for both of them.

Meanwhile inside the hospital on the fourth floor, a stream of moonlight was gleaming on the bed in room 416. The curtains at the window were only partially drawn because Brenda wanted to see the moon. Dr. Meadows had taken one more look at Brenda a few minutes before and found nothing to cause her any concern. She had said good night to both Jax and Brenda and told them that she would see them in the morning.

Following Jillian's suggestion from earlier this evening, Jax tucked the blanket around Brenda as she drifted off to sleep. The moonlight radiated from her face making Brenda look like an angel atop a Christmas tree. Jax pulled the chair up to the bed and sat down as he held her hand. He then fulfilled the other promise he had made to Jillian that evening and whispered good night wishes. "Jillian says nite-nite Mommy." Jax then lifted his left hand to gently rest on Brenda's stomach. "And nite-nite Mommy from our two newest miracles as well."

Wednesday, July 25, 2001

The Barrett/Jacks Penthouse -- 6:45am

Jerry awoke and heard the sound of the hair dryer being used in the bathroom. He turned over to look at the clock and then buried his head into the pillow. Jerry had not fallen asleep until after 4:00am and he knew that Julia had not had much more sleep than he had. She had tossed and turned all night once she had finally come to bed.

Julia had not spoken a word on the way home from the hospital last night. Once she and Jerry had returned to the penthouse, Julia had asked Jerry a few questions about Brenda to again confirm that Brenda and the twins were all right. At midnight, Julia had called the fourth floor nurses' station and learned that Brenda was resting comfortably. The nurse had also told Julia that Jax was spending the night in a chair in Brenda's room.

Except for her inquiries about Brenda, Julia had barely spoken another word last night. She had seemed very unsettled and Jerry had given her some time alone. When her restlessness and agitation had caused Julia to toss and turn in bed, Jerry had finally pressed her. He had asked Julia to please talk to him but she had told Jerry that she was worried about Brenda and that she didn't want to discuss anything else. Jerry had watched Julia's fitful sleep until well into the wee morning hours and his heart stung at her torment. But when sleep finally overtook him, Jerry still had no idea on how to help her.

Jerry heard the hair dryer being shut off and he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened and Julia walked out in her slip and stockings. Jerry propped himself up in bed. "Good morning kiddo."

Julia gave him a weak smile. "Morning."

He sat up. "Are you all right?"

She let out a ragged sigh. "I will be once I know Brenda is all right."

Jerry took a deep breath. "Julia, I understand that but I am talking about you."

Julia walked over to the closet and pulled out an ivory silk blouse. "Did Jax say what time that Brenda's tests were being run this morning?"

"No, he didn't." Jerry cleared his throat. "Now what about you?"

She chose to ignore his inquiry again. "At least Brenda will have some help since your parents will be here this afternoon."

Jerry got out of the bed. "Jax is going to see to it that Brenda has whatever she needs."

Julia pulled on her linen skirt. "You're right, he will."

"Let me help you with what you need." He ran his hands down her arms. "Talk to me, Julia. Please."

She bit her bottom lip. Jerry, I told you last night that I don't want to discuss this right now."

His voice became raised. "What the hell am I supposed to do then? I am not going to sit around here and watch you destroy yourself."

Julia took a step away from him. "I don't want to destroy you and that's why I have to do this."

"What are you talking about?" Jerry's face displayed a puzzled expression.

Her eyes were almost pleading as she spoke. "I need to do this and you have to understand. And I hope Brenda will at some point."

Jerry rubbed his throbbing temples. "We have barely slept and you are making no sense to me." He then looked on the dresser and saw one of Julia's monogrammed envelopes with Brenda's name written on the front of it. Jerry picked up the letter. "What is this?"

She swallowed the lump which was growing in her throat. "I need you to be sure Brenda gets it."

Jerry felt his jaw tightening as the situation was getting more and more exasperating. "Julia, I don't understand this. You will see Brenda..." He stopped in mid-sentence when he noticed the two large pieces of luggage sitting by the door. "What the hell is going on?"

Julia took a deep breath. "I'm heading to the office now to tie up some things and then I am leaving for London this evening."

"You're what?" His teeth were clenched as he spoke.

Her eyes lowered as she responded. "I'm going to London to deal with Barrett and the Burlington merger."

The edge in his voice increased. "Why? Hopkins is running the show over there and you took care of signing off on everything two weeks ago."

"Some problems have come up." Julia still refused to look directly at Jerry.

Jerry shook his head and snapped at her. "That is pure bull and you damn well know it. You don't need to be there at all."

She looked at him now and her tone matched his. "Don't you dare tell me how to run a company."

