It is the natural wish of people approaching marriage to have a happy home. The tragedy is that too often this remains a pious wish. To have a happy home requires much more than pious wishes or some sentimental hope that all will be well.

People largely receive from marriage what they are prepared to give in marriage. Two people uniting in marriage take into their home both the strengths and frailties which each has. The happiness will largely be determined by how well they recognise these strengths and frailties and work at building their marriage within the limitations of these conditions.

God's plan is that marriage should bring with it a deep sense of happiness and joy. Yet we need to understand clearly that this fruit of happiness is not automatic or accidental but is influenced in the main by the attitudes and actions we adopt. Happiness in marriage is like the fruit on a tree. Only as the tree receives constant care and attention, and thus shows healthy growth, can we expect to enjoy its fruit.

The following site contains a few suggestions, which might prove helpful to those who see in marriage one of the most vital decisions that they make in life. Wisdom is needed not only in making the decision to marry, but also in carrying out the responsibilities of marriage so that mutual love might blossom ever more fully.

You want a happy home. Then be prepared to work so that this might become a wonderful reality for you.

People who see marriage as a convenient man-made arrangement to serve as long as it suits their purposes are a poor risk in marriage. For such people, marriage is not sacred even though it may be formally contracted in a church setting.

Any view of marriage that changes it from God's institution to a merely human arrangement strikes at the very roots of success in marriage.

Such a sentimental idea is easily said, but what is meant by "love"? Love is not easily explained. All too often love is confused with infatuation, a selfish desire to possess for one's own purposes, or just sexual attraction. Self-centredness is not love.

Love in marriage rather means that the marriage partner is cherished so dearly that personal sacrifices for the happiness of the one loved are seen as a privilege and not as a burden. For Christian people, this love in marriage has its roots in God's love for them. The fullness of this love can be known only by those who know God's love for them in Christ.

People today confuse the issue with much talk of the equality of the sexes. The fact is that the partners in marriage are very different. God has given to man and woman different emotional and physical abilities which when blended fully in marriage, play their part in bringing warmth and happiness to the home. Each partner should endeavour to help the other to develop these gifts for the common good. This calls for "give and take" whereby emotional inter-dependence is established ever more firmly as the years go by.

Follow a positive pattern in your emotional feeling towards each other. Encourage each other, show affection, seek to understand the problems of the other person, lift your partner in a spirit, which breathes trust and confidence, and so create deeper love and gratitude. This calls for sacrifice, self-control, and adjustment. Without them happiness will remain an elusive hope. Those who prefer to be negative and faultfinding, impatient, domineering, and intolerant, must expect the sure result of tension, isolation, and unhappiness.

Every Couple facing marriage should be aware that areas of adjustment will exist because of differences of background in home life, education, wealth, social activities, and religious beliefs. The signing of the marriage register does not suddenly change people and produce a perfect fusion and harmony of outlook and action.

Adjustments will have to be made as two lives merge into one. This calls for goodwill, understanding, and patience - not threats and selfish demands. Loving patience is needed, for changes come slowly. Those made by force are brittle and soon break; those made in mutual loving concern for the other partner are enduring.

To be sure, if people speak of love and exclude the material needs of life, they speak of fantasy. Wise budgeting is important. What is more important is an attitude of contentment with what is provided, so that both partners are happy to plan a life within the limitations of their finances. To "keep up with the Jones's" is childish; to be content with such things as you have is a mark of maturity.

There may have been a time when people spoke too little of this side of marriage; perhaps today there is too much stress put on this one aspect of marriage. The sex life of married people is important, but not all-important. Sex in marriage should be a natural evidence of affection, love and understanding; it is not a thing apart. Problems in other areas of life will be reflected here. The love of husband and wife should find a healthy wholesome expression in intercourse, which is the response of a love that embraces the whole personality of the other person. This giving of oneself to the other in love is a natural part of God's created purpose for those in marriage, and should be seen as something positive and good. It is an important expression of love, which should contribute to the mental, emotional, and physical balance of those concerned, and so be a contributing factor for a happy and successful marriage.

