i dunno. i'm having one of those moments. i've had good days lately, but the nights are so different. Yesterday we saw rufus and i just had a super nice day. everything went my way. today i was an accident waiting to happen, but i had fun nonetheless. i love spending time with valerie. driving along hyper singing to songs at the top of our lungs. its just so free.

we saw 10 things i hate about you, which is what began my lovely 'downward spiral'. how fun is that? the movie was, wonderful. i loved it. it could become another clueless to me. but once again, induced lonliness. (who has that song, lonliness is worse? i can't think of it..) the movie made us laugh so much. but when she read the sonnet at the end, val and i both were reduced to tears, mine getting slightly manic. its almost as though, i need something fake to induce my tears, because i haven't cried for myself in a long time. movies have been the only thing to set me off lately, and theyve been somewhat intense. i feel like i need a good cry. but what do i have to mourn for. my new silly crush that feels so private and intense that i get giddy? I'm not holding onto that, because i'm not going through that again. i've grown up.

i think im going to move out. up north a bit. i have to save up. i hope i can. fresh start. thats what valerie says.

i always made fun of 'jake'. but its actually a really good song. at least, its what i need today. so who knows what that means. 'i wish that i could belong here with you, and just be...' to do.

i'm beginning to mourn for london. and paris. and dublin. i wanted nothing more than to leave while i was there, but i miss it...so terribly. i miss the tube, i miss the people, i miss it. so much. it almost hurts. physically. maybe i do belong there. maybe it was my spiritual ground, but i was too busy missing the familiar that i didnt let myself love it. and at the end it became familiar...and homelike, and it was time to come home. i miss good tea.

who knows

ohh, i just put on ultra. why is this album just so fantastic? its wonderful. and why is 'new' so wonderful as well? since when do i like no doubt (again.)

i have no money. i have a large credit card bill. i have no direction. i'm just fine and dandy like sugar candy.

a friend of mine, on this medium you're reading, left an open and honest....piece, out there to the world. i'm proud.

oh. wow. i dunno. i dont know when im gonna get up my trip memories. i wonder if i am sometimes to tell you the truth. maybe i'll update my links. interests come and go you know...