by Becky F
Again guys sorry this has taken so long, I'm still working with this Mickey Mouse computer so it won't be on my page for a while. Sorry for any inconsistencies in the story, the original copy is on my computer that doesn't work. Without further ado, here ya go, let me know what you think.
Becky
Chapter 12
Brenda woke with a start not realizing at first where she was, when she did
a new calm
came over her, she was in Malibu, Jax was with her and she was safe, unlike
in the
nightmare she had just awoken from. Her heart was pounding, in her nightmare
the child
she was carrying was Sonny's, she was locked in the penthouse for her own
protection
once again, but someone had gotten inside, she'd been shot and lost her child.
Thank god
things had turned out the way they had, she truly was blessed and so was
this baby, she
smiled to herself as she thought about Jax, the one person she loved more
than life itself,
she couldn't imagine a life without him in some capacity, her thoughts were
interrupted by
the ringing of the phone, maybe it was about her morning surprise for Jax.
"Hello?" She had been wrong, it was Julia and she sounded panicked. "Brenda,
I'm sorry
I know you need the rest and I know you and Jax need some time together,
but I need you to
leave for London right away, I'd go myself but Jerry is up to something,
the insufferable
jerk is always up to something and I think I better stay here and see what
it is." Brenda
cringed at the thought of leaving Jax right now, she finally felt safe and
loved again and so
at peace here, she never wanted to leave this place, but duty called and
something told her
Jax needed some time alone anyway. "Allright, I'll go as soon as I can, let
me write a
quick letter to Jax and get my surprise for him in order, and I'll leave
for the airport, but
you owe me big time for this, and Julia, why is it you are so interested
in what Jerry is up
to?" "I'm not interested in anything that pompous ass is doing, I'm just
trying to protect our
interests." Brenda smiled, she had been right Julia was in love with Jerry
Jacks, she could
hear it in her voice, she knew they had had a previous relationship but she
had no idea
Julia was in love with the man. "Ok, big sister, whatever you say, I'll call
you tonight and
let you know how London goes, you be sure and keep a close eye on Jerry now."
she
laughed. "Brenda, what on earth are you implying, if you think I've got feelings
for that man
you are crazy." "Well call me crazy then, I'll see you soon Julia."
Brenda hung up the phone and made her way down the hall, Jax had left his
door open and
she entered the room just to look at him, it had been so long since she'd
watched him sleep,
so much had happened in the last 6 months, he looked like a vulnerable little
boy when he
slept, she wondered what he was thinking, what he was dreaming about, and
most of all
what he was feeling right now. She brushed a stray piece of hair from his
beautiful
forehead and resisted the urge to crawl into bed with him, lay her head on
his chest and fall
asleep to the sound of his heartbeat, she wanted him so badly right then
it took every ounce
of strength she had not to, she needed to be loved by him, to feel that
connection that only
the two of them shared. The tears began to fall down her face and she remembered
how
scared he had looked last night when they'd come so close to sharing that
connection once
again. She hated herself for being the cause of the pain, confusion and distrust
she had seen
in his eyes. In one fleeting stupid moment she had taken everything that
was sacred
between them, their trust, their love and she'd ruined it all. She knew he'd
always be a
father to their child but she couldn't help but be selfish and want everything
that went with
that, she wanted everything back, everything that had been taken from them,
she wanted her
best friend, her lover, and yes she wanted to be his wife, she wanted their
child to be
raised in a loving home, with loving parents who loved each other, all the
things she had
never had. No matter how much she wanted all that though, the most important
thing was
Jax's happiness and she would never sacrifice that for anything, especially
her own
selfishness, after all that's why she was standing there watching him sleep
instead of
sleeping with him. So close yet so far, they were worlds apart, and the only
thing she
could hope for was that somehow, some way they could find their way back
to what they
were to each other, find some way to put this behind them and move on. She
paused at the
door and blew him a quiet kiss from the doorway as she whispered, "I love
you Jax, please
know that." She felt an eerie chill go up her spine as she remembered she
had done the
same thing when she left him months ago, she dismissed the thought however
knowing she
would never leave him willingly ever again, she smiled at him one last time
and whispered
"Till death do us part." She stopped dead in her tracks and she realized
she had felt the
baby kick for the first time, not just a flutter this time but a real kick,
she wanted to run back
to the room, wake Jax up and share it with him, she could already see the
smile on his face.
She knew she had to go though, there would be plenty more kicks for them
to share and
plenty more milestones in this little baby's life and she silently prayed
they'd be together
for all of them. She heard the delivery truck pull up in the driveway, she
had to get that, get
dressed, pack, write Jax a quick note and be on her way.
Chapter 13
Jax woke up to the sound of a car in the drive, he went to the window just
in time to see
Brenda getting into the limo, she was leaving him again, he felt his heart
break all over
again as he watched the car pull out of the driveway. He couldn't believe
that he'd allowed
himself to go to sleep last night actually believing that maybe, just maybe
they might have
another chance together. He was scared, he was really scared, he'd never
loved anyone the
way he loved her, unconditionally, no matter what happened. She was a free
spirit, she
was reckless as all hell, a little spoiled, well maybe a lot, but those were
all the things he
loved about her. But he'd seen a change in her, she seemed more level headed,
more
intense, more everything last night, like this baby had changed everything.