"Then don't you dare give me a bull shit excuse about this trip. Julia, you are running away." Jerry's hands were both clenched in tight fists.

Julia put on her suit jacket and stepped into her shoes. "I am not going to stand here and listen to this."

"You sure as hell are." Jerry grabbed her arm.

"Let go of me." She was seething.

"No!" He gripped both of Julia's upper arms and forced her to stand in front of him. "Not until you tell me why you are doing this."

Now it was her turn to speak through clenched teeth. "I told you, I am dealing with this merger and I'll be gone a week to ten days. If you can't deal with that, that is your problem."

"Would you just listen to yourself?" Jerry freed her from his grasp. "When did things stop being our problems and start becoming yours or mine. That says a lot for this relationship, doesn't it?"

Julia sighed deeply. "Jerry, I have to do this and I hoped you would understand."

"I don't understand. Why are you doing this?" Jerry's voice was filled with emotion. "Don't you see you're running away. And in doing so, you're running away from me, from us."

She spoke in an almost whisper. "I'm sorry that you see it that way."

Jerry shook his head. "I see it that way because that's what it is. You need some help Julia. We need some help and this is not the answer."

Julia looked at him with sorrowful eyes. "It's the only answer for me right now."

"Julia, I have never pleaded for anything in my life but I am doing that now." His expression was one of complete torment. "Please don't go."

A tear rolled down her cheek. "I have to go."

Jerry felt every muscle in his body tense up. "God damn it Julia, don't do this."

Julia walked toward the door. "I'm sorry." She picked up her suitcases. "I really am."

Jerry watched her walk out the bedroom door and disappear down the hallway. He wanted to scream and a feeling on anger built up in side him. The top of the dresser became his designated victim as he knocked off all of its contents with one sweep of his right arm. Perfume bottles and jewelry boxes crashed to the floor. The sound of the shattering of glass pulled him from his momentary fit of rage. He realized that he had never felt so alone in his life. Jerry then sat on the bed and looked at the broken pieces of glass at his feet. At that moment, they may as well have been pieces of his shattered heart.

The Jacks Residence -- 3:30pm

After a morning of tests and another examination by Dr. Meadows an hour ago, Brenda had been cleared for her release from the hospital. Brenda's fever had broken overnight and she was showing no lasting effects from the kidney stone. The abdominal ultrasound has been performed so that Dr. Meadows now had the results of both tests to use to monitor Brenda's progress through the pregnancy.

During the ultrasound, Jax and Brenda had seen movement from both of the babies and Dr. Meadows had assured them that everything looked normal for a pregnancy just entering its second trimester. Each baby was not much bigger than the size of Brenda's fist but a hand was clearly recognizable on one twin and a foot was visible on the other. They had a picture from today's ultrasound to take home with them so they could show John and Jane the news as well as tell them.

Jerry had called Jax this morning and let him know that everything was taken care of at the office so that he should just concentrate on Brenda. He had also told Jax that Julia was leaving for London this evening to deal with a merger for Barrett Industries. Jax had immediately suspected from Jerry's tone that something was amiss but he did not press Jerry. Jerry told Jax that he would stop by the house tonight to see Brenda.

John and Jane had arrived in town three hours ago and they had picked up Jillian from Lois and brought her to the house. Jillian had awakened from her nap a little while ago and Jane had told her that her Mommy would be home very soon. They were finishing a card for Brenda at the kitchen table while John was speaking to Addie on the phone making the final arrangements for Tei Ling Kwan's arrival in Port Charles later today.

Jillian put down her red magic marker. "All done. Mommy has red lipstick."

Jane looked down at the piece of construction paper. "Yes, your Mommy likes to wear red lipstick."

"Daddy doesn't." Jillian shook her head. "He didn't want me to draw it on him."

Jane grinned as she remembered Brenda's mirth on the phone when she was relaying the story to Jane. "I heard about the lipstick you put on Daddy and the perfume you sprayed on him."

"He looked pretty." Jillian then sighed. "But Mommy said no more lipstick or perfume from her purse or dresser."

Jane took a sip of her tea. "Yes, that is just another rule to remember."

Jillian loudly exhaled. "Grandma, there's lots of rules."

Jane laughed as she tickled Jillian under the chin. "Yes there are but I know how good you are at remembering them."

Jillian smiled. "Yes, I'm a good girl so Santa Claus will come down the chimney with lots of presents."

John walked into the kitchen. "Who's a good girl for Santa Claus?"

Jillian pointed to herself. "Me."

John chuckled. "We have a long time to go before Santa Claus so you still need to be a good girl."

"I be good." She smiled. "Mommy says I go to school and have my birthday before Santa's here."

