greece 2001

20th october

- after all the delays and various problems of the preceeding days, after a long wait in the airport we finally boarded the plane. the film was ‘tomb raider’…interesting, in the words of ella ‘beyond awful’.
- we met george the virgin (who is not a virgin and don’t forget that)
- planes are normally cold, yeah? not the virgin sun flight to athens oh no.
- ‘here’s to a week of ludic frivolity’ – natty
- hmmm…the airport. athens airport is not an unpleasant place but when you are there for nearly 2 hours with nothing to do but go to the loo and sit down it gets slightly monotonous. it was a bonding experience for sure
- ‘anyone up for some mango’ – natty at 4:45 am
- we arrived at the hotel at 5:45. jacky, ella and i were in a little room. the loo was behind the shower curtain which was practical but slightly bizarre. we had a lovely view of a shanty down (or bharji (sp?) town according to ella).
- we had to put the sheets on the beds ourselves! we’re godolphin girls – we don’t do that kind of thing!

21st october

- after 2 ½ hours sleep we make it down to the lobby forfeiting our breakfasts.
- first sight – the canal near corinth. not very classical but we enjoy the sun anyway, people are beginning to feel slightly hungy. in 24 hours i ate 2 chocolate digestive biscuits and 10 wine gums.
- mrs brady put a duster round her head (ella c said it was v. sexy)
- corinth – a reaccuring theme: statues with no bits.
- hmmm lovely lunch with a ‘trendy criossant’.
- jacky and sirina frolicked in the fountain
- coach to tolon – ella c read us all her useful/less greek phrases until natty through the book down the aisle in a fairly dramatic manner.
- if alice’s writing wasn’t so bad i might try and decipher it but she drew a lovely picture.
- ‘do you love anyone enough to give them your last tolo?’ – sirina
- the lovely hotel apollon. ella and i sit on the balcony with our diet cokes which the lovely zippos went and got for us. he is called zippos because he ‘zips’ on his moped.
- the first night at the gorilla bar. we made lots of friends (including one who looked like mrs capper) and sarah had the inaugural pull…you go girl!
- bon…fire!
- catherine…wheel!
- sparkler…ler! (i don’t think so)
- we went to the supermarket at night and i got a barbie lolly. the woman laughed at us for dancing there.
- songs of the evening ‘it’s my life’ and ‘dancing queen’
- it’s raining biscuits!
- ella c got told off for jumping over the balcony.

22nd october

- despite the invisible woman peeing in our loo, ella and i managed to sleep.
- sirina, clio and natty all were slightly ill…according to natty it was a cathartic purging
- we went to tiryns…there were probably quite a few rocks there. sirina sat on the ancient loo.
- ‘clio, do you know your zip’s undone?’ – kath s
- maaaa-ei-ei – kath s’ hungry sheep
- alice drew a lovely picture of anties going up ella c’s panties
- off to mycenae; there were more rocks and a delightful lunch of a sandwich with lots of lovely mayonnaise.
- ‘what would it be like if we had 2 arses?’ – kath s
- ella c’s bra clashed with her pe teacher dress
- mrs p’s son-in-law was rechristned ‘hairy mcgruff’
- gorilla bar and disco – played the same music again. the nice barman gave ella c and me 3 free shots of some yummy peach stuff.
- ‘i wanna see the two of you get it on’ – sirina to random couple
- pete the man with the meat and bob the builder
- jacky stole craig/greg’s sunglasses and he was not a happy bunny.
- ella c and natty and a pole – not a good mix.
- ella c thought some random greek boys were french and therefore we had to try and speak to them in french until they said ‘why are you speaking french, you are english’.
- ella c is a sex bomb
- songs of the evening – ‘it’s raining men’, ‘it’s my life’, ‘lady marmalade’ and ‘horny’

23rd october

- epidauros – mad evil classics teacher. another mad woman stood in the middle and ripped up bits of paper.
- the performance of the sacrificial worm and our greek chorus. we were the bacchae.
- very impressive man did his bit from ‘julius caesar’
- nice lunch before mr pervious the greek groper blew a kiss at sirina
- lucy (uv) got stunk by a jellyfish
- ‘i have salt on my chest’ – kath s
- we had to go back because hairy left his camera behind.
- ella c had an argument with the woman in the supermarket – probably the funniest thing i saw while sober. alice bumped into her bryanston boy again.
- oh the greek evening…what memories…where to start…well first there was the harrasment by greek boys – don’t know if they were the ones we thought were french or not. the sight of miss ingham and her red pashmina surrounded by hundreds of them whilst we got told off for encouraging them will stay with me forever. ‘they will come and see you tomorrow’ – miss jacobs. we found zippos behind the boy with the lovely nima (named after someone ella c knows).
- nima provided us with much amusement…some samples of his wit:

