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WHY ARE ALL DUMB BLONDE JOKES ONE LINERS?
So men can understand them
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOVERNMENT BONDS AND MEN?
Government bonds eventually mature
WHAT'S A MAN'S IDEA OF HELPING WITH THE HOUSEWORK?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN AND E.T.?
E.T. phoned home
WHY IS A PSYCHOANALYSIS A LOT QUICKER FOR A MAN THAN FOR A W0MAN?
When it's time to go back in his childhood, he's already there
WHAT DID GOD SAY AFTER HE CREATED MAN?
I can do better than this
HOW DO MEN DEFINE A 50/50 RELATIONSHIP?
We cook/thy eat. We clean/they dirty. We iron/they wrinkle
WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO FORCE A MAN TO DO SIT-UPS?
Put the remote control between his toes
HOW DO MEN EXERCISE AT THE BEACH?
By sucking in their stomachs ever time they see a bikini
HOW ARE MEN LIKE NOODLES?
They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough
WHAT DOES A MAN CONSIDER TO BE A SEVEN COURSE MEAL? A hot dog and a six-pack
WHY IS IT GOOD THAT THERE ARE FEMALE ASTRONAUTS?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will as for directions
OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast (The Devil Himself: Satan). But did you know:
$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul.
$766.25 - Price of the Best with extended 6 year 66,000 mile warranty.
$656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast.
00666 - Zip code of the Beast.
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! $6.66/minute. Over 18 please.
Route 666 - Highway of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
15> Jane assigned to the Armored Division when a general comments that she "would look mighty good in a tank top."
14> Demi court-martialed for "conduct unbecoming a stripper."
13> George Hamilton stars as womanizing Commander-in-Chief Bill Clinton.
12> Although she is below the other soldiers in rank, she still manages to get them all to stand at attention.
11> First there was Sigourney Weaver, and now it's official: Guys dig bald chicks!
10> Moving scene in which Jane is awarded the Bronze Tassel.
9> While doing one-arm pushups, Demi uses other arm to slam tequila shooters.
8> Government issued breasts don't perform as well as civilian breasts.
7> Nude scene with G.I. Jane showing G.I. Joe *her* Kung-Fu grip edited out to avoid NC-17 rating.
6> Entire Joe Eszterhaus-penned script consists of hazing scenes where they push medals into Demi's chest.
5> Strangely familiar final line: "We'll always have Paris Island."
4> Special cameo by Jim Carrey as wacky Navy gynecologist.
3> Gristled old drill sergeants played by Demi's mom and a buffed Bea Arthur.
2> First choice for the role? Tom Cruise.
and the Number 1 Surprise in "G.I. Jane"...
1> Under water, no one can hear your acting suck.
So there is this guy, kisses his wife goodbye, gets into his BMW to drive to work in the city. He's gone about a mile when he remembers he forgot to pick up his watch from the bedroom, so he turns the car around and drives back home.
When he walks into the bedroom, there was his wife, totally naked on the bed and the milkman standing, totally naked also, besides the bed.
The milkman promptly went into a squatting position on the rug and says, "I'm glad you're here Mr. Smith, because I was just telling your wife that if she doesn't pay the milk bill, I'm gonna shit all over the floor!"
One day a man is having a terrible day of golf. At the first hole he hooks the ball out into the rough. As he wanders through the rough, he finds another golf ball. Not thinking, he picks it up and puts it in his pocket. On his very next swing he slices off into the rough again. As he wanders off to find his ball, he finds another lost golf ball and pockets it like the first.
This continues for the entire front nine. Finally, after finding 10 or so golf balls, he decides to call it a day and head home.
On his way home he stops at the local Circle K to drown his sorrows with a Big Gulp.
As he approaches the cashier, a young woman, he notices that she is staring at his crotch. He looks down and sees the big bulge in his pants from all the golf balls he has collected.
"Oh, don't mind that," he explains to the cashier. "They're just golf balls."
The cashier replies, "Boy, if that's anything like tennis elbow, I'll bet it really hurts!"
Two lovers interested in spiritualism and reincarnation vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their dying.
As luck would have it, a few weeks later the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later.
At the seance, she called out, "John, dear John; this is Martha. Do you hear me?"
A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John; I can hear you."
Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?"
"It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time."
"Well what do you do all day," asked Martha.
"Well Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but sex until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then have more sex until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11pm."
Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?"
"Heaven? I'm not in heaven Martha."
"Well then where are you John?"
"I'm a jack rabbit in Arizona."
A man goes to the Doctor and says, "Doctor I think my wife's been dead for two weeks."
The Doctor says, "Wow, dead for two weeks, how come it took you so long to notice, and what gave it away ?"
The man replies, "Well, the sex is the same, but then I notcied the laundry and dirty dishes were starting to pile up!"
If you have any suggestions or comments, feel free to email me at Robokevman: Crime Prevention Unit / robokevman@geocities.com
This Homepage Was Last Updated On Friday, November 7th, 1997.
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