Jane nodded. "Yes, school is not that far away and then your birthday comes."

Jillian clapped her hands together. "And presents for me."

"Yes, presents for you," John said as he tweaked her nose.

Lady began barking in the yard and Jillian's eyes widened. "Mommy and Daddy are home."

John helped Jillian from the chair. "Now remember Mommy is very tired."

Jillian nodded and then scampered toward the kitchen door. "I forgot." She then ran back to the table for the card. "I have to give Mommy her card."

Jane took Jillian's hand. "Let's give Mommy and Daddy a chance to come inside. We'll wait for them at the door."

A minute later, the front door opened and Jax came into the house with Brenda in his arms. Jillian squealed. "Mommy."

Brenda flashed her a huge grin. "Hello sweetheart, I missed you so much." She then turned to John and Jane. "Hello. Thanks for looking after Jillian."

John waved her off. "Not a problem, she's been a gem. She definitely didn't inherit that trait from her father."

"I'm just glad you are feeling better dear." Jane's eyes sparkled just like Jax's did.

Jillian walked up to Jax. "Daddy, why are you carrying Mommy?" She gave him a bewildered look.

Jax smiled at Jillian. "Because Mommy's tired so I thought she could use a little ride."

Jillian giggled. "Mommy, now you're tall like Daddy." Jillian's expression then became more serious. "Do you have to take a nap now?"

Brenda shook her head at Jillian. "No, I want to spend some time with my special girl." She turned to Jax. "Daddy, let's finish this ride in the den."

Jax carried Brenda into the den and gently put her down on the couch. "Are you okay?"

She squeezed his hand. "I'm fine."

Jillian scurried over to Brenda. "Mommy, here is a card for you to get all better."

Brenda took the card. "Jillian, it's beautiful." She rubbed Jillian's arm. "Thank you so much."

"There's you with lollipops like Dr. Simone gives me when I'm sick." Jillian smiled as she pointed at the paper. "And me and Lady and Daddy and Snowflake."

"I see them and you did such a good job." Brenda fingered Jillian's soft curls.

Jillian pointed at the card again. "Ooohhh, and there's Jamie's tree so you can talk to the sky." She beamed at Brenda. "Does it look pretty?"

Brenda nodded as she pulled Jillian into a hug. "It's perfect sweetheart."

Jax smiled at Brenda and then looked at Jillian. "I want to go upstairs and get Mommy's pillows, does someone want to help?"

Jillian moved her hands in the air. "I do... I wanna carry one."

Jax held out his hand to Jillian. "Okay, let's go" Jillian raced over to him and Jax swooped her up in his strong arms. "And I'll give you a ride this time."

Jillian giggled and waved at Brenda. "Mommy, I'm getting your pillows."

"Thanks Jillian." Brenda waved back at Jillian as Jax carried her out of the den.

Jane sat down in the chair next to couch. "How are you, dear?"

"Still a little shaky." Brenda took a deep breath. "It was so scary."

"I know." Jane grasped her hand. "I understand from Jax you heard the heartbeat and had your ultrasound today. Did that give you any reassurance?"

A smile formed on Brenda's face. "Yes, the ultrasound was quite enlightening."

John stroked his beard. "So tell me, is my grandchild gorgeous like its mother or did it inherit its father's homeliness?"

Jane turned to Brenda. "John is just asking because he's still waiting for someone to enter this family that he can win a beauty contest against." She shook her head. "I keep telling him it will never happen."

"Don't listen to her Brenda." John waved off Jane's statements. "I never do."

"I see things have not changed between you two," Jax said as he came into the den with two pillows.

Jane shook her head. "Why should they be after more than forty years."

Brenda smiled at Jax as he put the pillows behind her head. "Where is Jillian?"

Jax smirked. "She decided that you were hungry for some cookies and lemonade so she is in the kitchen helping Josee."

Brenda laughed softly. "I guess this also means that Jillian is hungry for them as well."

"I think that's a pretty good bet." Jax then leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips before sitting at the end of the couch with Brenda's legs in his lap.

Brenda extended her hand to Jax. "Honey, your parents were just asking about the ultrasound."

Jax grinned at her. "Did you tell them about it?"

"Not yet," Brenda said as she shook her head.

"Tell us what?" Jane asked with a puzzled expression on her face.

Brenda exchanged a look with Jax and then turned to Jane. "We have some news and Jax has a picture from the ultrasound."

John was anxious. "Well, are you going to tell us or do we have to read about it in the newspaper?"

"Well, you do read the newspaper Dad." Jax teased.

