December 3rd : day 7

so we all get a motel 6 and david wants his own room so i agree to that. I could use an actual bed to sleep in, and a room where there isn't 900 people squished in. We wake up and get lost in lansing looking for where tori is supposed to be. Well, turns out we didn't have all the information. Oh well. we aren't heartbroken. we're sleeeepy. So we head over to the venue. its about 11am now. So we decide to head over to the venue.



its pretty big. we get introduced to some of the regulars friends and there's a...i dunno. i knew i didnt belong with them. it was their day to say goodbye. so i decide to take a walk into the city and hunt for pads. hahaha. anyhow, david kellie and jason decide to come along with. Jason soon decides to go back, but david and kellie and i decide to get something to eat. at this roadhouse restraunt that had tori's name on the front. it was really yummy too. We walked around a bit more, still looking for pads, and decide to slowly make our way back. i was in such AWE of the scenery around this campus. i mean, jesus look at this.



THIS was just like, off the side of the road inbetween the signal and the campus baseball field. it smelled n stuff, but it looked fucking gorgeous. i just, could NOT get over it. it was kind of bringing out the photographer in me. it was also making me consider landscapes. im still not sure. here, this one was next to dorms.



uh, beautiful! hah, anyhow. we make it back and i just kind talk to people. I sat by danica for awhile and she played with her instead, and i took a few pictures with people. it was really nice. it was fun. hee, i know you wanna see.



melissa and david. aw. she kept poking him :p



i love this. maggie struck a pose!



for some reason me and david posed for
pictures well together in michigan. mhm. i like this one.



me n jessen. i think its cute. when we posed for it, kellie didnt take the picture at first. she looked at him and said 'thats so cute, why won't you be cute like that for me?" hah. it was cuter than i thought. la.



this page must be a bitch to load. oh well. haha. this is jessen and kellie. woo, it makes me giggle.

so we're sitting around and everyone has pretty much dissappeared, so we walk down towards the busses. everyone is sitting around. A line of lik e90 ppl WITH numbers are lined up by the arena, everyone withOUT numbers is wandering around by the baracades. Hm, now let me think? hahahahah. duh. anyhow. i had totally planned on NOT even TRYING for the last m&G. but carolyn was like "just come on, it can't hurt anything" so i went over with her. and the baracades were up, in a boulder-ly fashion, and it was a free for all. I managed 3rd row behind the girls, but ended up being 5th by the time tori showed up. Kinda sad, theres like 6 rows of ppl in the baracades, and we look back and that line of 90 ppl is still up by the doors. it took them like 10 min to come over. And someone said "steve, arent you gonna call off the numbers?" it was almost funny. So after standing around i decided i wanted to leave cos i knew i couldnt possibly talk to her, and i wanted to watch. but i was kinda stuck so i just staid. Apparently the whole band did a m&G and they filmed it. it seemed kinda tacky, but oh well. so here is an "im short and 5 rows back" picture of matt. hahah





oh yeah and tori too. So when she got to the girls it was just hugs and tears. And, thats why i didnt take any pictures up close. I had tori right in my face but i just couldnt bring myself to snap them. She was hugging carolyn in front of me, and if she would have opened her eyes theyd be looking right in mind, but rather, toris eyes were like welling with tears and she was just like clamping them shut. It was the SADDEST thing ive seen in my life. I like broke down just watching her. I just can't watch that woman cry.

and it was over. and it started me in tears. Danica was just like perfect as far as the tears went. Her and i would always chime in with our tears together and hug. She was the most comforting person to me that day. i hope she knows that :]

so we all just sat around. Matt brought pizza for all, there was some drama, david and i realized we were stuck with shitty seats cos they didnt have scalpers, and we all just sat around and talked. I got to play with Siobhan's (eek is it spelled wrong?) FUNKY ass chicken that amused me to NO end. Look at it!



it sung and did all this neat stuff. Mel kept hugging me and making me cry and i wanted to DIE. hahaha. it was so emotional. They kept playing this thing over the loud speaker that got annoying about how you couldnt bring in bikes or STICKS. Ok sticks? yeah. anyhow. So we eventually go in. During the unbelieveable tooth. And hi all the merchandise is gone. sick huh? so we find our shitty seats. the 27th(last) row of the upper section. Which wouldnt be so bad but the first row was like 30 feet off the floor so it was even HIGHER. and we're ASS right. Just about parallel with the piano. And we have the most ANNOYING people sitting nex to us that tried to brag about backstage by showing me pictures that were just DOUBLES but put in backwards and all. its like, ner. and they bragged about how every song at the columbous show was for them. and how she was gonna do mommy for them tonight and i just wanted to punch them in the face. We finally got them to shut up when they asked us if tori had ever called us cute names, like bunnies or something. and david turned to them and with a straight face said "well she calls me FUCKER sometimes" they didnt find it funny and shut up, thank god.

so la la we watch matt run around helping the crew and stuff, cos we're ass on the side and we can like, see backstage n stuff. and blah blah. Im like, oh no this show is gonna be so emotional im gonna wanna die. well die i did

Precious Things
She's Your Cocaine
iieee
My Brothers 3 (Improv)
Girl
Cornflake Girl
Sugar
Hotel
Silent All These Years (solo)
Famous Blue Raincoat (solo)
Cooling (solo)
Playboy Mommy
Cruel
Caught A Lite Sneeze
The Waitress

1st Encore:
Tear In Your Hand
Raspberry Swirl

2nd Encore:
Horses
Jackie's Strength
Pandora's Aquarium

i dunno. it was just not emotional, half the songs were on my "i never want to hear this live" list. it was just blah. it wasn't even fun. it was fucking dissapointing. A lot of that probably had to do with the fact that it was being recorded and the fact that i was in boulder. i just. blah. SILENT! ew! and mommy the most boring songever and...look at those encores. [horst] i actually got up and peed during a few songs. i NEVER do that. i walked around a bit.

it started out fun. david and i like shook butts with cocaine which was randomly second. then it went on..and on...and on...during jackie, when she started it i just sat down on the step, and i like fakingly dramatically cried..and then i actually started to cry. like for real. i was almost hurt by the show. i took it personally man. jason said he cried during silent. it was just. UGH! it was probably my least favorite show.

she had a boa out for horses. that was kinda cute i guess. and i could see her backstage between the encores. after the waitress she was talking to spoon and he was just holding her hands the whole time. i dunno. i didnt pay attention to the show very much. it didnt make me cry tho...

afterwards it was kind of tense. a lot of ppl KNEW david and i wouldnt like it, a lot of ppl liked it, and a lot of ppl were just like. eh. so. id unno. after talking to mikewhy about it, it made a little more sense. but it was still a dissapointing show. i left with a weird feeling.

saying goodbye to everyone sucked. especially mel and danica. i just loved everyone :] i miss danica's cute little snort. i dunno. i just can't capture it. i was sad saying goodbye to mikewhy as well. he made me burst into tears. and im really embarassed about that. hes such a sweet guy, i love him. i loved EVERYONE! god i miss you guys! wahhhhhhhhh.

afterwards i was just in tears the whole way to the car. i didnt even know why. everythign was just fucked. so we went back to the room. everyone pretty much just crashed. the girls were in the hallway talking all night. i crashed on the floor between beds. even tho we were in a marriot for the night, which apparently the entire crew was staying, but i still had a floor. oh well, it was good sleep. i vaugley remember carolyn waking me up in the middle of the night to give me a hug goodbye. its probably good that was asleep, or i would have bawled my eyes out.

day 8