A "true" story of how one man discovered Twinkie...
As told to Katherine of Pennsylvania by George of Washington.
"It was a bright Sunday afternoon in May of last year. The perfect day to sit out in the sun, go to the park, or go swimming in the lake. I, of course, could do none of these things. I was forced to go shopping for my wife, who was sick in bed with the measles.
"When I got to the store, I was instantly blinded by the ultra voilent..ooh, i mean ultra violet lights. I stumbled over to the sixth aisle; the bread aisle, to pick up some rolls for lunch. When I got there, I jumped out of my skin. The bread was gone! The sixth aisle had turned into the juice aisle!! Oh, how I cried. I ran all over the store, much to the manager's disliking. Some officials came and stopped me before I ran into a stack of soup cans...I guess it was for my own health.
"They didn't make me leave the store, but they did warn me to calm down and walk around like everyone else. What happened to individuality?!
"Anyway, I continued shopping...I decided to buy some Cheez Doodles for my daughter. I got to the snack aisle and saw, to my surprise, a large crowd of people standing around one section of the aisle. Moving closer, I could see that what they were gaping at was a box of Twinkies. I had never had a Twinkie before, but I knew what they were. They were the junk food items that lasted as long as a human did.
"Some woman ran up to me and shoved a box in my hands. 'Can you believe it!?,' she cried, 'The Twinkies are on sale for 99 cents! Quick! Take a box!' Then she ran back into the crowd. I blinked, and put the Twinkie box down. I didn't want to have cavities or large fat deposits in my thighs.
"I was terribly afraid of that woman. And rightly so. She followed me though, screaming, "The Twinkie has come! It has come! Praise the Supreme One!" I figured she was either insane or drunk. I looked around for a pyschologist, maybe some other mental patients..no such luck. She was drunk. Or maybe not. She shook me and screamed at me. "Take the box!! I'm not insane! Take it! The Twinkie will guide you! The Supreme One has come to take our souls! If you don't take it, you will burn in the land of Ring Dings!! Agh! Twinkie has spoken!!!!" She fainted. I backed away with the box of Twinkies that she had shoved into my hands again, leaving that store as fast as I could.
"When I got home, I explained to my wife what happened. Her eyes got very large and bright and said, "Is it the end of the world!?" I told her no. It was just some crazy supermarket lady. Truthfully though, I didn't know.
"The next day, I lost my job. Someone had heard about the supermarked incident. Sighing, I sat down, opened that troublesome box of Twinkies and began to unwrap one. I started to put it in my mouth, when all of a sudden, a little voice came out of it. Gasping, I threw it on the table. 'What!?!?!' I yelled, 'What is this!?' The twinkie responded; 'This is the Supreme Twinkie, talking through one of my lowly fellow twinkies. You do not believe. But, I am the ruler of the universe! And I can grant you three wishes!' Well. I just about fainted then. But, I made my three wishes. And they came true! I just can't tell you them. It's a secret. Anyway, all I can say is...
Do YOU have a story about how you discovered Twinkie that you would like to share? E-mail me and tell me about it!