Whether God blesses your home with children or not, is not basic to happiness in the home. What is important is that both partners WANT children. Do not hope to have children so that they might hold your home together. Marriage partners have the responsibility of making the home secure so that the children might have happiness. A child brought up in a happy Christian home has been given a good start in social adjustment for its life in the world and for its future marriage. This is a gift all parents can give to their children, for it is not dependent on wealth, social position, or other material advantages.

Every person has religious beliefs. Spiritual attitudes are determinative in people's actions. No couple having wide differences in religious attitudes can afford to ignore this problem before marriage.

An understanding, which is realistic needs to be arrived at before marriage, not after marriage. To hope for some miracle - either that a person will become religious or will cease to be religious after speaking the marriage vow - shows immaturity. The more the couple hold deep spiritual values in common the more easily adjustments will be made after marriage.

That religion is an important factor in marriage and in the breaking up of marriage is shown statistically. Many surveys have resulted in similar findings. Combining several surveys we can see that broken homes have resulted in the following percentages: -

Where both are Jewish or Catholic or Protestant 4.5% - 6%

Mixed Religions 15.5% (3 times as many)

No Religion 17% (still more)

These realities cannot be ignored or treated lightly. Every couple should find a church home where thy can receive spiritual nourishment. Jesus Christ so simply reminds us that "man does not live by bread alone." To ignore this fact is to invite disaster. The person who has peace with God is a person who has a gift beyond all others to assist him to live in peace with others. What is more, where a husband and wife hold a common faith in Jesus Christ as the one through whom they have been received into the family of God, they possess a hope which stretches beyond this life to the certainty of the life to come.

Often people claim to hold the Bible in high regard yet fail to read it. Every couple is urged to read God's Word so that His spirit might speak to them from its pages. The following are a few passages, which could be of special interest at this time.

Psalm 128; Matthew 19,3-6; Luke 10,37-42; John 2,1-11;

Ephesians 4,20-32; Ephesians 5,21-33; I Peter 3,1-7; I Corinthians 7,1-7

As you are led by God in His Word, you will find peace of heart and the joy of living with one another as His children. May your marriage reflect this peace and joy.

From the beginning of your married life, take time daily for sitting at Jesus' feet to hear His Word in your home.

During the service, you will solemnly pledge love and faithfulness to each other for life. The exact words may vary but the content will be -

Bridegroom: {Groom}, will you have {Bride}, here present, to your wedded wife? Will you love her, honour her, cherish and keep her, and never forsake her as long as you both shall live? Then answer: I will.

Bride: {Bride}, will you have {Groom}, here present, to your wedded husband? Will you love him, honour him, obey him, and never forsake him as long as you both shall live? Then answer: I will.

After the vows and giving of rings, as you join your right hands, the pastor will say -

What God has joined together, let not man put asunder. For as much as {Groom} and {Bride} have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same here publicly before God and this Congregation here present, and hereto have joined their hands (and given rings): I pronounce them husband and wife, in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

These words are not mere ritual, but words spoken before God as the most solemn pledge possible to assure each other of the sincere intent both have. In order to assist you in making these vows with knowledge and understanding, you are invited to complete the following questions as the basis of further discussion with you pastor. This guide can be very helpful for intelligent discussion of the various aspects of married life in the light of general experience.

(Prepared by Granger E. Westberg, Chicago, Illinois.)

Man Woman

1. ______ ______ 2. ______ 11. ______ 22. ______

6. ______ ______ 3. ______ 12. ______ 23. ______

10. ______ ______ 4. ______ 17. ______ 24. ______

13. ______ ______ 5. ______ 18. ______ 25. ______

14. ______ ______ 7. ______ 19. ______ 26. ______

15. ______ ______ 8. ______ 20. ______ 27. ______

16. ______ ______ 9. ______ 21. ______ 29. ______

28. ______ ______

Our purpose in gathering together in church is for worship as we ask God's blessing on your marriage. Anything that would tend to destroy an attitude of worship should be carefully avoided.