24th october

- on the way to olympia – lots more hours on a coach. miss jacobs didn’t seem to be talking to us
- ‘real juice’
- miss ingham sang for us
- natty’s most intelligent remark – we are all in the same mood. either very happy or very tired. we obviously spent too much time together
- ‘this close confinement is bringing out the randomness in us’ – ella c
- miss ingham’s bra won’t stretch far enough for us to go to heaven in it and other assorted songs
- ‘i’ve got a mosquito bite the size of foetus’ – natty
- part 1 of the classical coach quiz or ccq for short

- ‘doss, a beer I buy myself
ray, a man who sells me beer
me, a girl a buy beer for
far, a long way to the bar
so, I’ll have another beer
la, la la la la
tea, no thanks I’ll have a beer
that takes us back to doss, doss, doss’

- lunch by the road with all the ants. we weren’t allowed to cross the road.
- and then we got to olympia…

- to recap, we had spent several lovely days in tolon, the hotel was lovely, the nightlife, well dubious, but fun, nice beach etc. what more could you want from a holiday??

- and then we got to olympia…
- we stopped outside the hotel, eventually, and sat in shock not wanting to get out and accept the reailty. the hotel was quite literally a shit hole.
- we smelt a funny smell…oh look there’s sewage coming up the loo. the pillows and cutlery smell of sweat.
- ‘mr and mrs capper are like prince charles and prince william’ – ella c
- our solution to the sewage problem – place a stool on top of the loo, then tie the bathroom door shut with a chain of bras and a piece of ella c’s t-shirt.
- if we hear the stall fall then we can run out the balcony windows which don’t shut (guess who had the bed by the balcony)
- ella c and natty had the most hilarious argument – as natty was preparing for ella to operate on her blister ella c asks if she can text andreas.
- ‘i think it hit a nerve’ and ‘i can feel the bone’ – natty
- worst case scenario – we get bitten to death and get cholera
- best case scenario – just one of them
- natty panicked about the lack of eye make up remover – the bottle was half full!
- ella c told us many riverting stories such as her morning routine and when she tied a window down with dental floss.
- the return of the waxy sheet
- ‘his truncheon of love across your backside’ – ella c
- ‘what would happen if you packed a thousand willies in your suitcase?’ – ella c
- the brathroom
- what is the world’s most hilarious orgy? think about it…
- ‘i’d grab his balls and squeeze them like grapes’ – sirina
- it is safe to say that we did not have a very exciting time in olympia. we definitely went out but i can’t really remember much about it – and not for a good reason

25th october

- the room still stunk when we woke up but no one cared very much. when we told miss freshney that my mother said we’d get cholera she said ‘is your mother an expert on cholera?’
- olympia – in the museum: ‘that statue looks like he’s on a mobile phone’ – mrs brady
- all the statues had lost their willies. miss jacobs agreed that ella c had probably stolen all the willies
- ‘don’t you feel violated’ – miss jacobs on hearing of nima’s exploits
- ‘mrs p and her son-in-law look so cute when they walk along limping’ – mrs brady
- freshney and ingham are druggies who have needles for their own use (don’t remember where this train of thought came from)
- we had lunch with a donkey
- we saw miss gibbon who literally knows everything – although bradybunch is close behind. jacky suggested that she should replace ‘the three’.
- incidentally jacky wrote at 12:59 and said she would write 2hrs and 17mins later.
- ‘i put the alice in phallus’ – alice
- would you rather...
- ‘certain people get on minerva – kath s
- jacky wrote a poem at 14:16 (see above)
- the teachers talked about hairy legs and their ‘cuddly bits’
- the coach didn’t stay in a lane and reversed down a motorway (who does that remind you of jacky and claire??)
- ‘you woke me up to ask if there was a ‘t’ in sandwich?!!!’ – ella to kath s
- on the boat to delphi we saw anorakos and gorilla man; raised by the primates!
- ella got stuck in her jumper
- jacky is rolling with the homies
- it was unbelieveably windy
- hysterics in the loo – miss jacobs went to get the mediaction.
- we needed loo paper so we passed it under the door
- ‘mrs p has your water’ x 5 – ella
- ella cannot make tapes
- narty says: ‘there’s no jam when you’re in a traffic jam’
- ‘psst..psst…’ – greek men
- ‘oh that’s so sexy that just turns me right on’ – miss jacobs in response to the above
- ‘delphi is the navel of the earth’ – miss jacobs…‘can we pierce it’ – natty
- does hairy dye his hair?
- ella and i exchanged love letters with the fringham
- we finally get to delphi and have to take our bags up (or down i can’t remember) a hill
- yet again i have the camp bed while jacky and ella have nice beds.
- the restaurant was nice – although no change in food but the waiters wouldn’t bring us bread, salt or oil, according to ella c it was very gay
- catwee was very nice although there weren’t many people there
- jacky fell into 'delphi by night'
- the uv danced on the bar - miss freshney laughed at my matching bag and cropped trousers but mrs brady liked it
- songs of the evening: ‘one more time’, ‘ lady marmalade’, ‘ survivor’, ‘ I will survive’
- ella was impressed by my bra trick and then tried to rape jacky

