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A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quivering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell-l d-dildoes h-here?"
The saleman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop, answered, "Uh, yes, Ma'am. We do."
The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, "D-do y-you ha-aave an-ny ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?"
The salesman replied, "Well, yes Ma'am, we do. We have several that size."
Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked, "A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?"
The salesman replied, "Well... Yes ma'am a few of them are about that big."
The little old lady asks, "D-do a-ny of th-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?"
The salesman replied, "Yes, Ma'am, one of them does."
The little old lady blurts out, "H-o--w d--o y---ou t--u--r--n i--t o--f--f ?!?!?!?"
After successfully passing the bar exam, a man opened his own law office. He was sitting idle at his desk when his secretary announced that a Mr. Jones had arrived to see him. "Show him right in!" our lawyer replied.
As Mr. Jones was being ushered in our lawyer had an idea. He quickly picks up the phone and shouts into it (to pretend he's important at making deals). He says into the phone, " ...and you tell them that we won't accept less then fifty thousand dollars, and don't even call me until you agree to that amount!" Slamming the phone down he stood up and greeted Mr. Jones; "Good Morning, Mr. Jones, what can I do for you?"
"I'm from the phone company," Mr. Jones replied, "I'm here to connect your phone."
Two Hillbillies camping in the mountains had spent four days together, andthey were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says,
"You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."
The both agree and one Hillbilly hikes south. The other Hillbilly hikes north.
That night over dinner, the first Hillbilly tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"
The second Hillbilly says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow," the first Hillbilly says, "did you get a blow job?"
"No," says the second Hillbilly. "I couldn't find her head."
A SOLDIER RECIEVED A LETTER FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND, BUT HE COULDN'T SHOW IT HIS FRIENDS, BECAUSE SHE SIGNED IT "MOTHER'', AND THIS IS WHAT SHE WROTE:
M- IS FOR THE MANY TIMES WE DID IT.
O- IS FOR THE OTHER TIMES WE TRIED.
T- IS FOR THE TERRIFIC TIMES WE HAVE.
H- IS FOR THE HOTEL WE WENT TO.
E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY WE WENT.
R- IS FOR THE RYTHM WE HAD.
THAT SPELLS "MOTHER" AND THATS WHAT I'M GOING TO BE IN 9 MONTHS.
HE WROTE BACK AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAID:
F- IS FOR THE FUCKED UP LETTER YOU SENT ME.
A- IS FOR THE ASS YOU ARE.
T- IS FOR THE TROUBLE YOUR IN.
H- IS FOR THE HOE YOU REALLY ARE.
E- IS FOR THE EASY WAY YOU GAVE IT UP.
R- IS FOR THE ROMANCE WE NEVER HAD.
AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I'M THE FATHER.
AND THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF THE BABY:
B- IS FOR THE BABY WITHOUT A FATHER.
A- IS FOR THE ABORTION YOU BETTER GET.
B- IS FOR THE BASTARD HE OR SHE WILL BE.
Y- IS FOR THE "YES" WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID "NO".
SHE REALIZED THAT SHE FORGOT A FEW THINGS IN THE FIRST LETTER....SO SHE WROTE THE HIM BACK AND THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID:
B- IS FOR THE BEEF YOU HAD WITH ME.
E- IS FOR THE EATING YOU DID.
S- IS FOR THE SUCCULENT PUSSY YOU SUCKED.
T- IS FOR THE TIMES I GOT YOU HARD.
F- IS FOR THE FUNNY MADE DICK YOU HAVE.
R- IS THE THE RASH ON YOUR ASS.
I- IS FOR THE INTERCOURSE THAT WAS BORING.
E- IS FOR THE ENERGY FOR YOU TO CUM.
N- IS FOR THE NASTY ASS DOG YOU ARE.
D- IS FOR THE DAD YOUR GOING TO BE.
AND THAT SPELLS "BESTFRIEND" AND THATS WHO I WAS FUCKIN' WHILE YOU WERE AWAY.
An elderly couple went into a doctor. They told the doctor "We're having some trouble with our sex life. Could you watch and offer some suggestions?"
The doctor replied, "I'm not a sex therapist. You should find someone else."
The couple said, "No, No, we trust you."
After watching them have sex, the doctor said, "You don't seem to be having any troubles. I wish my sex life was as good. I can't give you any suggestions."
This was repeated the next week and also the third week. After they had finished on the third week, the doctor said, "You aren't having any trouble! Is this your idea of kinky sex?"
The man replied, "No, actually the problem is if we have sex at my house, my wife will catch us. If we have sex at her house, her husband will catch us. The motel charges us $50, and we can't afford that. You only charge $35, and Medicare pays half of that."
When God was creating the human race, he lined up all the males on one side and all the females opposite. Then he asked, "Which of your species would like to urinate standing up?"
Well, the males went crazy, shouting that they wanted to pee standing up.
God granted their wish.
"Fine", says God.
The males were all grinning at the women, rubbing it in the women's faces that they won.
God then says, "If men pee standing up, women get multiple orgasms."
Two unattached office girls, Debbie & Wendy, decided it would make good economic sense if they teamed up and shared a room on holiday. After they booked in to the hotel room Debbie turned to Wendy and rested her hand on her shoulder.
Debbie had decided that she couldn't keep a secret anymore and that it was time for her to "come out". She was going to tell her friend that she was a lesbian. "There's something I haven't told you about myself Wendy," she said. "I'll be frank......."
"Oh no you won't!" interrupted her friend. Wendy took off her clothes and said in a sexy voice, "*I'll* be Frank, you will be Debbie!"
If you have any suggestions or comments, feel free to email me at Robokevman: Crime Prevention Unit / robokevman@geocities.com
This Homepage Was Last Updated On Friday, July 11th, 1997.
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