For this reason, we recommend that all arrangements be FIRST discussed with your pastor; he will be happy to consider with you suitable hymns and a text for the occasion. Be sure to consult with him BEFORE you have hymn-sheets printed for the wedding service.

Such matters as decorations in the Church, music for the occasion, and other details also need clarification so that you respect the wishes of the members of the church in which the service is to be held. As a general rule, photos taken during the service are disruptive to worship and it is suggested that these be taken after the service has been completed.

Unity in Marriage. W J Fields (Concordia); Make yours a Happy Marriage. O A Geiseman (Concordia); Guide to Marriage. L J Tizard (Urwin Books); Thinking about Marriage. J H Wallis (Penguin); Planned Parenthood. A M Rehwinkel (Concordia); Helping Families Through the Church. O E Feucht (Concordia)

Marriage guidance Councillors have many helpful books on various aspects of marriage and family relationships.

Your pastor may suggest other recommended books

A Christian home is the result of personal Christian faith of those uniting in marriage. For your home to enjoy the richest blessings of God, your first need is that both of you are His children.

To be God's possession is not something that we can achieve by our own decision; it is possible only because of God's love in accepting us into His family. God's children accept, and become aware of, God's love because His Spirit enables them to see themselves in the light of His truth. This shows a person his need of God's forgiving grace when thought, motives and actions are entirely contrary to His way. But the Christian then rejoices in the certainty that God not only pardons but makes him new in Jesus Christ; he knows the terrible price which God's love paid in the suffering and death of Jesus Christ to make possible for him to feel the warmth of God's love.

This personal faith relationship with God is vital for a Christian home. For when both husband and wife know their continuing need and possession of God's patient forgiveness and concern, they possess a divine gift which God calls them to express in a similar love and understanding toward each other.

In God's view of marriage, it is in the home above all, where this divine gift of love toward each other should show its radiance and beauty. Each one sees in the other a person loved of God, whom each is called to cherish and help through life so that the other might grow in grace and in the service of their heavenly Father.

To grow in the beauty of God's love, understanding, patience, and joy, calls for effort and constant decision. A Christian couple establishing their home will thus seek new grace from Christ through His Word. They will give time to praying together in the home; to worshipping together with fellow-believers in their church, and to receiving joyfully God's blessing in Holy Communion.

The Christian home atmosphere of peace, love and forgiveness is not accidental, but the result of God's blessing. Such blessings flow forth where two people have become temples of the Spirit of God, and have thus resolved eagerly and zealously to follow Christ. In this way, your home will also be a Christian home.

Lord, Bless our Home!

Lord God, as we approach our wedding-day, we do so with a keen sense of the importance of this step in our lives. We know that Your blessing is vital to the joy, which we hope will be reflected in our home.

For this reason, we come before you to seek a special blessing on the vows we make. Give us guidance so that the wedding we plan will be one in which You can take full part. As You graced the wedding with Your presence, we pray that You will be with us in our wedding service and remain a guest in our home and hearts all our days.

Help us to understand that as we keep close to You in Word and Sacrament we will be able to live together in a bond of love, which comes from above. Give us grace joyfully to share our sorrows and successes with that godly contentment which counts all things as loss "for the excellency of the knowledge of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Date of Wedding ___________________________________________________

Exact time ________________________________________________________

Further sessions with the pastor ________________________________________

Order of Service ____________________________________________________

Repeating of vows ___________________________________________________

Number of rings _____________________________________________________

Wedding text _______________________________________________________

Hymns ____________________________________________________________

Wedding music ______________________________________________________

Printed folder _______________________________________________________

Organist ___________________________________________________________

Photographer _______________________________________________________

Video _____________________________________________________________

Ushers ____________________________________________________________

Decorations ________________________________________________________

Confetti ___________________________________________________________

After Service cleaning up ______________________________________________

Name of Groom __________________________________________

Born ___________________________________________________

Baptised _______________ Church __________________________

Confirmed ______________ Church __________________________

Name of Bride ___________________________________________

Born ___________________________________________________

Baptised _______________ Church __________________________

Confirmed ______________ Church __________________________