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Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.
The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel lucky for doing so."
That night, the princess had frog legs for dinner.
A ventriloquist is working down South and during his show a hick stands up and yells,"HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!"
"Relax" said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!"
"I'm not talking to you, sir!" The hick replied "I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your knee!"
Yo momma so slutty she could suck-start a Harley!
Yo momma so slutty she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball!
Yo momma so slutty when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt!
Yo momma so slutty she was on the cover of wheaties, with her legs open, and it said "breakfast of the champs."
Yo momma so slutty that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.
Yo momma so slutty she had her own "Hands across her ass" charity drive
Yo momma so slutty that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times.
Yo momma so slutty I fucked her and I'm a girl!
Yo momma so slutty the garden hose in the backyard is scared of her.
Yo momma so slutty everybody pays only 50 cents.
Yo momma so slutty she blind and seeing another man.
Yo momma so slutty John Holmes just looked at her and got AIDS.
Yo momma so slutty she is known as Homecomming Disease.
Yo momma so slutty she has Trojan written on her gumline.
So this couple had been married for about five years, and one fine summer day as they're out working in the yard, the man tells his wife, "Man, you're butt is getting fat."
She gets ticked off and moves to another part of the yard. The guy follows her and says, "You know that big gas grill over there. I'll bet your butt is as big as that grill. It's huge!"
The wife gets really mad, tells him HE can finish the yard HIMSELF and she goes inside. Then the husband finds a yardstick, measures the grill, goes inside and measures his wife and says, "Yup. They are both the same size."
The wife is livid! She doesn't speak to him the rest of the day.
When the man comes to bed that night, he tries to cuddle up next to his wife and says, "Hey, honey, how 'bout it?" She thinks for a moment and pulls away.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She says: "You're crazy, if you think I'm firing up that big gas grill for one little weenie."
Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
15> In space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job.
14> Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your hooters?
13> Would it, like, bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred?
12> How would you best describe yourself?
( ) An energetic self-starter
( ) A team player
( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet
11> True or false: A mosh pit is the seed of the mosh fruit.
10> "I am willing to trade sexual favors for a career in the music industry." ( )Yes ( )No
9> How many times have you been kicked out of a karaoke bar?
8> Does nudity bother you? If so, should I put my clothes back on?
7> Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behavioralist psychology. Just kidding!! Seriously, do you like leather mini-skirts?
6> Are you deceptively attractive in colored or stroboscopic light?
5> Choose an appropriate nickname: Sexy, Nasty, Sweetie, Chlamydia.
4> Have you ever been convicted of combining vertical and horizontal stripes?
3> If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometers, and 75 kilometers an hour, respectively, how would you look in spandex?
2> Does the term "force majeure in perpetuity" make you afraid or just giggly?
and the Number 1 Question on the Spice Girl Job Application...
1> If required as part of your deal with Satan, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles's loneliness?
If you have any suggestions or comments, feel free to email me at Robokevman: Crime Prevention Unit / robokevman@geocities.com
This Homepage Was Last Updated On Tuesday, September 23rd, 1997.
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