He didn't want
her to change, he wanted the same woman he had fallen in love with, but he
wanted to be
able to be sure of her, sure of what she wanted, how she felt, he had to
be, he couldn't put
his heart on the line again. She'd almost made him believe her last night,
all those pretty
words and now she was out the door again, how could he have been so stupid
to let her
manipulate him again, he'd laid awake half the night knowing she was in the
next room and
aching to be with her. She could keep herself from him, that was her choice,
but he would
never let her keep his child from him. He threw some clothes on, he was off
to have them
fuel the jet so he could return to Port Charles and tell her just that. He
got to the bottom of
the stairs and picked up the phone to call the pilot when he saw everything
set up on the
table, he lifted the lid off the serving tray and saw the oysters, and the
pastries from that
shop in Vienna, why would she have gone to all this trouble and just left
him, then he saw
that familiar handwriting.
My darling Jax,
I had hoped to be here this morning to share
this with you, I'm sorry I couldn't be. Julia
needed me to go to London on a last minute
business trip, after last night I thought you could
use some time alone. I know what your heart
is telling you, but baby listen to your head too.
So please honey, take this time, sort out your
feelings, I'm not going anywhere, I promise.
I'll be back in Port Charles in a few days, and
I'll miss you more than you'll ever know.
All My Love Forever, (please believe that)
Brenda
Jax breathed a sigh of relief as he folded her letter and breathed in the
smell of her perfume
that was still in the room. Maybe she was right, maybe he did need this time.
Chapter 14
Brenda had finished her meetings early, things had gone really well and she
thought Julia
would be pleased, she resisted the urge to return to Malibu, she had to let
Jax come to her,
when he was ready and in his own time. She only prayed that it would be soon,
the thought
of never falling asleep to the sound of his heart beat, never waking up in
his arms again,
never making love to him again tore her apart, it just wasn't within the
realm of possibility
for her. She wasn't ashamed to say, independence be damned that she couldn't
live without
him.
Jax was feeling the same way as he walked along the beach in Malibu, thinking
about the
first time that they'd come there, when he'd realized he was in love with
her, thinking back
he realized that he had really fallen in love with her the first time she
walked through the
door of the penthouse, he remembered every moment of that day, what she was
wearing,
how she smelled and every word she had said, she had said that day their
meeting had been
an omen and she had been right, it had been fate, and he'd spent his time
hiding behind Lois
afraid to admit his feelings for her, he had loved her but he had also been
afraid of her from
the start. The feelings he had for her scared him to death. He'd fought them
so hard, that
was until he'd almost lost her, he had known the night she got hit by the
car he couldn't live
without her and he didn't want to. He'd decided that night that he would
marry her one way
or another, Sonny or no Sonny, and he had, he had won, but for the first
time in his life
when it happened, he felt a rush but it was a rush of emotions he wasn't
ready for, nothing
had prepared him for Brenda, nothing. He had made a decision, he couldn't
live without
that love, it was the reason he got out of bed in the morning and continued
to breathe every
day. He was ready to go home, ready to work it out no matter what it took.
In London, Brenda was staring out her hotel room window waiting for the limo
to come to
take her to the airport, she was going home, the only real home she'd ever
known, and she
hoped beyond hope that Jax would be waiting for her when she got there. In
her mind she
was replaying every moment she'd ever spent with him, every wonderful, delicious
second
that had been them and she couldn't wait to see him again.
Jax headed for the house to pack his things, sure about what he wanted for
the first time
since Brenda had walked out that door months before. He loved her and somehow,
some
way they would find their way back to each other, regain each other's trust,
and go on
together. Miranda and Sonny were out of their lives forever, it was time
to start
concentrating on each other instead of all the pain and betrayal they had
caused each other,
this baby was a new start, and he intended to make the most of it, they would
be a family, a
real family, he didn't want to be a weekend dad and no child of his would
ever feel like it
wasn't wanted, and he was not going to let this child come into the world
to parent's that
weren't married. He had to get home.
They were really a world apart at that moment, but the way they were feeling
couldn't have
been any closer, it was as if they were sharing the same brain, the same
thoughts, they both
knew what they wanted and they were on their way home to make it a reality.
I find myself in a strange situation.
And I don't know how.
What seemed to be an infatuation
Is so different now.
I can't get by if we're not together.
Oh, can't you see,
Girl, I want you now and forever.
Come to me.
I'm longing for the time.
I'm longing for the day.
Hoping that you will promise to be mine,
And never go away.
I don't want to live without you.
I don't want to live without you.
I could never live without you,
Live without your love.
I ask myself but there's no explanation
For the way I feel.
I know I've reached the right destination
And I know it's real.
I'm longing for the time.
I'm longing for the day.
When I'll be giving you this heart of mine,
Believe me when I say...
I don't want to live without you.
I don't want to live without you.
I could never live without you,
Live without your love.
Brenda stepped in to the limo her thoughts on Jax and nothing else but
unfortunately she
wasn't paying attention to anything around her, that would come back to haunt
her in a big
way. She heard the doors lock as the other door slammed and she found herself
face to
face with Sonny, "Ah Brenda, don't look so surprised, did you honestly think
I'd let you go
and allow you let another man raise my child, I'm sorry but that's not going
to happen."