26th october

- more bread for breakfast
- ‘the greek women are all fed up…of bread!’
- more statues without willies
- natty got told off for taking a photo
- ‘i’m fed up of being shouted at, perved at, whistled at and generally abused. i hate the greek’ – sirina
- ‘they’re so resentful because they’re basically a third-world country’ – sirina
- ‘italians were pervy, but they were fun pervy’
- we climbed up delphi and it rained despite the lack of clouds
- sirina missed an argument at supper because she was ‘concentrating on her bread’
- even miss jacobs is fed up of bread
- comedy moment of the week – sally threw up in her carcass and chips, then dancing refugees came in, then a threw a glass of water over myself
- ‘stop bringing it up’ – jacky
- yummy chocolate cake
- ‘would we feel it if we ran over a goat? – me
- we overtook on a bend and the driver’s windscreen wipers don’t work very well
- ‘rocky rocks and naked rocks’ – mrs p
- ‘boob wasps’ and ‘boob bees’
- it was revealed that in the middle of the night ella thought she was in a windmill in amsterdam and hit jacky and said ‘isn’t it funny’
- ella c 4 roberto, except when sirina pulls him
- miss freshney disappeared on the coach – was she embracing wheelos?
- multi-coloured worms – would your puke be multi-coloured?
- miss freshney spat hers out, but they were very addictive
- sirina got whiplash while singing coldplay
- sirina looks very attractive in her home-made patch
- S & M or FLM?
- to athens
- back to where we started
- after dinner jacky and i got stuck in the lift. we went down to every floor then back up…we held each other in intimate ways
- we welcomed miss ingham into the ‘chambre of lurve’
- we didn’t go out but had hilarious fun in our room
- ‘you’re looking particularly ugly tonight’ – natty, to ella c
- ‘have i ever told you, i don’t like your nose?’ – ella c to me
- ‘ella c, have i ever told you your bum is huge’ – ella… ‘now that’s just plain cruel’ – ella c
- ‘i call it pertnippity’
- ella c and natty are mutant teenagers
- ‘swallow, swallow, swallow’ – me to ella c
- there’s no knee in macaroni, no bow in elbow, no bra in brazil!
- ahhh…the cum on the wall
- hotels are an odd concept
- natty doesn’t like having to make her own bed
- ella c thought a block of flats was the acropolis

27th october

- the horny hornet
- the scissor position – alice’s device to detensionise her bedroom
- mrs brady has an obsession with turning lights off
- alice and her guidebook
- despite ella c and natty taking the battery out the clock we made it to breakfast
- ‘magnificently retarded’ – natty, to the boy who ran across the stage at the theatre of dionysos
- natty cried at the parthenon
- for some reason, supper sticks in my mind. we cemented our reputation as the most immature members of the school
- ‘it’s like coming on holiday with the uiii’ – miss freshney
- ‘talk to your own friends miss jacobs’ – natty
- ‘it’s proper tap water’ – alice
- scary squirrel face
- jacky and my boobs were deflating
- 'just potatoes please’ – ella c
‘you bad girl, if you have chicken you good girl’ – the waiter (titus)
- the chicken was alive – it flew. we resuscitated it. the teachers got a bread roll for being good
- miss freshney walked into a dog
- ‘men are evil’ – miss freshney
- ‘i wish i’d taught you everything’ – miss freshney
- hairy was a lollipop man
- we had fun with gabby and lydia
- ‘you’re too ugly to be in the photo’ – lydia
- lots of tequila sunrises
- we were being rowdy at 11pm
- ‘wee or poo?’….‘that’s a little too much information’ – miss freshney
- ella had a shower in her bra
- natty’s monkey impression
- gabby peed
- mrs brady had to put a plaster over the light on the tv
- ‘i hope everyone gets what they want’ – ella c
- ‘i’ve never cried on first beholding a hill’ – natty
- the bottle top flew
- natty and ella c made rampant babies
- laura graham threw up several times
- miss jacobs told us how miss ingham flirted with Zippos (dimitri)
- pedro loved miss freshney

28th cctober

- miss freshney was wearing an anorak so what we told her doesn’t count
- we went back through ‘dodgy man land’ – mrs brady
- we found people who could marry miss freshney
- lots of statues at athens museum, miss freshney agrees that there are too many
- the toilet equiptment
- restaurant with pubicos and arguments galore; but miss Jacobs got a free coke
- ella c and clio sat in bird poo while a bird pooed on ella
- hairy drew an accurate cartoon of himself
- ‘the driver will go to slot machine heaven with that tip’ – hairy
- we got to the airport and JIF played with lydia’s erotic playing cards
- random discussions including miss spencer and her evening dress
- we lost kath, claire and sarah
- mrs brady taught us how to push in a queue
- ella’s bra set off the machine
- miss ingham now responds to ‘hot stuff’
- moulin rouge is terrible
- ‘rock on classics’ - natty