John rolled his eyes at Jax and Brenda laughed. "Okay, we won't make you wait until tomorrow's paper." She then looked in the doorway to make sure that Jillian was not present. "You asked about the baby's heartbeat and appearance. Which one of the two babies were you referring to?"

Jane gasped softly. "Oh good heavens, you're expecting twins?"

Brenda nodded and smiled as Jax handed Jane the picture from the ultrasound.

John clapped his hands together. "Well, this is the best news I've heard since Microsoft dropped 150 points." He laughed. "No, this is even better."

"Oh, look at the two of them." Jane whispered as she looked at the picture. "Come here John."

He walked over to Jane's chair and looked at the picture. "They must be the best looking twins I have ever seen."

Jax chuckled. "How many times have you ever seen twin marsupials?"

Brenda lifted her right eyebrow. "Stop saying that, they do not look like kangaroos."

He continued to tease her. "They could be joeys from that photo."

"Jax, stop." Brenda glared at him.

Jax's eyes danced as he goaded her. "There is nothing wrong with kangaroos, they run fast, can box, can gather their own food......"

Brenda kicked him. "I told you to stop this at the hospital."

"I know, we can call them Joey A Jacks and Joey B Jacks." Jax tried to stifle his laughter.

John could not resist even though Jane scowled at him. "That has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

Jane elbowed John. "Stay out of this."

Brenda slugged Jax with a throw pillow. "Enough."

"Let's go John." Jane stood up and took John's hand. "We need to go upstairs and get dressed to meet Tei Ling."

Brenda smirked and rubbed her hands together. "Now there will be no witnesses."

"Punish the scoundrel." Jane leaned over and kissed Brenda's cheek. "Congratulations dear." She reached over and touched Jax's knee. "You too."

John nodded. "My sentiments as well." He and Jane then left the den.

Jax laughed as he looked at the glare on Brenda's face. "I'm sorry sweetie but you are carrying the joeys in that pouch."

Brenda's eyes became a shade darker. "You are in for it now." Then the pillow barrage began.

Jax was choking on his laughter as she swatted him with both of the throw pillows. "You are not going to talk about our babies like that. They are going to be beautiful, they're going to....." Brenda suddenly stopped talking and then lowered the pillow.

Jax spoke softly to her as he reached out and touched her cheek. "They're going to what?"

Brenda let out a ragged sigh and Jax smiled at her. He then re-arranged her pillows and then eased her back against the arm of the sofa. "Okay, do you feel better now?"

She sighed. "You think you're pretty smart, don't you?"

He flashed her a lopsided grin. "What ever do you mean?"

Brenda took a deep breath. "You have been baiting me every since I told you how terrified I am that we won't be bringing these babies home."

Jax squeezed her hand. "We're both scared. I just don't want it to be all we are."

"I'll try." Brenda kissed Jax's hand and smiled. "I love you so much."

Jax winked at her. "Right back at ya."

Footsteps approached the den and Josee and Jillian walked into the room. Josee was carrying a tray and Jillian was munching on a chocolate chip cookie. Brenda looked up. "There you are."

Jillian giggled. "I tasted the cookies to see if they were done." She took another bite. "Mommy, you'll like 'em."

Jax chuckled as he took the tray from Josee. "I am sure Mommy will since they have been tasted by the princess of cookies."

Brenda took a cinnamon cookie from the tray. "Thanks Jillian for sampling all the cookies for me."

Jillian climbed up on the couch and sat on Jax's lap eating her cookie. "Now we can all be together."

Jax held one arm around Jillian's lap and took Brenda's hand with the other. Brenda smiled at him as she moved their hands to her stomach. "Yes, Jillian we are all together now."

An hour later, Jax had helped Brenda upstairs and he and Jillian were keeping her company in the bedroom. Jane was finishing getting dressed for their dinner with Tei Ling and John was downstairs waiting for Tei Ling to arrive from the airport. They were going to go to dinner and then drop Tei Ling off at the Port Charles Hotel.

John looked out the window and saw the limo approaching and went upstairs to get Jane. The limo pulled up to the house and Virgil got out to show Tei Ling to the door. Jerry drove up immediately behind the limo and he jumped out of the Ferrari and waved as Virgil opened the car door for Tei Ling.

Virgil extended his hand to her. "Mrs. Kwan, here we are. Mr. and Mrs. Jacks are waiting for you inside."

Tei Ling turned around to thank Virgil and caught sight of Jerry approaching the limo. She took a deep breath before she spoke. "Hello Jerry."

Jerry did a double take at the sound of her voice. His eyes locked gazes with her ebony eyes. Those eyes were still the darkest eyes he had ever seen. When he finally spoke, his voice was not much above a whisper. "Teddi?"

To be continued